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“They want me to marry!” An outraged Klink swept around in Hogan’s office, nearly taking out his eyes with the riding crop, gesturing with it wildly. “Marriage! An utterly absurd notion. A complete waste of time!”  

“Marriage,’ one of the few words that could jolt the man out of the deepest sleep, including Gestapo, Germans, and Patrols. Eyes snapping open, the colonel was sitting up before he registered the action. “What?” 

“General Burkhalter,” Colonel Klink sat down on the side of his cot. “He has a cousin.”

“General Burkhalter always has a cousin,” the American muttered, laying back down. “Colonel, what…time is it? “

“0230,” Klink replied, worrying her riding crop between her fingers, “I don’t want to be married!” 

“I know.” Hogan sighed. This meant there was another officer gunning for Klink's position. Again . 

“Could you imagine?” Klink demanded, “me? Standing to the side while some…some… husband directs the guards and prisoners? Absolutely not!” Klink would rather eat her own helmet than give up her position at Stalag 13.  “Stitching and knitting some unworthy man’s uniform! Ridiculous! You must think it is ridiculous!” 

“Sure do,” Hogan agreed sleepily. One of the few nights he wasn’t going out on a mission, Klink was waking him up to complain about weddings. “What are you doing up this late?” 

“I just got back from a meeting,” she told him, “a complete waste of time.”
 

“Kommandant,” he cracked an eye, “just don’t marry him.” 

“He’s a general ,” the woman all but wailed. “Generals are stupid and useless.” 

He couldn’t argue there, and if a general was desperate enough to marry Klink and squeeze into her position, then he was a coward too. 

“He’ll have all sorts of mistresses and ladies and such! It would be a complete humiliation!” 

“Can’t we talk about this in the morning?” He asked, trying not to think about Klink in a wedding dress. 

“He’ll be here in the morning!” She exclaimed, “to do an inspection of the camp and to meet me!” 

“Have you considered that maybe he just wants to inspect the camp?” No one ever just wanted to inspect the camp. There was always something .

“He doesn’t,” Klink sagged; it was almost like watching an oak tree bend. “General Burkhalter suggested that I consider his proposal seriously.” 

“You don’t have to accept,” Hogan pointed out, and Klink favored him with a stare he didn’t often see. A “you’re-an-idiot” stare that made him dislike her that much more.

“Hogan! You’re not taking this seriously! I need your help!” 

“My help? What can I do?” 

“I don’t know, but it must be something! What else am I going to do?” 

“We can manage something,” Hogan agreed without knowing how he could make Klink and Stalag 13 appear even more unsatisfying. They were already rock bottom. “Don’t worry.’ 

“Thank you, Colonel Hogan,” she deflated slightly, “now, is there anything I can do for you?” 

“An extra hour of electricity and two extra pieces of white bread, and you let Carter out of the cooler.” 

“Absolutely not; Carter earned it.” 

“He’s served a week already.” A very destructive week for Papa Bear when their best demolitions man could come and go as he pleased. The only reason he was sleeping through the night right now. 

“He’ll be out in the morning,” she agreed wearily, “but he’ll get the full sentence if you don’t come through.” 

“Agreed,” Hogan pointed. “Now, Kommandant, I’d like to get twenty more minutes of sleep.”

“Right, right,” she agreed and scuttled out of his room and then out of the barracks. As soon as she was gone, he spent a moment considering how he’d run off this new general before dropping off to sleep. 

#$#$#$ 

For a cousin of Burkhalter, he wasn’t ugly; in fact, he was almost handsome. Tall, but not as tall as Klink, with broad shoulders, steady grey eyes, and graying hair that was slicked back. His uniform was neat and tidy but not flashy and ostentatious as Major Karps had been. Hogan watched him climb out of the car, leaning heavily on a sturdy cane and a perfectly tidy aide. Nothing to spit and polish. They were soldiers, after all. 

The general paused to consider the camp, eyes skipping over the camp until they settled on Hogan. He considered the pilot for a moment before Klink’s appearance cut their silent exchange short. She fluttered and fussed, fawning until she escorted the man into her office.

“What brings him by,” Carter asked. 

“Marriage inspection,” he told them. “Burkhalter is trying to marry the Kommandant off again, and he thinks this cousin will suit her.” 

“Klink isn’t much of a catch,” Newkirk muttered, “but it’s Stalag 13 he’s after.” 

“Most likely,” Hogan considered the look the man had given him, the curiosity and recognition. “He doesn’t seem like a slouch, though.” 

“Maybe he’s lonely.” Carter added, “Old people get married because they’re lonely, right?” 

“Maybe, it would be the most innocent thing a general has wanted to do with Klink.” Hogan mused. “I wonder how their dinner is going?”

“I wonder why they didn’t call for me,” Lebau added. “She usually wants to impress the generals.” 

“Not ones who dream of marriage.” 

“Why didn’t you barge in, sir?” Kinch wondered. “Break them up?”

“I don’t know, but I have a feeling that this is a different situation. We’ll play it by ear.” 

“#$#4 

Colonel Klink did not want to have General Oden at her dining table. She didn’t want to have anyone at her dining table. She enjoyed eating alone and being alone and ignoring Hogan.  Perhaps for the first time, her attempts at charming someone fell flat, and she was left without much to say. Picking at her food, she watched the man nervously as he ate slowly. 

“Do you enjoy your position here, Colonel?” He had exact manners, the old-fashioned sort that most people didn’t consider anymore.  

“I do,” she straightened. “There has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13!” 

“I have heard. It is an impressive record.” He cut his potatoes. “I do not know another camp with such a record.” 

Klink puffed up faintly and preened. “I am in control of the prisoners at all times!” She wondered why he seemed so amused.  “And there is nothing I do not see.” 

“No?” 

“No!” She turned toward the window that gave her a view of Stalag 13’s parade ground. She could imagine Hogan staring across the distance, but he was probably sleeping. “Tell me, General. What brings you to the area?” 

“I have a few engagements for my cousin,” he said. “And a few inspections. Albert, my cousin, suggested that I visit.” 

“Well,” she wilted, suddenly remembering why she didn’t want him around. “There is little to see. We are a small camp with only enlisted men.” 

“Only enlisted men? I heard a rumor that you have an officer here.” 

“Ah, only to,” she floundered, “to function as a senior POW. He is harmless, but he keeps his men in line.” 

“Ah, the senior prisoner of war.” General Oden tilted his head faintly in the direction of the barracks and then considered her for a long moment. 

“Would you like to meet him?” 

“Perhaps later,” He smiled, “it is not the time to disturb our lovely dinners with talk of prisoners and war and…. Americans .” 

“Of course.” She deflated. Hogan was so good for distractions and annoying officers until they left. Klink didn’t know what his secret was, and as long as it worked in her favor, she didn’t push for an explanation. 

“Tell me about your piloting,” he prompted, “I remember when the story broke that one of our greatest pilots was a woman. “ 

“I do not fly anymore,” she rubbed her monocle against her jacket. “My nerves…never recovered from the last war.” 

“How terrible, you were deadly in the air.” 

“I was,” she admitted nervously. Thinking too much about piloting made her anxious. “And what of yours? You are not a pilot.” 

“I am not. I prefer tanks,” he shrugged modestly. 

“Tanks,” she drank a sip of water. “Yes…interesting.” 

They had a meandering dinner, she was more charmed than she wanted to admit to being, and by the time the sun had set, it was quiet until a lonely, mournful harmonica echoed over the camp. 

Private Daniels, a man who spoke slowly and rarely, had managed to hold onto his harmonica after his capture and would play whatever mood struck him. He was currently playing something that reminded Klink strongly of cowboys and John Wayne films. 

“Music?” 

“Private Daniels,” she answered, hands wringing as she approached the window after him. “He…keeps his barracks entertained. They are easier to manage when they have a little something of home.” 

“He plays beautifully,” General Oden considered the buildings and looked back at her. “You did not bother to confiscate it?” 

“No…it is so small, and none of our men know how to play it.” She turned away to pour some shcnappes. 

“It is not so terrible here. However, it is not the place to make friends.” He straightened. “I will be in town tomorrow. I would like to meet you there.” 

Klink froze, more and more like an animal before an oncoming vehicle. “I…erm.” 

“It is not an order,” he said lightly. “There are so few of us left who remember the last war or Germany fondly. I simply wished to share in your…company.” 

“Oh, well….of course.” She considered him, struck for the first time at how different he was from other officers and generals. “I…would be delighted,” she lied. 

“Wonderful. I must leave for the moment, but I am glad to have come by.” 

After the appropriate goodbyes, she was back in her sitting room with another drink and considered the afternoon with a confused and overthinking eye. 

It had been so strange! Not at all, like he was trying to woo her. He hadn’t even asked any personal questions. 

How peculiar. 

#$#$# 

“Hogan!” Klink approached the team as they worked on their laundry. “Hogan! A word!” She parted them like the red sea, and Hogan stepped away. 

“Sure thing, Klink,” he wrapped his arms around himself, following her on a slow walk around the barracks. “What’s on your mind.” 

“General Oden!” She blurted, “has invited me to town later today.” 

“Did he propose?” 

“No! That’s the strange thing,” she leaned closer. “He was…perfectly…normal! No proposal, no leering, no nothing! It was a simple conversation.” 

“That’s suspicious,” Hogan muttered. “Where are you meeting him?” 

“A beer garden,” she scrunched up a bit. “To discuss old times.” 

“Hmmmm, maybe he doesn’t want to get married.” 

“I hope not. He’s not disagreeable or ugly, but I have no intention of washing a man’s socks.” 

“He’s not the worst?” 

“No, he’s alright,” she muttered, “but still! The point remains that I do not want to do anything with anyone.” 

“Well, do you remember when we were a workforce for a restaurant in town?” Hogan asked, “If you asked the owner of the house for a little picnic lunch, they’d make you one. That way, you won’t owe him for anything, and he can’t get pushy.” 

“That’s a good idea!” 

“But,” he held up a hand, pausing beside one of Barracks two’s windows so Lebau could hear him. “Only in exchange for Lebeau’s strudel. Turns out it sells well out front.” 

“How fast can he make it?” 

“Shouldn’t take him too long, but he’ll need access to your kitchens.” 

“Good, good. Then I can come to the meal prepared.” She glared at him. “Not one word if he returns to Stalag 13!” 

“My word of honor,” he said plainly. “But if he’s not interested, don’t give him a reason to be. Right?” 

“Right,” she nodded her head frantically.

“So, when do I meet him?” 

“He was not interested in you,” she admitted. “I thought it was strange, but he was not interested in meeting you.” 

“Well, my feelings are hurt. You should tell him my virtues,” he batted his eyelashes at her, and she scoffed. 

“You have only vices and sins, Colonel Hogan.” 

“And I’m good at all of them.” With a wink, he shrugged again. “Come on, what do you think of this, General Oden? Is he sweet?” 

“He is not. He is a general, but he is..not terrible.”  

“I suppose that’s the best that you can expect from a German general these days.” He hummed, more than confident that his men would get things ready. They had microfilm to get to resistance members in town, and Klinks' date was the perfect cover. “Try not to charm him too much. Don’t brag about things you've done, and don’t go around fawning over him. If you do that, he’ll be fascinated by you, and then you’ll never be left alone.” 

“No flattery,” she muttered, “no bragging! Of course! That will make him lose interest.” 

“#$#$# 

“Albert,” General Oden eyed his fat cousin with a judgemental eye. “You lied to me?”

“I did?” Albert blinked rapidly, adjusting his seat until he could squeeze his girth onto his chair. “About what?” 

“You told me that Colonel Klink was annoying, stupid, and pompous.” General Oden shrugged when the man stared at him. “Truly, she is not.” He only started when the man began to laugh. “What is it?” 

“Klink is insufferable,” General Burkhalter chortled. “And a peacock!” 

“We had lunch in a beer garden,” he explained, examining the grungy office. “She brought food and did not once peacock or flatter. She spoke…calmly. It was refreshing to deal with a sensible woman.” 

“I know many things about Colonel Klink, and I would not describe her as sensible…or calm.” Albert squinted. “What did you do?” 

“Nothing, I plan to propose after a little negotiation, but I am surprised that she is so sensible. Everyone I’ve spoken to seems to think that she’s…a madwoman.” 

“She’s a woman colonel, which she would not have become if she weren’t mad.” Albert pointed out. 

“True enough, but I will admit that Stalag 13 is very…strange.” 

“It is, but there are no escapes, and every attempt to move Klink away from Stalag 13 is a disaster. I swear, it is the strangest thing.”

“Yes,” Oden agreed. “But she has no other prospects.” 

“None that last more than a few hours. They usually end up cheating on her, and there were a few traitors. Klink has an unfortunate love life. I don’t want to get into it, but I am not certain her heart will be in any marriage.” 

“I’m not looking for a love match, Albert,” Oden pointed out. “But she is the least offensive woman I have met in some time.” 

“That you’re willing to marry,” the general pointed out, and Oden nodded.  

“That I am willing to marry.” 

“Are you planning on courting her for much longer?” 

“I want to get a feel for the area,” he said, “and get an idea of what I would be coming into.” Whatever he considered next wasn’t important enough to relate to his cousin. “I’ll be inviting her to dinner in the Haufbrau house.” 

“That will be a change of pace,” Abert muttered, “she has a French chef she uses to entertain….one of her prisoners.” 

“He agrees to it?” 

“I believe there is an arrangement,” Albert shrugged. “He is an excellent chef. If you’re interested, have dinner at Stalag 13.”

“That is not a bad idea.”

“But mind Colonel Hogan.” 

“Ah,” Oden sat upright. “What is the situation with Colonel Hogan? He is very…strange.” 

“He is one of the strongest men I have ever met,” his cousin muttered. “He is always in trouble, but there is never enough evidence. He has tried to escape but never succeeds. There are times that I believe that his loyalties can be swayed, but they are never proven. I believe he is…a salesman or some con artist. He is not to be trusted…unless it benefits himself.” 

“Ah, he is a poor soldier then?” 

“I cannot say. Many officers believe that he is an eagle in a cage. I believe that he is a scavenger. He simpers and whispers what people wish to hear. I do not understand the nature of his affair with Klink.” The man shuddered. “I try not to think about it.” 

“That could be useful.” 

“I do not think so.” His cousin disagreed as Oden stood. “But do what you like. You understand I cannot order Klink to accept your proposal, and I will not retaliate if she turns you down.” 

“Do not tell me that you are protective of this little stork, Albert?”

“Colonel Klink is an effective officer….to a degree, and very useful. Between your reputation and her ability to keep several hundred Allied men prisoner…I know which I will choose.” 

“Of course, of course.” Oden waved him down. “Good afternoon, Albert.” 

“Good luck,” the fat general drawled, and Oden let himself out. 

#$#$ 

“What we have,” Hogan said, holding up a piece of microfilm, “is this, and we need to get it to town.” 

“With the general still calling to court,” Newkirk muttered, “It will be bloody hard. She’s doubled the guards.” 

“And she’s getting antsy,” Carter added, “she poured her tea in her ink pot!” 

“That’s wonderful,” Hogan muttered, arms wrapped around himself. “That’s just wonderful; we will need this microfilm to get to the underground and.” 

“Schultz is coming!” Lebeau called from the door, and the men scattered. Taking up places as the door opened and the fat sergeant waddled in.  

“Hiya! Schultz!” Carter exclaimed. “What brings you by?” 

“Colonel Hogan!” He pushed up his helmet, breathing heavily. “Kommandant Klink wants to speak with you right away! She is very upset.” 

“Really? Don’t tell me that someone was pulling on her ponytail.” 

“Hogan!” Schultz tried to hide his laughter. “That is not funny. Not funny! Hurry! She is in a terrible mood.” 

“There’s a shock,” Newkirk scoffed. 

“Alright, let’s go see what this is about,” Hogan pulled on his cap as he followed the man into Klink’s quarters, where the woman was fluttering around her office. She spotted Hogan and let out a shriek of annoyance. 

“Get out! Shultz!” She snapped. “Out! Out!” For such a large man, he could run when he wanted to. As soon as he was gone, Klink whirled on a started hogan, riding crop slapping against the desk. “ You have failed me !” 

“Failed you?” Hogan backed away, arms in front of him in case she decided to use the crop for anything other than gesticulating. 

“You told me he would lose interest!” 

“Well, look at you!” He tried. 

“You told me not to flatter him!” 

“Yeah, men like to be flattered!” 

“You told me!” Klink drew herself up tightly, “that by being me, he would lose interest. He did not!” 

“Uh.” Hogan paused, “what?”

“General Burkhalter called,” she seethed. “He is on his way!”

“Burkhalter is already married, and he’s not a Mormon.” 

“General Oden!” She wailed. She didn’t have much hair to clutch at or much of a chest to heave about in emotion, but she collapsed onto the chair. “He’s on his way to propose!” 

“Oh, Oh !” Hogan sucked in a panicked breath. What was wrong with the guy? Klink wasn't even easy on the eyes.

“I’ll have to wear a dress,” Klink said with the gravitas of a man imagining his execution. “My mother will be here!” 

“Oh,” that was a fate worse than death. Frau Klink was the meanest, nastiest, bitchiest woman Hogan had ever met, and he’d met her daughter. On her own, Klink was annoying. Stacked next to her mother and other officers, she was downright pathetic. Hogan wanted to shoot the woman. “Ouch.” 

He could probably find a working relationship with General Oden. If the man moved in, it would take some shuffling…maybe they could keep the operation going? 

Both of them started as the door opened. 

“General Oden to see you, Kommandant.” Hilda said, winking a bit at Hogan. She stepped away, and the general entered the room. Unlike most men, he didn’t look at her. His eyes did land on Hogan, and there was something heavier than the cursory glance he usually got from visiting officers. So far, only Bittenbinder had evaluated him to such an extent, and he wondered what the man saw. 

“General,” Hogan didn’t bother with hoping from his sitting place on Klink's desk. It had been a long war, but he’d moved the stupid helmet far enough for him to have a regular cleaning spot.

“General!” Klnk shot to her feet, shoving Hogan off her desk. “Colonel Hogan was just.” She hesitated, clearly wishing for him to stay in case the general actually got on one knee. “He was just.” 

“Leaving?” Oden offered graciously, opening the door for the American. Hogan shot her a grimacing smile and a salute and made his strategic retreat. He locked eyes with the general only long enough for him to wink.

As soon as he could, he bounced across the compound to his barracks, calling for Kinch to put the coffee on. 

#$#$ 3

Klink wished Hogan was standing beside her, or at least beside Oden, where he could make rude faces at the man behind his back. She needed a bachelor to buffer herself from the man with intentions of marriage .

Why couldn’t she have a string of boy toys across Germany? No one would pressure her to marry like other single officers. 

“I have heard,” Oden settled into the chair,  “that Hogan is a very strange man.” 

“He can be.” She muttered. 

“An eagle in a cage, some have described him.” 

“He is a headache,” Klink pursed her thing lips, trying to figure out what his angle could be. “General.” 

“I…,” he hesitated. “Am not a young man anymore.” 

“No, you’re not.’ 

His eyebrows rose. “You are not a young woman.” 

Klink cringed backward into her seat. “I am not.” 

“To be clear, I am not asking as General Oden or as a general at all. Let us speak without considerations of our office, but as a man and a woman do.” 

Klink’s heart compressed inward, and she grimaced. “Yes.” 

“My proposal is a purely economic one.” He said gently, and the brief fantasy she had of slapping him across the head startled her. “I understand you have other interests, and I will be frank that I have other interests.” 

“Then why are you here?” She asked; the men across the compound agreed silently. 

“Very simply, I like you. I find your company enjoyable.”  Her gasp of shock and confusion was echoed by the members of Barracks Two. “I believe our marriage would make for good companionship. I admire your rank and have little wish to intrude on your station here at Stalag 13. We would both be perfectly comfortable.” 

“I see.” Something filtered through her voice, and every man within earshot sat up.  “What other interests do you mean, General?”  

“I have a companion I cannot marry.” 

“So you proposed,” Klink stated flatly. 

“Yes,” he blinked, doubtlessly sounding reasonable. In fact, if Klink had been anyone else, the proposal would have been reasonable. Except that Klink was Klink, and thus a bitter, selfish, and self-centered woman. “Come now, Klink. I am not blind. This is an economic proposal; I am not offended by.” 

“I AM! That you seem to insist that I marry a man willing to carry on an affair during our marriage! That you seem to believe I cannot find a love match! That I would be reduced to accepting the half-hearted proposal from a man who thinks I cannot do better!” 

“I,” Oden considered, “you are…upset?” 

“I am furious!” The woman nearly shrieked.

“I have considered that, Klink. I have no objections if you carry on your…liaisons.” 

“ WHAT LIAISONS ?” The woman leaped to her feet, wound with excess energy and livid. 

“Your rather public affair with that pet American of yours,” he said blithely, “Colonel Hogan.” momentarily speechless, Klink fell back into her chair as he continued. “I cannot say I approve or that I understand the attraction. His looks are compounded by a ridiculous allegiance and personality. However, I do not believe you would approve of my companion.” 

Every man in Hogan’s office turned to stare at him; the shocked confusion could not have been faked. Their attention turned to the coffee pot again. 

“I….I…” Klink went to speak, but her mouth opened and closed silently. Never before had she looked more like a fish. “ Hogan ?” 

“It would explain why he is with you, agrees to do favors, lends you his chef, leans against your desk as a secretary might.” 

“ Oh my God !” Carter whispered, clapping his hands over his mouth. 

“I am aware of Hogan’s reputation, Colonel. The favor he trades, the women and even a few officers. He is, as they say, a slut.” 

Hogan turned the color of mottled oatmeal, pale and red at the same time.   His jaw went slack, and every man in his office went dumb.

Klink blushed a furious red, insulted on her behalf or Hogan’s; she wasn’t sure. 

“I do not object if you keep him as your…entertainment. So, the favor should be.” 

“COLONEL HOGAN IS NOT MY SLUT! ”   Outside, Hilda choked on her breath before rushing to the door to press her ear against it.  Klink slammed her riding crop against the desk. “How dare you insinuate that I would pressure a prisoner into an illicit affair! How dare you suggest that I would sleep with an American !” A prisoner! An enemy officer! How dare you suggest that I would have an affair in my marriage!”  

“ Both barrels, Kommandant ,” Newkirk laughed, a worried eye on his colonel . 

“Klink, please. This is merely.” 

“An insult to my honor as a woman! An officer! A German!” She gesticulated wildly with her riding crop for a moment, struggling to find the words. “OUT!” 

“Colonel Klink!” 

“OUT! OUT! OUT OF MY OFFICE! OUT OF MY CAMP! GET OUT!” Nearly hysterical, she waved her crop about, “I will not stand to be insulted by anyone! Not a General! Not even God!”  

Hilda rushed back to her desk to pretend she hadn’t been eavesdropping, and as soon as Klink watched the suddenly nervous general escape the camp, she turned to Schultz. 

“The cooler!” She barked suddenly. “Hogan! Find him and put him in! Now!” 

‘What should I say?” Schultz blustered, having definitely caught the screaming. 

“I don’t care!” She slammed the door shut, storming back to her quarters, where she promptly started ranting at the walls. 

In Barracks two, it was almost a relief to Hogan to be dragged out by a highly apologetic Schultz; he wasn’t sure he could rationally think of an explanation for anything right now. 

Sure, sure, he knew he had a bit of a reputation as a loose cannon and a flight risk. But for a general to consider him only as a silly, self-serving man willing to sell his body for favors and attention…was a bit far. 

In the privacy of the cooler, he felt his face burn as his lousy reputation settled in front of him. A random general asking around could only come to one conclusion…that Hogan was sleeping with Klink for favors. 

Klink’s own anger and fury would keep him at bay for a while…which would put the microfilm out of business. He if was in the cooler for a while, then his men could smuggle it out. 

Maybe he should seduce Klink? Perhaps not a regular honey pot, but there had to be something she wanted from him. The problem was finding that relationship and fitting himself into it, which was proving nearly impossible and had been impossible so far. 

His initial orders had been to seduce her; it wasn’t like Allied command was going to take issue with it. The problem was with his men…and the fact that Klink was resistant to seduction. He was less upset with his terrible reputation than he ought to be. The truth was people underestimated sluts. They thought pleasure and sex got in the way of thinking or showed that you couldn’t think. 

Hogan could do both.  He could be a slut and a genius; he was just insulted that people thought he was Klink’s.

Pursing his lips, he watched the stone move from the cover of their tunnel. Carter poked his head through. “Klink’s in a tizzy, sir.” 

“I’ll bet.” 

“She’s just about having cats, and we’re all staying low. Corporal Zimmerman made a joke she didn’t appreciate, and she’s put him on double rotations for the next week.” 

“That’s our Klink,” Hogan, “reasonable in the face of trouble. What about the general?” 

“Long gone.” 

“This will get back to Burkhalter,” Hogan mused as a few things clarified in his mind. Why the man tolerated him to such an extent, even to the point of un-military conversation? “Thanks, Carter.” 

“You alright, sir?” 

Burkhalter and the other officers entertained him because they thought he was Klink’s mistress…so to speak. It was a cultural thing or something like that. Officers and lords always had a kept woman or two…and they were usually pretty well entertained. 

“ Yep .” He managed with a strangled voice.

“Well…we’ll let you. Um.” 

“Go, Carter.” 

“Yes, sir.” Sensing his poor mood, the man vanished. Hogan stared at the iron gray ceiling, trying not to hate everything. He was angry, infuriated, and emasculated, but the longer he thought about the plan, the better he liked it. 

Sure, he was embarrassed. That was a given, but the idea that Hogan was Klinks….whatever, was better than that being the truth.  Klink rejected his propositions and continued to reject them. 

It was another week before Klink diegned to meet him, storming into the Cooler in a slightly calmed rage. 

“Colonel Hogan!” 

“Klink,” he sat up, straightening his increasingly rumpled clothes. “What do I owe the pleasure?” 

“You…” she hesitated. 

“To the cooler, you know it’s against.” 

“You, Colonel Hogan, must be more mindful of your reputation!” She snapped. “And how it reflects on your men, and what would happen if your men ever caught wind of your reputation.” 

“My reputation?” He sat up; of the hundreds of scenarios he’d considered, there hadn’t been one where Klink cared. Klink didn’t care; she was the zero in the equation. 

“Yes! What sort of a riot would there be if your men heard any of the conversation I had with General Oden?” 

“What conversation?” he asked because he was supposed to be ignorant. ‘

“That doesn’t concern you!” She looked furtively around. “I…I will simply say that I will not be placed in the situation to defend your honor again!” 

“ What?” He was confused; he was used to confusing Klink, not the other way around. 

“Yes! You….you are confined to your quarters for the rest of the week.” 

“Colonel! I haven’t even done anything!” He pressed a hand to his chest, blinking up through dark eyelashes. “Not even a measly escape attempt! Come on! I’ve done my time. No need to lock me up further!” 

She visibly wavered. 

“I’m not even sure what you’re talking about. What did the General want anyway, did he propose?” 

“He did…I refused,” the woman sniffed imperiously. “Nevermind! You’re confined to your barracks for the rest of the week! We will speak no further of this….marriage inspection.’

“I won’t say a word.” Hogan agreed. She nodded gratefully. “So long as you tell me what he said.” 

Klink froze; the realization that he’d miscalculated came only a minute later. Turning on her heels, she barked for the guard. 

“Let him out on Sunday!” She ordered in German, which Hogan pretended he couldn’t understand. 

“Come on!” He exclaimed as the proud woman stormed out. “I!” 

Why was it always relationships that make Klink go crazy?  He pressed his hands against his eyes and dropped down onto the cot. 

Well, they had new flyers coming into camp this week, so at least he’d have something to do in the evenings.

Hopefully, this wouldn’t happen the next time some insipid officer came sniffing for Klink’s job.