Work Text:
“It’s too bad Mark couldn’t be here.”
Taeyong says it casually, as if he’s simply remarking on the weather, a small frown tugging down on his lips but not… Like he doesn’t even know that they’ve been broken up for three weeks now and every night Donghyuck has laid in bed trying not to cry himself to sleep.
Suddenly the champagne that had been poured to toast the happy couple at the rehearsal dinner burns his throat going down. Donghyuck was all too well aware of the empty chair placed to his left.
“Busy with work,” Doyoung prompts in response to his silence.
They don’t know, of course they don’t know, why would they?
When Donghyuck had been too much of a coward to tell anyone.
It was better this way, better not to ruin his brother’s big day, at least that’s how he had rationalized it to himself weeks ago, when after the second day of being broken down and realizing there was no way to fix this, he’d decided not to tell anyone until after Taeyong and Doyoung’s wedding.
He just hadn’t thought about the fact that everyone would be expecting Mark there and…
“He- It’s uh, he’s got,” Donghyuck fumbles his words, not prepared for this, eventually blurting out, “Business trip.”
Taeyong frowns again, saddened by the news that Mark’s busy.
Donghyuck can only imagine how much sadder his brother would be if he knew the truth. That was the exact reason why Donghyuck had been so careful to keep it all a secret.
“Ah, he’s been on a lot of those lately,” Taeyong says.
“I remember he mentioned something about the new Canada branch,” Doyoung adds. “That must be nice, getting to visit his family more often.”
In hindsight, maybe it would have been better to have said something three weeks ago when things had first fallen apart, when there was still a bit of time before the wedding.
But foolishly he had hoped that things could have been put back together.
That five years of a relationship wouldn’t all go down the drain just because he…
“Donghyuck-ah, are you okay?”
There’s a hand resting against his forehead when he comes back into focus, a handful of concerned looks being shot his way, and Donghyuck shakes off his future brother-in-law’s hand and grabs his flute of champagne instead, downing it all in one go.
“I just need… I’m going to get some air,” his words lit up at the end like a question, though he’s not sure exactly who he is asking, when he stumbles up out of his chair. His knees knocking against the edge of the table as he goes. That’ll leave a bruise in the morning, but Donghyuck can’t even be bothered to care.
Once he’s outside things don’t get easier.
His hands shake as he digs his phone out of his pocket, he’s not sure what he planned to do, but when he opens his phone he’s faced with the lockscreen he still hasn’t had the heart to change, a photo of Mark smiling up at him, as if nothing had ever happened.
He opens up his text messages without really thinking it all through, wandering further away from the venue as he does, and pulling up his last conversation with Mark.
An angry unreplied to message from over a week ago stares back at him.
He’s not sure what to type, and he’s sure Mark won’t pick up, so he calls him, expecting three rings and then voicemail but by some fluke of the fucking universe Mark picks up and - “Hyuck?”
Why?
Why if they’re done does his heart still flutter at the sound of Mark’s voice?”
“Hyuck, did you call me?”
“I’m mad at you. Did you know that? I’m so fucking mad.”
There’s a small laugh across the line, “Yeah, okay, I guess we’re doing this. Hyung said it would probably take you a few weeks to get shitfaced and call but…” Mark sighs softly, “Are you home or do you need me to call someone to pick you up?”
“I’m not drunk ,” Donghyuck says quickly.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’ve had a few to drink, but I’m not - fuck, Mark, I think if anyone deserves to have a drink, it’s me,” Donghyuck rambles, words coming out angry and bitter. “You know, considering, my brother’s getting married and I’m out here fucking -” heart broken - “You know everyone asked about you? Asked where you were and, fuck, what was I supposed to say? Couldn't you have just waited until next month to ruin my life?”
Mark’s silent for a moment.
So long that Donghyuck worries the phone might have disconnected before finally speaking - “You didn’t tell Taeyong-hyung that we broke up?”
“No,” Donghyuck admits.
“Why?”
“Because I thought-” that maybe we would’ve fixed this by now - “that it would ruin their wedding. And fuck, I get now that I should have told them sooner, but now it’s too late and I… I said you were on a business trip, but now I’m standing in the parking lot and…”
“And…?”
Donghyuck reaches up to rub the angry tears off of his cheeks, “Can’t we pretend, just for one weekend, that we were still together? For my hyung’s sake? Would that be so terrible?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“And ruining their wedding is,” Donghyuck snaps.
There’s more silence.
If Mark hung up right now, Donghyuck knows he would deserve it.
But Mark doesn’t, instead he takes a moment to consider, think this through far more than Donghyuck has, before finally saying, “If in the morning, when you’re sober, you still want to do this. I will, Donghyuck.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for them.”
*
did you really mean what you said last night?
like you’ll actually do it???
why not?
i already bought my suit
[read]
*
“Do we need a backstory or something?”
Mark shrugs.
He doesn’t look much different than he had all those weeks ago, his hair is a little bit longer, curling around his ears. His suit is nice, well pressed, ones that they had picked out what feels like ages ago once his brother’s engagement had been announced. Mark fills out his suit well.
Meanwhile Donghyuck kind of feels like drowning on his own.
“Why?”
“That’s the whole thing with fake dating, crafting an elaborate backstory,” Donghyuck replies.
Mark shrugs again, “Hyuck everyone knows the backstory, they’ve known it for years. We met during your freshman year, when you got locked out of your dorm during one of the coldest days of the year and I happened to be passing by. You pretended to flirt with all my friends until finally I couldn’t take it anymore and had to ask you out and then…” Mark pauses, the silence enough to know how he would finish that sentence.
And then it all went to shit.
And now they can barely even look at each other.
“Yeah, but if anyone asks why you weren’t around before during the rehearsal or picking up the cake or,” Donghyuck trails off. It’s stupid. This whole thing is stupid, bringing Mark here, to his brother’s wedding, now that they’re through was a stupid idea, but it’s too late to go back now.
“What did you tell them before?”
“Business trip to Canada.”
His response startles a short laugh out of Mark, “Guess that’s one way to put it.”
*
The ceremony is beautiful.
Why wouldn’t it be?
But Donghyuck can’t focus on any of that, can’t make out any of the words being spoken, because all of his attention is focused on the feeling of Mark’s hand in his own. Fingers laced together, ever so casually, the way they always used to be before, his thumb rubbing small soothing circles over the back of Donghyuck’s hand to ground him.
“I’m glad I didn’t miss this,” Mark whispers, leaning in close, his lips close enough that to someone else it might have looked like Mark was pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Your family still means a lot to me,” Mark confesses.
It almost sounds like he could be saying ‘ you mean a lot to me’ but Donghyuck knows that can’t be true.
If it was then Mark would have never walked out that door.
He would have come back and taken it all back, promised to stay right there by Donghyuck’s side, til death do them part, just like the lovely couple in front of them.
He used to spend hours imagining the rest of his life with Mark. Getting an apartment together in the nice part of the city with a view that they could appreciate while lying in bed together. Maybe adopting a cat, even at the expense of Donghyuck having to take allergy medicine for the rest of his life. Painting the walls together and arguing over the various shades of off-white until finally settling on something like eggshell.
Mark was supposed to be his happily ever after.
His first love and his last love.
“Do you think maybe,” Mark starts, then stops, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand just a little bit tighter, “That we could still be friends after this? Maybe not now and maybe not right away, but one day?”
Donghyuck stares forward, watching his brother read his vows, watching someone else get the sort of happily ever after that Donghyuck will never have.
And then he lies - “Sure, hyung, if that’s what you want.”
*
“Where’d Mark go?”
Donghyuck jerks his head around to look at Doyoung, there’s another flash of lights as the camera goes off. The wedding photographer was adamant to get all of the best shots of the happy couple and their family members.
Donghyuck hadn’t been able to get a proper drink since the cocktail hour started, constantly being pulled into one picture of another, being the brother of one of the grooms was taxing.
Donghyuck is sure he’s never faked a smile so much in his life as he has today.
“Business trip,” Donghyuck blurts, mostly as a joke.
Mostly because he doesn’t have a clue where Mark went.
The second they got to the reception Mark had done his best to make himself scarce. Slipping away from Donghyuck the second nobody was really paying attention under some thin excuse. Donghyuck had tried not to be bothered by it. Why did it matter what Mark got up to during the reception?
Actually, maybe it would be better for Mark to duck out early under the guide of having work to do.
At least, then when he finally told his family about the break up in a few weeks, everyone would just assume it had something to do with Mark’s newfound workaholic nature. If he couldn’t even stick around for the reception then clearly Donghyuck would have had a reason to end it all.
And well… It wasn’t technically all that far off base.
The camera flashes again, the tired photographer calling, “Sorry, boys can you look my way, just a few more?”
Donghyuck, ever dutiful, turns back to the camera with his fake smile ready.
But it falters when Taeyong says, “Actually, can we take a small break?”
There’s two sets of worried eyes looking his way when the photographer agrees, two sets that shouldn’t be looking anything but happy.
“Business trip,” Taeyong prompts.
“I meant a business call,” Donghyuck lies.
Might as well lay the foundation now.
“Do you want to take a break to find Mark,” Taeyong asks. “I feel like he should be in these pictures.”
“I don’t really think that’s the best idea,” Donghyuck says, knowing his words come out just a twinge too bitter from the way that the frown lines on Taeyong’s face only seem to get deeper.
“Donghyuck-ah, is everything okay?”
“He’s just busy,” Donghyuck says, quickly, going into overtime to try and wipe those frowns away. This was the whole reason he had brought Mark to avoid upsetting the two of them, figures he’d somehow manage to fuck that up too. “And you two have so much celebrating to do that we really shouldn’t bother waiting around until he’s done. Don’t you want to mingle with your guests or drink or-”
“Oh there he is,” Doyoung cuts off Donghyuck rambling, waving somewhere over Donghyuck’s shoulder before shouting, “Mark, over here! You’re missing picture time!”
He doesn’t dare turn around to look Mark’s way.
It’s too late now to stop it.
Which is why he jumps slightly when Mark turns up right behind him, hand sliding into place resting on the small of Donghyuck’s back and turning him back to the cameras. Smoothly apologizing for missing out on everything up until now.
He’s not sure what Mark says his real excuse is, because Donghyuck isn’t listening anymore.
Instead he’s hyper focused on the point of contact between them.
The camera flashes again, snapping another picture, though Donghyuck is sure that his faked smile is going to be noticeably dimmer now.
He only hopes that the photographer is good enough at photoshop to edit out all of his regrets.
*
He’s not exactly sure what the tipping point of the whole evening is.
It’s somewhere during the reception, between the dancing and drinking, and after that whole mess of photos, between the invitation to dance that he didn’t want to accept but felt like he had to in order to see this whole mess through.
Though probably most accurately it’s the offhanded statement one of his cousins makes looking between him and Mark and remarking - “You two are going to be next.”
Donghyuck laughed it off, smiled and thanked Sooyoung for her well wishes, before making a beeline to the bar.
Predictably Mark is still on his heels.
It’s only once they’ve both secured another drink that Mark says, “You know it’s kind of ironic.”
“What is?”
“What Sooyoung said,” Mark replies.
Ah, yes.
The very reason Donghyuck will spend the rest of the evening continuing to get shit faced. It’s not like he ever had any plan other than that, but still…
“Considering that we broke up,” Donghyuck prompts bitterly.
As if he needed the reminder.
But Mark doesn’t rise to the bait.
Instead, for the first time that day, he looks sad. Unable to look Donghyuck in the eye, as he says words that Donghyuck never expected to hear.
“Considering that I bought a ring to propose about a week before we did?”
The emotions flick through him quickly.
Shock at the notion of it all
Sadness for what could have been.
And then of course, anger .
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“For having wanted to propose-”
“For saying that now. What the fuck Mark, you can’t just say shit like that! Look I get it, you want to get back at me and hurt me, but you don’t have to lie about wanting to-”
“What makes you think I’m lying?”
“You walked out.”
“You asked me to leave.”
He did.
That’s the fucked up thing he did .
But he had expected Mark to come back an hour or two later, or the next day, or the next week, to come back and take all of it back.
And he never did, but now…
People are looking at them, his anger had started to make a spectacle out of them, and thankfully nobody else in the wedding party had managed to notice yet, but he’s not entirely sure how long that will last.
Not with the way he feels both a second away from burning up and from falling apart.
Donghyuck sets his drink down on the nearest table, not even caring that he’s abandoning it, and grabs onto the sleeve of Mark’s suit jacket to pull him out of the crowd. Away from the music, and the people, and away from where they have to play pretend at the happy couple that they used to be.
He pulls them down the hallway and out the door, into another parking lot full of empty cars and too cold air.
Just like where he had called Mark three nights ago.
There’s plenty of space to move apart, to put distance between them, to pace about the parking lot until the universe starts to make sense again. But Donghyuck doesn’t let him go. Afraid that if he lets Mark go he finally will lose him forever.
“You’re lying,” Donghyuck says finally, when the silence is too much, “Tell me that you’re lying.”
Mark’s face is apologetic, at least, when he replies, “I’m not.”
“Why would you bring that up here of all places,” Donghyuck finally manages to ask. “Tonight of all nights?.”
Mark shrugs, “It felt like my only chance.”
“You’re lying,” Donghyuck says. “This is… You have to be lying, why would you…”
The worst part of the whole situation is that they didn’t even break up properly.
Not really.
There wasn’t an affair.
Or a big fight that blew up into something that could no longer be contained.
Or even a lack of love.
Really at the end of the day it was a technicality.
Something they should have discussed five years ago when they first met, when Donghyuck was sitting inside Mark’s apartment, shivering from the cold, hands wrapped around that mug of tea that Mark had made him to warm up.
Or maybe later, somewhere between the first date and the second, back when they were still figuring it all out.
Why hadn’t he ever bothered to ask Mark’s five year plan?
To realize that there was one thing that they weren’t on the same page for.
One thing that would eventually cause the whole thing to crumble.
Was Donghyuck’s unwillingness to move halfway across the world.
“I’m telling you the truth, Hyuck,” Mark says. “I had planned to wait until after the wedding, but I’d gone to the store and I’d seen the ring and hadn’t been able to stop myself. It’s probably still back at the apartment, actually. When I asked Johnny-hyung to get my stuff from you, I hadn’t really thought to tell either of you where it was, but if you don’t believe me you can check later. It’s under the bathroom sink, which you know, in hindsight not the best hiding place, but… I guess you never checked, so it would’ve been fine had everything not…”
He means to say something.
He’s not sure exactly what.
But what comes out instead of words is a choked sob, escaping Donghyuck’s throat. His heart was breaking all over again.
At what could have been.
At what should have been.
Mark hugs him, against all odds, in spite of the mess they’ve made of this whole thing. He pulls Donghyuck in just like he has hundreds of times before, so that he can hide his face as he cries, while Mark’s hand rubs small circles onto his back.
A traitorous part of his brain suggests that this will probably be the last time Mark ever hugs him.
“Would it have changed anything,” Mark asks, voice barely more than a whisper. “If I had asked sooner would you have come with me?”
Donghyuck considers for a second.
There’s no way to know for sure.
Maybe he would have.
In a life where Mark had asked him to marry him before asking him to move halfway across the world, he might have just said yes.
But he thinks instead about his family. About his brother, who is newly married inside. About his childhood friends that he still gets drinks with once a week. About this job that he loves.
Imagine replacing that instead with the cold winters of Canada, with a language that he still can’t string more than a sentence together in, and a social life that consists of just him and Mark.
“Why couldn’t you have been the one to stay?”
*
People always say that love is supposed to be easy.
But what people never tell you is that unloving someone will be the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
*
He tells himself that it’s better this way.
That this is closure.
Better than always wondering what if and why not .
Maybe in time he’ll actually believe the things he tells himself.
“Hey, is everything alright with you and Mark? Doie said he saw the two of you step outside, but only you came back… And you’ve been a little weird all night…”
He looks at Taeyong and thinks for a second about confessing it all.
Unloading the whole mess that his life has been this last few hours… days… weeks…
But in the end, he keeps the promise he made to himself, not to ruin his brother’s big day.
And smiles that same fake smile he practiced with the photographer earlier.
“Yeah we’re fine, why wouldn’t we be?”