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It’s already dark outside when Steve makes his way back to his house after dropping Robin home. Just another day at Family Video.
The rain taps lightly on the windshield and the radio cracks away tune after tune that Steve is not paying attention to. It hasn’t been a bad day, but then again lately it’s been difficult for Steve to remember what a good day feels like.
He makes his way through the ghost town that is Hawkins, when the radio host says something that catches his attention, presenting the newest hit from Queen.
Steve’s heart skips a bit when the first notes start playing.
There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us
“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff” Eddie smirks as his van’s radio blasts Bohemian Rhapsody on full volume.
It took a whole lot of discussions and a long process of trial and error, a bunch of “this is way too loud” and “but this is way too lame” “stop mocking me, Eds” “oh, Harrington, I could never” before they settled on common ground between heavy metal and pop and compromised on what music to listen to when they were together.
Halfway happy, as El would say. And Queen did the job perfectly. And so that’s what they listen to over their long drives, that’s what they dance to in Steve’s kitchen at 3am, when they should be asleep but they’re too afraid to miss out on a single second with each other.
That’s what they sing along to until their voices give out, one mixtape after the other.
Steve could take that ‘halfway’ out of the picture entirely. He’s as happy as he could be.
He takes a look at Eddie’s face, perfectly framed by long, curly hair, the moonlight hitting him in a way that makes him look like he’s some ethereal being, out of this world. He’s an angel in devil’s clothing. An angel Steve so desperately wants to kiss.
So he does just that, leaning over until their lips touch and Eddie sighs in abandonment, his hand clutching the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck. They kiss until their lungs are burning, bodies aching with heat and desire and so much love, until Steve has to pull away for air, forcing himself to break contact before he jumps that flushed mess that is Eddie, right then and there.
“That is the stuff.” He echoes as he winks and takes a puff of the joint Eddie offers him.
Nights like this are so beautiful, only the two of them, Eddie’s van parked in front of Lover’s Lake, a couple bottles of beer and their fingers linked over the stick shift.
And if it depended on Steve, he would never let go.
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Steve’s iron grip on the steering wheel makes his knuckles go white.
He hasn’t been listening to Queen in a while. Not since…
A fox runs across the road and Steve almost runs it over, hitting the brakes at the very last minute with all the force he has. The fox stops dead in its tracks, takes a long, terrified look at the car, then quickly scoots back into the woods.
Steve takes a few deep breaths and slowly parks the car at the side of the empty road. He turns the headlight off, the rhythm of the rain on the roof keeping him company alongside the music.
And all he can do is remember.
There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
Steve tries to pay attention to the movie, he really does, but it’s so difficult with the feeling of Eddie wrapped around him as he is. It drives him insane.
He cuddles into Eddie more, getting as close as he can.
Under the smell of cigarettes and cheap cologne, there’s something that is so uniquely Eddie. Something that tells him, after all the pain and the searching, he’s finally home. Steve pushes his face deeper into Eddie’s chest, letting the warmth embrace him.
Eddie kisses his forehead, his hand mindlessly caressing Steve’s back, sometimes moving down to Steve’s arms, and then finally sliding underneath Steve’s shirt, coming to rest on his hip.
It’s the nights like this that they both live for, only them and cheap takeout and talks about anything and everything, until the first lights of dawn break in through the curtains in Eddie’s trailer. The tv in front of them keeps them company, playing whatever flick Steve had rented out from Family Video.
Eddie’s hand spreads a burning sensation through Steve’s whole body, convincing him that he might just burst into flames right then and there if he’s not careful. Part of him hopes Eddie’s hand would wonder further down still, but he’s happy with the beauty that is just feeling each other’s presence.
It doesn’t take long, however, for Steve to be straddling Eddie’s lap as he pulls him in for a kiss that is deep, almost desperate in its desire.
All that happens next is hot and it’s sweet and it’s them merging into one as they whisper nonsense in the dark, all the I love yous and You’re so perfect and every other thing in between that they wouldn’t be able to put into words because God, no word is tender enough and no phrase can convey enough love, enough adoration.
By the time they separate again, panting and sweaty and spent, the end credits of the movie are rolling and Steve can’t help but laugh.
He’s rented Top Gun four times by now, and he still doesn’t know how it ends.
He doesn’t particularly care to find out, either.
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Steve is not sure if it’s rain of tears that blurry his vision as he feels a cold shiver run down his spine. He doesn’t know if it’s to defend himself from the cold of the September night or the cold in his own heart, when he grabs his jacket from the passenger seat and wears it over his jumper.
It's worn, soft leather, one size too big for him, and Steve wraps himself in it and takes a deep breath that almost breaks him.
It doesn’t smell like Eddie anymore.
Who dares to love forever
They’re walking out of the record store and making their way to Steve’s car when it happens. Steve is holding the bag with the tapes: Iron Maiden, Whitney Huston and, of course, Queen.
Coming from the opposite way there’s this couple. It’s people he doesn’t know, he can’t hear what they’re talking about, but that doesn’t matter. It’s the way they’re holding hands, out in the open and unafraid, that makes Steve’s heart clench. It’s envy, he knows it, the burning desire of doing the same and knowing that he can’t, that slowly gnaws away at him.
He can’t help the heavy sigh that escapes his lips. Of course, Eddie notices, as attentive as ever to Steve’s every movement, every expression of joy, anger or sadness.
“Come on now, you can buy that new ABBA album next time” he says, casually patting Steve on the back and gently squeezing his shoulder for just one more second to make him understand that he gets it, that he feels the same. A pat on the back, as friends would do, that’s the best they can manage in public. As if they’ve never shared more than that. As if they’ve never been holding hands themselves, or hugged each other until they suffocated, touched each other everywhere so many times that Steve could draw Eddie’s body while blindfolded. So many times, that Eddie could list every single constellation he can draw when connecting Steve’s moles together.
It's not fair.
All Steve has ever wanted is marriage, a family, and it kills him to know he can’t possibly have that, that the purest form of love he’s ever experienced must remain a secret for the world. That the person he wants to call his can only be such in the dark.
The drive to the trailer park is silent aside from Freddie Mercury giving his all on the radio, Somebody to Love playing at a low volume while Steve and Eddie are both lost in their own thoughts. As always, Steve’s hand finds its place on Eddie’s thigh whenever he’s not switching gears. A small reminder that here, where no one can see them, they can still be themselves.
It's not long before Steve pulls up in front of Eddie’s trailer, ready for goodbye, his heart still heavy.
Eddie doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around, keeps staring in front of himself at nothing in particular.
“Eds? Are you okay?”
Steve’s voice has Eddie jerk back to reality with a small wince that would make Steve smile if he wasn’t so concerned.
“I’m okay” Eddie replies, grinning at him.
“Actually, more than okay.”
What he does next hits Steve like a train. He watches silently as the world stills, as Eddie reaches out and removes the ring he wears on his right hand.
It’s Steve’s favorite, simple compared to the other ones Eddie likes to wear, no skulls or crosses but a plain, silver band with a black stone encased on top of it.
Steve is so distracted by the action that he almost tunes out Eddie’s next words, about wanting the same thing, a loving family, and how he wants to build it together, the two of them fighting side by side for things to get better. Because things will get better for them, Eddie can feel it, and he wants to be there to enjoy every bit of it.
Eddie’s face becomes serious as he fully turns to Steve with an expression that suggests a thousand thoughts running behind it.
“Look, I know it’s not much, it’s not fancy or anything” he starts, fumbling with the ring, emotion making him trip over his words.
“But it’s a promise, Harrington. I need you to know… I’m in it for the long run.”
It’s all Steve can do to not have a stroke on the spot, really. His eyes keep going back and forth between the ring and Eddie’s hopeful gaze.
And it pans out so neatly, a future with the man he loves more than anything. A kinder time, when they’ll both be wearing matching gold bands on their fingers, renewing this same promise in front of God and their loved ones, and then a lifetime of keeping it faithfully, until they become old and crinkled but still hopelessly in love with one another, day after day.
A solitary tear rolls down Steve’s cheek as he lets Eddie slide the ring on his finger. It fits like it’s been made to be there.
“I love you so much, Munson.” He brings himself to say before his lips collide with Eddie’s. He can taste the salt of Eddie’s own tears, so full of joy and excitement.
Yes, it will take time, and it will take effort, but Eddie is right: they’re here for the long run.
Oh, when love must die
Steve wears Eddie’s ring underneath his shirt, on a chain around his neck. It burns a hole right next to his heart with the scorching heat of a broken promise.
Robin used to tease him for it, back in the day, and Steve would blush and playfully brush her off without being able to hide his own smile at her jokes. And then he’d simply strike back, mocking the way she’d blabber whenever Vickie came into the store.
But that was before Vecna.
Now, all that Robin does when she sees Steve fidget with the ring is send him a nostalgic look, unable to fully comfort him. He still spends time with her, keeps joking around with her, picks her up for work and takes her back home as he’s always done. But he knows it’s not the same. He’s not the same.
Steve knows that she misses him, that warmer, careless, kinder version of himself. He wishes he could go back to how their friendship was, open himself to her, but he can’t find it in him to do it.
He wonders if he ever will.
Steve clutches Eddie’s ring in his hands, tears shamelessly rolling down his cheeks. The electric guitar lulls him as the song progresses, tearing him apart piece by piece. It’s soft, a similar kind of melody that Eddie would play on his own guitar on a lazy afternoon.
For Steve and Steve only.
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
Steve’s jolts awake and he can’t make out the outline of his own bedroom, or the sound of the wind shaking the trees outside. The only thing he can see is the metal walls of his cell, the only sounds are coming from Russian guards and his own screams. And at first, he jerks away when he feels a pair of hands clutching his wrists, he doesn’t recognize the voice calling to him, “Steve it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here, it was just a bad dream, Steve you need to breathe-”.
It's only after a few seconds that he registers it’s not the Russians, it’s not a cell, that he’s home and he’s not in danger and it’s Eddie trying to bring him back to reality.
And as quickly as that happens, he deflates, letting Eddie finally envelope him in a bear hug.
Eddie keeps caressing his hair and kissing the top of his head, whispering gentle words to him, his steady heartbeat pounding into Steve’s ears louder than words, to a melody that Steve loves more than any song ever written. Neither of them pulls away until he’s fully calmed down.
As far as Eddie knows, Steve was closely involved in the Starcourt fire. And that is the end of it. There’s a silent agreement between them: Steve doesn’t talk about it and Eddie doesn’t ask. Steve feels guilty for not sharing this darker part of himself with Eddie, the part that fought Demogorgons and the Mind Flayer and everything in between, but then again how could he explain the bat he keeps hidden under a blanket in the trunk of his car, the bruises and the nightmares that won’t leave him alone. Maybe it’s better this way, to let Eddie believe the scariest things he’s ever seen are the monsters in horror movies. To shield him from all this crap Steve had to deal with and the destruction it left in its wake.
And there Eddie is, comforting him with the reminder that before bursting into flames, at least the Starcourt gave them the time to meet.
Steve remembers it as if it happened yesterday, Eddie walking into Scoops-Ahoy for the first time, making him feel like the ground had given way under his feet. A vision in dark clothes and, Steve knows how cliché that sounded, a smile that lit up the whole room. And Steve himself, trying with all his might to look cool in that ridiculous sailor outfit, only to end up stuttering and blushing like a thirteen-year-old on his first crush, much to Robin’s amusement. It really was a miracle to see Eddie come back the day after, and every single day after that, ordering the same ice cream without fail and taking his time to chat about anything until the next customers would call out for Steve’s attention with impatient huffs.
It felt like an even bigger miracle when Eddie had actually called him after Steve hurriedly scribbled his number on a napkin, before serving him the usual chocolate and hazelnut ice cream. And that was how they started talking outside Scoops-Ahoy, away from the mall, going on for hours and becoming the terror of their families’ phone bills, until Eddie worked up the courage to tell Steve that hey, maybe we could hang out sometimes.
And if “hanging out” meant a steamy make out session in the back of Eddie’s van, well, that was nobody’s business.
The memory makes Steve giddy, filling him to the brim with happiness, the nightmares long forgotten; all that matters is Eddie’s loving arms around him.
And there’s nothing left for them to do but go back to sleep, Steve sprawled on top of Eddie, lazy kisses exchanged in between goodnights.
Steve sighs, his head resting on Eddie’s chest.
He’s finally safe.
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
So, yeah… Eddie had eventually found out about Steve’s “side hustle” as a part-time Hawkins hero. And he’d found that out in the worst possible way; Steve will forever kick himself at the memory of Eddie’s eyes, full of horror after Chrissy’s death, completely unprepared and scared as he had to go into hiding to escape the mob that was after him.
The only thing Steve had ever wanted was for Eddie to be safe, and instead he had only put him in danger by keeping the truth from him.
After the rocky start, Eddie had taken the whole Upside Down situation pretty well, given the circumstances. He did spend a full afternoon being extremely pissed at Steve for never telling him anything, but that anger had dissipated when Dustin had managed to calm him down enough to make him understand that he probably would have done the same, had their roles been reversed: try to protect Steve.
Plus, Steve’s signature puppy eyes had the power to make Eddie forgive him just about anything. No reason for interdimensional killer monsters to be an exception.
And it’s against these monsters that they set out to fight, Steve going after Vecna while Eddie stays behind to provide a distraction.
“Hey, Steve?”
Steve barely has the time to turn around as Eddie pulls him into a kiss that sets him on fire.
Now, pressed against Eddie, he knows that he’s going to make it. He’s going to come back for more.
Eddie finally lets him go and gazes into Steve’s eyes.
“Make him pay.”
-
The world around them is silent when they make their way back to Eddie’s trailer, Robin and Nancy walking alongside Steve in the darkness of the Upside Down, still careful not to step on the vines and wary of any danger that might pop out from the shadows.
They might not have won the war, but they won the battle all right. Steve carries himself forward, his body dirty and sore from the fight, making his way towards Eddie and Dustin and towards a well-deserved shower.
They’re still far when he sees the slouched frame of Dustin, surrounded by dead demobats. A shiver runs down his neck carrying the sensation that something is terribly wrong.
And that’s when he sees Eddie, lying on the concrete.
He forces his muscles to make one last effort as he breaks into a run, leaving the girls behind.
Eddie is obviously hurt, and there’s no other thought in Steve’s mind except that he has to be with him, carry him away from all this, nurse him back to health.
Dustin lifts his head and on his face there’s enough grief to almost stop Steve dead in his tracks.
No.
He finally reaches them and there’s Eddie, impossibly still, eyes fixed on the dark sky above them. Steve frantically kneels next to him and refuses to fully take in the lack of expression on Eddie’s face, covered in blood. He starts to shake him to wake up, wake up Eddie, it’s over, we won, we have to go back, please Eds, please, you have to get up, Eddie please, and it’s desperate words that merge into sobs when despite Steve’s best efforts Eddie doesn’t move, when his eyes remain empty and he feels cold to the touch, so cold, and Steve can’t stop shaking him, because he can’t leave him here-
It takes the brute force of Dustin, Robin and Nancy combined to tear Steve away from Eddie’s body, their words muffled by Steve’s screams as he blindly claws at them to break free. To touch Eddie again.
It flashes in front of him with a clarity that takes him aback, all the kisses and the touches and the words that they’ve ever exchanged, and that’s when it hits Steve. His world crumbles as if it’s nothing, all the fight leaving him for good. It takes another minute for the guys to finally let him go, still on edge, afraid of what he might do next.
Steve approaches Eddie again, slowly this time, as if he might break him. He takes in every single one of Eddie’s injuries, every last drop of dried blood, every wound he can’t mend.
He delicately takes Eddie's cold hand in his, desperate to feel it return the hold and realizing it’s not going to happen. Steve feels his own body freezing over as he takes one last look at Eddie’s eyes, those chocolate brown eyes that could look at him with an intensity that would make his knees go weak. He closes them gently, caressing Eddie’s face, not even noticing the blood that stains his hand in the process. He takes off Eddie’s bandana and runs his fingers through his soft hair.
Finally, vision blurry with tears and body stiffened by a pain that lacerates his very soul, Steve leaves one last, delicate kiss on Eddie’s still lips. His voice is a broken whisper when he speaks his last I love you.
This time, when the guys help him up, it’s only because there’s no energy left in Steve to make it on his own.
He doesn’t look at any of them when he walks away, Eddie’s bandana clutched in his fist. He doesn’t look back at the only person he’d want to comfort him. Because he knows that if he does, he’d never leave.
Eventually, Steve makes his way back from the Upside Down.
His heart doesn’t.
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever
Steve cries until there’s no tears left in him, until it’s only his body shuddering with dry sobs. If only he could turn back time, if only Eddie could be here one last time to hold him. There’s nothing Steve wouldn’t give to have him back.
He still visits Wayne every week. Having to explain everything to him had been one of the hardest thing Steve has ever done, but Wayne deserved to know the truth; that Eddie was never a criminal, that he died a hero, that he was one of the most loving people who ever graced the earth and that he was deeply loved in return, until the very end. They’re mostly silent, Wayne and him, keeping each other company while the coffees between them get cold.
But they talk too, sometimes, about their jobs and what goes on in their lives. It’s been difficult to get used to each other without Eddie carrying every conversation as he used to, but when Steve decides to try and apply for community college again, try and make something of himself, Wayne is the first person to know and he shows nothing but support.
On the better days, they talk about Eddie. They hold each other while they cry.
It's hard and it’s painful, but Steve would go out of his way to be there anytime Wayne needs him.
Forever is our today
Steve takes a series of deep breaths as he flips opens the car visor, revealing a Polaroid of him and Eddie taken a hundred years ago, back when the world was still bright and Steve’s smiles were sincere, back when everything still had a meaning.
Eddie is making a funny face, his tongue sticking out. Steve is looking at him as he holds the camera, the image capturing him mid-laughter. At the bottom, there’s Eddie’s messy writing. I love you, big boy.
Steve carefully traces the black sharpie with his fingertips, and he seems to hear Eddie’s voice saying it again.
It brings him to a time when he was completely and undeniably happy.
A time that is no more.
With one final sigh, he puts the Polaroid back into place. Leaving it, for the moment, in the past where it belongs.
Hands still somewhat shaky, Steve composes himself enough to get the car back into motion and drive away into the evening, the last notes of the song fading away on the radio.
Eddie would have loved to hear it.
Who waits forever anyway?