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Many things are fun. Flying is more fun with my human, but I fly alone too, and that is still fun. But when I fly at the seagulls that is the most fun, because they are very angry. I do not know why, but this is my human’s home so I chase them away because they are loud and poop everywhere.
My human is the best human, but his human is okay too I guess. He teaches me many words my human finds funny, so I like him.
The most fun even more than angry seagulls is the shiny things.
There are not very many shiny things in my human’s home. I did not know about them until I met other ravens in this human city. They are not as special as me, but they are cool I guess, and they taught me about the shiny things so I like them.
I will tell you about the shiny things.
Humans enjoy trade, and they keep things for trade inside buildings they call “stores”, although my human’s human calls them “shops” instead because he is funny. But humans do not expect birds to trade, so we do not have to, although krrrkkktt does because he thinks trade is fun.
Some stores contain many shiny things for trade, so that is one good place to find shiny things. There are often shiny things in trash cans, too, or on the sand by the sea. We are very good at spotting the shinies from very high in the sky, and so we will decide who will take this shiny thing and distract humans or keep watch until it is done, and then we can take our shiny to our own home for safekeeping. krrrkkktt likes to “buy” his shinies with paper, which he takes from humans who are not paying attention, and he says humans find it funny when he does this and sometimes they give him food as well as shiny things.
I might try this someday because I like food and shinies.
Now you are all caught up on the shiny things so you know what I am talking about.
We have found a store that trades the shiniest things that any of us have ever seen. They do not only shine, they sparkle. It is like magic (but also not like magic, because the ravens can see the sparkles but they cannot see magic I think). The shinies are stuck to pieces of yellow or white metal which itself is nice and shiny, but the sparkle bits are the best parts.
The store has doors, but they do not open for us. They must be pushed and we are not strong enough, and also we have found that if we go into a store in many numbers we are seen and chased out very quickly, so we watch the store from across the street and we talk about how we will get to the shinies.
kkaakkkr thinks that we should nominate one of us to follow a human inside. If we walk behind the human, we might be able to sneak in. My human is the best at sneaking, but it is not something I am good at, so I do not think I should do this.
aaattchh says that if we all fly at the door at once it will open, but everyone else thinks we will just hurt ourselves and for nothing. I do not think we should do this.
kaauuurrrr thinks we can trade for a shiny, but only krrrkkktt has experience of trade and he says the humans inside the store are not using paper for trade and he does not know how it works. I do not think we should do this.
Win? My human is not here, but his voice is in my mind, and so are his feelings. He is feeling curiosity. Is everything okay?
Yes, I answer. Because he is not here, our mind-talk is limited. Puzzle.
You’re trying to solve a puzzle? He asks me.
Yes! I am proud of how clever he is.
Is it something I can help with?
I think about it, and I decide that this is a good idea, because he is a human and he does trade things in a store his mother owns, so he will have good ideas. Yes!
Okay. Where are you? Show me?
His mind reaches toward mine, and I grab him and pull him the rest of the way, until his mind is with me in my body and he sees the world through my eyes, and then I look to the store so that he can see it.
Uh… Are you outside a jewelry store, Win? He says. He is feeling amusement. You gonna do a heist?
Before I can ask what a heist is, he adds: Woah, that’s a lot of birds. Are they all ravens?
Yes!
He is feeling pride. You made all these friends?
Yes! Now I am feeling pride too!
That’s great! He laughs. Are you all gonna get yourself something pretty?
Yes! I ruffle my feathers in excitement.
My human laughs again. You’re totally not going to steal them though, right?
What is steal?
He is still feeling some amusement, but now he is also feeling another emotion. I think it is caution. Yes, he is cautious, that is it. It’s when you take something that doesn’t belong to you without permission.
I think about it. Yes, I agree. Steal.
Stealing is bad, he says. He is not feeling angry or upset. He is still amused and cautious. Especially stealing things that’re expensive or important. The people you steal them from might get upset and try to hurt you.
We fly away, I tell him, because we both know humans cannot fly. Well, humans that are not my human’s human, anyway. Most of them cannot fly.
And if they’ve got a gun?
Oh. I did not think about that. He has told me about guns before but I have not seen one, but they make a loud noise and they can hurt or even kill from very far away, even if you are flying and the person with the gun is not.
Tell your friends not to steal those shinies, my human says. We don’t want them to get hurt, do we?
No, I agree. We do not want any of them to get hurt.
Tell you what. Why don’t you bring them home tonight and I will give everyone something pretty?
I am surprised. You have shinies?
No but we sell them at Mom’s store. I’ll bring some home with me. Deal?
Yes!
All right. I’ll see you later.
He withdraws from my body and I tell everyone what he has told me, that trying to take these shiny things could get us hurt, and they quickly pass the message on to ravens who are further away until everyone knows about the danger, and then I tell them that we can have shinies that my human will give them if they follow me home, and they can fly at seagulls too if they like.
We all agree that this is a better plan than any other so far, so I fly away from the store and lead them to my human’s home.
I know before I arrive that my human is not there, because I can feel where he is and it is far away still. His human is usually home, as are the other humans who belong to nobody, except when they are at “work” or “school”.
Home has many perches in the “yard”, and there are also seagulls, so we have fun chasing them away before we settle in to wait.
My human’s human comes outside after a short time and looks at us all. He is good because he does not attempt to make us leave, and the other ravens are not cautious of him the way they are of most humans.
“Windsor?” He has to use his mouth to make sounds because he cannot speak to my mind the way my human does.
I snap my beak at him and puff my feathers with pride. “Yes!” He can often understand me when I do not use human words, but I have some words and this one is good.
He picks me out of the crowd and nods to me. “Is this, ah…” He pauses sometimes, like not all his words are able to form at once. “A social call?”
“Yes.” We are social, and we can call, so this seems the right answer.
“I see.” He waits some more because his brain is very slow sometimes. “Is there anything you need?”
“Laurence,” I say, because that is who we are waiting for.
“Ah.” He nods at me. “Well, until Laurence arrives, would you all like something to eat?”
He is easy to understand for a human. So easy that everyone else has recognized his question, and they all burst out into their own yes! food! answers which do not use human words as I can, but I know that he understands them as easily as they do him, because he laughs quietly and holds his hands up.
“All right. Wait here, I shan’t be long.”
He goes inside and then he comes outside and he is carrying many things but he is not using his hands because not only can he fly and speak to us he can also carry things without using his hands and they look like they are flying in front of him. He is carrying eggs and cans and fruit and many plates.
We all watch him as he sets the plates down on a table and opens the cans, and I realize that they are the meat food for his dogs, which is delicious. He uses a spoon from his pocket to spread the meat food across many plates, and he also cracks eggs onto plates and peels fruit onto plates and then he spreads the plates across many places so that we all have room to eat.
“There you are,” he says. “Please help yourselves.” He smiles to me and then goes inside and closes the door.
We feast!
Everyone is very happy, because we were hungry and also we like food, and there is plenty to go around because my human’s human is good.
We are napping after the feast when my human arrives, and I wake everyone so that they can be ready.
It is a small wait and I know that my human likes to greet the other humans and press his face against his human’s face when he gets home, but once he has done those things he opens the door and comes outside, and I fly down into his arms to greet him.
“Hey, Win!” He hugs me gently against his chest and runs his fingers over my feathers. “Wow, everyone’s here, huh? This is so cool!”
“They’ve been extremely well-behaved,” his human says as he comes outside too. “The consummate houseguests.”
“No,” my human says. He is feeling amused. “We’re not keeping them, baby. They’re wild birds.”
I do not feel the emotions of his human, but he does tilt his head as though he is disappointed. “Of course.”
“Okay.” My human carries me through the yard to a table and he looks at all the plates, then shakes his head and lets go of me so that I can jump to sit on a chair, and he pulls something out of his pocket. It is the size of an apple but it is not food. “I know these aren’t quite the shinies you were all looking at, but I hope you like them.”
His human follows, and the hair above his eyes is higher than it usually is. He does this when he is curious or surprised.
My human pulls on string on the apple-sized thing and I realize it is a bag, and he carefully tips the bag out onto the table and things fall out of it and make rattling sounds.
I hear the excitement from my friends as the shiny things catch the sunlight and scatter it across the yard, but they do not come closer. Not while humans are here.
“Good heavens,” his human says. “Are those…”
“Relax, I didn’t go buy real diamonds,” my human laughs. “Mom sells these little glass fakes. They’re great for vases, or scattering on tables at a wedding. They’re really effective.”
“Oh, I see.” His head tilts. “And they aren’t harmful?”
“Nope, perfectly safe.” My human shakes the bag to get the last few out, then he picks up all the empty plates (but he has to use his hands to do this) and takes them to the house. “I hope your friends like them, Win. Let me know when you wanna come inside.”
We wait until the humans are gone, and then I tell my friends to help themselves, but not before I have taken a shiny for myself.
There is much excitement, and so many shiny things, and everyone is very happy so when we all say goodbye and they take their shinies away with them I reach out to my human’s mind and tell him I am ready.
He opens the door for me, and I fly into his arms, and I have had a very good day. A fun day. More fun than flying or food or shiny things or friends because the day had all of them!
“So, Win,” he says as he carries me inside. “Are you gonna tell me where you’ve hidden the rest of your shinies?”
Uh-oh!
If stealing is bad, he definitely will not be pleased to find my hoard, so I act innocent and pretend not to know what he means.
He laughs and pets my head which I like very much, and for now my hidden shinies remain safe.