Chapter Text
Akito should be happy right now.
He was watching his beautiful boyfriends shows right now, watching him and Tsukasa-senpai and the other members of their group perform. And they were stunning. All of them have this wonderful charm to them on stage, and Akito could see how the crowd couldn’t help but smile at their amazing performance. Rui was having fun, and smiling, and he was an amazing actor, and director, and singer and-
Why couldn’t he be as good as Rui?
Akito should be happy. He should be smiling, laughing and enjoying his boyfriend's wonderful performance as he stands on stage, acting and singing his heart out. He should be proud of his dear boyfriend, for being such a wonderful performer, for looking so beautiful , so stunning.
But all he feels is empty and hollow. And he can’t help but judge himself.
He knew he wasn’t good enough. An, Kohane, Toya…they had improved and surpassed him so quickly. They brought so much to Vivid BAD SQUAD. And what did he bring? Nothing. How was he going to surpass RAD WEEKEND? He’s just dead weight.
So seeing Rui, and his troupe, shining so brightly, it killed him. Akito loves Rui, he really does, but he couldn’t help but feel a pit of frustration form when seeing him and his troupe perform. All of them were wonderful, fuck, even Tsukasa-senpai was way better then him! He was frustrated; some silly theatre group was better than him? Was he really that unworthy?
Akito might as well just give up now.
“Akito-kun~! I’m so glad you came, I hope you enjoyed our show!”
Oh. Rui’s show had ended. Had he not even bothered to clap? Rui swiftly wrapped his arms around Akito, hugging him tightly. That frustration and anger rose again hearing all the happy chatter and all the smiles as everyone left. Such a joyful end to a wonderful, smile-inducing performance…
AND HE STILL WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH.
DID RUI JUST INVITE HIM HERE TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD HE WAS? HOW MUCH AKITO SUCKED AND HOW HE SHOULD JUST GIVE UP?
That pit of jealousy and envy in his stomach had grown into anger, and then to rage. And there was only one person to direct his rage onto.
Rui… .it was Rui’s fault he was failing. Rui distracted him from his goal, Rui had taken over his thoughts. And Rui had invited him here today just to mock him. Rui had destroyed everything he had. EVERYTHING WAS HIS FAULT.
All he could see was red as he shoved Rui to the ground in a fit of rage, his eyes twitching. HOW DARE HE. HOW DARE HE MOCK HIM AFTER RUINING EVERYTHING
Akito himself didn’t know why he was so angry all of a sudden, but Rui was the problem. He had to be. Rui had made him feel this way for inviting him here, just to show off, right?
“Akito-kun…?”
“Oh fuck off, you creep.”
“Akito…have I…”
“No! Shut it you piece of shit! This was all some plan to make me seem pathetic , huh? Well shut up! Fucking weirdo, who goes around hurting people. You just LIKE making people miserable, huh?” Akito was too in depth with his thoughts and feelings and anger, his boiling red anger that he wasn’t good enough. All of that anger was taken out on a fearful looking Rui. His expression changed to a look of anger as he made his way back onto his feet, clenching his palms into fists.
“Don’t you even dare say that about me-! Every show I work on I put all my effort into being the best show it can be, to make everyone smile! What’s the matter, Akito-kun? What have I done to make you lash out at me like this…? I don’t understand…”
Akito grabbed Rui’s hair, pulling it and shoving him to the ground, ignoring the scream of pain he gave, as tears started running down his face “I SAID SHUT UP!”
“GOD, NOBODY EVEN WANTS YOU HERE!! YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO BE NEAR YOU?! BECAUSE YOU ARE AN UNLIKABLE FREAK! YOU’RE FUCKING UNBEARABLE! YOU ONLY LIVE TO BE SOME ANNOYING BASTARD, WHO RUINS EVERYTHING!I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M DATING SOMEONE LIKE- T-that I’m….o-o-oh god...”
Akito snapped back to his senses, the fit of rage randomly ending, and Akito seeing what he’d done. Rui was sobbing loudly on the ground, looking small and terrified. Shit. What had he done? Akito was angry, yes, he was angry about never being good enough and everything else but what the fuck had he just done to Rui? He had no excuse to take his anger out on the other man.
He knew what Rui was like, he knew about Rui’s abandonment issues, and he just told him that he didn’t even know why he was dating him. He was absolutely disgusting.
“....F-fuck...R-Rui…I-I’m so-”
“Leave. Now.”
An angry Tsukasa-senpai suddenly pushed him away from Rui, and stood in front of him protectively, folding his arms, rage on his face. Akito could see Kusanagi run over to Rui, crouching down next to him and patting his back as he sobbed.
Akito looked at Tsukasa-senpai guiltily, regretting everything he’d just said and done.
“T-Tsukasa-senpai….I-”
Akito was interrupted by a slap.
Tsukasa had slapped him. Harshly too, right on the cheek. Akito felt his eyes water at the sudden sting, but he wasn’t going to cry after what he did to Rui. He didn’t deserve to.
“Do you think you get to talk here?! Let me ask you if you thought it was okay - Do you think what you did to Rui was alright?!? DID YOU ENJOY SPEAKING TO THEM LIKE THAT?! WHAT DO YOU THINK GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO SPEAK TO THEM LIKE TRASH!?! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TREAT RUI LIKE SHIT!!”
Tsukasa momentarily paused to catch his breath, and his voice became unsettlingly quiet and calm. “You know...Rui was excited, so excited today, hell, even more excited than usual. Do you know why…? Because you were here. You came. And Rui wanted to make you feel happy . They wanted you to have a good time. They wanted you to smile. They were so eager, with rehearsals and stunts and they had this huge smile on their face…and...you did this to them….you hurt them, you hurt them so badly. So answer me when I say this, ``Are you proud of yourself? ”
He couldn’t respond. No matter how hard he tried, he had no excuse. He couldn’t say anything. He shamefully looked down at his feet, resisting the urge to burst into tears.
“That’s what I thought.” Tsukasa sharply looked at Akito, making him shiver. “Now leave , right now. And don’t you dare hurt them again. If you hurt them, you will regret it. I mean it.”
Akito lifted his head up guiltily. “I’m sorry, Tsukasa-senpai. A-a-and Ru-Rui….I’m so sor-...I- didn’t know what…”
Tsukasa gave him another sharp look. “I’m not the one who needs an apology, and I don’t want one. I won't say it again, Leave. Right. Now.”
And Tsukasa had crouched down, right to Rui’s level, gently whispering to them. And Akito ran, he ran away as far as he could, guilt and shame and regret filling his body, tears spilling down his cheeks.
How will he ever apologise to Rui?