Work Text:
Anya felt stuck. Not literally, she wasn’t trapped in any sort of quicksand; but metaphorically.
She sat at her office in the back of her art studio with a sinking gut feeling… What was she doing? Where was she going?
Life was puzzling, a game that never went down the right path; there were unpaved roads, there were potholes, there were rainbows down the end of it, and sometimes there were only dark and looming clouds. Right now, she feels like she messed up in choosing what seemed to be a safe road, but only ended in a clouded, muddy mess.
Anya had always been an outdoors woman. A female Bear Grylls, her father bestowed on her. A sexy lumberjack, her girlfriend called her when they had first met. A showoff, her sister named her. Passionate, her mother deemed her. A glorified Paul Bunyan, Lincoln teased her.
She couldn’t help it. She radiated nature.
Ever since she was a little girl, she and her father had been one with the wilderness. She grew up in the palms of his hand, following his lead, learning the outback ways of the Aussies. They camped and hiked and fished and hunted. They built shelters and siphoned water from streams and grew a garden and made a field guide of the local flora and fauna.
Which is where she discovered her love for art. From technical drawings of plants and wildlife when with her father, she began expressing herself on canvas during her free time. By her teenage years, over eight sketchbooks had been filled with drawings; some messy, some crossed out, some splattered with paint, some testing colors, some practice shading, some realism, some pointillism, some channeling her emotions, some colored with alcohol markers.
She had a collection of hundreds of canvas paintings in her parent’s garage; some colorful, some gloomy, some sensible, some abstract; all full of interpretations and deeper meanings.
As she grew into adulthood, she was faced with two things: her love for nature, a love so unmatchable, a love cultivated since her childhood; and her love for art, a love filled with self-expression, a love so easy to be fulfilled, a love that had a purpose of self-discovery and achievement.
With a dilemma nearly debilitating, she faced her split river paths head-on. She had chosen the path that looked most appealing at the time; art; and she had received a scholarship to go to Arkadia University for her talents, a prestigious college focused on the arts and sciences; where astronauts and writers and painters, and doctors have all come from.
College had been an incredible experience for her, and at the time, she knew she had made the right decision. Her choice and college major were only further cemented when she opened her art gallery and presented a new piece each month, where plenty of merchants and patrons came to donate, observe, congratulate, and greet Anya and what she had built from the ground up. She was proud of herself for all that she had achieved.
And she still was.
But, her last piece has been released over a year ago now and she felt lost. She still loved art, nothing would change that, but at this point, it felt more demanding and work-related than a form release. Commissions were stressful and demanding, keeping up appearances was exhausting, and finishing full pieces on large canvases were time-consuming. It wasn't the same as scribbling or doodling in her sketchbook to release some sort of emotion or to draw something she loved.
This was work, and that's all it felt like it was. And she hated the feeling that she had lost something that was once so close to her heart.
A change was needed, and she knew exactly what she needed to do for herself in order to be free of this growing pressure.
Quasar was the first to greet her when she got home. She set her keys down on the entryway table, hung her satchel in the coat closet, and kneeled to pet her dog, “Hi bubbas. How are you?” He gave her a lick and she chuckled, “You’re a good boy. Did you have a nice day with Mama?”
She stood and went down the hall and into the living room to search for her girlfriend, “Rae, I’m home.”
A clatter was heard from the kitchen, followed by an explicit curse, “Shit.”
Anya tilted her head in curiosity and walked to the kitchen, followed by Quasar, “Raven, what are you doing?”
Raven, clad in nothing but a pair of boxers, her leg brace, and Anya’s apron, turned around from the shove with a serving spoon in her hand and smiled sheepishly, “Hi, love. You’re home early.”
Anya hummed and leaned against the kitchen island with her hip, crossing her arms teasingly, “Well, there’s no fire, so that must be a good thing.”
Raven rolled her eyes and focused back on her preparation, “Oh, shut it. I’m trying here. There’s not much that could go wrong with soup.”
Anya stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Raven’s waist, resting her head on her shoulder, peering over at the simmering liquid, “And why are you cooking soup?”
Raven shrugged, “I just wanted to do something nice for you. It’s a recipe from home, your mom texted me a picture of the card.”
Anya chuckled, “I still think it’s weird that you both text. You haven’t even met yet.”
Raven held up her spoon animatedly as she talked, “I think it’s… different. But she’s nice and I’ve never had that before, so I’m rolling with it.”
Anya hummed, “It smells good.”
Raven nodded with a grin, “I guess that’s what happens when I follow a recipe to the t, isn’t it?”
Anya chuckled and released her hold, walking to the fridge, and retrieving an iced tea and a coke for Raven.
She sat at the island and watched her lover stir away, “You know, you could be my housewife.”
Raven barked out a laugh, “If that was your way of proposing, nice try.”
“You want something romantic?” Anya tilted her head to the side in curiosity.
Raven pursed her lips, “Not necessarily. I only meant anything besides something like that.”
“Like…?”
“Like it was a joke. I want to know I’m being proposed to, not having to wonder if you’re serious or not.” Raven stirred the pot.
Anya nodded, “And who’s to say you're not the one to propose first?”
Raven scoffed, “Once I physically can get down on one knee, you’ll be the first to know… Dinner’s ready.” She shut off the stove and ladled the soup into two bowls, pulling out some pita bread and spreads to pair with it.
Anya helped carry the items to the table, including a sweet-smelling salad, spoons, and napkins. While Raven laid everything out neatly, the blonde began setting the table for two and sat herself down with a groan.
Raven eyed her suspiciously while she sat across from her, “That’s usually reserved for me.”
Anya chuckled with a nod, “I know. How was your day? Is your suspension treating you well?”
Raven shot her a glare, but sucked it up and smiled with a disingenuous positive tone, “It's an honorable leave of absence, and yes, it is. I took Quasar to the dog park, another dog knocked me on my ass and some stranger had to help me up. I cleaned and I cooked as Rapunzel stuck in her tower did.”
Anya looked around the home and hummed. It wasn’t clean. It was the same as Anya had left it this morning, with Raven's shirt and bra still on the couch, and socks scattered across the floor. She wondered if she and her girlfriend were seeing the same thing.
Raven rolled her eyes with a small grin, “Okay, fine. I didn’t clean. But, I did draw up a new blueprint for the jet propulsions, so they wouldn’t fail before leaving the atmosphere with the new, lighter metal.”
Anya arched an eyebrow, “Part of your leave of absence states that you can’t work. At home or the facility.”
Raven groaned, “I know, but it’s miserable. I just had a seizure! They shouldn’t ban me from work. I call discrimination on that.”
Raven’s first of soon-to-be many seizures happened last week on a Thursday. It was 7 AM, and she and Anya were moving around the kitchen seamlessly, preparing breakfast and coffee before work, and packing lunches for the day; though Anya’s work schedule was much more flexible and significantly lighter.
Raven had been pulling a glass from the cupboard to pour herself orange juice when an unusual and foreign feeling overcame her. She turned to Anya, and was about to call out to her, but couldn’t form any words or thoughts. Her mind and body became heavy and clouded as if weighed down by sandbags. The last thing she had seen before entering a clonic tonic state, was Anya’s sweet, sharp face looking at her with a concerned expression.
She woke up in the hospital an hour later, with an IV in the crook of her elbow, stitches in her arms, and no memory of the previous events. She had a four-minute seizure, requiring that the ER doctors perform an emergency CT scan and numerous other tests.
As if her life needed another Joker card thrown into the mix, she had been diagnosed with epilepsy due to her severe TBI years ago, going home with many new prescriptions and a referral to a highly-rated neurologist. Her life had once again been altered by the accident that nearly left her paralyzed.
Anya sighed, “They’re not banning you from work, or discriminating against you. They’re allowing you time off while we figure this out. They want you to be healthy and safe to work.”
“You mean so they’re not liable?” Raven scowled.
“I’d like to think they care about you.” Anya sipped on her broth.
Raven huffed out a breath, “I’m sure. They just know me as the “Crazy Brace Lady”.”
Anya dipped her pita in the sauce, then the soup, and asked after her bite, “They don’t call you that, only you do. Some of your coworkers think you’re cool, I heard them talking at the last banquet.”
Raven shoved a piece of pita bread in her mouth and paired it with the soup, “Well, that’s nice, I guess,” She finished her bite and asked, “You’re thinking.”
Anya arched an eyebrow, “Am I not always thinking?”
“That’s not what I meant. I can tell your thoughts are all over the place. You’ve been quiet and reserved tonight. I know something is weighing on you. You don’t have to tell me, but I want to support you and listen.” Raven took a small sip of her coke.
Anya sighed, “You’re good at reading people.”
With a shake of her head, Raven hummed, “No, just you.”
Anya smiled, then looked down at her plate and sighed, “I don’t want the studio anymore.”
Raven tilted her head, “You want to reestablish somewhere else? You have a nice setup now, it may be a bit difficult to move everything.”
Anya exhaled deeply, “No, I mean, I don’t want to do this anymore. Art, the studio, commissions; all of it. I don’t love it as much as I used to and I want a change.”
Raven sipped her soup, “What were you thinking?”
“A forest ranger was the first thing to come to mind.” Anya took an anxious gulp of her sweet tea.
Raven nodded with a smile, “Sexy lumberjack, I knew it.”
Anya shook her head with a laugh, “I’m being serious. But, I am surprised you remembered that.”
Raven nodded, “I was mostly coherent that night, save for my surfacing trauma. Anyways, I know you're serious, and there’s no need for you to be nervous to tell me this. I’m fully on your side. I’ll support you no matter what you want to do.”
Anya smiled as her heart hammered violently in her chest, “Thank you, love.”
Raven nodded, then pursed her lips, “Though, I don’t think I would support you stripping for strangers if becoming a forest ranger doesn't work out. Stripping for me, yes. But strangers at a club? I draw the line there.”
Anya barked out a laugh and shook her head, “Okay, no stripping, got it.”
Raven pointed at her with her spoon, “Yes stripping, but only for me.”
Anya nodded with a grin, “Understood, captain.”
Raven smirked, before asking in a more serious matter, “So, where do you want to go from here?”
Anya shrugged, “I’m not sure. I think selling my paintings that are in the gallery should be done first. Once I sell them, then I can list the office space for sale. In the meantime, I should do more research on becoming a forest ranger and start looking for openings.”
Raven hummed, “That sounds like a good plan. What can I help with?”
Anya smiled, “That would be nice if you could help. But no funny business, you’re only able to help with the organizational part, no extra work.”
Raven playfully grumbled, “Fine!”
Anya shook her head with a grin, then asked in remembrance, “When’s your neurology appointment? You made that today, right?”
Raven tsked, “Well here’s the thing… I tried to call, but I was on hold for an hour and no one picked up.”
Anya gave her a stern look, “You didn’t call, did you?”
Raven shook her head, “I forgot. I got so wrapped up in the blueprints that it slipped my mind.”
Anya sighed, “Please don’t forget tomorrow, okay?”
Raven nodded, “I won’t.”
Anya nodded, “I know it’s hard. I know you’re over it. I know you’re struggling. But you have to push a little further so we can figure out what’s going on with your brain.”
Raven sighed solemnly, “I know. I’m trying.”
Anya reached across the table and grasped Raven’s hand in her own, “I know you are. And I’m here with you every step of the way, just tell me what you need.”
Raven held her hand tightly and looked at her with pleading eyes, “Cuddles?”
Anya nodded with a loving gaze, “Always. Why don’t I make you some hot cocoa and do the dishes and you can get a bath started? How does that sound?”
Raven hummed, “Sounds perfect.”
Anya nodded and stood from her chair, “Are you done with your soup?”
Raven nodded, allowing Anya to take her bowl, “I am, thank you. Did you like it? We didn’t have a couple of the ingredients but I tried to follow the recipe as well as I could.”
Anya smiled, “I couldn’t even tell. It was delicious. I mean, not exactly like my mother’s, but it was very good.”
Raven chuckled as she slowly stood from the chair, “I would never want to compete with your mother. I’m just glad I could be somewhat useful in the kitchen today.”
She went to take a step forward, but her knee buckled under her weight. She grimaced and clutched onto the table firmly, trying to keep her leg from sliding out under her. Her limb spasmed and stiffened, despite her brace, and refused to provide support.
She groaned again at the pain and was startled when she felt a soft hand rest on her lower back. Anya placed both hands on either side of Raven’s waist and helped hold her weight.
The artist spoke softly into her girlfriend’s ear, “Love?”
Raven inhaled deeply and sighed, leaning her head back on Anya’s collarbone, “It’s been happening lately. Since I had my seizure.”
Anya frowned, asking tenderly, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Raven shrugged and said airily, “I just thought it was the season.”
Anya nodded, knowing that the colder months caused Raven to ache more than usual. She asked, “Can you walk?”
Raven inhaled deeply and looked down at her hazardously immobile leg, leaning inwards precariously. With a sad shake of her head, she answered the taller woman’s question.
Anya bit her lip in thought, asking a moment later, “Can I help you to the bath?”
Raven swallowed and hummed, “Please.”
They carefully made their way to the bath, where Anya helped sit Raven on the closed toilet seat, before leaning over the tub to turn on the tap; checking the temperature, and adding bubble solution and Epsom salts.
She turned and placed a kiss on Raven’s forehead, “I’ll be right back, hop in when it’s ready.”
Raven nodded and watched the water rise as her girlfriend left the room, back to the kitchen where she washed the dishes and loaded them into the washer.
Minutes later, when the water was full enough and Raven had undressed and slid into the tub, Anya joined her, meshing their naked bodies together seamlessly.
Raven leaned into Anya's body while the blonde wrapped her arms around the smaller woman’s waist, like two spoons. They stayed in the tub until their skin grew wrinkly and soft; until both of their eyes were just barely open from exhaustion; until the bubbles had faded; and until the water grew cold.
They moved from the bath to the bed and were joined by Quasar under the warmth of the covers. Anya’s taller figure wrapped around Raven’s from behind, legs tangled together as hands interlocked comfortably.
Anya placed a kiss on Raven’s neck and hummed, “I love you.”
Raven smiled through closed eyes, “I love you too. I’m glad you told me.”
“About?”
“About wanting to change your career. I’m here with you, and so happy that you’ve made that realization.” Raven spoke sleepily.
Anya rubbed her girlfriend’s stomach underneath her shirt, “Me too, love. Go to sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning.”
Rave hummed as she mumbled, “Okay, baby.”
Anya smiled as she felt Raven’s breathing slow, signaling that she fell into a deep sleep; something she didn’t get often, especially so quickly into the night.
Anya kissed Raven’s jaw and closed her eyes, rubbing Quasar with her feet one last time before following her girlfriend blissfully.
An immense weight off her shoulders.
Over the next three weeks, Anya sold her paintings for a whopping half a million dollars. Her patrons had surprised her with a party on her last night at the studio, which also sold for a large sum.
There was music, dancing, decorations, drinks, remaining art pieces that she would be keeping or that were going home with her supporters, and mouthwatering food.
With a totality of money she didn’t entirely know what to do with, she donated a fifth of the profits to their local animal shelter, where they had rescued Quasar all those years ago. The shelter was more than fortunate, and the animals there were sure to be getting new beds, toys, and food.
In her eyes, it was the least she could do. If she couldn’t adopt the other dogs there that looked at her with pleading eyes, then she would help fund the facility in hopes of making the dogs stay as nice as it could be; as nice as behind bars, and being alone could be.
Once her studio was cleared out the very next day, she watched with mixed feelings as her paintings were packed away and taken by their buyers. She couldn’t help the tears that formed in her eyes at the realization that this was the end of an era for her. She was leaving behind her career in art to pursue something new.
And despite her growing sadness, she was thrilled and confident, and in a way, a bit relieved. This was new, and it was going to be great. She simply knew it.
She applied for a position as a forest ranger for the nearest National Park, a beautiful mountain range, miles and miles of protected lands; filled with lush bushes, tall redwood trees, native flora, multiple lakes full of a variety of fish, spaced out campgrounds, recreation activities, and roaming creatures of all sizes.
She and Raven had gone camping there once with their friends back when they were still in college. It was astonishing then and it’s astonishing now. Anya wasn’t sure whether she would get the job since her entire life previously revolved around painting and drawing, but she was content with her decision no matter what.
And if she didn’t get this position, she would try again; at another National Forest or in another position. Or, she could become Raven's personal stripper. She would surely be paid handsomely and be left fulfilled. Maybe have a few dollar bills slipped into her clothing here and there. Of course, she would lift the 'No Touching' rule, simply for both their pleasure.
Oh, what Raven would give for this to become a reality.
But, she didn’t need to reapply or become a glorified stripper.
A week and a half later, she received a call from the forestry service and was asked for an interview the following day. She was elated and nervous all at once. But the interview the next day was over nearly as quickly as it started. They had loved her, and she had found a sense of self within the other ranger’s company, amongst the wilds.
A sense of self that she only thought possible with art.
She had gotten the job, they told her before she left the park, and the very next week she started her training.
Wearing a light gray button-up and army green slacks, paired with a utility belt clipped with binoculars, a sidearm, a walkie-talkie, a flashlight, and handcuffs; she joined her fellow rangers in a training course, learning the ropes for any scenario that may arise.
A week later, on her first official day on the job, she spent minutes simply gazing over the lake water, relishing in the crisp fresh air. Watching as the water rippled against the slow wind, enjoying the sounds of falling leaves and birds singing. Her hair, though tied up into a high ponytail, wisped against her cheeks and tickled her ears. Her eyes involuntarily began tearing; from the beauty and serenity or the cold and the wind, she didn’t know. Nor did she care.
What she did know, however, was that she made the right decision. And she would make the same decision again and again if given the chance.
Change was always scary. Leaping off a cliff into unforeseen waters was dreadful, A pit of uncertainty; not knowing whether it would work out and she would be safe, or if she made a mistake and risked her life’s journey.
But she would never know if she hadn’t tried, and for Anya, it had worked out for the best.
She was happier than ever, spending her days outdoors, walking around, and helping others enjoy the scenery. She was content. She was glad she took the dive.
She no longer felt stuck, she felt free. Liberated. Invigorated.
And she was glad to have had her girlfriend by her side through it all; to come home to after a long day, fully spent and fulfilled.
She was going to propose soon, and when she does, Raven will be sure to know how much she loved her, and that she truly wantred to spend the rest of her life with her.