Archive of Our Own ^beta

1. FEBRUARY

As soon as he gets the email, he knows he’s doomed.

Hanyang University’s pairing scheme is mandatory for graduate students but optional for freshers, so he’d barely clocked it as a fresher and hasn’t known anyone else paired as a grad student. Minghao being a year below him means he’s never done it either, and if he can’t ask Minghao about something, he has no idea what to do.

The email on his phone tells him he needs to reach out to his paired fresher, his designated ‘college son’, and show him around campus within the next week. The scheme also recommends he makes plans to show his college son something in the city, take him somewhere for a meal, or introduce him to a society or event.

Typically freshers who sign up to the scheme tend to be students from overseas, which Junhui can only assume is the case for his college son Zhong Chenle, who may never have even been to Seoul before. The only problem is that, despite living here for four years, Junhui doesn’t exactly know Seoul very well either.

He knows the route from his dorm room to the engineering classrooms and back. He knows the way to Lay’s, the Chinese restaurant he and Minghao go to after deadlines and exams. He knows where to get the cheapest video games in Seoul, and he knows a good place to buy novelty hot-dog grillers, and he knows the arts building for his ballet classes. His scope of Seoul isn’t much bigger than that. If Zhong Chenle wants to see anything else, he’s not going to be a very good guide.

His phone pings with a new email.

Subject : DADDY <3

Hi, I got the email. Do you want to meet tomorrow by the main building? You can show me everything!!

Your son,

Chenle

He pulls the bedsheets back up over his head. He’s got until tomorrow to figure it out.

-

Junhui makes a list. When he leaves his flat, it looks like this:

• Show Chenle around campus (science building, arts building, main building, library)
• Take Chenle to Lay’s
• Suggest a trip to Bukhansan
• Show him where the Pokémon Go Gyms are

The last one is the closest he can get to an event, but he also pulls up the Hanyang Uni social media to show Chenle the freshers events. There are plenty of options on there to keep Chenle busy if he’s the kind of guy who likes socialising. Junhui can’t relate, but he can do his best to respect it.

They’d agreed to meet on the green outside the main building. It’s impossible to miss, being the big grassy space in the middle of the campus, but as he’s approaching he realises he hadn’t asked Chenle for a photo and there are more than a few people milling around here. There doesn’t seem to be anyone here waiting on their own, so he sits himself down on the steps and checks his phone. Chenle still has another few minutes to get here.

There’s a loud laugh from a nearby group of three, and Junhui can’t help but automatically tune into their conversation, hearing it’s being spoken in Mandarin. Minghao knows most of the Chinese students in his year and the year below, so chances are Junhui has heard stories about these people at some point before, if he can only listen out for a name.

“I don’t know why you signed up to it when Kun-ge knows more about Seoul than your average citizen,” one guy is saying, his back to Junhui, several shiny earrings glinting under the winter sun. “You know he’d make time for you.”

“Kun-ge is so busy that he’s already working and the semester hasn’t even started,” the laughing boy says, crossing his arms over his chest as he speaks. “What’s the harm in it?”

“He just wants someone else to terrorise,” a shorter, skinny boy says, tone only half-joking. “Good luck to him.”

Junhui’s chest tingles with nerves as he realises what he’s hearing. He opens up his messages again, shoots a quick text that says I’m sat on the steps!! and watches as the laughing boy looks down at his phone a moment later.

He looks up only to meet Junhui’s eyes directly, grinning in his direction. He lifts a hand to wave, pockets his phone, and says a quick goodbye to his friends.

“Hi, Daddy.” Chenle says the word in English as he treks up the stairs to stand in front of Junhui. Junhui stands up with him, feeling the eyes of Chenle’s friends on them.

“Hello, my son,” he says back, and is rewarded by another loud laugh from Chenle, cherubic face full of glee that Junhui is playing along. “It’s nice to meet you. Congratulations on getting into Hanyang, I always knew you could do it.”

“Congratulations on never leaving Hanyang,” Chenle grins. “You’re a graduate student, right? How old are you, twenty-four? My young dad.”

“Twenty-six,” Junhui corrects, scratching his head. “You?”

“Twenty-one, I’m not that much of a baby. I did a year abroad, then a year in a music school before coming here.”

“Wow,” Junhui says, turning and walking up the rest of the steps as they talk. “Is that what you study?”

“Practical music, yeah. You?”

“Transport engineering.”

“Ooh, wow. I got a smart dad!”

Junhui laughs. Chenle is likeable already. “Not really. I got a talented son, I think that’s better. Anyway. The campus?”

Chenle looks pleased, but he shrugs in response to Junhui’s question. “Sure, give me the tour. My friends have already shown me the main buildings, though.”

“Your friends,” he says, taking him down the centre of campus towards the arts building. “How do you know people already? Didn’t you just get here?”

“My older brother Sicheng attends here. He’s in practical dance. He knows all the Chinese students, so when Renjun and Yangyang enrolled last year I ended up in a group chat with them. Yangyang and I game together, and Renjun is his boyfriend who studies my course, so I got lucky knowing them in advance. Guanheng, Dejun and Kun just know me through Sicheng, but I’m the baby of the group, so I get a lot of attention from them.”

Junhui knows Sicheng—he’s someone Minghao dances with often. He’s something of a prodigy when it comes to traditional dance, and even more well-known for his good looks. Junhui takes a quick glance at Chenle now—he’s incredibly cute in a boyish way, but his high cheekbones and smiling eyes lend to a handsome sort of attractiveness he can only assume is genetic.

“I’ve seen Sicheng dance,” he says, pointing at the arts building. “My friend Minghao is in practical dance too. He’s amazing, your brother.”

Chenle points at him, then slaps his arm. “I’ve seen Minghao dance! When they were partners for that interpretive thing last year—we were probably in the same room then!”

“Small world,” Junhui says, as Chenle practically rocks on his feet with excitement.

“Well, we’re both Chinese in a Korean school, we were bound to cross paths eventually. But it is pretty cool! Sicheng actually showed me the arts building after I moved in yesterday, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Oh.” Junhui pauses in his step, thrown. “Then, the library?”

“Renjun showed me this morning,” Chenle says happily. “I don’t really need the campus tour, to be honest, all I’ve been doing the last two days is exploring it. Do you want to go and do something in Seoul?”

“Um,” Junhui fumbles, opening up his notes app. He suddenly can’t remember anything he planned to do with Chenle. “Okay. I could take you for food? I know a really good Chinese restaurant—”

“Is it Lay’s?” Chenle asks, unable to contain himself. “My parents took me there yesterday when they dropped me off. Sicheng recommended it. It’s so good, isn’t it! He said all the Chinese students go there after exams. The sweet and sour pork is to die for, and the Ma Po Tofu, and the hot pot—” he puts his hands over his chest and closes his eyes like he’s praying. “It was so good. If you’re offering to buy me food, I won’t say no.”

Junhui scratches his head. “You’ve already decimated half my list.”

“You’ve made a list? Let me see,” Chenle says, grabbing Junhui’s wrist so he can get a good look at his screen, the way Junhui’s younger brother might ask to see the games on his phone. “Bukhansan? Isn’t that where that popular hiking trail is?”

“Yes,” Junhui says haltingly. “I heard it’s a popular thing to do in Seoul.”

Chenle looks back up at him. “So you haven’t actually been?”

“No,” Junhui says, then scrambles for a defence. “It’s not that I haven’t been—I mean, I haven’t, but I never really planned on it. I like to stay home when I’m not studying, I’ve never asked anyone to go hiking, and they’ve never asked me, so why should I go? I can’t go on my own.”

“But you know where the Pokémon Go Gyms are by experience, I’m guessing?” Chenle says, pointing at the last item on the list.

“Of course,” Junhui says, then pauses, holding his breath. Chenle is looking at him, a little smile curling onto his face, eyes bright with it.

His gut wrenches with embarrassment. Chenle has only just started at Hanyang and is already popular, knowledgeable, and way out of Junhui’s league. Especially now Junhui has exposed himself as a complete loser in under five minutes of knowing him.

“Then show me where they are,” Chenle says, tone teasing.

Junhui steels himself, standing up a little straighter, but his height doesn’t help him feel particularly confident. “There’s one here, behind the business building,” he says, leading the way down to the edge of campus. “I know I’m not very useful as a college dad, so I don’t mind if you want to go back to your friends and forget all about it. It sounds like you know people who know way more than me.”

Chenle laughs again, carefree. “You can’t kick me out like this, I’m your son! Besides, it seems like you need me. Haven’t you ever done anything fun in Seoul? There was really nothing else you could think to put on your list?”

“I’ve been shopping sometimes,” Junhui says, and they pause at the corner of the building. “It’s here.”

“Right,” Chenle says, plucking the phone out of Junhui’s hands. “Okay. We can still fix this. Is this your last year studying here?”

Junhui is stunned by how brazen Chenle is. They barely know each other, and he’s got Junhui’s phone in his hands. That’s as good as reaching inside his chest and grabbing hold of his heart. “Erm. Yes?”

“I’m adding to the list,” he announces, typing away. “Have you done the sort of shit you’re supposed to do as a student? You know, party all night, get blackout drunk, kiss someone you don’t know…?”

Junhui full-body cringes. “Definitely not.”

Chenle glances up at him, frowning. “Why? You’re hot enough that a stranger would definitely kiss you.”

“I’m—I just don’t want to,” Junhui flusters. “Aren’t I supposed to be showing you around?”

“Well, clearly I’m the Daddy here,” Chenle says, typing for another few seconds before handing the phone back to Junhui. “What do you think? I bet we could get through these before you graduate.”

The list now reads:

• Show Chenle around campus (science building, arts building, main building)
• Eat somewhere new
• Take a trip to Bukhansan
• Show him where the Pokémon Go Gyms are
• Make at least 1 new friend
• Go out all night dancing
• Kiss a stranger
• Get a tattoo
• Dye your hair
• Go on a date
• Go camping with friends
• Go skinny dipping
• Cook something new (for Chenle)
• Host a party
• Travel outside of Seoul
• Do something you’re afraid of

Junhui feels dizzy at the length of it. He can realistically do one, maybe two of these things within the year.

“I was assuming you’re not dating anyone right now,” Chenle says, not unkindly. “But change the date one if I’m wrong. I’m thinking we could start with eating somewhere new? Right now?”

“I can’t just do all these things!” Junhui exclaims. “I need to study—I have graduate too, you know!”

Chenle shrugs. “It’s not that many. Hey, how about you pick twelve, and we’ll do one every month until you graduate. We can work up to the more exciting ones. If we go and eat somewhere new right now, that’s already February’s crossed off.”

Chenle must be the most forward person he’s ever met—and Junhui has literally just met him. “Why would we do these things together?”

“Because it’ll be fun! Why not? I’m not going to force you to anything you really don’t want to do. I won’t pressure you into it, you can just tell me now if you hate the ideas. But I think it would be fun, if you want to try.”

“It’s not like I can’t do these things!” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I could do them!”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“I just… never had interest, never had anyone to do them with me. Minghao is always busy—”

“But now you have me!” Chenle says brightly. “I’ll be with you for every one on the list. So we’re going to do it together, okay?”

“I’m—yes, sure, let’s do it. We can do it. This is what freshers are supposed to do, right?”

Chenle grins so wide his eyes become smiley lines, lightly punching Junhui’s arm again. “Sure. And their older friends who apparently need a refresher course.”

Junhui pulls a face. “I don’t think this is how our relationship is supposed to go.”

Chenle laughs again, taking Junhui’s arm and walking him in the direction of the closest campus exit. It took Junhui two years to figure out there was an exit behind this building.

“What can I say? You’re a special kind of graduate, Wen Junhui. And I’m a special kind of fresher.”

Eat somewhere new

-

2. MARCH

After they eat out together at a place that serves Moroccan food, which Junhui has to admit was the most exciting thing to happen to him since he’d paid off his Animal Crossing mortgage, he sees Chenle twice more within ten days. The first time is an accident, when they bump into each other outside the library. The second time is not an accident, because in those twenty seconds they’d passed by each other, Chenle had roped him into coming to a movie night with his friends.

He’s panicking from the moment he accepts to the moment Chenle rings his buzzer and tells him to hurry up. He’d been in a spiral of overthinking his outfit of a white t-shirt and jeans combo, and then overthinking the fact that he packed his Switch, whether that was too eager or not. Chenle’s voice calling through his buzzer compels him to keep a hold of it, and he yanks his padded coat on as he’s leaving the apartment.

Chenle is squinting at him when he arrives, but when he does a little jig on the spot, Junhui figures it’s because of the cold and not because he’s disapproving of Junhui’s coat. “Come on, we’re going to be late. Late and cold.”

“Where is it we’re going?”

“Kun-ge’s place,” Chenle says, shuffling down the street ahead of them, and Junhui carefully keeps pace with him. “Since more than three of us are meeting up it was pretty much a no-brainer. His parents are super rich and own a house here, so he’s the only one with the space for all of us.”

“And how many people is all of us?”

“I think everyone is coming. We all talked about it on the group chat, and I didn’t notice anyone saying they couldn’t. I’ll add you to make it easier for next time.”

“Ah, you don’t need to,” he says, fretting at the thought of being added to a big group chat where he doesn’t know anyone and can’t say anything.

Chenle barely seems to be listening to him. “It’s fine, trust me, you’ll get on with them. And all you need to do is befriend one of them to check off your bucket list for the month. So we have Kun, Guanheng, Sicheng, Dejun, Renjun and Yangyang. I hope you’re a fan of vampires, because if Dejun is coming he’ll be voting for Twilight.”

“Twilight is good,” Junhui says, and Chenle laughs and grabs his wrist, guiding him into a sudden bend in the road.

“Sure, it’s funny. But Yangyang and I are going to coordinate to vote for the new Thor movie, and I bet that will be actually good.”

“I thought you said it was going to be an anime movie night?”

“Guanheng will definitely be voting anime, and so will Sicheng, so it may well be an anime movie night. But that’s why you need to be on our side so we can win with Thor.”

“But I like anime!”

“No, I can’t watch One Piece for movie night again. Movie night is too sacred for Guanheng’s questionable choices. Join us for Thor! Don’t you like Marvel?”

They walk through a few more streets bickering about film choices before Chenle turns them into a doorway, punching in the code to get inside, and Junhui realises his nerves had left him somewhere on the trip here. They come back in full force once he steps inside the warmth of a stranger’s home, immediately met with a doorway full of shoes. It looks like they’re the last ones to arrive.

“We’re here!” Chenle bellows through the house, then skids on socked feet through to the room at the end of the corridor. Junhui follows, only to witness him leap onto a man who looks all too happy to see him.

“Hi,” the guy says, polite enough to nod in his direction even with a whole Chenle koala-hugging him. “I’m Kun, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Junhui,” he says, waving awkwardly. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Chenle hops down from Kun’s hold. “He didn’t invite you! I did!”

“Then thank you for having me,” Junhui says, and Kun laughs.

“Pleasure. Feel free to settle in, there are drinks out in the living room.”

Junhui follows after Chenle into a room full of people, already warm with body heat.

“Everyone,” Chenle says, clapping his hands as he enters the room. “Please meet my new son, Junhui. I’ve adopted him, so he’s part of the family now.” He turns back to Junhui, pointing out the people in the room and listing names so fast he can barely keep up. “Guanheng is sat over there, next to him is Dejun the twilight guy. This is Yangyang with Renjun sitting on him, and over here is Sicheng-ge, my brother. Ge, this is your new nephew.”

Sicheng smiles and greets him good-naturedly as Dejun grumbles something about being ‘the twilight guy’.

“I’m not sat on him,” Renjun says pointedly. He’s sat on the corner seat of the couch with his legs over Yangyang’s lap, and with the two of them partially covered in blankets, Junhui has to admit he looks awfully like he’s sitting on him. “Junhui, you’re very welcome to sit with anyone else here if you want to avoid Chenle. I swear we’re all more normal than him.”

“Apart from Guanheng,” Kun says, reappearing in the room with bags of popcorn in hand. “If you’re going for normal, I wouldn’t recommend sitting with him.”

Guanheng laughs in a goofy way, like he’s part cartoon character, but Yangyang speaks first. “I thought you were supposed to be his son, Chenle? Isn’t that how the pairing system works?”

“I’m the Daddy now,” Chenle says in English, then begins laughing to himself. Kun hands out the popcorn then sits in the armchair, guiding Chenle to squeeze in with him.

“I don’t know why you find that so funny,” Junhui admits, but he finds himself laughing along anyway.

“Like I said, he’s weird,” Renjun says, gesturing to the free seat next to Yangyang with his socked feet. “Come and sit with us instead.”

Just like that, his nerves are gone again. No one present seems to mind too much that he’s crashed their party, and it turns out Yangyang is a computer science student, which Junhui took a few modules in last year and can happily talk about while they get settled.

Selecting a movie, as it turns out, is cutthroat. They each go around making a suggestion, then have to vote for a suggestion that isn’t their own. Wholly unprepared for this system, Junhui suggests the Lego Movie, which makes Chenle laugh so hard he starts crying. Dejun comes to his defence by saying that the Lego Movie is actually really good, so Junhui votes for his movie suggestion out of gratitude, which is in fact not Twilight. It’s Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Renjun also votes for Breaking Dawn, and when it comes to a tie-breaker between Breaking Dawn and Thor, Breaking Dawn wins. Junhui is just relieved his Lego Movie suggestion is forgotten.

Dejun’s dog comes wandering into the room ten minutes into the movie, and Junhui is so excited that a dog is present he misses a lot of the opening scenes to pet the suspiciously-named Bella. He tunes back in when Chenle is starting to make jokes about the CGI wolves, and Dejun is hastily trying to defend the movie without realising Chenle is teasing. Yangyang starts laughing at them as Renjun curls into his side, seemingly content with the company he’s in.

Despite not really knowing anyone, the energy in the room is good, and Junhui feels relaxed. He sits back into the couch, careful not to be too close to the happy couple, and even joins in by throwing out a few comments here and there. When he makes the group laugh at a joke about Bella’s baby, the surge of pride feels warm.

Kun serves them up some amazing hot pot for dinner, and Junhui thinks it probably tastes better thanks to the company. He hadn’t realised how much he missed being surrounded by his native language, making jokes with ease, eating dishes he loves with other people who love them just as much as him.

He says as much to Chenle when they’re walking back to campus later that night, Seoul’s bright lights guiding their way.

“So you had fun?”

“It was really fun.”

“And you’ve really never done it before?” Chenle asks, voice a little teasing but mostly curious. “A movie night with friends?”

“Not like that,” Junhui says, shrugging to shield himself. “Your friends are funny.”

“Your friends too, now,” Chenle says, bumping him with his shoulder. “Or do we need to pick something else from the list for this month?”

“No, nope. My friends are funny.” The words feel strange on his mouth—he’s never had a group of friends to go to before, only ever one or two people he’d float between. Already, he’s itching to respond to the few group chat messages that have been sent since their departure.

“That’s right,” Chenle says, pleased. “Our friends are the best.”

Make at least 1 new friend

3. APRIL

He soon builds up the courage to start sending more than reaction gifs and generic responses to the group chat. It starts with him testing out memes on Minghao before sending them to the group, and grows into him outright teasing Dejun for tripping while walking Bella, or sending mundane pictures of his meals when Chenle complains about being hungry. More often than not, pictures like those will result in Chenle ringing his buzzer five minutes later, because they live in next-door dorm buildings and his laziness isn’t quite enough to stop him walking that far.

By the time spring rolls around, Junhui has had Chenle over more times than he thinks anyone has ever visited his dorm room. At one of these spontaneous dinners together, Chenle demands he pick the bucket list experience for April.

“Mid-terms are killing me, so we deserve to do something fun once they’re over,” he says, making grabby hands for Junhui’s phone.

Junhui clutches it to his chest. “Isn’t everything on the list fun?”

Chenle gives him a look, reaching over the table and snatching it out of his hands. “Dyeing your hair is different to partying all night. Once we’re through these exams, we deserve a party.”

“That doesn’t sound that fun. All night long?”

Chenle looks up at him, sliding the phone back across the table. “Yes, all night long. We’re going to do staying out all night dancing, and you’re going to see that it’s fun when you’re with the right people.”

“I was going to go to Lay’s with Minghao after midterms—” Junhui starts, but Chenle perks right up at the words.

“Then invite him too! I want to meet him, since you talk so much about him.”

“Minghao’s not really a drinker…”

“Then he doesn’t have to drink! Let’s just have fun. Like I said, I’m not actually forcing you to stay out all night if you don’t want to, but just come and see if you like it. It’s not going to hurt you to try.”

“It’s going to hurt my sleeping pattern!” he exclaims, but from the way Chenle laughs they both know he’s won his argument.

Exams go on for another two weeks before they finally get a respite, and Chenle arranges in their group chat for them all to go out the following Friday. ‘All’ dwindles from the eight of them plus Minghao down to six of them total, as Kun, Sicheng and Guanheng beg off for having committed to other social events.

It doesn’t deter Chenle. In fact, it seems to make him more determined to make sure Junhui doesn’t back out, offering to come over and help him dress beforehand.

“You need to wear something that looks hot, not something that screams ‘I’m a loner who has never done this before’,” Chenle explains, rifling through his untidy rack of clothes. “Have you got anything that isn’t a graphic tee and jeans?”

“I don’t know,” he says doubtfully. There has been the occasional shopping outing where Minghao had forced him to buy some things he was sure he’d never wear, but they’ve been buried in his wardrobe for so long he’s not even sure what they might be. “Why can’t I wear what I chose?”

“You can’t wear a fuzzy cat sweater to the club. We’re going out to have fun, not play bingo with your grandma.” He pulls out something shiny and black and holds it up to the light. It folds out to be a pair of faux-leather trousers he doesn’t remember buying. “Perfect. I hope these fit you. They are yours, right?”

“I actually have no idea,” Junhui says, taking them with a nervous laugh. “But I can wear a plain black tee with these, right? That will work.”

“Yes,” Chenle says, picking out two plain black t-shirts and holding them up to the light. Junhui pushes off his jeans and goes for the leather trousers. “This one looks like it’s been washed recently.”

“And the other one doesn’t? I wash my clothes!” he says indignantly, falling back against the wall in the struggle to get the rubbery trousers up his legs. There’s a good reason he’s never worn them—he’s never been in a pair of trousers more uncomfortable. “How are you supposed to get these on?”

Chenle turns his attention to him and starts to laugh, the high giggles addictive even if they are at his expense. “Pull them! Here.”

He starts to tug with Junhui to get the trousers on, and Junhui hops into them as he does. When they’re finally up his legs, he strips off his shirt to go for the black one Chenle picked out, and struggles to find the head hole as Chenle gasps dramatically.

“Wow, you’re ripped!” he exclaims, and Junhui pulls his head through the t-shirt to see Chenle looking incredulously at Junhui’s stomach. “Why are you ripped? You go to the gym?”

“I do ballet every weekend,” Junhui says. “You have to be fit for it.”

“You do ballet?” Chenle says incredulously. “Since when!”

“The University does classes,” he says, feeling a little warm in the cheeks. “I started going in second year to try and make friends, met Minghao, and kept going back because I liked it.”

Chenle makes a face of utter disbelief, then shakes himself out of it. “Wow. Do you want to cut that shirt up? You could show off a bit of skin—”

“No, I don’t want to,” he says, laughing at the suggestion. “I’m not getting any skin out.”

“Come on! You have a body like that and you don’t want to show it off?”

“Nope!”

“You’re depriving the hot girls in the club of looking at you, you know.”

Junhui cringes. “I’m not interested in the hot girls in the club looking at me.”

“Okay, the hot boys in the club then!”

“Closer, but still no,” Junhui says. “I don’t want to attract people to me. I just want to dance with you and the others.”

Chenle raises his eyebrows at him, incredulous again. “Wow. With a face like yours you might not have total control over that, but fine, fair enough, we can stick together. Yangyang and Renjun only ever dance with each other, but all the men in gay clubs still fall over themselves to buy Renjun drinks. Yangyang ends up leeching onto him to ward them off, and it kind of works.”

Junhui tugs at the hem of his shirt nervously. “So we’re going to stick together too? I can’t talk to strangers, especially if they’re buying me drinks.”

“I can ward off your suitors,” Chenle grins. “Helps me too. I’m not interested in men, but it seems rude to say that if someone approaches you in a gay club.”

“Then why do you go to them?”

“Because Renjun insists we go to at least one on a night out. Yangyang is bi, so I think Renjun gets jealous when girls come up to Yangyang in all the other clubs. He likes to even the playing field in the gay clubs.”

Junhui laughs at the thought of it. “So the whole night is like some kind of possessive courting ritual for them?”

“I thought you were going to say foreplay, but yeah, sure.”

“And you? Do the girls come up to you in clubs?”

Chenle shrugs with a smirk. “It’s about even, men and women.”

Junhui feels a little winded at the prospect. “You can wander off with the girls in the straight clubs, I’ll dance with Minghao. But we’ll stick together in the gay clubs?”

“Only if you’re sure you don’t want men approaching you.”

“No thank you. I’ll stick with my friends.”

“Okay, your loss. Or their loss, I guess. Definitely their loss.”

Minghao arrives at his place not long after, wearing a colourful sheer shirt and uncomfortably tight jeans, right around the time Chenle changes into ripped jeans and some branded t-shirt he doesn’t know. Chenle and Minghao greet each other like they’re already friends, but Junhui supposes that’s just the Chenle effect. He’d befriended Junhui mere minutes after first meeting him.

But as they set out and Chenle and Minghao get chatty, Junhui finds himself regretting inviting Minghao at all. That thought makes him feel guilty, which in turn is quickly dissipating his anticipation for the night. Minghao and Chenle have instantly connected in a way that makes him feel like a third wheel, trailing behind them on the street as they make their way into Itaewon.

“Minghao is really cool!” Chenle shouts to him as they enter their first nightclub, Minghao walking just ahead of them to greet Dejun, who seems glad to no longer be third-wheeling Yangyang and Renjun. Maybe he and Dejun will be the ones sticking together tonight after all.

“He is,” Junhui says pathetically, then feels a little more cheery when Dejun comes in for a friendly hug.

“First drinks are on me,” he says, raising a hand. “Come with me to get them, Minghao-ge?”

The way Yangyang and Renjun both watch Minghao as he goes with Dejun—two sets of eyes on his sheer shirt—makes Chenle snort a laugh at both of them.

“It’s not cheating if you both pick the same person at the same time, right?”

Renjun looks at him rather pitifully. “It’s not gay if you’re obsessed with Minghao in a bro way, right?”

Chenle’s mouth drops open. “I am not obsessed with him!”

“Um, yes you are. You’ve been talking about meeting him for weeks. You had actual stars in your eyes when you walked in just now.”

“I didn’t!”

“Are we here to dance, or are we here to argue about Minghao?” Yangyang says, wrapping an arm around Renjun’s waist. “Junhui, you want to dance with us?”

“Yes, dance with us. You look amazing, by the way,” Renjun says, looking him up and down in a way that makes Junhui spontaneously feel sweaty.

Yangyang suddenly looks less sure about having Junhui come and dance with them, but before anyone can say anything Dejun and Minghao come back with shots. The five of them knock them back together as Minghao sips on something colourful, then they all head out onto the dancefloor to the sound of something thick with bass.

He’s unsure at first what to do with himself, feeling awkward and nervous about moving in closer to the big crowds of people. But like with most things he’s done at university, he finds his rhythm by following Minghao’s lead, who is effortlessly confident in the way he follows the music. He’s unbothered by the number of people around them, and pulls in Junhui closer to encourage him to let go too.

He starts to loosen up after a little while, as Renjun and Dejun down drink after drink and get more loose-limbed and silly, and Chenle buys Junhui a drink or two more too. It is pretty fun when a song he knows comes on, and exciting when the rest of the club cheers and screams as something well-liked comes on. Chenle is dancing like he doesn’t care who sees, flailing his body to make Junhui laugh, cute little wiggles especially when he’s really liking the song. He can see the appeal of all this, even if doing it all night long does seem like too much.

The next club is less fun. He’s starting to feel dizzy from the drinks and this one is hotter, fuller, and louder. He’s pushed up against another member of their group every time he moves, and they lose Chenle pretty quickly to a group of much drunker guys and girls who hype him up loudly. Minghao comes to sit out with him after a while for a well-needed rest, and he’s surprised to see it’s already gone 3am.

Eventually Yangyang manages to drag Chenle out so that they can head to homo hill, and Chenle giggles and clings to him the whole way there.

“We’re dancing together, right? Where are we going, Trance? We’re dancing together, Junhui?”

“We’ll dance together,” he says, flushed with drink but not half as drunk as Chenle. He’s happy to support him all the way through Itaewon, enjoying how warm and clingy he is, burying his head against Junhui’s chest as they walk together.

“But you’re not dancing to attract me?” Chenle asks, and Junhui laughs out loud. Ahead of them, Trance comes into view, Renjun pulling Yangyang along impatiently.

“I thought you weren’t interested in guys?”

Chenle just laughs as they enter, and Junhui’s attention is immediately stolen by the amount of neon lights in the room, pinks and purples lighting up the walls and casting the nightclub-goers in fluorescent colour. He can see why the place is called Trance.

There’s something about being here that’s inherently more comfortable than the other clubs in a way he didn’t expect. It’s not like he walks around with GAY written across his forehead, but there’s always that undertone of fear that comes to being in close quarters with strangers, as if they might look into his soul and simply know he’s different from them. Here, he looks around at the men dancing with each other, the women who only have eyes for each other, and everyone in between who dances as they please. He hadn’t expected to feel accepted in a place he’d always thought of as inherently sexual, but being with a group of people he feels safe with helps. No one here treats him differently for who he is.

It’s easily the best club of the night, mostly because Chenle sticks to his word. When he feels anyone’s eyes on him, Chenle only pulls him closer and winks, laughing as he sways drunkenly. It makes Junhui laugh too, makes him feel secure to be with friends who are looking out for him.

They call it quits another hour or so later, trekking to an all-night ramyeon place Dejun insists he needs to eat at before they go back home. Junhui picks something that looks spicy and sits opposite Chenle, who is soft and drowsy now, but already eating his food well.

“Did you have fun?” Chenle asks as Junhui splits his chopsticks apart.

“I had fun,” Junhui affirms. “We didn’t stay out all night, though. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Chenle holds up his watch and squints at the screen. “It’s nearly 5am. By the time we get home the sun will be rising. That’s all night, baby.”

Yangyang slides in beside Chenle with his own bowl. “So? Did you get any numbers?”

“No,” Chenle says, side-eyeing him. “I came to have fun with my friends. Did you get any numbers?”

“No!” Yangyang says as Renjun sits beside Junhui, bowl coming down a little harder than necessary. “I’m here with my boyfriend!”

“So?” Chenle says, with a grin that says he’s enjoying inciting chaos. “Doesn’t stop people from giving you their number.”

“That reminds me—Yanan gave me his number to pass on to Renjun,” Minghao says, appearing at Yangyang’s other side. “I bumped into him in Trance, but he was too shy to say hi himself.”

Yangyang stares at Minghao, disbelieving. “What? Who’s Yanan?”

Renjun’s face takes on a small, pleased smile, and Dejun sits down on the other side of him, weary. “Yangyang, don’t say anything else. I don’t want to hear it. I just want to enjoy my ramyeon.”

Chenle is doing a very bad job at stifling his sniggers in the corner, and his elbow slips on the table so that he nearly faceplants into his bowl. Junhui catches his shoulder just in time, propping him up again, limbs all floppy with inebriation.

“Let’s all eat our soup,” Minghao says, the calm but firm voice of reason. “No more talking until all bowls are empty. Or else.”

When they’re all full and sleepy and calling out their goodbyes to each other, Junhui walks Chenle back to his dorm. He helps him punch in his code and follows close behind him up the stairs, anxious he might fall down, but they make it into his shared dorm room as quietly as possible. Chenle drops into his bed and rolls around until he’s under the sheets, and Junhui leaves him there with a smile on his face.

As he exits the building, he realises the sun is rising, just like Chenle had said. The morning is painted gold as he walks back to his own apartment, feeling a little more alive than yesterday.

Go out all night dancing

-

4. MAY

He’s thought a few times about editing Chenle’s list, because there are a few things on there he doesn’t really want to do. At all.

He just has this feeling that Chenle would know if he changed anything, and then Junhui would never hear the end of it. Besides, he trusts that Chenle wouldn’t actually force him to do anything.

So it’s fine, really. Or it would be, if he could figure out how to express this to Chenle. Instead, he’s watching him go through the dating app category of Junhui’s app store and download about six apps in one go. Going on a date is the least appealing of the whole list, because he has no desire for it. It’s not even something he can do socially with Chenle, so what’s the point?

“You don’t have to kiss them or anything, and you don’t have to go on a second date. It’s just one date for fun, you know? To see if you’re compatible. I would try and find you someone myself, but I don’t know any other gay people apart from Renjun, who would be a nightmare to date with Yangyang in the way. I guess I could ask him if he knows anyone. What’s your type?”

“Erm,” he says, stirring the hotpot on the table between them. “No one?”

Chenle gives him an unimpressed look. “Come on. Who was the last person you looked at and had squirmy sexy feelings for?”

“No one,” he says again. It’s not strictly true—back when he had that crush on Wonwoo from his third year technologies project, his brain would regularly betray him when he was supposed to be completing his part of the essay. He’s hot, there’s no denying it. But he doesn’t really want to get into that—his feelings around attraction are complicated, and sparse. “I’m, erm. I’m asexual, I think, so I don’t really get attracted to people like that. I don’t want to date anyone I don’t know.”

Chenle looks up at him again, putting his phone down. “What do you mean? Then who do you want to date? Your friends?”

“Someone I already like! Why would I want to meet new people on a date, that just sounds—I mean, it doesn’t make any sense, meeting new people is bad enough anyway—”

“So is there someone you already like?”

“No!” he says. The question makes him go warm in the cheeks even though it’s the truth. Wonwoo was the last person he liked, and Wonwoo graduated last year. “I just don’t like the idea of going on a date with a stranger. I don’t want to do that one.”

“Okay,” Chenle agrees, picking up his chopsticks and snatching up a piece of shrimp. He places the phone back down in front of Junhui. “Then let’s just go on a date, us two. So you can practice for when you do like someone.”

Junhui, who had also gone to pick up a bit of the leftover sausage, drops it before it can reach his lips. “What? Why?”

“Because if you don’t want to go on a date with a stranger, then we can improvise. Let’s arrange a double date with Renjun and Yangyang, and we can just copy what they’re doing.”

“But they’re already together, it’s different!” Junhui says, waving his hands around agitatedly. “Why would you want to do that?”

Chenle shrugs with a grin. “Seems fun! I’ll message Renjun now.”

“What are you going to tell him? That we want to go on a double date?”

“Exactly that,” Chenle says, chopsticks down to focus on what he’s typing. “The weather is getting kind of nice, do you want to do a picnic? I bet Renjun would like that, he’s the romantic type. Are you a romantic type?”

“I’m,” Junhui starts, hunching his shoulders as if to shield himself from Chenle’s incredible speed of decision-making. “Not? A romantic? I just want to have fun, I guess?”

“No problem,” Chenle says, matter-of-factly. “Renjun says he’d rather die than go on a double date with me, which means he’ll do it. Are you free next weekend?”

“I don’t have plans with Minghao,” he says weakly, which means he did have plans to binge a new web comic, but he doesn’t want to tell Chenle that and get a lecture about socialising with his friends while he’s still young.

“Great, we can do it then.” He goes back to typing on his phone for a moment, then puts it down to go in for the hot pot. “So what do you like in a guy? Do you need to be looked after, or are you the type to make the first move?”

Junhui splutters. “I’m—I don’t know why you’re asking that! You can barely take care of yourself!”

Chenle frowns at him. “I take offence to that! I’m a fully functioning adult!”

“You told me yesterday you went to the hairdressers without washing your hair for a week.”

“Yes, but I knew they would do it for me! That’s what I pay for!”

“You’re definitely not the one looking after anyone,” Junhui says, and Chenle starts giggling. “Let me bring our food, you can bring the blanket. You can do that, right?”

“I can do that!” Chenle insists. “I’m glad you’ve come around to dating me, I think it’ll be fun. I still don’t know if I’m your type, though. You’re being evasive.”

“I don’t have a type,” Junhui flushes. “I don’t know, I’ve liked boys with similar interests to me before. Like, gaming and stuff. I just get attached and want to hang around them all the time, know all their other interests and for them to be interested in me too. Then I realise I like them. Then I usually panic and never speak to them again.”

“You had me until the last bit,” Chenle says, pointing his chopsticks at him. “Ask me on the date, right now. You need the practice.”

“What?” Junhui asks, baffled. “The date you just asked me on?”

“I didn’t properly ask you out, I just arranged it. Now you have to ask me, or maybe I just won’t turn up and leave you there with Yangyang and Renjun.”

“No! Yangyang will kill me!”

Chenle starts to laugh, bending over the table with glee. “Renjun said he was interested in joining the ballet class you go to, you know. I had to tell Yangyang that it’s because you were talking about it the last time we met up, and he started asking questions about how often you go and who else goes. I don’t think it helped that Minghao-ge goes too.”

Junhui covers his face with his hands. “I know you said this is normal for them, but I really don’t want to go on a date with them alone.”

“Ask me then,” Chenle grins. “Come on.”

Junhui hunches himself in over his bowl, looking at the hotpot instead of at Chenle, bracing himself. “Chenle… um… I…”

“Nope, start over.”

He sits back, a little bit affronted. “I was getting there!”

“Then do it better!”

“Chenle,” he says putting his elbows on the table and looking at his ear. “D’you wanna go on a date?”

“You’re not convincing me,” Chenle says, snapping his fingers at where Junhui is looking. His eyes automatically revert to Chenle’s face, meeting his gaze, where his expression is mischievous and delighted. “One more time.”

“Chenle,” he says, going slower, nearly laughs looking into Chenle’s smiling eyes. “I really want to take you on a date, if you’d like to go for a picnic with me.”

“Because you’re in love with me,” Chenle adds.

“Because I’m—because I like you!” Junhui says, and Chenle starts to laugh, satisfied that he’d nearly lead Junhui into his trap.

“Good enough. Yes, I will go on a date with you, Wen Junhui. You’re very lucky to have me.”

Junhui is tempted to throw the rest of the sausage at Chenle’s head, but he honestly loves it when he’s the reason for Chenle’s laughter. He’d put himself through dozens of Chenle’s tasks and trials just to hear it—he’s already doing as much, after all.

He throws the tomato instead.

-

By the time the four of them arrive at the Han River, Renjun and Yangyang still haven’t clocked onto what Chenle’s doing.

They’d arrived at the bus stop to find the happy couple already holding hands, and Chenle had not-so-subtly come to a rest against the wall and reached out for Junhui’s hand too. He’d simply grinned at Junhui’s questioning look, nodding his head towards where Renjun was explaining to Yangyang the difference between classical dance and ballet, Yangyang nodding every now and then and swinging Renjun’s hand. Chenle started to swing their hands too, and Junhui had to purse his lips not to laugh while Chenle’s whole face had scrunched up with the effort to stay quiet.

On the bus, Yangyang had put his hand on Renjun’s thigh, and Chenle had done the same with Junhui. Junhui had nearly slapped him away, but with the hopes of not alerting Renjun and Yangyang he’d moved his arm over Junhui’s shoulders instead. Just a moment later, Yangyang had put his arm around Renjun’s shoulders, and Chenle made a cute little surprised face, pointing as if Junhui hadn’t obviously seen too.

“What are you two doing?” Renjun said, giving them a look. “What does that look mean? I don’t like it.”

“Nothing,” he and Chenle said at the same time, Junhui crossing one leg over the other. When it accidentally went too far and landed on Chenle’s leg, he’d snorted loudly. “We’re on our date.”

“I still don’t get why we’re going on a date together. Chenle explained the bucket list thing, but why does that you mean have to come out with us? Why did you have to go out with each other at all? Doesn’t it defeat the point if you’re both such losers you couldn’t get real dates anyway?”

Chenle gasped in mock offence. “A date is still a date, Renjun, even if I’m straight and Junhui is a loser. I’ll do whatever our little Junjun wants.”

“Little?” Junhui said, in real offence, at the same time as Yangyang’s fake-retch.

“Junjun,” he said, derisive.

Renjun gave him a look. “You call me that sometimes.”

“Yes, but it’s different when it’s you. It suits you.”

“It suits our little Junjun too!” Chenle had proclaimed, resting his cheek against Junhui’s shoulder.

When they step off the bus, Yangyang takes the picnic basket out of Renjun’s hand and replaces it with his own, which Renjun allows without complaint. Chenle takes a look at where Junhui is carrying their rucksack with the food in, then shakes his head, gesturing for Junhui to carry on. Junhui makes a face at him, and Chenle devolves into laughter again, pleased with himself.

The picnic itself goes down well, Junhui having prepared dumplings and packets of rice cakes and chicken fried rice in tupperware for the two of them. He’d packed plenty, accommodating for both him and Chenle having big appetites, but the extras end up getting eaten by Renjun and Yangyang before they can even reach the rice cakes. It turns out Yangyang had packed them a rather lacklustre picnic of store-bought sandwiches and dried fruit which quickly gets discarded.

Chenle tuts and shoots Yangyang a smirk when he sees it, hoovering up his portion of rice. “I can’t believe you got out-dated by Junhui. Maybe you should date him instead, Renjun. He cooks and everything.”

“Maybe I should,” Renjun says, eyes closed as he savours a mouthful. “This is so good. Do you cook often?”

Junhui nods, avoiding both Chenle’s delighted grin and Yangyang’s eyes boring into the side of his head. “I used to cook for my little brother a lot when my parents were at work. I’m best at Chinese cuisine.”

“You cook for Chenle a lot,” Yangyang remarks, shifting so he’s sitting slightly closer to Renjun. “Is that because he’s your date or because he’s your college son?”

“I told you, Junhui is my son now,” Chenle says. “He cooks for me because I ask him to.”

“We’re only on a date for today,” Junhui clarifies. “For the bucket list. It’s not even a date, really.”

Chenle punches his arm. “Don’t say that, or I’ll make you go on another date instead.”

“Never mind, I take it back! Didn’t you say I out-dated Yangyang?”

“You did,” Chenle coos, pinching Junhui’s cheek and leaning in. “Well done, baby, you passed this month’s task.”

“Why are you guys even doing this?” Renjun asks, brow furrowed. “What do you get if you do all twelve months?”

“Nothing,” Junhui laughs. “I’m just doing it anyway.”

“That’s not true!” Chenle says, voice high and loud. “You’ll get a rich life experience out of it! That’s the whole point—you have new friends now, and you can tell your mom you finally went on a date, and you’ll have been in the Seoul clubs and new restaurants, and hiked up Bukhansan and travelled and camped and dyed your hair and cooked new food and—”

“Okay, we get it. I’m sorry I asked,” Renjun says. “Shall we get up and walk along the river? I want to stretch my legs.”

“Sure,” Yangyang says, starting to shove their trash into the basket haphazardly as Junhui packs away his tubs. Chenle pouts from beside him.

“Do we have to? It’s too sunny, and I forgot my sunglasses.”

“You’re on a date, Chenle, put in some effort,” Renjun sighs, getting to his feet and carefully wiping off his hands. Yangyang stands with him, leaning in to wipe some food from his lip—Renjun stays still while he does, then quietly thanks him. Yangyang replies with a kiss to Renjun’s mouth before bending down to pick up their picnic blanket too.

Junhui looks away, feeling like he shouldn’t be watching them exchange affection like that. He finds Chenle’s gaze already on him, then realises Chenle is looking at his mouth, as if considering wiping it the way Yangyang did. The kiss replays behind his eyes, and Junhui stands at the same time as Chenle looks away.

“That way?” Junhui asks, just to say something.

“Sure,” Renjun nods, turning and leading the way with Yangyang. Chenle stands to walk next to Junhui, but Junhui points at the blanket he’s left behind on the grass.

“That’s your blanket,” he says, and Chenle blinks at him and then looks back.

“Oh yeah, it is,” Chenle says, pulling it from the ground carelessly. “Can I put it in your bag?”

“Sure.”

Chenle refuses to fold the blanket up properly, which leaves him wrestling and pushing to squeeze it into Junhui’s rucksack, nearly pulling him over in the process. By the time they’ve got the bag zipped up they’re laughing and berating each other, the odd moment forgotten.

When they finally set off walking, they’ve long since lost Renjun and Yangyang. Junhui doesn’t mind too much—the two of them are happy to amble along at their own pace.

Go on a date

-

5. JUNE

Chenle says something from behind him, but Junhui can’t hear it very well over the crinkle of Chenle’s vinyl gloves by his ears. He’s also a little distracted by the way his fingers are working purple dye into Junhui’s scalp, feeling like a pleased cat getting pets.

“What?”

“I said, we should go somewhere next month,” Chenle says, taking his hands away for a moment and speaking louder. “For July, I want to do one of the fun ones. Host a party, or camping with friends, or travel outside of Seoul…”

“Camping would be fun,” Junhui says. “At the start of the month, before it gets too hot.”

“We could go right after the semester ends,” Chenle agrees. “We’re not going to get a better time before you graduate. We could combine it with travelling outside of Seoul so we can see the stars.”

“That sounds nice,” he agrees, lax again now Chenle has gone back to running his hands through Junhui’s hair. “Are we going to invite the others?”

“Duh,” Chenle says, stepping back to assess his work. “I’ll ask Kun-ge where’s good to go, he knows those sorts of things.”

“Cool,” Junhui says, looking at Chenle in the mirror. Satisfied with his dye work, Chenle reaches out for the shower cap abandoned on the side and pulls it onto Junhui’s head, then laughs at the sight that makes. Junhui lets him laugh, pulling a face in the mirror, then picks up a towel to wrap it around his head right as Chenle’s phone timer goes off.

“Time to rinse. Will you help me?”

Junhui complies, sitting Chenle down on his vacated chair and encouraging him to tip his head back. Chenle screws his eyes shut as Junhui runs warm water over his newly blonde hair.

Junhui rinses his own half an hour later, and when he’s watched the purple swirl down the drain for long enough, he stands up straight to towel it off vigorously.

He steps out of the bathroom to see Chenle sitting at his kitchen table, tapping away at his phone. His hair is damp, falling in his eyes, but even like this the blonde looks incredible on him. It suits him so much it’s already hard to remember what his hair looked like an hour ago.

Chenle looks back at him, nodding his head with an approving turn to his mouth. “Looking good, little Junjun.”

He turns, catching sight of himself in the hallway mirror. The colour is a lot brighter than he thought it would be, but he likes that about it.

That’s what surprises him the most—that he enjoys something about himself being bright and attractive and flashy. It makes him feel confident, giddy. He’s smiling at himself without realising it, and in the reflection of the mirror, he sees Chenle watching him with a similar smile.

Dye your hair

-

6. JULY

They present the idea of a camping trip to everyone present at Junhui’s birthday meal, which consists of all of Chenle’s friends and Minghao. After getting distracted by Junhui’s hair more than once, he gets a conclusive yes from all seven of the others on top of Chenle and himself. As grateful as he is to now be celebrating with a whole group of people, the prospect of planning for a trip of nine makes him feel a little queasy.

Thankfully Chenle is surprisingly good at planning and Kun is extremely good at organising, and they do most of the legwork between them before the end of term. All Junhui has to do is pack a bag, and even that is a challenge for him. He’s never been camping before.

As they’re setting off, Chenle proudly tells him he’s managed to roll three of the bucket list points together for their trip, even if travelling outside of Seoul isn’t one of them. He won’t tell him which the third is—camping is obvious, since that’s the whole point, and the second becomes clear when they stop off at Bukhansan on the way there. Kun has happily planned for them all to hike up the trail while on the way to their campsite, and while Renjun and Chenle are enthusiastic to do so, Dejun looks panicked at the mere suggestion. But the route isn’t too long or too hard, so Dejun survives and they all get good pictures for Weibo.

They make it to Noeul campsite towards the evening, with two nights booked in for the whole group. It’s still bright and hot then, and they’re all sweaty from the hike, so Kun is the only one energised enough to start setting up tents.

“If we lie here for long enough he’ll set our tent up for us,” Chenle says from Junhui’s side, the two of them laid out in the grass.

“Isn’t setting up the tent an important part of camping?”

Chenle raises his head to squint his way. “Who told you that? No, getting Kun-ge to set up your tent for you is an important part of camping.”

Kun unfortunately hears that last part and comes over to mock-throttle Chenle. Chenle just laughs and continues to lie on the floor, and Kun is about as threatening as a teddy bear, so Chenle’s point is proven when Kun goes back to setting up the nearest tent.

“Why do you call the others Ge and not me?” Junhui asks after a moment. He doesn’t know why it hasn’t occurred to him before. “Should I be offended?”

“What? No,” Chenle says, sounding more offended at the suggestion. “I only call Sicheng Ge because he’s my real brother, and Kun because he feels like my real brother. The others are all older than me and I don’t use it with them. I don’t like it. Plus, you seem younger than me, if anything.”

Junhui squawks, which makes Chenle start giggling. “What do you mean, younger than you?”

“You know what I mean! Because I’m helping you do things, because you’re so cute and you don’t know common things. It’s not a criticism. I like that about you.”

He looks over at Junhui and winks at him—or more likely squints into the sun—then sits up and stretches his arms out. “I kind of want to explore the campsite. Wanna come?”

“Hey!” Kun shouts from where he and Sicheng are wrestling with Chenle’s and Junhui’s designated 2-man tent. “You’re going for a stroll now?”

“Yup,” Chenle says, saluting in his direction with a smug grin. “You’re doing a good job!”

The sun is on the precipice of setting as they snake through tents, heading for the park at the edge of the campsite. The field this side of it is semi-populated, with a group of people playing netball, a few bigger groups of people sunbathing on blankets and some couples taking walks along the river. They walk across the grassy field, heading towards a line of trees that crowd the river.

“I’m glad we made this list, you know,” Chenle says as they pass through the trees. “Who knows if we would’ve done this trip otherwise? We’re more motivated to do stuff when you and Kun are both graduating next year. Gotta do it while you old guys still have life in you.”

“Hey! Who are you calling old? I’m your son!”

“Yeah, my old son,” Chenle snickers. They come out of the other side of the trees, and Chenle opens his arms to show off the sight in front of them. A wide lake sits in a dip in the campsite, an empty golf course on the other side. The light kisses the water golden at this hour, and only a few other people are here; a group of girls swimming on the far left side, and a group of guys drinking not far away. He and Chenle head towards the right, the quiet side that’s shrouded by trees.

“Did you know this was here?” he asks, admiring the view.

“Yes,” Chenle says smugly. “You haven’t figured out the third thing yet, have you?”

Junhui looks at the lake in front of him, working it over and over in his mind. Only one item on the list requires a body of water. “Are we skinny dipping?” he asks, shocked. For some reason, he hadn’t thought Chenle would make arrangements for this one. “Here? Now?”

Chenle leads them through to a secluded area where the trees open up to the water. “It’s the perfect time for it. Still light enough when you get in, but it’ll be dark when we get out.”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to see my abs again!”

That surprises an affronted noise out of Chenle. “No! I added that to the list before I even knew you had abs! It’s just so hot, this is a good time to get naked and go swimming!”

“We could shower,” Junhui says as they come to a stop by the water’s edge. Chenle is already toeing off his shoes. “There’s a shower block two minutes away from our campsite.”

“Sure,” Chenle says, pulling down his jeans without hesitation and kicking them off his feet. “Or we could go swimming at sunset. Much better.”

“Skinny dipping, actually!”

“It’s just swimming the way nature intended it,” Chenle says, stripping off his shirt. “You don’t have to come, I won’t force you. But I’m going.”

With that he pulls down his boxers and leaves them in the grass, stepping out towards the water. Junhui tries to look anywhere but at where Chenle is naked in front of him, until he hears a splash big enough to confirm he’s submerged in the water.

Junhui steels himself to look over. The dying yellow sunlight backlights Chenle so that his shoulders are silhouetted, arms treading water, his side profile apparent as he looks over his shoulder at Junhui.

“Are you coming?”

He pauses, frozen in indecision, then sighs and pulls off his t-shirt in response. Chenle cheers from the water, and Junhui throws away his normal inhibitions to strip off as fast as he can and come splashing in after him.

This keeps happening around Chenle, and he doesn’t know how he does it. Junhui has been told he’s difficult to understand by so many people before—old classmates, teachers, relatives. Even Minghao had said something similar when they’d first been forging a friendship. So how does Chenle so effortlessly break through his walls?

“See, it’s good isn’t it?” Chenle says once Junhui is bobbing next to him in the water. “It’s cool, but not too cold. No clothes making you uncomfortable. Nothing to lose in the water.”

It is perfect for cooling off, and he had been feeling sticky and uncomfortably hot before. But being in the water with Chenle isn’t the most relaxing either. He doesn’t know where to look—he can’t stop glancing at Chenle’s bare shoulders, at the way water droplets cling to his eyebrows and eyelashes.

“It’s nice,” he says, lifting a hand out of the water to watch the water drip back down again. It’s surprisingly clear. “How long have you been planning ahead for this?”

“You make it sound like I did all this to get you naked,” Chenle says, amused. “I knew the lake was here, and it was good timing. I was so sweaty from Bukhansan, and it’s so warm today.”

“It’s going to be warm every day. It’s July.”

“Then maybe we should come back every day we’re here.”

Junhui swallows. “Sure. We can bring the others next time?”

Chenle looks at him for a moment, then treads an arm through the water leisurely. “Sure.”

A moment of quiet sits between them, Chenle’s hair dripping water. Junhui almost wants to take back his words, but his tongue feels heavy in his mouth. There’s an odd weight to his chest that feels foreboding.

“Race you to that big tree,” Chenle says, pointing at a huge willow along the edge of the lake.

“You’re on,” he says, relieved for the subject change. Chenle splashes Junhui once before ducking under the water, and Junhui splutters and laughs before diving in after him.

-

It’s warm enough that they wouldn’t really need the tent if not for the mosquitoes. They brave it for as long as they dare in order to lay outside on the grass, watching the night sky get darker.

“Did you mind it?” Chenle asks out of nowhere, as Junhui had been half-dozing off, listening to Minghao and Guanheng’s conversation from the next tent down.

“What?”

“Skinny dipping with me.”

“Oh. No. I never would’ve done it if you hadn’t asked, but I didn’t mind it. It was fun.”

It was. Even if he’d been hot in the ears afterwards, pulling dry clothes on his wet skin in the dark, the race had been fun. Splashing each other in the water had been fun. Seeing the lake at night—seeing Chenle swim under the sunset—had been fun.

“I think you’re cool, you know,” Chenle says after a pause.

Junhui looks over, brow furrowed. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Chenle says, a smile in his voice. “You’d never done anything like this before, but now you’re doing them all without backing out. That’s pretty cool.”

He hasn’t been thinking about it like that. He’s not sure how to articulate that it’s not really down to Junhui being open-minded or brave—it’s all down to Chenle’s magnetic pull, that magic he has that compels Junhui to do whatever he wants, to impress him and embed himself a little deeper under Chenle’s skin. He thinks he knows the name for it, but he’s not brave enough to admit it yet.

“Thanks,” he says instead. “You’re cool too. You know all these things… you’ve done them all before…”

“I haven’t done them all before,” Chenle interrupts. “I hadn’t done that before. But I’m glad we did.”

That’s a little surprising to him. Chenle seemed so comfortable in the water. “Me too, then.”

“Hm,” Chenle says, and rolls over to pat Junhui’s arm.

Junhui looks over to meet his gaze in the dark, can just see the shine of his eyes by the light of their lamp. They grin at each other before going back to looking at the dim city stars.

Take a trip to Bukhansan

Go camping with friends

Go skinny dipping

-

7. AUGUST

He does veto Chenle’s next suggestion from the list, because he has no interest in getting a tattoo, and that’s something he can’t just walk away from if he doesn’t like it. Permanent ink sitting in his skin makes him feel a bit wriggly, and Chenle sympathises quickly.

They easily come to a compromise for something similar he’s wanted for a while, but never had the courage to get. Choi Seungcheol had been a senior student in one of Junhui’s first year classes, and he’d had as many as six piercings in his ear sometimes, each in different places with different styles. Junhui had found himself very distracted in most of the classes with Seungcheol, because like a magpie with shiny things, he was keeping half his attention on the array of glinting metal in Seungcheol’s ear.

He doesn’t want that much to start with, but he’s wanted to get a piercing ever since. A simple stud in each lobe sounds like a good place to start.

The two of them pick out his earrings together—simple studs for the first six weeks, then he gets to buy some more interesting ones to change things up. Chenle wants him to get the studs with black gemstones in, but Junhui prefers the cheaper silver ones, even when Chenle offers to buy the black ones for him.

“Save them for my birthday,” he says, meaning for it to come out jokey, but he’s way more nervous than expected. His voice shakes, and he swallows after, avoiding Chenle’s eyes.

“I will,” Chenle says seriously, then reaches out and takes Junhui’s hand. “Sit down, she’s coming back.”

Chenle doesn’t let go of his hand as the jeweller comes back over with needle, talking to him gently as she puts the needle to his earlobe. It doesn’t hurt as much as he expects, but he still jolts as it goes in, which makes Chenle squeeze his hand before making space for her to reach his other ear.

It’s over quicker than he expected, and Junhui sits for a minute to gather himself as Chenle goes over to ask about the black earrings. By the time he feels steady enough to join Chenle, it’s to find he’s bought the earrings and paid for the piercing appointment at the same time.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Junhui says, surprised. He knows Chenle isn’t strapped for cash, but he wasn’t expecting Chenle to pay for it just because it was on his bucket list.

“I know,” he says, waving the earrings at him before putting them in his bag. “I thought I might as well. Besides, you can still pay for me in return. I want to go to the arcade.”

“The arcade?” he says, and only then realises they’re heading through the mall to where the arcade is. He doesn’t even remember leaving the jewellers. His earlobes feel warm, and he’s very tempted to fiddle with the studs even though he was told not to.

“Duh. I’m not going to let you sit around and overthink this. I want to beat you on a racing game, and a shooting game. And the bumper cars.”

“I wasn’t going to overthink it!” Junhui exclaims, but he finds he’s grateful anyway. The arcade is a good reward for going through with the piercings (and everything else on the list so far).

“Well now you definitely won’t,” Chenle says, grabbing his arm to pull him into the giant arcade, which is fairly clear at this time of day. “Listen, you have to keep trying at the claw machines until you win one of those white dogs in there, okay? I want one.”

When Junhui wins the dog teddy—only six attempts in!—Chenle screeches in his ear and raises his arms, and one of his sleeves gets caught on Junhui’s new piercing. He yelps, and Chenle carefully pulls the sleeve away from his ear, then pats his neck several times and coos about his little Junjun being hurt. But by the way he nearly forgets about the toy until they go to move away from it, Junhui can tell he was genuinely concerned.

Chenle carries the little white dog around under his arm until they leave, and then all the way home, and then places her on his pillow to send Junhui a picture before bed. It gives Junhui that feeling the whole time—that magnetic, almost painful pull that sits in his chest. Ordinary Chenle behaviour is making him feel like that a lot more often these days.

As much as he likes Chenle, and as much as he’s excited to like someone again, it’s disappointing he’s gone and fallen for another straight guy. Not that he minds them staying friends—what they have now is the best friendship he’s ever had. He’s having fun, and he treasures having Chenle in his life. It would be greedy to ask for more.

As long as he stops himself from wanting more, he can live like this. Orbiting around Chenle’s magnetic pull for as long as he can.

Get a tattoo/piercing

-

8. SEPTEMBER

Chenle sends him a three-minute long voicenote in the first week of September, ranting about a professor who had given him a grade low enough to skew his whole average for the year. This is significant because he’s never received a voicenote from Chenle before, and he’s never heard him sound so truly pissed before, either.

Chenle isn’t a bad student, always studying hard where it counts, but the performing arts are incredibly competitive. He’s heard first hand from Minghao and Renjun how tough they can be. Sometimes the will of a teacher doesn’t go in your favour, and that’s just how it is. In Chenle’s case, he’s going to have to work extra hard to make up for it.

Junhui sends him a message back to come over to his place once his classes are over, then abandons his own research to start searching his cupboards for ingredients and sauces. He’s been stockpiling recipes for weeks now, waiting for the opportunity to cook something for Chenle as part of their bucket list. He’d been hoping to make it something extravagant, semi-challenging, maybe something Chenle really likes and has been missing… but Chenle has already replied to say he’ll be there in an hour.

He’s going to have to make do with what he has.

He puts on his Eric Chou playlist and gets to work, going through his recipes to find the best match for the ingredients he has. He eventually settles on a risotto, and even then the ingredients don’t perfectly match up—he’s going to have to get creative with his ginger and eggplant to make up the difference.

Chenle arrives earlier than expected, entering without knocking and dumping his bag against the wall. “You did a good job being brainy,” he says instead of a greeting, sitting down heavily in the middle of his floor. “I bet there’s nothing to be picky about in engineering. If you get it right, then it’s right.”

“That’s the best part,” Junhui agrees, adding another ladle of stock to his pan before turning back to look at Chenle. “But at least you can just work at what you do until you improve. If you hit a wall in engineering, it can be impossible to overcome.”

“You say that, but going to uni for a creative subject and still enjoying it afterwards feels impossible,” Chenle mutters. He suddenly perks up as he notices what Junhui is doing for the first time. “What are you making? It doesn’t smell like your usual dishes.”

“I’m cooking something new,” he says, picking his phone up and waving it by way of explanation. “For you. For September. Do you like risotto?”

Chenle scrambles to his feet, bounding over to peer at the pan. “Did you plan this?”

“Only since you sent me that message.”

“Huh,” Chenle says, canines poking out as his mouth begins to smile—less bright than his usual, but a smile nonetheless. “Thanks. I do like risotto.”

“No problem,” Junhui says, poking at the rice with his ladle for something to do. “Could you set the table?”

Chenle sets about getting the chopsticks and bowls out of his drawers, setting up the low table in his tiny living space. It doesn’t take much longer for the risotto to be done, and Junhui pulls some kimchi out of the fridge to go with it, leftovers Kun had sent him home with when studying together the day before.

“Do you really feel like that?” Junhui asks as they’re each serving themselves. He wonders for a moment if he should’ve done something else to go with it—Chenle is of the belief that a fried egg goes with anything, and they often have eggs with things to test that theory—but he feels more at ease when Chenle takes his first bite and sighs with satisfaction.

“Like what?” he asks, mouth full.

“Like you’ll hate music when you’ve finished studying.”

“Hm,” Chenle says, going for another scoop of rice. “This is really nice, by the way. I don’t think I’ll hate it, but I think studying something too hard changes the way you see it, no matter how much you love it. Music isn’t something I do for love anymore, it’s something I do for work. And it’s work I have to do if I want to get better, but some days that really sucks. I wouldn’t change my decision to study when this will help me be a better musician, but… I wish I could keep the feeling I had then.”

“What was that feeling?”

“Like…” Chenle looks up at Junhui’s ceiling thoughtfully. “Like I could do anything or make anything, and it would make me happy. And it would be good to do that, because it could be creative and fun, and those are the things we should try to do with our lives, right? But now, when you know how hard it is to be original, how hard it is to do something good that makes other people feel that way too—I don’t think I’ll be able to see it like that again. But maybe it was a childish way of viewing music, anyway.”

Junhui mulls over that while chewing a mouthful of rice. “But do you do music for love, or because you want to get better at it?”

“Definitely both. Right now wanting to be better is outweighing love, which isn’t so fun when you feel like you’re not getting better. But the next time I get a break from studying, I’ll be back to love. I’ll love it and I’ll be better at it, so it’ll all be worth it by then.”

Junhui swallows his food. “We’re different in that way. I can’t understand that.”

Chenle looks up at him, soft blond hair in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve always done things to get better at them. I don’t do things for love.”

“Bullshit. You have passion, you must. Everyone has passion.”

“Not for the things I do. I do them to be better.”

“You love things, though. You love your shows and your webcomics and things.”

“Yes, but they’re not skills or knowledge. They’re just silly things I like.”

“They’re your hobbies. They count,” Chenle says, pointing at him with the chopsticks. “Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t allowed to love them.”

Junhui ducks his head. He’s not sure those things really count as love, but he’s not about to argue with Chenle.

“Where does the bucket list fall? Is it love, improvement, or just because I’ve coerced you into it and you don’t know how to say no?”

Junhui coughs, picking up his bowl to serve himself some more risotto. “All of the above?”

Chenle laughs. “Then I hope you come out of it feeling love, improvement, and knowing how to say no to things.”

“I will. And you’ll come out of it with arcade toys and risotto,” Junhui says, and Chenle laughs again.

They put a movie on together after dinner, laying out on Junhui’s bed mat, Junhui propped up on one elbow to see the screen. When his arm starts to ache, he ends up laid on his side, watching half of the screen and half of Chenle’s face. Chenle rolls over to face him when he slips down, frowns at him, then wordlessly drags him over by the shoulders until he’s propped up on Chenle’s chest.

His heart constricts at the feeling, then he breathes out slowly to ease it. Chenle starts to pat his hair gently, and Junhui wonders again how he managed this. Every time he sees Chenle, that pulling feeling intensifies, Chenle’s gravity almost pulling him apart. It’s starting to scare him.

He refocuses on the movie, and waits for the feeling to pass.

Cook something new (for Chenle)

-

9. OCTOBER

“Junhui, this isn’t a party.”

“Why not?” Junhui says, placing a six pack of coke down at Yangyang’s feet, who cheers.

“I think it’s a party!” he says, in the process of passing Renjun another cushion, his boyfriend tucked up under Junhui’s blanket in the corner. Kun has been busy making him a bowl of wonton soup in the kitchen since he’d arrived, because despite having a cold, he’d insisted on being here with the rest of them so as not to miss out.

“When I put hosting a party on your list I was thinking of music and dancing and drinking,” Chenle says, coming over to lie himself in Sicheng’s lap on the floor. Junhui’s space is so small it shouldn’t really fit nine people, but with some squeezing and compromise they make it work. “Not having the guys around for Mario Party.”

“Aha! You said party in that sentence!” Yangyang points out. “It’s a party!”

The Mario Party title screen waits innocuously on his little television, hooked up to Guanheng’s switch. Chenle is the last to arrive.

“I think if I tried to fit any more people in here we would start to suffocate,” Junhui says, going back to his fridge again, this time for the soju. “Here, look, I have drinks! And we have music, and if you really want to you can dance. So it’s a party, right?”

Chenle gives him a slow, cattish grin from the floor. “Okay, sure. It’s a party.”

“Trust me, he would never have done this before,” Minghao says from the corner. “It should count towards the bucket list.”

“Only because he didn’t know this many people before,” Chenle refutes. “But fine. I’ll allow it.”

Drinks are passed around, a new game is loaded up, and teams are argued over for several minutes before the group settles and they begin to play. Sicheng and Chenle are on one team, Junhui and Minghao on another, Kun and Guanheng for the third and Dejun and Yangyang as the last, with Renjun happy to sit and backseat game for Yangyang and Dejun’s team.

They set a punishment and a prize ahead of time, which makes everyone competitive from the get go, especially Chenle. Junhui is sure his apartment has never been this noisy before, and it gets warm very quickly, but that’s not such a bad thing at the end of October.

In the end, being on Sicheng’s team is his downfall, and Chenle’s team loses the game. Dejun and Yangyang’s team gleefully claims the winning prize of Kun’s leftover mooncakes, despite a shaky mini-game where Renjun had wanted to play and managed to tank their coins in doing so.

“I’m not playing anymore,” Chenle insists, turning around to sit with his back to the group.

“No, Chenle, you have to do the punishment!” Guanheng says with glee.

“I’m not doing it! It’s not my fault we lost!”

“It’s just aegyo,” Sicheng says, which fires Chenle up enough he turns back around again.

“Just aegyo!” he scoffs. “I’m not good at aegyo, I don’t want to do it.”

“You have to,” Junhui says. “You were the one who decided on it!”

“But it’s not my fault!” Chenle insists, and Junhui can’t help but think it’s like he’s already doing the aegyo—the way he’s pouting and whining and pointing at Sicheng to get his point across is very cute.

“Look, you can be on my team next time and we’ll win,” Yangyang says. “But we can’t start the next game until this is done.” He gestures for Chenle to take it away.

Chenle cross his arms, face set in stubborn discomfort. Beside him, Sicheng swiftly fulfils his punishment by poking his cheek and whining a little, and Kun actually squeals and turns away from the sight.

“Look, Chenle, let’s do this one,” Junhui says, showing him a set of hearts he’d learned from the time he’d been sat next to Boo Seungkwan at one of Minghao’s dance recitals. A technical issue had delayed the performances by thirty minutes, and Seungkwan had spent the whole time showing Junhui videos of a girl group he liked, despite the fact that they’d never spoken a word to each other before then. He hears from Minghao that Seungkwan still occasionally asks after him now.

Junhui tilts his head cutely as he makes hearts with his fingertips, fingers, hands, wrists and then arms over his head, and Minghao beside him covers his eyes at the sight. Chenle’s expression clears considerably, and he’s smiling again but still embarrassed about doing it himself, making two aborted movements to follow Junhui’s aegyo set.

“Come on,” he says, holding his fingers above his head as cute cat ears. “You can do it!”

Chenle follows after him with clumsier hearts, but the other guys in the room coo and cheer for him, leaving him pink in the face and laughing by the time he’s done.

“Alright, another game!” Kun announces, taking pity on Chenle. “Junhui, do you want to be on my team?”

“No, I want to be with Junhui,” Chenle says immediately, crawling over to grab onto Junhui’s leg, claiming him for his partner.

“Okay,” Junhui says, unable to stop himself from grinning. “Then I’m picking Goomba for our character. Look, he looks like you.”

Guanheng bursts into laughter as Renjun vocally agrees with Junhui. Chenle blinks at him a few times, then starts to laugh too. He shrugs, selects Goomba as their character, and settles back down in Junhui’s lap.

The two of them share a secret smile as the others start to bicker over their own groups, and Chenle stays in Junhui’s lap until the next game begins.

Host a party

-

10. NOVEMBER

On his birthday, Chenle treats the whole group to a meal at Lay’s before they go out for the night. He’s past tipsy and halfway to drunk before they even leave the meal.

“I still don’t know if I’m your type!” he shouts in Junhui’s ear a few hours and several drinks into the night, when Junhui is just starting to feel a little buzzed. He keeps sobering up every time they step outside into the cold, moving from restaurant to bar to club.

“What?” he asks, sure he’s misunderstood.

“When we went on the date,” Chenle says, one hand on Junhui’s shoulder to lean in and be heard over the music. It’s confusingly semi-dark in here, with lots of flashing lights moving to the techno music being played. “I asked you twice, but you just said you like people that you know, who like similar things to you. So am I your type?”

Junhui turns his head to look at Chenle’s face. He’s pink-cheeked, but sporting a toothy smile. “You do fit the bill,” Junhui says, not loud enough to be heard, but Chenle is watching his mouth and seems to understand what he says.

“Nice,” he says, then goes back to waving his arms around like he doesn’t have a care in the world, a pleased smile on his face.

Junhui lingers with Minghao then Renjun then Dejun for a while after that, not sure what to think. Chenle says strange things when he’s drunk.

An hour or two later, Renjun seems to convince the group they should head over to Trance, where Chenle is met with another round of drinks and a gift of candy from someone or other. Chenle sticks the candy in his pocket and hands Junhui a glass, and then it’s impossible to shake him after that, because Chenle is still sharp enough to know where they are, and what that means.

“Junhui,” he says, pulling him in to dance with him, one hand on Junhui’s hip. He’s a head shorter than Junhui, but it doesn’t deter him at all from leaning up and dancing close. “Do you… would you kiss?”

“What?” he says, ducking down to hear better.

“Kissing!” Chenle shouts at him. “Do you do it?”

Junhui gives an awkward sort of shrug. He can count on one hand the amount of people he’s had any interested in kissing, and one of them is standing right in front of him. “Why?”

Chenle moves his head vaguely, then looks away, giving a shrug of his own. Junhui follows his line of sight to see Kun not far away from them, dancing comfortably with someone he’s never seen before. They’re already looking back at Junhui, whoever they are, giving him a smile as Junhui awkwardly waves his hand.

“That’s Ten,” Chenle blurts. “He’s Kun’s friend.”

“Okay,” he says, and a slightly alarming thought occurs to him. “Is that why you were asking me about kissing?”

“What?” Chenle shouts back, face scrunching up in cute confusion.

“Kissing a stranger,” he says back into Chenle’s ear. “It’s one of the only things left on the list.”

Chenle’s face contorts again. “I’m not going to make you do it,” he says, words running together as he leans in to speak to Junhui. “You don’t have to do it, I’m not the type of person to make you do that.”

Junhui leans out only to find that Ten is making his way over to them, greeting Chenle by leaning in and talking in his ear, then leaning over to Junhui.

“I’m Ten,” he says into Junhui’s ear, and up close he’s kind of terrifying to look at, a face that’s too perfect and eyes that are too sharp, the glitter on his lids making him look slightly unreal.

“Hi,” he says, then balks when Ten leans in close to hear him better. “Junhui.”

Chenle is looking between them in an odd way, his face stuck somewhere between disbelief and confusion. “Are you here to kiss him?” he asks, and Ten’s smile turns even sharper.

“Am I?” he asks, turning an amused eyebrow to Junhui.

He wasn’t planning on it, but, well. If Chenle wants it, who is he to say no?

Junhui laughs a little nervously. “If you want to?”

Ten makes a face like he finds that funny. “Sure.”

Then he leans in and kisses Junhui. Junhui has never kissed anyone before, and when he meets Ten’s mouth—the other boy’s mouth slightly open, head tilted to the side, lazy and so immediately intense—he remembers why.

He pulls back after just a few seconds, Ten raising his eyebrows at him, though he doesn’t look too offended. He looks over to Chenle, who’s staring at them with a sort of blank shock, lights passing over his face as he stands still in the crowd.

“Sorry,” he says, looking back at Ten, shaking his head. Ten just shrugs, easy.

“You want to dance instead?”

He nod with a sheepish smile. It’s not that Ten was bad—just that Junhui has no interest in him. It feels wrong to give that much intimacy to someone he doesn’t know. He’s even more sure now that he only wants to do that with someone who really matters.

He looks back to Chenle. The place he was just standing is now vacant.

“He went outside,” Kun’s voice says from behind him, and Junhui whirls around. “For air, I think.”

“Thanks,” he says, then turns back to Ten. He feels bad about refusing to kiss him and then leaving him on the dance floor, but he really wants to see if Chenle is alright.

Thankfully he seems preoccupied enough, as Kun sidles up to him and puts a hand on his waist. Junhui slips away from them, passing Yangyang on his way out of the club and letting him know where he’s going.

He finds Chenle sat outside, in an empty little seating area out back. He’s slumped on a bench against the wall of the club, looking up at the black sky, breath coming out white in the cold night air. When Junhui comes over to sit next to him, Chenle looks over belatedly, then sighs.

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Yeah,” Junhui says. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Chenle slurs, bringing his legs up onto the bench seat and curling himself up small. “I’m just drunk.”

“Your mood really dropped?” he says, half a question. He’s never seen Chenle like this, and it seems to have come out of nowhere.

“I just feel sick,” Chenle says in a quiet voice. “Drank too much.”

“Do you want to go home?” Junhui asks. “I can walk you back. The fresh air might help.”

Chenle looks over at him with an expression he doesn’t understand. Then he shakes his head. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you inside?”

The mood is off. He can’t understand why—did Chenle feel uncomfortable watching him kiss another guy?

“Come in soon?” he says, not wanting to linger where he’s clearly not wanted, but not wanting to leave Chenle alone either.

“Yeah,” Chenle says, going back to looking out at the sky, eyes unfocused.

Junhui goes back inside. He finds Minghao, dances with him for a little while, but can’t really enjoy it. He’d cut his shirt a little short today, just to see if Chenle would notice and comment on it, showing a sliver of his belly. Now he just feels silly and self-conscious.

Junhui feels as though he’s glancing at the entrance every few seconds, but somehow he still misses Chenle leaving. When Kun rounds them all up half an hour later, he tells Junhui that Chenle had already gone home early with Sicheng, feeling unwell.

“That’s too bad,” Dejun says as they’re waiting for the Uber home. “He really was drinking too much, though, especially if he’s not well.”

Junhui goes home feeling heavy. He sends Chenle a text telling him to feel better before he goes to bed, then stares at his phone screen uselessly for a while before falling to sleep himself.

Kiss a stranger

-

11. DECEMBER

Every year, the university organises a trip away over the Christmas period. Junhui has only ever been to the one Minghao insisted he come to in third year, which was a professional ballet show at the National Theatre. It hadn’t been the most popular of all the organised trips, but Junhui had been glad Minghao had forced him along—it had encouraged him to practice dance harder, and to admire the art form even more than before.

This year’s destination is the much more popular trip to Everland, and Chenle had been the one to insist he go, because theme parks are fun and everyone else is going and you don’t want to be at home on your own at Christmas, do you?

He’d agreed because he can use it to check off the ‘travel outside Seoul’ box on his list, but mostly because he’s weak to what Chenle asks of him, as always. Chenle had actually booked a hotel room for the two of them right outside the park, because he’d declared he wanted to stay there for as long as the park is open, until late into the night.

The only problem is that this was months ago, and for the weeks after Chenle’s birthday outing he becomes distant and quiet. Junhui barely hears from him, and goes without seeing him for the longest time since they’d first met.

It reaches the point of feeling he’s lost the only friend he’s ever really made for himself, resigning himself to studying and studying and studying to stay away from that thought. He doesn’t think about Christmas or the trip or whether Chenle will want to see him anymore, and he doesn’t think about Chenle’s face after he’d kissed Ten, and he doesn’t think about the worst case scenario where this is all his fault, and he’s messed up everything after all.

Then the end-of-year period takes up enough of his attention that he doesn’t notice even more time passing, but he does notice his friends checking in on him as he talks less and less in the group chat. Renjun and Yangyang come around a few times, and Kun studies with him to make sure he takes breaks, and Minghao walks with him to the shop or to the library or to classes. Someone must tell Chenle that he’s having a hard time of it, because even he sends a few generic check-in messages, which only make Junhui feel worse.

Then final exams pass all at once, and it’s December 20^th before he knows it, and it feels as though a weight has been lifted from his chest. Even more so when Chenle comes around after his own exams are over, hugs Junhui and tells him he’d missed him, that exams were horrible but he’d survived thinking about the Everland trip.

All of a sudden, Junhui’s life reverts to the way it was before. After one meal with Chenle, it’s like nothing ever changed. And so the Everland trip goes ahead.

All of their friends are coming on the trip too, scrambling to claim several seats near to each other on the coach; everyone is appropriately bundled up in scarves and gloves and huge coats for the day, with Seoul covered in snow upon snow as they depart. Chenle worries out loud several times that the trip will be cancelled for weather concerns, but miraculously it goes ahead without so much as a warning.

The others in the group are shocked to find out that Junhui has never visited a theme park before, aside from Minghao, who is years past being surprised by Junhui’s sheltered life. The two of them share a knowing look as Chenle starts on a long explanation about the types of rides he can go on, the ones he likes best, and the ones he hopes Junhui will like.

“He’s good for you,” Minghao murmurs into Junhui’s ear when they’re all getting off the bus together.

Junhui turns back to look at him, about to ask what he means. Then he thinks better of it—he knows exactly what he means.

“I know,” he says, following Chenle outside to find him cheering and jumping up and down at the sight of the Everland gates.

There’s a huge Christmas tree stood just inside the entrance, looking especially festive surrounded by the layer of snow, the Christmas decorations and lights out in full force too. They’re switched on even though it’s a bright white morning, casting faint red and green glows along the fences and walls.

Some of the rides are closed for safety concerns, but nothing can dampen Chenle’s excitement. His good mood lifts everyone else’s spirits too, even as Renjun shivers in the queues and Sicheng wanders off with Dejun because neither of them like big rides. Junhui’s own nerves at facing such huge rides are distracted by Chenle’s gushing excitement, and he successfully rides the Thunder Falls without giving away his fears. Chenle is screaming with glee, hands in the air as they come down the slope at speed, and Junhui lets go of his own inhibitions to do the same.

The group splits off after that, half of them interested in the huge T-Express rollercoaster, the other half more interested in the tamer activities available. From there they keep getting divided until it’s just him and Chenle, eating hot dogs in the evening as they watch the night parade to pass through the park, dancers and performers adorned with coloured lights being watched by excitable children and groups of young adults.

Snow starts to fall as they make their way out of the park at closing time, the Christmas decorations washing everything in twinkling colours.

“How was it?” Chenle asks, still smiley despite their long, tiring day. They’re the last two left here, with the rest of their friendship group getting the coach back after dinner. “Your first theme park?”

“The best,” Junhui says. Because I was with you, he wants to add, but doesn’t want to be too much. Not after Chenle just came back to him. “This is the best one we’ve done on the list so far.”

“I would’ve made you do this even if it wasn’t on the list,” Chenle says. “You can’t miss a discounted trip to a theme park.”

“We wouldn’t be friends if we didn’t have the list,” Junhui points out, and Chenle turns to look at him as he leads them down the road.

“You think?” he asks, falling into step with him, scarf tucked up to his chin. “Then when we finish the list, will we have to make another one to stay friends?”

Junhui laughs for a moment, then feels a little nervous. Will they? “We can do that. There will be a different list for graduated adult life, right?”

“We don’t need to,” Chenle says easily. “But we can. You still have a lot left to learn, my baby.”

Junhui laughs again, this time out of surprise. “I thought I was your son?”

Chenle pulls a face. “Baby is better.”

They reach the hotel only for Junhui to realise how ridiculously fancy it is, with its own doorman and thick carpets and sparking mirrors set up in a marble lobby. He’s never been anywhere this nice in his life. Chenle had insisted Junhui shouldn’t pay since he’s only staying to keep Chenle company, but now he’s feeling bad about not pulling his weight.

He feels less guilty when they arrive at their shared room to find there’s only one bed.

Chenle doesn’t laugh the way he expects him to when Junhui points this out. He just looks at Junhui, then drops his overnight bag by the bed and starfishes on it, eyes closed.

“It’s big enough for both of us,” he says. Even with his arms out, he doesn’t reach the full way across the bed. “We’ll be fine.”

Chenle heads for a shower after that, so Junhui potters about the room, trying all the different light switches to see what they do and checking how many channels are on the television and fiddling with the switches on the fake fire until it bursts into life. He leaves it going as he stands at the wide, tall windows, looking out on a glowing city.

“Are we going to be making lists forever?” Chenle’s voice asks from behind him, and Junhui turns to see a wet-haired Chenle in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants emerging from the bathroom. “Like, if we want to be friends until we’re old, will we have to make new lists every year? When we’re seventy we’ll have done everything possible. We’ll be left with things like, play Ludo beside the Han river, meditate in a forest with Minghao’s tea set, learn how to write all 50,000 Chinese characters in Zhenshu calligraphy.”

“It would make plenty of good stories,” Junhui says. “You’ll have had me kiss everyone we know by then.”

Chenle blinks a few times at the mention of his birthday party, sitting down on the bed and vigorously towelling his hair off. Then he throws the towel away from him and lays back on the bed, still dripping water. “I hope you didn’t feel pressured to do that, or anything.”

“What, kiss Ten?”

“Yeah. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Because you’re asexual, or whatever.”

“He was fine when I wanted to stop,” Junhui says a little awkwardly. A serious tone has settled over the conversation, which is unusual for them. “If anything, it made me even more sure I’m ace, and I’m fine with that. You didn’t pressure me.”

Chenle nods, playing with his fingers. “Good.”

“That isn’t what upset you, is it?” Junhui asks, heart thudding in his chest at his own daring. Until this point, he thought he was willing to let Chenle’s month-long distance slide.

“What?” Chenle says, head jerking. “No. Well, kind of? Only a bit. It’s fine, it’s nothing. I’m sorry I was weird for a while.”

“That’s okay,” Junhui is quick to reassure. “As long as you’re okay now, and I didn’t do anything to upset you.”

“You’re fine, we’re okay,” Chenle says, then reaches out for Junhui with grabby hands. “Come here.”

Junhui comes over obediently, rolling onto the bed to lie next to him. Chenle immediately scoots over until he can wrap his arms around Junhui, causing him to laugh, and he can feel Chenle smile into his shoulder.

“We will actually stay friends, right?” he asks. There’s an edge of insecurity he’s never heard in Chenle’s voice before—the sound of something withheld, which is strange for Chenle.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t we?”

“You’re graduating in like, one month,” Chenle pouts. “Will you even stay in Korea?”

“I don’t know yet,” Junhui confesses. “There will be work for me here or back home, I just need to decide where I want to go. I’ve been away from home for so long I do want to go back again, but I have more of a life here, now. I don’t know. I’ve just been focusing on graduating until this point.”

“It’s not long now,” Chenle says quietly. “Even if you move back to China, I’m going to keep giving you lists. I can’t let you become a loser again. Not on my watch.”

That surprises a laugh out of Junhui. “I thought you said I was cool?”

“Yeah, because you’re doing my lists,” Chenle says, a smile in his voice, his breath creating a warm patch on Junhui’s t-shirt. “It’s an instant qualification, but you also lose it instantly when you’re not doing them.”

“I’d better keep doing them, then,” Junhui says, a smile on his own face.

“That’s right,” Chenle says, patting his side comfortably. “I’ll be keeping my eye on you, Wen Junhui. No matter where you are.”

Travel outside of Seoul

-

The most exciting thing to happen in the days following Everland—aside the reinstatement of his and Chenle’s friendship—is Junhui receiving his invite to Kun’s infamous New Year’s Eve party, which doubles as a birthday party as soon as the clock strikes midnight.

It’s a much bigger party than any Junhui’s been to before. Kun seems to be friends with every student at the University, and he’s invited about as many people as can fit inside his house. Somehow it’s more intimate than dancing in a club, where the other people are faceless and nameless outside of his friends. Here, Minghao is socialising with other people, Chenle seems to be socialising with everyone, and Junhui only knows his group of friends. Despite branching out so much this year, the party makes him realise his world is still incredibly small.

But while Chenle and Minghao are busy the others stay with him, make sure he’s not left alone. Because he feels safe with them, he drinks more freely than ever before, and soon enough gets into the rhythm of enjoying himself even in such an extroverted setting.

Renjun and Yangyang arrive an hour or two late to the party, but are quick to locate Kun, pass off a birthday gift, then take shots as Dejun, Guanheng and Junhui cheer them on.

“I wouldn’t let Yangyang come until he’d submitted his last assignment,” Renjun explains. “Which meant I couldn’t come either, too busy babysitting him.”

“You drive him hard,” Junhui says, leaning down to talk in his ear over the loud music.

“It’s for his own good,” Renjun says, shaking his head knowingly. “If he had to redo the year I’d have to break up with him. I can’t be dating someone in the year below me.” He peers between Minghao and Sicheng as he speaks, looking around. “Speaking of, where’s Chenle? You guys didn’t fight again, did you?”

“What? No, he’s just over there with someone from his classes.”

Renjun stretches up on his tip toes to see through the crowd. “Oh, Minjeong. Okay, good.”

“When did we fight before?” he asks, uncertain. Has Chenle been telling people they’d fought?

“Oh, I don’t—sorry, I just assumed that’s what happened this last month. Before Everland, at least. He was being really weird about socialising in general for a while, and I thought maybe something had happened between you two. He kept asking about you, but refusing to see you himself.”

His heart sinks to his stomach. He knew the weirdness hadn’t just been down to the exams period, and Chenle being worried about what happened at his birthday—he’s so sure there’s something else that has been going on with Chenle. Junhui can only hope it’s nothing he’s done—but it seems to be about him, either way.

“We didn’t fight,” Junhui says softly, looking over at Chenle again. He’s got a drink in hand, laughter loud as he talks animatedly with a small group of people.

“Well, whatever happened, I’m glad you guys got over it,” Renjun says, patting Junhui’s arm. “You want to dance?”

The two of them dance for a little while, but Junhui’s mood has been well and truly dampened. Now that Renjun has asked that question, he’s second guessing himself—has Chenle been avoiding him tonight? He doesn’t feel as though he’s seen him as much as his other friends, but he’d put that down to Chenle seemingly knowing everyone. Is he still upset over whatever his issue is? Was Everland an exception to what their friendship is going to be now—avoidances and weird distance?

He ends up sitting on the sofa, wondering if he should just go home and give Chenle space. Minghao finds him there after a short while, sitting with him and patting his leg.

“You doing okay?”

Junhui nods. “Just got tired.”

“Yeah,” Minghao agrees. “It’s a lot. If you wanted to go home early, I know Kun wouldn’t mind.”

“It’s not even midnight yet. I’d miss the birthday half of the party.”

Minghao gives him a look he doesn’t like, all too knowing. “What is it that’s really bothering you?”

He looks down at where he’s fiddling with his ring when he answers. “I’m worried Chenle is upset with me.”

“Doesn’t seem like it to me,” Minghao says easily. “But go and ask him if you’re this worried.”

“It’s probably nothing. I don’t want to start anything.”

“If it matters to you, it’s not nothing,” Minghao says, voice even. “We all know he was avoiding you before exams. I don’t know why. I think Sicheng knows why, but he’s kept it close to his chest. If it’s still bothering you now, you might as well get it out of the way. Go and ask him.”

He worries the skin of his nailbed between his teeth, but Minghao pulls his hand away from his mouth. “What if I just upset him more?”

“It’s about time he explains to you what’s going on in your relationship, especially if it’s ruining your night. What better time to clear the air than the last twenty minutes before the new year?”

“You think?”

“Yes,” Minghao says, exasperated, taking Junhui’s arm and dragging him up. “I’m sure there will be an explanation. You want to know, don’t you?”

“Yes?”

“Then go and find out what it is.”

When they move back across the room, Chenle isn’t with the same group of people where Junhui last saw him, so the two of them snake their way around the room to look for him. They end up finding him in the kitchen with a girl Junhui doesn’t know, a different one than before. They’re huddled into a corner together, both looming over something on the counter.

“Chenle? Yizhuo?”

Chenle and Yizhuo both turn around quickly, meeting Minghao’s concerned look. Yizhuo looks guilty about something, but Chenle only turns back around to continue what he was doing. In the gap between them, Junhui can see Kun’s birthday cake. It seems that Chenle had the bright idea of cutting into it a little early.

“What are you doing?” Junhui asks, feeling a little bad for Kun’s poor cake, but he knows Chenle is the only person who could do this and get away with it.

“Ningning was hungry!” Chenle says, voice pouty and drawn out and obviously halfway drunk. “Should I let her starve?”

“You didn’t see the range of foods on the table in the living room?”

“He wanted cake too!” Yizhuo says, pointing. “It was his idea!”

“Yeah, it was,” Chenle says, grinning. “You want some?”

“No,” Minghao says, watching Chenle hand Yizhuo a piece of cake. She scampers out of the room with it, squeezing between Junhui and Minghao in the doorway with a pleased squeal.

“Your loss,” Chenle shrugs, cutting out another piece. “Junhui?”

Junhui meets eyes with Minghao. It feels silly to bring up his worries now, when Chenle is obviously having too much fun causing mischief, but Minghao gives him a hard look.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says pointedly, then turns to go after Yizhuo.

“Too slow, you’re having some now,” Chenle says, turning to hand Junhui a piece of cake on a napkin.

“Chenle,” he says, taking the slice carefully.

Chenle turns around to face the cake again, waving the knife in the air as he figures out which piece he wants. “Yes?”

“Do you…” he starts, then chickens out. Chenle cuts into his slice of cake, distracted, and makes a satisfied sound as he pulls it away.

“Beautiful,” he says, admiring it. “What’s up?”

“Are you avoiding me?” he asks, then cringes at how he sounds. “Um, not that you have to stay with me all night or anything. I was just worried you were upset with me and didn’t want to see me.”

Chenle looks shocked. “Of course not! Why would I avoid you?”

Junhui deflates. “I didn’t see you for most of the last month. I was worried you were still mad at me for… something?”

Chenle avoids his gaze then, as if he realises what Junhui means, that withheld thing he’s sensed since Everland. “You didn’t upset me.” He licks at the tip of his finger to clean off some icing. “You know what? Follow me. I want to show you something.”

Chenle leads them out of the kitchen and through the corridor, towards a hidden set of stairs at one side of Kun’s house. The house doesn’t have a second floor, so it only leads to a narrow attic space, but Chenle squeezes them through it until he reaches a wide window that pushes open. He grabs two blankets from beside the window, and clambers out onto a flat bit of roof just outside. It’s chilly and dark, but Junhui follows him out anyway, and Chenle carefully places down his cake to throw one of the blankets over Junhui’s shoulders.

“Thanks,” he says, looking up and around them. Kun lives in a nice neighbourhood that isn’t overshadowed by the huge buildings of Seoul, so from here they have a good view of the night sky. He knows from proximity that the Han River isn’t far away, so the fireworks show at midnight should be pretty spectacular from here.

“It’s nice, right?” Chenle says, already watching Junhui with sparkling eyes when he turns to face him. “Kun-ge and I had a picnic out here once. It’s a great place for people-spotting in the day. I figured it’ll be nice at midnight.”

“It will,” he agrees, suddenly touched that Chenle wanted to bring him out here to see this. They probably won’t even make it inside in time to sing Happy Birthday to Kun.

He’s about to bring that up when Chenle starts talking, and the thought leaves his mind. “I thought I should make it up to you,” he says, with faux nonchalance. “I know I wasn’t a very good friend the last few weeks. I’m sorry. Exams were bad for me, but I bet they were hell for you.”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice suddenly failing him. “They’re hard for all of us.”

“Right,” Chenle agrees. “But I wish I was more honest with you, anyway. I’m sure I didn’t make things any easier. It’s just—it’s not your fault, you know. I was panicking over something personal, and I wanted some space. But I should’ve told you that.”

“That’s okay,” Junhui says, resting his own slice of cake safely away. “So it wasn’t me? I didn’t do anything?”

“No,” Chenle says, but only after a pause. “I mean, you did do something, but it wasn’t your fault. If anything it’s my own fault.” A shiver runs through him, and Junhui shuffles closer so they can share the bigger blanket.

“Come here.”

“Thanks,” he says, dragging one end of Junhui’s blanket around his shoulders and moving his own to his lap. “Anyway. Can we leave that in the past now?”

“Do I have to worry about it happening again?” he asks, and Chenle looks up at him. They’re sat close together now, legs pressed up against each other, circulating each other’s warmth.

He looks away just as quickly, gazing out into the dark, and Junhui is left watching his side profile.

“I hope not.”

Junhui doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t want to go through that again, especially not with such a vague reason why.

Chenle easily detects his hesitation, glancing back at him. A few cold, tense beats of silence pass between them.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he admits, uneasy, on the precipice of his untold thing.

“Even if you do, I would rather you be honest,” Junhui says, and Chenle looks a little surprised at that. There are a few more beats of silence.

A cheering erupts downstairs. When the noise clears, he can make out the clearer sounds of numbers—the countdown.

Ten, nine…

“Junhui,” Chenle says, pausing.

Eight, seven…

“Yes?”

Six, five…

He seems to throw away his inhibition. “You wanna kiss at midnight?”

Four, three…

Junhui laughs out loud. He can’t help himself—that was the last thing he expected Chenle to say. He actually kind of forgot that happens at midnight.

Two…

“Sure,” he says, eyes meeting Chenle’s. He looks down at his mouth.

One.

12. JANUARY

Chenle grabs him by his collar and leans in to kiss him right as the fireworks start. He’s leaning into Junhui so much he has to plant one hand against the roof so they don’t topple over, and Junhui feels the urge to laugh again. He should’ve known Chenle would kiss like this—all fire, all energy. A flash of lightning passed between them.

They part with a soft sound, despite how hard Chenle had come in. He’s still got his hand on Junhui’s collar, and Junhui is smiling. Maybe they’ve both had too much alcohol.

“Good?” he asks, kicking his feet and trying not to seem affected. He seems to have swallowed this wobbly feeling with the kiss, the sudden knowledge that he’s never going to kiss someone like that again. There’s no one else quite like Chenle. “Was that your first time kissing a guy? Is this something I’ve done before you?”

“Uh huh,” Chenle says, looking up and down Junhui’s face. “Can we do that again?”

“What?”

“Can we…” Chenle trails off. “Did you not like it?”

“Yes,” Junhui blurts, blinking at him. “Did you?”

“I liked it,” Chenle says, then sits back, releasing Junhui’s collar. “Ugh, I’m too drunk for this. It’s just—that was my panic, okay?”

“What?”

Chenle gives him a side-eyed look. “I’m not as straight as I thought. Not about you, anyway.”

Junhui’s jaw drops open. In the distance the fireworks are still going off, but he’s barely paying attention to them. “What? Wait, what?”

“I like you!” Chenle says. “Do I have to spell it out? You kissed Ten in the club and I realised it was really hot! And also that you are hot, and also cute, and I like you. Happy?”

Even under the coloured lights from the fireworks, Chenle’s cheeks go visibly pinker. Junhui’s shock makes him feel dizzy, and he has to put a hand on the roof to make sure he’s not falling off it.

“What?” he says, looking around. “Me?”

“Yes, you! Who else!” Chenle says, crossing his arms. “I know you don’t like people like that, so I didn’t want to say anything and make us both uncomfortable and upset. But having a gay crisis is the worst, especially in exam period. How am I supposed to study? It’s impossible.” He’s grumbling, rambling so they don’t have to look at each other and discuss it. “Whatever. I’m over the panicking now. Let’s just continue like we were before, okay?”

“Chenle,” he starts, feeling lightheaded. “I don’t—I don’t feel sexually attracted to people, but that’s it. I still like people—I still want to date. I still like you. I have for ages.”

Chenle turns to him, mouth open, brows furrowed in utter shock. He blinks several times. “Huh?”

Junhui starts to laugh, pulling the blanket further up over their shoulders. “I have! Since the summer, I guess, I’ve really liked you.”

“You do? You…” Chenle trails off. “Woah!” A beaming smile breaks out across his face, and he falls sideways into Junhui, eyes creasing up until his whole face is bright with it. “No way!”

Junhui starts to laugh, and that sets Chenle off, the high ring of his voice carrying over the houses. He wraps his arms around Chenle, hugging him, and Chenle leans into him so much Junhui accidently kicks his slice of cake off the roof. That sends Chenle off into another round of giggles, and Junhui is all too happy to entertain, huffing about it being Chenle’s fault he won’t get any cake now.

When their laughter dies down, the fireworks have finally stopped too, and the sky is wide and black over them. The air smells like gunpowder.

“Hey,” Junhui says, in a moment of extraordinary bravery. “Do you want to go out together? Next week, we could go to the ice rink in town? Get hot chocolate? I’ll buy?”

Chenle can’t stop himself from grinning. “I don’t know anything about dating boys, you know. I can’t help you with this.”

“Me neither,” Junhui shrugs. “We can figure this one out together.”

Chenle smiles, leaning in even further. “Yes please. Let’s do that.”

“Okay,” Junhui says, holding the side of Chenle’s face with his hand. Never in a million years did he see this happening—but as scary as it is, he wants to give it everything he has. Chenle deserves that much. “You still want to kiss again?”

“Yes,” Chenle answers immediately, wrapping one arm around Junhui’s shoulders to lean in. He kisses him gentler this time—less afraid. But Junhui still feels the lightning strike.

Do something you’re afraid of

-

13. FEBRUARY

Junhui graduates after five years of school on a Wednesday afternoon, with Chenle and Minghao watching from his two guest seats. The moment on stage lasts just a few seconds, but Chenle presenting him with the gemstone earrings and a bouquet of flowers afterwards is the moment he treasures the most.

They haven’t told anyone they’re dating yet, and Chenle has been shy about public displays of affection so far—but today he’s excited, unashamed, and proud of Junhui. It’s a little taste of what their relationship could grow to be, and of how Chenle really feels about him. Junhui hides his smile in the flowers and changes into the new earrings before having his picture taken, and Minghao holds his bouquet without questioning it.

They go out for a meal later that day with all the rest of their friends. Kun and Sicheng are also graduating, so Chenle’s parents and Kun’s parents come out with them, which makes for a very busy, very rowdy table at dinner. Thankfully the food is amazing, they’re able to tip well, and Junhui almost manages to forget that this is the end of an era for him.

Chenle’s parents are eager to give him advice and well wishes for his future, and his father even offers to speak to his connections about getting work back in Shanghai, or even Shenzhen. He catches Chenle’s eye when that offer is made, who quickly looks away as if he were never listening to the conversation at all.

There’s been an impending sense of doom hanging over his and Chenle’s budding relationship, almost since their first date. Neither of them want to call it off so soon, but Chenle can’t ask Junhui to stay in the country for him when they’ve barely started dating. It’s made the future an awkward grey area of uncertainty for the last month and a half.

He’d made the decision not long ago to stay in Korea. It’s a decision he’d wanted to make for Chenle, but in the end realised it was for himself more than anyone. He doesn’t want to go back to China and know no one, simply revert back to old ways. He wants to stay close to his friends—he wants to stay with Chenle, who constantly helps him grow, who is his most exciting reason to stay in Seoul. With this, too, he at least wants to try.

Chenle is the one who taught him to try, so it only seems right.

He wants Chenle to know first, which is why he avoids questions about the future over their meal and asks Chenle to come back with him afterwards. Kun and some of their other friends are going out for the night, but Junhui would rather spend time with his boyfriend.

So they part ways from the group once they’re so full they can’t eat anymore, Chenle promising to see his family again tomorrow, Junhui promising to cook the rest of their friends hangover stew in the morning. They set off back to their dorms, and once they restaurant is out of sight, Chenle sneaks his hand into Junhui’s.

“I’m sorry I haven’t told my parents yet,” he says, swinging their hands between them. “I’m too nervous.”

“It’s really okay,” Junhui says, with emphasis. “It’s early days, anyway. Tell them when you’re ready to tell them.”

“I will,” Chenle says. “I do want them to know you’re important to me.”

Turning into a narrower street between two buildings, Junhui uses the opportunity to pull him closer by the hand and kiss his forehead quickly. “I was spoiled enough tonight by our friends. And your parents, for paying our whole bill. That was more than enough special treatment.”

“I think they really like you,” Chenle agrees, raising his shoulders to bury his chin in his coat collar. He looks so cute like this. “So there’s that, at least. My dad doesn’t make offers like that to just anyone.”

The mention of Junhui’s future hangs over them again, that taboo subject they’ve both been dancing around. He doesn’t want it to hold them back any longer. “It was very kind of him to offer. But I don’t need to rely on him for that.”

Chenle comes to a dead stop in the street, and when Junhui turns, he’s looking up at him with big eyes. “You don’t?”

Junhui can’t stop himself from smiling. “I didn’t want to tell you too early and give you false hope, but I got an email through yesterday—I’ve been offered a job in Bangbae. I won’t even be leaving Seoul.”

Chenle’s mouth drops open in an O. “You—you’re staying? Really? In Seoul?”

“Yes,” he grins. “I’m staying in Seoul!”

Chenle is still for a moment, then he breaks out into a smile that crinkles his eyes and creases his cheeks, leaping forward to wrap his arms around Junhui’s shoulders. “You’re staying! You’re staying!”

Junhui laughs and catches him, clutching him close until Chenle slips back down onto his toes. Then he suddenly steps back, voice serious again.

“But you’re not just staying for me, right? Because I asked you before about staying? Because I don’t want to stop you from going back home if you want to go back home, and I don’t want you change your future because of this—”

“No, it’s not because of that. It’s because I want to. I’m going back home for a month, then I start the job in March. I’m going to need your help looking for a new place, if you have any ideas.”

Chenle is smiling so hard his words come out all in a run, fast and babbling. “Kun is planning to stay in South Korea, I think he’s close to putting a deposit down on a place. You should talk to him, it would be way better for you guys to live together. I don’t know where he’s going to live, but it’s not like Bangbae is far away from here—woah, now I have to start working on your next list! I was already thinking about what I would tell you to do in China so you didn’t forget about me. Now I need to rethink it for Seoul round two.”

“Don’t be stupid. Who would forget about you? I think that’s actually impossible.”

Chenle laughs, re-gripping Junhui’s hand and swinging it harder than before. “You think?”

“Definitely,” Junhui says, squeezing his hand back. “And you don’t need to make me another list if you don’t want to. I’ll probably do whatever you want to do, anyway, list or not.”

“All the more reason to make another one,” Chenle grins, eyes twinkling under the streetlamps. “What do you think? Can I be bold on the next one?”

“Bolder than last year’s list? Telling me to go on a date and kiss a stranger?”

“Yes,” Chenle says, a curl to his mouth, something a little mischievous in his eyes. “Shall I put on there that you should fall in love with me?”

Junhui’s cheeks are hurting from smiling. “In the next year?”

Chenle nods, eyes flicking up and down his face. “What, too soon?”

Junhui shakes his head. “Too late,” he says, leaning in to kiss him, a quick peck on the lips that makes Chenle exhale a gust of white air. “Already did it. I think we need a different kind of list.”

Chenle holds his free hand to his cheek, embarrassed and all too pleased. “Really?”

Junhui nods, feeling light. “Tell me what to do to help you fall in love with me. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

Chenle giggles, high and loud, and tugs the two of them on towards Junhui’s apartment. “Let’s start with cooking me more food,” he says, practically skipping ahead, unable to contain himself. “Then we’ll talk real love.”

When they reach Junhui’s dorm building, Chenle pulls him in for another kiss before he can even key in the code. After they pull back, Chenle goes to speak but pauses, like something is on the tip of his tongue. Junhui thinks he might know what it is—Chenle has this fire about him that makes him hot to the touch.

“Food first,” Junhui reminds him, swinging the door open. “Then we can talk love.”

Chenle just laughs, clinging to him, and the two of them make their way inside.

Fall in love <3