Archive of Our Own

Screaming doesn't help, at all.

How could she have been so stupid? So naive? This is her fault for thinking she had the upper hand. She thought she had won. Stupid, that’s what she is, to think that she alone could win against an entire organization when she can barely get ahold of her own brain. She can’t imagine what the others might think of her now.

Oh, Leah was right and she didn’t do shit to help. Or maybe they’re thinking she failed because she is insane even if she was right. Poor depressed and crazy Leah, can’t get anything right.

She can’t look at any of them as she turns around and sprints back inside.

Her thoughts run faster than her legs. Fucking Gretchen, fucking Jeff, I don't think he deserves it, the car accident, the plane, the island, Jeanette, the girls, I don’t know shit about love, Nora, the pills, the ocean, Ben Folds, I’ll fucking kill you, the boys, the slight panic on Gretchen’s face, you’re the strongest fucking person I know, this new fucking island, Nora. Nora.

Nora.

She collapses on the floor. The footsteps behind her can only belong to one person. Without having to turn around, she knows it’s her. Her tears-filled eyes can’t focus but, going by the annoying lights, she ended up back in the fucking dance room. Before long, Fatin is kneeling behind her and her embrace crashes into her very soul.

“She’s alive,” Leah says between sobs because she can’t help it. Because even if she’s tired of everyone’s disbelief, it’s still easy to tell Fatin.

“What? Who?”

“Nora,” she mumbles against her chest.

Fatin moves them a little to readjust herself and very delicately touches her jaw and lifts her chin up.

God, how she missed looking into those beautiful eyes.

“Did you see her?”

The regret hits her at the exact same time the question is being asked. Fatin will think she’s crazy again, everything will have been for nothing — not that it hasn’t been for nothing already.

With one hand Fatin grabs both of hers, effectively stopping whatever picking was absentmindedly going on. With her other hand she very gently tucks a bit of hair behind her ear, all while she looks at her with nothing but a sort of adoration that Leah can’t handle right now. “You can tell me. I know you were right about everything and I am sorry I’ve ever doubted you.”

Just when the calm has started to settle in her chest, the tears fall faster and the sobs come harder. But instead of sorrow and despair, this time, a dash of hope is coming back. “I didn’t, I just— I just know it, and Gretchen said it, although I don't trust her… Still, it makes sense, you know? If she was working for them they must've gotten her out instead of letting her die.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” How can it be okay? Just like that?

“I believe you, Leah, I’d be the crazy one not to at this point. Besides, it totally makes sense.”

There's quite literally nothing else for her to do other than throw herself back into her arms. Burying her face in the crook of her neck and simply breathing, she lets herself feel this moment, this warmth and comfort and safety that surrounds her.

“I’ve got you,” Fatin whispers. And maybe she imagines the soft press of lips on her forehead, but she’ll gladly give in to her mind if that’s what it decides to come up with. “You’re not alone anymore.”

Glancing up might be a mistake because their eyes lock and their faces are so incredibly close that it's hard to breathe. All thoughts go out the window at that very moment. The pull towards Fatin being stronger than everything else.

Something that sounds suspiciously as a slap on an arm accompanied with a few chuckles and a, “shush!” takes her out of the moment. All the girls are lingering in the door, they were probably there the entire time, and Toni is rubbing her arm. Leah doesn’t really want to know what she said, but she’s glad that at least there’s a playful look shared between her and Shelby.

Dot takes the first step forward, and that encourages the rest of them. Soon enough they’re all hugging her and echoing Fatin’s sentiments.

She’s definitely not alone anymore.

Maybe she never really has been since the fake crash.

When they break apart and all of them get up, the boys enter the room hesitant and confused.

Everyone starts talking at once, but she fixates on Rachel.

She should tell her. Rachel deserves to know the truth about everything. Except she doesn’t quite know everything, not really. She isn’t even completely sure Nora is alive, but how can she not be? If she was in Rachel's position she’d want someone to tell her. She should—

A hand lands on her shoulder. “Don’t,” Fatin whispers, “I believe you and she will too, but after everything—”

She closes her eyes and sighs. “We can’t get her hopes up.”

“Yeah. You can tell any of the others. Let's just be careful with her, okay?”

With a faint smile on her face, she nods. Fatin’s words are soft and reasonable and extremely different from I’ll fucking kill you, but they get through to her just as fast.

God, it feels as if an entire lifetime has passed since that moment on the beach. It was when she learned she could feel anxious, angry, scared, guilty and aroused all at the same time.

There's no denying Fatin is hot, she’s known that since the first time she saw her at school. She’s felt what Fatin can do to her disaster bisexual self since she asked her to borrow a tampon. But angry Fatin right up in her face was something else, something that’s probably never gonna leave her mind. And even that does nothing to Leah compared to this. This Fatin that doesn’t look at her as if she’s lost her fucking mind, this Fatin that softly lowers her hand through her arm until she’s taking her hand and tugging from it, this Fatin that takes care of her and reminds her she’s not alone.

This Fatin that instead of taking them out of there, stops right below the disco ball and starts singing, dancing, and making her dance.

And maybe Fatin is the crazy one now, but Leah couldn’t care less because she’s directing a smile her way and what can she do if not return it? What can she do other than pathetically dance with her without letting go of her hand?

Everyone joins them and maybe they can afford a few hours of enjoying themselves after they haven’t seen each other in days.

So, that's what they do. And most importantly, she does. She enjoys this silly little reunion party.

The boys need a little encouragement from Dot, Shelby and Martha to join. Something about getting to know each other and having fun before they have to get into details about everything.

It does come as a surprise that Fatin keeps dancing with her instead of going immediately to one of the guys. However, that's not a train of thought that needs to be followed.

Raf tries to talk to her a couple of times, and there's always one of the girls basically telling him there'll be time for serious talk later.

But as much fun as she's having, those little moments — and others like that — are a reminder of where they are and what she should really be focusing on. It's exhausting.

Every time it gets harder to get her mind back to the current event. Until she just feels on the outside looking in. So she literally steps aside from the group and simply observes.

Toni and Shelby are getting closer and closer by the minute. Martha and Rachel are talking with Henry, Bo and Scotty. And, suddenly, Dot is making fun of Fatin for the way Kirin keeps trying to flirt with her, even pushing her to go for it.

"This is basically the moment you've been waiting for since you got on that plane, dude!"

She's exhausted. And she can totally do without listening to that.

So she walks back to her room. God, her room. It is nice to have a bed but it has only felt like a prison up until now. Of course, it still is, but at least she can leave and come back whenever she wants now — because she's definitely making sure that door won't close all the way ever again, just in case.

She has no idea how early or late it is, but if she can manage to fall asleep, she hopes not to wake up until the next morning at the very least.

~~~

She wakes up with a jolt, doesn’t even want to try to remember what this particular nightmare was about. That’s normal by now. What’s not normal is having someone in the room with her.

“You okay?”

“What— Did something happen?” Something has to be wrong if Fatin is here. She shouldn’t have slept, God, how many hours was she out for?

Fatin is there taking her hand out of her eyebrow and holding it with her own. And just like a few hours earlier, and every time before that, she wasn't even aware that had been happening until Fatin stopped it. “Everything’s fine. Well, as fine as it can be considering…”

“Oh.” She tries to relax, really. But there’s still this one question in her mind. “What are you doing here?”

“I— I was worried about you.”

“I’m not… crazy. At least not about this. And I am doing better about all the other stuff, I’m getting a better handle on my brain, I think. You don’t need to do this anymore.”

“That’s not— You just woke up from a fucking nightmare.”

“I’m fine," she snaps, "you don’t need to keep babysitting me.” It's a reflex really. It’s not fair on Fatin at all, she’s just desperately trying to erase made-up images of her and Kirin from her brain. So preoccupied trying to get her mind right, that she is not giving much time to how to take care of her heart.

“I’m not babysitting you!” Fatin lets go of her hand before standing up and Leah flinches, regrets her words as soon as she misses the contact. “You really thi— after everything? I’ve missed you, Leah. I have no idea how many days have gone by but it felt like a hundred. And one day I thought I heard you screaming and I didn’t know if you were okay and it just…”

It takes her aback, Fatin’s vulnerability. The sincerity, the pain behind her broken words and eyes. “Fatin…”

Leah half expects Fatin to keep talking but she’s just staring at her. She‘s waiting for her to continue but what can she say? She’s sorry, she didn’t mean to snap at her. Though it’s easier to snap than— She can’t tell her she’s sorry without an explanation she’s not ready to give.

So, she doesn’t say anything. And Fatin's bottom lip trembles and she visibly swallows her tears.

That's the moment Leah’s brain loses the brief battle against her heart. A heart that hasn't been hers for a while.

Reaching out, she grabs her arms and pulls her to the bed. Cradles her in her arms, rubs circles on her back and whispers she's sorry. A few tears fall on her shoulder before she whispers, "I'm fine, we're fine. I've got you."

Even with Fatin still not allowing herself to fully break down, Leah takes care of her the same way Fatin has always taken care of her.

It's obvious Fatin wants the moment to be over — presumably because this could end up with both of them unable to stop crying. So she really hopes the joke lands when she says, "well, now that that pathetic display is out of the way…"

The loud laugh comes with a slap on the shoulder, and honestly? Leah will take a thousand hits if she gets to hear Fatin's unrestrained laughter.

"I missed you too," she adds in a serious tone. Not because she didn't say it before, but because she couldn't really contain it. Fatin always looks great, but she's way too beautiful when she laughs. "Thank you for being here."

"I should be thanking you."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. But I should." There's a pause and Leah waits. Fatin is never one to think much before she speaks, but she seems nervous and was just seconds away from a breakdown so Leah waits. It’s only a few moments later that Fatin rolls her eyes at herself and says, "Shit, why is this so hard?! I thought about this moment every damn day in isolation. You'd think I'd have the speech memorized by now."

This is clearly not what her heart believes it is by the way it's racing. Nope, she’s not going to go there.

"I was such a dick to you, I owe you like a million apologies, Leah."

"What?" Suddenly, several different thoughts go loud and fast. What on earth would Fatin need to apologize for? The girl never did anything wrong, let alone a million things.

"I should've believed you from the start. I should've listened to you, I—"

"Fatin, I know how I sounded most of the time. It's not like I made it easy for you."

"Oh girl, I know," she says with a smile, and Leah will be eternally grateful for the easy way they can go from deep talk to joking and back. "But still. I should've tried harder. I shouldn't have left you alone with all of it. It was too late when I finally caught on and—"

"It's okay." It truly is. Fatin is not the one to blame for any of it. And it hurts to know that she blames herself, especially since she was the one who helped her the most.

"It's not. Fuck, Leah, it's so not okay." She takes both of her hands and the warmth spreads quickly through her entire body. "I think a part of me always believed you. But we didn't really know shit, we had no proof and the whole thing was hurting you more than it was helping..."

"You don't need to explain. I get it. And I wouldn't really be here if it wasn't for you. I can't blame you for not going down the rabbit hole with me."

"But I did."

*What?" Okay, maybe she shouldn't be surprised since Fatin did say she had a million things to apologize for instead of just one. But still, the two of them have gotten really close, it's hard to imagine Fatin keeping things from her… What else did she miss?

"I started noticing things in Nora's diary. I didn't want to tell you anything else without something concrete to show you. So I just kept trying to figure shit out on my own until I recruited Shelby, who should be a fucking detective by the way, and we found this electronic thing with new batteries. I was gonna tell you but it happened just before the helicopter appeared."

"So that's how Shelby knew." At the confusion in Fatin's face, she clarifies, "she got them to let her see me a few days ago and slipped me a note saying I was right."

"Oh. Good.” She casts her eyes down. Between her obviously feeling awful and the way she’s dressed so unlike Fatin — although that hoodie and her messy braid do wonders for her — she’s never looked smaller. Leah just wants to hug her again and never let go. “I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

“Fatin, stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong.”

“I threatened to kill you.”

Oh. Well, she guesses they both keep that moment in the front of their minds for very different reasons. “That was different. I deserved that.”

“Fuck! No, Leah, don’t even… Never, you didn’t and you don’t, okay? I’m s—”

“I swear, if you say you’re sorry one more time I’m gonna be the one who kills you. We’re past that, it’s really okay. None of it is your fault.”

“Okay,” she says softly, with not a lot of conviction behind it but Leah will be there to remind her every time she needs it. “So, was it you? The screaming? Or was I losing it?”

“It was me. But I’m fine, I was fine, just acting. I needed them to believe I was the lovesick girl they thought I was. That I was still hung up on—”

“Jeffrey?”

“Yeah.” It’s weird that she asked. Who else could it be?

“Are you?”

“Ugh, no,” she responds instantly, with a touch of disgust in her voice because she still can’t believe she thought she was in love with him. She still can’t believe a lot of things about that whole situation. But Fatin not knowing she was over him was the most unbelievable of all. “Don’t you— Do you really need to ask that?”

“Sue me for needing confirmation. It wasn’t that long ago you had to remember some other old dude just to forget about him.”

Well, now that just sounds like she’s got a type and that’s just so far from the truth. But more importantly, it's a reminder that Fatin still doesn’t know how bad it got. “I… I saw him. On the island.”

Fatin frowns. “Jeff?”

“Ben Folds.”

“What do you mean you saw him?” It’s cute the way she’s careful with her words, almost as if she’s afraid to ask. Almost as if she knows the answer but doesn’t want to assume, doesn’t want to let Leah believe she thinks she lost it.

Which, actually, “I might have started having hallucinations…”

“Leah…”

“I’m fine. It was mostly the last day on the island. I was able to pull myself together and it hasn’t happened again since.”

“I’d say I’m sorry I wasn’t there but…” She smirks and Leah is grateful.

She chuckles. “Yeah, don’t. Especially since you were out there looking for proof…”

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.”

Fatin hugs her this time and they don’t separate much even as they lie down. At some point they start talking again, both going into more detail about their last days on the first island. The soothing movements in each other's backs and arms don’t stop. Leah also tells her about everything she did in the bunker, how hard she tried and how apparently it was all for nothing. How useless she feels.

That gets Fatin’s hand to stop. “What the hell? You got Ian to go to the FBI. That’s huge, Leah. You almost had her, I’m sure they left in such a hurry that we’ll find something they left behind without knowing once we start looking. You did a lot. Alone. If I can’t apologize, you can’t put yourself down like that. Not when you’re the best of us.”

Letting the tears fall from her eyes is the safest course of action, because there are a lot of other things bursting at the seams she can’t allow to come out. She has to take a deep breath to try to keep her heart in her chest, has to bite her tongue to avoid shouting the only words she can think of right now.

Fatin pulls her even closer and she relaxes. They both do. The only reason why this is worse is that her thoughts get louder and louder…

No, you are the best of us.

Don’t leave me.

I need you.

I might even lo—

“Stay,” she manages to mumble instead.

“Bitch, please, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried,” Fatin jokes as she tightens her hold, and what she’s saying between the lines is loud and clear: she’ll always be here.

A silence promise both of them probably made a long time ago.

~~~

They wake up still wrapped in each other. But it’s another day and her mind starts to remember where they are, remembers Nora, remembers there’s a potentially dangerous guy out there. She needs to tell everyone everything, needs to find out what Raf never got around to tell her, even though she has an inkling of what it could be and dreads to confirm it.

“It’s too fucking early for you to be thinking that much.”

“Good morning to you too,” she says with an unavoidable smile as she gets up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just getting back to reality.”

“Well, let’s put some food in your stomach first.”

They get ready, sharing their ongoing amazement at having running water, a roof over their heads and a bed. Then, they leave the room together.

Dot is the only one in the kitchen, taking stock of what they have, of course.

“I’m glad you’re still you, Dorothy.”

“Dude, they gave me a whole feast, even sushi, a few days ago. I’m good as new.”

Leah is happy to just sit there and listen to their banter. She knew she missed the girls, she obviously missed Fatin, but she didn’t know how much she missed this. These everyday little things, like those two innocently flirting, or how Toni walks in softly helping Martha, or the way Rachel pats her shoulder, and the shy smile Shelby throws her way when she finally gets there.

The boys are there too, but she pays no attention to them at first. Taking in the normalcy of the girls interacting is her priority. Fatin takes a seat next to her and makes sure she eats, and she’s at peace for a few seconds until someone decides to speak.

“Well, the party was fun and all,” Kirin says before smirking at Fatin. Leah stiffens and hopes beyond hope that she doesn’t notice. “But where are we? What the hell happened and who are you people? Like, for real this time.”

“Who the fuck are you to demand answers from us?”

“Toni, chill.”

A lot of them start talking at the same time. Although, arguing is probably more accurate.

She lets it go on for a few seconds but her patience is really not what it used to be, so she stands up and shouts, “everyone shut the fuck up!”

Everyone’s eyes are on her, but she can only feel Fatin’s and knows they are the only ones watching with concern.

“You know something! Raf says we can trust you but if you ask me, I think that’s the main reason we shouldn’t. I know you are in on whatever’s happening here, I don’t buy this whole crazy chick act you seem to have going on.”

Her jaw clenches as she tries with all her might not to overreact. Fighting won't do any good to anyone right now, even if it's with fucking Kirin. She had enough time to think about how the boys might react to this whole thing if they didn’t know anything about it. So she needs to get a hold of herself to do this right. It's not like the girls give her time to react in any way.

Shelby and Dot are in front of her in a flash, and Fatin is pushing Toni and Rachel out of the way to stand right in his face. Taking him by his shirt just like she did to Leah all those weeks ago. “Listen, fuckface, you’re not gonna talk to any of us that way, especially her. That woman is smarter than all of us combined. She’s the only reason we have a chance of getting out of here sooner rather than later. So if she wants to talk, you’ll fucking listen and never doubt her or I’ll make you wish they’d never got you out of the first island. Got it?”

And God, she knows how turned on Kirin must be now. It takes everything she’s got to not march to her and kiss her senseless, and not only because that was hot as hell, but also because Fatin was defending her, throwing compliments like it was nothing, as if they were mere facts. Her crush hasn't been just a crush for a while now, but damn, she is screwed.

So, to avoid ruining her friendship, as soon as Kirin pushes Fatin’s hands away from him with a bitter, “got it,” she leaves the room knowing everyone will follow her.

She steps into the same stage Gretchen should’ve been in. It might be a bit dramatic but she needs the height difference it gives her, needs to see everyone and for everyone to see her. There’s nothing easy about what she has to explain, and she might be an idiot for thinking this will make them respect her more, but she has to try.

“We all went through the same fucking thing. We were supposed to go to a retreat, they staged the plane crash and let us think we got stranded on an island. We were there for fifty days. You guys were the control group and I guess you were on another island. This is a fucked up experiment or some shit like that, I don’t know. What I do know is that two of us were in on it, but they’re no longer with us.” She avoids Rachel’s gaze, focusing on talking mostly to the boys. But she does notice Fatin landing a hand on the girl’s shoulder and Leah likes her even more. “We don’t need secrets between us because we need to work together, so we’re gonna tell you everything we know and every relevant thing about our group but you’re gonna need to do the same. Starting with what happened with Seth.”

Music starts playing loud through the speakers as if on cue.

Kirin huffs. “Not a chance.”

“What did I say?”

“Fatin.” Clearly, Fatin wants to protest but stays quiet and keeps glaring at Kirin, which Leah won’t be complaining about. “They didn’t know what happened with Seth which probably means he was their inside guy, otherwise your insider would have told them. So we need to know what he did, because if he’s dangerous on top of everything else that’s going on here and he’s the guy playing this fucking music…”

“We’ll tell you,” Raf says, and some of the others don’t agree but his words are enough for Leah.

Fatin nears the stage and stretches her arm to her. Leah grabs her hand and steps down.

They tell the boys everything they know, mostly Leah, Shelby and Fatin, of course. But all the girls help by backing them up and telling stories about the island in general. Nothing too personal, though, they don’t need to know them or their story.

When the guys start telling their part, the difference between their relationships jump out at them. Their island’s experiences were similar, yet truly nothing alike. The girls are a family now, the boys are… people who know each other, people that went through hell together, and some of them barely stand to be around others.

It’s weird, to listen to their side of the story, to know no one ever suspected there was something wrong with the place. Once Raf takes over the conversation to start talking about Seth, her suspicions come back and asks to be told in private.

“You said there shouldn’t be secrets,” Kirin points out.

“All of us are deeply traumatized individuals, way before any island could fuck us even further, so excuse me for trying to spare some people, especially some of your guys from having to relive it.” It’s a lie, but having to justify everything to fucking Kirin is getting pretty old fairly quickly. She’s not about to tell him she doesn’t want Martha of all people to listen to an unfiltered version of whatever happened.

They agree, so Raf follows Leah to her room. Unsurprisingly, when she turns to close the door, Fatin is also there. "Where you go, I go. You're not alone anymore."

"Thank you."

Raf frowns but doesn't say anything. They sit and wait until he retells everything.

Her stomach turns during the story and it’s hard not to throw up by the end of it.

"You're telling me there's a chance that a fucking psycho is listening to us right now and has the literal fucking control of this place?"

She touches Fatin's arm to try and soothe her.

"I mean, I hope it's not him but…" Raf unhelpfully supplies.

"It's definitely not Nora. Or any of Gretchen's minions."

"Fucking hell." Fatin is pacing, obviously itching to tell the others, to kick the door of the control room down and kill that guy before he hurts any of them. But she's stopping herself. Either she's spiraling or she's scared, and Fatin doesn't usually outwardly show either of those things.

"Raf, could you give us a minute, please?"

Thankfully, he gets the hint that they need more than a minute. "Sure, I should get back to the guys anyway."

"Thank you," she says, meaning for more than just leaving. He smiles like he understands, and walks away.

"Fatin."

"Do you think there are still cameras and mics out there?"

"Probably. But you know, I think the ocean or even the shore should be pretty safe. But we can't get out of here."

"Shelby will figure it out. She's fucking amazing at escape rooms."

Leah laughs because she heard about that last night. Then, she asks softly, "Are you okay?"

"Fuck no. Are you?"

"Is it weird if I think I'm better than you?"

Fatin raises an eyebrow and smirks. "I mean, I always thought so."

She slaps her arm and laughs, trying to hide her blush because Fatin is just flirting in her very Fatin way but it still affects her. "Fuck off, you know what I mean."

"I do. And I don't know if it's weird, but… You kinda knew what Raf was going to say. And I have a feeling you knew how all this thing was going to turn out."

"I mean, I did have a lot of time alone to think about everything. But I did not anticipate you going off on Kirin like that. Especially after yesterday."

Fuck, that last part just came out of her without permission or warning. It's too late to backtrack, and Fatin is already frowning and ready to speak. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"Leah."

Avoidance can get her so far. Because the way Fatin says her name, like a warning and a prayer at the same time, melts her resolve entirely. She’s asking a lot of questions with that one word. And who is Leah to deny anything to this girl? Biting her lip doesn’t do anything to stop the words from bursting out of her. "He was trying to dance with you when I left. I don't know what happened but he was the chance you were waiting for. I was expecting you at least not to be ready to murder him."

"The chance?" Her frown deepens as if she's not getting it and Leah does not want to spell it out for her. The heat she feels in her face must be very visible because Fatin's eyes widen in realization. "Jesus, Leah, you thought I wanted to fuck him?"

"Would you blame me?"

"No… But wait, hold up, rewind. You thought I did fuck him after the party? Is that why you were being a bitch when you saw me here?"

"I— maybe? I don't know. What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know, Leah, maybe that fucking some guy is not the entirety of my personality?" A stab in an open wound would have hurt a lot less. "Maybe that the second I realized you were gone I came looking for you and obviously stayed to make sure you were fine until you woke up from that nightmare?"

She's such an idiot. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I'm gonna find Shelby so we can get out of here."

"Fatin—"

"No, I'll see you later. You know, if I'm not too busy riding one of those dicks."

Okay, she fucking deserved that. Fatin was already having a hard time processing everything, and she had to go and say that.

How will she make it better? How many times will she accuse Fatin of the same fucking thing before she gets tired of her? Why wouldn’t she? It’s actually a miracle she still talks to her after everything Leah put her through. Okay, not. She can’t let herself spiral like that. She has been doing well. Movement, she needs to move.

She leaves the room and enlists Rachel to help her look around to see if they can find anything they might have forgotten in the hurry to leave. They don't find anything but time passes by, but having something to do helps. Rachel’s great company, she helps. Even if she's dying to tell her about Nora but has to contain herself.

All of them have dinner together. Apparently Fatin told the girls about Seth without too many details and she's grateful she didn't have to do it herself. But the girl in question is not even meeting her eyes and it hurts.

Shelby says they think they know how to get out but they're going to need help tomorrow. Then they all chatter without incident which is a nice feeling.

The first one out of there is Fatin, and she's at a loss on whether to follow or not. It's an encouraging nod from Shelby that helps her make up her mind. So she leaves trying not to dwell on the fact that Shelby knew exactly what she was thinking.

She knocks on Fatin's not-entirely-closed door.

"Please, we haven't had a fucking door in months, you can come in."

She chuckles before slowly opening it and poking her head inside. "I'm not really sure you want to see me."

She doesn't look one bit surprised to see her. "I wasn't expecting anyone else."

The tension she was holding in her entire body leaves her through the deepest exhale as she enters the room and leaves the door as she found it.

She fidgets for a few moments as Fatin, lying in her bed, patiently waits for her.

"I didn't mean to imply you only care about sex. Or that you didn't care about me."

"I know. It's not like I didn't give you reasons to believe that, though — the sex thing. I'm sorry I got angry, I was just overwhelmed after everything, and you—”

“Instead of helping I made it worse. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“Make it up to me?”

The question doesn’t come with a smirk, it’s not teasing, it’s pure honesty and vulnerability. It tugs at her heartstrings and she craves to really make it up to her all night long. But that’s probably not what Fatin means, even if she moves to make space for her in the bed, even if she really is asking her to stay the night. It’s not like that. Fatin is probably still reeling after everything that happened today and just needs someone there with her. This is a second chance to do right by her instead of what she did this morning.

So she lies down next to her, reaching out to pull her in, their bodies fitting perfectly together. After placing a kiss on the top of her head, she tries to calm her heart so Fatin doesn’t notice the change of pace. And tries not to overthink any of the events of the day in favor of falling asleep. It’s not easy, but focusing on Fatin in her arms, and the peace and warmth it envelops her with, finally does the job.

~~~

She’s never really been a beach girl. Sure, she’s from the bay and she doesn’t particularly hate it, but she’s also too fucking white and too much of an indoor person to really enjoy the experience. That’s one of the many reasons she only lasted two lessons when she tried to surf.

It’s a wonder then, that she misses it. It might just be missing being outside, but there was something to be said about those moments she used to sit there staring at the ocean, and getting lost in her thoughts — when they weren’t dark.

So, when Shelby gets them out, Leah slowly walks to the shore as everyone else runs out the door in different directions, even as Dot yells at them to not get lost.

The air hitting her face and lungs is extremely nice, the sand in the spot she decides to sit on feels different than the one on the other island, but it’s still sand, and still a huge fucking ocean in front of her.

The waves come and go, and keep coming and going just like her thoughts. Nora and Seth are in the front of her mind.The awful feeling in the pit of her stomach when it comes to Seth is getting harder and harder to brush off. And not finding anything about Nora makes everything worse. She’d love to give Rachel something to hold onto. And not to mention, the uncertainty of how much longer it will take the FBI to find them, or if they never will. What if they don’t? What if they have to finish whatever sick thing Gretchen has planned for them. God, Gretchen. What if she found out about Ian? She wouldn’t put it past her to do something to him. And that’s the first time that thought crossed her mind, and fuck, she’s suddenly having trouble breathing and—

“...eathe, Leah. Breathe with me.”

Fatin’s hands are in her arms and she’s looking right into her eyes, and Leah listens and follows instructions until she’s okay.

“Thanks.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“Wanna go jump some waves?”

It’s either a distraction or a way to get her to talk without the possibility of a microphone listening. She’s grateful either way so she nods and, as soon as Fatin stands up, Leah stretches her arms so she will help her up.

They have fun in the water for a while until they walk a bit further in so the waves won’t bother them. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m worried about Ian. What if Gretchen does somethi—?”

“Hey, no. I’m sure if the FBI thinks he could be in danger they’d do something about it. I don’t think that bitch can afford to make any wrong move right now anyway. He’s fine.”

Fatin sounds so convinced and her words make so much sense, that she doesn’t have any choice but to believe her. Leah sends her an appreciative smile.

A hand finds hers under water and squeezes, not letting go. “I’m worried about Seth, Leah.”

“Me too,” she says in a relieved breath because that reminds her she's not alone anymore.

They talk for a while, sharing fears, theories and possible outcomes and solutions. Until Fatin decides it's time to distract themselves again so she splashes Leah, which begins a ridiculously fun war at sea.

It gets too close to comfort. Leah gets too close to comfort. She almost kisses Fatin like five times throughout the day.

And she can't.

Fatin is her best friend but, most importantly, she's the person keeping her sane out here. She can't afford to lose that. She can't lose her.

Rachel calls her out on it that night. Fatin is somewhere in the bunker with Dot and Martha, and Rachel startles her as she enters her room. "You're not as subtle as you think you are.'

"Excuse me?"

"You wanna bang Fatin and, frankly, I have no idea why you haven't already. Put us all out of our misery.'

"First of all, I do not want to bang Fatin. Second, who says I even could if I wanted to? And third, why the fuck does any of you care about what I do or don't do?"

"Sure. Okay. With ‘our misery’ I meant so we could stop hearing about Fatin's lack of orgasms—"

"She hasn't complained in a while, actually," she mumbles.

It was the wrong thing to say because Rachel smirks. "Oh, so you've been paying attention."

"Fuck off."

"No, I'm not done. Do you seriously think she wouldn't fuck you if you asked? It's Fatin."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean she wants to have sex with literally anyone."

"Sure, but you're you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The totally unimpressed expression on Rachel’s face should be telling, but it’s not. "Do I really need to spell it out for you? Aren't you 'smarter than all of us combined'?" she asks, rolling her eyes, with air quotes and mocking perfectly the way Fatin said it.

There’s a good point in there somewhere. It would be nice if Rachel spell it out for her. But does she really want to know? She lets out a defeated sigh. "It doesn't matter if you think she'd be willing anyway. I'm not."

"Leah…"

"I like her, Rachel. I can't have a one night stand with someone I like, and she's all about one night stands. Our friendship is more important than that."

"I mean, I knew. I just wasn't sure if you did."

"Oh, I'm well aware of my feelings, thank you."

"You're totally welcome. Well, if you need to get over her, you know Raf seems to like you…"

"Life as a carpenter is over now that we have furniture, so meddling in my love life is your new thing?"

"Can't blame a girl for needing a little entertainment in literal hell."

She grabs the book from her nightstand and pushes it to Rachel's chest. The girl bursts out laughing but takes the book and leaves the room.

It’s easy to tell what this was. Rachel’s way of making her talk and letting her know she's there if she needs her. And Leah appreciates it more than she could ever say.

Naturally, sleep doesn’t come easily after that. With Fatin invading every single nook of her mind.

It's as if she's on the verge of doing something she will really regret. Because there's a reason she always says that if things are risky, impossible, stupid, or like an absolute recipe for disaster she'll go after them for sure. And these past two months didn't really change that. But what's worse is that this magnetic pull she feels when she's with Fatin, is all of those things combined.

She needs to stay away from the temptation. To focus on Seth, Nora, and finding something more about this place. So, her resolve starts forming and she's sure this is the best course of action.

Someone should give her a medal for lasting two whole days.

~~~

She should have been expecting Fatin lying on her bed when she gets out of the bathroom after breakfast. "You've been avoiding me."

"We were just making fun of Toni for being a useless lesbian together not five minutes ago..."

"Cut the crap. For the past two days, the second we're left alone you make some fucking excuse to not be anywhere near me. What did I do?"

"Nothing."

"Leah."

There it is again. The way she says her name. "You didn't do anything, I promise. You know how I get. I can't stop thinking about this whole thing." She almost adds that she didn't mean to avoid her, but that’d be a lie she’s not willing to give, not to her.

"Am I making things worse?"

"What?"

"Like, I don't know, also constantly talking about it and shit? Maybe we should ease up a little? Let someone else do the fucking planning, and have some fun?"

"Maybe. But it's still not you, you're perfect." And somehow getting more perfect by the minute.

"You'd be more convincing if you had at least moved from the door, Leah."

Oh. That wasn’t on purpose, she didn’t realize— Sighing, she forces herself to sit in the bed and to take her hand. "I'm sorry."

Obviously, Fatin knows something is up, but she also knows when to stop pushing. "We're good?"

Giving her a very small smile, she nods in response.

"Can we have a nap here before starting the day? I haven't been sleeping very well."

"Yeah," she whispers, then admits, "me neither."

There shouldn’t be any harm in it since they'd be sleeping. But Fatin puts an arm around her as soon as she’s next to her, and Leah is a complete mess. Her sudden thought is as intrusive as it is the most honest truth: It has only been two fucking days and she has missed this, missed her, even if she was always right there.

Then, Fatin makes a stupid joke and they laugh. Just like that, the weird tension in the air disappears, it makes them start talking about nothing important and just be themselves. Between giggles, glances and soft touches, the other kind of tension comes back. The one that makes what happens next feel inevitable.

It’s a lapse in judgment. It’s a mistake. It’s the way Fatin can make her stop thinking that leads to this moment. This is exactly why she was trying so hard not to be alone with her. To avoid this.

They’re facing each other, bodies tangled and faces inches apart, and Leah can’t fucking take it anymore so she closes the distance.

Instantly and eagerly, Fatin responds, as if she’s been waiting for this for as long as Leah has. Fatin’s lips move with hers and the warmth spreading through her is nothing like a burning building, it’s more like the fire they used to keep themselves alive.

It’s good.

Scratch that.

It’s amazing.

This kiss is the best thing that’s happened since she boarded that plane. Or since way before that, if she’s being honest.

But it shouldn’t be happening.

It shouldn’t be happening. This isn’t supposed to happen. Fatin does not like her back. Not like that. She can’t.

Leah pulls back. “I can’t.”

She runs and barely hears Fatin calling her name. Or maybe she imagines it — it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Will you just stop?!” Fatin grabs her shoulder so Leah abruptly turns around.

“I can’t— I can’t do this with you.”

“Do what? Because you seemed pretty fucking capable of—”

“No! There’s only one way this could end and I— Just leave me alone, Fatin, please.”

Trying to leave proves to be difficult when the hand that was on her shoulder is now holding tighter on her arm. “I’m not letting you run away from this. Talk to me.”

"I can't! I can’t have sex with you."

"I don't want to have sex with you!"

“Great, that’s better,” she deadpans before spitting out, “I’m not gonna fuck you because you’re in desperate need of an orgasm and you can’t do that yourself. You have the boys for that now.”

“Fuck you! That’s not what I— This is not about a fucking orgasm!”

“Well, I don’t get it then. But whatever this is for you I simply can’t give it to you.” Fatin is about to respond, she can see it but definitely does not want to hear it so she hurries out, “I can’t become obsessed with you, I’m going to hurt you and lose you and I’ll never forget you. I got over Jeff and I know I can put this whole shitshow behind me eventually, but I won’t be able to let you go. Not ever. Not you.”

Fatin is so shocked that she relaxes her muscles and Leah takes advantage of it, running away without looking back.

Not caring at all if she gets lost in these woods she's never really been in before. Her mind is only replaying the events of the last half hour.

It was a mistake, a wonderful one but a mistake nonetheless. Because for a moment there Leah got lost in all things Fatin and forgot why kissing her was a terrible idea.

And damn if it wasn't a great kiss. Fatin's lips were soft and their movements so gentle but full of desire, that the feeling lingers as if they were still pressed against her own.

God, she's never going back to the bunker.

~~~

Of course it’s Dot who finds her late that afternoon. “It’s getting late, man.”

“Thanks for coming all the way here to state the obvious.”

“Woah, I was not expecting the attitude.”

She closes her eyes, composes herself. This is her fault, not Dot’s. “Sorry.”

“Listen, I don’t know what happened and it’s none of my business but we should go back.”

Was it Fatin who sent her? Should she ask? Would it make a difference? Fatin cares, that’s out of the question, but it sure as hell isn’t in the same way she cares. It’s obvious in the way it was Leah who made the first move, in the way she was quick to deny wanting to fuck her, in how—

Fingers are suddenly snapping in front of her face. “You okay there?”

Resigned, she sighs. “I love her, Dot.”

“Dude, what the fuck?”

“What?!”

“I thought you were gonna tell me how the bunker is creeping you out or some shit like that.”

“Sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about Fatin.”

“You sure you wanna have this conversation with me?”

And well, that wasn’t her smarter move, was it? This is Fatin’s best friend she’s talking to. “I guess not.”

“You’ll be fine. Just get out of your head and talk to her.”

“Sure.” If her head had an exit door she would have used it a long time ago.

“Leah… Come on, let’s go.”

“Please ask her to sleep with you tonight, I can’t—”

“How many times do I have to tell you people I’m straight? I’m not having sex with Fatin so you can mope—”

Leah smacks her in the back of her head. “Asshole. You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I know, and you’ll owe me. Come on.”

And God, is Leah glad to have Dot in her life. Also fucking grateful she’s straight because she wouldn’t stand a chance with Fatin otherwise. Not that she stands much of a chance as it is but whatever.

This is exactly why kissing her was a mistake. She can’t begin spiraling, she’s been thinking about Fatin the entire day and there are way more important things going on right now.

As soon as they’re back, though, Fatin tries to talk to her. Leah tells her she’s tired and she insists because she doesn’t buy it, so Dot has to drag her away.

~~~

“Hey,” Fatin greets from the door of her room when she wakes up. Clearly not knowing if she’d be welcome to come in.

She gets up and sends a, “hey,” back as she goes to the bathroom. It’s tempting to stay there until Fatin gets tired and leaves, but the actual probability of it happening is low. Plus, she can’t avoid her forever. Not that she wants to.

As soon as she’s out, Fatin speaks again, “We should talk.”

“Can we please just… not?”

Fatin studies her, and she must find something she doesn’t like because there’s suddenly worry written all over her face. “If you promise not to avoid me we can absolutely do fucking small talk for the entire day.”

It doesn’t escape her that Fatin is just giving her an out for one day, but she’s gonna take advantage of it.

She smiles. “So, what happened with Shoni yesterday?”

It has the desired effect when Fatin’s mood completely changes and starts telling her all about what she missed.

It should be scary how easy it is to pretend. But she’s fine with it, doesn’t overthink it, because everything with Fatin is easy, always has been — yes, even fighting was easy with her.

As they have breakfast, Dot shoots them a curious look they both ignore. The rest of the day goes by without an incident. Even the lingering touches and yearning glances are innocent enough to be counted as how they normally act around each other.

It's after dinner when things get interesting.

“We’ve been working pretty darn well together but maybe it’s time to get to know each other better, yeah?”

A chorus of ‘no’s is mostly what Shelby gets in response, but Martha insists and, for some reason, Ivan and some of the guys are in too.

“The hot seat!” Kirin exclaims way too excited for something like this.

“Please, who would dare to—” Rachel tries but is soon interrupted by Fatin.

“I’ll go first!”

“Right, of course. My bad.”

“Great, okay, everyone gets to ask just one question. Who’s first?”

“What’s your dream job?” Josh asks.

“Ugh, boring!”

“Come on, man!”

Most of them complain in one way or another. And yeah, the question does kinda suck, and all the girls know what the answer’s gonna be, but she can’t blame Josh for not getting too personal.

“None! Why the hell would your dream be having any kind of job? Fuck that.”

“Have you ever fucked a celebrity? If so, who?” Ivan asks, and her curiosity peaks at the question. Never willing to believe any of the rumors at school, she’d like to hear the truth from the source.

Fatin smirks. “That’s two questions, and I’d totally love to tell you, but I’m not about to fucking out a girl just to give you some gossip.”

"Respect," Ivan replies.

Some of the guys are somehow surprised by the answer but it's obviously Kirin who says, “Damn, wait, you’re also gay? That explains why—”

“Okay, let me stop you right there. Labels are really not my thing. If a person is fucking hot, I don’t really care about their gender.”

“Would you really fuck Dot if she wasn’t straight?” Toni quickly asks before Kirin can respond to that.

“Dot is straight?!” A shocked Ivan asks, which is totally fair, and all the girls burst out laughing. Well, except Dot, who just rolls her eyes.

"Unfortunately, she is. And I would have, yeah. She missed her chance, though. Sorry, Dorothy."

Interesting.

“What's your biggest turn on?” Fucking Kirin asks, and Leah's eyes are in danger of falling out for rolling so hard.

"Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad you won't because you already asked a question."

"What? I didn't!"

Scotty laughs. "You did! You wasted it asking if she's gay."

"That wasn't—"

"Next!"

“Do you want to have kids someday?” Martha asks and Leah holds her breath.

It's so stupid, really. They're seventeen and Fatin doesn't even like her like that. But she can't help thinking it's one of those make-or-break a relationship kind of question.

"I mean, now that I somehow proved I'm the mom friend, I think I could do it. It'd be nice to have more of me in the world. I certainly would do a better job than my shitty parents."

Adorable images of little Fatins running around invade her mind. Fatin would totally be a great mother.

"You know, it's kinda contradictory that you love yourself but think that your parents did a poor job," Henry points out.

"I'm this way despite my parents, not because of them."

A great answer and, as far she knows, it’s pretty accurate. She can’t help but be proud of her.

“Most embarrassing moment?” Raf asks.

She thinks about it so much that it seems for a moment that she won’t answer. How freeing it would feel to not be constantly embarrassing yourself. A foreign concept to her, really.

Fatin finally shrugs. "Probably the state of shock Dot had to see me in after we crashed, especially now, knowing it was staged."

"That can't be your worst, that's not even embarrassing," Josh says.

It's Toni who answers, "Fatin doesn't do embarrassing."

“Do you have any tattoos?” Scotty asks.

"I have one and, before anyone asks, most of you won't ever see it."

Her mouth goes instantly dry, the complete opposite as another part of her body. She's seen Fatin with little to no clothes at this point and she has never seen a tattoo.

She needs to think about something else fast—

“Where was the craziest place you had sex in?”

"No!"

"Fucking hell."

"Shelby, why?"

All the girls complain, beyond tired of listening to Fatin talk about sex.

"Nice one, Texas, I knew you were curious! We were on a stupid field trip to a museum and there was a hot twenty-something security guy who offered, with an awful pun about dinosaur bones I'm glad I forgot… We did it right by a dinosaur when the rest of the students were very near us. I still don't know why an art school took us all to a boring not-art museum, but whatever, it worked for me."

"Wait."

"Oh my God, you were there!"

Everyone laughs and makes comments Leah doesn't care to pay attention to. "Fatin, what the fuck? Of course I was there!"

"Well, be glad we were careful."

"I still did not need to know that."

Fatin manages to mumble a "sorry," that probably no one but her notices. She doesn't quite get it, but appreciates it anyway.

“Biggest regret?” Bo asks next.

"Probably a tie. What I did to my family, and not believing Leah."

That knocks the air out of her lungs. How is this woman even real? Is that really her biggest regret? She has to avert her eyes because she won’t be held accountable for what she does if they meet Fatin’s right now.

“What’s the first thing you wanna do when we get out of here?”

Fucking Henry, she was counting on him to make a good question. Although, to be fair, it’s not his fault, it is a good one, and it shouldn’t necessarily be about sex but... The girls groan and complain again because they know what's coming.

"To hug my brothers and spend an entire day with them."

Well, apparently, they didn’t.

"Hold on, does that mean you’ve already fucked someone here?" Toni asks. Leah thinks she knows the answer, they had this conversation already, and yet she doesn't know if she wants to hear it, just in case.

"You already asked a question." The teasing deflection does nothing to calm Leah's racing heart. Fatin steals a glance her way before adding, "but no. I just changed my mind."

As if it's nothing. As if she hadn't spent weeks on the first island complaining about the lack of dicks and her lack of orgasms.

Rachel is up next and Leah is nervous for a second. But relief flows through her when the question seems harmless. “Is there anyone you hate? Like, really hate.”

“I’d say my dad, but I don’t think it’s completely true, as much as I want it to be. But fuck me if I don’t really hate Jeff fucking Galanis.”

Some of the guys ask, “Who’s that?”

At the same time that Leah’s blurting out, “Ugh, I swear, sometimes I think you’re more obsessed with him than I ever was,” before she can think better of it.

Truth is, it’s very sweet that Fatin hates his guts. And the protective side of her always turns her on.

“Hey! Can’t blame a girl for hating the creep who broke your heart and messed you up.”

Yeah, impossible for her heart not to do somersaults around this girl.

“Wait, Leah is also straight? I swear I don’t get you all.”

“I’m bi and not in the hot seat right now.”

“Yeah, can we please go back to me?”

"Okay, my turn."

"Make it juicy, bitch."

Dot smirks and… Did she just quickly glance at her for a second there? Oh no, Dot, don’t you fucking there. Why is it that the floor never opens up and swallows you when you need it to?

"What's your favorite thing about the island?"

Oh, thank God! It's an inside joke, if the way she asks and the way Fatin glares at her for an almost imperceptive millisecond are anything to go by.

But then her gaze lands on Leah who panics again, and Fatin gets lost in thought before she looks at Dot again.

"The sea. And yeah, it's easy to think it's because of its gorgeous shade of blue, and sure, that's part of it. But, what I really love about it is everything there is under the surface, you know? It's all the different things you can see when you get close enough. The unknown depth it contains. So huge and full of mystery, I wouldn't mind getting lost in trying to know everything about it."

"Ugh, gross, dude. I'm fucking sorry I asked."

Fatin laughs and, for the duration of it, it slips Leah’s mind that she's supposed to try to figure out what was that about. Because that is a beautiful melody and a lovely sight.

However, when the laughter stops, she replays the whole thing in her mind. She's so stuck on trying to understand what she's missing that Rachel has to slap her arm to get her attention. "You're the only one left. Better be a good one, Rilke."

"Yeah, Leah, this is your chance. Ask me anything you want," Fatin says with a cheeky grin.

Their eyes lock and it's pretty intense. For the first time today she'd like nothing more than to run away from her. To hide some place where thinking of kissing her won't end up with her making an even bigger mistake. Because she's quite sure she won't be able to stop if it happens again.

But Fatin stares and the tension grows as an eyebrow raises. Almost as if daring her to ask something.

A million questions could be asked — there are too many, too fast for one to even finish forming in her brain. Not that it matters, because none of them are appropriate for this context. Even if Fatin wants her to ask them. She doesn't particularly want to know the answer to most of them anyway.

"Uhm, so, what's your favorite cello piece to play?"

"What?"

"Veto."

"Jesus, what the fuck?"

"Come on!"

Everyone has an opinion, and she's glad that no one else seems to hear Rachel muttering, "coward," in between fake coughs.

But Fatin doesn't protest. And although she looks a bit disappointed, her eyes soften and she begins to answer when one of the boys cuts her off.

"We won't even understand the answer. Come on, ask something else or you're next on the hot seat."

She exhaustingly sighs. "Fine, I'll go with Kirin's fucking question then, I don't care. What's your biggest turn on?"

She very much cares.

"You," she says with a smirk and a teasing tone that's meant to sound like a joke. As if she would have said the same thing to Dot or Shelby.

But there might also be some truth to it, at least today. God knows it's true the other way around, even if there are also feelings involved on her part.

There's a series of wolf cries and laughter, Rachel facepalms, and Dot says, "God, get a room."

"Don't be jealous, Dorothy, at this point just about anything is my biggest turn on. Do you know how long it has been since my last orgasm?"

It works like a charm to return the focus completely to Fatin and away from Leah, so she's more than grateful for that.

Scotty is in the hot seat next and Leah takes the opportunity to go to bed before someone decides it's her turn to answer questions.

~~~

Unsurprisingly, Fatin is in her room again the next morning.

"If you can't let go of something it usually means you shouldn't."

If she wasn't awake before, that sure does the trick. "What?" she asks as she sits in the bed.

Fatin takes it as a sign to enter, closing the door behind her. "You told me that—"

"I know but why- why are you throwing my words back at me?"

"Because I don't want you to let me go," she says matter-of-factly, like it's obvious, like Leah should know this already.

"Fatin…”

"We kissed, Leah."

"I’m not talking about this."

She gets up and tries to move past her but Fatin stops her by holding her wrist before she can. “Well, can you at least not be a bitch about it and just listen?”

Freeing her arm is easy this time. Easier than hiding the desperation in her voice when she asks, “Why? Why can’t you just forget about it?!”

“Because I fucking love you!”

The shouted words get swallowed by an intake of breath that can probably be heard from the nearest continent — wherever the hell that is. They stay as a lump in her throat, though. It's a fight between getting them all the way to her heart and giving them back.

Fatin deflates and, with a voice that sounds softer and more tired than ever, she says, “Goddamnit, Leah, I love you.”

“No. No no no. No, you don’t!” Okay, that wasn't one of the options. It's a pretty bad reaction, she's well aware of that. But denial can be a powerful thing. How can it be true? No one can witness everything Fatin has seen from her and still love her, not like that. “You don’t know shit about love!”

“Maybe I didn’t, maybe I still don’t. But I do know every time you almost died on the first island, it killed me. I know seeing you smile makes my day every damn time and I’d do anything to see that happen more often. I know that proving you were right was what kept me going. I know the only thing keeping me sane in this fucking prison was thinking about seeing you again. What is that if not love? I don’t even want to fuck anyone else, did you know that? I’m honestly not interested because no one else is you.”

She’s usually the romantic one, she’d be waxing poetic about Fatin all day if she wasn’t preoccupied with beating Gretchen at her own game. This time, though, she has no idea how to respond to that. It's the best declaration of love she's ever heard and she's speechless.

“But you said you didn’t want to have sex with me,” is what she lamely ends up saying. She can’t help it, though. Because the thing that really gets to her out of Fatin’s whole speech, the thing that makes it truly click, is the end of it. The girl who has been talking about dicks and sex every day for fifty fucking days, is suddenly not interested.

“I don’t. I mean, I do, obviously, but it’s not only about that with you. And as much as I want to, maybe we shouldn’t do that just yet. I truly think we should take this slow.” After a short pause, she gets visibly nervous, which is a weird sight because it's quite out of character for her. "If you want this, of course."

"Fatin, I…” In the frenzy of the last few seconds they ended up a bit more apart than necessary. So, stepping closer, she places a hand on Fatin’s cheek. “Of course I do."

Words are failing her for some reason, so leaning in is the best possible way to show her how she feels. She pours the enormity of her emotions into a kiss that becomes deep and passionate very quickly. Fatin takes charge, making sure their bodies are pressed together and Leah moans and Fatin smiles into it, and Leah’s hands find skin on her lower back and— this is not going in the direction of slow.

Still, it’s Fatin who pulls away a while later. Leah probably would never have.

It takes her a moment after regaining her breath and gazing at those lovely dark eyes full of love and desire to come into her senses — or for her anxiety to take over, but who needs to be specific. “I, uh, what happens when it gets to be too much? I’m not— You’re gonna leave—”

“Stop.” Two hands cup her face and Leah is a very strong woman who’s not gonna cry right now. “We’ve literally seen the worst of each other and we’re still here. I’m here, Leah. If we can make it through this hellhole together, we can work through fucking anything. I love you.”

Fatin loves her. It’s undeniable at this point. It’s in her words, in her careful touches, in her eyes, in the way she kisses her. Fatin loves her and she’s most likely been loving her for a while.

“I love you too,” she finally breathes out with a hoarse voice.

Fatin kisses her this time, slowly, lovingly. As if this is the only thing she wants to be doing. They move to the bed without separating their bodies, but it doesn't get more heated than that. Even when Leah's mouth travels down to Fatin's neck, it's still only a show of love, just another place to keep kissing her, not really looking for anything else.

"Leah…"

Fucking hell, that's a whole new way of her saying her name. A breathy, hotter, new way that could absolutely be the death of her. She kisses with a little more intensity in response, with a bit more want, more—

"Wait…"

She stops. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Fatin says before giving her a peck on the lips and a reassuring smile. "We need to get going, you know? We're on food duty today."

"Is that an euphemism? Is it because Shelby and Toni used to—"

"Leah!" she says through her laughter. "You're gonna make it really difficult for us to go slow, aren't you?"

“Not my fault you’re irresistible,” she teases and kisses her because she can. “Besides, the girls would be thrilled if I finally gave you an orgasm, you know?” She grins before resting her head on Fatin’s chest, snuggling further into her, relishing in the safety of her arms tightening around her.

“Right, I’m glad your concern is to make the girls happy.”

“I’d be their hero, Fatin.”

“I don’t know about that, I probably wouldn’t be able to shut up about you.” And those words followed by a kiss on her head make her swoon a little. “They’ll end up hating us both, Dot’s already sick of me.”

That reminds her… “Oh, what was that with Dot’s question about last night?”

“Jesus, that was cheesy.” She’s ready to argue, because Fatin surely doesn’t want to answer if that’s her response. But a hand softly touches her cheek, thumb caressing her features. “You’re the island. It’s a stupid joke she made,” Fatin starts and ends up retelling the conversation they had when she confessed her feelings for Leah to Dot.

“So, wait. If I’m the island, your answer…”

The thumb runs through her forehead and down to her chin to move her face slightly up, forcing her to witness the gaze of pure devotion staring back at her. “Your eyes. But not just their color, it’s everything there’s behind them, everything you are.”

"Fuck off.” Leah slaps her hand away and hides her own face. “You expect me to go fucking slow when you keep saying shit like that?"

Fatin laughs way too hard, involuntarily separating them. Which makes her take advantage of that and stands up. "Come on, you horny bitch, we should go have breakfast before someone comes looking for us."

Leah takes the offered hand and returns the kiss that comes her way as soon as she's up.

~~~

Breakfast is a loud affair with most of them there talking about everything they learned from each other the night before. For a long time, Leah truly believes nobody noticed she left early.

"I still think Leah should take the hot seat." Fucking Raf, really. Completely unnecessary.

"Yeah, can't let her off the hook."

It’s still hard to believe that they did the stupid icebreaker thing all the way to the end, with everyone having a turn. Maybe staying wouldn’t have been so bad, especially since apparently they're gonna force her to do it anyway.

"In my defense, I wasn't really here for most of it, so it's almost like I wasn't even part of it."

"Come on, we can do it right now before getting to work. We just want to get to know you more."

She can feel Fatin ready to put up a fight for her. It's sweet, but unnecessary. "I'll do it tonight only if I get to ask my questions to each of you. It's only fair, not even the one I asked Fatin was really my own."

They all look at each other, confirming everyone agrees. "Deal."

Dot and Rachel not very discreetly follow them out of the bunker.

The silence isn’t exactly uncomfortable as they walk. But without nothing else to do, her thoughts start getting the better of her. She’s sure she's not dreaming, so what if this is Ben Folds all over again? What if her mind gave up on her last night after so many days of keeping it together? This is too good to be true. Fatin is way too good for her and has been doing everything so fucking well, it has to be a product of her imagination.

She shakes her head but Fatin is still by her side and the girls are still behind them.

"What are you guys doing?" She finally asks when it's obvious they're not changing course — and maybe a little conversation will help distract her.

"It's our day off," Rachel replies, shrugging.

"Yes, so why are you fucking following us?" Fatin says, sounding as fed up as Leah feels.

"We are your best friends. We figured we deserved the exclusive."

Okay, well. It is real if other people are talking about it. She has no reason to hallucinate Dot and Rachel all up in their business.

Fatin rolls her eyes. "I think I can speak for both of us when I say that the main reason you're our best friends is because neither of you like to stick your noses in other people's shit."

She doesn't know what to do. They didn't talk about this yet. Of course she wants to tell Rachel and she doesn't mind Dot knowing, but she can't just jump in without knowing what Fatin wants.

And maybe that's why Fatin isn't saying much of anything either.

"You made it our business when you eye-fucked in front of everyone last night."

"We didn't eye— Okay, you know what? Of course you're gonna have the fucking exclusive, I'm assuming you both know how we feel already, so please, kindly fuck off for now and let us enjoy our morning alone."

"Okay, that was hot," with a smirk, she breathes out.

"God, Barbara, what did we do?" Rachel regretfully asks Dot as she takes her arm and leads her away.

"No fucking near the food!" Dot shouts back as they leave.

"You heard Dot. Keep it in your pants, Jadmani."

"Please, like I need to remind you you're the one unwilling to wait."

They get to work mostly in comfortable silence. With a few kisses here and there to keep them going. Something she really could get used to.

Deciding to take a break, they sit cuddling under a tree, with Fatin between her legs and her back pressed to Leah.

The position gives her the perfect excuse to kiss the back of her neck and a bit of her shoulders.

After a few seconds, Fatin interlaces their fingers and clears her throat. "So… what should we tell the others?"

"Honestly? I don't know, whatever you want. I'm still trying my best to believe that this is really happening and not my mind playing tricks on me."

"Leah…" Fatin says, turning around as much as she can without breaking the embrace.

"I just— nevermind, I'm being stupid."

"You're not. I can't believe this either. You have every reason to doubt it, and to doubt me, but I promise—"

"I don't. I know what I said before but I don't doubt your feelings, Fatin. You wear your heart on your sleeve, whether you like to admit it or not."

No. This isn’t about Fatin. This is about her own insecurity, her anxiety, her hallucinations, her mind going dark sometimes.

She gets a very sweet kiss in response. "Well, I promise this is real. You're fine."

"Thank you." She’s the one who presses their lips together this time. "I'll probably tell Rachel everything, I'm sure you're gonna do the same with Dot."

"Yeah, we can tell them later together if you want."

"I don't really care who here knows. And there's also probably video evidence of all of this somewhere, so..." she trails off.

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"I love you, Fatin, and I've been out and labeled as the lovesick girl for a while now. This is the first time you— this is your first—"

"You can say relationship. I won't run away, bitch."

"One would think we would've moved on to 'babe' now… But anyway, yes, this is your first relationship so I'll follow your lead."

"This would be your first relationship in the open too, you know?"

"And I can't wait. I mean, I can, you know, just whatever you want is fine. You could—"

"Breathe. Relax. Of course I'll tell the fucking world you're mine, babe. In fact I can scream it right now." She abruptly stands up and shouts, "HEY-OH! I LOVE—"

Leah laughs and tugs at her hand. "You're ridiculous, come back here."

"I can't wait to see Raf's face."

They laugh and continue to do so as they imagine everyone's reactions. They spend the day together collecting food from different trees and plants.

It's by far the best day of their islands' lives.

Before it gets dark, they go to the beach and find Dot and Rachel sitting on the shore. It's as good a time as any.

"Hey, losers!"

"Hey to you, lovebirds."

"Kiss my ass, Dorothy."

"You think Leah would let me?"

"I'm standing right here. And I'm not interested in changing whatever weird relationship you guys have going, so be my guest."

Both of them sit down, leaving no space between their sides.

"So…" Rachel pushes.

"I'll say this once and will deny it for the rest of my fucking life: Leah made the first move. She kissed me first and freaked out. Then I blurted out that I love her and, after we cleared that up, she kissed me again."

"I did not freak out."

"Bitch, please!"

"I thought you just wanted me to give you an orgasm! I was trying to protect myself and our friendship!"

"I know, babe. I'm sorry." Fatin wraps her arms around her and places a kiss on her temple.

"Gross. What I'm getting is that Fatin is already whipped and they're going to be worse than Shoni ever were?"

"Unfortunately, yes. You should hear Fatin talking about Leah, man. It's disgusting."

"I'm gonna regret asking this then, but I think we deserve to know at this point. How was your first orgasm in ages? Everything you were hoping for, or were your expectations so high that they were impossible to meet?"

Here Rachel is, albeit unnecessarily given the circumstances, somehow helping her again. By making her feel better in the very possible case that their first time might’ve sucked.

"The 'last day since' counter hasn't restarted yet. Thank you for your concern," Fatin answers, pretending to be touched by the question and Leah wants to kiss her again.

The other two girls turn to her and she understands why. And even though she's not one to divulge her personal life, it's with satisfaction that she says, "don't look at me. She's the one who doesn't want to."

Because it's not every day she gets to tease or make fun of someone like Fatin. And she knows damn well what this information will do to their entire group of friends.

To be fair, Fatin does deserve it a little after all they had to hear about without asking for it.

“What?!"

"Dude, what the fuck?"

"You know damn well what, Dorothy. I love her. I'll do this right for both of our sakes."

"Damn! Love?"

"I told you they'd be getting a U-Haul if we'd have that here."

"Straight people don't usually know that shit, Dorothy."

"Whatever. I'm proud of you, dipshit," she says with a punch to Fatin's arm before looking at Leah. "And I'm happy for you guys."

"Yeah, what she said." Rachel tries to sound uninterested but the sincerity in her eyes gives her away.

Leah smiles at them. Her heart swells so much it’s like the love she has for her friends, her new family, doesn’t fit in her chest.

"Well, shall we wrap this sappy-fest up and get back? I have a girlfriend to feed."

She dies a little at the word as Rachel and Dot groan at the same time, and they all stand up.

"Hey! You should be glad I didn't say 'to eat'."

"I hate you."

"Jesus, Fatin."

"Yeah, we should've seen that coming."

Fatin laughs until Leah gets extremely close to her ear and whispers, "I'll be thinking about that in the shower."

And that shower is gonna be pretty damn soon because the need to get off is huge. But when Fatin's breath hitches and she gulps, the realization that Fatin — God, her girlfriend — can't do anything about it on her own hits her. So instead of fun that was almost cruel of her.

"Sorry. I forgot—"

"It's fine, I started it, so…"

"Fatin."

"Leah, I'm fine, you're not gonna be able to avoid turning me on, because I'm already incredibly hot for you. And I'm also enjoying this playful side of you, so don't stop on my behalf."

“Either you’re gonna regret that or we’re going to throw ‘slow’ out the window.”

Fatin smirks. “Bring it.”

If she spends more time than usual in the shower, it’s not only to let Fatin’s imagination run wild.

Everyone’s gathered in the dining room when she arrives. They eat and talk and everything’s fine until someone remembers she has to play the stupid questions game.

She asks everyone questions. Some are deep, things she’s curious to know about the girls. Some are spicy, not really because she’s interested, but just to get them off her back.

Her last question is to Fatin, “Are you still planning on going to LA when we get out of here?”

“Leah…”

“It’s fine. I just want to know.”

“My parents were dead set on sending me to boarding school, so if it comes to LA or that, yeah, even if I don’t particularly want to leave the Bay anymore. But if they changed their minds after all this…” Fatin pauses and looks at Dot, who shrugs.

“Dude, I don’t care where we’re living as long as I’m not in that house alone. And I don’t mind if it’s three of us, by the way… or seven.”

“I guess that settles it then.”

Satisfied with the answer, she smiles. “And I guess it’s my turn on the hot seat, let’s get this over with.”

Some of them ask her random questions.

Then it’s Ivan’s turn. “So… what’s the story behind Jeff?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“Hey, it was just a question and it wasn’t even directed at you, bitch.”

“Fatin, it’s fine.” Their eyes lock in a secret fight until Fatin drops it. “Jeff is my ex, ended badly, and it wasn’t until—” Until Fatin… “the first island that I understood how fucked up it was. He was older, it’s a whole thing and this is all I’m saying about it.”

Thankfully, probably sensing her need for a subject change, Shelby hurries out her question, “Well, as the third member of the trainwreck trio, I’d like to know if you’re feeling less of a trainwreck these days?”

It stumps her. Shelby is trying to tell her something, they were never a trio, she needs to remember these exact words for future reference, they feel too important. She repeats them over and over in her head until someone moves a hand in front of her face and Fatin is slapping that hand away.

“Uhm, I— yeah, I’m definitely better. Thank you.”

Fatin gets closer to rub her arm and it immediately calms her racing thoughts. However, Raf doesn’t seem to notice her turmoil and asks, “Why did you come to my room instead of someone else’s?”

She fights the urge to roll her eyes. Fatin doesn’t, makes a whole show of it, and Leah would be lying if she said she didn’t like her jealousy — as long as it’s a sane amount.

“I’d originally stolen the keycard to go see Fatin but I didn’t know where she was. Then I found out about you guys, and I needed to know your side of things. Your file had your room number and it said you were loyal, reliable and entirely too trusting.”

He focuses on the floor and doesn’t say anything. She does feel bad for him, but she knows he appreciates the truth.

Kirin’s up next and she really doesn’t want to do this anymore, but she’ll stay here until the end. “Fuck, marry, kill, anyone here. Seth doesn’t count.”

She breathes out. It’s an easy question. There’s an obvious answer but they are not going to let her use the same person twice. She smirks without knowing if her smug tone is directed at Kirin or Fatin. Probably at both, but for very different reasons. “I’d fuck Fatin, marry Dot and kill you.”

“Bitch, what the fuck?!” Fatin is the first to react.

But Kirin is not that far behind, saying almost at the same time, “I knew you had a problem with me. What did I ever do to you?”

“Is she mad that Leah would fuck her or that she won’t marry her?” Toni asks.

“Definitely the latter,” Dot answers.

Leah ignores them and laughs at Fatin before jokingly answering, “I know we established that you don’t want to fuck me, Fatin. But you can’t blame me for thinking you’re hot.”

“That’s not— Why would you marry Dot?”

Lifting her hands, she points towards the girl in question and, as it’s the most obvious thing in the world, replies, “She’s Dot, none of us would be alive if it wasn’t for her. Don’t worry, you can marry her too.”

“You wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for me.”

Now this is irrational jealousy, and she’s almost sure both of them are joking but still. She does roll her eyes this time, barely hiding a smile. “Fuck off, Fatin, you know damn well in reality I’d end up marrying you if I could. But for the purpose of this game, that’s my answer.”

Fatin smiles, finally happy with the answer. “Dorothy, you did say you were willing to live with us. So are you ready to marry us too?”

“Hell no.”

“Hey, what’s your problem with me?”

“Again, it’s just a game and you asked. I wouldn’t actually kill you, but you keep trying to get into Fatin’s pants and it gets annoying when you can’t take a fucking hint.”

“Why do you care? Do you like Fatin or something?”

Leah smirks, in different circumstances she’d proudly answer that question, but she gets a little satisfaction out of him not playing by the rules. “One question per person, and I answered two from you already.”

“Okay,” sweet Martha intervenes. “Do you still think love is ‘misery, doubt, and a shit-ton of self-loathing’?”

“No, I was just in a bad place when I said that, and honestly? I’m realizing that that wasn’t even love… Love is being willing to die for the other person while actually wanting to live to make sure nothing bad happens to them. Love is being brave enough to get through anything. Love is feeling that everything is worth it, even if you’re living in literal hell.”

“Oh, fuck you, tell me it’s my turn now.”

Fatin seems annoyed and way too eager to ask something. It scares her a little. “Sure.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Along with the surprised gasps and loud “what”s of their friends, the laugh bursts out of her before she can stop it. It’s the relief mixed with the amusement for the silly question and the way she’s obviously wanting to, as if she can’t contain it any longer. Not to mention how sweet it is of her to ask because they’d be kissing in front of literally everyone. “You’re gonna waste your question like that? You know you never need to ask.”

She feels more than she sees Fatin coming. She pulls her on her feet and grabs her by her neck. There’s a breathy, barely there, “I love you so fucking much,” said against her mouth and Leah loses herself in all things Fatin.

She truly does not know nor care about whatever is happening around them.

But when her roaming hands go up Fatin’s back under her shirt, she finally hears Dot. “Okay! Get a room. I’m begging you.”

“Oh, you’re not the one who’s gonna be begging, Dorothy.”

“Please, you’re not even gonna have sex. You’re apparently all talk, I’m disappointed to say.”

“Wait, what? What’s going on?”

“Leah and Fatin are a thing but Fatin doesn’t want to have sex. Keep up, Toni,” Rachel deadpans.

“What the fuck?”

“C’mon, Toni, you named them Leatin after you heard Fatin calling us Shoni. You knew there was something between them.”

“Well, obviously, but Fatin not wanting sex?!”

“Hey! For your information, I do want to, I’m just trying to be a good fucking girlfriend. Jesus!”

“Do you know what good girlfriends do? Give their girls an orgasm.”

“Are you sure you want to lecture me about good girlfriend behavior?”

“Low blow, Jadmani.”

“Maybe you should stay out of my business then.”

“You are the one who made this our business since the day we met!”

“Okay, stop it, y’all,” Shelby says, rolling her eyes. “Get in here, you two! I’m so happy!” Both of them go willingly into her arms, and Martha hugs them next.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re all happy for you. I’m going to bed, losers.”

Toni leaves and Shelby hesitates.

“Go get your girl back.”

“I’m— She doesn’t—”

“Maybe having myself a girlfriend has turned me into a romantic but I bet my ass that she will never not love you. Never.”

A meaningful look passes through them, but before Shelby has time to react Leah says, “Don’t let her fool you, she’s always been a romantic.”

Shelby laughs. “Oh yes, I know.” Then, she runs.

“Bitch!” Fatin shouts and Leah doesn’t know whether it’s to Shelby or her. Probably both. She laughs anyway.

Dot rolls her eyes. “Please, those books you like to read? We all knew.”

~~~

“Oh my God, Shelby!” She exclaims as she jolts awake.

“I know I look like I could win a pageant, but I’m certainly not from Texas.”

“What?” She asks, rubbing her eyes. It takes her a second to get the joke. “Oh. Funny.”

“I’m hilarious, but more interested in the fun dream you had about Shelby.”

If only it would’ve been a good dream instead of her mind replying Shelby’s words over and over again until it finally clicked. She can’t tell Fatin, not here. “Well, you see, when your girlfriend is hot but won’t do anything above a PG-13 rating with you, your mind has to resort to other things… And have you seen Shelby?”

“Details, Leah, I want details!”

Of course Fatin wouldn’t be mad about a sex dream. Of course she’d want to know everything. Leah laughs. “Come on, I’ll tell you everything at the waterfall.”

Fatin pulls her in for a kiss as soon as they arrive. “Fucking finally. I’ve always wanted to kiss you by a waterfall.”

She bashfully chuckles and leads her to the water. Right beneath the cascade. “Shelby is working for Gretchen.”

“I’m sorry, what?!”

“Well, I think she’s trying to play double agent or something and that’s why she told me yesterday, with her question. She said she’s the third member of the trainwreck trio. We were always two. It only makes sense if she’s the third member of our group to be working for Gretchen.”

“So she probably has useful shit to share with us?”

“Hopefully.”

“That bitch really messed with the wrong group of teenagers, huh?”

“Girls. I think the boys are exactly what she was expecting.”

They laugh and make plans to talk to Shelby. Which won't happen until after their make out session in the water.

When they get back, they find her and Toni kissing on the shore. "Of course you're here doing that instead of getting our food."

"Oh, like you two are any better?"

"We would never let you starve."

"We didn't—" Toni stops talking after receiving an incredulous look from all of them, Shelby included. "Okay, but that happened once. And no one died…" Suddenly, she sighs. And leaving all traces of defensiveness behind, in a regretful, softer tone, she adds, "Not because of that, anyway."

Her head snaps towards Shelby, whose eyes widen in realization and silently plead to Leah.

She gets the message loud and clear. She knows about Nora but can't tell a soul. Well, no one told her she has to stay quiet, so… "Oh, guys, uhm," she says to them both because Shelby isn't supposed to know, "Nora's alive."

"What?!" Toni is stunned enough that she doesn't notice Shelby's bad 'pretends to be shocked' face.

"I think they got her out. We want to have some proof before telling Rachel but I truly believe it's true."

"How about we celebrate the good news by going for a swim?" Fatin enthusiastically says.

"It'll get dark soon," Toni says.

Shelby eyes them knowingly and takes Toni's hand. "Come on, it'll be fun."

The moment they're in the water, Shelby comes clean about everything. How Gretchen didn't give her much of a choice, using Martha's health to manipulate her. How she asked for proof about Nora being alive before agreeing to anything.

"What? What do you have?" Leah asks.

"She gave me Nora's ring. She had it on when she— it's engraved. They could've known and made one just like it but…"

Shelby trails off and it's Fatin who finishes for her, "that's a lot less likely than her being alive when we have every fucking reason to believe she is."

"What are these reasons?"

"Leah's gut feeling is more than enough for me."

The smile she musters is small but the love she feels threatens to burst out of her. She pecks her girlfriend's lips when she remembers she can. "Thanks, but also Gretchen said it to both of us, and there's no logical explanation for her to lie about that. We need to give Rachel the ring."

"I can't, y'all."

"Not you." Fatin says as she puts a hand on her shoulder. "We'll go to your room and make a show out of snooping around and steal it from you."

"Okay. In a couple of days so it's not too suspicious after this? Also, we should get back before Dot makes a plan to kill us all."

~~~

The next day goes by quickly, and at night she and Fatin are lying in her bed making out. It starts out slow but it gets heated and they’re too into it, neither of them thinking or saying anything. Until Fatin’s hand moves to the hem of her underwear.

“Wait. Should we…?”

“Stop? No.”

“Are you sure? I mean, didn't you want to take it slow?"

"Well, I don't know shit about relationships so why the hell are we following my lead?"

Leah laughs. "You're just horny."

"Bitch, I'm way past horny at this point. I don't know what I am. But you're my girlfriend and we've been foreplaying since like the fifth day on the island, so I can recognize my logic was flawed. I love you, Leah, please let me show you how much."

How can she say no to that? It’s not like she needed to be convinced in the first place anyway. And the fact that, at first, Fatin gives so much without taking anything for herself makes Leah come undone.

The girl who needs an orgasm as if it was oxygen takes her time and makes it all about her. All about truly showing her how much she cares. She feels more comfortable than she imagined she'd be. But it's not surprising, this is Fatin after all, she feels safer with her than she ever felt with anyone.

The entire night is as hot as she has been expecting. But also incredibly special. The love they have for each other is evident in every kiss and every touch, in their gasps and moans, in the ways they check with one another if things are okay. After everything is said and — especially — done, Leah feels a kind of peace and happiness she hasn't felt in a long time. And Fatin?

In spite of her obvious best efforts not to, Fatin bursts into tears.

Uncontrollable, desperate, tears. Leah pulls her towards her, hugging her tight, kissing whatever part of her head she has near.

Sometimes crying after an orgasm can happen. It's common even in the most normal of circumstances. And these are anything but normal circumstances. Emotions are running high since they crashed — or landed, or whatever.

And Fatin has been a solid rock of emotional support for everyone for the most part of this. This was bound to happen at some point. It would have actually worried her if it didn't. So with soothing caresses and a few soft words, she lets it happen.

"Le-ah!"

"I'm here. I'm right here. You're fine, let it out."

"I'm sorry, I can't— I don't know why…"

"No need to apologize. Take a deep breath. You'll be fine."

She takes care of her. She lets her cry, tells her she loves her, how strong she is, and how she truly believes they're gonna be okay. But mostly she just keeps on hugging her and rubbing her back.

It takes a while, but eventually she calms down. "Well, that was pathetic," Fatin tries to joke. "I don't know what happened."

"You've been repressing your emotions since day one. Granted, you had your moments, but mostly? You try so hard to be fine, for yourself and for us… It had to catch up with you at some point."

"Yeah, but after our first time? That shit was embarrassing."

"First? Are you implying that you're willing to sleep with the same person twice?"

That gets her a shove and a chuckle. "Shut up."

"Fatin. It could have easily been me, and you wouldn't have thought that if it had been, would you?"

"Of course not."

"It's okay. I love you and I'm glad I can be here for you the same way you always are for me."

"I love you so fucking much."

In return, she gives her a slow, meaningful kiss that says she loves her too better than her words ever could.

Then, she goes for a slight change of subject because Fatin obviously needs it. "So… was it okay? You know, breakdown aside, did you have a good night?" She bites her lip waiting for her answer, insecurity getting the better of her. Intellectually she knows it was great, but this is still Fatin Jadmani and she's still just Leah Rilke. So it’s really hard to imagine living up to Fatin's expectations of her highly anticipated orgasm.

Fatin runs her thumb over Leah's lips, effectively stopping the biting. "It was fucking amazing. And I'm not just saying that because it's been too long. I think… Jesus, this is gonna be cringe. You know I had a lot of sex, but I never made love with someone before. I don't think I will ever get tired of doing any of this with you."

"And you had the audacity to say you don't know shit about love…"

"I didn't know you yet."

And just like that, just for that, Fatin gets another orgasm. They both sleep soundly and happily afterwards.

~~~

They wake up to absolute chaos.

“Ugh. What the fuck is happening?”

“God, I don’t even want to find out.”

“I was looking forward to an entire day without leaving this bed.” Smirking, she presses closer into her, attaching her lips to Leah’s neck.

“Fatiiiin,” she whines, “you’re not helping.”

“I’m trying, babe.”

“Not what I mean. Let’s go see if they’re killing each other.”

There are armed men all over the place. But they don’t get far before Rachel ambushes them. “Thank fuck you guys are awake. I was coming to find you. They’re saying they’re FBI but no one knows what to believe anymore. White boys are acting like these guys can’t start shooting us all at any minute, even if they’re the real deal.”

“Fuck, okay, let’s go.” They run towards the commotion, it’s such a literal chaos that no one sees them coming in. “Hey, assholes, can you just stop!” Fatin yells loud enough and, surprisingly, they listen and stop talking. All eyes are on them now.

“Leah Rilke? I’m agent Jacobson, FBI. We’re here to rescue you all.”

Straightening up, she’s about to reply with the determination they need from the leader she doesn’t really think she is. But the comments start up again and the armed men are getting nervous and it’s all too distracting.

Thankfully, though, Fatin is quick to point out, “What the hell did I say not too long ago?! It’s her turn to speak, so you’ll shut up and listen!”

A chuckle escapes her and she tries to get a grip. Breathing in and out before stepping in front of the agent. “No offense, but I’m afraid we’re gonna need more than a badge. If you know our circumstances I’m sure you understand.”

“Yes, we’ve been trying to let everyone here know, but it hasn’t been easy.” Then, he looks at one of his colleagues and says, “Bring the boy.”

It’s confusing for a few seconds until she lands her eyes on him. “Ian?”

Ian runs towards her with a breathless, “Leah,” and she meets him in the middle for a crushing hug.

Could this really be? He smells like Ian, he feels like Ian. She puts some distance between them and touches his face. “Is it really you? Is this really—?”

“It’s real. It’s the real FBI, I promise.”

That’d be good to know, if she was able to believe it. But right now the need to know she’s not losing her mind is greater. “You’re real?”

He frowns. “Yeah… Are you okay?”

From behind her, someone places a hand on her shoulder and it relaxes her even before hearing the words. “He’s real, Leah. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be also hallucinating fucking Ian of all people,” Fatin says with a teasing voice, and it takes an enourmous amount of strength not to turn around and kiss her.

“Fatin?!”

“Hi. So didn’t your buddies tell you I was also here?”

“They said the less I know, the better.” He glances back and forth between them. “So, you’re friends now?”

“Oh my fucking God, Ian, not now.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Anyway, we know Leah asked you to go to the FBI and all, but how can we trust you? Gretchen could’ve easily manipulated you.”

“I would never do anything to hurt her.”

“Oh, why? Because you’re too in—”

“Fatin.”

“Leah, come on, he—”

“I know," she assures her before turning back to him. "She’s right, we’ve had moles and Gretchen is capable of anything. We’re not getting on another plane until we know for sure we’re not gonna land somewhere even worse.”

The hurt on his face is a hard pill to swallow. Usually, he wouldn’t hurt her. But Fatin’s right, he’s in love with her to the point that he’d do anything for her. And that’s exactly what Gretchen could’ve used to her advantage.

Agent Jacobson takes the hint and says, "we can give you a couple of cellphones so you can talk to your families. Most of them will be waiting in Atlanta's airport to take you home. We're not taking you in for questioning as soon as we arrive."

“What I’ve been trying to tell y’all is that they’re probably the real deal. I don’t think he’s working for Gretchen.”

“Shelby, you’re sure?

"What is your stomach telling you?" Fatin whispers for her ears only.

And her heart grows two sizes. There's only butterflies in her stomach, the good kind that apparently made themselves comfortable and will always be there when it comes to Fatin.

“I guess they would’ve told me something was gonna happen, right?” Shelby says.

“Wait, what?!” Everyone is speaking at once again. Too shocked by the realization that Shelby has been the new mole this whole time.

While Fatin and Toni try to explain — basically, argue — with everyone, Leah takes advantage of the moment and addresses agent Jacobson again, “Did you find her?”

“Not yet, but we think we’re close. Killed all communications here, by the way.”

“So she either thinks we did something or she knows you’re here.”

“Yes. Either way, she could get sloppy. That’s why we should move fast so we can be free when we need to move to get her.”

“Did you get Seth?”

“My men are on it.”

“We’ll go. But we all go together and away from Seth.”

“We need to split you up into three groups.”

“One group is Seth and your men. You can split the other two groups into boys and girls. Ian’s with me, though. And each group gets at least one working cellphone. It’s not negotiable, no one would go willingly if those aren’t the terms.”

He reluctantly agrees. Breathing becomes a little easier after that. He takes charge, informing the rest of them of the plans.

The girls are okay with Shelby, trusting she was doing right by them and knowing she didn't have much of a choice.

Ian is understandably awkward around her. How could anyone know how to act or what to say to a best friend after she went through a literal and atypical hell?

Fatin takes her hand to follow the agents that'll go with them. The agents that will finally, hopefully, take them home and out of this nightmare.

A squeeze on her hand pulls her out of her thoughts, and Fatin is looking at her with the same concern and love that has always been there. And with that familiar soft voice she asks, “You okay?”

“Yeah. I really think this is it.”

“It better fucking be.”

“We’re really going home, Fatin.” Tracing the skin under her thumb helps ground her. It serves as a reminder that home is figuratively and — thank God — literally where Fatin is.

“Hey,” Ian says when he catches up to them as they settle on the plane. “I’m sorry about earlier. This caught me by surprise, that’s all.”

She looks at Fatin because she’s the one who should be accepting his apology. Implores a little with her eyes to be nice to him.

Fatin waves him off. “Totally fine. You’re honestly the least of my worries right now.”

“Right.”

“Fatin…”

“What?” She obviously knows full well ‘what,’ so she rolls her eyes and tells him, “Okay… I’d like to thank you for helping us but I’ll believe it when I see it. Nothing personal, though. But I am glad you seem to be overprotective of this one over here. God knows we’re gonna fucking need people like that once this whole thing blows wide open.”

“I— Thanks, I guess?”

“Hey, dickheads,” Dot says loud enough for everyone to hear. “The helicopter was different. This is a small plane and… Well, you know. I really think we could use a distraction because we’re about to take off.”

“Yeah. Plus, I’ll only say this only once so please don’t get all mushy with me in the airport: To quote the great poet Fatin Jadmani, I’m gonna miss the shit out of you guys.”

The words sit heavy on her chest. How could she go back to an ordinary life without these girls day in and day out? How are Shelby and Toni gonna manage being so far away? How is Dot gonna go back to an empty house? Will Rachel and Nora be okay—

“Oh my God, Nora!”

“What?” Most of them ask at the same time.

“Shelby, the ring!”

Realization hits the girl, who scrumbles to find the ring and hands it to Rachel. “We’re not a hundred percent sure, but we have reasons to believe she’s alive.”

“What?”

“Gretchen told us, and it honestly makes sense. We didn’t want to get your hopes up, though.”

“Nora Reid?” One of the agents asks. “There was footage of her being in the bunker… She's presumably still with Gretchen.”

Rachel’s breath hitches and they all breathe again. As if they hadn’t been breathing since that fateful day. Rachel cries, gets angry and cries some more. They’re there to comfort her and tell her that whatever she’s feeling is okay.

Apparently, that was a pretty good distraction because they’re well on their way when they notice. Some of them still freak out a little because they’re still on the air in a fucking small plane that could shake at any moment. But it’s mostly okay.

“We should do an icebreaker before landing.”

She’s gonna miss their laughter the most.

“How about we tell Ian something someone did on the islands and he has to guess who did it?”

“Sounds fun.”

“Okay, so, who ate three edible gummies without knowing what they were? Even when we told her.”

“Where did you guys get edibles?”

“Gretchen, I guess? Or maybe it was just Jeanette without telling her? We honestly don’t know.”

“Okay… I’m gonna guess Shelby?”

They all laugh. It was a good guess based on looks and first impressions only. “Nope. Martha. Speaking of… wanna go next?”

“Sure. We were literally starving to death and two of these girls decided to have sex and spend the night next to our food instead of bringing it to us.”

“What?! Okay, well, one had to have been Fatin, right? I’m guessing with Dot.”

“Ha! It’s already starting and we’re not even living together!”

It’s hilarious for several reasons. So it takes a while for them to take a breath and finally tell him the truth. “Believe it or not, dude, I’m not gay and Fatin did not have sex in the islands.”

“Well, actually, Dorothy…”

“Fatin, no.” Hiding her face is clearly the best option right now.

“Wait, really?”

“Well, Fatin’s definition of slow sure is fast.”

“Dude!” Dot high-fives Fatin.

“Now you’re holding out on us? Come on, how was it?”

“I’m being respectful towards my girl, okay?”

Ian’s eyes scan the room. He’s clearly assessing everyone’s reactions and drawing conclusions. She needs to beat him to it.

“So, funny thing, Ian… Fatin’s my girlfriend.”

His jaw drops open. “Fatin. This Fatin? Cello prodigy, ‘never had a relationship’ Fatin Jadmani?”

“Yep.”

“And… You had sex with Fatin Jadmani?”

“You can stop saying her full name. And yes, she’s my hot as fuck girlfriend, of course I had sex with her.”

“It wasn’t just sex.”

“Fatin, you don’t have to—”

“No. I really want everyone to understand that I won't do that to you," she tells her, taking her hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles. Then, she speaks to the group, "This wasn’t a one time thing, this won’t end because we’re off this hellhole. Leah means so much more than that to me.”

“Please, we know!”

“Jesus, like we haven’t been watching you two for the last few months…”

“You love her, man, we get it. Stop being gross.”

“I love you too, Dorothy.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Love?” Ian asks, low enough for only her to hear.

“Yeah. She’s— Well, she’s everything we thought she was, but she’s also so much more. I don’t think I’ll ever find the right words to describe her. No ordinary words will ever do her justice.”

“Damn, okay. But how do you know it’s not, uhm, a trauma thing?”

Her laugh is a bit humorless, but well, what can she do about that? “Oh, there’s plenty of trauma. But Fatin has been the only silver lining from day one.”

“I’m happy for you, then.”

“Thanks, me too.”

She kisses Fatin and leans more comfortably on her after that.

They keep playing and they do feel the landing, but they go through it together. The same way they went through every single day in this fucking experiment.

The same way they later go through going back to normal, the trial, the PTSDs and everything that life throws at them. Together. Even when they are physically apart and it’s hard at first. Even when the entire thing makes the news and they can’t catch a break. Even when life gets in the way.

They’re still the unsinkable eight. And they will always keep sailing through life, together.