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-It’s… a baby’s crying- Shisui murmured, his eyes fixed on the bedroom door behind of him.
-A baby?- Itachi looked at him with concern, immediately being aware of the baby’s crying too.
Shisui stood up slowly walking to the bedroom, opening the door with a preoccupied face. Almost on the instant he visualized the child, his expression turned blank, an unusual coldness on his features. Itachi stared at him trying to hide his worry, he observed every step Shisui made to the crib were the baby was placed with curiosity and complete attention, until he refocused on his friend’s face and the strained expression that suddenly crossed his face.
-What are you going to do?- but Shisui didn’t responded. Instead, Itachi felt his heart skip a beat when Shisui leaned his hands to the baby, grabbed them with a tenderness he knows the ninja only use with certain, precious people to him, and cradled it close to his chest, shushing in a soft way.
Little by little, the little human being stopped crying and their eyes closed, their breath became still, harmonious.
It fell asleep on his arms.
-We can’t leave them here- Shisui said more to himself than to Itachi.
-But you can’t just return with a baby and proclaim them yours Shisui-
-I know, but… we can talk to them, we can… I know I can do something- he lifted up his face facing Itachi’s eyes with conviction- It’s still part of Konoha, there has to be another option-
Itachi observed them both. The way Shisui’s hands grabbed the kid on his arms with firmness made his heart warm, and his chest hurts.
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It’s been a month since then.
That day, that memory still imprinted on Itachi’s mind, was the beginning of a new life.
-‘Tachi!- Shisui’s voice popped his bubble of thinking- You’re spacing out again- he sighed taking seat by his side- She’s already asleep after the bath- he smiled leaning his body to the side, resting his head on Itachi’s shoulder as his eyes closed forming a relaxing but tired expression. Either way he looked satisfied for some reason.
-That’s good. She’s a good girl anyway, rarely gives problems, at least till now- he felt his friend’s hair tickling his neck when he nodded in response.
This were their lives since that day. Them trying to get accustomed to it yet, Itachi more than Shisui, but Itachi already had some experience thanks to Sasuke on how to take care of a baby, and Shisui was way too compromised in her care.
The baby’s name was Valentina, a name Shisui chose to preserve after some days thinking about what to do with her definitely. The Hokage gave him two options: to being a temporarily home while they found her a new family, or to send her to an orphanage. Shisui hated the last suggestion. He wanted to apply for her adoption, but because he was single, living in a small house and with a complicated schedule that didn’t allow him much time to take care of the baby, that idea didn’t convince him at all. He was not prepared, by any means, to be assigned with the role of a father. That was the first time he felt he failed her.
Itachi brushed Shisui’s curls softly from his face. His hair was long for what he is used to have, and it shadowed his face all the time. Itachi hated to see his usually sparkly black eyes opaque.
-Your hair is too long, want to tell my mom for a haircut?-
-It’s okay, I don’t care- he smiled a little. Itachi frowned.
-I care. If you don’t want to go to my house she can do it here- Shisui rolled his eyes hiding a bigger smile.
-Okay, as you wish…- Itachi didn’t look happier.
-Come here-
Suddenly, Itachi forced Shisui to lay down resting his head on his lap. He looked at the boy with curious eyes while Itachi started to run his fingers through those long curls.
-You look awful lately. Precisely this last month- Shisui huffed.
-A baby is something serious and demanding, you know that already- Itachi just looked at him without talking- I’m alone in this, and I’m not complaining, but is hard and I’m trying my best. Please be more gentle with my appearance?- he pouted.
-You were always so handsome- Shisui laughed.
-And I’m not handsome anymore now I had a child? The rumors were true, huh- but Itachi’s expression was still blank.
Shisui knows, deep in his heart, Itachi was mad at him for all that happened lately. For how he was putting his life aside in order to take proper care of that baby.
-You don’t have to worry…- now Shisui caressed Itachi’s hair brushing it behind his ear- I’m a father now, that’s all- he said humorous giving Itachi a big bright smile. He sighed.
-You’re not. You’re just taking care of her for a moment until they find a new home where she could live- Shisui nodded still brushing Itachi’s long strains- But why?- he almost asked in a whisper.
-Why what?-
-Why did you decide this that day?-
-You would’ve left her alone in that house in which her family was massacred?- he asked with lightness knowing Itachi will never do that. Itachi frowned.
-That was not my question. Why did you decide to assume the responsibility of taking care of her knowing you won’t be able to do it?- Shisui’s expression saddened.
-I’m doing it-
-By putting your health aside-
-It's circumstantial- Itachi’s rolled and closed his eyes -Itachi…- he looked at the boy laid on his lap with concern, but Shisui’s eyes were darting to the side where the wide window he has on his bedroom was. The sunlight playing on the boy’s features made the exhaustion more evident- Adoption is a heavy process and loneliness is a weight hard to bear for anyone, but especially for a child…-
They were in silence after that for long minutes, just Shisui with his eyes closed trying to rest his revolted mind a little and Itachi admiring the way the sun bathed his friend’s face.
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-This way!- Shisui smiled at the little child. Valentina was a very active and playful kid, so he took his time to play with her as much as he could every day. She liked to explore the house by her own or in Shisui’s arms, examining everything with her big green eyes. Sadly, he wasn’t a person of decorations, his house was very simple and minimalistic- What kind of things you’d like to have here, huh? Maybe plushies? Dolls?- the child looked at him curious- Dinosaurs? I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid-
Itachi snorted and the baby’s attention fell completely over him. Valentina smiled with fully gums with barely teeth making Itachi smile to her too.
-I bet you’re his favourite thing around the house when you’re here. She’s smart- both laughed smiling at each other.
Shisui detected Valentina’s curiosity for Itachi some weeks ago, when Shisui was trying to bath her and put her on a diaper but she was fully entertained staring at Itachi (who was observing everything from aside), smiling and even making baby sounds like wanting to communicate something. From that day, every time Itachi’s around the house Valentina’s attention will be redirected to him no matter what she was doing.
-You’re magnetic. But I don’t blame her- Shisui looked briefly at the boy, who blushed a little.
-If you say so…- he lifted one of his hand in front of the baby’s face and she tried to grab his fingers. He smiled, every time more tender than the last.
At the beginning Shisui was instantaneously aware of Itachi discontent about him taking the child under his custody. He was preoccupied more than angry, and he understood it, but at the same time he needed his friend's company more than anything. And of course Itachi would never abandon him. But he needed time to get accustomed to the idea, to the child… to see Shisui on that new role he chose to play.
Little by little with the flow of the weeks, Shisui started to rearrange his times. When he was out on duty during the day the child stayed on a day-care, and when he needed to go on longer missions, Anko or Itachi made him the favor, although longer missions were not frequently on his schedule for the moment. He learned to change diapers, to bathe her, to prepare the food that she needs to eat, to pay attention to her and know if something was wrong, to change his sleeping habits to accommodate it to her necessities…
Itachi followed them to the bedroom and looked how gently he rested her on her crib. This new Shisui impressed and worried Itachi on equal parts.
-Want me to cook for you tonight?- Shisui stared at him surprised- Don’t look at me like that, I’m a good friend often, aren’t I?- the other one laughed.
-Yes you are. But you don’t need to worry, it’s okay-
-I’m not worried, I just want to pamper you a little- Shisui smiled tenderly.
- You are so sweet when you want-
Dinner didn’t took that long to be prepared. They talked about trivial things while chopping and cocking vegetables and rice.
-It’s okay, take a seat, I’ll finish it- said Itachi who was still cooking the rice.
Shisui took a seat on the table behind them, following Itachi’s movements with his eyes while he finished the meal and served it.
-Thank you, Itachi-
He didn’t answer, he served two bowls with the food and placed one in front of Shisui and one for him taking the seat across the table.
-You deserve it- said with a tender look making Shisui blush and smile happily.
-Hum… It’s delicious- Itachi nodded.
-Thanks- they ate in silence most part of the dinner until Itachi started to stare at him, making Shisui wonder.
-What?-
-You know what-
-No I don’t know, I can’t always read your mind- he joked. Itachi left his bowl aside after finishing and rearranged his pose sitting more loosely.
-What are you going to do with her?- Shisui sighed- Your soul might escape if you keep sighing this much- a lazy laugh filled the room.
Shisui took his time to finish his food before giving an answer, Itachi watched every movement made by his friend with total calm and patience.
-I… I had a reunion with the Hokage this morning and we talked about her future- his face saddened- Apparently, it’ll be difficult to find a new home for her, many families applied for her adoption but every time they hear about Valentina’s family background, they take a step behind- Itachi nodded- And I can understand, no many people want to be involved with those kind of things even if the risk of them appearing again is very low-
-Yeah, but people are normally afraid of the mafia- Shisui hummed -So?- he pressured. Itachi could be mean when he wanted and every time it happens it makes Shisui laugh nervously.
-So… I don’t know. I’m willing to take care of her of course but the problem is not me volunteering, but the conditions. My lifestyle. I’m a ninja, I’m on duty, I…don’t have all that I need to give her a good life, to rise her properly- Itachi’s eyes softened- But they’re gonna put her on an orphanage if no one adopts her before she turns one year…- his voice made small, and Itachi’s heart ached.
-Well… besides what the Hokage told you today, because I know… I see everyday how fond you already became with her and she with you, I was thinking…- he stared at a point far from Shisui’s eyes, still reconsidering his words before it abandoned his mouth. Shisui’s curious eyes staring at him with little fear- I’ll help you, to take care of her, of course- Shisui didn’t respond immediately, instead he smiled endearing lifting his body to the back recharging on his hands.
-You already do that Itachi, you’re a great support to us everyday-
-That’s not what I mean. If you don’t mind, I can come to stay here with you two. I’ll help you with her in every aspect- Shisui’s eyes widened.
Even for Itachi that was a surprising proposal, but he thought about it for a while now. Shisui laughed nervously, uncomfortable.
-No… I can’t give you such a big responsibility knowing how much work you already do for the village Itachi. Like I said before, you already do so much for us, even Valentina loves you- he smiled- You work so hard, but you need to rest too sometimes- Itachi looked at him with attention until he finished, and giggled.
-How considerate you are. But I was just asking for lodging, not for permission to raise her-
-Huh?- Shisui cocked his head confused- You want to…?-
-Yes-
-….why? Why so suddenly…?-
-Cause you’re important to me, and if she is important to you then she’s important to me as well. And cause she’s a lovely child too- he smiled.
Shisui kept silent for a few seconds with an expression hard to describe. For an instant Itachi thought he would cry, but Shisui never cries…
-I want to help you, to help her. I know I’ve been acting like an idiot this last month but it was because…- he frowned his lips in a thin line. Shisui interrupted.
-You’ve not. I know all you did was with pure intentions and I’m glad to have a… friend like you close to me- they shared a look that lasted a few seconds before Shisui continued- But if you want to do it cause you feel guilty for your attitude, I’m serious, you don’t-…- Itachi rolled his eyes.
He got up with a more serious expression, making Shisui stop talking and look at him with surprise. He walked around the table to where Shisui was and kneeled beside him. Before Shisui could’ve asked something, Itachi kissed him with determination for a couple of seconds, enough to make Shisui think how soft Itachi’s lips felt.
-Did I need to say anything more?- Shisui’s heart was beating loud, so loud he feared Itachi could hear it, but Itachi didn’t doubt even a little, instead, one of his hands was firmly on Shisui’s cheek. His thumb caressed it while he leaned again for another kiss.
This one was reciprocated. A love they knew was always there but neither of them was brave enough to speak about, to take the first step.
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With Itachi’s presence in the house, Valentina and him started to become very close so quickly, which surprised Shisui, it was such a “drastic” change. Not because Itachi didn’t want to be close to her but because it looked like he had been holding himself back all this time.
Maybe he was.
It doesn’t matter now.
-I have a long mission tomorrow night. To the Mist- Shisui took a seat beside Itachi, who was feeding the baby seated on the engawa enjoying the night summer breeze.
Shisui brushed his fingertips along Itachi’s long hair softly and watched him shiver a little by the sensation.
-No problem, I’m sure I can take care of her by myself-
-Anyway if you need help you can call Anko, she said it’s no problem- Itachi hummed in response.
-It’s the first long mission you have in more than a month-
-Yeah, and I’m the captain. I’m a little anxious to be honest- he giggled.
-Take care of yourself, we have a baby now- Itachi joked with a little teasing smile, but Shisui felt his cheeks burn- You’re red- he chuckled.
-I-I’m not!- he tried to hide his face looking at any other direction, but he couldn’t deny that those words, coming from Itachi’s mouth, made wonders in his chest.
He redirected his eyes to Itachi, who was concentrated on making the baby finish her meal. His peaceful expression, the love in the baby’s eyes staring at him and the domesticity of the scene made Shisui’s heart tremble with joyfulness.
He never felt this glad in his life. A life full of loneliness, dirty work, the coldness of an empty house and the responsibility of adulthood over his shoulders at such a young age. His only light just appeared when Itachi entered his life, and now, this little human being appeared to give him another motivation. Seeing those two humans being together, enjoying each other's company the way they do, made him feel overwhelmed.
Suddenly he felt one of Itachi’s hands rubbing his cheeks.
-You okay? You’re crying…- he said with a tender tone, almost in a whisper.
He couldn’t resist the urge to cry more dramatically.
After several minutes of crying and sobbing over Itachi’s shoulder while he tried to soothe him caressing his hair, he recomposed himself, feeling his shoulders and back less tense. He smiled feeling a bit ashamed.
-Sorry-
-You better?- he nodded- What were you thinking about?- he kissed Itachi on his temple and rested his face there for a moment.
-About how grateful I feel to have you two in my life…- he separated searching for Itachi’s eyes.
Itachi looked at him curious as if Shisui’s answer was not what he was expecting for. They shared a look that gave Itachi a hint of what could have happened through the other’s mind.
-You look sad more than relieved- Shisui kept silent just brushing Itachi’s hair absentmindedly.
The boy rarely, almost never talks about his past, his parents, his loneliness or how much he craves for affection, but more than fifteen years of friendship are enough to know (at least a little) what the other is thinking about based on reactions and a subtle gaze. Shisui never allow others to see how he feels, especially not when he’s consumed by sadness, but Itachi knows everything about him and was the only one allowed to see him that way.
Weakness is something that definitely didn’t suit Shisui.
After finally getting Valentina to fall asleep on her crib, took a bath and skipping dinner, they decided to end the day. It has been more than two weeks since Itachi moved to the house and it was more than comfortable to share the bed. It was not the very first time of course, they’ve shared the bed many times during their lives as friends, but this was different. They cuddle and caress each other like always, but shared kisses and more intimate touches too.
Itachi hugged him, pressing Shisui’s head onto his chest softly.
-It’s okay to be sad… Don’t blame yourself- He said pressing his lips on Shisui’s forehead. He barely nodded- Are you tired?-
-No-
-Wanna get up a little more?-
-No- he hugged Itachi more firmly- I just want to be like this, nothing more…-
That night they barely slept.
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With Shisui out of the house for the whole week, Itachi felt slightly disoriented alone with the baby besides knowing everything he has to do in order to take proper care of her. He observed her for long minutes while she was playing on the crib with the plushies Shisui bought days ago, thinking how well she fitted Shisui no matter how much Itachi wanted to deny it in the beginning.
-You make him happy, and exhausted, but happy nonetheless- he leaned one of his hands to caress her rounded cheeks- Can I tell you something? But promise me you won’t tell him- he smiled- I didn’t liked you at first- his voice sounded cold unintentionally- Nothing personal, don’t take me wrong. I didn’t liked you because I’m sure, especially after what happened yesterday, he took your custody as a way to cope with his own problems. He saw himself reflected in you, that’s why he couldn’t leave you there, and I’m sure he would do even the impossible to avoid them sending you to an orphanage- he pressed his chin on the crib resting his body against it, the baby playing with his fingers- Shisui was alone almost all his life, and even if he seems happy or carefree always, I heard him crying in the night many times when we were kids. I saw him isolate himself, or make stupid things just to gain a little attention from others. He was always desperate for love… Surely he didn’t want that for you- he made a pause- Like I said before, probably his intentions behind his actions were more dark than it seemed, but the reality is that he’s happy with you now. And he’s truly compromised. You like him?- he pinches Valentina’s nose carefully making her smile- I bet you like him too. Who wouldn’t? He’s the purest person I know… You two already suffered so much, both deserve some peace at least. And of course I’ll be here for both of you- a sigh escaped from his lips- See?- he smiled tenderly- I like you now. You remind me of Sasuke, my little brother. Maybe you’ll meet him one of these days-
Before he realized it, she felt asleep squeezing his fingers with her tiny hand. He wasn’t brave enough to leave her, so he reaccommodated himself and took the most uncomfortable nap of his life there.
Days passed by more calmly than Itachi expected. He felt almost naturally the little companion in the house. That day Anko told him she would go to see the baby after work.
-Hi!- she entered to the house freely making Itachi feel a little uncomfortable.
Anko was a close friend of Shisui, but them, Anko and Itachi, rarely interacted with each other. Especially without Shisui in between.
-Ooohhh you’re awake!- she pulled the baby from Itachi’s arms and lifted her above her head playfully smiling at her while Valentina stared at the woman with curious eyes.
-Don’t do that please! She just ate- Itachi said alarmed.
-Oh- she hugged her softly. Itachi sighed- It’s okay don’t worry, I know how to deal with kids-
She gave him a package with some sweets and food she bought on the way for Itachi and the girl, and took seat on the kitchen’s table with Valentina in her arms. Itachi poured some tea for them and served the sweets while both girls were “having a conversation”.
-Your cheeks are more and more rounded every time!- she giggled- Thanks- said looking at him- How are you? Is the first time you two stay alone?- she talked but didn’t really pay attention to him.
Anko was in love with Shisui since he can remember, so it was not weird for Itachi to see that attitude towards him.
She was only doing a favor to Shisui.
-Yeah, first time, luckily we get along pretty well-
-Yeah, Shishi told me you like each other- she gazed at him smirking- I mean, you and her. He even said you’re good with kids. I can’t imagine- giggled.
-Believe it or not. Right, dear?- he said smiling to the baby in a way too out of character for him just to prove to her how much Valentina appreciates him. Or at least that’s what he likes to think.
Anko looked at him way too seriously for him, like inspecting, and immediately out of nowhere started to laugh.
-Huh?- he frowned.
-Okay, okay, I understand. You don’t need to act that way- she accommodated Valentina in her arms lulling her- He told me how much she seems in love with you. I’m not here to steal anything from you, boy- stared at him defiantly with a provoking smile- On the contrary, I want to help-
He didn’t say a thing more than a silent nod.
After Anko left late on the afternoon, Valentina was more than awake.
-Maybe a bath will help- he said to her, who was sitting on her baby chair with her plushie. Instantaneously her gaze darted to the door that opened furiously, making Itachi alarmed, but a big smile appeared on all her face. Although neither Itachi nor Shisui smiled- Shisui-
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He tried not to pressure the other boy to talk. Shisui is not the kind of person who tends to get furious when something bad happens but... Itachi gulped nervously. It was way too weird to see him in that state.
Since the moment he entered the house the only thing he did was to sit beside the baby and play with her. All his attention was focused on her.
He seemed sad, not just angry.
-Want to drink something? Maybe eat?- he shook his head without paying attention.
Itachi felt helpless, but accepted that he couldn’t do anything if Shisui didn’t allow him to help. Clenching his hands, he left the kitchen room and them both alone. Just a few seconds after, he heard Shisui crying at the other side of the door.
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Late that night Shisui climbed onto his bed beside Itachi, waking him up almost instantaneously.
-Shi…- Shisui shushed. He pulled his shirt above his head, threw it to the floor with his pants, and took place under the sheets hugging the other boy.
-Please…- he begged in a whisper tugging Itachi’s clothes. Itachi obeyed by throwing his clothes to some place too.
Shisui’s body was warm, always warm, making Itachi comfortable under his touch, around his arms. He couldn’t resist the urge to ask anymore, but his lover had already hid his face between his neck and collarbones. So Itachi brushed his long, slim fingers through Shisui’s curls tenderly, biting the inside of his cheeks.
-They found a new family for her- Itachi’s breath got caught in his throat for a second. Isn’t that good news?
-That’s… awesome, right?- he doubted. No, he can’t doubt, he has to sound convinced so Shisui will not be scared or doubtful too. He… He felt a knot on his throat and Shisui’s back and shoulders trembling, sobbing.
-Yes… yes it is…- Itachi squeezed him tightly.
-I know it’ll be difficult but, maybe it’ll be the best for her, don’t you think?- but that was not right. Not completely. It felt wrong to even say it.
-You really think that too?- Itachi felt Shisui’s fingers and nails digging deep onto his back. He didn’t answer- After thinking about it over and over… I applied for her adoption too… But I knew it was impossible for me to be selected even having you here helping me-
-You said that to them?-
-I did, but they didn’t care…- he sobbed- They just don’t want her to stay with me- Itachi’s heart crushed.
-Don’t say that, I don’t think they-…-
-They said it!- he raised his voice enough to surprise and scare Itachi for the sudden reaction- They said it… They said I'm not ready yet-
-Not ready yet?- Shisui raised his head facing Itachi. Eyes red and swollen, jaw clenched.
-Cause I’m an Uchiha, I’m on duty, I’m still young, and more important… She's not my real child. She doesn’t have my bloodline. So for them, she isn’t worth the effort-
And everything fitted.
She’ll be an obstacle in Shisui's life. She was a normal baby, the daughter of common civilians. What could she offer to the clan or the village?
She was nobody before their eyes. And they wouldn’t risk Shisui.
That night not one of them slept. They just stayed awake sharing the warmth of their bodies trying to reassure each other’s hearts.
Almost three months were enough to make it feel like a real family, to give Shisui the warmth he always craved for but once again, life steals it from him.
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After Valentina’s departure, Shisui never spoke about it again, not even with Itachi, who sometimes wondered if that was good for him. But slowly he started to recover, to be the same he was, to wear his carefree and charming smile more often. All of that took its proper time to begin healing, and Itachi’s company sure helped to cope with it too.
-I love you- Shisui said suddenly, catching Itachi off guard.
-Ah…- he blushed. Always the same reaction.
-Don’t “ah” me- Shisui laughed- You’re not a teenager anymore, and is not the first time either-
-I know, it’s just that it always catches me off guard- Shisui hummed, leaning his body against Itachi’s back.
They were sitting on the engawa enjoying the spring breeze while Itachi finished organizing some paperwork. Sitting behind Itachi surrounding him with his legs, Shisui braided Itachi’s hair until he got bored of it.
-Want to know something?-
-Hum?- Itachi looked at him briefly.
-I saw her this morning- Itachi suddenly stopped what he was doing, the pen trembled on his hand. He turned around to see Shisui.
-Really?- Shisui nodded.
-Yeah. She was with her mother and apparently, she has a brother too-
A slight tinge of sadness decorated his words as he talked about her, but Itachi felt proud of his progress.
-How much time has passed already?- he thought- Two years maybe?- Itachi nodded.
-Two years and a half-
-Such a long time…- he said, darting his gaze to the sky. Rapidly he seemed to get lost in thoughts, but Itachi still looked at him with attention- I hope she’s happy now- Itachi caressed his jaw tenderly with his fingertips.
-She was happy here too, I’m sure. Don’t forget that-
With Itachi’s eyes fixed on his own, Shisui buried his cheek on Itachi’s hand smiling.
-Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, ‘Tachi-
~END~