Work Text:
You closed the back door to the general store. It was a difficult day for you, all your inconveniences ranging from stubbing your toe to thinking one of your subordinates had died- it was enough to give a sloth a heart attack, and those things are the chillest things you've heard of on the planet. You were going home to recuperate, likely unsuccessfully, by playing various indie games with indie songs in the background at home. But before you get to do that, you had a garbage can to visit. You heard a noise, likely leading you to your goal. Analyzing your surroundings it had come from behind a garbage can, it sounded like something had bumped into it, and you had a suspicion of what it was.
Well.
There is a man here.
He offered you an egg.
You declined.
Spamton was attempting to sell you pipis again, when you had already bought one out of pity before months ago. It has since cloned in your fridge. So, so many times. But let's hold on a second, how do you know this guy?
Years ago, closer to what was called the roaring, an event that combined the two worlds, the light and dark world (when it first happened you didn't even really question half of the products in the store you owned becoming sentient, you just thought you were going crazy-), you met a stoic blue colored human person (who you assumed was a lightener,) who told you that you should watch out for door to door salesmen. At least, you assumed it was a door to door salesman. They didn't specify other than saying that a sleazy salesmen would be around this area- so you thought that it would most likely be someone trying to knock on your door and sell you a vacuum or something, but you were exceedingly wrong.
You found the guy digging in your trash, and at first you didn't know what to do. So you just tried to get him away from the garbage first so you could figure out his situation via starting up a conversation. Since then you've just given him food that would've gone bad otherwise so he wouldn't starve. You have even been trying to find another way to get a home for him that wouldn't involve a homeless shelter, as he specifically told you he wouldn't go to one. You wish he wasn't so stubborn- but you came up with the idea that maybe it would be easier getting him a job first! especially since he seemed so money oriented.
He was rather smitten with the idea of getting another job, but he seemed like his expectations for the kind of positions he'd get were rather low. It was also difficult finding a job he'd even attempt to apply for, as a lot of the gigs in the area were labor heavy jobs or higher paying positions than he thought he was capable of getting, and he looked like he couldn't pick up a pallet with the lanky arms he had; let alone a pallet with things on it. You acknowledged to yourself that you were doing a lot for a person you just met, but chalked it up to your empathetic side acting up at the time.
So when you had fired Jerry recently- a particularly lazy and complaint filled employee who probably didn't even listen to you when you said "you're fired."- You figured that Good Ol' Spamton G. Spamton could use the job. Not that you weren't at all guilty for firing jerry- but you were practically hemorrhaging money. He seemed like he would have fantastic work ethic what-with the extremely capitalism-positive nature he (sadly) had despite being homeless. you didn't hold it against him though, after all you once were the same.
So here you stand once again for the umpteenth time this month behind the dumpster, getting ready to do a wonderous, charitable act after all that time! That you somehow feel like you'll regret.