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Sophie and Mary were sitting in the loft when they heard heavy footsteps run up the spiral staircase. Ryan came into view then she stood by the wall. She was breathing heavy and had tears streaming down her face. She didn't say anything. Just stared at the space in front of her. Mary and Sophie looked at each other with concerned glances and then looked at Ryan, noticing her silence and her heavy breathing. They couldn't see her tears from where they were but they could tell by her body language that something was wrong.
M: Hey, Ryan... you ok?
Sophie hadn't said anything yet, worried that Ryan may have been mad at her for being in the loft again. Although after learning that Ryan was Batwoman a few weeks ago, Sophie had thought they turned over a new leaf.
R: Fine.
Ryan entered the loft and flung off her jacket almost knocking the lamp over. She kicked off her boots and then she went to her room and slammed the door.
S: What was that?
M: Ryan's in one of her moods again. She'll calm down.
Mary said a bit dismissively and waved her hand, turning back to the show they had been watching. Sophie eyed Mary and then looked at Ryan's closed bedroom door.
S: I don't know. I know Ryan too and this doesn't seem like just one of her moods.
Sophie used air quotes. A little annoyed that Mary didn't seem as concerned about Ryan as she was.
S: Maybe I should go check on her...
M: If you want your head bitten off.
S: Ain't nobody scared of Ryan Wilder's little ass self.
Sophie got up and went to the door of Ryan's room. She didn't know what was compelling her to care this much. If she was honest with herself though, she'd say that she always cared this much when it came to Ryan Wilder. Sophie pressed her ear to the door and heard soft sobs and sniffles as Ryan shuffled around her room. Sophie knocked.
R: Go away Mary, I don't want to talk right now.
Ryan's soft voice came through the door. Sophie noticed that she didn't sound mad, she sounded sad, hurt maybe. Sophie hesitated.
S: It- it's not Mary. It's me.
Sophie may not have been scared of Ryan but she didn't want to be rejected by her either. She wanted them to keep exploring this new friendship, or whatever it was. After what felt like forever, the doorknob turned and the door creaked open just a crack. Sophie walked into Ryan's room and closed the door behind her. Mary was watching the whole thing from the corner of her eye and her eyes almost fell out of her head when she saw Ryan open the door for Sophie and Sophie go in Ryan's room.
Sophie stood by the door and took in the surroundings. She'd never been in Ryan's bedroom before. She briefly wondered if she would get another chance to be here under different circumstances, or maybe a different time, different place, and different universe all together. Sophie took in Ryan's dresser that had flannels hanging off it, along with Ryan's smock from The Hold Up. She saw Ryan's array of shoes all over the room, mostly different styles of platform converse and some boots. She took in a framed photo of Ryan and a woman who she assumed might have been her Mama Cora. There were a few art pieces on the wall and some candles that had been lit. It smelled like lavender. Sophie's eyes followed some smoke around the room that was coming from an Incense. Sophie felt immediately cozy in Ryan's room. She looked at the big maroon comforter on Ryan's bed and then her eyes drifted to Ryan who was on the other side of the bed appearing to be packing up a backpack.
S: Going somewhere?
Sophie titled her head and pursed her lips, her eyes twinkled. Melting some of Ryan's tough exterior.
R: I just- I just need to leave.
S: Forever?
R: No. Not forever. Just for right now.
Ryan's voice was still shaky as though she could fall apart at any moment. She was hurriedly stuffing things into her bag and looking around to see if she missed anything. Sophie walked over and put her hand on Ryan's arm to still her movements.
S: Let me go with you.
Ryan scoffed.
R: You don't even know where I'm going.
S: So... You can tell me on the way. Look, I don't know what happened, but you can talk to me. You can trust me Ryan. I thought we established that already?
Sophie's soft almond eyes looked back at Ryan's deep brown ones. Ryan sighed.
R: I do trust you, Sophie.
S: So...
Ryan thought about it for a moment before answering.
R: You can go with but I don't have any extra clothes that would fit... all of that.
Ryan said gesturing up and and down Sophie's tall frame. Ryan let a small smile break her face before she schooled her features again.
S: Oh she's got jokes.
R: Who's joking?
They giggled softly before Ryan became quiet again. Sophie's heart broke, she wondered what had happened to hurt Ryan this way.
S: How long are we going to be gone anyways?
R: Oh now you got questions, before you were all down for whatever.
Sophie rolled her eyes.
R: I don't know. I just need to go. So you coming?
Ryan and Sophie walked out of Ryan's room. Ryan had her backpack and Sophie closed the door behind her. Ryan set her bag by the stairs so she could get her jacket that she threw and put her shoes on. Sophie stood by the stairs and waited.
M: Ummmm ok, what is happening right now?
R: I need some air.
M: And Sophie?
R: Is going with me.
M: Umm ok?
Mary had the most baffled expression on her face. Ryan finished with her shoes, put on her coat and walked towards Sophie.
R: Let's go.
Ryan started down the steps and Sophie followed.
M: Ok, bye?
R: We'll be back.
Ryan called up the stairs.
Ryan and Sophie got outside and Sophie followed Ryan to her van. She looked confused but she watched Ryan throw her stuff into the the van, hop in and then open the door for Sophie. Sophie went to the other side and got in. They sat in silence, Sophie wondering and waiting for Ryan to explain something. Anything. She knew Ryan didn't like to be pushed though and that she would talk on her own time. Ryan started her van up, it rumbled and huffed and shook before starting up but then the engine purred.
R: Van, this is Sophie. Sophie, meet my van.
Ryan gestured to the inside of her van. Sophie's gaze followed Ryan's gesture. Behind them in the van was a small couch with a round wooden table in front of it. There were curtains hung around the windows for privacy. The curtains had polaroid picture's pinned to them. Sophie couldn't make out who was in the pictures. There were also some different sized crates on the floor that held odds and ends. Lastly Sophie noticed a small shelf bolted to the floor that held some books and other knickknacks.
Ryan subconsciously held her breath. Waiting for Sophie's review of her van.
S: Wow, this looks like a living room.
R: Well I did used to live here from time to time.
Sophie quickly shot Ryan a glance. Ryan checked her mirrors and then pulled away from the curb. Sophie kept watching Ryan. She knew that Ryan had it rough but she didn't know she was living in her van sometimes. Sophie thought about how unsafe that probably was. And then she thought about how Ryan must have felt not having a stable home or someone who cared enough about where she laid her head. Sophie's heart ached.
R: It's ok.
Ryan said as though reading Sophie's thoughts on her face.
R: I like the van. I know it's kind of run down but it's got sentimental value to me. I can't seem to part ways with it.
Sophie put her hand on Ryan's hand that was on the gear shift.
S: You don't have to explain Ryan, it's important to you. And it's cute, and cozy. Just like your room.
Ryan smiled at Sophie. Sophie didn't know it but she was making Ryan feel more at ease and relaxed. Ryan was glad Sophie didn't let her push her away. Ryan took a deep breath.
R: My mom's alive.
Ryan simply said. Sophie's eyes widened and she looked up at Ryan. Trying to figure out if she misheard her. Ryan only nodded, indicating that Sophie had indeed heard her correctly.
S: She's-
R: Alive. Yep.
S: Mama Cor-
R: No. No...
Ryan was silent and Sophie had to stop herself from saying something so that Ryan would continue. Ryan took another deep breath. Sophie could tell this was hard for her. She waited patiently.
R: It's not Mama Cora. It's, it's my birth mom. Apparently she didn't die in childbirth, she's alive and out there somewhere.
S: What!
Sophie was incredulous.
R: Yeah.
S: How- how do you know this? Who told you this?
Sophie found herself getting upset. She wanted to know who was messing with Ryan like this. This wasn't funny and sounded like some sick joke, one she didn't know why someone would play on Ryan. Sophie clenched her jaw.
R: I got a note.
Sophie visibly unclenched. Ok, a note. So that doesn't mean anything. Sophie still had a funny feeling about this but she wanted to be reassuring to Ryan.
S: Ryan, I'm sure it's just- just some dumb prank or something. Someone being an asshole. You made any enemies lately?
Sophie said trying to lighten the mood. Ryan chuckled dryly.
R: Not me, but Batwoman may have. Soph, I think it's for real. They knew things. Things that not just anyone could know about me.
S: What is their motive though?
R: I don't know. Probably money. Money and maybe revenge. They claim that they want to get back at my so called birth mother, and they want me to help do it. I don't know. This is just too much for me to deal with Sophie.
Ryan's voice started to quiver and Sophie saw a tear roll down her cheek. Not wanting Ryan to break down until they got safely to where ever it was that they were going, Sophie distracted Ryan with a question unrelated to the matter Ryan had just brought up.
S: Where are we going?
Ryan sniffled and was quiet for a moment. She drove down an off road area and onto gravel.
R: Anytime that I needed to get away, I would take my van and drive as far as I could. One day I came across this little park. There's a river that runs through it and a huge wide open patch of sky. It's just enough outside of Gotham that there isn't smog and streetlights so at night, the sky lights up with millions of stars and constellations. Not many people know of this area so coming out here makes me feel secluded. I can recenter myself and I can think and hear my own thoughts and my breathing. It's like my little slice of heaven.
Ryan pulled her van up to an area that was across from the river she had mentioned. Sophie was a bit stunned. She didn't know a place as beautiful and serene as this existed in Gotham and she felt honored that Ryan took her here.
R: We can open the back door and sit on the blankets I have.
S: Sure.
Sophie watched Ryan get out of her seat and move to the back of her van. She shuffled around and pulled out some blankets from one of the miscellaneous crates. She spread it out and then got some pillows and placed them on the floor of the van. She looked up when she was done and patted the spot next to her for Sophie to sit. It was the beginning of Autumn but some of the trees had already begun to change color. The air was crisp with nostalgia and the promise of winter. The sun was bright in the sky but it was already threatening to set soon. Birds chirped and the river gurgled.
S: This is beautiful.
Ryan looked at Sophie.
R: Yeah.
Sophie pretended not to notice that Ryan was looking at her when she agreed about it being beautiful. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Taking in the views and breathing deeply. It wasn't nearly often enough that they got out of the busyness and mayhem of Gotham. After a while, Sophie spoke.
S: Ryan, let me know what you need ok. Let me know how I can help and what you want.
Ryan sighed.
R: I want this all to go away Soph. I wish I'd never gotten that stupid letter. My life was better when I knew she didn't exist. But now I find out that she does exist and she just gave me up because she didn't want me!
Ryan ended her sentence in tears. Sophie quickly put her arm around Ryan. Ryan sat up straight for a moment before leaning into Sophie's embrace.
S: Ryan, we don't know if that letter holds any truth to it. Before you get upset we should make sure it's real. I can look into it for you. I'll do it first thing in the morning. I promise. Ok?
Ryan was quiet. Thinking about Sophie's offer to help her.
R: Ok.
Ryan said quietly.
R: Thank you, Sophie.
Ryan leaned more into Sophie and Sophie held her tight, giving Ryan a squeeze. They stayed like that while Sophie rubbed Ryan's shoulder with one hand and used her other hand to hold one of Ryan's little balled up fists. The sun had quickly set around them now and it was dark. Ryan leaned out of her van so she could see if the night sky was playing her favorite show. Sure enough.
R: Soph, you gotta check this out.
Sophie leaned out of the van and looked up to where Ryan's eyes were looking. When Sophie saw the stars, her breath caught. She used to go stargazing with Jordan before Jordan got too old and said it was boring. But she'd not seen stars blanket the whole night sky like this in quite a while. She felt like she was at a planetarium. There were so many shooting stars.
R: Shooting star! Make a wish!
Ryan called out and pointed. Sophie made a wish.
R: Another one! And another one! Wow, she showing out tonight.
Ryan whistled at the sky and Sophie laughed.
S: Do you know the names of the constellations? When I was like 8 I was obsessed with getting a telescope and learning about the stars but the knowledge never stuck. I think I had more fun pretending I was Harriet The Spy with my telescope than doing any actual astronomy.
Ryan laughed.
R: Look, you see that one that looks like a child's drawing of a house? That's Cepheus.
S: Wow, you actually know the names?
R: Nah I'm just making shit up.
Sophie gave a raspy laugh and playfully shoved Ryan.
S: Oh come on!
R: Just kidding. Yeah, I know some of them.
Ryan's eyes searched the night sky while Sophie's eyes searched Ryan's.
R: You see that one that looks like either a kite or some type of butcher knife? That one is Ursa Minor.
S: What's that one? It looks like a rollercoaster with a shape at the end.
Ryan squinted trying to see to figure out where Sophie was pointing.
R: Oh that one is Draco.
Sophie snorted.
S: Draco? Like Harry Potter? Now I know you're messing with me.
Ryan giggled.
R: No for real, that's the name of it!
S: Ok, when I get back to where we have internet service, and I look all these up and find out you made them up...
R: I didn't!
S: Do you have a favorite one?
R: I like Cassiopeia because it looks like a "W". "W" for Wilder. And I like Usra Major.
S: Which one is Usra Major?
R: That's the one that kind of looks like an animal.
Sophie searched the sky trying to find Ryan's favorites. She saw more shooting stars and then she felt a warm hand slip into hers. She looked down.
R: Thank you for tonight Sophie.
S: I-
Ryan held her hand out to stop whatever protest or question that Sophie had.
R: Thank you. Thank you for coming to see if I was alright. Thank you for going with me on this little adventure. Thank you for, for saying that you'd look into the note about my mom. Thank you for seeing me. And thank you for giving me a chance to trust you, because now I do, Sophie. With my whole heart.
Sophie shivered at that. And it wasn't because of the chill in the air now that the sun was down. Ryan noticed and reached in her van for another blanket and wrapped it around Sophie.
R: I guess we should head back now. Usually I come more prepared but I was angry, hurt.
S: It's understandable Ryan.
R: Do you want to come back to the loft? I could make you some vegan soup and grilled cheese?
S: As long as it's not any of that nasty dairy free cheese.
Ryan put her hand to her heart, pretending to be offended.
R: Excuse me, it is not nasty. I make it for Mary all the time and she doesn't even notice the difference.
S: Yeah well that's Mary.
R: Oop.
Ryan snicked and turned to go get back in the front seat of her van when Sophie lightly grabbed her hand pulling her back. Ryan was now up against Sophie's chest, her hand out on Sophie's shoulder to steady herself. Sophie looked into Ryan's eyes and then down at her lips. She asked silent permission for what she was about to do next. When Ryan made no attempt to move, but parted her lips, Sophie leaned down slowly and gave Ryan a quick peck on the lips. Ryan closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss to try and deepened it just as Sophie pulled back, releasing Ryan's top lip. Ryan opened her eyes, they sparkled in the moonlight and she smiled that big smile of hers. Sophie let go of Ryan's hands and then walked to the passengers side of the van to get in. Ryan stood there in a daze for a second.
R: Well ok then.
Ryan said softly to herself. One of her shooting star wishes had come true. Ryan walked back to her van and got in. She revved up the engine and pulled off to start the drive back home. Usually the night sky put on a show for Ryan, but getting kissed by Sophie under the constellations and the moonlight, this was the first time Ryan put on a show for them.