Work Text:
Rikai- (sighing contently)
Page turn sfx
Riaki- “I see, I see…” Page turn sfx “I see, I see…” Page turn sfx “I see, I-”
[LOUD FURNITURE NOISES]
Rikai- “Hm?”
[LOUD NOISES STOP]
Rikai- “Well then.” Page turn sfx “I see, I-”
[RETURN OF THE LOUD FURNITURE NOISES]
Rikai (getting up)- “What’s going on down there?”
[DOOR KNOCK SFX]
Rikai opens the door, met by Iori
Rikai- “Iori? What is it? Also, what were those noises over by the-”
Iori shoves a letter into Rikai’s hands
Iori (running off)- Fu~Ha~Ha~Ha~!”
Rikai-”???”
Rikai (reading the letter)- “Gender Reveal Party… Living Room… Now?”
[IN THE LIVING ROOM]
Rikai enters, with Amahiko, Iori, Sarukawa and Fumiya in the room as well
Rikai (confused)- “What’s this? Was this why there was all that noise earlier?”
Iori- “What do you mean, Rikai~?”
Rikai (making gawking Rikai noises) “Iori! The furniture is gone!”
Iori- “Yes~!”
Amahiko- “How sexy of you, Iori. Making more room for-”
Iori (interrupting)- “That’s not why I did it!”
Sarukawa- “Why’s there a bunch of trans flags just lying around everywhere? Pride month ain’t for a while.”
Fumiya- “What even is pride in the first place? If you really think about it, then-”
[RIKAI WHISTLE SFX]
Rikai- “We can talk about pride during pride month, for now let’s get to the bottom of this.”
Amahiko- “Of course. I never thought that you’d be a top, Rikai, yet your sexiness-”
Rikai- (confused Rikai noises)
Amahiko- “Ah, pardon me. I forgot about your sexy purity. Don’t mind what I just said.” (continuing after a moment to ‘hmm’) “You’re right, though. Iori, you handed us these sexy invitations and moved the furniture around, please tell us… why?”
Iori- “Well, you see, I-”
[THE LIGHTS GO OFF, EVERYONE MAKES CONFUSED NOISES]
Terra- “Did someone say, TERRA??!”
[THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON, AND TERRA IS STANDING ON THE STAGE]
Sarukawa- “Nobody said your name, dipshit.”
Terra- “Rude! And here I was, selflessly waiting to arrive at My Own party so that I could give all of you an entrance you’d never forget.”
Amahiko- “Sexy~! Terra, you-”
Terra (interrupting)- “And you know, it’s a lot of work holding myself back for your sake. For all of your sakes. You all should be grateful that I even blessed you with my presence to begin with, let alone planned an entire party!”
Amahiko- “Terra, I am so grateful for your-”
Terra (interrupting once more)- “That aside, I had to make Iori move all of this furniture, and I made Iori get all of these flags, and then I had to go all the way up to the breaker myself to turn off the lights and then somehow turn them back on, it was a lot of-”
[RIKAI WHISTLE SFX]
Terra- “Ugh. What do you want, Rikai?”
Rikai- “Terra, I’m sure that you put a lot of work into… ah, ordering Iori around-”
Iori smiles, making a happy Iori noise
Rikai- “But can you tell us why you had him get all of us here? And what is the deal with the flags and the stage?”
Terra- “Oh… That. I’m trans. I’m a woman.”
Iori starts clapping, making happy Iori noises. Rikai freezes, becoming pale and silent.
Amahinko (clapping as well)- “Sexy~! I love women!”
Terra- “I know. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, it just feels right for me to be a woman instead of a man. You know, those kinds of things.”
Fumiya- “What made you feel this way?”
Terra- “My feelings.”
Fumiya- “What feelings?”
Terra- “Hmm.. kind of like a ‘BANG or like a BRAWWNG sort of feeling.”
Fumiya- “If you think about it, gender is a social construct. Why do we as humans put ourselves into these arbitrary groups? Gender doesn’t exist as something that is seen as black or white, though it often is if you think about it. Rather than something black and white, it’s more like a wide array of things. Personally speaking, I think that labeling people into gender categories is weird. Why would someone do that? I ask myself every day when I look at myself in the mirror if I feel male, and every day I find myself second-guessing my choice throughout the day. If you really think about it, what even is gender in the first place?
4 Ordinary Guys- “...”
Sarukawa- “Fumiya, are you trans?”
Fumiya (mysterious Fumiya noises)- “Who’s to say?”
Terra- “Me. I say. I don’t care if you’re trans but you are not coming out on my day. I can’t believe how unbelievably cruel you are to even suggest doing something like that Fumiya. It’s really hurtful. Anyway, yes, I am a transwoman, so use she/her for me, please and thanks~!”
Amahiko- “Sexy.”
Sarukawa- “NO.”
Terra- “I appreciate i-”
[SILENCE]
Iori (shocked)- “Saru~! How could you say that?”
Sarukawa- “Easily. I’ll say it again. NO.”
Fumiya- “Sarukawa, it’s people's prejudices about what gender should be that holds them back from becoming their best selves. If you’re-”
Sarukawa- “NO.”
Amahiko- “Being transphobic is not sexy, Sarukawa.”
Sarukawa- “Fuck you, I ain’t transphobic. I’m trans, asswhipe!”
Amahiko (happy Amahiko)- “Sexy, I love men!”
Sarukawa- “You’re actin like this is news, you all already knew.
4 Ordinary Guys- (Agreement noises)
Terra(sighs) - “Fine then, Sarukawa, don’t use my preferred pronouns.”
Sarukawa (yelling)- “FUCK YOU!!! I WILL USE THEM!!!”
Terra (pleased)- “Oh, really~? Thanks a bunch, Saru~!
5 Ordinary Guys- (All laughing)
Fumiya- “So, Iori knew about this?”
Iori- “Yes~! She came to me first because we’re besties~!”
Terra & Iori (together)- “Besties~!”
Terra- “That, and I wanted to make it very Terra-esque and didn’t want to do all the work so I had Iori do it~!”
Iori- “Ive always wanted to be a slave for a woman~!” Rikai flinches “Ahhhh~! So wonderful~!”
Amahiko- “Women-” Rikai flinches again “Yes, they're wonderful creatures, aren’t they? So… sexy”
Sarukawa- “I’m a misogynist, actually. I hate women.” Rikai flinches once more
5 Ordinary Guys- each saying a variation of the word ‘women’ or ‘woman’.
[RIKAI WHISTLE NOISES]
Terra- “Ugh! Again! What do you want, Rikai?”
Rikai (stammering)- “W-W-W…. We’ve been living with…. A a a a a a a a……..” (Rikai broken noises)
Terra (annoyed)- “A? A? Finish your sentences Rikai, you’re a student, you should know how to talk.”
Rikai- “We’ve been living with…. A … woman…”
4 Ordinary Guys- “???”
Rikai- “D-Don't you feel ashamed as men that we have done something like this????”
4 Ordinary Guys- “???”
Rikai- “It’s improper for unmarried men and women to spend so much time with each other! We’ve gone bike riding together… something that only her husband should have had the privilege of doing! We’ve eaten together! We’ve even slept together!”
Amahiko (happy Amahiko)- “In more ways than one!”
Rikai- “I do not understand what you are saying Amahiko, however it is a given that you are just as appalled as I that we have spent so much time with an unmarried woman!”
Terra- “I’m actually not-”
Rikai (continues)- “There are certain things that men and women can do together, and we have violated those sacred unspoken- I've seen Terra naked before.”
4 Ordinary Guys- “???”
Fumiya- “Yeah, and?”
Iori- “What’s wrong with seeing someone like that?”
Sarukawa- “We’ve all seen each other naked before.”
Amahiko- “Yes, it was wonderful~.”
Terra- “What's your point, Rikai?”
Rikai- “...”
Terra- “Rikai? I know that imagining my unclothed figure is taking up all the energy your tiny brain can muster, but when Terra is talking to you, you need to-”
Rikai- “WE NEED TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW!”
4 Ordinary Guys- “???”
Terra (immediate response)- “Ew.”
Rikai- “I promise to be a fully devoted husband, I will take care of you in every way, and will swear myself to you to atone for my horrid, perverse crime.”
Terra- “Rikai, I-”
Rikai- “It will take time for me to save up so that we can start a life together, however, I believe that this is the only thing I can do to spare your deeply wounded sense of pride. As for the other men who have seen you… like that before, I will have no choice but to call the proper authorities on them and have them condemned for their crimes. They may be hanged, and that is all right, as long as it means that this awful crime has been forgiven.”
Iori- “You want to hang us?!?!?”
Amahiko- “Kinky, I like it.”
Terra (sighing)- “Rikai, I know you have a crush on me, and it makes me sad to break your heart like this, but I am actually already married.”
Rikai- “???!!”
4 Ordinary Guys- “???”
Sarukawa- “How the hell… who’d marry her?”
Terra- “Die in a ditch, please, Saru~.”
Iori- “T-Terra? You’re married??!?”
Amahiko- “So very sexy!”
Terra- “Yes? I’ve been married.”
Rikai- “W-W-Who? What kind of husband would let his wife live with 6 other men??”
Terra- “Terra.”
4 Ordinary Guys- “Yeah, that checks out.”
Rikai- “B-But… I’m not sure if being married to yourself-”
Terra- “Are you trying to say that I should settle for anyone other than the best? That I should settle for someone like you?”
Rikai- “It’s the only way for me to atone for my-”
Terra- “What crime? Terra’s body is a masterpiece! She selflessly allows any and everyone to gaze at it!”
Amahiko- “Sexy~.”
Rikai- “I’m sure it is, Terra, but-”
Terra (getting louder)- “I am TERRA! The most BEAUTIFUL woman, the most beautiful CREATURE to ever be placed on this green Mars!”
Sarukawa- “Mars?”
Rikai (raising his voice)- “I’m sure you're beautiful Terra, but there is a proper order that everything has to happen in! I cannot allow myself to have violated a woman in such a way as to-”
Terra- (voice raised, louder than Rikai)- “So you’re trying to separate me from my one true love? My beautiful Terra?!” (she cries) “I know you have a crush on me, Rikai, but this is too much!”
Rikai (voice louder than Terra)- “BEING MARRIED TO YOURSELF ISN’T A THING! THERE IS NO ORDER IN THAT! I AM TRYING TO FIX WHAT I DID TO YOU, AND YOU WON’T LISTEN BECAUSE YOU ARE-”
Terra (loudest of them all)- “SO YOU’RE OKAY WITH BEING A HOMEWRECKER!??!?!?!?!?”
[SILENCE]
Rikai- “H-h-h-h…. Home…. Wreck…”
Terra- “Homewrecker. That’s what you’d be, Rikai!”
Amahiko- “Personally speaking, I would love to be a homewrecker!”
Iori (shushing Amahiko)- “Not now Amahiko!”
Amahiko- “Ah, of course, my sexy apologies. Please continue.”
Rikai (stunned)- “I-I-I… I’m not a homewrecker… I’m not.”
Terra- “You would be. I hope you’re happy, Rikai.”
Rikai (still stunned)- “I… I need to think about what to do…”
Rikai (numb to the harsh realities of life)- “I’ll take my leave. Thank you for telling us about your pronouns, Terra.”
Rikai goes to his room
Fumiya- “It’s funny how he was okay with throwing us to get ‘punished for our crimes’ but then he gets off scott-free.”
Sarukawa- “I don’t think marrying Terra would be ‘scott-free’. She’d be a lot of work to deal with.”
Terra- “Thank you!”
Fumiya- “Anyway, his own personal bias is very present in this situation. He personally believes that he is the perfect person, and lives his life believing that he has the obligation to enforce his own personal morals onto others. Not out of malice, however-
Ohse walks enters the living room
Ohse- “Umm… I’m sorry…. I heard yelling earlier… is everything okay?”
Iori- “Ah.”
Terra- “Shit.”
Terra & Iori (together)- “We forgot to tell Ohse.”