Archive of Our Own

Morning breeze passes through inky black strands, ruffling the soft hair as Dokja looks out of the window of their rented convertible. The wind is cold, crisp in the face of a rising Sun and passes him in an instant, becoming a tale of the past.

The sky is yet to wake, a mixture of soft blue and orange tint around the rim of the warm Sun. The road is quiet, gravel beneath the tires as they speed across the freeway. The world sleeps, radio silence engulfing them as Dokja leans back in the passenger seat. 

The engine hums and whirrs, the road passes by and Dokja is left alone with his thoughts. The route is long but he doesn’t strike up any conversation and instead finds himself questioning his heart. 

‘Why must we always want something we can’t have?’

He thinks of the man next to him, how they’ve been through thick and thin together- joined once by the hip, now leading two completely different lives. 

Yoo Joonghyuk had changed after finishing High School, going his own way with Lee Seolhwa, leaving behind Kim Dokja and a broken heart. It had hurt for some time but then Dokja had just grown numb, the pulsating pain blending into the involuntary beating of his heart, one more reminder of the past that left scars on his wrists and thighs. There had been no explanation given and none asked.

Dokja closes his eyes, long eyelashes fluttering with the wind as he rests his face on his arms folded over the window. His mind is calm, the constant chill air rushing over his face taking away any thoughts that spin around. 

Joonghyuk doesn’t say a word, keeps driving with his eyes up ahead on the road. The windows are down and they swish past civilisation, entering a more secluded freeway as the Sun rays ghost over clouds and the sky lightens.

The buildings are left behind and terrain enters and Dokja opens his eyes to endless fields of brown and green. His companion is still silent and he briefly wonders why the other even agreed to go on this road trip with him. He doesn’t look away from the fields as he voices out his thought, heart on the edge as he awaits a reply. It takes a minute and Dokja almost brushes it away when the answer is muttered.

“To make sure you don’t die out here.”

Dokja knows he shouldn’t feel so affected by the answer but it’s impossible when the person who says it is the person he’s been in love with since he was 17. Joonghyuk’s tone is neutral and words rough, but Dokja knows him well enough to know that he cares. It makes his heart clench painfully because Joonghyuk makes it so hard to walk away. 

He knows he can never win Joonghyuk’s heart. He has known since the day Joonghyuk walked into class with Lee Seolhwa’s hand held in his. 

He just chases after Joonghyuk’s silhouette, in hopes he would look back. But even when the Sun disappears behind the horizon and the moon rises through a canopy of clouds; even when years pass, Joonghyuk never does.

They aren’t star-crossed lovers or those soulmates that Han Sooyoung talks about. They’re barely friends anymore, at the two ends of a spectrum- never meeting.

“Don’t worry,” he chuckles out, “I won’t die till I say my speech as the best man at your wedding.”

He doesn’t see Joonghyuk clutch the steering wheel harder.

There are trees on both sides of the Vancouver-Blaine Highway when Dokja opens his eyes. The Sun is up and shining softly on them as the horizon turns blue, white fluffy clouds dotting the sky. The endless road begins to taper and Dokja sits back in his seat as they cross the border, revving away to the USA.

The road tapers more as they leave the tolls behind, trees towering over them as the area turns greener. Dokja scrolls through the list of destinations on his phone as Joonghyuk keeps driving. There’s static on the radio now and the sound is lowered to a gentle buzz as they pass by cars.

Light finds its way to Dokja’s eyes and he winces as he turns to look out the window. Lake Samish glistens in all its glory, small ripples over the calm water and light reflecting over them as the Sun emerges over the horizon. His eyes take in the view, hands rising with his camera to capture it in film. There are tree-covered hills on the other side, the blue sky mirrored on the surface of the water, a golden orb lighting up the world.

“Yoo Joonghyuk”, he hears himself whisper, his voice filled with awe, “We should stop here.” 

The taller male grunts, eyeing the other male who is practically leaning out of the window with his camera. There’s a small smile on Dokja’s face and he distantly realises it’s been a long while since he’s seen it. A smile that was ever so often directed to him. A smile now foreign and unknown.

It… hurts. 

Joonghyuk looks away.

“Wasn’t the first destination on your list Seattle?” He asks as he slows down.

Dokja turns to look at him, the smile still on his face and Joongyuk freezes at the glow.

“But if we don’t stop here, we’ll miss this beautiful sunrise.” The rising Sun lights up the world behind him and there’s a halo of light covering Kim Dokja. It’s pretty enough to be delusional and Joonghyuk finds himself pulling up.

Dokja flashes him a smile as he hurriedly gets out, crossing the road to jump over to the other side, trying to get a clear photograph. Joonghyuk takes his time, locking the car before he makes his way to the other male. The Sun peeks from behind the endless clouds and hills, a brilliant flash of light illuminating the surface. 

A cool breeze blows over them as the Sun rises, blinding yellow. Joonghyuk catches Dokja from the corner of his eyes, the bright light reflected in his dark iris, his face glowing. The shorter male brings the camera to his eyes, one hand adjusting the lens as he snaps a picture of the idyllic view. 

The Sun rises and settles in the sky but Joonghyuk doesn’t turn to spare it a glance.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry, Dokja but I don’t think I can make it.”

“But we planned this road trip years ago! We promised we’ll go no matter what!”

“I know, I’m so sorry. Why don’t you ask Yoo Joonghyuk? He was supposed to go with us, wasn’t he?”

“I hope you don’t mind some music.” 

Dokja connects the car Bluetooth to his phone, a soft indie song playing into existence. The soft drums fill up the silence in the car, as it speeds along the freeway, the sky bright blue. The road is still fairly empty, the wee hours of morning turning into a beautiful day.

The windows are rolled up now, Dokja softly resting his forehead on the glass. The world rushes past and he loses himself in his mind. His eyes rest on his companion, his childhood friend, his first love- a stranger now. 

How long has it been since they sat down and talked about their dreams? Since they fought over the last dumpling? Since they stayed up till 3 in the morning, watching the same movie they’ve watched 1000 times? Since Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him?  

He doesn’t know. He tells himself he doesn’t care.

He does.

He cares so much that it hurts to see him in someone else’s arms. His smile directed at someone else. His hands holding someone else’s. His heart belonging to someone else. But more than that, it hurts losing the person he has known since he was a child.

Losing the one he loves hurts… but watching his friend becoming a stranger hurts more.

“Is this yours?” A younger Dokja asks cheeks plump and pink, tiny hands clutching a game console keychain. The other child looks at him, long bangs falling in his eyes. He nods softly, staring intently at the keychain. Dokja smiles as he hands it over, cheeks puffing. 

“I’m Kim Dokja!” He says enthusiastically, the smile never fading. “What’s your name?” 

“Yoo Joonghyuk.” The other child mutters, holding his keychain close to him. Dokja leans in closer to hear him before beaming, offering his small hand to Joonghyuk.

“Wanna be friends, Joonghyukie?”

Joonghyuk looks up from his pamphlet, eyes trailing over the crowd before they land on Kim Dokja. The shorter male stands in front of one of the artworks, the soft white light from behind the art falling on him, setting him apart from the crowd. Joonghyuk walks up to him, standing right next to him, their shoulders brushing.

“Don’t get lost here, Kim Dokja.” The man next to him stiffens before he looks up and relaxes. He flashes Joonghyuk a small smile before looking away as if to say “I won’t”.

The Seattle Art Museum is big and they take their time exploring the numerous rooms. There is a huge crowd inside but it isn’t suffocating. They find themselves standing in a line for Yayoi Kusama’s infinity mirrors, people pushing past them. 

Dokja stumbles, hands trying to find something to hold so he doesn’t fall when he feels a large hand grip his waist. The hand stabilizes him and he looks up to the owner of the hand to thank. Dark eyes stare back at him and he feels his face flush.

“Thanks.” He mumbles, looking away from Joonghyuk. The taller male doesn’t say a word and Dokja straightens up, waiting for him to remove his hand. The warm hand stays on his waist and Dokja blushes.

“Yoo Joonghyuk,” he says, cheeks burning, “Can you remove your hand?” He hates his heart for beating so fast and the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

The answer is a short “No” and his eyes almost pop out of their sockets. But before he can open his mouth to protest, someone bumps into him, pushing him towards Joonghyuk. He winces as he hits the taller male, no space between them. The hand on his waist snakes around it, holding him closer and Dokja finds himself tongue-tied.

Why was Yoo Joonghyuk doing this? Wasn’t the ache from his unrequited love enough? 

Why was Joonghyuk giving him a taste of something that was forbidden to him?

As fast as it beats, it breaks too and Dokja winces. Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t mean anything by these touches, he’s just trying to keep Dokja from falling face-first on the ground. Yet why did he crave so much for it to be real?

He closes his eyes, head bowed as they keep moving in the line, Joonghyuk’s arm encircling his waist. Dokja knows he’ll never win his heart but it hurts nonetheless. But for a moment, he lets himself believe this is real.

He vows to himself as tears well in his eyes. Just for this trip, he’d let himself love Joonghyuk. Just for this time, he’ll allow himself to let go of any guilt he feels. Just this once, he’ll do what his heart desires.

And then he’ll leave Joonghyuk’s life, just as quietly as he came.

“Infinity Mirrored Room—Aftermath of Obliteration of Eternity” is as beautiful as it sounds. Golden lanterns flicker across the endless void of blank space, shimmering patterns of light across emptiness. The room is dim yet brilliantly lit up and Dokja loses himself in the ambience.

He walks forward, one arm stretched out, light illuminating every part of him. He’s shining against the dark and Joonghyuk stops to look at him. The lanterns are like freckles against his snow-white skin, soft light against his features. Dokja looks at Joonghyuk, calling out to him as stars explode in his eyes.

Yoo Joonghyuk is star-struck as he moves forward.

“The artist says it’s a recall of a Japanese tradition,” Dokja says as he looks up at the seemingly thousands of lanterns, “A ceremony where lanterns float down a river to guide ancestral spirits back to their resting places. It shows the impermanence of life and certitude of death.”

Dokja reaches out a hand as if to touch one of the lights but then he pulls back, turning away to stare at the infinite darkness. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Joonghyuk doesn’t look away from Dokja.

“It is.”

Dokja clicks pictures of everything he sees, from the corner of the art gallery to the glass art sculpture in the lobby of Benaroya Hall. They find themselves caught in the labyrinth of Seattle streets till evening, sightseeing the various attractions the city has to offer.

It’s nearing 8:30 in the evening when Joonghyuk checks his watch. He raises his eyes to look around Gas Works Park, waiting for the Sun to set. Dokja sits on the grass next to him, leaning back on his arms as he looks up at the sky.

The Sky is still bright, blue fading into a deep orange. Purple bleeds in from the top, painting a beautiful picture in front of them. Dokja has his camera out, recording the video of the slow sunset to change into a time-lapse later. 

Time freezes for a few minutes as the Sun dips, a magnificent blur of orange, pink and purple. The burning orb heads into the water, chasing away the remnants of the day. 

Joonghyuk feels a weight settle on his shoulder and he looks to the side. And there's Kim Dokja, asleep on his shoulder like a cat curled next to its owner for a nap. He's breathing softly, hands buckling behind him, making him lean on Joonghyuk. 

The Sunset hues fall on his face and light it up and Joonghyuk cannot look away. The elder's face is relaxed, lips parted and eyelashes resting prettily on his cheeks. There are dark circles under his eyes but he still looks ethereal and Joonghyuk doesn't find it in himself to wake him up. He knows it’s wrong for him to feel this way, he’s dating Lee Seolhwa for crying out loud. 

But there is no one to question him here.

So he pulls the man by the waist, loosely encircling it as he looks away to watch the chasing sunset.

Dokja adjusts the rearview mirror as they pass through the streetlight-lit road. The plains are left behind and they travel through the heart of the city. Next to him, Joonghyuk sits on the passenger seat, eyes closed and head resting against the headrest. Dokja sneaks a glance before he looks ahead, focusing on the road.

The windows are rolled down, gentle breeze flowing into the car. There’s a soft CAS song playing in the background, the words a whisper. The sky is still a little blue, stars softly blinking into existence. The faraway city lights blend in with the stars -constellations of the suburb.

He thinks back to the way he woke up in Seattle, curled up against Joonghyuk’s side, a warm hand on his waist. He had been too surprised to move, trying to make himself believe that he was still dreaming. But he had stirred and Joonghyuk had let him go abruptly as if the touch burned him and Dokja’s heart had faltered.

None of them brought up the topic, opting for making their way to the car instead. Dokja had insisted on driving and Joonghyuk had quietly gotten into the passenger seat.

Dokja sighs softly, wind rustling through his hair, tousling it. He watches the stars descend as they speed past buildings, straight to Oregon. A new song comes up and he hums softly, too exhausted to mull over the incidents of the day. He relaxes against the seat, lyrics flowing past his lips.

The drive to Oregon city is fairly quiet, soft songs humming through the speakers, Dokja singing along. Joonghyuk wakes up midway, staying silent for the rest of the trip. The stars are shining brightly and they stop just 20 miles shy of the city to stargaze. It’s nearing 1 in the morning but none of them cares, leaning on the hood of the car to look at the galaxy above.

“Wow”, Dokja breathes out, voice awestruck as he gazes at the shining sky. He’s wearing a thin grey cardigan over his T-shirt, hands crossed and gripping his arms. The wind is chilly, blowing softly over their faces.

Joonghyuk nods back, leaning back on his hands resting on the car. The sky is shades of dark blue and purple, city lights and stars illuminating it. The moon makes them all pale in comparison, bright, full and round. The craters are hazy but visible and somehow they make it seem prettier.

Joonghyuk breathes out, eyes focused on the celestial bodies, unaware of the soft gaze on him. 

“Not taking pictures?” He asks and Dokja shakes his head, still looking at him.

“No,” he answers, burning the image of Joonghyuk illuminated by the thousands of stars in his mind.

“Why?”

“The camera won’t do it justice.”

They reach their hotel soon after, checking in and keeping their luggage in their shared room. The room is spacious, two beds placed on one side, separated by a common nightstand. There are two big windows, letting in the cool air. There isn’t much furniture except a loveseat and a large TV mounted on the wall.

Dokja collapses on his bed, snuggling against the sheets like a cat. He lets out a long sigh, eyes getting heavier by the minute. He cracks one eye open, watching Joonghyuk get ready for bed. The taller male climbs into bed, reaching out for the lamp when he notices Dokja looking at him. He raises an eyebrow and Dokja smiles sleepily.

“Get up early tomorrow, Joonghyukie. We have a city to explore.” And with that he passes out, eyes closing and breaths slowing, face smushed against a fluffy pillow. 

Joonghyuk watches him for a second before a small smile makes its way to his lips. He looks at Dokja fondly, eyes soft and heart beating too fast.

“It’s been a while since you called me that.”

The next day is hectic, filled with sightseeing plans. Dokja gets up first, beaming with energy to explore the city. They have breakfast at the hotel, zoom through getting ready for the day and loading their luggage back into the car. Early morning sends them off on their way and the Sunrise greets them as they enter the main road.

The hike route of McLoughlin Promenade is simple and idyllic, soft sunrays peeking in through the canopy as they make their way through the forested area. The hike opens to a freer space, Willamette falls visible. Joonghyuk walks up to the parapet, watching the water fall with a loud ‘whoosh’.

Dokja trails behind, huffing and out of breath, hands clutching his camera. His face is slightly flushed, pink dusting his cheeks and sweat plastering his bangs over his forehead. He sighs before straightening up and walking to the taller male.

“No fair, Yoo Joonghyuk,” Dokja whines, “just because you’re the active one out of us, you don’t have to flex it by reaching here faster.” His lips curl in a pout and somehow it takes all of Joonghyuk’s willpower to look away. He grunts in response, turning away to look at the water.

“Maybe if you started exercising instead of reading your web novels till 4 am…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, looking down at Dokja with a small smirk on his face.

The elder’s face burns, ears reddening as he looks away, the smirk catching him off-guard. He brings the camera to his face, hiding behind it as he clicks pictures of the fall and the Oregon City Bridge. Joonghyuk smiles wider as he watches Dokja, butterflies in his stomach.

The city grows more beautiful as they explore it, the gardens are lush green, the food delicious. They go wine tasting in an orchard, taking care not to drink too much. The museum is filled with Native American artefacts and they stay admiring the art. They make their way to the Arch Bridge, Dokja clicking pictures of the frothy waterfall. They take selfies and ask strangers to take their pictures and he finds himself falling in love with the city.

Evening creeps sooner than expected and the duo make their way to the famous Oregon City Municipal Elevator. The city is below them, clouds in their view and streetlights sparkling the view. 

“I never want to leave.”  Joonghyuk turns to look at Dokja, the shorter male standing near the glass window, a soft smile on his face. 

“Let’s stay here then.” He finds himself saying, eyes resting on Dokja. He turns around to look at Joonghyuk, laughing softly as he shakes his head, a soft blush on his face. He walks toward the taller male.

“Let’s go, Yoo Joonghyuk, there’s still so much left to see in this world.”

The drive to Eugene is short and they reach their hotel before they know it. The roads are lit up with lights and the city is awake. They quickly check in, changing into a fresh set of clothes before they make their way back to the car. 

The road is relatively empty, a cover of “Surf” plays in the car as Joonghyuk drives. He’s wearing a solid black T-shirt with jeans, hair perfectly set. Dokja is an exact contrast to him, clad in a white T-shirt with a thin beige cardigan and light jeans. His sleeves are pushed back, a thin bracelet on his wrist. His hair catches the breeze, flowing through it. 

The Hult Center for Performing Arts is made up of glass and it shines from the inside, looking like a building from a fantasy movie. There’s a soft song playing and they both stare in awe as they park the car. The inside is just as beautiful and they both take their seats in the magnificent hall, waiting for the lights to dim.

The hall goes silent, spotlights falling on a person on the stage. The day’s performances start. 

Dokja clicks a few pictures, eyes sparkling with curiosity as he watches the performances unblinkingly. Joonghyuk steals a few glances but looks away just as quick, afraid to let the other notice.

The night drags, people showcasing their talent and breathing life into art. Dokja leans back in his seat, stretching his legs out. A contemporary dance performance of “Fire on Fire” begins and he loses himself in the tale told. The dancers are two women, their bodies moving in harmony, perfectly conveying the pain. 

There’s a warmth on his hand and he stills, a hand softly resting on his own. He doesn’t need to turn to look at the owner of the hand. His face flushes as he feels fingers intertwine with his.

Joonghyuk’s hand is larger than his, warmer than his. His fingers are longer too, rough callouses line the edge of his palm. His touch is light as if he’s afraid Dokja will pull back but he just closes his fingers around the hand, focusing on the show.

They don’t talk about it as they exit the hall or even when Joonghyuk reaches for his hand in the car while driving. They just hold hands under the canopy of stars, a warm comfort against the deafening crack of Dokja’s heart.

Joonghyuk wakes up to the soft pitter-patter of a drizzle outside their hotel room’s window. He slowly opens his eyes, darkness greeting him. The clock on the bedside table reads 5:56. Sleepily, he peels off the comforter, getting up from the warm confines of the hotel bed. 

There’s a lump on the other bed, softly moving up and down with Dokja’s breathing. He walks up to the bed, the shorter male’s head peeking out from the cocoon of sheets. Joonghyuk smiles, reaching out and running a hand through Dokja’s silky hair. The sleeping man lets out a small noise of contentment, smiling in his sleep as he snuggles against the hand.

Joonghyuk feels his chest tighten, butterflies fluttering wildly in his stomach and a small blush forming on his face. He slowly pulls away, turning to the window to look at the softly pouring rain.

A thought strikes him as he picks up his phone and he slowly slips out of the room, making his way to a secluded spot in the long hallway. His fingers find the number in his contact list and he presses call. The phone rings for a few seconds before the call connects and a pleasant voice answers in Korean.

“Oppa?”

“Seolhwa… We need to talk…”

There’s a shift in the air around them, which Dokja notices distantly as he eats his breakfast. Yoo Joonghyuk doesn’t spare him a single glance, even when Dokja tries to start a conversation, only answering in simple ‘yes/no’s. He doesn’t understand what’s wrong. Was it something he said? Something he did? 

But he has no courage to ask so he plays along, acting as if Joonghyuk’s silence isn’t tearing him apart. 

The rain keeps falling as they drive to the heart of the city, starting their day with a museum visit. The building is modern, a beautiful shade of red. The museum is fairly empty in the wee hours of morning and they both explore the area in tranquillity, hiding under their umbrellas.

The next stop is the Science centre. The laser show is magnificent in every aspect and it keeps them on the edge, traversing them to outer space and back. Their eyes still shine with the glimmer of stars when they walk out of the planetarium. 

The rain eases up soon after as they have lunch in a local restaurant. The place is cramped with customers and bystanders alike, trying to find shelter from the rain. They are captured in the film of Dokja’s camera as he shows his clicks to Joonghyuk over the warm food.

Roses bloom on every piece of land on their path. The air is sweet and misty from the rain, the faint scent of roses filling up the area.  There’s an arch door gate littered with rose vines, the flowers blooming in various colours. The backdrop is perfect and they lay down their picnic mat in a secluded area, surrounded by the ethereal blooms.

The cherry tree over them sheds a few blossoms and they wisp around them, raining cherry blossoms. The mat is littered with bottles of Ramune, all shining prettily under the sunlight. Dokja leans back on his hands, looking up at the beautiful tree, taking in the sight of the garden. A stray cherry blossom lands on his head, flattening against it.

Joonghyuk watches the oblivious man for a few seconds before he’s leaning over, reaching out to pick it up. Dokja chooses that moment to straighten up, opening his mouth to say something but it dies on his lips as he comes face to face with Joonghyuk, skin inches apart. His heartbeat quickens, blood pulsing through his veins making him shake. He doesn’t dare move.

Joonghyuk still leans in, closer than necessary, reaching out and picking up the fallen blossom, hand sliding from Dokja’s head to rest easily at his nape and the other male freezes at the touch. His hand slides down and away, the blossom held between his fingers as he pulls back. 

“You had a flower in your hair, fool.” He explains, tossing the small blossom away. Dokja blinks, finally coming to his senses as he looks away, pink-faced. He fears he’s reading between the lines, wishing for the other to reciprocate his feelings when Joonghyuk is just being nice to him.

They spend the rest of the afternoon sprawled across the mat, talking about their shared childhood memories. Dokja lies on his side, back against the tree as he looks at Joonghyuk, leaning back on his hands, a few feet away from him.

“Remember the time we went to the arcade together? Back in the second year of middle school?” Dokja asks, head resting on his arm. Joonghyuk “hmms” in response, a soft- barely-there- smile spreading on his lips.

“When we got kicked out in one hour?” 

Dokja snorts, turning to lie on his back, hand reaching out to the sky. 

“I miss those days.” He says after a few minutes of silence, eyes glossed, staring at something far away. Joonghyuk turns to look at him, eyes widening just a fraction.

“I missed talking about nothing and everything like this…” He continues, hand plopping down on the mat.

“I missed you.”

The words are whispered but Joonghyuk catches them, lips pressing into a thin line as he realizes the weight of the words. They had drifted away from each other and Joonghyuk knew it was his fault. Dokja didn’t have many friends in High School, no one wanting to be friends with the quiet boy with a bad past. He realizes how painfully lonely it must’ve been for his friend and Joonghyuk can’t help but feel guilt seep into him.

He makes a promise to himself, smiling a little as he speaks.

“I didn’t go anywhere, fool.” Dokja looks at him.

“I’m right here with you.”

The slight pang of guilt in his heart melts away at the sight of Dokja’s blinding smile.

"If we leave now, we can reach Trinidad around 11," Dokja says as he scrolls on the map app, showing the route to Joonghyuk. "But we can take a small detour around 9 to go to Crescent City."

Joonghyuk leans over to the passenger seat, studying the route carefully. Their car is parked on the side of the road, right in front of the garden. There's silence around them, the Sun starting to set and painting everything a glowing orange.

Joonghyuk reaches out for Dokja's hand, pulling him closer, never looking away from the screen. The other man startles, his face inches away from Joonghyuk's. 

Joonghyuk seems unbothered, holding Dokja's hand in his larger, warmer one, the other's hair tickling the nape of his neck. He knows how close they are but acts oblivious as if he wasn't craving the skin contact. He "hmm"s as he scrolls on the phone, nodding lightly in approval of the plan. He turns to look at Dokja and his heart skips a beat. 

Because Dokja is sporting a dark blush, looking away and bangs falling into his eyes. Joonghyuk reaches out his hand and pushes the bangs back, letting his fingers linger on the other’s skin. 

The touch is electrifying and Dokja’s looking at him with wide eyes, searching, gaze flickering.

Joonghyuk's eyes trail over his face till they reach his lips. Dokja is biting his lips and Joonghyuk licks his own, leaning forward. The pulse of the thin wrist in his hands is wild and he's sure he isn't faring any better. But the man in front of him looks so kissable with his wide eyes, cherry red blush and—

The phone in their hands rings and they both pull away, Joonghyuk letting go of Dokja's hand in surprise. The other picks up the phone, his hands shaking, face red.

“H-Hello?” 

Joonghyuk turns away, a light flush across his face, a hand hiding it from view. He watches the fumbling man from the corner of his eyes, his eyes still a little glossed over.

“Yeah, Sooyoung, what happened?"

"..."

"No, we're fine..." 

"..."

"How's Biyoo?"

There's a long silence and Dokja's eyes soften by the end, his voice gentle.

"Take care of her, I'll be back soon."

The conversation doesn't last long and soon the call cuts, silence engulfing them. The rev of the engine cuts through the tense atmosphere as the car turns on and they drive off.

The Sunset hour disappears behind light grey clouds, everything dulling in an instant. There's a wild breeze, trees flailing and leaves ripping away. Joonghyuk keeps driving slowly through the storm.

It passes in a few minutes, drizzle taking its way. Dokja leans on the window, eyes fluttering closed as he listens to the gentle lull of rain. His thoughts are in disarray, Joonghyuk turning his world upside down. He doesn't know what's up with the other, why he's acting the way he is but he knows he can't handle it anymore.

It's too real, too vivid to just let go when all he's wanted is this. There's guilt, thick and heavy in his heart, turning into a weight in his throat he can't swallow. How could he be doing this to someone? Taking away the one they love because he's selfish? 

He cracks an eye open, chasing the raindrops on his window as they burst into existence and then bleed into others before finally washing away as rain pours. He lets a bittersweet smile cover his face as he falls into a dreamless sleep. 

In the driver's seat, Joonghyuk clutches the steering wheel tighter, heart still beating loudly in his ears. He'd almost kissed Dokja without even asking him if he wanted it. Just because he feels this way towards him doesn't mean Dokja feels the same. He feels his heart break, a lump forming in his throat as he drives on.

The night stays young and their broken & aching hearts beat in sync.

Miles of endless darkness make way for city lights. The vast area is lit up with streetlights, a backdrop against the cool salt breeze. The freeway ends as they enter Crescent City.

The sea breeze is humid and cool and Dokja rolls down his window, taking in the scent of the beach. The road they leave behind is lit up with streetlights and headlights, like a thousand fireflies above the rippling tide.

They drive through the city, leaving behind the glittering streets, reaching the end of the road. They park their car, making their way to the Pier. It's dark, no person in sight, the clock striking ten.

Dokja makes his way to the end, the endless orbs of brightness shining across his eyes. He runs to the fence, leaning forward to capture the beauty. There's solace in the empty Pier, the salty breeze, and the beach's scent. The moon shines on the surface, ripples beaming with the glow.

There’s a presence beside him but Dokja doesn’t move. He stares ahead and Joonghyuk walks closer. The waves crash and break, rhythmic in the dead of the night. 

“I’m sorry.”

Dokja doesn’t turn to look at Joonghyuk as the latter continues.

“I shouldn’t have…” the words die on his lips and the tide recedes, leaving them in radio silence. Dokja doesn’t flinch as he lets out a light chuckle, heartache hidden away deep.

“It’s okay. I understand.” 

‘Why would you want to kiss me anyway?’ stays unsaid. 

Dokja looks back out to the sea, fresh tears springing into his eyes. He blinks rapidly, trying to wash them away, to conceal the hurt a little longer. He swallows a lump in his throat as Joonghyuk speaks again.

“The car is almost out of gas. We need to stop by a gas station.” 

“You can go now, I-” Dokja’s voice breaks and he clears his throat, praying Joonghyuk doesn’t notice. “I’d like to stay here for a little while longer.”

Joonghyuk doesn’t. He stays silent for a while before nodding, turning around and walking to the road where the car is parked. Dokja watches the silhouette till it disappears, eyes glistening like the waves mirroring the lights. He turns towards the water, everything finally hitting him full force, the emotions raw on his face.

The tears flow, lips quivering as he holds the railing in an almost bruising grip. His vision blurs, breaths short and shallow as the pain finds an escape. He lets out a wail, sinking to the ground, too tired to stay standing as he cries out, clutching his heart.

The crashing waves and rising tides cover all the sounds of his crying, providing him with peace. The moon shines on him still, unwavering. 

Kim Dokja’s world crashes and burns around him, Yoo Joonghyuk standing in the midst of the chaos.

Red-rimmed eyes stare at the ceiling, lying awake in the dead of night. The lights are off, the small room dark and silent. The man next to him sleeps peacefully, on his designated side of the bed but Dokja can’t. He lets out a soft sigh and sniffles, hands curling around the blanket in an attempt to find the warmth that comes with sleep. 

The single bed is too small for two grown adults and they share the space, lying on edges.

Outside the window, it rains mist. Soft and steady taps against a window. The world is silent and cold and Dokja lies awake at 3 am, all out of tears to cry.

There’s the sound of shifting and an arm drapes across him, pulling him closer. Dokja lets himself be pulled, too tired to push away. Joongyuk presses closer to him before relaxing back, sleeping soundly. Empty eyes stare at him fondly, a light chuckle escaping his lips. 

Who knew Joonghyuk still had a habit of cuddling things in his sleep?

Dokja turns to look at Joonghyuk, eyes red and gaze soft. His eyes glisten, filling up with tears again as he brings his hands to softly cup Joonghyuk’s face. They stay just shy of the smooth skin, too afraid to accidentally wake him up. Tears drop down on his pillow, a smile on his face.

“I wish I could hold you like this when you’re awake.” He whispers, voice breaking as his breath shakes.

“I wish it was easier, Joonghyuk…” he sniffles, “It hurts to love you so much when you don’t even see me.”

“I wish I could get over it and just leave your life… but I’m so selfish. I never want to leave you… even if it kills me inside. I love you so much…” his voice breaks, “I just wish you did too..”

His voice dies out as he pulls away, rubbing away the tear streaks. 

His heart is Pandora’s box and the only thing that remains is hope- sweet, pure, vile hope. 

And with fresh tears pooling in his eyes, his heart a heavy burden in his chest, he finally lets sleep overcome him.

The next morning finds Joonghyuk waking up with his arms full of Dokja, bodies pressing together. Dokja is tucked under his chin, curled into himself and the sight makes Joonghyuk's heart feel full. A small smile spreads over his lips as he realizes Dokja is clutching his T-shirt. Before he can stop himself, he’s leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss to the other’s forehead.

It’s a view he would love to wake up to every day, Joonghyuk realizes distantly as he untangles himself from the sheets and Dokja’s hold. It’s still very early, the world outside still dark and quiet. Joonghyuk makes his way to the small table in the corner of the room, picking up his phone when his eyes land on Dokja’s camera.

Joonghyuk isn’t the curious one out of the two yet something pulls him towards the gadget. Something telling him that he needs to see something. 

The pull is too strong and Joonghyuk finds himself picking up the camera, the weight settling easily in his hands. He turns it on, directing to the menu. There are folders, all titled with dates of every place they visited and the day they visited. He mindlessly looks through them, appreciating the beautiful clicks.

A folder catches his eyes, titled with a singular heart and Joonghyuk feels a pang of jealousy. He wonders what it holds, almost exiting the window when his curiosity wins over him. He clicks on the folder and a picture pops up and Joonghyuk stops breathing.

There are only pictures of him, from every angle, all of them candid shots taken when he wasn’t noticing. In some he’s smiling, in some, he’s gazing off into the distance. There are some of him in front of the Sunset and Sunrise, painting a dark silhouette against the blur of bright hues.

They’re all beautiful .

“But why would he…” The words die on his lips as realization hits. All the memories resurface, all drowning in a different light, all with Kim Dokja in them.

Oh.

Oh .

A blush spreads on his face and he hides his face, too overwhelmed. He turns towards the bed, walking to it and kneeling, reaching out to gently caress Dokja’s cheeks with his knuckles. His heart feels like it might float away.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispers, knowing the answer full well. 

"I'm sorry I took so long to notice, my love."

The rocks are rough beneath his fingers, a little bit of it erodes where his sneakers rest. The waves ebb and flow, hitting the rocks and the beach, dragging over sand before leaving a fleeting touch. The wet sand reflects the sky- a blur of blue and orange. The beach foams leave behind their mark; washing away as the waves chase. 

The sky lightens, the waves turn bluer. Joonghyuk leans back, fingers intertwined with Dokja’s. There’s a slight breeze and Dokja’s hair ruffles, dark eyes reflecting the hues of the sky. The blurred orange ball of light appears on the horizon.

The sea is calm and their hearts thump inside their chests. The Sun rises and turns everything yellow, till even the waves are painted a heavenly glow. Dokja curls into himself, resting his head on his hand draped over his knees. Joonghyuk shifts beside him and he turns to look at the taller male.

The Sunlight hits him perfectly, making him glow as Joonghyuk watches him. He’s mesmerized and in love with the man he realizes as he swallows, sitting up straighter as he turns his body to Dokja. The other sits up straighter too, unknown emotions swirling inside his eyes.

“Dokja,” Joonghyuk starts, heartbeat loud in his ears, “I-”

His phone rings.

Joonghyuk sees red for a moment, his other hand clenching into a fist as he tries to contain himself. The phone rings again and he whips it out of his pocket, a familiar name flashing across the screen.

Lee Seolhwa

Dokja slowly pulls back his hand and Joonghyuk turns to look at him. Something passes over the other’s face but before Joonghyuk can question it, Dokja smiles.

“Pick up the phone. Whatever you want to say to me can wait… right?” There’s uncertainty lacing his voice, words trailing off at the end but Joonghyuk stays tongue-tied. He nods wordlessly and gets up, missing the other’s warmth as he slowly gets off the rock.

He doesn’t turn back to see Dokja fighting back tears. He doesn’t turn back to see the hurt in glossy eyes. He doesn’t turn back to see Dokja curling up and resting his head on his knees.

He doesn’t turn back and Dokja doesn’t call out as tears run down his face.

There’s radio silence in the car, awkward and thick with unknown tension. Dokja drives, hands resting on the steering wheel, eyes puffy and still pink. Joonghyuk taps away on his phone, a frown on his face. He switches the device off, a ping cutting off midway as he turns to look at Dokja.

“You didn’t sleep well?” 

Dokja flinches at the sudden sound, shrugging in response. 

“Couldn’t really fall asleep. Maybe it was the bed?” Dokja adds halfheartedly, guilt resting in his throat- thick and sticky.

Joonghyuk stays silent and Dokja looks at him for a brief second before he focuses back on driving. The greenery surrounding them doesn’t offer any calm and the road seems never-ending. Even the light music in the car doesn’t alleviate the mood.

Joonghyuk turns to look out the window, blaming himself for the sudden distance between them. If only he was brave enough to gather his courage and confess to Dokja…

“What.”

“Joonghyuk-ssi?”

“What is it, Lee Seolhwa.”

“I’m so sorry! I accidentally dialled your number! I didn’t mean to!”

“...”

“Joonghyuk-ss-”

“Did he… hang up…?”

The cable car stops and the duo gets down, the beauty of Chinatown greeting them. It’s lit up with colours, tranquillity surrounding it. They walk in through the gate, strolling leisurely through the streets.

The buildings are gorgeous and Dokja finds himself clicking pictures at every turn. The trade mark building is beautiful and they stop to listen to the music playing on the street. Kim Dokja keeps taking snapshots of Chinatown, pushing his heartache to the back of his mind and Joonghyuk follows him, heart begging him to just confess.

They spend the day in Chinatown, exiting it just as the clock strikes 5. The next stop is Twin peaks and it’s every bit beautiful as people say.

Joonghyuk drives the car as Dokja lets out his hand to caress the wind. The sky turns a shy pink, shaded a glossy orange where the horizon expands. The road is wide and empty, the roar of the engine filling their ears. The city starts lighting up beneath them, bright white lights against a deep pink.

Dokja leans towards the door, retreating his hand. He hums a tune as they climb the spiralling road. It’s a quiet ride to the top, a silent walk to the edge as they sit down and stare a the hundreds of thousands of lights of San Francisco.

Another day comes to a close, yet Dokja feels as distant to Joonghyuk as he did the day he stopped by to pick him up and start this crazy road trip. He feels a stranger to the man who sits right next to him, too close for comfort. He wonders if Joonghyuk feels the same and turns to look at him just to see him staring right back. Dokja passes him a smile, a small, curt nod. 

He doesn’t linger on eye contact for long and turns away to look at the rapidly setting Sun, hiding just behind the clouds on the edge of the horizon. The view is breathtaking but all Dokja can feel is emptiness, heavy and cold in his chest. 

The lights are blinding as they stretch out over the edge, bright tints against the black night. There’s the sound of clicks of Dokja’s camera, trying to capture all the shades. Joonghyuk turns to look at him, face resting on folded arms over his knees. Dokja’s eyes hold all the lights of San Francisco and Joonghyuk finds himself smiling at the sight.

“Dokja,” he softly calls out, fingers reaching out to softly thread themselves in the other’s hair. The black strands are soft under his fingertips and Dokja only flinches at the sudden touch, relaxing into it instantly. He hums back an affirmation.

“I broke up with Lee Seolhwa.”

Dokja stills at the words. There’s a sudden tenseness that follows, minutes and seconds blurring into one as they pass by. Joonghyuk waits patiently, fingers tangling and untangling in the smooth strands.

“Why?” Dokja breathes out after a while, silently but surely pulling away from the comforting touch. He feels heavy guilt settle in the pit of his stomach, the comforting hand turning into a touch of burning lead. 

“I like someone else…” Joonghyuk pauses, shaking his head slightly as he speaks again, “Maybe I never really liked her like that…” 

Dokja takes in a sharp breath as he pulls away entirely, the weight of the words crushing him slowly. The cold air of a San Francisco night feels much colder than before as Dokja curls into himself.

“Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault”, his mind supplies as he turns away from Joonghyuk entirely. He’s sure Joonghyuk likes someone else but somehow he feels the crushing guilt of having taken a lover away. His fists clench as he curses himself.

Joonghyuk pulls back his hand, heart aching at Dokja’s response. The cold air grows colder without the other’s warmth and Dokja’s silence hurts more than him pulling away. Didn’t they feel the same? Couldn’t they be together now? A thousand questions run through his mind.

“What’s wrong?” he asks instead, face falling. Dokja shakes his head, getting up and dusting himself off, the lights no longer beautiful.

Joonghyuk follows helplessly, trying to reach out to the man he had fallen so hopelessly in love with. He wonders why every step he takes towards Dokja results in moving back a dozen steps. 

They reach their car and get in, silence engulfing them. But unlike the comfortable silence, this one is tense and claws at their hearts. The drive takes only 3 hours and takes them to Santa Maria but somehow it feels like they travel back in time instead, and instead of Joonghyuk walking in with Seolhwa on his arm, it’s Dokja walking out of the room.

The morning & afternoon in Santa Maria is beautiful. The Sun peeks from behind the buildings, lighting everything gold. The hotel looks over the beach and the view from their window is to die for. 

The beach has grails of gold for sand, shimmering under the light and clear blue waters. Dokja swings his hand a little, shoes held by fingers. His T-shirt bellows in the salt-laden wind, hair ruffling. This is their last spot to rest, their final destination just a few hours away. 

He feels a little bittersweet at the thought, memories of the past week floating through his mind. It hurts a little, to know they’ll probably never be this close again, that his friendship with Joonghyuk would just come to a close. They’ll return to being strangers who once knew each other in the past.

The conversation of the previous night rings in his mind, heart still heavy. He can accept the fact that Joonghyuk has fallen out of love with Seolhwa, that he likes someone else and that he's going to pursue the said person. But what hurts is Joonghyuk's ignorance to everything around him.

It's so easy for him, to let go of someone and go after another just because his feelings change. It's not him that suffers in the end. It's the ones around him. 

The ones in love with him.

Just like Dokja.

It's almost as if Yoo Joonghyuk is the Sun and Dokja is Icarus, losing himself by flying in too close– by falling in love with him, knowing it won't ever be reciprocated.

Joonghyuk walks towards him, bringing Dokja out of his thoughts. The Sun under his feet is hot, stuck in every crevice and curve of his feet. A cool wave crashes against them, slowly receding and turning into sea foam.

"Joonghyuk," the taller male hums in response as they walk side by side. "being the convenience choice hurts."

Joonghyuk turns to look at him but Dokja keeps his eyes trained ahead.

"You can't just drop people when it's convenient for you and you can't just use them for years… just because you're unsure about things. No one deserves to be treated like that."

The words seem familiar, faces flashing before his eyes. People flash before him, people he'd cut off just because. Lee Seolhwa's face is distorted but she looks sad, eyes dull and head held down. 

"You said "maybe I never liked her like that" last night. Maybe you didn't. But don't you think she did?" Dokja continues, steps light. 

"Is the person you like just going to be a second choice?"

The words sting and Joonghyuk stops in his tracks. His fists are clenched, emotions swirling in his eyes as he stares at Dokja. 

"Never," he says through a set jaw, "they'd never be a second choice."

The words take Dokja by surprise. It's rare to see Joonghyuk so passionate about a person. His heart drops to his stomach but he turns around with a small smile, lips trembling.

"They mean the world to me and I would never want to hurt them. I took too long to come to terms with my feelings but I still hope I stand a chance because I'll do anything, anything just to see them smile."

He needs Dokja to know this- to know that this is for Dokja and no one else. He inhales, fists clenched as he speaks again.

“I’ve hurt them a lot…” Dokja watches carefully, “I don’t know if I can ever make it right but I’ve finally found someone I’d give up the world for…” his eyes are glossy as he catches Dokja’s eyes. There’s hurt and guilt swirling in his eyes and Dokja stills, knowing he’s already lost.

“You really love them…” He whispers, body feeling numb as his throat constricts. It’s a lost fight but somehow, hearing the words from Joonghyuk hurts a lot more. He wants to cry, sit right under the glowing Sun and over coarse sand and sob his heart out but he doesn’t.

He flashes a smile, eyes curling closed, tears hiding under eyelashes and musters up all his courage.

“I’m really happy for you.”

The terrain keeps changing as Dokja drives them to Santa Barbara, changing highways towards Santa Monica. The Sun’s heat falters, fluffy clouds blocking the rays. The roof is closed, a soft song playing inside as the A/C blasts cool air. 

The silence is comfortable, just like the first day of their trip. Dokja wonders if it’s because they’re reaching their destination. 

Joonghyuk hums along to the tune and Dokja joins in, softly singing.

“Where would you go?
Would you go somewhere quiet & dark?
Just me & you…
Your sweet perfume got me so loose”

The song strangely captures their situation and Joonghyuk joins him, singing a duet as they drive past trees and through miles, just a touch away from Santa Monica.

“Peel off your guard
Kiss it hard

Leave your lips mark on my neck tattoo

Cover my youth, it's now my wound”

Dokja spares a glance at Joonghyuk, the latter looking back at him. Joonghyuk’s elbow rests on the dashboard, hand holding his face as he watches Dokja with a small smile on his lips. There’s tenderness in his gaze, full of love for the other but the fleeting glance doesn’t allow Dokja to see it all.

The destination creeps closer and closer as the song draws to an end, Joonghyuk and Dokja singing together.

“At least we’ve got nothing to lose…”

Joonghyuk reaches forward, fingers softly caressing Dokja’s cheek as the other stills for a second. He whispers the lyrics softly as Dokja’s eyes widen.

“And I’m glad now I’m here with you”

The signs are all mixed and Dokja doesn’t know if Joonghyuk means it or if he’s playing along with the song. He inhales a shaky breath, deciding to just sing along as the song warps into nothingness.

The soft breeze smells of the beach and salt as they turn to the road next to the sea. The trees disappear, miles and miles of sand and sea taking their place. One press and the roof of the convertible opens, letting in the signature breeze. The Sun’s rays are dull now as the clock nears 6, orange hues diluting into the blue sky.

“I’ve lived this long without a clue
Fearing the future, it’s so doomed
But I’m glad now I’m here with you”

Santa Monica is ethereal. The sky turns violet as they drive into the city, the streets turning purple as soft lights glow along the road. The wind blows into their ears, mellow and rhythmic and Dokja wants to drink up the sight.

They park near the Santa Monica Pier, the Pacific wheel lit up with hundreds of lights like a field of fireflies. There’s the sound of roaring tides and the chatter of people is drowned out. The city is alive and full of untold stories and Dokja wishes to never leave before he even sets foot down.

His eyes fill up with tears with every breath, heart heavy as he curses himself to pull it together. The tightness in his throat doesn’t leave at will and he excuses himself to the washroom. 

The city is beautiful yet Dokja’s story is anything but.

The tears flow as soon as he closes the door behind him and he almost laughs at himself. He’s known this for years. How could he still let the same thing hurt him over and over again? 

How could he fall for Joonghyuk again and again?

He roughly wipes his tears, leaving behind streaks and redness. The skin around his eyes is irritated, sclera bloodshot as he rubs his eyes, desperately trying to hide the fact that he has been crying. He doesn’t bother looking in the mirror, just takes a deep breath before opening the door and walking out.

Joonghyuk waits near the Seaside swing, softly leaning on the chain-link fence. He looks up at the sound of footsteps and his heart falls. Dokja’s hair is tousled, eyes pink and irritated. There are traces of tear streaks on his cheeks and Joonghyuk feels his heart break. He pushes away from the fence, walking to the other. 

Dokja doesn’t look up as Joonghyuk stops in front of him. He doesn’t have to courage or will to face Joonghyuk so he just leans off to the side, hoping Joonghyuk doesn’t notice something is wrong.

“Should we go in?” His voice is hoarse, tears still held back & threatening to break free. 

Except Joonghyuk notices that something is wrong. He steps into Dokja’s personal space, reaching out and lifting Dokja’s face to meet his eyes. There are fresh tears pooling in Dokja’s eyes and Joonghyuk watches as they drop down, heart aching.

He cups Dokja’s face, thumbs wiping away the tears as he tries to understand what’s going on.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks, panic lacing his voice. The other just sobs, hands clutching Joonghyuk’s T-shirt. Joonghyuk stands confused for a moment before he pulls Dokja closer, embracing him. Dokja clutches to him, tears flowing freely as he lets out all his pent up emotions.

The taller male rubs his back soothingly, whispering sweet nothings as his heart breaks at the sight. 

“Why…” Dokja cries out, voice muffled. Joonghyuk stops, gently pulling away to look at Dokja, urging him to continue.

“Why can’t I hate you, Yoo Joonghyuk?

Joonghyuk stands taken aback, eyes wide. 

"You're never going to look back! It's never going to be me and I know that! I accepted that years ago so why… Why does it still hurt?" 

The area around them is deserted, the purple sky softly shining over them as their hearts fall apart.

"You always leave… You always just hurt me and go but I'm still there, watching your silhouette disappear every single time hoping you'd look back and see me!" Dokja takes in a shaky breath, eyes shut tight.

"I'm so tired of this, Joonghyuk and I want to hate you but all I ever do…" his voice breaks, "is fall in love with you over and over again…even when you never do…"

Joonghyuk stands stunned, his grip around Dokja loosening as the other notices and looks up. They're standing too close and their faces are inches apart as Dokja looks up to catch Joonghyuk's eyes. 

Their eyes meet and raw emotions collide. A thousand stars shine in Dokja’s eyes and Joonghyuk realizes, for the nth time— or maybe for the first time—  that he’s in love with the man standing in front of him. His heart bursts with all the love he can’t contain and he reaches up, cupping Dokja’s face as he lets out a soft breath. 

“I wish I could go back in time and tell you this years ago, Dokja…” he says as he leans down, nose touching Dokja’s as the other’s eyes search his. “I wish I could’ve done this sooner.” He finishes as he leans in, closing the distance between them.

Joonghyuk kisses Dokja under the purple skies of Santa Monica and Dokja feels like he’s waited millions of lifetimes for this. All those years of heartache fade away in one moment as Dokja stands on his tip-toes, hands curling into Joonghyuk’s T-shirt, warm lips on his.

Joonghyuk pulls him closer, hands resting softly on Dokja’s waist. There are no sparks, no fireworks behind them but the moment is still magical. They pull away, Dokja breathing shakily as he looks down, heart racing in his chest. There are still tears in his eyes but they aren’t the creation of a broken heart. 

Joonghyuk doesn’t waste a second before lifting Dokja’s face softly with his fingers. His heart thumps, the sound loud and clear in his ears but it all fades as he looks at Kim Dokja. A tender smile lights up his face as Dokja flushes a deep pink and he leans in, tenderly kissing away Dokja’s tears, leaving behind butterfly kisses.

“I love you,” Joonghyuk whispers against his cheek, hands slipping down to hold Dokja’s. They fit perfectly, fingers entangling, slipping into a comfortable grip as if they’ve always been meant to be held. “and I’m so sorry I took so long to reach you.”

Dokja smiles, leaning forward and hiding his blushing face against the other’s shoulder. The gentle hold of Joonghyuk’s arms feels like home and comfort and suddenly, it’s all okay.

“You’re late…” he feigns anger but it melts away as soon as he pulls away to look at Joonghyuk. The taller male’s eyes glitter, beauty against the tranquillity of the Sunset sky and his heart stops beating.

Maybe it beats for the first time.

“But you’re here now,” He says, butterflies dancing in his stomach. He reaches forward, pulling Joonghyuk close as their lips meet halfway, silhouettes dark against the thousands of lights of the Santa Monica Pier.

Dokja thinks he tastes moonlight on Joonghyuk’s lips, ecstasy overflowing in his veins as he stands on his toes. Joonghyuk thinks it’s the touch of the galaxy, of the stars and everything that exists in dreams because it must be holy to receive a love as pure as Dokja’s. 

“I love you,” Dokja whispers against his lips and he’s sure he’s waited a thousand years to hear the words the way because of the way they fill up his heart with pure joy. They stand together in each other’s arms, hearts intertwined like star-crossed lovers. The waves crash and drag, the Sun disappears and the sky lights up with city lights as they begin anew.

There are a hundred new videos in Dokja’s camera when they return home, all raw clips of the two smiling, the grainy film of the camera beautifying every flaw and orb of light. There’s love between intertwined fingers, under every kiss Joonghyuk places on Dokja’s face, over every inch of Joonghyuk’s skin Dokja traces and in every look. 

There’s solace in Santa Monica and a new fable blooms over the green grass as love blossoms. And with every tide and every Sunset, Joonghyuk and Dokja write a romance, not entirely unheard of, but one truly believed in.