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The rusted bell hanging from the door handle tinkles lightly as Jeongguk steps into the cafe, and his heart rate immediately skyrockets. The familiar notes of chocolate and coffee grounds, jam and bitter tea do little to calm him, his hands now shaking slightly as he walks to the counter and orders a drink. After scanning the place quickly, he makes a beeline for the small table in the corner, eucalyptus and ivy dangling artfully from the ceiling overhead.
The minutes drag on like hours, Jeongguk’s knee bouncing in anticipation, knuckles whitening from the unrelenting grip on his paper cup. He can’t help but to replay the last few messages between him and Taehyung over and over, mind tracing over each word, each letter like a broken record. The bell tinkles again, and his heart stops. Tentatively he turns, and his heart beats faster, and faster, and faster… and it’s not him. But that doesn’t deter the growth of flower buds sprouting in his heart. He knows he’s being impatient, knows he’s going to send himself straight into a heart attack if he keeps going like this.
So he tries his best to take deep breaths, counts one two, one two, looks more closely at the decorations in the cafe, tries to recognize as many of the plant species as he possibly can. Doesn’t look at his watch. Won’t look at his watch. Bends down, unties his laces, and reties them. Sips his drink, holds the liquid in his mouth, tongue eager to identify all the notes of citrus and spice the menu said is in this specific brew. Blinks, blinks. Blinks. Thinks he can feel his eyelashes growing out of his eyelids.
The bell jingles again. Jeongguk sighs deeply, and before he opens his eyes can faintly hear a pair of footsteps stopping behind him. Someone clears their throat, and Jeongguk’s heart stops. The flowers bloom fully in his chest. He can’t wait even a second longer, and he turns around and there is Taehyung, standing behind him. Jeongguk stands, and he can feel his legs shaking as he steps around his chair and pauses in front of Taehyung. They stare at each other for a good few seconds.
“Can I um.. would it be okay if I hug you?” Jeongguk said that far too quietly, he thinks, but Taehyung gives him a small smile, the corners of his mouth barely curving upwards, and replies, “sure.” Jeongguk still hesitates a moment before stepping forward, lightly wrapping his arms around Taehyung. He wants to stay like this forever, he realizes, but all too soon Taehyung is stepping away, and Jeongguk really doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. He nearly trips over the leg of his chair as he goes back to sit down, and watches carefully as Taehyung walks around the table and does the same. A breath fills and leaves Jeongguk’s lungs, and he then takes a moment to really study the man across from him.
The past ten years have been kind to Taehyung, even generous, as he looks back at Jeongguk with soft eyes, blinks through long lashes. His hair falls over his heavy brows and curls around his ears, a stunning caramel brown color. The collared shirt he wears sits loosely on his shoulders, a collarbone peeking through and he truly looks ethereal, with his gold earrings and gold rings and golden smile and gold everything and he shines so brightly Jeongguk is certain he’s going blind. Losing his vision so quickly he doesn’t take in Taehyung’s posture, or the way his hands fidget, or the way his smile is actually stiff and not shy. Jeongguk clears his throat nervously, the silence stretching between them.
“So I.. well…” and then he stops. Because how do you start a conversation with someone that had been in your life since practically the beginning, was the person closest and most dear to your heart, and then suddenly wasn’t for over ten years? But Taehyung seems to know what to say, must have something to say, because he starts speaking as soon as Jeongguk finishes.
"Jeongguk, we’re.. this is...” he stops, runs a hand through his hair. Jeongguk sits on the edge of his chair, clinging to every word. “All of this is just….” watches his chest rise with the deep breath he takes. “I’m… uncomfortable,” Taehyung finishes, hands dropping to his lap. Jeongguk pauses, the grip on his cup loosening because surely he misunderstood.
“You’re un-” he stops, tries again, voice suddenly hoarse. The flowers in his heart start to wilt. “I make you… uncomfortable?” Jeongguk looks up slowly, scared to meet Taehyung’s eyes but he has to know. Has to know that this is all some big mistake.
Taehyung’s expression hardly changes. He just looks at Jeongguk, a peculiar, unidentifiable kind of gaze. His brow creases, and his mouth opens. “I’m… Jeongguk I…” But he needn’t say more than that, because Jeongguk can see it. Can see the hesitation in his face, hears the slightly unsettled tone in his voice. You’re making him uncomfortable, you make him uncomfortable, constantly, every day, every minute, he’s uncomfortable and it’s your fault, your fault, he’s uncomfortable uncomfortable UNCOMFORTABLE-
Jeongguk’s right eye twitches violently and his breath freezes in his chest, frigid and piercing. It was foolish of him to think this could work, that they could repair things, and now the flowers in his chest are past withered and mold is growing and it’s entirely his fault. He’s barely able to stand, eyes welling rapidly and his hands are clutching fiercely at the rim of the table. He knows Taehyung is watching even as he stares at his shoes, and Jeongguk wishes he would stop.
“You’re uncomfortable.. uncomf…” he mutters, whispers, barely audible. Looks up and hopes the tears don’t slip from their perch on his lower lashline. “I had no idea Taehyung, I’m so sorry. Please just.. forget. Um. About this, about me and all the-” his voice cracks. Stops speaking for a second, because he has to keep it together. Not for Taehyung, but for himself.
“You never have to contact me again, I promise I’ll never bother you again, won’t try and see you, won’t try to- to… I’m…” Doesn’t know what else he can say. Decides he shouldn’t, because then this really will go too far. “I’m sorry,” Jeongguk chokes out, one last time, and then turns his back to Taehyung and walks slowly towards the door, like his shoes are full of water and he’s stepping on clouds, and he might just be floating above his own body. Wonders if his heart has actually dissolved out of his chest, because after the first few tears fall there’s suddenly nothing. Thinks that maybe he saw Taehyung’s hand reach out but refuses to turn around, because there’s no footsteps following him out.
The bell tinkles just as brightly when the door closes, and the cup of coffee is left to grow cold on the table, steam just visibly rising out of the drinking notch in the lid.