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“Do it.”
“Fuck. No.”
“You said you would.”
“Well, you’re fucking drunk.”
“Watch your language, Greyjoy.”
“Watch your cup, Lannister.”
Yes, it was quite an unusual pairing. Theon Greyjoy and Jaime Lannister had virtually nothing in common. Perhaps, the friendship of the shortest of Lannisters was enough to connect these two, but virtually nothing else. So why they were at this bar together was a really good question. One many people looking at them were asking.
If you asked Theon Greyjoy, he would say that he was there because he wanted drinks and a good fuck and he let Jaime tag along out of pity. The poor bloke was pathetic.
Jaime Lannister would differ in this opinion and say that he needed to get wasted and was being courteous in letting the Greyjoy tag along. Because Jaime was a nice guy and helping the kid out.
The real answer was Tyrion had forced them both there to help each other sort through their individual personal issues. For whatever reason, Tyrion seemed to think that Theon and Jaime could help each other with their problems. They both begged to differ. They were nothing alike and their problems didn’t need help. Everything was perfect.
“Well?” Jaime Lannister said in between sips of bourbon. He didn’t even like bourbon. “I’m waiting.”
“I’m not going over there because your drunken ass said so.” Theon huffed as he took a sip of his whiskey. He didn’t even like whiskey.
“It’s easier to just face your problems head on and Robb Stark is right there.” Jaime pointed with his glass. “Can’t get much more of a sign than that.”
“Funny, considering you’ve been avoiding your own apartment for three days. Seriously, just go the fuck home.” Theon turned his back to the counter and looked out across the crowd. He pretended to avoid Robb, but his eyes were naturally drawn to the red head that was laughing and drinking with Jon Snow and friends.
“You’ve been avoiding Robb Stark.” Jaime supplied as he ordered another drink, not caring what was brought to him.
“So? I don’t owe him anything. Not like you do with-”
“Don’t say her name.” Jaime warned sharply as his rum and coke came. He hated rum and coke.
“What? Her name taboo?” Theon jested. “If I say it three times fast will she appear?”
“What happens if I call Robb Stark just once?” Jaime snapped.
Theon fell silent and finished his drink before ordering another. A vodka tonic came. He took a sip before glancing at Jaime and they switched drinks quickly. Much better.
“How’s it going boys?” Tyrion strolled up to them grinning. His face fell upon seeing them both sulking. “I see we are still at the drinking stage of this pitiful night.”
“I like this stage.” Theon hissed.
“I’m going to have to fall into agreement with the boy.” Jaime nodded his head to Theon.
“What happened to facing your problems head on?” Tyrion sat between the two. Between his brother and his intern, he wasn’t sure which was fairing worse. They both looked down right pathetic.
“I’m not one for confrontation.” Jaime snarled. No one even bothered to touch that lie.
“And what about you, Greyjoy? You couldn’t ask for a more perfect opportunity.” Tyrion gestured to the area Robb occupied with his friends.
“Not happening.” Theon sneered at Tyrion. “We Greyjoys are weak, cowardly people.”
Jaime laughed. “I’ll believe that.”
“Best shut your trap Lannister or I’ll kick you off my couch.” Theon threatened lightly.
“You two bickering is not going to solve your issues.” Tyrion sighed loudly.
“Nothing to solve.” Jaime muttered. “I know what the issue is and I’m fine with the consequences.”
“Exactly,” Theon finished his glass and exchanged it for a full one. “Except I have no issue. Everything is perfect.”
Tyrion wanted to whack their heads together by their long hair. “First of all, Jaime, you are living in a 25 year old computer technician intern’s apartment and have not gone to work for three days because you are avoiding your girlfriend.”
“She isn’t my girlfriend.” Jaime muttered.
“You two have been dating for three years! Yes, she is. Second of all,” Tyrion rounded to Theon. “You’re avoiding your best mate because you both have mutual feelings.”
“No, we don’t.” Theon crossed his arms, looking away childishly.
“Well,” Tyrion clapped his hands together to stop the two from glaring. “If you two aren’t going to act, I will take matters into my own hands.” He jumped from the stool and stalked away.
“What do you think he is going to do?” Jaime frowned.
“Call Brienne.”
“I said don’t say her name.” Jaime stood up, towering over Theon. “Besides, your precious Robb is right there.”
“Right here, actually.” A voice came from behind Theon and Jaime smirked venomously.
Theon turned around and threw Robb a very fake smile. “Hey, man!”
Robb looked at his feet. “Hey,” He looked up at Theon before looking away. “You, uh, having fun?”
“Nope.” Jaime answered for Theon. “He hates me. He’d much rather have your company.”
Theon blushed red, but Robb blushed harder. “Oh. Really?” He sounded so hopeful that it killed Theon. It slayed him.
“I mean, yeah. I guess. Anyone is better than Lannister.” Theon tried to play off quickly, but he very much noticed the way Robb’s eyes dimmed.
“He means there is no one better than you.” Jaime yawned bored.
Theon looked ready to attack Jaime while Robb just looked confused.
“I’m not understanding.” Robb scratched the back of his head.
Theon wanted to physically shut Jaime up, but Jaime simply pushed him away and leaned closer to Robb. “Greyjoys are terrible with their emotions. This one might have it the worst, really. He doesn’t want to tell you the truth, so you have to make him.”
“Will you just stop talking?” Theon snapped at Jaime but only received a smile in return.
“What does he mean, Theon?” Robb crossed his arms looking insecure rather than intimidating.
“I…” Theon looked at Jaime. “I’m not saying it in front of him.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me. I could care less. Besides, you’ve already told me everything.”
“Everything?” Robb asked sounded like a crushed puppy. Theon hated Jaime even more.
“Yes. I just needed to vent to someone who wasn’t you.” Theon admitted, but cursed on how indifferent it sounded.
“Oh,” Robb swallowed hard. “I’ll just go.”
Theon made no move to stop him, it would be easier for them to just go separate ways, and Jaime was getting really tired of his whole song and dance.
“Wait, Stark.” Robb looked back at Jaime, casting a timid glance to Theon. “Greyjoy can’t very well vent to you about you.” Robb blushed again and tried to catch Theon’s eye. “The kid is going through an internal conflict on whether to snog the fuck out of you or not. Now, since he is refusing to make the first move, or really it’s the second since you already made the first move a week ago, you’re going to have to compensate for him. I imagine if things go well between you two than you’ll have to be doing that a lot in the relationship.”
“So do you reciprocate?” Robb asked Theon who was looking at the cup in his hands the whole time.
“I don’t want to talk about it in front of Lannister.”
“I’m not giving you a choice.” Robb stiffened his shoulders. “Now or never.”
Theon took a big gulp from his drink. He needed the liquid courage. “I do.” He whispered. It was barely audible over the loud music of the bar.
“You do?” Theon nodded his head and Robb smiled. “That’s good then. We should proceed with it.”
“But we are friends.” Theon muttered as quietly as he could. “If it doesn’t work out, what happens to that?”
Robb smiled. “It will work out. But if you are concerned about it not, you will always be my brother.”
Theon grinned shyly. “Really?”
“Of course.”
Theon and Robb smiled at each other and seemed to have forgotten that they had an audience of one Jaime Lannister.
“So you two brothers going to kiss or something? Otherwise it’s a bit anticlimactic.”
“Go fuck yourself, Lannister.” Theon hissed but Robb grabbed his arm and he stopped at once. It was sickeningly cute.
“Am I interrupting something?” A cold woman’s voice whispered over Jaime’s shoulder. He froze and it was Theon’s turn to smirk. Robb looked concerned about the whole event.
“What are you doing here, wench?” Jaime didn’t even bother to turn around until she forced him too.
Brienne raised a thin blonde eyebrow, unamused. “Your brother called. Said you wanted to talk. I can see you don’t.”
“Oh, no.” Theon drawled. “He does, he is just a little shy.”
Brienne raised two eyebrows at the Greyjoy. “And you are?”
“He current roommate, so you know I have an invested interest in him getting the fuck out of my apartment.” Theon replied honestly.
“If he goes, can I move back in? My name is technically on the lease.” Robb whispered and Theon nodded back.
“Sorry Stark, you snooze you lose. I live there now.” Jaime grumbled. “Fucking awful place really.”
“Feel free to leave.” Theon hissed.
“What the hell are you doing with your life?” Brienne shook her head in pity. Jaime fucking hated that. “You’re living with a kid you is what? Half your age?”
“Two third, thank you very much.” Jaime corrected. “And we are very happy with each other.”
“What he really means is, ‘please take me back!’” Theon supplied and Jaime scowled.
“Does he really?” Brienne crossed her arms.
“Nope. I will never be tied down to some wench again.”
“You best stop calling me wench, Lannister.” Brienne grabbed Jaime’s shoulder hard.
“Should we go?” Robb asked as he watched the two blondes stare each other off.
“I kind of owe it to him to see it through. Then we can go make up for lost time.” Theon whispered the last part lowly to Robb’s ear.
“I can hear every word your saying, Greyjoy. I don’t need your supervision.”
“Wingmen for life.” Theon replied with sarcasm dripping for each word. If Jaime had a penny for every time Tyrion said those words over the past three days, he would have more money than the Federal Iron Bank of Bravos.
“A 25 year old is your wingman?” Brienne barked with laughter. “You don’t even need a wingman; you’re not picking anyone up at this rate.” Her eyes glanced toward the empty glasses on the bar. The drunker Jaime got, the less charming he became. He did his best performances under the influence of one glass of red wine.
“Unfortunately, I was his.” Jaime rolled his eyes. “Did a fine job of that, right?” He gestured to where Robb and Theon were, pointing at their joint hands.
“I suppose.” Brienne sighed. “So are you ever going to come home or not?”
“He is already packed up.” Theon threw out and Jaime looked ready to punch Theon.
“I’m not moving back there.” Jaime crossed his arms like a child.
“He doesn’t hate you.” Brienne whispered, her fingers ghosting on his neck.
“Of course he does.” Jaime chuckled humorlessly. “Everyone does. Back me up, Greyjoy.”
“Sorry man,” Theon shrugged. “She seems pretty into you, although I will admit. I hate your guts.”
“Worthless piece of shit.” Jaime murmured.
“My father just needs time adjusting to the fact that I am living with someone and the fact that you look very not someone I would be into. He doesn’t hate you.”
“You sure?”
“For now? No. But, if you keep being an asshole like you are now, then yeah. But who cares. I like you. That’s enough.”
“I suppose so.”
“Just put on your charming face.” Theon suggested. “The one that get us free pizza.”
Robb and Brienne stared at the two for a long moment but neither chose to touch the subject.
“Fine.” Jaime stood up. “I’ll go back. But I won’t be happy about it.”
“I don’t expect you to.” Brienne nudged him. “Come on, you’re drunk and going to pass out. I love you, but I will not carry you home.”
“I can walk just fine.” Jaime looked around and then whispered so only Brienne can hear. “I love you too.”
“I know.”
“Now that’s cute.” Robb said loudly to Theon so both Brienne and Jaime could hear.
“I’ll collect my things in the morning, Greyjoy. Let’s never see each other again.” Jaime held out his hand for Theon which Theon took quickly.
“Agreed. You are the worst human being I’ve ever met.”
“Alright,” Brienne smiled. “Let’s go.” She put her arm around Jaime and walked with him out of the bar. “I missed you.”
“Not as much as I missed you, wench.” Jaime murmured into her side adoringly. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She smiled softly. “I know.”
Back at the bar, Robb took Jaime’s old seat and Theon stood beside him. “So are we going to talk about what just happened?”
“I’d rather not.” Theon replied honestly before resting his head on Robb’s. “It’s too loud in here.”
“Want to go home?” Robb asked, his hand drawing circles on Theon’s arm.
Theon smiled. “Yes. Home.”