Chapter Text
Wednesday Evening
Rafael Barba was exhausted.
He had been sitting in his office for over an hour. The Householder case had landed on his desk earlier that day, and after talking to the SVU squad, Rafael couldn’t bring himself to make a decision. Of course, he empathized with Mr. Householder. Barba’s own father had been on life support for months before Rafael had made the decision to pull the plug. Even with all the hatred that Rafael felt for the man, he was still a Catholic by tradition and he had found it more difficult than anticipated to decide to end things. He by no means felt any more affinity for his father because of his medical condition, could hardly stand to drag himself to the hospital regularly for updates, but he also couldn’t help but remember the good times together. Afterall, it wasn’t like he was tormented or abused every day of his life…it only felt like it at the time. There were good memories of them together.
His father had bought Rafael his first baseball glove second hand when he was five years old. They spent almost every summer day outside together as father tried to teach son how to play catch. Not that any of it helped him that first year of Little League. But still, the effort was there. Like when he would bring his mother flowers, just because. Or when he would tell Rafael stories of his own youthful misadventures through the Bronx. There were a lot of good years before the bad. The drinking and the violence had snuck up on them little by little, slowly eclipsing their lives so they couldn’t remember the happy times not long before. .
So, Rafael emphasized with Mr. Householder. To end a life, no matter who’s, was a difficult task. Family made it just that much more complicated. And to do so as a parent, Rafael could not even bring himself to imagine the pain and heartache such a decision would cause. He understood even if just a little bit, the desire to prolong life in any capacity because it feels so precious.
But then there was Mrs. Householder: the echoing question rang through Rafael’s mind. What kind of life did Drew really have? Rafael had read the medical reports. No brain activity, no emotion, no thought, no way to experience life in the way that humans uniquely experience it.
At least he wasn’t in pain.
Mrs. Householder wanted what was best for her son, just as much as her husband did. But Rafael felt they would never reach a mutual understanding over Drew’s condition. While mother and father battled the courts and each other over the right course of action, the legal and ethical course of action, Drew would continue to wait in the hospital. And the Householder family would continue to crumble around itself while the system debated and politicized them.
Rafael couldn’t help but wonder if there was some third option they were missing. Nothing could truly give the Householder family a “happy ending,” not in this situation, but he hoped they could get peace and closure. What if there was another way? What if someone else stepped in? What if he just went down to the hospital—
There was a knock at the door. Rafael sat up straighter in his chair, having been jolted from his train of thought, and called for the visitor to come in. Jack McCoy opened the door and entered with a kind smile.
“Rafael! I thought I saw your light still on!” He greeted Rafael happily.
Barba stood up to shake the DA’s hand, a tired smile of his own given in greeting.
“Jack, it’s always good to see you. To what do I owe the pleasure.”
“What, can’t an old man chat with his esteemed colleagues anymore?” McCoy asked. Rafael shrugged but gave the older man a knowing look. “Fine. If you’re going to be that way…I heard about the Householder case. Saw you hadn’t put anything on my desk yet today, wanted to know what you’re thinking.”
Rafael leaned back against the front of his desk, crossed his arms over his chest.
“The Householders are dealing with an unwinnable situation. The law says that Aaron Householder committed a crime, but…the more I sit here…the more complicated it gets.”
Jack shifted his weight and crossed his hands in front of himself, listening patiently to his ADA’s thinking. Rafael continued.
“When my father went into a diabetic coma, I visited him every day. I hated the man, yet still showed up to the hospital even when my mother didn’t have the strength to. I was raised to believe that when there is life, there is hope. So, we kept him on life support even when the doctors suggested otherwise. He suffered, I know he did, and the rest of us suffered alongside him. The law is not equipped to cover this type of case. Right to die is only just beginning to make its way through the state’s legislation.” Rafael stopped, not offering a decision either way.
“So, you sympathize with the father.” Jack stated for him.
Rafael tilted his head back and forth, considering.
“I understand, if only fractionally, what he is going through. It is ingrained in our humanity to want to preserve life.”
“But…?”
“But where is the line between life and living? The doctors say that Drew will never get better. Yes, he is alive, his heart beats, he breathes. But, Jack, he will never - could never – know what a life is. He will remain in that hospital until his condition is too much for his little body to handle. The courts currently don’t have the power to get involved in his case, they can’t make that decision for him. And in the meantime…” Rafael shrugged, a sense of hopelessness in the air, “his parents just wait for it to happen?”
Jack considered what Rafael had said.
“As compelling as the case for the infant’s condition is, Aaron Householder is in custody for kidnapping.”
“For kidnapping his own son.” Rafael corrected him. “He shares custody of the child as much as his wife.”
“Rafael, he tried to circumnavigate a court order. You need to prosecute him.”
Rafael shook his head.
“It doesn’t feel right. He was only trying to do what I did with my own father. Besides, the judge on the case stalled the order until he can research the issue further.”
“That doesn’t matter, he violated an order that was in place at that time. The law says that he needs to be prosecuted. The law applies to everyone, we can’t just choose to not enforce it. Otherwise, the entire system would come crumbling down. We are not in the business of compassion. We are in the business of law, which must be blind to all else, no matter how compelling the circumstances.”
Rafael remained silent as he stared at a stain on the carpet before him.
“I never said you had to take it to trial. Cut him a deal, no jail time. The rest will be referred to family court.” McCoy told him with a sense of finality. “Go home Rafael, have a drink, then go to bed. The rest can wait until tomorrow.” Jack made to move back toward the door but stopped when he saw Rafael in the same position. “I have to say, the SVU squad did a fine job on this case. Top notch work. You all work well together.”
Rafael scrunched his forehead lightly as he looked up at the DA. The squad always produced quality work, but it was rarely commented on, especially by the DA.
“SVU does good work. Important work.” Rafael hedged, waiting for the rest of what McCoy had to say. The older man smiled.
“And you have worked well with them for a number of years now. Your case closure is some of the highest the unit has ever seen.” McCoy paused. “Have you ever thought of transferring divisions, trying something new? Maybe something a little less…consciousness heavy?”
Rafael’s mild confusion turned into a frown. He had never thought about leaving SVU, even mentioning it brought a wave of discomfort and anxiety.
“Are you asking me to leave SVU?” Rafael asked cautiously.
“No. I would never ask an ADA to leave a position he was happy in. Especially an ADA with as much success as you. But…there are always outside factors to remain aware of.” McCoy leveled Rafael with a look that implied he should know what he was inferring to.
Rafael did not.
“You’re going to need to be a little more specific, Jack.” Rafael stated as he straightened, suddenly defensive.
“Your case work is impeccable, and I would predict that you could have a long and fruitful career with the DA’s office. However, even the most mundane of rumors reach the ears of the eighth floor eventually. It is no secret that you are close to the squad, working together as long as you all have will do that. But attorneys and judges talk, Rafael. They’re saying that you are not the shark you used to be…that SVU has a personal lawyer at their disposal, ready to use as they see fit.”
Rafael bristled at the sentiment. “The squad would disagree. I vet every warrant request, suspect, and victim before trial. SVU gets no special treatment just because we have worked together for a while.”
“I believe you.” McCoy said with raised brows. “But we both know that even perceived favoritism is enough to ruin both cases and careers.”
Rafael scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Jack, there is nothing untoward going on between me and SVU.”
“What about you and Lieutenant Benson?” McCoy shot back curiously. Rafael paused for the briefest of moments before refuting.
“Lieutenant Benson and I work together, professionally, every day. As I do with the rest of the squad. I don’t know what you’re heard, but there’s nothing to worry about there.” Rafael stated firmly. McCoy shrugged.
“At some point, it may not matter. I can’t change the perception of others, and from what I hear the overwhelming opinion is that you are too close.”
“To SVU?”
“No. To Olivia.”
Rafael moved behind his desk to try to hide how flustered he had become.
“I’m just concerned that it could come back to bite when you least expect it.” McCoy told him gently before seeing himself out. When the door closed behind him, Rafael fell into his chair. He didn’t want to leave SVU. Even though McCoy said he could stay, Rafael could hear the undertone of warning in the man’s voice. But where was he supposed to go? Homicide? White collar crimes? He had found a passion for special victims when he was working in Brooklyn, and since his move to Manhattan he had found a team of detectives who he worked well with and were people he trusted. And Olivia…
He and Olivia were friends. They may have begun as professionals, but over the years their professional relationship had evolved into a friendship. And that friendship over time evolved into a partnership that he considered invaluable. Olivia and Noah had become part of his family, and he a part of theirs. Rafael didn’t want to have to sacrifice his professional relationship with Olivia, but if he had to choose, he would rather move divisions than have to distance himself from her or her son. On the other hand, his “relationship” with Olivia was in no way interfering with their work. They were professional first and foremost, why did it matter what other people thought?
Normally, Rafael didn’t put any stock in the many rumors that floated through the courthouse…. but he had also never found himself at the forefront of one that made its way onto Jack McCoy’s radar. Rafael reflected on what other people could possibly be seeing. He and Olivia didn’t hide their friendship from their colleagues, but they also liked to keep their work and personal lives separate. Yes, he bought her coffee, and she was known to bring an extra sandwich with her to meetings so he would remember to eat. Rafael stole snacks out of her desk drawer without permission and Olivia knew where he kept his migraine medication.
No other attorneys or judges would know that he spent a good hour online shopping for Noah’s Christmas gift, or that he had tracked down a signed copy of Olivia’s favorite book for her birthday.
What they didn’t know was how often they went for drinks, just the two of them, when Lucy was able to stay late. What they didn’t know was that Olivia’s favorite way to start the day was with a soy latte, even though she pretended to still like plain black coffee. What they didn’t know was that Noah had started learning Spanish as a baby because Rafael bought him books for Olivia to read to him. What they didn’t know was that Olivia continued to buy children’s books in Spanish so that Noah could continue to connect with his uncle Rafa.
What they didn’t know was that Rafael wore the title of Uncle proudly. What they didn’t know was that Rafael’s chest tightened every time Olivia called him ‘Rafa,’ and he was pretty sure she didn’t even realize she did it. What they didn’t know was that being Olivia Benson’s unofficial partner at work and her friend, was more than Rafael had ever dreamt of.
What no one knew… not even Olivia… was that Rafael was still dreaming of more.
Rafael stood up, shaking the thoughts out of his head. That wasn’t something he needed to be thinking about right now. He stood up and grabbed his coat. He needed to get out of his office and away from his own thoughts. Drew Householder was still weighing heavily on his mind. And now the pressure from McCoy…Rafael wasn’t really sure what to do. As he grabbed his phone to order an Uber, a text message came through. Olivia had sent him a photo of Noah. He was in his pajamas, empty bowl in his lap and ice cream covering his face. Rafael laughed lightly at the image.
Rafael: Who taught your kid how to eat, Benson?
Seeing text bubbles appear, Rafael waited for Olivia’s reply.
Olivia: Very funny. He wants to know if you would be his lawyer in the case of New York v. Eddie the Elephant. Apparently, he has framed my son for ice cream theft.
Rafael: Sounds like a high-profile case. I will get right on it.
Olivia: You are welcome to start tonight. There is plenty of evidence to review.
Rafael’s fingers hovered over his phone. He really should go home…or to the hospital to see Drew Householder. He definitely shouldn’t see Olivia tonight after what McCoy had said.
Rafael: I’ll be right over.
Before he could second guess his decision, Rafael booked an Uber.
Olivia: We’ll be here.
Rafael once again collected his coat and locked his office door behind him, softly smiling all the way downstairs to the waiting car.