Work Text:
"Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete."
Lily Evans often began to wonder what her boyfriend was doing in the yard whispering to the sky.
And after she realized what stars were visible during the times he did this, she decided she didn’t care. Who was she to care when the person she loves is still out there wondering this world when his is now only in the stars? After all, she still had her letters.
James made her happy. He filled the void Mary Macdonald left when they went separate ways. They acknowledge that they weren’t it for each other, but in times like these, even something is enough.
So every night around April, James Potter wandered outside to speak with the stars. At first, he left the castle. He walked through the halls knowing that his star was still alive. Felling like he was within arms reach but that his arms were bound behind his head and no matter how hard he tried to break them or however loudly he screamed his name. He never reached back to untie his strings of pain.
So James watched. He watched from the ground, he waited from the astronomy tower, and he longed from his window. Forever hopeful that if he looked to the sky hard enough maybe the boy whose namesake lies with the star in which he stares at just might walk out.
It took James until the end of his days at Hogwarts until he began speaking to the sky.
The day he left the place they met, was the day Lily resided in him for comfort. After many years of rejection, turned into understanding, they found each other.
Mary had left school early that day. She was going to Brazil with her family. James didn’t know the full reasoning behind why he was leaving the redhead girl behind in his bed that day, but that would come in due time.
As James began his walk outside and his initial elation shifted gradually into regret and shame. He never left the boy with curly black hair alone in bed to talk to a star.
James pushed that thought aside as he stepped out onto the floor of the astronomy towers. He stood on the ledge for a few seconds too long and he started to break.
James started screaming at the sky. He yelled his anger with the boy, because how could he leave him? That eventually shifted to regret for letting it get that bad into apologies for not saving him. James let himself cry then. He had gone two years without crying over him. Ever since Regulus left Hogwarts, he made himself okay because his best friend just lost his brother to the people who ruined him. Who was he to be sad? He didn’t have any siblings so how could he know this loss? So he had to be there for everyone but himself.
The morning after, James was asleep on the floor of the astronomy tower when the stars began to fade away from the sun.
That night became the first of many more to come where he left a lovely head of red hair asleep in bed to go settle his sorrows with the sky.
When James found out about the supernova that changed his life, he was just starting to forget. The death of the star was the day of confessions.
Confessions that Lily and James already knew.
As James broke in one of the only sets of arms left that provided him any comfort. They broke with him.
They were just freshly 19. They’d just moved into a home in Cornwall. Both James and Lily wanted to be near the waves.
This was when James told Lily about him. And when Lily told James about her.
They loved each other. They really did. Maybe the majority of their hearts belong in the hands of someone else, but whatever crumbs it has left belong in the hands of each other.
So time passed.
Lily in bed, James outside.
Mary left the wizarding world for the protection of her family. Mary was already a target from the small clan of death eaters at school, and she didn’t want to imagine what would happen once they’re of age and officially death eaters. So she took her family and left. It started with her brother, and from there she did what had to be done.
And in doing that, she had to leave her life behind.
She had to leave Lily.
James and Lily were both left. Left to find each other. To rebuild each other.
They were two of the shiniest and most reflective people, never failing to shove their needs aside for others. And now they’re dull and cracked, unable to support their weight on their own.
Mary wrote letters on occasion. They posed as a glint of hope in the darkest of longing despair.
The letters stopped after Lily’s 19th birthday.
Mary was alive, but she was gone. And deep down Lily knew it was for the best because her heart was safe. Her heart was safe with Mary. And of course, Lily still had her letters from the past.
When James looked up to speak to the sky, Lily looked down at the words of a past life.
Lily was always someone who molded herself to be what others needed them to be. She thinks that is part of the reason why she and James can be together. They’re both molded to other people, but they’ve changed their shape so much they can support each other when they crack under a flame.
So when Mary left, Lily had to try and keep her shape. And one of the only things she had left of mary were her letters. So she read them over and over in bed.
It was their time to forget where they were and what happened. More so it was their time to remember.
Lily recalls the night after Mary left in vivid color. Every word said was engraved in her brain so deep no amount of sanding or buffing could possibly remove it.
The goodbye was the worst part. She didn’t let herself feel much for mary after that. They had officially broken up five weeks before, but they never really stopped loving each other. Or at least Lily never stopped.
They knew the split was for the best.
But on that day when she packed her bags early and skipped the final ceremony, Lily knew she was gone for real this time. No longer two pieces of hanging fabric separating their sleeping bodies. They were oceans away.
And there was no chance of recovery.
So Lily went to James. The same James who taught her what safety felt like in the fifth year after she lost her best friend. The same James who made her overly aware of her self-worth. The same James who would throw himself in front of a car just to keep you safe.
The same James who would do anything to make you happy again.
Lily of course often thinks back to that horrid day. It’s the night she blurs out the most. The first time James left Lily lying alone in a bed. All of his roommates were gone at the annual common room slumber party. She was alone.
Did he want to be with her that night?
Did he do it because she was sad?
Would it be the same now if she never turned to him for comfort?
Lily pushed those thoughts away every time they resurfaced. She was happy. Well, as happy as she could be given the circumstance. And James was happy. He’s said so. She has to learn to trust that. To follow what her heart is telling her, not her brain.
It’s hard to follow what your heart wants when your heart is somewhere a few oceans away.
Lily had wanted to be as close as possible to the waves that barricade her from her heart.
James wanted to be near the waves for a completely different reason.
When James and Lily moved to their home outside of Brighton, they just assumed the other liked the beach. So they found a two-bedroom cottage near the waves and moved in. It was perfect, not secluded, but not overcrowded. Just enough space for them to mourn the loss of what’s to come.
They lived peacefully in this home ever since 3 months after they graduated. Their relationship was complicated at best, but with everyone else in their friend circle moving out to live with their significant other, they moved in together as friends. One bedroom for James, and one for Lily.
Let’s just say James’ bedroom never saw much use.
They officially ditched the “pretending this room is used for our own sake because neither of us can accept this is happening” act after 4 months of living together.
So they officially announced their relationship 7 days before Lily’s 19th birthday.
Lily never received any acknowledgment that Mary knew of her relationship.
That may have been for the best.
Regulus the boy never found out.
Regulus the star knew the whole story from beginning to end.
So three months after their official relationship announcement, both Regulus Black and Mary MacDonald had dropped off the face of the planet in two entirely different ways.
James was left in anguish that Regulus died trying to run and Lily was left thinking that her relationship with James was the reason Mary took that final step back.
Life began to settle down again. More and more people began to die, and more and more times were they reminded of those they had lost.
So they got good at goodbyes.
Goodbyes given, but often never received.