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It’s on the train ride to Aki’s apartment that Denji feels a floaty feeling, fuzzy and hazy. It’s a familiar feeling, but it takes him a minute to realize what’s happening. He was starting to drop, teetering on the edge of big and small.
Denji couldn’t remember the last time he had fully regressed.
Fighting devils and trying to keep the yakuza from putting a bullet between his eyes wasn't exactly the ideal environment to dip into littlespace. After pushing it away for so long, it wasn’t surprising that the floaty feeling had come back once Denji had the tiniest bit of structure and stability in his life.
He wasn’t on blockers (too expensive. Scent patches were easy to come by so he at least didn't smell like a baby, and dealers were often willing to load off expired patches for a fraction of the normal price) but living in a fight or flight situation his entire life did the trick. He had instinctively learned to push that feeling away without even realizing when it was coming on (who knows what what could have happened if the debt collectors came knocking while he was regressed). Now, on the train and surrounded by Aki’s comforting scent, it suddenly became a struggle to get a grip on his headspace. He was tired, and beginning to feel nauseous for some reason. He missed Pochita.
The chainsaw doggy devil was the closest thing Denji had ever felt to safety and security. He felt empty without the cuddly orange creature, like something very important had been lost or ripped away from him. In a way, it had. Realistically, Denji knew that Pochita was inside him, his heart, and they would never be apart. But the Denji that was here in this moment, seconds away from crashing into his headspace for the first time in years, just wanted to hold his best friend.
He felt himself spiraling down quickly, and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop it.
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“Denji’s a little?”
Aki was shocked at first. It was hard to imagine the dude that could transform into a chainsaw devil as a sniffing and crying little. Although, given the small bits that Aki learned about Denji’s past, he supposed it wasn’t too hard to believe. Looking back, he could see the signs. Denji was spacey sometimes, Aki has seen him chew his nails a few times, and Aki is pretty sure he once saw the younger stop his foot while arguing with Power. He didn't have a scent, but there could be plenty of reasons for that.
“Yes. The test was included with some routine bloodwork we did when we first picked him up.” Makima was so casual about this. She was good at keeping a level head. “That is the other reason that Denji and Power will be living with you. Littles need structure and routine, as much as we would be able to provide as devil hunters, that is.”
Aki frowned. He saw how he fit into all this now. It wasn’t just that Makima trusted him, he was one of the only caregivers in Public Safety. Most Devil Hunters were neutral, the job was too risky, death was too easy to come by. It’s hard for a caregiver to fight without thinking about what would happen to their little should they die. The trauma that the job brought on could be increasingly harmful to a little. There were no rules against people with Little or Caregiver classifications joining Public Safety, but it was rare to see.
Aki didn’t have to worry about leaving anyone behind if he died, everyone important to him was already gone.
Nothing to lose, nothing mattered
.
Aki was snapped out of his thoughts as Makima spoke again.
“Right now, we need to get a handle on Denji. He can be an asset, incredibly useful, but only if we’re able to control him. Providing a stable environment for his headspace is a good place to start.” Makima turned to face the window, staring out at the horizon line. She smiled, glancing back at him. “We want him to be comfortable, after all.”
Aki was nervous, he had to admit. It had been a long time since he’d been in a caregiver position for anyone, let alone someone who had never had a proper caregiver. Regardless, he sighed, and then returned Makima’s smile.
“You can count on me, Makima."
————————-
Easier said than done. Aki, Denji, and Power had been on the train for less than ten minutes and he could already feel a headache coming on. Power wouldn’t stop swinging on the handles up above like monkey bars, and Aki was wondering how long it would be before the train staff kicked them out and they were forced to walk to his apartment. At least Power had agreed to wear a beanie to hide her horns, small mercies.
Aki suddenly realized there was a scent in the air, a strawberry and peaches blend, sugary sweet and the immediate tell of a little. Baby. Something was wrong though. There was a chemical undertone to it, artificial and sour. His attention turned from Power to Denji in an instant.
Holy shit, the kid looked rough. He looked like he hadn’t had a good nights sleep in weeks (probably true), and there were tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. He looked a little pale, and had stuck two fingers in his mouth at some point. Denji sniffled, and Aki could feel those caregiver instincts kick in as he sat down next to him.
“Hey, kid, what’s wrong?” Aki asked gently. Denji startled a little as Aki spoke, as if he hadn’t noticed him sit downAki could tell by looking at his eyes he wasn’t fully regressed, but the younger was on a fast track to his headspace. Aki wanted to reach out and hold him, that’s what his sister would have wanted when she regressed. Big Denji was fine with touch, he knew that, but Little Denji seemed jumpy and scared.
Denji sniffled again, and choked out what seemed to be a combination of a hiccup and a sob. Fuck, Aki sucked at this.
“Honey, I want to help you, but I don’t know what’s wrong.” Aki tried to keep his voice low and calming, hoping his scent would help calm Denji down. Power had stopped swinging on the handles, whatever was happening with Denji was much more interesting after all.
Luckily for Aki, Denji mumbled out a response.
“Miss Pochita…” Denji’s breath hitched as the first tear finally spilled over. “Don feel good…”
At some point Power had moved to sit on the other side of Denji, sandwiching him between the two of them. Aki saw as Denji moved a hand up to scratch at his ribs through his shirt. He remembered the little's previous lack of scent, and connected a few dots.
“Denji. I’m going to touch you, okay?” Aki held out a hand slowly, and waited for Denji to nod before going to lift up his shirt enough to expose where Aki assumed the patch would be.
Aki was not expecting to see three patches. Jesus.
No wonder the kid didn’t feel good. Scent blocking patches were meant to be worn one at a time, and not for more than six hours. These looked like they had been on for a while, dirty around the once crisp white edges. Denji whined, and the tears and sobs picked up.
“Power, would you hold him for a second? Gently.”
Power complied, thankfully, but not without asking, “What the fuck is wrong with him?”
“He’s a little," Aki replied. "This is just how he is sometimes. Be nice to him when he’s like this, okay?”
“I’M NEVER NICE!”
Aki rolled his eyes as he gently peeled off the first patch. Denji wailed, and Aki couldn’t help but feel bad even though he knew this is what was best. These patches had to go, wearing them for too long could leave the person dizzy and nauseous (not a good experience for a healthy regression). Normally, it was illegal to sell these to minors (Aki was pretty sure he remembered Denji saying he was sixteen), but plenty of shady dealers were willing to make a quick buck off of kids.
Denji's sobs increased. Poor kid was definitely fully dropped now, the tantrum was a dead giveaway.
“Relax, Denji. You’ll feel better once these patches are off.” Aki tried to get the other two off as quickly as possible. Makima hadn’t mentioned anything about Denji’s headspace age, but Aki was guessing it young just based off his first dip into headspace. Infant to toddler rage young. Double fuck.
Aki’s sister had never regressed to younger than seven. This was starting to feel more and more outside his wheelhouse. Thankfully, the last patch came off and Aki quickly crumpled them into his pocket before pulling Denji out of Power’s (not very comforting) grip and maneuvering him to lean against Aki.
Aki didn’t want to overwhelm Denji with touch, especially since he just had Power restrain him, but Denji slipped his face into the space between Aki’s neck and shoulder and grabbed a fistful of Aki’s shirt before he had time to blink. Aki rubbed small circles on his back as Denji continued his muffled crying.
Power looked curious, and leaned forward to poke at Denji. Aki smacked her hand away, and shot her a look.
“What did I just say about being nice?” He scolded.
Power groaned dramatically, “Geez! I didn’t even touch him!”
Aki felt a sense of deja vu, remembering all the times his younger siblings had played the ‘I’m not touching you’ game. How on earth did he suddenly end up in charge of two children?
Meanwhile, Denji’s sobs had mostly quieted down after a few minutes of crying it out. The occasional sniffle could still be heard, but it seemed like the kid had mostly tired himself out. His scent was better too, it still had the vibe of anxious little but at least the sickening chemical smell had cleared up. He was still nibbling on his fingers, and Aki could see a tinge of blood. The kid had sharp teeth.
Aki gently pulled them out of his mouth, and Denji whined again.
“We don’t put fingers in our mouths, kid. They have germs.”
Denji started to fuss again, and shoved his fingers back in his mouth the minute Aki let go of his arm. Aki sighed, and wished he had a pacifier to give Denji. The realization that Aki didn’t own any little gear dawned on him. This was gonna be rough without the essentials. Aki glanced up at the display on the wall informing them of the next stop, and then turned to Power. She was still watching Denji with intense curiosity, but her fingers were now also in her mouth.
Great.
“Power, what did I just say about putting fingers in mouths?”
She pouted, and stomped her foot.
“What’s the big deal?" Power mumbled, mouth full of fingers. "Fiends can’t be little, it doesn’t matter if I put my fingers in my mouth!”
Ignoring the fact that that did not make sense at all (wait, were fiends affected by germs? Could they get sick?), Aki pulled her fingers out of her mouth just as he had done to Denji a moment ago.
“Why don’t you set an example for Denji?” Aki suggested.
Power rolled her eyes and groaned again, leaning away to lay down on the seats and continue her pity party.
Aki weighed his options. He needed at least a pacifier for Denji before he tore up his fingers, but going in to any store with a regressed little and a fiend would be a nightmare. Denji’s breathing had started to even out though, and Aki would bet money that he would be asleep before the train’s next stop. That just left Power.
“Hey, Power?” Aki waited for the fiend to acknowledge him before continuing. “How do you feel about stopping in a store on the way home?”
Power let him know exactly how excited she was by doing a cartwheel down the train isle. At least she seemed to forget about putting her fingers in her mouth.
——————————
Aki was only twenty-six, but walking in to a store carrying a little on his hip and holding a fiend’s hand somehow made him feel like a middle aged soccer mom.
“Power, you can push the cart as long as you stay by me.” Aki said to the excited girl.
Aki was hoping he wouldn’t regret that choice as Power let out an excited screech and ran for the carts. Aki shifted his hold on Denji, adjusting his grip so he was now holding him with both arms instead of one. The kids head was still resting on his shoulder, breathing softly and evenly. Rough day, Aki thought.
Aki barely had time to doge out of the way of Power riding the cart back towards them. As much as he wanted to relieve her of her cart-duties, he knew this would be over with faster if he just let her have her fun.
“Okay. Power, do you want to help me pick out some stuff for Denji?” Aki led them down the first isle as Power nodded. “Good. I think first thing we need is a pacifier.”
The trio stopped in front of a display of pacis. Aki stared at all the options and wondered what Denji even liked. He hadn’t known the kid for that long, and before this their conversations had been mostly work related. Normally, it would be easier if Denji was awake to help pick out things, but Aki had a feeling Denji would feel overwhelmed considering he’s hardly gone into his headspace in his life.
Power solved the problem by shoving a package in Aki’s face, waving it around excitedly while saying, “Get this one! This one!”
Aki shifted Denji back in to one arm and swiped it from her, finally able to see her choice now that it wasn’t being waved two inches from his face. It was a two pack, one with a blue puppy and one with a pink puppy wearing glasses. The characters seemed familiar, perhaps from an early morning cartoon session with his siblings years ago. Aki tosses the package into the cart before he can spend too much time thinking about all the things taken from him.
Meanwhile, Power had already grabbed a bottle from further down the isle.
“Tis this? Got a weird top.” She frowned and examined it, fumbling with the nipple.
“Add it to the cart. The top is comforting for kids to drink from.”
“Huh, weird. Like a kitten?” Power tossed the bottle in with the pacifiers.
“Yeah, like a kitten.”
“WE HAVE TO GET ONE FOR MEOWY TOO!”
—————————
An hour later, the trio was back on the train. The trip took longer than Aki hoped it would, but once Power got it into her head that these items were for cats too, she became more invested in the task.
Now, they were sat side by side, with Aki holding Denji in his lap and Power holding two bags of goodies (one for Denji and one for Meowy, of course). They were only two stops away from Aki’s apartment when Denji began to stir from his nap.
He whined again, and Aki began to comb his fingers through Denji’s hair. Hopefully it would be grounding enough that the kid wouldn’t just start crying again.
It seemed to do the trick, and Aki didn’t miss the way Denji leaned into the touch. One of his hands grabbed at Aki’s shirt again and he used the other to slip two fingers back into his mouth.
“Power, can you hand me one of the pacifiers?” Aki help out his hand towards Power, who held the bags away from him.
“No! That’s for Meowy!” The fiend protested.
Aki wondered how many times he could roll his eyes before they would fall out of his skull.
“We got stuff for Meowy and Denji. Give me one of Denji’s pacifiers.”
Power seemed to suddenly remember they didn’t go into that store just to by treats for the cat, and made quick work of tearing open the plastic packaging on the pacifiers and handed Aki the pink one.
Aki turned his attention back towards Denji, pulling the fingers out of his mouth and attempted to replace them with the pacifier bulb.
“Nonononono…” Denji turned away and buried his head in Aki’s shoulder again, “Don wan pacifier,” he mumbled into Aki’s shirt.
“Well you’re going to have to get used to it, you can’t keep chewing up your fingers.”
“S’healed already…”
“That’s not the point,” Aki signed, trying not to sound annoyed.
Aki could hear Denji begin to whine again. Not wanting to deal with another tantrum until they at least got home, Aki decided to change tactics.
“Hey, Power?” The fiend turned her attention from the baby onesie she picked out for Meowy and looked at Aki. “Would you try out the blue pacifier? Show Denji it’s okay?”
“I guess I can show him how it’s done if he can’t figure it out,” she said as she popped the blue paci into her mouth, and began chewing on it.
Aki nudged Denji, and mumbled, “See? Power has a paci, she likes it. Are you sure you don’t want one?”
Denji looked as if he was thinking it over for a minute, before opening his mouth slightly and taking out his fingers. Aki took that as the a-okay and shoved the pink paci in his mouth before he could change his mind. The kid sucked on it a few times, almost unsure, then laid his head back against Aki's shoulder.
The train arrived at their stop, Aki cradled Denji in his arms and let Power hold on to the bags as they departed the station. Aki’s apartment building was just down the block, he almost had a hard time keeping up with Power (the minute they got off the train all the fiend talked about was how excited she was to have Meowy try the little gear. Poor kitty).
—————————
Meowy was a good sport about the little gear. He let Power put the baby onesie on him, and he didn’t suck on the kitty cat paw pacifier that she had picked out for him, but he batted it around on the floor and played with it and that was good enough for the fiend.
With Power distracted playing baby with Meowy, Aki was able to turn his full attention to Denji. Just in time too, the little seemed to be teetering on the edge of headspace again. Denji hasn’t been in littlespace for very long, so Aki had a feeling he was trying to force himself out. Bad idea, it’s not good for littles to be yanked out of headspace, it could cause longterm emotional trauma if done often. Combined with the fact that Denji seemed to have spent so many years avoiding his headspace, Aki would be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little concerned.
They could work on a regular regressing schedule when Denji was feeling bigger later, but for now Aki wanted to keep him in headspace as long as possible. The paci seemed to be helping, but not enough. The kid was rubbing his eyes and he looked like he was desperately trying to stay awake and alert to his surroundings.
Aki hoped formula would do the trick. He didn’t want to put Denji down, he had a feeling the main thing keeping him regressed was the comforting touch. If he put him down the kid might snap out of headspace the minute he stops feeling that grounding support. The poor kid was beyond touch starved.
It took twice as long to make up the formula with only one free hand, but eventually Aki had a nice warm bottle and was settling with Denji on the couch.
Aki had Denji sit on his lap again, but this time the little didn’t tuck his head into the other man’s shoulder. Aki brought an arm around the younger and pulled him to lean against his chest, rubbing circles into his arm.
“Hey, Sweetie... how are you feeling?” Aki felt silly calling someone who could turn into a rampaging chainsaw devil ‘sweetie’, but using lovey-dovey nicknames always had helped his sister float back down into littlespace. “Want a bottle?”
Denji shook his head no and tried to turn away, he didn’t make it far though. He was quickly losing the battle against being little.
“You sure? It’s nice and warm. And vanilla flavored.” Aki moved from rubbing circles on his arm to combing his fingers through Denji’s hair, and Aki could feel the younger melt into the touch.
Denji tentatively reached a hand up for the bottle, and Aki gave it to him, then gently pulled the paci out of Denji’s mouth before he could just let it drop to the floor. The bottle clumsily found its way into Denji’s mouth, and he began quietly drinking. His scent was more relaxed now, a happy strawberry peach smell filling the apartment.
They sat like that for a while, Denji nursing the bottle while Aki made a more detailed list on his phone of the little gear he would need if he was going to be Denji’s caregiver. He would have to do a bigger shopping trip tomorrow, but for now they could survive. Power was on the floor shaking a wand toy at Meowy, the only sounds in the apartment were the purrs of a kitty and the content suckling of a baby.
Without realizing it, Aki found himself relaxing in a way he hadn’t felt since spending time with his family.
——————————-
Denji woke up early the next morning, feeling hazy with sleep. Something was in his mouth. He sat up, and pulled out a pink pacifier with a cartoon dog on it. He looked around, and saw he had fallen asleep on the couch with his head resting on Aki’s lap.
Aki was still asleep, head tipped back over the couch and snoring softly. He looked down and saw Power on the floor, splayed out with Meowy sleeping on her stomach.
He felt content. Taken care of. Safe.
It was nice.
He yawned as sleep called back to him, and he eyed the pacifier before thinking fuck it and shoving it back into his mouth. He laid his head back down on Aki’s lap, and was asleep again within minutes.