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So tell me honestly. What are the chances for you to find yourself willingly hanging out at the beach, deep in the night, with the person you probably dislike the most in the whole world?
Very low right? I mean, who would willingly inflict that on oneself?
“Are you being serious right now?”
Right.
That is why the situation was ridiculous. However, the will to see the ocean on that night was stronger than the discomfort of her companion. She was deaf to whatever complaints he was mumbling behind her.
He sighed heavily but got ignored again as she walked closer to the water.
Her feet sank deeper in the wet sand. It was cold but she didn’t seem to care. Neither the freezing water nor the chilly wind blowing her hair away from her bare neck, seemed to actually bother her. Once she was satisfied with where she was, she stopped and took a big breath in.
A smile bloomed on her lips and she sank to the ground. There, the sand was not completely damp, perfect to sit comfortably.
He watched her from farther up the beach and grumbled again. She really was running on his nerves. Out of all the places she had to drag him to the beach. It was cold and humid, the wind was quite strong and it was getting late. He would have rather stayed inside the restaurant.
He was partially at fault, after all he’s the one who followed her. She never asked him to tag along. But what choices did he have when he was the only one who noticed that she had left the restaurant, all wobbly, without her jacket and purse?
He yelled at her, after collecting her stuff. But she remained focused on whatever goal she had, completely ignoring him. He wasn’t going to run after her, but he couldn’t leave her all alone.
“I swear I’m going!”
Once again she didn’t react.
“She’s driving me nuts.”
He muttered to himself. If he went farther on the wet sand, he would really dirty his new shoes and that was out of the question.
“She couldn’t just stay in, no, madam had to go out to the fucking beach.”
His grip around the beige coat tightened as he glanced toward her back. Her hair was dancing around her. She looked at peace.
“This is stupid.”
What was he doing? Following her down the beach, carrying around her stuff like some sort of valet. They weren’t even friends. He was doing this and for what? She hadn’t even noticed that she was missing items. He could just have left it all there on the sand, next to her abandoned shoes, and go back to the restaurant.
If only he didn’t have this strong sense of responsibilities.
She still hadn’t moved so he spoke a bit louder. He wanted to make her realize that he was here.
“I’m really going, get your stuff.”
Funny how he was doing the exact opposite thing to what he was saying. Deep down he knew he wasn’t really going to leave, he just wanted to make her notice him.
He turned his back to her, making as much noise as possible in hope that the sound would startle her. He pretended to leave, but after two steps he looked back.
For a second, when he realized that she was still unfazed, he considered just throwing everything he had in his hand at her and stomping away. But she spoke before he could do anything.
“The ocean is so nice.”
They were not exchanging banalities. They never did. She wasn’t trying to fill in the silence by starting a mundane conversation.
Her voice was wobbly, and he wasn’t very sure if that was only the alcohol. He stepped closer to her.
“The night is nice too.”
She sounded so tired, he couldn’t help but frown in worry. He knew damn well he shouldn’t, if the situation were opposite, he was so sure she wouldn’t bat an eye for him. Why was he bothering? And what if she was tired? They all were.
“The moon is beautiful.”
Her voice was ringing in the air, gently harmonizing with the sounds of the waves. With each of her sentences, he was taking another step toward her.
“There’s so many stars.”
He was right next to her, but he didn’t spare a thought for his shoes. He glanced up, at the moon and at the stars, after her words. She was right, they were. The night was clear, and the moon was almost full. Its reflection on the black sea was making the scenery a bit magical.
But the bright stars and pretty moon weren’t exactly what was bothering him at that moment. He dared a look sideways but the ambient darkness wasn’t allowing him to decipher her expression. And he didn’t want to be caught staring.
He remained silent, next to her, trying to glance at her. Actually, he was worried she would be crying.
She was talking about how the air was pleasant, and the waves sounded nicely to her ears. She was talking about how charming it was to be here. Despite the positive aspect of her sayings, Younghyun didn’t believe it.
Her voice sounded too weak, and her eyes were shining too much. He waited a bit after her last sentence, pondering whether or not he should talk to her. When he noted that she had nothing else to say, he risked a blatant stare. Frowning, he opened his mouth.
“Are you alright?”
She chuckled after a few seconds during which, Younghyun had held his breath.
“That is not an answerable question.”
He frowned in confusion. For a reason, worry grew in him and he crouched down to take a better look at her face. She was smiling, a real smile that was lighting up her face, but something felt off.
She looked like she was alright but she didn’t sound like it.
She let out a long exhalation, a little white cloud escaped her lips. Finally, her tired eyes fell on him.
“I’m frustrated.”
He remained silent, trying to find something in her eyes, but it was too dark to see anything but the reflection of the moon.
“I’m sad.”
He opened his mouth but she beat him to it.
“I’m angry too.”
Her eyes left him, and her face turned back to the sea.
“I’m tired, and overwhelmed.”
The smile had faltered a bit and Younghyun frowned deeper.
He didn’t like the feeling that rose inside of him. He knew damn well that they weren’t close enough for him to be worried or bothered. He had no right to even pretend to be concerned about how she was doing.
They were not friends, they barely were co-workers. They’ve been working for the same company for years and yet, have never truly worked together for the simple and good reason that they cannot bear the sight of each other. They’ve been biting each other’s head since the very beginning and their relationship has never improved. It goes as far as avoiding being in the same room at the same time. The only reason why they were together that night was the mandatory company dinner.
And yet, he had followed her when she left. And yet, he asked her if something had happened for her to feel that down.
Her chuckle filled the air, confusing him even more.
“But what can I say…”
She gently threw her head backwards, her smile closed her eyes again.
“It’s just how it is. Life is like that. .”
She opened her eyes to look at the sky again. Younghyun’s ones remained on her.
“It’s frustrating, tiring and overwhelming.”
She glanced back at him. Her cheeks were red from the bite of the cold wind.
“You never really know if you’re alright.”
He kept looking, trying to decipher what was actually going on inside of her mind. He did think to himself that she was a tad bit weird, but he didn’t voice it out.
“Ah, I really like the beach!”
She let herself fall backward until she was completely lying in the sand. He watched her silently, as she shifted a bit to make herself more comfortable on the cold shore. He wondered how she could do such things. She was only wearing her flannel blouse, the fabric of the cloth was too thin to protect her from the coldness of the soil.
He shook his head to chase the thoughts.
“I’m so drunk right now.”
He couldn’t suppress the stifle laugh from escaping his lips.
“Oh yeah?”
She opened her eyes again and raised her bust to rest on her elbows. Younghyun was amused.
“I mean…”
She paused, staring intensely at the sky.
“Are those stars supposed to move?”
He glanced up, then back at her.
“No.”
She plumped herself back on the sand.
“Then yeah.”
He allowed himself to laugh louder.
This was such a strange night. Never in his life had he imagined that such a thing would happen. Him and her, sitting together, rather comfortably, by the beach and under the stars. That’s not something you usually do with someone you don’t appreciate right?
It was ridiculous. Everything was ridiculous, from the fact that he had followed her out to the beach, to their overall relationship. Everything was stupid and Younghyun was cold.
However, despite the goosebumps, he stayed there, sitting in the sand, clenching the coat and purse to his torso.
He was looking silently at the dark sea. Watching the calm waves coming and going. It was soothing. The sound of the ocean, the glimmer of the moon, the clear sky above his head, and her presence next to him, it was nice.
She too was silent, her eyes closed, cheeks flushed and hair surrounding her head in a dark halo. She was smiling, content hums escaping her throat every so often.
Younghyun tried not to look at her.
“You’re very drunk?”
She laughed. He took that as a yes.
“Why do you hate me?”
Younghyun cursed under his breath as soon as the question had left his lips. What was he thinking?
He didn’t really hate her. He just followed along, she was pushing him so he pushed back. At least that was how he saw it, maybe the reality was different, but he never really thought that he was the one instigating the conflict.
It had always bothered him, deep inside, but he never asked because she always found a way to be annoying enough to change his mind. He didn’t care whether she liked him or not, at the end of the day, she was a nuisance, end of the talk.
A weary sigh escaped her lips. She straightened herself, rising from the floor. Her eyes met his when she leaned on her arm to take a look at him.
“Here you go again, ruining everything.”
His gaze turned into a glare but she ignored it, closing her eyes again. She fell back partially, resting on her elbows to face the sea.
“This is another unanswerable question. And I clearly didn’t have enough drinks for this one.”
Younghyun rolled his eyes.
“There’s plenty of soju left inside.”
He didn’t expect her to hear his mumble but she did. She answered something about how hot it was inside and how she was suffocating there. He half-listened to her. At least that explained why she rushed out without a coat.
She was desperate for fresh air. Now, ass in the sand, a few feet away from getting her toes licked by the wave, she felt like breathing again.
The dinner had been quite challenging. Luckily, their colleagues have been respectful enough to stop putting them at the same table. However, sometimes, even breathing the same air as him was enough to irritate her. And as the dinner went on, the air became more and more stuffy. Maybe it was the alcohol’s fault. She kept drinking and drinking to avoid his weird aura. In the end, she felt dizzy and hot, and all she wanted was to go for a dip to cool down.
When she left for the beach, she didn’t tell anyone. He was the last person she had expected to notice it. She didn’t even realize he had followed her until he went by her side. She should have been exasperated but she wasn’t. She was too tired by her long day and too numbed by the alcohol to mind his presence. It was even comforting in a way, to know that he was by her side.
It was silly.
“I don’t think I hate you.”
She spoke without realizing she was. Her gaze was lost somewhere between the starry sky and the inky ocean.
“I mean, sure you’re annoying but…”
She sighed. Her head was buzzing a bit, her thoughts were blurry. Expressing what was on her heart was getting difficult.
“It’s just that… Everybody loves you.”
He frowned a bit. If he had remained silent since she started speaking, he was now burning to speak his confusion.
“And so what? You took it upon yourself to restore the balance?”
He was bewildered. What kind of excuse was that? He couldn’t imagine that this form of jealousy was what had been driving the girl all this time.
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
“I don’t know, kinda?”
Her gaze was purposely avoiding him. She was looking at the sea, then at the sky, at the moon and then at the dark sand near her feet. Everywhere but at his face. If the place had been more luminous, he would have seen a little blush on her cheek. The result of a lot of soju combined with the cold wind and a fair amount of embarrassment.
“It took me a while to socially get where I am today. I always had a hard time making myself a voice in there, getting the respect and attention I believe I deserve. I don’t find making friends very easy, especially in a professional environment.”
She was rambling. Fancy words were escaping her mouth as if talking with complex sentences was giving more credit to her jealousy than it should. It was a stupid reason, but it was a legit one, at least to her.
“To see you come in and get to this exact same position in such a short span of time, it made me so upset.”
Younghyun came to the company two years after her. They were not even working in the same field but their circle soon crossed, and then merged. The prodigious newbie that was so awesome became a constant figure of her breaks and after work reunions.
“And you’re so good at everything it’s annoying.”
Everyone loved Younghyun because he is kind, funny and exceptionally good at all sorts of things including work and holding his liquor.
Silence fell between them. She didn’t know what else she was supposed to add to sound less stupid. She felt completely ridiculous because now that she had worded the very thoughts he was inspiring her, she felt naked. She was watching her dignity slowly gain the dark waters of the ocean. Regretful was not strong enough to qualify what she was feeling. She wanted to dive head first and drown in the salty waters. She shouldn’t have talked. Nothing good never comes out of a drunken mouth, especially not when the mouth is hers, and the ears are Younghyun’s.
She was pondering about slapping herself in the face when a chuckle caught her attention.
She turned to the side, staring with disbelief at a very much laughing Younghyun. He was trying hard to control it. But despite the fist clenched near his mouth to cover it, his eyes were shut, and his shoulders were shaking. From his throat the stifled melody was trying to break free.
“Are you… Are you fucking laughing at me right now?”
She was more stunned than she was mad but still. The audacity he was having, to mock her after she just confessed her thoughts. He asked and she answered, was this the treatment he was offering to her honesty. She knew he was a dick but that was crossing the line.
However, Younghyun denied it. He was still trying to take control over his giggles but his hands were waving frantically.
She stayed silent, interiorizing her anger to the best she could, until he calmed himself. And eyes still smiling he gazed at her softly.
“It’s just… I’m so relieved.
-Relieved?”
Anger died slowly in her throat, her mind filled again with confusion.
“I thought I had done something unforgivable to you. Insulted a dear one or destroyed something you loved. But you just…”
He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t need to.
“You probably did at some point.”
The pout on her face was adorable. It was the first time that he allowed himself that kind of thought. It felt nice. She had mumbled it after turning her head back toward the sea.
Younghyun chuckled again.
“I can stop if you want.”
She looked back as he had expected. His smile grew. Now he could allow himself that too, wanting her eyes on him.
“Not being awesome, I mean, I’m born like that but…”
He ignored when she rolled her eyes.
“I didn’t realize I was putting you in such a place by forcing myself on you. They’re my friends but they were yours first.”
She shook her head. Sand flew from her tangled locks.
“That’s not what I’m asking.
-Then what?”
Something in him was pushing him to ask. He wanted to make her comfortable around him. He was sick of having this hateful relationship with her. And he only realized it once he had settled next to her on this cold beach.
“I’m not asking anything.”
She sighed. Her head was spinning more than before. She thought that some time out in the cold air would have been beneficial to her drunk state but even the kind moon looking over her had failed to freshen her thoughts.
She wanted to rest a bit. Slowly, she let herself fall back on the sand. It was cold this time. She shivered.
“You asked, I just answered.”
She knew what that weird feeling was. She was not drunk enough to ignore it. It was fear. She was afraid of what Younghyun could tell her if she had kept the discussion going. She couldn’t ask him to change his ways of behaving. In what rights would she do that?
She told him what was on her mind yes, but that wasn’t making them any more friends than what they were.
And she was terrified at the idea of being friends with him.
She was terrified at the idea of letting him inside her circle.
She never hated him. He was annoying, and he did all sorts of things that upsetted her, but she never hated him. What she truly hated was how he was making her feel. And she was terrified of that.
During the long silence that fell between them, he saw the cold shaking her shoulders.
“Oh my god!”
She shouted, eyes wide in confusion.
She hadn’t been that loud but the night was too silent, the contrast had startled him. He asked what was going on, feeling worry slowly growing in him again. She was putting him in all his states.
She was all over the place, looking around her and behind. She stood up so he did too.
“My purse and coat! I think I left them at the restaurant!”
She was ready to rush back there.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed since they left the dinner but there was a high probability that their colleagues were already gone.
“Oh no, my phone’s in there…”
She was ruffling her hair, passing stressed hands in them.
“Money! I have no money to take a cab! Oh my god.”
All this time he had remained silent. It only hit her when he threw her belongings at her face. Stunned, she stared at him, not knowing if she should question him or thank him. So she did nothing.
“You’d forget your head if it was not on your shoulders.
-How?”
The correct question would have been “why”, why had he taken them with him? Why had he followed her? Why?
He didn’t have any answers.
“People usually say thanks but I’ll put it on the count of alcohol.”
She stayed frozen there, her eyes staring intensely at him. Enough to make him feel slightly self-conscious.
“No I mean, thanks but… You-“
He shrugged
“This is my peace token I guess.”
Her heart skipped a beat.
“Now put it on, you’ve been trembling for an hour. You’ll blame me if you get sick, I just know it.”
Now tell me honestly. What are the chances for you to find yourself willingly hanging out at the beach, deep in the night, with the person you probably dislike the most in the whole world?
Pretty low right?
However, it sometimes leads to surprises. And maybe it helps you realize that you don’t really hate that person like you thought you did?
Maybe you even made yourself a friend?
What’s so sure is that after that night things hadn’t been the same at the office. More than yelling at each other, they were teasing and nagging. Their words had lost harshness and gained complicity. It was such a shock that even their boss questioned them about it.
“We’re not friends.”
Shee said full of confidence.
“We’re in an un-hate relationship.”
Younghyun nodded after taking a sip of his coffee. If it had been weird the first few days, they ended up finding it fun to be at the center of the discussion.
But Younghyun liked to have the upper hand. So he ended up turning to her once the attention had been diverted from them. He leant in, taking advantage of the little chat that had bloomed after her words.
“Does that mean we’re in a relationship?”
She had rolled her eyes. She wasn’t one to back down. A smile bloomed on her lips. It was a new one and Younghyun wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.
“Keep surprising me, pretty boy, we never know what will happen.”
She left him hanging like that. It took him too many seconds to process the words. This time he was the one to smile.
He was sure of it. He liked it.
“You think I’m pretty?”
She ignored him but he knew she had heard, and to be honest, that was enough for him.