Archive of Our Own

1: How This Entire Mess Started

Maybe one should start off by saying that Percy was never supposed to find out about this. Nico’s affection was never intended to be more than a hopeless and harmless crush. (Sure, it never was harmless in the first place, but at least only the Italian was suffering because of it, and no one else). Never in a thousand years (and let’s face it, there isn’t even a good chance for them to make up past their thirties) would he have wanted the other to find out about all of this. The son of Hades preferred watching the boy from the sidelines, glancing at him whenever he was convinced that no one would notice. But this is all over, ruined; and he cannot go back to it no matter how much he wishes and prays. Why couldn’t some godly creature just undo this day, or, even better, these last couple of weeks? Allow him to travel back in time to when things weren’t as messed up as they were now. Even if it means sending him back to the last century, he would have preferred that.

By this point, the young half-blood wasn’t even sure who to shift the blame onto. In a way, it all started with Jason. If the blond wouldn’t have given his bullshit advice, things surely would have turned out different. Or maybe Percy is to blame when he insisted on them becoming friends. The son of Hades never should have given in that easily. He wasn’t a weak person, at least when whatever was at stake did not involve a certain green-eyed boy. On the other hand, maybe, deep down, he, himself, was to blame for being unable to stop feeling this way about the other. Nico figured that, most likely, it was a combination of all these factors which eventually led him having the biggest panic attack of his short but miserable life. It felt like the world as he knew was coming to an end. And, to an extent, he knew he was right about that.

Although he knew his brain probably did not function the best while hyperventilating, the boy still tried to figure out how this all started. Why did this catastrophe happen in the first place and what incident was the catalyst for Nico’s ultimate doom? In a way, everything started with Jason.

---------

All in all, for the past few days it had been disastrous enough for the son of Hades that the blond knew about his “situation’’ evolving Percy. Well, disastrous might be an overstatement since the entire thing was more embarrassing and annoying, but it sure as Tartarus felt that extreme to Nico. After all, the son of Zeus enjoyed getting involved in other people’s lives, and Nico turned out not to be an exception. Therefore, ever since that extremely awkward encounter with Eros, Jason tried to talk to him about his … gayness a couple of times, although to no avail. In the first place, Nico still felt uncomfortable talking about it, and secondly, Jason was about the last person he was planning on taking to about these feelings. Well, next to Percy. And besides, Nico did not even feel completely comfortable about the entire gay thing himself. So why would he possibly want to talk to someone else about it? Therefore, whenever Jason approached him or made sure to linger in the Argos' dining hall, after everyone else left (to give Nico a chance to talk to him without anyone noticing), the dark-haired boy simply pushed past him and left. Of course he hated ignoring the blonde’s attempts of niceness, but the younger boy was not ready to open up to the other, nor did he think he would be anytime in the foreseeable future. However, that was until one fateful night a shortly after. 

That’s how things were, expect for one night, when Nico was feeling particularly low after seeing Percy make out with his girlfriend/soon to be future-wife (at least that's how everyone saw their relationship). And to be honest, two people of the opposite sex do not just survive freaking Tartarus together without marrying one another afterwards. There has to be some unwritten law about that. Anyway, after realizing for the hundredth time that his crush was utterly hopeless, heartbreaking as well as the cause for at least fifty of this problems, Nico sort of lost it and found refuge in the only person he could possibly talk about this, namely Jason. Of course, there was Hazel, and he loved her with all his heart, would probably kill every damn monster/half-blood or even God (if it were possible) just to protect her, but for whatever reason he could not tell her about this. He wanted to, he honestly did, but it was just hard. It would result in many lengthy (and, let's be honest, awkward) conversations that he had no interest in having, which is why it was easier to just talk to Jason freaking Grace about it.

Fortunately for Nico, the son of Zeus was easy to find; he was just in his cabin, passing his time, probably thinking about their impeding doom or something of the like, Nico figured.

“You know I really don’t see what the big deal is, just tell him how you feel,’’ was Jason's first reaction after the younger half-blood poured his heart out to him.

“Just tell him?’’ Nico answered indignantly, “are you fucking out of your mind? I confide in you and this is all I get? Honestly, you keep going on and on about how I should just talk it out with you, and that’s your response?’’

“Now just take it easy, okay?’’ The blond was trying to calm him. “I’m just saying that you’ll be feeling better once you get this off your chest.’’

“How in Tartarus am I gonna feel better? I’m gonna be humiliated, and Percy is going to be disgusted by…’’

“No one is going to be disgusted by you, Nico,’’ Jason interjected. “That’s not how people think about it, especially in these days, and you should know that.’’

“Well, there are some people, you know…’’ Nico sighed, “but that doesn't change anything now. I really don’t see the point in telling him. He’s just gonna feel all bad about it. For Gods’ sake, he’s probably gonna blame himself for me having these weird feelings, that’s how freaking chivalrous he is, and then I have to…’’

“You’re making this way too complicated,’’ Jason responded. “Just get it over with and move on with your life.’’

Nico sighed again. “You don’t get it at all.’’ He was getting frustrated with the older teen now. Of course Jason wouldn’t understand what he was feeling. Why did he come here again in the first place?, Nico asked himself. But he knew the other was trying to help, so he gave it one more try.

“Jason, you see,’’ Nico started, “there is no moving on, I’ve been trying that for months and months and now years, I guess. But it’s just so hard and it doesn’t get better and every time I see them together it just hurts, it hurts right here,’’ Nico pointed to the left side of his chest. He started tearing up a little as he continued speaking “and I want to get better, I want to get over him. I try and try to forget about him, and it works, sometimes, you know. When I don’t see him for too long, I can just about convince myself that he never mattered to me in the first place, but then the next time he’s around it’s just as bad again and I just want it to stop. Please Jason,’’ he was sobbing by now, “please just make it stop.’’

The older boy took him in his arm. A wave of sadness overcame Jason. He never had had a broken heart before in his life. Sure, he only had two girlfriends so far, and his relationship with Kacy Miller in seventh grade hardly counted, or mattered. Yet, seeing Nico in this state of misery, made him feel some of the same pain. And anger, he was angry at Percy, even if knew he wasn’t to blame. He desperately wanted to help the younger boy, but he was at a loss of what to do. Defeated, he realized that the only thing he could do was to be there for the other half-blood. But he knew that this was not enough.

“I wish I could make it stop,’’ the older boy said in a soft voice after Nico moved out of the hug. The dark haired boy was wiping away the tears from his face, which made Jason only feel more hopeless and inadequate.

Jason continued: “I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I can make it stop. Maybe, possibly, you will actually feel better if you tell him about your feelings. I’m not an expert on this, but I have the feeling that it might, you know, set you free, or something.’’ To be honest, Jason really did not know if his advice would work. He once read something similar in one of Piper’s magazines. But what else could he say?

“Maybe it’ll help, Nico,’’ he tried once again. “Maybe you need to give it a try.’’

And that’s how this whole mess started.

2

Okay, so this whole thing about telling Percy, Nico figured it was pretty much bullshit. To be frank, he still wasn't planning on doing so, even after his conversation with Jason. Also, how could telling his crush about his feelings possibly set him free or make him feel any easier about it? It’s not like Percy feels that way about him. Besides, he has flawless and perfect Annabeth by this side, and oh, yes, there might be one other tiny little detail: Percy was fucking straight. So in every sense, this entire mission was hopeless. However, what Jason told him somehow stuck inside Nico’s head. Yet, he also knew he wasn’t ready to do anything about it now, or, probably, anytime soon. So he did what he always did whenever some hurtful or annoying thoughts appeared: he shoved them away.

After all, there were more important things to do.

It was the day after Gaea’s defeat and every half-blood, satyr, dryad or other magical creature - to be honest, Nico still wasn't too familiar with all of them, despite how long he's been at camp (Not that it was his fault, at least not completely, most of them just weren't too fond of showing up and helping mortals) - was working on rebuilding the camp. The camp was in utter ruin and even some of the God’s cabins were destroyed. It was a grim sight to take in. In a way, the camp has always seemed indestructible, immortal, like its existence was so far beyond the human realm and their puny existence, that nothing could ever touch it. Yet, the opposite has proven true. 

The post-war celebration was set for the coming night, therefore everyone tried to make the camp as presentable as possible in the amount of time given to them. Initially, the festivities would have taken place the night before, but due to everyone’s exhaustion and injuries, Chiron thought it would be more sensible to postpone the event. Yet Nico wasn’t convinced that people were in a better mood now. After all, everyone he encountered that day either looked exhausted or sorrowful. And he couldn’t hold it against them, countless campers have died. Not to mention, Leo still hasn’t returned to them. Nico knew he hadn't died, after all, the son of Hades could sense the souls of Tartarus, which despite being helpful, was actually a rather uncomfortable experience. Souls were cold and they had this slimy-weird texture to them, that he couldn't really describe, so keeping watch of the endless souls that entered the underworld each day was a rather bleak activity. However, it was something useful to do. After all, only he and Hazel were able to sense the dead, and honestly, he had more experience in that area of expertise, which probably wasn't a good thing. However, despite Nico's knowledge reassuring the others, his friends weren't exactly at ease, after all, there were still plenty of nasty situations the son of Hephaestus could possibly find himself in that didn't involve dying. Given how many of these the young half-blood has already found himself in, this didn't reassure Nico as well. Sure, Nico and Leo weren’t exactly bestest of buddies, but he still liked the other, in this own way. In a I-think-you-are-pretty-cool-but-I-would-never-tell-you-way. And now Leo was camp half-blood’s biggest martyr. Fucking RIP.

However you wanted to look at it, there was nothing to do about the situation now, especially not for him. And even if Leo were to meet a very unfortunate end, it's not like Nico could do anything about it. He’d already found out before that he cannot resurrect people... no matter how much they meant to him.

It was around noon and Nico was working on his own at the dining pavilion. Things weren’t too grim looking in this area, so the boy went on checking whatever plates were still usable for the feast tonight. A pretty insignificant task, but there wasn’t anyone in sight and Nico was able to enjoy the silence.

That was until Percy freaking Jackson decided to join him there. And just like that his peaceful afternoon was entirely ruined. Not that Nico minded Percy; after all, he only had this giant, completely overwhelming crush on him, which was why he was about the last person the son of Hades wanted to see at that moment. Haven’t I dealt with enough over these last couples of days? Nico thought. Why isn’t carrying a gigantic statue across the entire Atlantic Ocean and battling against the freaking Romans punishment enough by whatever God has it out for right now? Eros better not be getting evolved this time. Gods, I just really need a fucking break.

“Nico, you with me?’’ Percy asked in his way too perfect voice.

“What?’’ Nico shot back, facing the older boy.

“I asked you if you were all right back here’’

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I like being alone, or on my own, you know. I’m fine,’’ Nico said while his cheeks were painting themselves in a red color. Why am I embarrassed? What is there to be embarrassed about? Calm down, for Goodness sake.

“If you want some company, I’m here you know. We all are,’’ Percy said in an empathetic tone.

“Yeah I know. So I’ve been told.’’ And that was all Nico said. After that short encounter, the two of them kept working separately on cleaning up the place in silence. It wasn't a big area, and they kept intruding onto each other's periphery, to pick up some object or whatever. Gods. It was awkward. Nico was desperately waiting for the moment to end. Or for Percy to just move away, and save someone's life, or do whatever the older boy did in his free time. It's not like Nico, himself, could've just left the area, no. That would've been weird. He was here first, and leaving only demonstrated that this awkwardness was getting to him, and Nico wasn't someone to just give into submission, for Gods' sake. 

Percy sighed. “You know I’m really trying here.’’

"Trying what exactly? I mean you are doing a terrific job moving the plates from the floor onto the shelf. Honestly, great work Jackson, I can really tell you got that eye for detail, just the way you're arranging those dishes. Wow." 

"Jesus, Nico that's not what I meant," the other responded, soundly agitated. 

Great. This is really going amazing. Maybe he should leave this place after all...whatever Percy was talking about, Nico surely didn't care too much to be the recipient of whatever mood swings the boy was having. 

"What I mean is..." Percy started, but then he sighed and moved towards Nico, positioning himself right in front of him, and therefore forcing him to face him. "Look what I mean is, I'm trying this...this thing between you and me, right. Friends, you know."

"Friends?!" Nico shot back. Confused, but more exasperated. Almost insulted. What the actual Fuck. Why would HE, of all people want to be -friends- with. ME. What the hell?! 

Percy must've sensed Nico's confusion, for he continued with an explanation: “Look, you don't like me, I get it, it's pretty obvious. But like whatever was between us in the past..." Percy looked at him for a second, unsure, but then dodged his gaze, staring off into the distance "well...I think things between us can be, well,...better now and all. I mean you'll see soon enough what I'm talking about," he concluded, leaving Nico with a variety of questions, the most pressing one being What the actual hell?! 

Percy continued to stare off into the distance, allowing the younger half-blood to steal a quick glance at the other boy, which shouldn’t have excited him as much as it did. He hated Percy, hated his impulsive behavior, his loud demeanor, his self-assured way of being which only reminded Nico more of his own shortcomings, and that he would never be good enough for him. Nico hated that he noticed the shallowness of Percy’s breath in the rise of his Adam’s apple and the subtle movements of his chest, that he couldn’t help but focus on his toned arms, as the other crossed them over his chest. Gods, he was really a goner, and, shit, he had to look away before Percy would notice that he was staring at him.

This was just about the thing he would come up with. Percy. “The war is over; let’s just all be fucking friends and forget about what happened in the past” that’s probably what he was thinking. Not for a second, he would consider how his behavior would influence Nico. That, in a way, friendship was the very last thing he wanted from the other. That he would rather move on and never see him again in his entire life. Even though, deep down, Nico knew that this was a lie.

However, Percy must have misread Nico’s tentativeness as a sign of disinterest, for he continued elaborating his request. In a way, he sounded almost defensive: "Look I get it, okay. I've done a lot of mistakes, a lot of things I'm not proud of. A lot of things I wish I could take back, okay?" here, his voice went softer, and quieter. This felt...intimate, in a way. Not sexy or anything, but... comfortable, trusting. "And whatever stuff I've done to hurt you in the past, I'm sorry for it, I really am. I'm sorry for a lot of things... Jesus, that isn't the issue here. I just mean...I want to apologize, that my actions have hurt you in the past.”

"Okay....sure," Nico responded, palpably confused. He had no idea what was going on within the other boy, after all, this didn't really qualify as Percy's dumbass, usual behavior. The son of Poseidon never struck Nico as someone who necessarily thought a lot about… well anything, so his weird apologies, but most importantly, whatever he was saying about them becoming friends, it just didn't line up with Nico's expectations for him at all. It didn’t make any sense. Especially, why he was coming to him of all people.

"You know," Nico finally responded, after he figured thinking this over for the 10th time didn't really make any sense, "I'm not really sure what you want from me. I mean whatever is going on with you right now has nothing to do with me, anyway. Like I'm sure it's a good thing that you wanna apologize to people when you feel guilty about your actions and all...but you don't gotta come up with shit like saying you wanna be friends with me. Cause let's be honest. You don't. So... just why don't you...I don't know, go play pretend with some other people and all," Gods he hated saying this. He hated how he sounded. He hated what he had just told him. FUCK. Why was he so aggravated, all of the sudden. Why was he so defensive when all Percy was doing was trying to apologize, for Gods's sake. But he couldn't stop himself. 

"Like I really am admiring the effort you put into having a conversation with me. Must be really hard for you. If you’re really that lonely, you can talk to your girlfriend. Isn’t that what she’s for?’’ Nico shot back. He wasn’t even sure why he was so angry all of the sudden. He wasn't even sure why he was so offended by Percy was saying. Why his bad attempt at 'playing friends' was hurting him as much as it did. But then again, he knew all too well. 

“Seriously, look at me for once,’’ Percy was now also visibly aggravated. He put his hand on the other boy’s cheek, forcing him to look at him.

“What have I seriously done to you? Why can't we just get along?’’ Percy’s voice went from angered to something that resembled…pain or disappointment or just plain sadness. Nico couldn’t really pinpoint whatever Percy was feeling at that moment, but the younger boy was definitely confused.

“Why? So we can just pretend that we’re all a big, happy family at camp and that we weren’t almost just all killed and that Leo is fine, probably at some island paradise or something…’’

“He could be,’’ Percy interrupted.

“Oh how do you know? How can you possibly know that?’’ The atmosphere between the two of them was getting tense.

“Okay, maybe I don’t, okay?’’ Percy told him. “But what else should I do? I can’t just leave everything and decide to mope around all day because I’m fucking scared that a friend of mine is dead. Okay and right now I don’t even care about this camp or the war or anything. I honestly just need a fucking break, we all do. Okay, but I don't wanna leave things like that between us. It sucks and I honestly wish to understand what I did to make you hate me so much.’’

“Why do you even care?’’ Nico asked him, almost shyly, after a while.

“Why do I? Because we’re friends, or well, we used to be, sorta, and I liked having you around. And honestly I just need some fucking stability right now, but everyone else is falling apart, yet they seem to expect me to be fine, to hold things together. But I can’t, I’m just fucking exhausted.’’

“You’re saying you want a feeling of stability from me?’’ Nico asked, confused.

“No, maybe, I don’t know. All I know is that Piper and Jason have been moping around in a pretty run down shack, Frank and Hazel are Gods’ know where, Annabeth is, ugh, I don’t even know how to say it, and no one else here possibly understands what it’s like.’’

“You’re talking about Leo?’’

“Who else would I be talking about?’’ And all of the sudden Nico could see all the exhaustion, devastation and worry that was in Percy’s face. Things must be hard for him, Nico thought. For some reason it always seemed like the son of Poseidon was doing fine, like he had everything under control. It’s not like things wouldn’t get to him, it more or less felt like he could deal with whatever was coming his way. But maybe things weren’t this easy.

“I’m sorry,’’ Nico said after a bit, in a softer tone. The tension between them having subsided. “It must be hard for you, and not just now. People always expect you to be the leader and to know what’s going on and what’s gonna happen next. I guess we sometimes forget that you’re just like us.’’

“Yeah, I don’t know. Like it’s cool and all to be in this position, but yeah… I don’t know, it sucks sometimes, I guess.’’

“You really have a way with words, Jackson’’

“Oh shut up’’ and that made him smile.

I made Percy smile, was all Nico could think about at that moment, which made made him all tense, but in a good way. 

He should hate this. He should push him away, say he doesn’t forgive him for what he’s done – not that there was anything the son of the sea god really had to apologize for, the entire reason Nico was so keen on avoiding him, pretended to hate him, was so that his feelings would fucking calm down for once, not that that helped. The motto “fake it till you make it” really didn’t seem to work out for him too well. But regardless, whatever reason Percy had for wanting to become his “friend,” or whatever deed Percy figured had done in the past to wrong Nico, it didn’t matter.

Nico wanted this. Them, being friends. Them, simply being a ‘them,’ whatever that entailed. He shouldn’t give in that easy. He should fight his instincts, his desires, as he has done for all the years prior. This person, Percy Jackson, through his existence alone, has made him more miserable than anyone else he ever had he fortune, or misfortune, of meeting; but he couldn’t do it. There was no way he could deny this. However much he didn’t understand the other’s reasoning.

He wanted this.

“Yes,” Nico said, sounding sure of himself.

“Yes?” the other repeated, his head, once again, turning towards the younger demigod.

Though, just this once, Nico didn’t avoid the eye contact. He let his gaze meet the others’. Sea-green eyes, with a tinge of blue. Pupils that widen as he meets the other’s dark brown eyes. The wind slowly blowing in Percy's hair, while the sun kisses the ocean behind his head, marking that another day has come to a close.

“Friends,” Nico said. “You were talking about us being friends, remember?”

“Yeah of course,” the other responded, almost surprised, like that idea just popped back into his brain. But then he smiled.

“Let’s be friends then,” Percy concluded, way too upbeat and positive. Back to his usual self, Nico thought, but then he smiled back. Half meeting the other’s gaze, half looking away, in embarrassment. But also in joy. He really shouldn’t be his happy.

Gods, Percy Jackson was gonna be the death of him, he figured, but then again, at least for now, this didn’t sound so bad.

3

After a couple of hours of cleaning up the camp, it was hard to believe that just 24h ago there was still a war going on. Sure, the demolished cabins couldn’t be rebuild in a short period of time, but most of the debris was taken somewhere else, paths were cleared and everyone seemed to be in much higher spirit. You could almost kid yourself that none of the shit happed yesterday, Nico thought to himself. He and Percy departed some time ago since Annabeth wanted to discuss something with him and they haven’t come back ever since. Gods’ know what they are doing, Nico thought after not having seen either of them for a good hour, I surely don’t want to know.

Yet the two boys spent most of the day together before that. They mostly talked about mundane things, like their neglectful parents or what they thought needed to be done in order for the camp to be transformed back into its original state. They didn’t mention the bloodbath of the day before or their worry about their (probably dead) friend. But it didn’t matter to Nico, this was the most fun he’d had in quite a while. Turns out Percy Jackson is actually a quite good listener.

Now that the reddish light of twilight was making its first appearance, most of the half-bloods were occupied with decorating the amphitheater, where were the celebration was taking place. Nico was about to make his way towards the area, when Jason yelled at him to wait up.

“Finally,’’ the blond haired boy said when he caught up, “I thought you were deaf.’’

“Maybe I just didn’t want to talk to you,’’ Nico said jokingly.

“Why wouldn’t you? I get it if you don’t want to think about what happened…’’

“I was just kidding, I just didn’t hear you,’’ the younger boy said back, even though he was trying to ignore him. He knew what he was going to talk about, and it didn’t include any shedded blood.

“Sooo… earlier you and Percy were hanging out for quite a while,’’ Jason said with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, we were, Percy said something about being lost and people depending on him and that he needed someone to depend on, or whatever.’’

“Oh yeah, so he’s depending on you now?’’ Jason shot back, still with that stupid grin on his face.

“It’s… weird, I don’t know. Not really, we just hung out and talked about stupid, unimportant stuff.’’

“So you told him yet?’’

“What? Why… and no I can’t.’’

“Good, ‘cause I would wait a couple of days, at least until things between him and Annabeth calmed down.’’

“What do you mean?’’

“He didn’t tell you? Apparently he broke up with her earlier this day, I thought you knew, I mean you’ve been talking all day and…’’

“Wait, shut the hell up. How…Why did he broke up with her? They were basically married, I mean, they are endgame material. What is even going on?’’

“I have no idea, I thought you would maybe know. Earlier today Piper and I were hanging out and Annabeth was looking for her, so they could talk it out or whatever, and she was in a completely messed up. I think she was having a mental break down. Thankfully, Piper calmed her down considerably and she’s somewhat stable, I guess. But the two won’t be joining us for the celebration, which is really a bummer.’’

“Oh, fun, so I’ll be dealing with you all night long?’’ Nico said in a dreadful voice.

“Nah, only ‚‘till Percy comes around, then I’ll leave you guys to yourself, you know,’’ and just like that the smirk was back.

“Ugh, if you’re going to make it awkward, I swear to…’’

“I won’t, I won’t. I promise’’

“Okay, good. But it’s really strange. There must be something going on with Percy, first he breaks up with his girlfriend, then he wants to hang out with me. What’s next?’’ Nico wondered.

“Heck, I don’t know, but you have to find out.’’

“Why me?’’

“Because the two of you are buddies. And because, for some reason, he chose you to talk to. And because, now that Annabeth is out of the picture, I’m rooting for you, which I probably shouldn’t tell anyone, because I really sound like a dick. Considering I saw her bawling her eyes out just some hours ago.’’

“That sounds really bad.’’ Nico considered how the blond must be feeling for a second. “I mean, she must be devastated.’’

“Yeah,’’ Jason agreed, “but doesn’t that mean that Percy Jackson, the man of your dreams…’’

“Oh shut it’’

“…is single now which is an opportunity you absolutely have to take.’’

“Ughhhhhh. I’ll try talking to him later, okay? But I won’t tell him about any of the other shit.’’

“That’s all I wanted to hear, now go join the others at the amphitheater, I’m gonna check on Pipes and then I’ll come around as well. Go get him, tiger’’

“Swear to Tartarus, if you say that one more time, I will summon an entire army of the dead which will kill you.’’

“Nice to know that you would need an entire army to kill me,’’ Jason winked “now go on, I’ll be back.’’

“Sure thing,’’ Nico said and the two of them departed into different directions.

—

After a short while Nico arrived at the amphitheater, which was elaborately decorated with different lights. Countless blankets were spread on the seats and in the middle of the pit was a gigantic bonfire and some other kids were already roasting marshmallows. The sun was almost completely down now, and it was beginning to look like a very cozy night. In one corner of the place were a couple of tables with snacks and drinks, and Nico was sure that not all of them were non-alcoholic. If Chiron knew about this, which, to be honest, was very likely, he didn’t say so. Maybe he decided that after the battle they just went through the day prior, they were old enough to decide for themselves what they wanted.

Nico was on his way to the tables when Hazel approached him. It was good to see his sister again, Nico thought, and the two of them shared a warm hug.

“Hey, it’s good to see you,’’ his sister said.

“Yeah, it really is,’’ Nico said as a small smiled crept across his face. He hadn’t seen her all day and just now realized how much he actually missed her company.

“I’m hanging out with Frank and the others over there, why don’t you come sit with us?’’ Hazel asked him and pointed to a group of teenagers. Out of the people Nico could only identify Frank and, of course, Percy. Of course, he’s here already. After all, he’s got no girlfriend to make out with anymore. Ugh, do I really have to ask him whatever creature possessed him to break up with Annabeth? It’s just fucking weird. Something is up with him, definitely.

“Nico, is that a ‘yes’’’?

“Oh, yeah, definitely. Let me just get something to drink and I’ll join you in a sec,’’ Nico said as he marched towards the tabled, where he decided to grab some wine. For Gods’ sake, if he had to deal with Percy freaking Jackson all night long, he might as well start drinking as soon as possible. He had a feeling this was going to be a long, long night.

How right he was.

4

After he gulped down half his drink in one go, Nico decided it was probably time to join the others at their hangout spot. He really didn’t want to deal with Percy right now, after all, he already went through enough drama and trauma in the last 48 hours, no need to get involved in anyone’s business. But Nico was curious, he couldn’t deny that. Yet, there was no way Percy would just open up about why in heaven’s name he broke up with future wife. No, for that he definitely needed the influence of a possibly too strong alcoholic beverage, and Nico took the opportunity to mix one for him.

So, after refilling his own drink and mixing some way too much rum with coke for Percy, the boy decided to walk over to his sister and the others.

“Hey Nico, there you are.’’

“Yeah, there I am,’’ he said awkwardly. Fuck, I should’ve come up with an excuse why I brought an extra drink for Percy, Nico thought.

“I got me something to drink and I saw that Percy didn’t have anything either so I just brought him something over.’’

“Oh thanks,’’ Percy said back. “But I think I might just be fine with some water tonight.’’

“Oh c’mon, we gotta celebrate,’’ Frank chimed in, but after he saw the look on everyone’s face he corrected himself. “Or you know, at least do something that distracts us from all of this. I say there’s nothing wrong with having a drink.’’

“I mean,’’ Nico tried to persuade him “I can have it that’s fine. It’s pretty strong anyway. Nothing a lightweight should drink anyway.’’

“Who you’re calling a lightweight, have you looked at yourself?’’ Percy shot back.

“Well, I bet I can drink more than you.’’

“Oh really? You really think so?’’ The older boy countered.

“Definitely,’’ Nico said back confidently, and smiled on the inside, happy his plan was working.

“Okay fine, I’ll have your drink and then I’ll get us something so we’re fairly competing.’’
“Sounds fair to me,’’ Nico smirked while giving Percy his drink.

Given the younger boy’s remarks, the son of Poseidon drowned a good amount of his drink straight away. Yet he didn’t look too pleased with the mixture.

“I said it’s strong,’’ Nico said, almost laughing.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not complaining about it. Do you hear me complaining?’’ Percy said back.

“Guys,’’ Hazel finally joined their conversation. “I don’t think it’s smart to get wasted tonight.’’

“Oh, why not? Let us have our fun,’’ Frank told her.

“You, my dear, are already at your third drink. And that’s your last.’’

“Oh c’mon,’’ Frank tried to persuade her, but he already know it was pointless. After all, it was fairly obvious who was wearing the pants in their relationship.

“And you, Nico,’’ she went on, “don’t be stupid.’’

“I won’t, you know me.’’

“Yes, and that’s exactly why I’m concerned.’’

“It’ll be fine,’’ Percy then said. “I’ll take care of him and make sure he’s not getting too drunk.’’

“All right, Hazel responded, “if you’re saying that Percy, then it’s gonna turn out all right. I’m sure.’’

But it didn’t.

Over the next couple of hours Nico and Percy tried to one up each other in seeing who could mix more alcohol with whatever non-alcoholic beverage they saw lying around.

The drinks weren’t tasty or anything, if were being honest, most of them tasted like shit, but they sure were having a good time.

Hazel and Frank left them maybe one and a half hours after Nico initially arrived, but he hardly noticed. The drunker he got, the more he noticed just how fun Percy was, and how good looking. Sure, Nico knew that beforehand, but now, after he had drowned maybe four, or five drinks, he didn’t know the amount himself, he was really distracted by just how handsome the older boy was. Now that they were sitting so close Nico was able to notice little details about Percy’s appearance, like a little birth mark over his left cheek, and it killed him. He tried desperately not to think about it, but controlling your thought when you’re drunk turns out really difficult, he found out that night. Percy was in the middle of telling him a story about Tyson, Nico wasn’t even aware that Percy was still in contact with his half-brother, when seemingly out of nowhere Nico just had to bring up what he was thinking about for most of the evening. (Next to how attractive the other boy was).

He didn’t even notice, or care, that he was interrupting him.

“So, Jason said you broke up with Annabeth.’’

This simple phrase rendered Percy speechless. He looked perplexed and really uncomfortable. Maybe he thought the son of Hades hadn’t heard about it yet. Or maybe he was shocked that he would mention it.

“Ah, you’ve heard.’’

“Yeah, I have.’’ Nico could tell the son of Poseidon obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but some part of him, probably the alcohol, pushed him to keep asking.

“So, you know, there must be a reason why you broke up with her.’’

“Well, there is, obviously, I just, I don’t think, I just don’t want to think about it.’’

“Oh, c’mon,’’ Nico persisted, “you sound like she broke up with you. There’s no need to feel so bad about it, right?’’

“Yeah, well, everyone thinks that I’m an asshole, so that fucking sucks.’’

“No one thinks youre an asshole.’’

“Of course they do. Piper has been glaring at me all day, and when it looked like Jason wanted to join our circle when he came around earlier, he left straight away because I was here.’’

That’s not really the reason why he left, Nico thought to himself, yet he couldn’t tell Percy. What other reason could he give Percy of why the blond haired boy stayed away. “Oh don’t worry Percy, he stayed away because he wants me to finally make a move on you. So it’s all good, don’t worry.’’ Yeah, no that would only make things worse. Besides, I’m not going to tell him about this, even if we’re sorta friends now, or whatever this is. It would only ruin it.’’

“…How Hazel and Frank reacted earlier, they clearly…’’

“What, what do you mean? Sorry I was sorta lost in thoughts.’’

Percy continued his rant: “Well, you weren’t there yet, but when I asked to join them them, you should’ve seen the look on their face. They know what happened and the hate me now. Everyone does.’’

“Okay, first of all, Percy, no one fucking hates you. Okay, maybe except Annabeth, but let’s just not focus on that right now. No one else hates you. People are just sad and grieving and then all of the sudden they hear that the couple of the century breaks up and it just, it just doesn’t make sense. It’s weird.’’

“We’re not…we weren’t the couple of the century. And even if we were that wouldn’t change the fact that they’re all on her side. And I don’t even know why I’m so fucking concerned about all of this, it’s probably the alcohol, but at the same time, they’re my friends so of course I care, and it just - it sucks. It sucks, fuck man, I don’t know.’’

“Percy, calm down, okay. Just, ugh,’’ Nico was at a loss for words. He was familiar with feeling like the entire world hates. He still felt like it, every once in a while, even if he knew that people cared about him. It’s a shit feeling, all right, and he knew what Percy was going through. In a way it made sense that the son of Poseidon came to him, Nico reminded him of an easier time, back before this whole Gaia thing, hell, maybe even the time before the second Titan War. It didn’t matter, Percy felt like the entire world hated him, so he came to the someone who he knew would understand him. It all started to make sense to Nico. But that didn’t mean he knew how to make Percy feel any less shit. Most of the time the Italian just waited until he got better, which wasn’t really a coping mechanism he would recommend to anyone. On rare occasions he would talk to Hazel about it, and she was really good at calming him down, but his alcohol induced brain couldn’t remember how she managed to do that. And it’s not like he confided in her all too often, he was mostly scared that he would bother her, which was in general one of Nico biggest fears.

But none of that mattered right now. He had to find a way to make Percy feel less shitty about himself. Plus, he also still wanted to know why he would break up with Annabeth, his curiosity still got the best of him.

“Okay, let’s just, ugh, I don’t know, take a deep breath and let’s think about this logically,’’ Nico said, yet Percy’s didn’t look too convinced.

“C’mon I’m trying to help you here,’’ he tried anew.

“Okay, all right, I’m taking a deep breath and then everything will be all right,’’ Percy said sarcastically, but did it anyway.

“So, like I said, nobody hates you. They’re just confused what is going on and since you don’t really talk about what happened, the only information they’re getting is from your ex-girlfriend. So if they would take sides, which I’m sure they don’t, it only makes sense that they side with her.’’

“Hmm,’’ was all Percy answered.

“So you know, if you would just tell people I’m sure they’d understand. I mean, you don’t have to tell all of them, you can tell me, if you want, if that wouldn’t bother you, I mean. You don’t have to obviously, yeah. I, you know,’’ Nico went on, not really sure what to say. “But they don’t hate you, even if you don’t tell them, I’m sure you had a good reason. I mean of course you did, you wouldn’t have done it otherwise, I’m sure. So it doesn’t even make sense why they’d be against you. Like, there must have been some other reason why Jason didn’t approach us and…’’

“Nico, you’re rambling.’’

“Oh, yeah, guess I am,’’ Nico said awkwardly and he could feel his cheeks heating up. Wow, good job. Guess I’m even more shit at this than I thought.

“But, you know, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better,’’ Percy went on. A small smile crept upon his face, but then he sighed.

“It’s just…complicated. This whole thing with Annabeth, and I feel like I even did a shit job at explaining to her why I wanted to break up. I’m pretty bad with words, and with understanding who I am and what I want. I…it’s just, it’s complicated. I mean, I just never had to think about stuff. Most of the time it felt like I didn’t even have a choice. I was told to do this and do that otherwise the world would come to and end or whatever. I pretty much just did what was expected of me for all of my life, without really thinking about why or if that’s what I really wanted. If that makes sense, I mean I guess none of us really have a choice. So I guess, it’s stupid that I’m complaining about it…’’

“It’s not stupid,’’ Nico interrupted him. “On the contrary, that’s what you feel, so it’s not unimportant or anything. I think it’s good that you’re thinking about that sorta stuff. And it’s important that you realized that what you’re told to do doesn’t always line up with that you want. And that you have a choice, even if it sometimes feels like you don’t. And that’s what it’s like for all of us. If there’s a prophecy you can’t just say ‘oh well, not today’ and move on, it doesn’t work like that. So I get that.’’

“I’m not even talking about prophecies, I’m talking about everything here, from the way I act to who I’m dating. I just…I never wanted to disappoint anyone. I still don’t. I’m not even sure why exactly, maybe I just felt like people depended on me and I wanted to please them. Or maybe it’s some psychological shit with this whole half-blood stuff and growing up without a dad, who knows. I just did what everyone asked of me. I pretended to be this reckless, brave hero who could face the entire world, dated the girl everyone assumed I would eventually end up with anyway and put a smile on my face so it seemed like I was doing all right.’’
Nico was speechless at the other’s confession. He couldn’t believe that Percy Jackson just opened up to him, about stuff that he might have never told anyone, maybe except his ex-girlfriend. And for the first time in his life, Nico felt like he was truly seeing Percy for who he was. The hero who he has been idolizing for all these years was just another sad, broken boy who was hiding his emotions away, just like him. And for whatever bullshit reason, it made Nico love him even more.

“So what you’re saying is,’’ Nico went on, “is that you’ve been lying to yourself and others for all these years and you just now realized?’’

“Not now, some weeks ago when we were on the Argo II. This whole impending death stuff made me think about everything and I guess I realized that I wasn’t truly happy. That most of the time I was just trying to fool myself that everything was all right and, like, how it should be. But it wasn’t what I wanted. And heck, I’m not even completely sure what I want, after all I never really thought about my future, but there were some things I could change. So i told myself if we would survive all of this, I would break up with Annabeth, to show myself that I actually have control over what I do.’’

“Oh,’’ Nico said sadly, “so you’ve only broken up with her so you could show yourself that you can make decisions on your own? Not gonna lie, that’s some pretty shit thing to do.’’

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I just, I love Annabeth, I do and I owe her my life, but I think… I just. I don’t even know how to say it. It’s just that that’s not what I truly want. I… you know, I could go on with all of this and marry her and probably have some kids if we manage to stay alive for that long. And i think it would be fine, but that’s all. It would be fine, but nothing more. I don’t truly want that. I feel like someone else decided that fate for me. And i feel truly bad about it, I wish I could have just broken up with her and she wouldn’t feel this utter shit about it. And i feel so fucking selfish right now, and I hate it. And i hate me right now, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I… .’’ Percy sighed. It became evident to Nico just how lost he felt right now and how guilty.

“You know,’’ Nico responded, “I don’t think you can go through life without hurting anyone. And even if you try, you will only end up hurting yourself, and that’s probably worse….  Look, I don’t wanna say that I know what you’re going through, because I don’t, at least not truly, but I get this hating yourself stuff and it truly sucks. You shouldn’t feel selfish about doing what makes you happy. Hell, even if this means breaking up with Annabeth. It’ll be better in the long run. After all, she’s really smart and I think eventually she would have realized that what she wants and what you want are different things, which probably would have hurt her even more. So, things might be shit right now, but it will turn out for the better, eventually.’’

“Thanks,’’ Percy said with a sad smile on his face. “I feel a little bit better now. Sorry for bombarding you with all my problems.’’

“Oh, don’t apologize. It’s all right, I like helping out,’’ the Italian said while responding with a smile himself.

“Would it make you uncomfortable if I gave you a hug? I, just, sorta really need one right now,’’ Percy asked while looking down, somewhat embarrassed.

“I, hm,…’’ Nico tried not to focus on how red his cheeks must be, “I think, I can also help you out with that. Yeah, I, that’ll be all right.’’ His heart was beating like he just practiced his swordplay.

“All right then,’’ Percy said and moved closer to the son of Hades. By this time of the night almost all other half-bloods have gone back to their cabins/whatever other lodging they could find. A few lights were still on, and one could perfectly see the sparkling stars all over the sky. But the two of them didn’t notice. Nico was too nervous and embarrassed to look anywhere else except Percy who was going in for the hug in that very moment. For a brief moment, as terror was rising up inside of him, he almost wished that he would have said no, but then he could feel Percy’s upper body against him and everything else wasn’t important anymore.

A feeling of calmness and warmth overcame him, and after a few short seconds, Nico hugged him back, not softly or graceful, but like he wanted to for all this time. He clung on to him and buried his face in the crook of Percy’s neck. He should’ve felt embarrassed about it, but at that very moment he was unable to care about that. He wanted this for so long, and he would thank whatever God made this possible for him for probably the rest of his life.

From where his head was resting he could make out the scent of the other boy and Nico hated himself for noticing that he smelled like the ocean. He had to remind himself that getting even more attached to the son of Poseidon would only fuck him over, that he would only end up more miserable and hurt after all of this. And to make matters worse, he felt hopeful again. He knew it was ridiculous, just because Percy broke up with Annabeth didn’t mean he was gay and had a crush on Nico all of the sudden, but… . And there it was, there was always a ‘but’. There was always this little tiny part of him that kept on believing, kept on wishing and hoping, no matter how much Nico tried to kill it. And that part grew bigger and bigger the longer the hug lasted.

But it had to come to an end, of course. Even though Nico wouldn’t have minded hugging Percy for the rest of his life, of course it had to stop. Percy was the one to let go first.

When Nico was able to look at the other’s face again, he saw that he looked embarrassed, and confused for whatever reason.

Fuck, Nico thought to himself, I’ve overdone it now. I should’ve just gone in for this one shoulder bro hug that most guys do. For fucks sake.

But then Percy smiled a little bit, and the son of Hades felt slightly more at ease.

After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, Percy said: “It’s pretty late though, might be for the best if we both go to bed. Who knows what time it even is.’’

“Yeah, you’re right.’’ Nico responded, not sure if what he did was right or wrong. And just like that Percy went to walk towards his cabin. But after a few feet he turned around and faced Nico again who hasn’t moved yet, too lost inside his head.

“Thanks….  I really mean that,’’ Percy said with what Nico could only interpret as a real and genuine smile on his face.

“I don’t mind helping you out, I really mean that as well.’’

Percy nodded and then went his way, leaving Nico behind at the almost empty amphitheater.

Now what the fuck am I gonna do? Nico thought to himself, but he couldn’t come up with an answer. He eventually went to his cabin as well where he was surprised with how soon sleep overcame him.

But before he was truly out, Nico couldn’t help but think about what the other boy was doing right now. And he wondered why he looked so confused after hugging him. But then sleep got the best of him, and when he woke up the next morning he had forgotten all about the look on Percy’s face.

5

For the next couple of days things more or less calmed down and the everyday life of the residing half-bloods became more repetitious and humdrum. Many have gone home to their families, but for the ones staying the routine almost seemed to be welcomed. After all, the excitement and horror of the war was still branded in everyone’s memory. Usually Nico’s day started with a morning jog, a shower and then breakfast. Afterwards he would help at the restoration of the cabins and whatever else needed mending on that particular day. After lunch he would sometimes practice his sword fighting with whoever was around that he actually liked, or he would occupy himself by whatever seemed most pleasing. Then dinnertime rolled around and occasionally afterwards he would join the others at whatever group activity was planned. This is how he approximately spent the week after Leo’s disappearance.

Oh yeah, but then there was Percy. And the drama which was caused by the breakup. Nico couldn’t actually believe it at first, but people, some of whom he never met before, were taking sides in this whole debacle. The son of Hades was sure that Piper didn’t leave Annabeth’s side for one second during that week. And since Jason was dating Piper, he more or less had to be on their side in order not to upset his girlfriend. However, he told Nico in private that he was still rooting for him and that he couldn’t wait for this fiasco to blow over. Hazel and Frank said that they wouldn’t side with anyone, but after a day or two it became evident that Frank mostly supported Annabeth. Hazel, on the other hand, after seeing how much time her brother and Percy spent together, doubted that green eyed half-blood was such a horrible person. After all, Nico was very careful about which people he hung around with, and she believed in his judgement.

“You know,’’ Hazel said to the Italian one afternoon, “if he would just clear things up, I’m sure this wouldn’t have become such a big deal around here.’’

“Hazel, you might not have been here for too long, but drama, especially breakups, is what everyone loves discussing most at our camp. The smartest thing would be to just wait it out until next week some Aphrodite kid decides to break up with whatever boyfriend she has enslaved, and then that will become the hot new thing to talk about. I don’t even understand why anyone cares so damn much, some of them aren’t even friends with either Percy or Annabeth.’’

“And you weren’t either until the beginning of this week,’’ Hazel responded, raising one of her eyebrows.

“All right, for your information, I’ve known both of them for years and yeah, sure, maybe I haven’t been very close with either of them, but at least I knew them.’’

“By the way, you still haven’t told me how you became such good friends with Percy.’’

“First of all, we aren’t ‚‘that good friends’ (Nico used air quotes at that part) and I still don’t really understand it myself, which I’ve already told you.’’

“Well, you said he something about stability and like how he wished things would be like they were before, or something like that.’’

“Yeah, i guess. I just, I can’t read people’s mind, especially not Percy’s. I feel like I’ve never really understood him in all these years that I’ve known him. It’s like he put up a front or whatever.’’

“Hm, of who does this remind me?’’ Hazel said jokingly.

“Oh shut up,’’ Nico said while smiling. “Maybe that’s why he wanted to hang out with me specifically, because I get it, in a way. I get what it’s like to hide what you feel, in more than one way.’’ And with that Nico cheeks turned red. “But you know,’’ he continued, so Hazel wouldn’t have time to think about what exactly he had just said. “I really don’t know if I’m helping him out or not.’’

“I’m pretty sure you are, talking about your feelings usually helps.’’

Nico wasn’t sure whether or not she was referring to that thing, but he honestly didn’t feel like freaking out right now. After all, he decided beforehand that it was easier to not tell her. He had enough to deal with Jason’s teasing and his stupid grins. He didn’t want to take this shit from two people. But he knew that Hazel would respond differently, and he was pretty convinced that she wouldn’t mind, but then again, he didn’t know. She could freak out. She could be disgusted. She could hate him. And for fuck’s sake, he couldn’t lose her. She was the most important person in his life, and he would do everything in his power not to fuck this up.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,’’ Nico said with a fake smile. He couldn’t tell whether or not Hazel was pleased with his reply. The boy knew there was a probability that she might have found out by now, Nico wasn’t that great of an actor and he was pretty sure he stared at Percy way too much, especially now that they were…friends? He was pretty sure they were friends. Regardless, there was no use racking his brain about whether or not his sister knew.

“I’m sure things will turn out just right,’’ Hazel said after a while. “I’m sure by next week no one will be talking about this anymore.’’

“I really hope you’re right.’’

She wasn’t.

—

Nico didn’t know whether he should be surprised or not that a fortnight after the breakup people still couldn’t shut up about it. He understood why, of course. Percy and Annabeth used to be the it-couple at camp, and now that they weren’t together anymore it seemed like other relationships would not be able to last as well. During those two weeks at least three other couples broke up (which Nico heard from Hazel) and tension was running high between the remaining lovebirds. Nico didn’t know whether or not people just felt insecure about the future of their relationship or if some felt like they had an excuse to break up with their significant other. Either way, the son of Hades didn’t want to know about that, nor about whatever shameful rumor Drew Tanaka, the daughter of Aphrodite, was spreading about Percy this time.

Why exactly the kids of the love goddess were so keen on talking bad about people, he couldn’t explain either. That’s just what they do. The Italian just noticed them giggling and whispering way more than usual, which wasn’t to his delight since he was already annoyed by their usual behavior. He just couldn’t relate to people whose main point on their agenda was how they looked and what boy/girl they would date next. And he knew this was all stereotypical, after all he knew Piper pretty well by now and saw that that’s not how all of them behaved, but for real, there’s a reason why stereotypes exist.

Nico pretty much preferred not encountering any of them, especially after the last time when two Aphrodite kids he didn’t know pointed out that black wasn’t a color and that he shouldn’t look so damn grim all of the time. He got it, he looked like the emo kid who would slashed his arms open every night, but damn, they should just leave him alone. He didn’t do that shit in the first place, and secondly, he just liked black and rock music, there was nothing wrong with that.

He didn’t even know why he was so concerned about what others thought of him in the first place, it infuriated him how he just couldn’t stop giving a fuck. No matter what he did he couldn’t let go of his insecurity, he couldn’t stop caring. Which is also how he got into the mess with Drew. Things would have been much easier if he just ignored her, like he usually did, but for some reason something snapped inside of him.

It was roughly two weeks after the war with Gaia and Octavian and all that took place. Piper, Jason and Annabeth were on the lookout for Leo so they haven’t been at camp for some days.

Nico suspected that the reason for Annabeth joining the search party was because she didn’t want to be reminded of the breakup anymore, and he couldn’t blame her. And in general, he didn’t have anything against her, well, not anymore. He used to hate her some time ago when he was scornful and angry and tended to blame others for his problems. Yet, he realized that it wasn’t her fault the son of Poseidon didn’t care this way about him, and neither was it Percy’s. There really wasn’t anyone to blame, so Nico did what he knew best, he blamed himself.

And Drew Tanaka didn’t make things easier for him. On the contrary, ever since Annabeth left, her rumors became more boisterous and just plain stupid. It wasn’t bad enough that the people who listened to her, and apparently there were more dumb people at camp that Nico would’ve guessed, thought that Percy cheated on her while he was at Camp Jupiter. Or that Percy has been cheating on Annabeth all this time. Or that he didn’t care about her in the first place and just dated her because he wanted people to think he was cool. Because having a girlfriend is what makes you cool, at least according to the daughter of Aphrodite. Nico just ignored all that stuff, like any other person with at least three braincells would do, but then she had to make it personal.

He was on his way to the dining pavilion that night when she and her minions yelled after him. They were a group of five girls, most of them probably belonging to the Aphrodite cabin from the way they were dressed. The son of Hades planned to keep marching towards the pavilion where Percy most likely waited for him, but then Drew walked right in front of them, which made him stop.

“I yelled your name, you know,’’ Drew said with a smile that probably would’ve worked on Nico if he was straight.

“Yeah, I heard. Now can you stop blocking the way,’’ Nico responded and then took a step left only to have Drew follow his move. The girls who followed her formed a circle around the two of them. Nico sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Why so impatient, anxious to meet someone at dinner?’’ the girl said with a wink.

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but not everyone is eager to give you the time of day.’’

“Oh, hun,’’ she said with a smile, “you’re just supporting my hypothesis here.’’

Nico was surprised that Drew even knew the word hypothesis.

“Whatever theory you wanna justify, I don’t give a damn, so just…’’ Nico said as he took a couple of steps forward, only to have another girl right in front of him. Drew took him by his shoulder and made him face her again.

“Sweety, look I’m not gonna take up a lot of your time, just give me two minutes and I let you go to your lover boy.’’

Nico was confused, but he also started panicking. He knew exactly whom she was referring to.

But she couldn’t know. There was no way, no one knew except Jason, and he would never tell anyone else, especially not Drew. But what if she found out? What if I was looking at him in a way and she saw? What if she can read my thoughts? No, that’s ridiculous, Aphrodite kids can’t do that. But what if someone else she knows can do that? What if? Jesus Nico, calm down. She’s fucking bluffing. She doesn’t know shit. She can’t.

The Italian really hoped that it wasn’t evident from just looking at him how much he was freaking out. He tried to calm his breathing before responding “I have no idea what you’re talking about.’’

Drew just grinned. “Oh sure, you don’t. You’re just anxious to get to dinner because you probably haven’t eaten in like two days.’’

Nico didn’t know what to reply. How could one person be this fucking…mean? He sounded like a ten-year-old kid, but for Gods’ sake, you don’t tell that to people. Furthermore, he also didn’t want to say anything that could convince the girl that he indeed had a stupid ass crush on the older half-blood.

“Drew,’’ a girl with brown hair that Nico hadn’t really acknowledged so far now, sheepishly said “maybe you’re taking it too far. I know someone who suffered from that, it’s not really funny.’’

The girl wasn’t as ostentatiously dressed as the rest of them. Her hair was just in a messy braid and she had freckles on her face that the applied make up on her face couldn’t really cover. She looked like she had much more personality than the other four combined.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny,’’ Drew shot back. “And whether or not you once knew someone doesn’t really matter right now. What matters is finding out why Percy decided to give up on the future that some of us, including you, can only dream of. Why would he give up true love? And I have a gut feeling that the answer has something to do with him,’’ she said while pointing at the black-haired boy.

“You know I really can’t help you with that,’’ the son of Hades countered. “And it doesn’t really matter anyway, no matter what, you’d just gonna make up some stupid lies about Percy, so excuse me, but I’m fucking leaving.’’

“So you know why he did it?’’ Drew asked while clinging onto his shoulders so the Nico couldn’t leave. He sighed. He would’ve swung his sword if he had it with him and for a couple of seconds he even considered calling on some undead warriors to his rescue, but that would’ve drawn even more attention to them. Instead, he gripped her arm, probably to forceful, shoved her and the other girls away and marched towards his destination.

“So Percy doesn’t have a crush on you?’’ Drew yelled after him. This made Nico halt, he felt paralyzed. Fuck, the boy thought, how could she possibly think that? In what universe does she live in? Drew made a few steps towards him. When she came into focus he saw her grinning. She knew she got him. “Or is it the other way around? Do you have a crush on him, and he feels bad about it so he broke up with Annabeth?’’

Nico felt himself blushing, but he couldn’t lose his shit now. Otherwise she would know, and there is nothing worse than fucking Drew Tanaka knowing your darkest secret.

“That doesn’t make any sense,’’ Nico said after he regained some of his composure. “Why the hell would he break up with her just to, like, make me feel better. If I would have a crush on him, which is ridiculous, I mean, that wouldn’t make any sense. We haven’t really been good friends, so why would he end it just to please me, an old friend, someone who doesn’t even care about too much.’’ It pained Nico saying that, but even then, he knew it was true. He went on with his speech. “That’s just ludicrous. And just really illogical, you should really work on your theories, you know.’’

“But then explain to me why you’re all buddy-buddy right now. There has to be a reason’’

“Heck, I can’t read Percy’s mind, so just let things slide.’’

“So it was his decision to be friends, interesting.’’

“Gods, I’m not giving an interview here. We’re done now. I’ve you’re not gonna leave me alone I’m really gonna fight you now.’’

“All right, all right,’’ Drew said while holding her hands up, looking way too innocent. She truly mastered the art of perceiving people. “I was just a little bit curious, I didn’t want to do any harm,’’ she said and stepped back. “C’mon girls, we got what we came for,’’ and with that she strode back towards the cabins. The others followed her instantaneously. All except the brown-haired girl who spoke up earlier. She looked like she wanted to say something to Nico, but was too shy to do so. Instead she just looked at him sadly and then walked towards the cabins as well.

Nico didn’t really know what she was all about, but he felt some empathy for her. Your life surely couldn’t be great when you hung around people like that. But he didn’t really think too much about her, his worries got the best of him. He was paranoid that Drew knew something, there must have been a reason why she made those accusations. And if she thought about it, others might to. Should he stop hanging out with Percy? No, couldn’t. He would rather torture himself by falling in love over and over again whenever Percy smiled at him, than face a reality of not see him anymore. He was weak.

Eventually the Italian made it to the dining pavilion where he found Percy sitting with Hazel and some other half-blood he probably should know the name of. Ever since the war ended, the rules at the table haven’t been as strict. People just sat with whomever they wanted to, which Nico found much more sensible. He remembered sitting on his own after his sister died and there was nothing worse than that. He wouldn’t want some other kid sitting on their own just because their sibling died, no one should know what that’s like.

“Oh, you finally made it,’’ Hazel said when he arrived at their table. She got up and gave him a hug, which he really needed after what just happened.

“Yeah, some kids of Aphrodite wanted to talk to me about some stuff,’’ he responded as he sat down next to his sister.

“Oh, don’t tell me Drew and her gang…’’ Hazel said angrily.

“Don’t worry about, it’s fine. They just need something to occupy their time with. Gods know what they would do if they didn’t spent their entire day playing dress up and spreading rumors.’’

“As long as you say it’s all right,’’ Hazel responded. Nico had a feeling she knew that there was more to it. Maybe he still looked distraught. He probably did. After all, someone might be finding about what he is trying his hardest to hide. And he couldn’t let that happen.

6

All right, Nico was sure that hanging out with Percy would going to drive him mad eventually. Forget all the shit he’s seen in the underworld which has been burned into his mind or the wars he’s fought in, Percy was going to be the reason why he was going to lose himself. Or he was going to have a heart attack. These are the only two possibilities.

Ever since they triumphed over Gaia Percy and Nico have been more or less seeing each other every day. There was a time when Percy went home to visit his mother, but he returned only after a couple of days. After all, it was still summer and camp half-blood was where the son of Poseidon spent his summers. Nico thought there might be some additional reason behind his decision, but he dropped the topic regardless.

In general, talking with Percy was more or less a challenge. After he told Nico that he put up a facade, the son of Hades couldn’t help but wonder what else Percy was holding back. And he desperately wanted to now, and not just because he fancied him. Nico knew how shit it felt to be holding yourself back, to not be able to talk about what you’re truly thinking and feeling. And to have no one to talk to about that shit. So he wanted to be that person for Percy, no matter how many other friends the boy had.

But it was frustrating. For the first time he truly understood how hard this must be for Hazel. He talked to her about his…issues, but she sometimes had to keep nagging him about stuff for several days just so he would open up. And there were several other occasions when he wouldn’t tell her anything, or he just made up a dumb excuse which resulted in her looking sad and disappointed. He never knew how much work went into trying to persuade someone to open up. And especially how much frustration.

Worst of all, Percy was like him when it came to dealing with problems: he never told anyone what was bothering him, he never looked for help, he never wanted to depend on others.

Which was truly unhealthy, Nico could tell him this much, but he doubted telling him so would’ve bettered their relationship.

And he truly didn’t know what their relationship was. They were friends, but sometimes things felt a little bit off. And yes, Nico mostly blamed himself for that, he sometimes said something funny, or he worried too much about what to respond so he wouldn’t say anything at all, but Percy was acting weird as well. Nico couldn’t really put it into words. The other boy would sometimes act nervous or unsure or Nico would even go as far and say insecure, but that wasn’t how the son of the sea god behaved at all. But then again, Nico couldn’t really tell was Percy was truly feeling, which is the reason why he was so frustrated all of the time. He was frustrated and hurt because hanging out with Percy kept reminding him how hopeless and futile his feelings were. Yet he wanted to get closer to the other, no matter how much pain it would cause him. And the boy was used to it by now.

If Jason was around he probably would’ve told Nico to stop doing what he was doing, that he shouldn’t try to elevate Percy from his problems, that he was acting like a damn fool, but he and Piper were still looking for Leo. The longer they stayed away, the less hopeful Nico felt about all three of them returning.

However, since Jason couldn’t talk him out of doing whatever stupid stuff his mind came up, he kept trying to understand Percy better, he kept wishing that the other boy would open up to him about his problems like the night at the amphitheater. Nico was just clueless what were the right words to say. He couldn’t just say: “Hey, I see you’re going through shit and I wanna help you so please, for the love of Gods, tell me what is going on.’’ He would seem desperate or needy, or maybe he would push Percy away with being too straight forward.

However, two and a half weeks after the war, there might have been a breakthrough.

It was the day Hazel and Frank left in order to return back to Camp Jupiter.

Nico was aware that this day would come, but he still wasn’t prepared. After all they’ve been through it felt weird to say goodbye to his sister again. But it was only natural, the two demigods stayed longer than the rest of the other camp. At first they would help rebuilding the camp, but afterwards the black-haired boy was sure the main reason she stayed that long was for him.

“You know, I don’t have to leave yet. Frank really has to go fulfill his duty as praetor, but I can stay for another week or so,’’ Hazel said on the day of her departure. The two of them were standing in front of the big house with a view on Thalia’s pine.

“I already said it’s fine. I appreciate you sticking around for so long, but Camp Jupiter is your home and it’s only normal for you to want to return.’’

“Yeah, but…’’

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll send you an iris message if things get bad.’’

“You promise?’’ She said while holding up her pinky and looking into his eyes.

Nico smiled and touched her finger with his. “I appreciate you not forcing me to swear on the river Styx.’’

“I trust you,’’ she said and smiled back.

“I’ll really miss you, though,’’ Nico said softly, almost shyly.

“You better do,’’ she responded and went into for a hug. “I’ll miss you too. And you better visit soon like you said you would.’’

“A promise’s a promise’’

“Good,’’ she said as she let go. “Hey Frank,’’ she spoke while looking at the demigod who was just arriving.

“Hey,’’ he said and kissed her on her cheek. “You ready to go?’’

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting on you,’’ Hazel told him. Nico liked seeing them together. He liked seeing her happy and the son of Mars/Ares (whatever) was always able to do so.

Frank then turned to him. “All right Nico, it was nice getting to know you better over the last weeks and yeah. Hazel said you’re gonna visit us, that’ll be pretty cool. ‘Til then, hope you’re enjoying your stay here.’’

“Yeah, it was nice getting to know you better too.’’ Nico said out of courtesy. Yes, he and Frank got to talk more over the last weeks since they both wanted to spend time with the daughter of Hades. Nico liked him all right, but he didn’t feel like he’d really gotten to know him. He guessed they’d sorta qualify as friends, given their shared history and all. The praetor stepped a foot forward, clearly going in for a hug, but he stopped himself, looking unsure. He obviously didn’t know whether or not he should hug the other half-blood. After a few awkward seconds Nico just stretched his hand out and that was their goodbye.

The younger boy still wasn’t too comfortable touching other people, even if he made an exception for Hazel who gave him another quick hug and then started to walk away with her boyfriend.

He would surely miss Hazel, but he wanted what was best for her, and he knew she was happiest at the other camp.

Now with Jason and Hazel gone, Nico started to feel more alone. The two people who he could talk to everything about were gone. However, there was still Percy.

On the evening after the departure the remaining demigods would go after their usual evening activities. Some would leave with friends, others spent some alone time in their cabin, but most of them were at the bonfire, including Nico and Percy.

Some Apollo kids were tuning their guitars and ukuleles, most likely bracing themselves for another round of ‘Who can play more songs by Oasis?’ Nico wasn’t too thrilled. It’s not like he minded the band, but there are only so many times one can listen to overly enthusiastic kids sing ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’ without going mentally insane. He felt like he would rather commit suicide than listen to them shouting ‘Stop Crying Your Heart Out’ one more time.

“I might sit this one out,’’ Nico said to Percy who was sitting next to him talking to some other campers he was friends with.

“Hah? What you say?’’ Percy asked him, interrupting his conversation to talk to the younger boy.

“I said I’m leaving. I’d rather puke than sit through the Apollo kids screaming “So Sally could wait’’ at the top of their lungs one more time.’’

“Oh, c’mon it was sorta fun last week.’’

“Yeah, because we were all slightly tipsy and made fun of them. But I don’t see your secret stash of booze anywhere around.’’

“So you’re just gonna leave?’’

“Well, yeah. I’m not really into torturing myself,’’ Nico responded and started getting up, yet Percy took a hold of his shoulder (which totally didn’t make the other boy blush).

“Hm, wait a sec,’’ the son of Poseidon said and talked to the three other half-bloods who he was talking to earlier.

After a while the green eyed boy said “All right, let’s go then,’’ and got into a standing position.

Nico got up right after him, confused. “What do you mean? You don’t have to leave, I just…’’

“Nah, you’re right. Listening to them yell songs we’ve heard for a hundred times doesn’t sound too fun. Let’s just go somewhere else.’’

“Ah…Sure, yeah, all right them.’’

The two of them left the area. Nico wasn’t sure where exactly Percy was going but decided to follow him anyway. He couldn’t really understand his thought process, yet he was almost used to the other’s strange and impulsive behavior. The two demigods walked past the climbing wall and eventually came to the beach where Percy came to a halt. Nico should’ve guessed that this was where he was going, after all, that’s where Percy must feel most secure and comfortable.

“Is here all right?’’ Percy asked Nico, sounding almost unsure.

“Yeah totally,’’ Nico answered and the two of them settled down in the sand. The sun was almost down completely and the Italian could feel a slight breeze, which he welcomed.

Silence overcame them as they watched the last bit of the sun disappear behind the sea. 

The son of Hades wasn’t really sure what to say. He didn’t understand why Percy decided to leave with him. Does he pity me? Maybe he just doesn’t want me to be on my own? What if he feels bad for me and now he’s having the lamest evening because I’m a fucking unsocial mess. He probably realized what a bad decision it was and now he’s too awkward to leave. Fuck, I should say something.

“Uhm, you know, you don’t have to stay with me. I’m really fine… on my own so you should just have a good evening with your pals.’’ Pals? Who says pals? Awesome, what if he thinks that I want him gone. Does it sound like I said ‘Sorry Percy, I appreciate your company but please fuck off’?

“It’s fine. I like it here,’’ Percy said, looking at him

All right, calm down. Don’t overthink this. This is like last time the two of you were on your own, which was…that night two weeks ago when we had too much to drink. Shit, we haven’t been on our own since then? Why was always someone else around? What if he realized that he doesn’t even like me around but he doesn’t wanna say anything. What if that’s why he wanted to come here so he could…?

“Dude, stop it.’’

“What do you mean? Nico asked, confused. He hadn’t said anything.

“I might not be able to read thoughts, but you’re thinking way too hard about whatever is going on in your mind, right now.’’

“I…How did you…?’’

“It’s the look in your face and the panic in your eyes. You’re not that hard to read, you know.’’

“I…I guess that makes sense, yeah.’’ He better not have read that otherwise I’m fucked. But he can’t. He just can’t. But if Drew found out, no she didn’t found out, she’s full of shit. It was just a lucky guess. He can’t…

“And you’re doing it again,’’ Percy said.

“Yeah, I…sorry. There’s a lot on my mind.’’

“You know you can talk to me about stuff, right?’’

“Yeah, of course.’’ Nico said while internally freaking out that the other boy knew.

“Especially now that Hazel is gone. And Jason as well. I know I’m not really a good substitute or anything, and I’m better at just doing stuff instead of thinking about it, but I’m here. And I don’t want you to feel alone.’’

“I don’t feel alone,’’ Nico said tentatively.

“Sure, of course you don’t,’’ Percy responded in a sarcastic tone.

“Now what is that supposed to mean?’’ Nico sneered.

“It means that you don’t trust me.’’

“The fuck do you want, Jackson? Do you wanna play my therapist or something?’’

“No, I don’t…fuck I’m so shit at this, I…’’ Percy stammered. “I, just, what can I do to make you trust me?’’

“I, um…’’ Nico was speechless. He didn’t know what to say to the other boy. He looked over to the green-eyed boy and saw sorrow on his face.

“Just why do you even care all of a sudden?’’ Nico mumbled. He didn’t even want to hear his response.

“I, to be honest I don’t even know exactly,’’ Percy said bashfully.

Wow, great fucking response, Nico thought to himself.

Percy went on: “I just…this fight or whatever it is that stands between us has been bugging me for quite some time now, probably years. And I just wanted things to be finally all right between us.’’

“Well, I’m sorry that not everyone is in love with you.’’

Percy blushed and looked to the ground. “That’s not what I meant.’’

“Haven’t things been fine with us lately?’’

“They have, I guess. Fuck, I don’t even know why I care so damn much, it’s just that I always felt I was partially to blame for what happened to you. But I never really tried to…’’

“Wait, so you did this because you pitied me? Oh wow, fucking thanks. How fucking lucky for me that the all mighty Perseus Jackson, boy of the prophecy, has taken fucking pity on me and now, four years later, still wants to make up for the death of my sister. I already told you back then that you shove your pity up your ass.’’ Nico was furious. He was about to storm off, but the other boy grabbed his hand.

“Don’t fucking touch me.’’

“It’s not what you think,’’ Percy pleaded. “Just give me a second to explain.’’

“I don’t care what you have to say. I’m sorry you feel burdened because of me.’’ The younger boy tried to free himself, but the other’s grip was too strong.

“Fuck man, I care about you, why can’t we just get along?’’ The son of the sea god cried.

“Just let go of me,’’ Nico demanded, he was still trying to free himself.

“Please, just tell me what I can do,’’ Percy insisted.

“Nothing, there is absolutely fucking nothing you can do, and now let go of me or I’ll summon some skeletons to fight you.’’

With that the older boy let go of him. Yet Nico’s resentment faded when he looked at the other teen. Percy’s miserable state made him feel guilty for snapping at him. Yet, he didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know how to make it better. He was never good at apologizing, or admitting he was wrong. Eventually the younger demigod sighed and said: “Stop caring so much about others, Jackson. It’s gonna kill you in the end.’’ And with that he left without looking back at the other’s hopeless face.

Fuck, Nico thought to himself as soon as he entered his cabin.

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. Why do I always do that? Why do I always have to push people away. For Gods’ sake, why couldn’t I react like any fucking sane person out there. Why do I always have to overreact and make a big scene out of nothing. He probably doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. Shit. Gods, he’s so definitely sick of me.

The half-blood went to his bed and sat down on it, his head in his hands.

Gods, there is no way things will ever be right again. Fuck, he said he cared about me and the first damn thing I do is yell at him?! And why? Because I don’t want him pitying me? Fuck, why can’t we just leave the past behind. I don’t even wanna think about her anymore. Why couldn’t he just say that he wanted us to get along because he likes me. Fuck, I need to stop this wishful thinking, it’s gonna be the end of me. And what exactly did he even mean when he said he blamed himself for what happened to me? Fuck, can’t he stop feeling so damn sorry for me? Gods, how am I gonna sleep tonight?

It did indeed take him forever to fall asleep. Yet, in the early hours of the morning Hypnos finally showed mercy on him.

7

Nico was right in assuming that things would change between him and Percy Jackson. They didn’t really spend their days together anymore, and whenever they randomly saw each other at camp things were just weird and awkward. It felt like either of them had so much to tell the other, but couldn’t bring themselves to talk about anything else than mundane, frivolous things for a couple of minutes before either went their own way.

It made Nico felt like plain shit. And he actually considered on returning to the underworld. He still didn’t feel too welcome at camp, but it was manageable with his friends around. But now…he didn’t really see any reason to stay. Additionally, most people were still weary of him, no matter how many times he had risked his ass to save the demigod training ground. Or maybe his presence just reminded people of death. Either way, he just about had it and he would have left if fucking Jason Grace hadn’t persuaded him.

Nico didn’t know whether or not he was lucky that he and Piper returned on a sunny morning just shortly after his and Percy’s ‘disagreement’. For one thing, Nico knew Jason would force him to talk to the other again, probably apologize as well, which he totally wasn’t looking forward to. At the same time, no matter how much he wanted to preserve his image - the loner who didn’t care about anyone - really missed the blond teen. He wanted someone to confide in, someone whose social skills weren’t as shit as his own, someone who could just tell him what to do. And he knew Jason was the perfect person to help him with that.

“You’re really shit at this, aren’t you?’’ Jason asked. They were sitting outside of Zeus’ cabin.

“What do you mean exactly?’’

“Human interaction.’’

“I…Yeah, maybe.’’ Nico looked down. Jason sighed. Nico continued: “I tried, I just…I never know the right thing to say.’’

“I mean, from what you’re saying it’s obvious that he wants to get you know you better. Which is something you should have been freaking excited about. And yet…’’

“I was…’’ Nico interrupted, “I was happy about it. I just…why did he have to bring her up? If he just would have left her out of this than I wouldn’t have said any of this.’’

“You know, you can’t just blame someone for all your problems.’’

Nico glared at him.

“Hey, don’t stare at me like that. I’m just telling the truth.’’

“I know…I know, and it’s not like I blame him…I just hate talking about it. It just makes me fucking miserable, so I would rather not bring it up.’’

“Hm…how about you tell him that now?’’ Jason suggested.

“Fuck Jason, I can’t. It’s too late.’’

“Look, I know you’re shit at apologizing and, like, every other part of socializing, but you have two options: Either you man up and tell him that you fucked up and that you’re sorry. Or, and I really don’t like this option, you keep on ignoring him until he leaves camp at the end of summer. You probably won’t see him until the year after and by then it’s definitely too late, so you just keep up this awkward aura that the two of you have for the rest of your lives. You’ll probably die heroically in some sort of battle and just before everything turns black you’re gonna regret this very moment.’’

“Jeez Jason, you’re even more dramatic than me.’’

“Hey, just trying to help you man. But for real, what do you have to lose?’’

“My dignity?’’

“Ah, well, that’s overrated. No one cares about that anymore in the 21st century.’’

“Oh shut up,’’ but Nico smiled at him regardless.

“Look, kid, I don’t want you walking around for the rest of your life thinking about what could’ve been. That’s why I’ve been saying that you should just tell him about it.’’

“Gods, Jason, I already told you, I can’t. There is absolutely no way I can tell him. And stop calling me ‘kid.’’’

“All right, sir. That better?’’

Nico rolled his eyes.

“But anyway,’’ Jason continued “It’s really not that big of a deal. People tell me that stuff all of the time and I don’t make a scene out of it. I just feel flattered.’’

“Well you aren’t Percy, he’s…different.’’

“Geez, you sound like a 12-year-old girl.’’

“Shut it, Grace.’’

“Just stop moping around tell him you messed up. Otherwise Imma have to do it for you.’’

“You wouldn’t.’’

Jason grinned and asked the other: “You really think so?’’

And when Nico’s eyes met the others, he knew he was absolutely screwed. The couple of weeks that he has truly known Jason has shown him enough evidence that he would indeed do it. Jason was irrational and impulsive, and he did what felt right in a certain moment, without truly thinking about further consequences. Perfect character traits to screw over Nico’s life entirely.

“Okay, fine. I’m telling him what a big screw up I am and that it’s not his fault I fuck up all my personal relationships,’’ the boy finally gave in.

“Perfect, that’s all I wanted to hear,’’ Jason responded.

Nico sighed, but went on ahead regardless.

He found Percy in the arena, helping some younger campers in improving their sword fighting techniques. He was dressed in his usual apparel, orange camp shirt and blue jeans, yet he looked absolutely stunning to the younger boy. To be honest, Nico wasn’t sure if Percy actually looked that impressive to everyone, so graceful yet strong and absolutely masculine. His hair was always all over the place, messy; yet it looked like they were purposefully kept like this. It complimented Percy’s spontaneity and sense for adventure. The sea god was somewhat lanky though his muscles were well defined. Nico stared at the way he ducked and blocked and feigned attacks. He looked good like that. It was obvious the teen was having fun sparing with the younger campers and the way he smiled whenever he tricked a kid was absolutely mesmerizing to Nico. He could look at him all day, he probably would have, if Percy hadn’t noticed him staring.

Shortly after the son of Poseidon stopped his current battle, told something to the younger kid and then made his way over to Nico, who was waiting awkwardly near the entrance.

“Hey,’’ Percy said to him, avoiding his gaze.

“Hey,’’ Nico responded, taking a deep breath in. “Look, I just wanted to come over and say that I’m sorry, you know, about the other night. I should’ve said something before, and I don’t know why I didn’t but ugh…I guess I’m doing it now and I just wanted to say that I shouldn’t have freaked out that much. I just…I’m really shit with people and talking about stuff that matters and I just…’’

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said what I did. I just assumed things.’’

“Well, it’s not like you were wrong or anything. But someone else pointing out how alone I am sorta sucks, and I…’’

“I can understand that’’ Percy responded. “Of course you didn’t want to hear something like that. To be honest, I don’t even know why I responded in such a way.’’ Percy looked thoughtfully. “I think I was just frustrated with how things have been between us.’’

“What do you mean?’’ Nico asked the older boy.

Percy sighed. “I don’t know, I just want us to be honest with each other, I guess. I knew something was going on with you, but you wouldn’t tell me and that just made me all frustrated.

“But it’s fine,’’ Percy clarified, “if you don’t want to tell me something, it’s totally cool. I seriously had no right to react in that way.’’

“No, it’s all good,’’ Nico interrupted. He looked down on the floor, somewhat bashful. “I was the only who messed it up. If I wouldn’t have freaked out like that…’’

“We’re both shit at social interactions and learning how to become friends. How about that?’’ Percy offered. He looked at the younger boy with a slight smile. His face looked compassionate, but it was also asking for forgiveness; and Nico was more than happy to comply.

“Fine.’’ The younger boy said, his spirit immediately lifted. “You know, Jason recommended that I would go down on my knees begging for forgiveness, but I guess I’m relieved I don’t really have to do that’’ Nico joked.

“Well…’’ A crooked smile crept upon the sea god’s face. “Now that you mentioned it, I actually do find it necessary for you to grovel for forgiveness in front of the ‘almighty Percy Jackson who totally only wanted to be your friend out of pity’’’.

“Ugh, can we just forget I ever said any of that?’’ Nico pleaded.

“Sure, sure, I was just joking.’’  Percy responded and then looked in the other teen’s eyes. A certain seriousness swept over the older boy, and Nico noted to pay attention to what was going to be said next.

“But you know,’’ the son of Poseidon continued with a stern look on his face, “that that’s not the reason why I wanted to become friends in the first place?’’

“Oh, of course not,’’ Nico responded. Was he worried about that? Nico asked himself. Has Percy been worried about that over the last few days? Was Percy really worried about something regarding him?

“That’s good.’’ Percy responded with an almost inaudible sigh.

“You didn’t worry about that, did you?’’ Nico inquired, before he realized that was probably a much too personal thing to ask.

“Ehhh…’’ Percy answered, avoiding the other’s eyes. “A little bit, I guess. I didn’t want to leave the impression that I looked down on you or anything of the like.

“Especially,’’ the sea god added a few seconds later, “because nothing but the opposite is true.’’

“Oh…’’ Nico responded but then fell short on words. He could have sworn he saw a light shade of pink spread over the other boy’s cheeks. Though he might have been imagining that; after all, it was still summer, and Apollo has been doing a great job for them over the last couple of days. Besides, there was no way Percy could have been flustered that easily; especially not about something that was concerning him.

“What I mean is,’’ Percy tried, obviously not as content as Nico about the silence that has fallen between them, “I do not pity you. On the contrary, you’ve been through so much, more than most of us, and despite all of that, or maybe because of all of that, you’re much stronger and resilient than almost anyone I know.’’

What the fuck? Nico thought. He was staring at the other boy, looking incredulous. What the hell is going on, is he trying to compliment me? He definitely is, right? But why? What does he want? Why would he do that? What the hell?

“I just,’’ apparently Percy was not done yet, “I just, I never really thought about all you’ve been through, and all you had to endure, over all these years, until very recently. I knew it was a lot, but I mean that’s just the fate we are dealt with as half-bloods, but it never really dawned on me just how much you actually had to go through.’’

“Well yeah,’’ Nico responded tentatively. He didn’t know in what direction he wanted to response. He was still trying to judge the situation, get a clearer picture about what was going on, figure out if Percy Jackson did indeed just compliment him??? (which he probably didn’t), but still.

The smaller boy therefore continued with caution: “I guess I’ve been through a lot, but I’m not the only one. As you said, that’s just the fate we’re dealt with…’’

“Yeah, but still’’ Percy interrupted, he sounded almost hopeful, “despite all of that, you’re still here. You still helped defeat Gaea, you still helped around camp, you helped me, and I just…’’ Percy trailed off.

Helped me? Wait, I helped Percy?

“I just,’’ Percy tried anew, sounding somewhat small “I think you’re amazing, Nico’’ He said, and looked the mentioned boy earnestly in the eyes.

Nico could see himself reflected in the other’s sea green eyes. In them, he saw an utterly confused version of himself staring back.

Amazing. Did he just actually say ‘amazing’? Did he just… what? Did he just say I am amazing? Nico could not stop his head from spinning. Too many thoughts were racing all at once. Did Percy actually just compliment him? Did he actually just say that? There was no way… this had to be a dream or an allusion or something. Aphrodite must be playing an awful trick on him, because there was no way, absolutely no way in all of Tartarus, that Percy fucking Jackson just said what Nico thought he did.

“I…’’ Nico tried to answer, but to no avail. He did not know how to possibly respond to all of this. It was one thing if Hazel called him that. Sure, it still made him uncomfortable whenever she complimented him (given how utterly inadequate he saw himself), but he could deal with that; at least, he understood where it was coming from. But this. This?! Nico was absolutely unprepared for this situation.

“Sorry if that was a weird thing to say,’’ Percy blurted out after a while. The other teen probably sensed that his words have put Nico in an unfamiliar, and probably uncomfortable situation, and was trying to fix that now.

“I just recognized over the last few days that it was stupid of me to get mad at you for not opening up to me when I was doing the exact same thing. So, I figured, you know this time, I would say what was on my mind, even if it sounded stupid, I guess. So yeah, sorry if I made you uncomfortable with what I said. I didn’t mean to, I just...’’ The sea god trailed of again. Staring down at his feet for the gods know how many-eth time today.

Nico looked at the other boy, he looked somewhat embarrassed, uncomfortable with the situation they were in, like he said something wrong. This allowed hints of anger to rise up in the black-haired boy. Percy shouldn’t be feeling this, Nico decided; and he got angry at himself for letting the situation come this far. It was Nico’s shortcomings that were the reason for Percy feeling this way, there was no other explanation to the young teen.

“It’s all good,’’ Nico responded, trying to sound assuring and put together. “I just don’t really receive compliments on the regular and I didn’t really know how to respond, that’s all.’’

“I see,’’ Percy said after processing what the younger boy just said to him.

“But...’’ Nico continued, “I don’t really see a reason for you to think of me in that way. Sure, I’ve been through a lot, but so have you, so has Jason and Hazel and every other camper here. Maybe I’ve been through more shit than others, but that doesn’t make me remarkable or... amazing.’’ Nico was feeling flustered just talking about it.

“I just keep on going because what else is there to do...’’ Nico answered, wondering whether or not he succeeded in sounding humble instead of utterly pitiful.

“But in a way isn’t that already remarkable?’’ the son of Poseidon wondered out loud. “Because, you know, I think it’s quite amazing (Gods he said that word again, Nico thought to himself) that you keep on fighting despite all of that.’’ Percy answered his imposed question.

“I....’’ Nico answered, but then decided he did not want to argue against someone as stubborn as Percy. Besides, knowing that his crush thought of him in such a positive light made Nico indeed feel ... amazing. The knowledge made his face warm up, probably just as much as when the teen realized his feelings for the other in the first place. Shit, Nico thought to himself. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up to such an extent that he was scared it was audible beyond himself. Nico didn’t really know what to say, or what to do. He felt lucky that Percy talked to him in such an earnest way. He felt special, and he found that small hopeful part of him, that part that still believed after all these years, grow bigger and bigger. And then he caught himself, even if it was just for a second, thinking maybe he could actually like me back.