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It was a chilly winter night. Midterms were approaching hastily, but not before Christmas. The Lin household was decorated with green and red wall to wall. The kind of ornaments you see in Hallmark movies. Their Christmas tree was nothing grand, nor was it real. A fake tree is “cleaner and simpler” as Sara’s father said often around this time of year. String lights line the ceiling of the living room and kitchen giving their apartment a cozy feeling. That December 15th, Sara had invited Oliver over to give her some extra tutoring before the school breaks for the holidays.
“I told you Dad, he’s just coming over to tutor!” Sara reminded her father who was pacing the floor frantically.
“I know, I know. But a father’s gotta be worried! You’re my only daughter Sara Lin and I’m not gonna let some smart-ass punk take you away from me!” The man said, taking a righteous pose after his bold statement. Sara sighed at her father’s antics before there was a knocking at the door.
“That must be Oliver,” She said. The red-head combed her fingers through her hair and adjusted her shirt before making her way over to the door. Not that she was trying to impress Oliver, this was more of a precaution so the boy didn’t have anything to poke fun at her about. Sara opened the door for Oliver. He had earbuds in and was holding a notebook and pencil. The junior stood over Sara at a resounding 5’8. He wore one of his blue crewnecks and gray sweatpants to boot. His cologne blew into the apartment with the cold hallway air.
‘Hm.. woody,’ Sara noted.
“Hey,” Oliver said.
“Hey,” She replied.
“Hey,” Sara’s dad said. He was standing a few feet away in the living room, arms crossed. A disapproving and rather aggressive look was plastered on his face while everyone else stayed silent.
“Dad, we’re gonna go in my room. Ok?” The girl asked her father, even though it was more like a statement.
“Uh-huh, sure, yeah that’s fine,” The man started, “But the door stays open,” he added with a sharp tone. Sara shrugged it off as she led Oliver, who was a little concerned, to her room.
“Don’t mind him. He’s all bark and no bite,” Sara said as she closed the door, leaving just a crack. Oliver sat on the floor in front of Sara’s round table. He’d never been in Sara’s room before. It was just as pink as he imagined it would be. One thing he didn’t account for though, is how much it smelled like Sara. The overwhelming familiar scent made him feel embarrassed for some reason and a pink tint rose to his cheeks.
“Hello? Are we gonna start studying or are you just gonna keep staring at my room?” Sara interrupted Oliver’s thoughts. While he was daydreaming, she had already gotten her homework out and ready to go.
“Uh, yeah. It’s just, very…you,” Oliver said, still taking in his surroundings.
“What is that supposed to mean?” The girl playfully nudged his arm with a small smile on her face. Oliver saw that smile. Was it because he was in her room on a weekend night or the smell intoxicating him? Why was he so flustered? He needed to manipulate this situation into something he was more suited for.
“Ok, so, what do you need help with?” He asked. Sara looked at him defeatedly for a moment before pulling out a thick packet of math problems before replying.
“Everything..”
————
“I need a break, my brain is fried,” Sara spoke up after laboring in her math packet for the past hour.
“Fine, but make it quick, you still have nine pages to go,” Oliver said, not looking up from his own homework. Might as well make the most of the downtime he had, right?
“Yeah yeah,” the girl said before rising from her spot on the floor and going into the hall. About ten minutes passed before Oliver realized she had been gone for a while. Worried about what could have happened, he got up to find her. It didn’t take long though since the apartment was so small. Sara was in the kitchen standing at the counter doing something, but Oliver couldn’t tell what. Curious, he approached her from behind trying to get a glimpse at what she was making. Sara felt his presence tower over her and she jolted in surprise.
“Oh my god! Oliver you scared me,” The girl said holding her hand to her chest, presumably to soothe her rapid heartbeat.
“Sorry…” He responded. The boy was more preoccupied peeking over her shoulder to see what was on the counter. It was three mugs of what he assumed was hot milk. “Are you making hot chocolate?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Sara said, turning to face the mugs again. “I was craving something warm and thought I’d make some for us,” Sara’s smile was illuminated by the red lights stringed on the wall. Oliver was oddly touched by this act of kindness. Her face looked different when it was lit up with the warm holiday colors.
‘ She looks…pretty, ’ Oliver found himself thinking. Realizing what had just ran through his mind, he gave his head a quick shake before standing next to Sara at the counter. He took one of the mugs as well as one of the packets laid out. Sara gave Oliver a quizical look when she noticed.
“Just thought I’d help,” The boy said simply. Sara gave Oliver the same smile as before.
“You’re making one for me, right?” Sara’s dad shouted from within the living room, startling the teenagers.
“Yes, Dad!” Sara replied. She quickly poured both packets into their own mugs and stirred them until the powder was dissolved. She then walked to her fridge and opened it while stroking her chin. After saying a silent ‘Aha!”, she pulled out a can of whipped cream. The girl put the can in the nook of her arm and grabbed both mugs. Oliver, feeling oh-so chivalrous, took the can from her to make her short trip to the living room easier.
“Ah, you even brought out the whip cream. You sure are my daughter!” Her dad said while sitting up from his comfy position on the couch.
“Of course. I love whipped cream in my hot coco,” Sara said softly. She sat at the opposite end of the couch. Oliver, who thought they would only be taking a break for a few minutes, found himself sitting on a rocking chair next to Sara. They both looked at the TV.
“ Die Hard ? Really, Dad?” Sara asked her father with a scoff.
“What, it’s a Christmas movie!” He retaliated.
“Yeah, right. No Christmas movie is this violent and dark! That’s not the spirit of the holiday!”
“Well, then, why does it take place on Christmas? And why does it have Christmas songs in it? Huh?”
“That’s just a coincidence! That doesn’t make it a Christmas movie!”
Oliver sat and watched the father and daughter bicker back and forth like this for a while. Their dynamic was something Oliver had never had the chance to experience. Seeing Sara smile and laugh with her father made him smile. He felt something warm within his chest and it wasn’t just the hot chocolate. This is what a real family is like during the holidays. Laughing, joking, watching movies, and drinking hot chocolate. He felt included. All three of them found themselves sitting through the latter half of Die Hard until the credits rolled.
“Wow, I didn’t know that’s what Die Hard was about,” Oliver said.
“It’s good though isn’t it?” Sara’s dad chuckled. Oliver nodded in agreement. Empty mugs and bowls of popcorn scattered on the living room table. It was late in the evening at that point. Sara’s dad slapped his knees before standing up and making an announcement.
“Whelp, it’s probably time for me to hit the sack. Take good care of my daughter,” The man put his hand on Oliver’s shoulder before shooting him a wink. Oliver laughed at his joke while Sara wailed in embarrassment. Sara began picking up dishes and carrying them over to the sink. Oliver picked up whatever she couldn’t manage.
“Thank you for hanging out with my dad like that,” Sara said while scrubbing the inside of a mug. “I’m sure he appreciated having someone else to tell his stupid jokes to,”
“Oh, yeah, of course,” Oliver replied. “Thank you for…letting me have fun with you guys tonight.” Sara gave Oliver a confused look that said ‘this was fun for you?’. Oliver took this as a sign to explain why it meant so much to him. “Before I moved in with Joe, things were cold in my house. I never really felt included in family matters. None of my mom’s boyfriends liked me because they knew I didn’t like them either. And my mom… she tried to make me feel included, but it just felt forced. I couldn’t feel like I belonged there no matter how hard I tried,” The boy said while drying the dished Sara washed. He looked at Sara once he finished talking because he hadn’t heard her say anything in response. She was looking up at him with a sad look on her face.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Oliver. Everyone should feel loved in their home. I’m glad you could feel that way tonight though. You can always come over if you’re feeling down. I think my dad has grown kind of fond of you,” Sara said with a soft laugh while looking up at Oliver. There was that smile again. That soft, sweet smile. Every time he saw it, he lost his mind a little bit more. He kept thinking about her smile, her lips. How every one of her words made him feel a little fuzzy inside. How her smile made his head feel dizzy. Oliver felt his face heating up rapidly. Sara noticed that Oliver hadn’t moved since she last spoke and that he was still staring at her.
“Um, Oliver? You oka-” Her voice was muffled by the fabric of Oliver’s crewneck meeting her face.
“Thank you, Sara,” Oliver hugged Sara suddenly. “It means a lot to me,” He spoke quietly, as if he was afraid someone would hear his vulnerability. Sara had barely processed what was happening before she set the washcloth down and slowly moved to hug him back. His cologne suffocated her, in a good way. It was as if all she could feel, see, smell in this moment was him. The two hugged for so long, Sara thought she was going to melt into him.
“Uhm, we should probably finish the dishes,” Oliver spoke up, breaking the silence and hug first.
“Uh, yeah, yeah we should do that,” Sara replied, but didn’t move. She was still shocked and flustered by Oliver’s sudden act of appreciation, if that’s what you could even call it. She slowly regained her composure and went back to scrubbing mugs and bowls.
“Oh, I might’ve gotten your crewneck a little wet. Sorry,” Sara said, lifting her wet, dishwater hands as evidence.
“Ah, that’s ok. I have a t-shirt on,” Oliver said. He put down the towel in his hand and began to take off his crewneck. As his crewneck lifted, so did his t-shirt, allowing Sara to catch a glimpse of Oliver’s side and stomach. Feeling like she saw something she shouldn’t, Sara tore her eyes away guiltily and began furiously scrubbing a plate.
‘Why does he kind of have abs? Isn’t he just supposed to be some nerdy dweeb who studies a lot!’ Sara thought to herself. The girl kept stealing glances at the boy until she noticed what was on his shirt.
“Guns N’ Roses? My dad loves that band,” Sara commented, immediately forgetting how flustered she was a moment ago.
“Really? Do you like them too?” Oliver asked with excitement. Anyone could tell music is Oliver’s favorite thing to talk about with the way his face lights up instantly.
“Meh, I’m not really into that hardcore stuff,” She replies gives her shoulders a shrug.
“Well, they have some mellow stuff too. Listen to this!” Before Sara could give her thoughts on the matter, Oliver raced into Sara’s room and came back with his earbuds that he left on her table. He plugged them into his phone, pulled Sara into the living room and onto the couch, and popped an earbud in her ear. A few seconds pass before she hears counting, strumming, and whistling.
As the song begins, Sara could feel Oliver relax into the couch. She peeked at him to see he closed his eyes. She decided to do the same and let the song do the talking. It was a love song. This didn’t help the fact that all she could think about was Oliver in the first place. The girl thought about their past together. The subway, tutoring, festival, song-writing. Sara had shared more moments with this boy than she realized. And now they’re sitting on the couch together at ten o’ clock on a Saturday evening listening to a love song. Legs touching.
‘This is really romantic isn’t it?’ Sara thought. That sentence practically made her temperature rise. ‘ No, that’s silly. Me? And Subway Boy? Being romantic? No. This is just something friends do,’ She tried to convince herself. These thoughts continued until the song was over. Oliver looked at her for approval.
“What did you think?” He asked, starry-eyed.
“Uh, it was good. I liked how… kind of calm it was. It’s not like the stuff my dad listens to,” Her face cooled down as her mind was drifting away from Oliver and more towards music.
“I can play more stuff like that,” He said already picking up his phone.
“Sure,” The girl said. She figured if Oliver was enjoying himself, then she should just let him do what he wants for now. Another song played. It was similar in tone. Different band, different lyrics, but same soft instrumental background. Sara focused on the instruments in each song that played and eventually, was lulled to sleep by them. Oliver only noticed that Sara had drifted off once her head bumped into his shoulder. On the outside, he didn’t seem to have much of a reaction. But on the inside, he was freaking out.
‘Oh my god, oh my god. What do I do? Do I wake her up? Do I let her sleep? For how long? Should I move her head?’ Olivers mind raced as he sorted through all his possible strategies internally. His palms were sweaty and his body was tense. Sure, he noticed when their legs were touching, but he was so engrossed in the music, he didn’t even care. Now, he could barely the music over his thoughts and beating heart. ‘I’ll just sneak out,’ he thought. ‘But… I’ll stay like this for awhile,’ Oliver allowed himself to sink further into the couch. He suddenly became hyperaware of Sara’s presence. The weight of her head on his shoulder, the warmth of her leg pressed against his, the slow rise and fall of her chest. He felt a warm fuzzy feeling grow in his stomach. It made him feel sick but comfortable at the same time.
‘Ah, I could fall asleep like this,’ Oliver thought to himself. ‘No! No, no, no, no, no. That is a horrible idea!’ Oliver snapped out of his sleepy daze and began thinking rationally. ‘I’ll just lay Sara down on her couch, grab my stuff, and leave,’ Oliver began, very slowly, lifting Sara’s head off of him. He cautiously palmed her head in his hand and used his other to prop up her body as he slipped off the couch. He then used his whole body to lay her down on the couch, crouching over her. ‘Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly,’ Only once he had fully laid her down did Oliver notice how close he was to Sara’s face. First, shock ran through him. Then, he calmed down and began to notice all the little intricacies of her face. Her long eyelashes, the way her nose meets her cheeks, he even saw a few freckles he’d never seen before.
‘This is bad. I shouldn’t be looking at her like this. She’d be so angry if she saw how close I was to her when she’s this vulnerable. I know that so why can’t I look away?’ The two were only inches apart. He could feel her breath hit his face. He could feel the heat radiate off her body. ‘Why do I feel like I’m doing something so scandalous?’ Then Oliver found himself staring at her lips. They looked so soft. With Sara’s mouth slightly agape, he could see her lips move with her breathing ever so slightly. Without thinking, Oliver lifted a hand to Sara’s face. But he didn’t touch her. His hand held in the air above her. Even Oliver wasn’t sure what he was about to do. Instead of going towards her lips, his hand brushed the bangs off of Sara’s forehead.
“Goodnight, Sara,” Oliver whispered in a hushed voice. So quietly he wasn’t even sure words came out of his mouth. Before he moved away from the couch, he felt Sara stirring in her sleep.
“Mm… Oliver?” Sara groaned softly. She must’ve heard him speak because she didn’t have her eyes open yet. But she opened them slowly one at a time. At first, her eyelids drooped lazily as sleep fled from her body. Then, she realized how close Oliver was. Her eyes shot open and her face lit up a bright red. “What… what are you doing?” She asked quietly. There wasn’t any venom in her tone. Her soft, sleep-filled voice was music to Oliver’s ears.
“I was just.. uh.. laying you down,” Oliver replied, his face red as well.
“Are you leaving?”
“Well, yeah… it’s pretty late so I figu-”
“Do you have to?” Sara’s words put a halt to Oliver’s. The girl first brought one hand to the back of Oliver’s head. Then another.
“What- what do you mean?” Oliver asked nearly quivering in his voice. Instead of answering, Sara began pulling Oliver’s face towards her. His mind raced.
‘Is she going to kiss me? I can’t believe this is happening. Oh my god, I didn’t even know I wanted her to kiss me!’ Oliver allowed himself to be pulled in by Sara, feeling as though he wouldn’t be able to pull away even if he wanted to. The distance between their faces shrunk ever so slowly before Sara pulled Oliver into the crook of her neck. Sara hugged Oliver like this for a while.
‘I almost kissed him! Why did I do that! What’s happening to me!’ Sara quickly came to her senses before she made any rash decisions. ‘And now I’m hugging him? Why am I hugging him? What do I say?’ While Sara looked for answers to her many questions, Oliver had some questions of his own.
‘Why didn’t she kiss me? That’s what she was about to do, right?’ Oliver pondered. ‘Wait, why do I even want her to kiss me? I shouldn’t be thinking this about Sara!’ His inner turmoil came to an end when he felt Sara lifting Oliver’s head off of her shoulder.
“I enjoyed tonight,” She said simply. Those three words meant the world to Oliver.
“So did I,” He responded. A small, but genuine, smile formed across his face. Seeing this made Sara’s heart throb. It wasn’t often she got to see Oliver smile like that. “I should probably go though,”
“Yeah, I don’t want my dad to find out you’re still here this late,” Sara said with a light laugh. Oliver chuckled in response before quietly rising and walking to Sara’s room to grab his things. He came back with his notebook and pencil and was about to walk to the door when Sara interrupted him. “Don’t forget your crewneck,” she grabbed the blue sweater that was on the seat next to her.
“Ah, thank you,” He said while walking back to her. Sara was sitting upright on the couch now. Her shirt wrinkled and her hair slightly messy. The two looked at each other for a moment. They both had so much to say, but no way to say it. “Bye then,” Oliver gave a little wave as he walked towards the front door.
“Bye,” Sara replied. She watched as Oliver opened the door and gave her one last look before leaving. Sara sighed with relief as she felt her body relax. But, for some reason, she felt lonely. She wondered if Oliver felt the same.
————
Sara woke up the next morning on the living room couch. Sun peered through the curtains, drowning out the Christmas lights that were never turned off. She yawned and sat upright and wondered why she was in the living room instead of her bed. Then, she remembered what happened the night before.
“Oh my god,” She said to herself, dramatically putting her hand to face.
“Goodmorning to you too,” Sara’s dad spoke up from the kitchen, startling Sara.
“Dad! Don’t scare me like that,” She yelled.
“Sorry, sorry,” He said, walking into the living room with a cup of coffee in hand. He sat down in the same seat where Oliver’s crewneck was laying before. “So, what did you two do after I left?” He rose an eyebrow and gave a corny smirk.
“Ugh, shut up, Dad!” Sara threw a pillow at her father’s face. As her dad laughed heartily at his joke, the girl stormed into her room and shut her door. When she turned to face her room, she saw the homework lying on her table that she never finished.
“Shit.”