Archive of Our Own

It was still early. He probably could relax for a little bit more.

He turns to face his wife and smiles as he sees her still deeply asleep. Her body was facing him, her hands lying prone between them. Without thinking much about it, he brought up his own hand and took one of hers in it. He interlaced their fingers and with a content sigh, pulled it up to lie on his chest.

One thing Sasuke learned during his travels with Sakura was that he actually likes holding her hand.

It wasn't something he'd ever think about before. It wasn't something he thought he'd ever think about.

The first time it happened, it was very awkward. Surprisingly, even to himself, it was Sasuke who initiated it.

It was the first few weeks into their travels, and they were still a little awkward around each other. Not so much about interacting casually, but about touching. Sakura was very conscious of not even being in Sasuke's personal space, as if she was scared he'd ask her to go if she crossed an invisible line. So because of that, even Sasuke became a bit conscious of when they're being too close.

But at that time, they had been crossing a small town in the River Country and had noticed there was some sort of festival. Sasuke had noticed that Sakura seemed interested, so he had proposed that they spent the night there, and to just continue their travels the following day. That way, Sakura can enjoy the festival even for a little bit. Sakura had looked quite please at this, if the beam she had given him was anything to go by.

So they found an inn where they can stay overnight, and in the evening they went out to join the festivities.

It was a small town, but there were a lot of people in the town center. Their innkeeper mentioned they do receive lots of tourist during this time because of the festival.

So when they entered the crowd, and when they almost got separated, Sasuke just natually grasp her hand to keep her by his side. He didn't think much of it when he did it, but because of how Sakura reacted—she blushed and became quite red and quite conscious—Sasuke also grew very aware of the warmth in his hand.

But he didn't dislike it, nor did he think it was practical to let go of her with him holding her hand to not lose her in the crowd the reason he did it in the first place—so he didn't.

But more than her warmth, he can also feel his own face warming up. He can feel his heart beating somewhat faster, and he even felt a little embarrased because he can feel his palm starting to sweat a little.

Which never really happens before. It was all because of the new situation he was in.

But even with all of that, he really didn't dislike it, at all. He actually kinda liked feeling that way. And that surprised him because he used to hate any kind of skinship.

Of course, it hasn't always been like that. As a child, he definitely loved his mom's hugs and even went out of his way to get Itachi to carry him around. He loved whenever his father would pat him on the top of his head, too.

But that's also probably why he started disliking it after the massacre. Warm touches would just remind him of what he had lost.

He remembered that he was very particular about his personal space in the academy. That was why he hated the girls who would go out of their way to touch him. He had always hated it when Yamanaka used to do it, even moreso when because of that, Sakura would also do it out of competition. She had always been respectful of his space except for when the Yamanaka girl was around.

But when he was put in Team 7, even without those intimate touches, he had felt that warmth like of his family again. And overtime, he gradually started not minding the skinship as much. The weak (playful) hits or even the fist bumps Naruto would give him, the quick pats in the back or on his head Kakashi would sometimes give him, and Sakura's naturally affectionate touches—her helping him stand, or catching him whenever he falls, or even just instinctively holding onto him whenever she loses her balance or she felt scared. And he'd soon find himself reciprocating them. It just became natural to be close to them physically, as well.

He was particularly comfortable touching Sakura. He remembers covering her body with his if he had to protect her, he remembers carrying her, and even holding on to her wrist whenever he needed to. He'd even held onto her hand that one time—when Orochimaru gave him the curse seal and he was fighting off the pain. Her touch was the only thing giving him even the littlest comfort at that time.

And that was when he knew he was getting too close to them, to her.

And he got scared. And so, he started making the wrong choices.

He sighs on their bed as he went back to other more happy memories.

At that festival during their travels... he'd remember, how eventually the crowd in that festival did settle and thinned. And at least before the fireworks display started, they already have a lot of space in the town center. Sasuke could have let go of her hand then, but he didn't.

And he thinks that was him continuing his streak of good choices—the start of the good choices being him promising Sakura that she can go and travel with him after he atone for his sins, and fulfilling that promise.

They did enjoy that festival together. Sasuke really didn't consider it their first date—to him the whole of their travels together felt like a continuous date that transitions to a long honeymoon after they officially got married.

And the whole time, he never let go of her hand. And Sakura probably understood then, that she didn't have to be so careful around him; that he didn't mind her in his personal space.

So after that there was a gradual change. Sakura would now initiate to hold his hands sometimes. But at first she was still being careful. She'd only hold on to him if she had a reason, and she'd immediately let go when she didn't have to hold on to him anymore. During those times, as soon as Sakura lets go, he would snatch her hand right back up. And soon, Sakura understood what he was saying.

'Hold my hand. I don't mind. I like it.'

So after that, they did more hand-holding, more touching in general—her linking her arms with his,  or leaning her head on his shoulder when they sat side by side. He habitually poking her forehead, especially whenever he was feeling particularly fond of her, and he found himself liking standing right behind her and putting his chin on her shoulder whenever they were stationary.

And the most enjoyable part about that one is, it seems that Sakura loves it when he does that, too.

As they continue their travels, touching just became something that was second nature, especially after they got married.

When she was finally his wife—something he was so scared to even consider once upon a time, but felt like it has always been meant to be when it did happen, he can just hold her hand—her even without any reason.

And each time it gives him the same warmth, excitement and joy he had experienced when it first happened. It reminds him of family, of love.

It reminds him that someone loves him, and he is capable and free to love someone, too.

Her hands fascinates him, to be honest.

Her hands that looks delicate, and as soft as it actually is, with smooth and unblemished skin.

But it's the same hand that can destroy boulders, and that can handle weapons and poisons. All the while, it's the same hands that heals and relieves her patients.

It's the same hands that ground him and comfort him, and even the same hands that teases him and fans the flames of passion when they're intimate.

It was a little ironic how his own hand brought him shame, while hers brought him pride.

When he lost his arm in that last fight with Naruto, he didn't feel regret over it. He actually thought it was what he deserved. That hand of his has taken so many lives, had done horrible things—not that it absolves him of any sin just because it was now gone. But he'd like to think having to live with one hand is a form of atonement on itself.

The lost of his hand itself, to be completely honest, there were times when it was a comfort to him. When he started his journey of redemption, and even up to the first few weeks of his journey with Sakura, he would be plague with nightmares.

Sometimes it was the usual—the massacre of his family. Sometimes it was Itachi's death. And then there were times that it was that moment when he almost killed Sakura, only in his dreams, he succeeded. Whenever he dreamt of that, when he wakes up, finding that that hand that tried to harm Sakura was gone, had been a blessing. It grounded him to reality, and reassured him that he had failed.

Now those nightmares were rare to come. If anything he had new nightmares now, new fears.

Usually taking him back to when he had to be away from his family for long periods of time.

He would dream of something similar to what happen in his childhood, but this time, he was coming home to his and Sakura's home, and finding them instead of his parents.

He had been very scared of not being able to come home anymore. 

And as the years pass and he spent longer and longer time not being able to come home, mostly in fear of him bringing danger right to their own front door, he appreciates all these little things he grew to love doing.

He missed doing them dearly, even felt like even if he had savored them when he can do it, he still took them for granted.

And then whenever he does come home, he'd notice this differences. Sakura's hand getting thinner, her skin getting more translucent that in time, he can see the veins at the back of her hands more, and then those little wrinkles and small blemishes that keeps adding up.

It adds to his fear. He knew he had missed a lot, and he was scared he would miss more, or worst, that he would just one day return an not find that hand to hold. They were both getting old after all, and he had already wasted a lot of time with his blind chase for revenge.

So losing his eye might be a blessing in disguise like that of losing his hand. Because now, he is home. And he can stay home, at least much more than before. He was still an active ninja, after all.

And this time, he aims to never take anything for granted.

So just this moment of few minutes of Sakura still fast asleep, and him just holding her hand, he would savor it. He would ingrain it in his mind and forever treasure the feeling.

He even treasure his only hand now because it's the hand the can hold hers.

"Sasuke-kun?"

He must have unconsciously tighten her grip on Sakura's hand that it stirred her to awaken. He only smiles, even savoring her relaxed and sleepy voice.

"Sorry, did I wake you up? It's still early. Go back to sleep, Sakura." He tells her quietly.

But it seems Sakura was already fully awake. She moved so she was lying on her tummy and moved her head close to Sasuke's. Sasuke was still holding her hand to his chest. He felt Sakura grasp his hand back.

"What were you doing?" She asks, eyes fully awake but still with her sleepy voice.

He subtly shook his head. "I just like your hand." He tells her, and now pulls her hand to his cheek.

Sakura just giggles. "You're being weird again."

"I love you." Sasuke tells her instead.

He learned he also loves saying that to her.

Sakura blushes immediately, but she was still smiling shyly. He also loved that whenever he does it, Sakura would always have this exact reaction.

"I love you, too." She says, almost automatically. But Sasuke knew she's sincere. She's always been sincere.

Then without any warning, he maneuvered the both of them so that Sakura would be lying on her back, under Sasuke's own body.

Sakura laughs as he starts kissing her neck, feeling ticklish.

"Sasuke-kun! We'll have to get up soon!"

Sasuke shook his head. "It's still early." He repeats himself, and then went to kiss her right on the mouth as his hand move down to her body familiarly.

Among many other things he had learned he loved doing with Sakura, this was probably one of the top ones.

END