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Fifteen is young to meet the person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with. Who really falls in love at seventeen and has it last? You two were the exception, that’s what Timothee always told you. You two were gonna last. He gave you such confidence through all the weeks and months away filming as his career began to build.
The long drawn out goodbyes and slow kisses at the airport before he would leave. The morning text messages he would send in the middle of the night because of time differences. The random voicemails that would come through mid day with a sleepy deep voice on the other end, telling you how much he missed you. How he couldn’t wait to be with you again. The passionate, lazy love making when he’d return. Laying in bed for hours the next day, naked, wrapped up in only each other.
Timothee came home after being gone for five months filming. At the time you didn’t know what it was but his eyes held something you couldn’t identify.
He hugged you tightly as you wrapped your arms around him. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.” TImothee whispered in your ear.
“You okay, love?” You ask as he pulls away.
“I just missed you.” He pressed a kiss to your lips. “Let’s go home.” He took your hand and led you away.
But that wasn’t all it was. Weeks and months of odd behavior followed by him being extra sweet and attentive towards you. You pretended not to notice when he smiled at his phone while texting. You pretended it didn’t hurt when you left the apartment with excitement, more excitement that he showed lately with you.
It was when you saw the hickey on his shoulder. That was when you couldn’t pretend anymore.
“Can you tell the truth, Tim?” You look at him as he stands in the kitchen. His eyes were filled with tears as he stared back. “Please don’t treat me like I’m stupid.” You walk towards him, stopping in front of him, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “After all these years the least you can do is be upfront with me.” Timothee looked down at his feet still unable to answer you. “Damn it, Timothee, if you’re gonna do this then you can at least have the balls to look me in the eyes and admit it.”
Finally he looked up and cheeks were lined with tears. “I didn’t want it to happen like this.” You scoffed. “I still love you, Y/N.”
“Oh, let me guess, you love me but you’re not in love with me.”
“No,” He shook his head, taking your hands as more tears ran down his face. “I am still extremely in love with you!”
“Bullshit!” You pull away causing him to cry more.
“Please,” He begs, trying to pull you to him.
“If you would have loved me it would have never happened.” You push him away. “Who is she? Which one?” Timothee stared at you, his eyes fearful. “Tell me! Which one of those sluts was it?!”
“Armie.” His voice was barely audible.
“What?” You asked, unable to make his words out clearly.
“I- it wasn’t a girl. It was Armie.”
“Please tell me I heard Amy or something. Tell me that you didn’t cheat on me with a guy.” You hold your hands up in disbelief.
“I’ve never-”
“Are you kidding me, right now, Timothee?!” You shout at him, making him jump.
“Baby, please!”
“Have a nice trip, Timmy.” You say as you walk to the front door. “Have fun with you knew boyfriend, you cheating bastard!.” You slam the door.
You stayed at a hotel that night. You couldn’t face him. You couldn’t be around him. Timothee left for California the next morning, your phone filled with texts and missed calls by the time you woke.
You went back to your shared apartment after you knew he was gone. He’d be back in two days. You’d have to face him then.
Timothee hadn’t heard a single word from you since you walked out of the apartment that night. You never returned a single text or call, not even a “K”. He walked into the apartment unsure if he was gonna be met with the silent treatment or not. He would have taken that over what he got.
You didn’t answer when he called your name.
Timothee walked to the bedroom and froze when he saw the open dresser drawers. He rushed over and saw every one of your drawers empty. Throwing open the closet door he saw your side bare. Rushing through the apartment there was no sign of you being there left.
On the coffee table an envelope with his name on it sat in the middle.
Timothée,
I know you didn’t want to hurt me and I am glad that you told the truth. I just wish you would have done it sooner. I wish you wouldn’t have let me sit there for months unsure as to what I did wrong. I know you have no control over it and I know it must have been shocking realizing this about yourself. I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me. What I don’t understand is how you can say you love me but have ANY sort of feelings for somebody else. Even in this situation. Because of that I can’t be with you. As much as this hurts me, I can’t do it. I kept quiet for months while you hid this little thing you had going on and I pretended it was in my head. Who knows, maybe I made myself believe it for a while. I know this will be hard but I can’t be with someone I can’t trust. No matter how much I love you. I hate how much I love you, Timothée and I hate how much you’ve made me love you throughout the years because it makes this that much worse. I really hope you find what you are looking for.
Y/N
Tears poured from Timothée’s eyes as he read the letter. He looked in the envelope and saw your set of keys. His heart was in pieces.
Timothée tried desperately to contact you for weeks. Not even your friends would give an inch in telling him where you were. All he found out was that you got your own place and you were okay. That was going to have to be enough.
4 MONTHS Later
You were meeting friends for coffee and were happy to not have work or anything to bother you that afternoon. After coffee you were going over to a small party at an old friend’s place. Nothing huge, drink, music, embarrassing stories of highschool.
You were getting a drink when you bumped into someone at the makeshift bar.
“Y/N!” Timothée’s voice said with enthusiasm. “What are you- I mean hey!”
“Hi!” You greeted, unsure how to respond with the ache you suddenly felt in your chest.
“You look amazing!” He tells you nervously. “What are you drinking? I’ll get it for you.” He reaches to grab whatever you answer.
“It’s okay, I got it.”
“How have you been?”
“I’m good. You?”
“Good. I’m- I’m good.” He glances behind himself and you notice him looking at someone before looking back at you. “So I-”
“Is that him?” You ask, cutting him off with a nod to the man in the distance that kept glancing towards the two of you. “Tall guy, blue eyes?”
Timothée looks down. “Uh, yeah, that’s- that’s him." He looked up and met your eyes timidly.
“He’s cute.” You give an approving nod. “He seems friendly.”
“He is.” Timothee studied your expression trying to figure out your real response to seeing him again. “You could have reached out.” He said bluntly with an exhale of annoyance.
“I didn’t feel like I needed to.”
“You didn’t feel like you needed to?!” Timothee snapped as several people looked over at you. “I’m sorry I didn’t-”
“I’m not having this conversation here in the middle of a party.” You say turning and walking away.
Timothee followed you. “Not like we could have had it before You would have had to have responded to me.” He grabbed your arm at the elbow and pulled you out the front door.
“What the hell are you doing?!’ You snapped at him, jerking your arm away.
“Talking to you while I can.” He looked down at you. “Why would I not need you to communicate with me? I didn’t want it to end.”
“What are you having this conversation with me when your boyfriend is right over there?”
“He’s not my boyfriend!” He bellowed. “We never even dated!” You looked at him puzzled. “Please just, just come with me and let’s talk.” His eyes pleaded with you. “Please.”
“Fine.” You start walking away and he follows you quickly.
You push open the door to the stairwell and you sit on the step. “Start talking.” You tell him.
Timothee sits next to you. “Why did you just pick up and leave me?”
“Did you not read the letter?”
“But to completely cut me out of your life? After all this time of being friends and then being together? It hurt, Y/N.”
“Like it hurt when you messed around with your co-star?”
“So you did it to get back at me?”
“No. I didn it because I couldn’t be around you.” You never looked at him as you spoke. “If I would have stayed I would hate you by now.”
“Y/N, I never did anything with him other than what I told you. It was a kiss or two, never more. It never went past the little touches and a kiss, I swear.” You gave a light shake of your head as you looked down at the steps. “Please believe me. I stopped it all before it went that far. You can’t be mad at me for realizing I’m bi.”
“That has nothing to do with it!” You stand walking down a few steps. “This has nothing to do with you realizing you’re bi, Tim! It’s you swearing you love me and then developing feelings for someone else! If you loved me you wouldn’t get feelings for other people!”
“It was just a physical attraction! I had never been that attracted to a man before. I was curious! I’m sorry!”
“You don’t think you could have mentioned that to me. Don’t you think we could have talked about it?!”
“Yeah because you took it so well when I finally told you!”
“Because you only confessed after you had been caught, Tim! And it’s insulting to know that you think I didn’t notice before then!”
“Then why didn’t you say anything?! Why did you not tell me you knew!?”
“Because I didn’t want to lose you!” Your voice broke on the last two words. The tears finally spilled from your eyes. You turned, running down the steps but Timothee was right behind you. He grabbed your hand and pulled you into his arms. “I was so scared of losing you that I pretended you weren’t sneaking around with him.” You sobbed in his arms.
“I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Timothee told you, his voice full of guilt. “I’m sorry you felt that you had to do that.” He took your face in his hands, making you look at him. “I’m sorry I did it that way. I’m sorry I hurt you.” He pressed his lips gently to yours. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He told you between kisses. “Please forgive me.” You could feel his tears dripping onto your cheek. “Take me back, give me another chance.” He looked you in the eyes. “I love you, not him.”
“Then why are you always with him?” Timothee gave you a bewildered glare. You pulled away. “Come on Tim, we have all the same friends. Did you think it would never come up?”
“We’re friends, Y/N. That’s all.”
“Sure.” You roll your eyes.
“I’m serious!” He raised his voice. “Why won’t you believe me?!”
“Because you hurt me, Tim! You broke my heart by running around behind my back with another person! So excuse me that I don’t believe much you fucking say!” You wipe your eyes. “I can’t do this.” You walk out the door. You speed down the hallway and see Timothee’s friend in the hallway. “Perfect.” You grumble.
“Hey, uh-” The man begins. “Did you see Timmy?” He notices the tears on your face. “Are you okay?”
“Peachy,” You sass. “Your boyfriend is in the stairwell.” You snip, walking away.
“Boyfriend?’ He looked back at you. “What?”
“Y/N?!” Timothee’s voice calls and both you and the man look back at him.
“Tim, don’t bother. I’m done.” You turn to walk away but you feel a hand on your arm. You turn to see the tall man. “You mind?!” You jerk away.
“Just listen to him.”
“I did. And I’m not interested in anything else he has to say. And you have some fucking nerve.” You walk to the elevator and punch the button to the lobby frantically. Suddenly a large body swoops into the elevator as the doors close. “What the fuck?!” He pulls the emergency stop button and the elevator halts. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!”
“Hi, I’m Armie, now you know who I am.” The man greets you. “Timmy’s right, you do say fuck a lot.” You give an astonished look at the nerve of this man.
“Please tell me where you found the audacity you have right now?”
“Timmy is so incredibly in love with you.” Armie tells you. “He hates himself for what happened between us.” You go to open your mouth to talk but he stops you. “He talks to me because I get it.” He watches your face turn as you try to understand. “I’m- I’m married.”
“You’re married!” You drop your arms to your side. “You two really give no fucks!”
“I get how he feels. I know what it feels like to realize this piece about yourself and be with someone else. The difference is Timothee is crazily in love with you.”
“You don’t love your wife?”
Armie laughs. “No, she is a crazy narcissist that enjoys seeing me miserable.” Your expression softened. “I was willing to go through with it but he couldn’t. And I know that makes me look like a total douche for going after a taken man but I mean, it’s Tim. He is kind of amazing.” You chuckled which surprised you and Armie. “Look, I know you owe me nothing and you hate my guts but-” Armie ran a hand over his face. “Timmy felt guilty and he hated himself and he has been a mess since you left him. He messed up. He knows that. This isn’t a normal realization about yourself, you know that.” He watched you take in his words but couldn’t see which way you were leaning. “He loved you enough not to go too far. Does that not matter? Does it not make a difference that you were such a constant in his mind that it had an effect on everything?”
“Why do you even care? You get him if I’m out of the picture.”
“No I don’t.” Armie said simply. “If I was gonna get him, I’d have him. He doesn’t want anyone but you. And I care because I care about him. We were friends before any of this bullshit went down. It wasn’t just ‘oh I’m attracted to you, let’s mess around’.” He lifted his hands quickly. “Not that we messed around!” He corrected himself. “I want him happy and you are what makes him happy is you.” He reached, hitting the button and the doors opened.
Timothee stood there dumbfounded. “What the hell just happened?”
“Your friend is trying to change my mind about leaving you.” You cross your arms over your chest.
“Really?” Timothee looked at Armie.
“Yes!” Armie grabbed Timothee’s arm. “Now, stop standing there like an idiot.” He pulled Timothee into the elevator as he walked out. “And talk to your girl.” He slapped the roof button and walked away.
“Your boy got nerve.” You look at Timothee.
"He’s not my boy.” Timothée sighed annoyed.
“Right, you’re technically his side piece. Since he is fucking married!”
“Don’t you think I know how fucked up this is?! How fucked up what we are doing is!?”
“Oh, but I thought you weren’t messing around. ” You mocked his earlier words.
“We aren’t!” He squeezes the bridge of his nose before looking up. “You don’t know what his wife is like. Who knows what she is filling their daughter’s head with at this point. This isn’t just you and me.”
You hold up a hand. “Daughter?! He has a child?!” You shake your head. “Unbelievable!” You press the lobby button several times.
“Stop!” Timothee grabs your hand. “I need you!” He takes your face into his hands. “I need to be with you.” His voice wavers slightly before breaking. “I love you, Y/N. I know I fucked up but I- I still love you. You are my everything. I can’t take being without you. Please.” His face was wet from crying so hard. “Please give me another chance.”
You placed your hand over his hand on your cheek. “Timmy.” You pull his hand away. “I still love you, with all my heart.” You didn’t bother to try and fight the tears from falling down your face. “But I can’t,”
“No ” He shook his head in protest. “Please don’t do this.”
“I don’t trust you, Tim. And I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.” The elevator dinged and you walked out as fast as you could, leaving Timothee standing there.
1 Year Later
You’d gotten coffee from your favorite coffee shop after work that afternoon, needing a quick pick me up after the long day you had. As you walked out of the door, turning on to the street you bumped into someone, your coffee falling to the ground.
“I am so sorry!”
“No, I’m sorry.” You look up seeing those damn green eyes. “Tim.”
“Y/N? Hey!” His hands stayed on your arms. “H-how are you?”
“I’m good! How are you?”
“Good, good.” He cleared his throat. “Let me replace your coffee.”
“Oh, no.” You wave a hand.
“Please, I insist,” He walks back into the shop and emerges with two fresh cups of coffee. “Would you be okay with sitting and talking?”
“I’m actually heading somewhere.” You see his face drop slightly. “Wanna walk me?”
“Yeah!” His face lit up with that smile you remember. “So, How have you been this past year?”
“Good. Busy but good.”
“That’s good.” He nods and you walk in silence for a minute. “I miss you.” He says bluntly. “I still catch myself wanting to call you when something good happens.”
“I’ve seen how well things have been going for you. I knew it would happen for you.” You tell him. “Never doubted it.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Timothee spits out.
You give a chuckle. “Not anymore. I was but we broke up a few weeks ago.”
“Call me a dick, but good.” He looks over at you.
“Tell me how you really feel!” You look at him with a laugh.
Timothe smiles at you. “You always liked my honesty.”
“I’ve missed that smile.” You confess. “How’s Armie?” You look back down at your cup of coffee in your hands.
“He’s good.” Timothee nods. “Still living in L.A.”
“How are you-”
“We aren’t together.” He adds quickly. “We never dated.”
“Oh?” You look up at him.
“We talked about it. He said he could always tell my heart was with someone else.”
“You didn’t”
“Y/N, I never got over you.” Timothee told her. “I want another chance.”