Work Text:
“This is just between us.”
Cups of beer were placed by each person, beading small drops of water. Grilled food sat on top of barbeque grilling trays ready to be picked and eaten at.
“We’ve received some inquiries about Keisuke and Fujiwara from several professional teams.” Fumihiro continued, refilling Matsumoto’s plastic cup, trying to mute out some of the conversations from the picnic tables around them.
“Really? That's awesome! If they step up, that’ll be so inspiring to us.” Tomiguchi glanced over to the other mechanic with a smile on his face. Matsumoto gave a light chuckle in response. “Our dream never ends, does it?”
“The real Project D goes on from here.” Fumihiro replied. “Isn't that right, Ryosuke?”
Ryosuke looked out in the distance without giving an answer, propping his head up with the palm of his hand and a slight smirk on his face. He appeared seemingly deep in thought, not that he actually was, but his mind was starting to wander. Somewhere closer to the water could Keisuke and Kenta be heard, it wasn’t apparent to him what they were talking so loudly about.
The sunset slowly began to engulf the lake and Project D’s after party, presenting an orange tint and warm blanket over everyone as if the late summer heat wasn’t enough.
–
The same had started at Lake Akina, where, on the contrary, there was practically no one. Though, instead of a warm blanket covering the limited people present, it was a suffocating blanket of guilt.
Takumi laid on the edge of the wooden dock, just slightly letting his bare feet touch the ever so cold water, not flinching at the sudden change in temperature.
‘What happened?’ He thought. Although his face showed a collected expression, perhaps deep in mind, there was a flurry of thoughts, doubts, and emotions clouding his mind. His eyes only stared up at the partly cloudy sky.
He felt weird inside. Takumi wasn’t exactly able to put a finger on what or why he felt this way.
A normal person would say he is upset, but that didn’t feel like the right way to describe it.
Maybe he felt disappointed, like he missed out on something without even knowing it. Whatever this old feeling was, it made him feel completely depressed and exhausted, almost guilty even.
But then again, why would he be upset or guilty? He didn’t have a proper reason to be so depressed and disappointed. He should be happy. A great, very memorable summer was about to come to an end, and he was feeling depressed about it. But why?
Takumi had done so much and improved himself so much over the past year, yet he didn’t feel it was enough.
Could he have improved more? Or was he reaching his limit?
He should be glad with the accomplishments he's achieved, happy with how Project D turned out. Was he even disappointed? Or was he just making himself believe he was?
It hurt to think about. About how he couldn’t even tell if what he was feeling was real or not.
Still, it’s not like he didn’t feel happy or proud from time to time, hell he won all of his races during his time in Project D.
…
..Right?
That’s what Ryosuke and the others said and acknowledged him for but did he really?
He gently swung his feet, toes hitting the water and with his eyes still looking up to the sky.
Takumi had officially won the races, yes. However, official wins aren’t always personal wins, are they?
It had bothered him for a while, in fact even before joining Project D he thought about it like this. Some of the ways he had won were from just pure luck, not skill. Even when he had just barely won, and that one factor that caused him to win was a stroke of luck, it bothered him that Ryosuke would even trouble himself by telling Takumi he did a good job when he didn’t.
Takumi sat up, propping himself up with the palms of his hands and taking his feet out from the stingy cold water. He stared off at the lake with a mundane expression. Just that factor alone, the fact that he sometimes needed luck to win a battle of his, had clung onto Takumi. That confirmed a question he had earlier.
He was in fact reaching his limit and it was undeniable.
His eyebrows furrowed, bringing his head slightly down.
To be fair, everyone did have a limit to how they could improve, whether it was on the border of being practically impossible or if it was well doable, no one could run away from their limits. It was a part of life everyone accepted, because..
When was the last time you met someone who could go past their limits?
The steady air broke a few minutes later with a sigh. Takumi stood up, putting his shoes back on as his balance threatened to disobey him.
All this thinking yet he still couldn’t fill that empty, sobbing pit inside his chest. All it did was tear and eat at him. How disappointing.
Takumi’s heart had taken a hit to the heart when he first realized he might be reaching the end of his rapid improvement. He tried so hard yet it began to slow down. For some reason, it hurt to know he couldn’t make Ryosuke as proud as he once had. Not only Ryosuke either. Keisuke, Fumihiro, Matsumoto, the entire team in fact.
That entire phase of realization while Project D was still on-going made Takumi feel like he was standing on thin black ice. He constantly felt as if he were slipping up, and once it started, it wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop slipping and tripping until he finally fell. Until he fell into a series of problems and emotions.
He walked back from the dock, making his way to one of the vending machines.
Then again, Takumi went back to his first thought.
‘What happened?’
He took a sip of his canned coffee and sat down on the pavement.
The question, ‘What happened?’ was a vaguer question then one would first realize. It could apply to so many different aspects of his life.
Maybe it wasn’t exactly Project D related either.
At the thought of such an idea, a new feeling bloomed inside Takumi. The feeling of regret.
The coffee swirled around in his mouth but deemed to be too bitter now. He held the can up to his line of sight.
“It’s weird to think I used to drink this stuff.” he mumbled. He and Keisuke used to drink this coffee all the time, sure the blonde complained about how it was “absolutely destroying his taste buds,” but they drank it together on Project D nights anyways. It warmed his heart each and every time they did. Even if they didn’t exchange words with each other but just stood there together, side by side.
Was this possibly what he regret?
Not establishing a relationship before it was too late?
Not letting himself loosen up a little while with the team?
Keeping himself closed off and secluded?
Being too distant to connect with anyone?
He had restricted himself and concealed everything that deemed him, him. Takumi didn’t feel intimidated by them, but simply just felt afraid. Afraid of losing himself, the spot on the team and disappointment.
He could not afford to disappoint anyone now.
However, it didn’t really matter anymore. It was too late, it’s not like he could fix how he felt or reacted. He had done this to himself.
He sat here by himself instead of being at one final outing with the team because of himself.
Takumi clutched the half-empty can, getting up and walking over to throw it into the trash bin, it clunked against the other metal cans. He walked away to the parking lot where the Impreza sat, waiting for him.
He stood in front of her, thinking.
One thing for sure, he didn’t feel upset about the Eight-Six. She lived up to his expectations and accompanied Takumi throughout his entire touge racing period. He was going to miss her, but the Eight-Six fulfilled her journey and was put to sleep. He certainly couldn’t be upset with her.
Takumi got into the Impreza, starting her up and hearing her engine murmur to life. It wasn’t the same as the precious Eight-Six, but that was okay. She would eventually wake up from slumber and scare the mountain passes by just driving through them again.
His head flooded with questions waiting to be answered, though, there was one big question that began to take priority in his mind.
'What do I do from here?’
–
Keisuke and Kenta’s banter faded, chatter slowly disappeared as the sun lowered and lowered further, presenting an ombre of orange and blue in the sky, and the end to an unforgettable summer. Both to the team members of now disbanded Project D, but to all of the Kanto region who got to witness it. People would continue to talk about this for a while, that’s for sure. Most likely having their own questions on how they did this and how they won that race. Along with that, Takumi would have his own question.
Did he not regret not indulging himself sooner?