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Steve was a firm believer that if you get told something by enough people than it had to be true.
Growing up, one of the things that Steve heard commonly in regards to himself was his intelligence; or the lack there of. He had grown up with his parents screaming in his face about how stupid he was, about how slow he was. But that wasn’t something that the youngest Harrington ever took to heart, due to the fact that he was more than aware of the fact that his parents didn’t like him all that much. They never had him because they wanted a kid, it was painfully obvious that neither of them wanted a child. He’s heard his mother regard him as nothing more than a leech, his first memory of his mother was her calling him that.
No, they had a child because it was regarded as the next step in their lives. Be born, go to school, get a job, settle down with someone and then have a child. His father calls it the circle of life, which Steve now believes to be a load of bullshit. No one should ever have a kid if they don’t want one, because what was the point of them having Steve if they weren’t even around to witness him grow up?
So he never took his parents calling him stupid or an idiot to heart.
Then along came Tommy and Carol, the only two people that Steve thought would ever give a shit about him in this backwater bullshit town that they all call home. So when they called him stupid, that he wasn’t too bright, it was something that was a little harder to brush off. He could ignore those snide little comments as jest, because maybe they were, but he would never be able to deny the little pang of hurt that would shoot through his chest at the remarks.
But they were ass-holes to everyone around them, Steve learnt that he was better off without those types of people in his life.
It didn’t stop him mourning the friendship though, because for so long they were the only two people that he had. The only two people that had even given a fuck about him, no matter how small it might have been. Steve won’t lie, sometimes he misses them still.
“Don’t be an idiot, Steve.”
Nancy’s was different, because Steve saw the fond smile she had on her face as she said it and knew that it wasn’t meant to hurt him. That doesn’t mean that it didn’t, and steve felt like shouting from the rooftop that he wasn’t stupid. But who would even listen? Steve Harrington, a moron and an ass-hole; that seemed to be the only thing he was known for once he lost his ‘King Steve’ bullshit. Not that he cared about that, he was better off as the person he was now.
He just wish people saw how hard he fucking tried.
Steve doesn’t want to get angry or hurt every-time that one of the kids make a jab at his intelligence; because teenagers are mean and young and growing into their skin; he doesn’t want to be hurt by their words. He was a teenager not all that long ago, he knew exactly what it was like to feel like you need to trade of insults in good jest. And most of the time he could let them slide, but these were kids were nothing if not creative with their insults.
“If brains were dynamite, Steve wouldn’t have enough to blow himself up.”
Maybe if it hadn’t been said in reference to him, Steve could have laughed at the sentence. But fuck, that struck something in him he didn’t know could be struck when Dustin had said those words. The kid had been joking, jesting with someone that he loves like an older brother; Steve was more than aware of that. But he couldn’t deny that the sentence had hurt as much as it was creative.
He did get to see Will slap Dustin lightly on the back of his head for that though, Steve will count that as a small win in his book.
He could shake of these comments, could go on about his day as if being called stupid every fucking day of his life didn’t hurt him. But he hears it everywhere he goes. His friends, his parents, the other adults he respects and he’s beginning to think that they see something he doesn’t. Because Steve didn’t think he was that dumb, sure he could be a little slow to understand stuff but three severe concussions in a short time period could do that to you.
It didn’t make him dumb, didn’t make him stupid.
At least, Steve didn’t think so.
- - -
It’s Robin whose the first one to see that those types of comments don’t just roll of Steve’s back as easily as he makes it out to the others for him to do. But Robin had a feeling anyway, could see the one that Steve’s smile would diminish for a second before he’s planting it back on his face, can see him when he takes a deep breathe after a particularly nasty comment. She could see it when his eyes flicker with hurt when his intelligence is brought into discussion, as if people had a right to make fun of him.
Especially for things that weren’t true.
Robin truly believes that Steve is one of the smartest people she has ever met, she’s often left wondering what that beautiful mind of his is thinking about. She loves that about her best friend, he’s so fucking smart and it tears her up that no one seems to really see it other than her and a select few others that pride themselves in being able to read Steve like an open book.
The first thing that she noticed that Steve could do was solve a Rubik’s Cube in a minute and thirty seconds; and then watched as he put it down and walked away like it was no big deal. Robin honestly wasn’t too surprised, Steve mind was a wonderful thing and that man was more than amazing a problem solving and analysing situations around him. He was so fucking quick witted and it always amazed her.
The fastest that it takes Robin to solve one of those stupid cubes in two minutes and thirteen seconds.
Was pisses her off, though, is people confuse his slowness for stupidity. It wasn’t, and Robin hated that Steve always seemed to let that slide.
In the last few years, Steve has had his head bashed in so horribly, each time seeming to be far more severe than the last. She has this fear that if Steve suffers from another concussion than it could be his last, and over her dead body would she ever lose him. But back to the point, sure it took Steve a little big longer to understand what it was someone was saying to him, but Robin honestly suspected it might have to do something with his hearing. She taken to noticing that Steve will read peoples lips when they’re talking at him.
Well, he’ll look at Eddie’s lips but that purely because Steve wants to make out with him.
But Robin knows, without a doubt, that if someone makes one more comment calling Steve stupid than she was going to lose her shit. Which, maybe she was looking forward too because she has so much rage built up inside of her she was looking forward to maybe yelling at someone, chewing them out for hurting her best friend. Again.
Maybe she should have known that El was going to beat her to it.
- - -
El was comfortable where she sat, leaning her back against Steve’s own, head facing upwards towards the sky; the back of her head leaning against the space between his shoulders. Her eyes were closed, listening to the sound of her friends and family talk about her, she was so damn relaxed and had the intention to stay here all day. She was comforted by the sound of Steve’s laughter, soft and comforting, vibrating through his body, she was glad.
Beside her sat Max, face a picture of pure concentration as the red headed girl painted El’s nails, opting to chose a yellow that was so similar to the sweater that Steve was wearing. The one that Eddie had picked out for him to wear that morning, saying that those bright colours suit him.
El would be more than inclined to agree, yellows and oranges were what reminded her of Steve best; those vibrate colours that never dulled. Steve was bright too, could see that the moment that she had met him. Yellow reminds El was kindness and love and Steve was both of those things; so she believed that yellow suited him best. On the other-side of El, sits Eddie and he was just as concentrated as what Max was, painting El’s other fingernails. This time it was a pastel baby blue that Steve had brought for El, saying that it was one of his favourite colours and that he thinks she would like it too.
He was right, of course he was, she loved it.
And then someone had to open their fucking mouth.
The boys had been talking about something Dungeons and Dragons and Will had been the one to finally get Steve to agree to play, stating that he would be perfect because he’s brilliant at making plans on the spot. Will thought he was perfect for the game, Steve was quick on his feet and could always find a way out of situations. So that left them arguing about what Steve’s role could be. And if anyone asked El, she thinks that a Healer would be the perfect role for him.
Of course no asks for her opinion though, deciding to be wrong in whatever they choose.
Will was saying that he could be a Defender but Steve was disagreeing; and El understood why. He did that too much in real life, he didn’t want to do it in the game either. Not that Steve would admit that out loud, but they all know how often he is forcing himself between the kids and a monster that could kill them without hesitation. And even though Steve would most likely be just as scared as what they are, that never once stopped him from protecting them with his own body.
Ever the defender.
Max had piped up once, and that had been what caused the night to go south as quickly as it did.
“He should be the Librarian, you know? The person that has all the knowledge skills. And a Scout” Max had said it so easily, no traces of hesitation inside her voice could be heard as she kept her eyes down at the nails she was painting. She wasn’t even too invested in the conversation, just saying her peace without really thinking. Steve had turned his head to look over his shoulder at her, giving her a bright smile and even anyone saw the slight flushed that grew on his cheeks no one mentioned it to him.
Max smiled back, because honestly it seemed like the obvious choice to her. Steve was fucking smart as hell, that role would suit him. Than again so would the Healer role that El suggested, maybe he could be both of those things. Max also knows that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks Steve class or role should be, Eddie already has that shit written up for the moment that his boyfriend would maybe want to play one day; Max only knows because she found the character sheets one day.
Librarian and Healer.
A Half-Elf Wizard. Perfect for Steve in Max’s opinion.
“A librarian. Steve?” That had been Mike, looking at Max as if she had said something that was so incorrect that he couldn’t believe he was hearing it, and that prompted Max into looking up at him. Eddie following suit, a harmless glare in his eyes. “Yeah right.” The second youngest Wheeler shorted, ending his sentence with a laugh as if what had been said was nothing more than a joke.
“Yeah, no offence but Steve is more Village Idiot than anything.” Dustin laughed on, and everyone knew that it was harmless because neither of these boys would ever actually say something so mean if they knew that actually hurt Steve to hear.
El felt the shame that flowed through Steve’s body when what Dustin said was followed by laughter as if it was the funniest fucking thing that they had ever heard. Will looked uncomfortable with what was happening, taking a worried look at Steve and then over at Robin who he heard curse something under her breathe and push herself up to her feet with the shake of her head. Will looked back at Steve, watching as his face made a million different expression before he sighed in what felt like defeat.
“I’m not- That isn’t funny, Dusty. I’m not fucking stupid.” Steve said as he looked from Robin, raising an eyebrow at her and shaking his head in a silent plea to not do or say anything. She looked pissed and Steve knew that woman better than what he knew himself, and she was nothing if not protective of those she loved. Not that Eddie looked any better, looking beyond annoyed over what had been said and the reaction that it had seemed to get out of Steve.
Not annoyed at him of course, but at the kids for saying hurtful things so carelessly and not thinking about the consequences at all. These kids weren’t bullies, or mean for the sake of being mean; and Eddie knows that the moment they realise what they said hurt Steve they would stop. But these kids are oblivious as fuck as well.
“Smart.” Steve turns his attention to look back over at El, who has since moved leaning against Steve’s back to kneeling by his side; and her face holds nothing but more conviction. A more than clear sign that she believes the words that she is saying. “Steve’s kind of a dumb-ass though. I wouldn’t say he’s the smartest of us” Dustin lamely says, unaware of the turmoil that it was going to be causing the man that he idolised so damn much; something he’s going to be kicking himself for later.
Steve could tell you the exact reason that comment hurt more than anything.
Because he remembered being eleven years old, standing in front of his father in an office that has done nothing more than scare him. Tears had been burning in his eyes as he looked at his father, a man that has never shown him any ounce of love for as long as what Steve could remember. He remembers his father screaming and screaming, red in the face and veins threatening to pop out from his forehead as he hurled insult after insult at his kid.
And what was it that little Stevie could have done that was so bad to warrant the reaction from his father?
He had gotten a B minus on a test, one that he had been sick during and couldn’t concentrate through at all. He tried, he really had tried his fucking hardest, but his brain had been fuzzy that day, he was tired and felt like he was going to be throwing up at any given moment.
But he really did fucking try.
“My son cannot be this moronic! I didn’t raise you to be a dumb-ass, Steve!”
That’s one of the many lines that Steve had fucking blessed with on that day, his father going on to say things that his eleven year old brain didn’t exactly understand just yet; spittle flying as he towered over his fearful kid. That’s also the first time Steve had been met with his father’s backhand; his mother watching on in disappointment that wasn’t aimed at her horrible excuse of a husband. No, it had been aimed at her child who had done nothing wrong.
“El!”
It was Max’s sudden voice that had brought Steve back to the real world playing out around him, blinking back into his body at the same time that something pushed Dustin backwards. Sure, it only caused him to topple over backwards from his sitting position and it didn’t look like it hurt what-so-ever; but it was still something that Steve couldn’t let happen.
“El! You don’t need to hurt him!” Steve’s voice didn’t hold any anger what so ever as he placed his hands either side of El’s shoulders after manoeuvring his body in front of her; getting down on her level. The younger girl looks up to look at Steve’s face, and e could see the anger so clearly in her eyes. “He hurt you.” She says simply and Steve has to sigh as he thinks for a moment, he wasn’t going to lie to El and say that it didn’t hurt, but she also knows that she doesn’t use her abilities to hurt her friends.
But El was protective soul and Steve was her big brother.
“I’m okay.” Is what he says to begin with, and El raises an eyebrow before she’s lifting up a hand placing it on Steve’s cheek and that the moment that the young man realises that he has a stray tear sliding down his cheek. Something he didn’t even know that he had done.
“He hurt you.” El says again, and Steve is left speechless for a moment; looking over his shoulder to do a quick check on Dustin as he thinks about what it was he wants to say. He expected the kid to look angry at what had just happened, but instead he has the expression of guilt that Steve hates seeing on his face. “Sorry.” Mumbled the teenage boy, and Steve gives him a small but true smile as a silent way of saying ‘it’s okay but we’re talking about it later’.
“Okay, what Dustin said hurt me, I won’t lie to you. But you need to remember you’re all teenagers, you’re all going to say things that might be funny in the moment but realise it isn’t later.” Steve begins, and over El’s shoulder Steve gives his boyfriend a small thumbs up, another silent way of saying ‘i’m okay and please let me handle this’ without ever using the words. And Eddie understands perfectly, because of course he does.
That didn’t mean that Dustin and Mike weren’t going to be paying for it later in a Dungeons and Dragon’s session, though.
“You’re not stupid. You’re smart.” El stubbornly says as she crosses her arms over her chest; but Steve can see the cogs working in her mind and the beginnings of guilt in her eyes at having pushed her friend. He knows she’s apologise later, that Dustin will accept it and then apologise for what he had said. It’s happened before and it’s probably going to happen again, because they’re just children and that’s what happens.
“El, honey. It’s okay, you don’t need to try and convince me. It’s okay.” Steve laughs a little, because no matter what he will never be this used to people loving him this much; still has to get used to how many people care about him. El and Eddie are similar with their love, they love with everything they have and will do anything for those that they hold close; their love burns so brightly it can be almost blinding at times.
“Remind me to never insult you in front of your protector, darling.”
Once again, Steve finds himself thankful for Eddie to know when to try and move on from a topic; thankful that someone like that man loves him as much as what he does. Steve loves him just as much, if not more.
- - -
Later on, Dustin and Mike hand Steve a character sheet that they made up just for him; and while Librarian isn’t one of the classes they chose- or whatever it’s called. Steve wasn’t too well versed in this game. They put him as Healer, something Steve knows Mike would have done purely because he wanted to make it up to El, remembering that she had put him as a Healer.