Archive of Our Own

By the time you read this, I’ll be dead.

No, no. Don’t start crying now. If I know you as well as I think I do, you’ve probably put this off for weeks maybe even months after the funeral and you’re now just learning to look at my picture and not breakdown. Or maybe you still will, I’m not sure. You never really let me see you cry.

Anyway, enough of that. And yes, I mean your tears. Dry them right now, Kim Seungmin or I swear to god.

So, I started writing this a couple of months ago and before we proceed, I want you to read this with one of those narrator voices in the romcoms I used to force you to watch. Yes, I’ll still torture you in the grave. Always be my Maybe was a great film and you know it!

Okay, now that your narrator voice is on — because it better be — we can proceed. Ha! Proceed. I’m beginning to sound more and more like you Mr. Lawyer Man.

(I’m stalling. I know). (By the way, I will be inserting romcom lines everywhere in this letter. You have to spot them).

Min. Hi, baby. How’re you. I hope you’ve been eating. I hope you’re not alone. I hope you can sleep without me there to…

I miss you. I know I’m not gone yet, but I will miss you, I don’t know…I just. God, I promised myself not to make this sappy and sad so let’s start again. I hope Soongie is as evil to you as he was when I was still here. I hope you don’t miss me too much.

It feels so weird writing about myself in past tense when I’m still here. Or at least, a part of me. I can’t feel myself slipping, Min. Sometimes I wake up and I can’t move and I’m so exhausted even when I’ve slept for hours. Sometimes I wake up and I don’t even know my own name.

My biggest fear is forgetting yours.

But that’s not important right now. What’s important is I’m being a thoughtful, gorgeous, one of a kind boyfriend and I’ve decided to write down memories so that, I don’t know…even if I forget, you won’t? Or maybe just to be sure I still remember them.

I don’t know. But hey! You can’t deny that this is romantic. I’m being romantic right now, Min. You should feel lucky. So yeah. Um, memories, yes.

Do you remember the first time we met? You totally hated…

—

Kim Seungmin totally hated Lee Minho. And they’d only met five hours ago. Yet, he couldn’t erase the older man’s cocky smile from his memory. He hated him, hated him, hated how Minho made him feel like mud under his feet with only a few demeaning glances and even more horrifying words.

He wanted to drop out of the case immediately.

‘I want to drop out of the case immediately.’ He said to his superior Seo Changbin, who only regarded him with a droll glance as his eyes returned to the paperwork on his desk.

‘And why is that, Seungmin-ah?’ The usually jovial Seo Changbin sounded exasperated as he leaned back into his leather armchair.

Right. He hadn’t thought that one through yet.

‘Um…’ he started.

Changbin adjusted the dark blue rimmed glasses on the bridge if his nose. ‘Are you having an affair with Minho-ssi?’

A surprised noise elicited from him and his eyes widened. ‘No, sir!’ He sputtered.

‘Do you have any sort of relation with the client?’

Seeing where the man was going with the questioning, his shoulders sagged. ‘No, sir.’

‘Then since you have nothing to do with the client prior to this case, I’m afraid you have no reason to drop out.’ Changbin pushed the glasses up again and returned to his paperwork. ‘Unless, there’s something you want to tell me?’

His teeth sent a shock flying through him with how clamped they are. He couldn’t possibly justify leaving a case because a client made him feel less than. Not only was it unprofessional but it might make his boss rethink that promotion he was promised in the foreseeable future.

‘No, sir.’

‘Alright.’ Changbin said. ‘If that will be all, see you Monday, Seungmin-ah.’

He left the office simmering. With how creased his features were, none of his colleagues dared ask what the matter was. Only allowing him boil with rage until closing time when he drive straight to Hwang Hyunjin’s.

The lanky man was painting when Seungmin barged in; his blonde shoulder length hair was in a pony tail, black sleeves rolled up to the elbow, jeans varnished with various colours even with the large apron he wore. There was a pencil tucked on his left ear and a slender paint brush on the right. His presence alone was sufficient to calm Seungmin down a bit.

Enough, at least, to not slam the door shut or plop face first on the living room couch like he wanted to. He settled for a back hug, instead.

‘I could get away with murder, you know.’ He whispered into the crook of Hyunjin’s neck, pulling him tighter when the older man laughed. ‘I know all the rules. I know what the autopsy does and doesn’t search for. I know what to do to make it look like an accident.’

Hyunjin shivered, ever so touch sensitive. ‘I should be scared.’

Seungmin hummed in agreement. ‘You should.’

‘What’s made you want to pursue an opposite career path all of a sudden?’ He asked as he turned around slowly to reciprocate the hug.

‘Lee Minho.’ The lawyer spat as he led them to the bright yellow couch.

‘Ah, okay. Thanks, Minnie! You’re so specific. It’s not like there are fifty Lee Minho’s outside alone.’

A smack was the reward for his sarcasm and he laughed again. Hyunjin’s laugh was ever so easy. Seungmin had always known Hyunjin never faked a laugh — he laughed when he found thing funny which was a lot and it was always the same hearty, light sound. He could probably listen to the man laugh all day.

‘He’s a client of mine.’ He mumbled. ‘Came in for a lawsuit case against some charity organizations and he’s got all the Noonas and Hyungs wrapped around his fingers which, I honestly cannot understand, because he makes me so mad, Jin. Like if I could wrap my hands around his stupid throat and—‘

A bark interrupted him.

‘Yah! Keep it PG, Kkami is still a baby.’ Hyunjin lightly scolded before he stretched his hand, gesturing for the white and black Yorkshire to jump into his arms.

‘Sorry, Kkam.’ He chuckled, then in an exaggerated voice, ‘want me to feed you to make it up?’

He’d already risen before he finished his question. Ignoring Hyunjin’s comment about spoiling the dog, he reached into his briefcase and retrieved a snack he always made sure to purchase for the fur ball.

‘Hey,’ he said as he poured the biscuits into the dog bowl. ‘I’m sorry about bursting in here and talking about my problems. And for, you know, distracting you from painting. I know Saturday’s are yours.’

Hyunjin plucked the pencil from his ear and twirled it in his hands. ‘Ah, don’t worry about it. Wasn’t really going anywhere with that, anyway. It was just for leisure. Besides,’ he added. ‘I should be thanking you, for, you know, giving me more material for my Seungmin Rants collection.’

‘Screw you.’ Seungmin laughed, rising from his crouched position and removing his hands from Kkami’s hair. ‘Movie?’

‘God, yes please!’ Hyunjin had never liked watching movies alone. Seungmin laughed again at the thought.

Monday rolled around quicker than he’d anticipated and as he walked into office, dread crept up his spine. Halfway there, Kim Song-ji, the legal support staff had let him know the client had arrived and the meeting would begin soon. So with a sigh, he made his way to the conference room.

Perhaps he was snarkier than usual because he’d run late and was unable to risk the five minute stop to get coffee at Ms. Choi’s so his footsteps were heavier and his jaw was set when he pushed the door open.

The other attorney and the litigation officer were cheerfully greeting Mr. Lee when he entered and he had to try really hard not to roll his eyes from the ass kissing. He refused to gyrate on the floor in the face of old money like Attorney Hwang Yeji and Kim Hongjoong the litigator. Especially not for Lee Minho.

He bowed to everyone in greeting and found his seat; it took him a second to notice the paper cup in front of him and even longer to inhale the bitter smell of black coffee just as he liked. His gaze flitted around the room, wondering who was kind enough to save his morning. He wasn’t particularly close with his coworkers, other than Song-ji and Eubin of the legal department.

‘Seungmin-ah.’ Changbin chirped once he sat down. ‘Good, you’re here. Before we begin, let’s all thank Mr. Lee for being kind enough to get us coffee so early in the morning.’

His eyes flicked up sharply and found Lee Minho’s amused ones. Suddenly, he wasn’t thirsty. Still, he knew he couldn’t be immature so he bowed once more and muttered his thanks. He hated the glint that entered Minho’s eyes.

Finally, they began to discuss the case.

Mr. Lee wanted to sue Kim Brother’s Charity Orphanage for misconduct and mistreatment of the children in their care. Apparently, all of the money he and some other wealthy partners donated wasn’t put towards the betterment of the children’s live and with a little investigation, it turned out to be a front for a scam.

It would’ve been an easy win if he and his partners did not foolishly sign a contract they’d not thoroughly cross checked and their signatures basically alluded to the knowledge and consent of the misdoings.

‘The money isn’t the problem.’ Mr. Lee claimed. ‘I can lose dozens of that and I won’t even blink.’

Somehow Seungmin believed it. He hated that what should’ve sounded like empty bragging rang true with no intent of jactitation.

‘It’s just…you should’ve have seen the conditions these children were left in. It wasn’t human. It’s not human. I don’t understand how they can treat innocent young people like this. Like, how is any of this—‘ he stopped himself, seeming to notice how tense his shoulders have gotten, how heavy his voice rang. ‘I just want to make them realize they cannot get away with this.’

After a brief silence only broken by the fluttering of paper, Seo Changbin sighed.

‘I understand this case might mean a lot to you, Minho-ssi. But, as I said before, it’s going to be a hard one.’

Minho nodded in understanding. ‘I’m willing to double your normal rates.’

Seungmin saw Yeji adjust her hair and shift in her seat. He almost scoffed.

‘Ah, that’s very generous, Mr. Lee, but it’s less about our price or competence and more about the law. But you’ve come to Yang Firm our motto is we will try our very best. So that is what we will do, Mr. Lee.’

The man nodded again, pushing his chair back to stand. ‘Thank you. I look forward to great results.’

‘Of course. Have a great day, Mr. Lee.’

Lee Minho returned Seo Changbin’s greeting and reached to shake him and everyone else in the room. Yeji made sure to hold eye contact but Seungmin couldn’t tease her in his head when it felt like Minho held his hands the longest.

Work after that was stressful. There was a load of documents on his desk that needed to be scanned. He’d read the contract Mr. Lee and his partners signed word for word, paragraph for paragraph, almost as many times as he breathed. He could narrate the first clause at that point.

Still, nothing. No lack of precision of expression, no language substitution, no fraud and misinterpretation, nothing. The first court hearing was in a couple of weeks and his team still had come up short.

He swiveled on the leather chair in his office, tapping his pen against his head as Hongjoong went through even more documents. Soon enough, his feet began tapping.

‘Can you stop that?’ The older man sighed without looking up. ‘It’s distracting.’

He was almost tempted to continue seeing as everything had to be a challenge with him but he was too tired to argue.

‘What about breach of contract?’ Hongjoong asked after a while. ‘The party did do what they weren’t supposed to and they— oh, wait—‘

Seungmin nodded. ‘They indicated their intentions at the bottom left of the page.’

Another silence and his tapping became even more frantic the more frustrated he got. His eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and his stomach tumbled from not having a proper meal in days. It had almost been one week since Mr. Lee visited and the case was reviewed.

Was Yang Firm really the best if they couldn’t crack a simple lawsuit case?

He sighed. There wasn’t really anything simple about this one. The Kim Brothers were clever and Mr. Lee and his affiliates were not. Who just signed a contract — as successful businessmen— without having someone go through it first? The intent was clearly stated right there and a simple skim could’ve avoided the whole thing.

Still, even as Mr. Lee unnerved Seungmin to no end, he couldn’t blame him. It was all probably from a place of excitement, anyway, and genuine need to help. He was fighting back, at the very least.

A few minutes after, he bade Hongjoong, the avid over-worker, goodnight and made his way to his metropolitan view penthouse apartment. It was expensive and luxurious and beautiful but it was lonely, and as Seungmin put the keys in the door, he couldn’t help but wish he had someone to come back to.

The thought was quickly swallowed by sleep, as it usually was, if it wasn’t first eaten by work.

Mr. Lee revisited them a week to their hearing, looking too bright for someone who wasn’t even certain about victory. Seungmin envied the easy smile on his face as he greeted them. He was quick to hide all the resentment on his once the man sat directly across from him.

Seo Changbin and Hwang Yeji engaged him in conversation for a while and the attorney was happy to just slink into the background and study his already read documents forever. Until Mr. Lee mentioned something about Kimchi and suddenly everyone was agreeing.

‘I can see how hard you’re working.’ He’d said. ‘But it isn’t good to focus only on one’s job so let me treat you to the restaurant down the street. As a thank you and a congratulations in advance.’

Changbin hadn’t even let out two breaths before he agreed and Yeji was already brushing hair out of her eyes. He was sure if he said anything, he’d only be met with mocking and sharp glances so he gathered his things and rose as they did.

Mr. Lee must have planned the outing because the Jeep downstairs wasn’t what he’d come with initially. Seungmin made no qualms about it and jumped in the middle seat, pulling at his tie that felt too constricting for the hot June air.

The restaurant down the street — more like three streets down — wasn’t where Seungmin expected Lee Minho to typically eat at since it lacked not only the fancy factor but even had chipped paint and walls outside but the moment he opened the door, he could see why the man would recommend it.

Several sweet and savoury aromas tickled his nose and he was reminded then just how hungry he was. They found a table at the back while Lee Minho went to greet the owner.

Kim Seungmin tried not to groan when Yeji said: ‘isn’t Mr. Lee so nice, treating us out like this?’

With all the paperwork he was going through, Lee Minho better be prepared to treat him everyday, he thought bitterly, eyes following the man as he returned to the table.

‘You’ll have to forgive me, I got so excited and asked Manager-nim for the usual on your behalf. But I think you’ll like it, he has a special way of making it.’

Yeji’s brow raised as she asked the question on Seungmin’s mind. ‘If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the usual?’

‘Ah, special made Kimchi Bokkeumbap, Bulgogi, Tteokbokki and Kimchi Cold Spicy Noodle.’

‘That sounds delicious. Thank you, Minho-ssi.’ Changbin said politely. Minho looked bashful.

When the food arrived, Seungmin was halfway to drooling. He wondered how normal everyday meals could smell so heavenly and look so different.

‘Thank you for the meal.’ He muttered before they dug in.

At the table, polite small talk ensued and Seungmin got to learn a little more about Minho. Not enough to like him because first impressions matter but enough to not hate him. By the time they finished, he knew Minho had a cat named Dori, two more on the way. He lived in a residential area close to Seungmin (although he wouldn’t mention that) and once in school, he pulled a prank so well planned out, still no one knows he’s the culprit.

He told a couple of jokes and seemed more relaxed than most of their businessmen clients. Seungmin eyed him from behind his noodle bowl.

When they finished, everyone thanked him again and he drove them back to the firm. Night had fallen so Seungmin didn’t bother visiting his office, knowing not only that he had to leave anyway but that he wouldn’t accomplish much. So he fisted his keys and made to his car.

The lawyer stretched to ease some tension in his shoulder before he slid the key in and tried to ignite the engine. It sputtered and died the first time and the second and the third. By the forth, he could already feel frustration seeping into him. He’d forgotten to fill gas.

It didn’t help that tiny droplets of rain in the middle of June had begun to patter on his windshield. Nevertheless, he sighed as he grabbed his suitcase and exited the car. His phone was dead so he couldn’t call for an Uber. As he contemplated the next course of action, a voice called out.

‘Do you need a ride?’

Mr. Lee Minho who apparently hadn’t left leaned against his car with that same provoking amused smirk. Seungmin would have rather died. Before he could answer, the rain did for him as it spontaneously increased, drenching him in a second.

He sighed as Mr. Lee ran into the driver’s side and leaned over to the passenger’s to push open the door.

‘Hurry!’ He called. ‘I don’t like getting my interior wet.’

Seungmin couldn’t even be mad because neither did he. He just sighed for the umpteenth time, locked his car doors and made his way over to the waiting vehicle, sliding easily into the passenger’s seat.

Lee Minho smiled and started up the engine.

The drive was quiet the first few minutes, soft familiar music filtering through the speakers — okay, so maybe the businessman had taste when it came to music but Seungmin wasn’t going to tell him that — until Mr. Lee saw it fit to begin asking unnecessary questions in the guise of small talk.

‘So, Seungmin-ah, you must be very young?’ His back was pressed to the seat and he only had one hand on the wheel as he drove leisurely.

Seungmin dragged his eyes away from how Mr. Lee’s taut biceps stretched with every turn he had to make. His own arms were scraggy schoolboy limbs in comparison to the business man’s toned ones. He gripped his suitcase tighter in jealousy.

‘Not really, sir. I’m turning twenty three soon.’ He managed to answer, returning his gaze to the stretched road ahead.

‘Ah. How long have you worked at the firm?’

‘July will mark my third year here, sir.’ He wouldn’t give Mr. Lee the satisfaction of revealing more than necessary. Seungmin decided to be difficult.

‘That’s impressive.’ The man went on. ‘I’ve heard quite a number of good things about you around here.’

‘I’m sure whatever you heard has been exaggerated greatly, sir. Most of my good results in the work place are because of my hardworking team.’ He mumbled, not really in the mood to discuss his accomplishments.

‘Oh? So you aren’t the youngest attorney to win three consecutive litigation and separation cases not only in a year but in the state? And you didn’t graduate top five percent of your class from SNU? Or, is it possible, that you aren’t the one who’s managed to bag two promotions in less that a year, making you one of the most sought after and highest paid attorneys in the capital? Or did your team help with that?’

Seungmin hated the heat traveling through his body at the acknowledgment. He never really enjoyed talking about his achievements — mostly because most workers at the firm eyed him with jealousy when it was brought up and some even discussed favoritism. — but the way Mr. Lee talked about it, with a hint of pride, had Seungmin feeling like maybe he should be too.

Somehow he could hear Hyunjin’s words in the tone of Mr. Lee’s voice. Give yourself more credit, Seungmin-ah.

He shook his head, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, Mr. Lee got the message and the remainder of the drive was in blissful silence. Finally, they pulled up in front of Seungmin’s building and the businessman leaned over to stare at it.

‘At dinner,’ he started, returning his gaze to Seungmin. ‘You never mentioned living a few houses across from me, Seungmin-ah.’

Seungmin nodded and clutched his briefcase. ‘Forgive me, it must have slipped my mind.’

Mr. Lee nodded. ‘Have a good night, attorney. Hwaiting!’

‘You too, Mr. Lee. Thank you for the ride, I am in your debt.’

A polite smile and he was soon rushing into the rain damp air and inside his building. As he walked to the elevator, Seungmin didn’t fail to notice Lee Minho not driving off until he got inside.

The court hearing was a disaster. Well, not exactly but it wasn’t a solid win either. They’d come up with a strong contend that didn’t earn them victory but was enough to postpone their hearing until more material had been gathered.

As he and his team left the court, Seungmin’s spirit felt weaken. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was the first of many cases he would fail. If this one would set the ball rolling and it would be a downward streak into incompetence, if it’ll cost him everything.

Perhaps his group didn’t feel the same way as Hwang Yeji was all smiles when she discussed with an equally beaming Mr. Lee and Hongjoong was making plans with the new legal support staff Oh Haewon for lunch and Seo Changbin was sharing a few laughs with the defendants attorney since they were close friends.

Dejectedly, he marched past all of them and made his way to the company car waiting for them outside — their legal team always arrived and left at the same time. He sighed as his back reclined against the leather. It was a stressful day and Seungmin couldn’t have been making up the smug looks that the Kim Brothers kept throwing their way.

His fingers found the bridge of his nose. Everything felt frustrating: the pain in his lower back, the documents he kept reading even as nothing changed, the scalding heat because if one thing could anger him in minutes it would be sweating, and the laughter of Mr. Lee and Seungmin’s associates as they approached the car.

He suppressed a sough and managed to close his eyes, breathe deeply and relax his shoulders. Yeji was all giggly when she said goodbye, Hongjoong and Haewon would not be riding with them and Mr. Seo had already left with his friends. Okay, good, that was all of them. Now Yeji could close the door and they could drive back to Yang Firm and he could bury himself in work.

‘Seungmin-ah, a word?’ His eyes flew open just in time to catch a blood boiling smirk on Mr. Lee’s face as he opened the door and featured for the attorney to step out.

His mouth opened in protest but nothing of substantial value came out. His fingers began drumming on his briefcase as he left the car and walked over to a shade where Mr. Lee had decided to settle. His gaze flew back to the waiting car ever so often and as he wondered how long this word would take, he regretted not leaving his briefcase in the car to have something to go back to.

Once the burning glaze of the sun was completely off their body, Mr. Lee turned to him.

‘Are you angry, Seungmin-ah?’ The attorney could smell a hint of poorly hidden cigarette stench when he spoke.

‘Sorry?’ He raised his brows.

‘You’ve been frowning since the hearing.’ Mr. Lee explained. ‘Are you not happy with the outcome?’

Seungmin sighed and wondered where this was going. ‘It’s not my best conclusion, sir. But satisfied or not, I still have to work hard for the next one.’

Mr. Lee hummed, then glanced at the waiting car. ‘You should tell them to leave.’

A little taken about by the sudden and decisive tone in his voice, Seungmin followed his eyes and found Yeji on her phone while the driver drummed his fingers on the wheel.

‘Sir?’

‘I’ll drive you home,’ Mr. Lee said. ‘After you treat me to coffee.’

The attorney’s eyes widened at the sheer audacity. Perhaps Mr. Lee was used to everything being handed to him, why else would he just make decisions and expect Seungmin to follow like a lost puppy. Perhaps him and his preponderance needed to be set straight.

‘And why will I do that?’

‘You said it yourself yesterday, Seungmin-ah.’ Mr. Lee laughed one of those evoking laughs that made Seungmin feel small, he leaned impossibly closer. ‘You owe me.’

If Seungmin could’ve grumbled all his inhibitions then, he would have. But he was bound by professionalism and instead opted to curse at the businessman in his head.

The drive over to his favourite coffee place was enveloped in the required silence that music brought. When Mr. Lee pulled into the parking lot, Seungmin searched his face for any kind of shock or disgust — he knew he wouldn’t find any, if only he could judge by the dinner date a few weeks ago but he searched anyway — and he found none.

Truthfully, bringing him to the outdoor cafe had been fueled by spite. Perhaps he wanted to maim his reputation by inviting him to an area of the park where several benches were seated with a minivan at the end serving all kinds of food. But if anything, Mr. Lee appeared excited, content.

Seungmin sighed as he led them to an empty bench before making his way to the caravan. The owner, Ms. Choi, greeted him warmly, making sure to ask after Hyunjin and his parents even though she’d done the same thing a couple of days before.

He decided to redo Mr. Lee so he returned carrying drinks and snacks he’d already ordered, hating the way the business man’s eyes shone in anticipation.

‘I know this might not be what you’re used to.’ He said, a useless jab as he set the tray down.

Mr. Lee only smiled. As if he knew Seungmin felt inferior.

‘This looks delicious, Seungmin-ah.’

Bastard.

As they ate in surprising silence, Seungmin caught Minho’s eyes sweeping the place often. It wasn’t the best but it wasn’t the worst either. The fallen leaves and dewy trees made the air feel crisp and fresh. Ms. Choi, the nice old lady, had hung lights everywhere that came alive at night and there were a total of eight marginalized benches.

Lee Minho finished his appetizers quickly and stretched his hand above his head. ‘Thank you for lunch, Seungmin-ah.’

The attorney wasn’t able grumble out an acknowledgment before his phone rang. Hyunjin’s ID danced on the screen and he excused himself. When he returned from the five minute call — and taking the time to pay for lunch, Mr. Lee was just tucking his phone away.

‘Work?’ He asked as soon as Seungmin sat down.

‘Hyunjin.’ The attorney shook his head. ‘Hwang Hyunjin, my friend.’

The business raised a brow and leaned forward only slightly. ‘You can’t possibly be talking about the Hwang Hyunjin? Painter?’

‘You’ve heard of him.’ He seldom gave up opportunities to brag about the Blonde.

‘Who in the business world hasn’t? I recently attended his April showcase and I’m not exactly an art connoisseur but there’s just something about his paintings that make me…feel something.’

To be honest, beneath all of the first impression resentment and envy, Seungmin quite admired Mr. Lee. If not for anything, then for his habit of speaking exactly what came to mind without any fear of…repercussions? No. Embarrassment.

He nodded. ‘He’s quite talented.’

Mr. Lee hummed. ‘So, do you have any other friends in high places? You strike me as someone who makes important connections everywhere.’

Kim Seungmin battled a smile. ‘Quite the opposite, actually. Many don’t seem to believe it but I’m quite—‘

‘Introverted?’ Lee Minho picked up from where he left off.

Seungmin shook his head. ‘Reserved. Hyunjin and I have been friends since we were eight and he’s honestly the only reason I braved moving to Seoul.’

‘You’re not originally from here?’

‘No.’ He confirmed. ‘I’m from Busan.’

Mr. Lee offered a soft smile. ‘I see. I was trying to put my finger on the accent.’

The attorney chuckled. ‘Six years here already and I still speak like a foreigner.’

‘You do.’ Mr. Lee laughed. ‘It’s good. At least there’s still a little bit of home in you.’

Seungmin chuckled and dismissed him in a bid to hide the crimson in his ears.

‘So you came here when you were seventeen.’ Mr. Lee continued. ‘Was it hard for you? And Hyunjin.’

‘Yes. Very. I think I took it the hardest because of culture shock. Hyunjin has always been used to Seoul — he spent many holidays here. It wasn’t the same for me. I grew up in the same rural town most of my life so when I was admitted into SNU, it was difficult to adjust. I think — I think if I didn’t take that big step with him there to guide me… I don’t know.’

Lee Minho leaned forward so his entire upper body was pressed against the birch wooden table and his eyes flickered down to Seungmin’s hands before they returned to his face.

‘I can’t imagine going through that, honestly. I’ve always been a spoiled sheltered child. I think that would’ve broken me.’ He joked. Seungmin chuckled. ‘I think that says a lot about you, Seungmin-ah.’

Kim Seungmin hated how gentle the businessman’s voice became and he hated how Lee Minho made sure to hold eye contact as he spoke, perhaps with intent. He hated how fragile the moment felt.

‘Thank you.’ He managed, shifting backwards so they weren’t so close that if Mr. Lee wanted, he could envelop Seungmin’s hands in his. He pretended to look at this watch.

Mr. Lee reclined. ‘Well, once again, thank you for lunch, Seungmin-ah. I hope we can do this again. You must be running late? I hate to keep you.’

‘Yes, yes.’ He rose. ‘Thank you for your company, Mr. Lee.’

He paid Ms. Choi a parting visit and Lee Minho dropped him off with a promise to visit the firm the following week. The next few hours were spent inattentively. Even as Seo Changbin briefed them on the material they’d gathered thus far, his mind couldn’t help replaying the lunch and how nice it was.

And then he had to confront the fact that maybe he was wrong and maybe Mr. Lee wasn’t so bad after all.

Him and Hyunjin were on a walk two days to the closing hearing when it hit him. It was so easy, always right there and he wondered how they hadn’t thought of it sooner.

He immediately fetched his phone and scheduled a meeting with him team for the evening, requesting Seo Changbin to invite Lee Minho and his associates. Hyunjin left for home and he made the short drive over to the restaurant he’d offered they meet at.

By the time everyone arrived, night had fallen and they didn’t appear particularly happy to be disturbed on a Sunday evening. Seungmin couldn’t care less, a bounce in his knees as he sipped on his awfully tasting tea and anticipated their approach.

‘I apologise for the short notice,’ he wasted no time once the last person was seated. ‘But I think I may have found a loophole.’

Even as they had perfected they statements, Kim Seungmin still battled a tremor in his chest once the hearing began. Two days prior, they’d discussed their proceedings and Seungmin realized the reason it hadn’t come to him before was because the thought of being a crooked lawyer never crossed his mind.

It was the only way, he knew, if he wanted even a semi shot and securing a win but as Lee Minho was called to the stand, he couldn’t help but feel like they were doing something terribly wrong. All the oaths he’d taken and even the ones he’d given himself, they all crumbled before his eyes as the businessman answered to Hwang Yeji’s rehearsed questioning.

‘…and you have witnesses to attest to the fact that you were intoxicated and therefore not in the right mind or capacity to consent to the written agreement?’

An immediate hush was instilled upon the crowd and Seungmin studied the faces of the defendants as their eyes widened in pure shock. He hated the way his heart pounded as one of the Kim Brother’s held his eye and the other had a hushed but heated discussion with his lawyer.

His gaze returned to Lee Minho who seemed to be having trouble answering the question.

‘Yes.’ He managed to push out.

‘Objection!’ He expected it before Lawyer Min said the words. ‘Plaintiff had consumed no alcohol prior to the signing, he cannot have been drunk, your Honour—‘

‘Overruled on grounds of admissibility of evidence.’ The judge dismissed him.

Seungmin could see Yeji and Hongjoong hiding a smile.

‘May the witnesses please take the stand?’ She called.

They had the case in the bag. Seungmin could see it from the look on the judges face. Somehow, it didn’t feel as satisfying as his other wins. He looked away from Lee Minho’s eyes.

When the proceedings were over, they walked out with a specific date for the delegation of the lawsuit. It was good. Mr. Lee could ask for any compensation allowed in the body of law along with a refund of his original donation. His team were all smiles and Yeji was stopped severally — afterall he’d only questioned the defendants and she’d been the one to actually convince the law.

He shook a couple of hands congratulating him and Mr. Lee had been struggling to hold his eye all through but Seungmin wasn’t in a celebratory state so when the business men offered to treat everyone to dinner at some expensive restaurant, he feigned sickness and managed to pass.

That night he returned to his house hollow, feeling like he’d lost himself somewhere along the case.

The day after, pushing past all the congratulations and entering his office, there was a wrap of something on his office desk. Suspiciously, he picked at it to find Ms. Choi’s famed snacks and a note attached to the wrapping.

Seungmin-ah, let me take you dinner tonight.

02-312-3456

L.M

He read over the note again and again, unsure of what to do. He’d been certain his relations with Mr. Lee ended after they won the case but apparently not. He stuffed the paper into his suit pocket and drowned himself in more work.

After, he drove over to Hyunjin’s place for lunch, Ms. Choi’s food clutched tightly in his fingers. His hands were full so he had to knock to be let in. The moment the painter saw him, his eyes lit up.

‘Aw, is that for me?’ Without a second thought, he snatched the food from Seungmin’s hand. ‘I’ve already ordered in but this is a good appetizer. Smells heavenly, too. When did you have the time to drive down to get it? I thought you said you’d come straight here.’

‘I did.’ Seungmin sighed and took off his jacket. ‘I found it on my desk this morning.’

‘Oh?’ Hyunjin paused when the dumplings were a few inches to his mouth. ‘Do you know who left it?’

They settled in the kitchen where Kkami napped at the leg of the table. Seungmin twisted to relieve the crick in his neck.

‘The business man from my latest case. Lee Minho-ssi. He also left a note.’

‘A note?’ The painter’s eyes glimmered, disregarding the food all together. ‘What does it say?’

‘He wants to take me out for dinner tonight.’ His chest felt kind of weird as he voiced it.

Hyunjin jumped happily. ‘Oh, wow! Could the forever grumpy Kim Seungmin finally be making friends of his own.’

The attorney rolled his eyes. ‘No. The forever grumpy Kim Seungmin is going to stay that way. He doesn’t want to be friends.’

The painter either did not hear him or pretended not to because he hurried to Seungmin’s suit jacket lying on the island as if he just knew something was in there. He dug around for a minute before retrieving the note and skimming over it.

Once done, he turned around slowly to stare pointedly at the attorney.

‘Yah, Seungmin-ah.’ He started. ‘I don’t think he wants to be friends either.’

The younger man turned around with a raised brow. ‘What are you saying? Why then would he ask me to dinner.’

‘He’s not asking you as friends, idiot! Read between the lines. He’s asking you on a date!’

Immediately after that was a battle. Seungmin had declared going over his dead body and Hyunjin had called in the attorney’s work to feign sickness in his behalf then he forced him in the car and they drove over to his house to find decent clothes.

After finding and matching something suitable for a July date, Hyunjin sat on Seungmin until he phoned Lee Minho and confirmed the time: 7:30. He’d be picked up so Hyunjin made sure to tell downstairs to buzz the businessman in

At that time, they merely had an hour and a half so the painter set to doing the attorney’s make up and hair before more or less pulling the clothes on his body and locking the door so he couldn’t escape. Seungmin glowered in his seat until Hyunjin opened the door and beamed widely at the businessman who looked entirely different not wearing a suit.

A few minutes later and they were in Mr. Lee’s car and Seungmin could not stop replaying one conversation he’d had with Hyunjin in his head.

‘I can get away with murder, you know?’ He’d said. And then more than ever, he wanted to.

They drove to a restaurant overseeing Hangang River and found a table at the open patio. There weren’t many people inside but Seungmin was grateful they’d chosen a secluded area where they could hear the splashing of the sea on rocks and where the air felt firsthand.

The lights were low and Seungmin squinted to read the menu. But he settled on lambs and Lee Minho got pork chops. A silent bustle came from inside the restaurant and below them and Seungmin did not feel the need to speak.

Lee Minho did.

‘Seungmin-ah—‘ he started, dragging his eyes from the mess of heads below them. ‘Have you come here before?’

Even with the low light, the attorney could catch the unstable smile on Lee Minho’s face. Confusion settled in him. Why would it matter.

‘No.’ He confessed.

‘Ah,’ the man reclined. ‘If you had, then you would know what they say about this restaurant.’

He raised a brow. Intrigued. ‘What do they say?’

Lee Minho looked giddy, as if Seungmin was walking right into a trap. ‘That only lovers come here.’ He said, then a boyish grin. ‘Or people that want to be.’

Even though he’d already ordered and could see the staff bringing their food from his periphery, Kim Seungmin still raised the menu to cover his face and he still tried to drown out Lee Minho’s pleased laugh.

Bastard.

When the food arrived it smelled so lovely, it managed to distract the attorney from the growing redness in his cheeks. He clapped his hands together and thanked whoever was listening for the meal (a habit) and dug in, feeling like he hadn’t eaten in days.

They spoke around the meal. Mr. Lee seemed to be interested in everything and the more they spoke, Seungmin found that he was, as well. The businessman, to his credit, was fascinating enough. Or maybe it was just the way he talked about everything that was not work.

His now three cats and his friend Bang Chan’s dog whom he was currently sitting. The horror bedtime story he’d read to his niece before she could fall asleep and how the growing generation was scary. How he had a childhood friend who was a journalist and who’s show he’d recently aired on, only to have them throw subtle playful jabs at each other because he could hardly stay serious for hours at a time.

Then Seungmin talked about he and Hyunjin’s recent game of bowling where he continued to have streak after streak. And how his mother had asked for the tenth selca of the week posed in front of his office door with his custom initials on it to brag for the hundredth time to her friends. And how he’d been over feeding Kkami and the new case on his hands and how he had to listen to Visions of Gideon by Sufjan Stevens to get through these days.

Lee Minho had exclaimed about how he loved the song as well. Bang Chan recommended it because he was a producer and apparently the synths in it were good for relaxing. And he’d sang it in English with his Korean accent and Seungmin had laughed so hard, he got red in the face then he’d softly sang it and Lee Minho looked at him so adoringly.

‘Wow! Seungmin-ah, your English is really good.’ He’d said with a wide smile.

And Seungmin had blushed for the —he’d lost count— time and mentioned learning it from his uncle who lived in New Zealand all his life and Minho had seemed even brighter (you learned to be fluent by hearing a person talk? Wah, Seungmin-ah! You’re so impressive!) and then he mentioned having to learn basic English to communicate with oversees clients and the then he kept complimenting Seungmin’s English in English as well.

The attorney couldn’t stop smiling. ‘Thank you, Minho-ssi.’

In that moment, the businessman had reached over the table to grab and squeeze his hands and then uttered his next words with just so much sincerity and…something more.

‘Hyung, Min-ah.’ He said. ‘Hyung is fine.’

And the light had taken that moment to flicker and bounce off Minho-hyung’s eyes and Seungmin felt something. There, with his mouth slightly agape, as he stared and took in everything about the man, ruminating the past until that moment.

Lee Minho, Seungmin realized, was stunning. How he hadn’t noticed before eluded him. The sharp jawline, the little brown birthmark on his right cheeks, how high his bones were and how tiny his shining brown eyes got when he smiled. The way his laugh seemed to rumble into Seungmin’s chest.

How he hadn’t noticed that Lee Minho leaned in when he was interested and he gave off an attractive smirk when he was amused — not when he was trying to be condescending — and how his throat bobbed when he spoke and how much smaller his fingers were compared to Seungmin’s. How he seemed to find every little thing the attorney said entertaining and how it took six months for Seungmin to realize that maybe the hatred he felt for him wasn’t exactly that — maybe it was an immediate attraction and sheer want. Maybe that was what he hated.

The the older man, maybe after he’d stared too long, decided it was the best time to squint his eyes and tease him in the tiniest voice. The reverie was broken and Seungmin rolled his eyes, almost wanting to punch him.

But that dinner was nice and the next ones were as well. Even non dinners were nice, even strolling through the park was nice and even when Kim Seungmin had gotten drunk and kissed Lee Minho, that was nice as well.

—

It was hard after that, wasn’t it, Seungmin-ah?

Not only was I your first relationship but I was the first man you’d ever fallen for without even entertaining the thought that you might be gay before me—before us.

It was hard for me, at least. I felt like…I don’t know, I had to prove myself somehow. To not screw up your first impressions on love — because first impressions matter so much to you, don’t they?

I was afraid and even now, Seungmin-ah, I am afraid.

Today, I walked into the living room and it took me thirty whole minutes to recognize you. And I kept asking who you were and the look in your eyes. Seungmin-ah. Even if you’ve said it’s okay, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself. There are many things I can’t forgive myself for.

It’s getting so hard

But I think it’ll be okay. Everything. Us. You came up with a colour coordination that I really like. I don’t know if I’ve told you yet. Red for the really bad day, yellow for the okay ones and green for the best.

It’s been red a lot but I think it’ll be green soon.

Thank you for taking care of me, Seungmin-ah. I know it has probably been the hardest thing for you to do but you’ve never made me feel less of since it started. I’m sorry I dumped this…me on you. Sometimes I wish you would just live, go find somebody who isn’t bound to die before the year runs out but I—

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time to the bliss of our first two years. Sometimes I wish I died then without giving you any awful memories of me. Sometimes I wish I could really remember every detail of those years, you waking up, what we had for breakfast on specific days. I want to remember that it hasn’t always been pain.

Anyway, that not why I’m writing this! I’m writing for happy memories, to remind you that we had those. To remind you that we were, we are, the best relationships out of all of our friends. We’re what Bang Chan and Han Jisung wish they were, baby. We’re what Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix will be in a couple of years. This number one spot will be ours for a long time.

So do you remember?

Do you remember our first kiss? How drunk you were? How you hated that you couldn’t remember it and a few days later, you kissed me again and called it our second first kiss. Do you remember when you first came over and Doongi and Dori loved you but it took Soonie a few days and you had to win him over with lots of snacks — hard to remember when he won’t even let you breathe now.

Do you remember how long it took you to officially let me meet Hyunjin? Five months of dating! Five! I’m not complaining though, I promise. I know that it meant a lot to you. I know that Hyunjin is the closest thing you’ve ever had to family away from home and you wanted everything to be perfect.

That’s how it always is with you. Everything has to be perfect. I love it.

I remember on the sixth month of us dating, when Hwang Yeji found out and said those awful thing — you remember? When she said it’s because you’ve had feeling for me all along that was why you left your morals as a lawyer and forced us all to lie on my case. I think that was the first time I’d ever seen you cry, Seungmin-ah, and I hated it because I didn’t know how much being transparent meant to you, I didn’t know about that oath you’d taken.

Anyway, I think that incident really pushed through the line for us, didn’t it? Because before that I felt like you never really trusted me completely and then three days after, I took you to the improved orphanage and let you talk to some of the kids and you were so happy, Min-ah. You, I don’t know, I think you realized there had to be exceptions.

Seeing you sharing the gifts you’d bought for them solidified it for me. I looked at you, six months into us being together and I was suddenly overwhelmed because all I could think about was us spending the rest of our lives together. All I wanted and needed in that moment was you.

It’s still you.

Meeting you was the best thing the universe ever did for me, Kim Seungmin.

I’m so glad you parents decided to have sex.

Speaking of that, do you remember when we first made love? It took us seven months. And I think, that was the first time I made you cry,

—

‘Yah! Kim Seungmin, stop pacing. Hyung,’ Hyunjin whined, turning to Bang Chan who only eyed him with amusement from the couch. ‘Tell him to stop pacing.’

The older man chuckled and pushed stray curly brunette hair away from his eyes. ‘Seungmin-ah, stay still so Hyunjin can do your make up.’

‘Thank you!’ The now brunette breathed, continuing to dab foundation on the attorney’s chin.

The movement that ceased in his body upon Chan’s introduction continued in his leg. Minho was still at work and probably would be for the next three hours, he knew. But he wanted to make sure everything was ready before then. He wanted to make sure everything was special.

It was the older man’s 26th birthday and he’s originally wanted to spend it cuddled up to his boyfriend all day but an impromptu meeting came up and it was too important to ignore. So with a few kisses, he was out. Good thing, too, since Seungmin had been planning the surprise months before.

To be honest, he’d been thinking about it longer. Seven months. That was how long he’d gone without ‘putting out’ as Hyunjin put it for Minho. And his hyung wasn’t complaining. If anything, the businessman was happy to go at his pace. But Seungmin felt it was a little unfair to keep stalling out of fear.

They’d never really gone father than blow and hand jobs and little heated kisses here and there. And as much as Minho tried to reassure him it was okay, his ears picked up on longer showers, tenser shoulders. He knew his boyfriend was loyal but Seungmin did not want to push him not to be.

So that explained why he wanted everything to be perfect. Because for Minho’s 26th, Seungmin wanted to give him his virginity.

‘Ah, this is so exciting!’ Hyunjin squealed to himself, somehow more invested than the attorney.

Seungmin had mentioned his plan to the painter months before and with Hyunjin’s running mouth and their enlarging friend group, Han Jisung soon heard of it and once he did, his boyfriend Bang Chan was next and once he did, his younger cousin Lee Felix was next and then Felix’s best friend and Hyunjin’s boyfriend Yang Jeongin. (Thinking back to it, it’s sort of weird that as soon as he started dating Lee Minho, he attracted more gay than straight friends).

‘Seungmin, my man, relax.’ Han Jisung said in English as he shoved a handful of Seungmin’s Cheetos into his mouth. ‘Trust me, you’re going to call us tomorrow and ask why you didn’t do this sooner.’

Seungmin doubted it but the reassurance did slow the bounce in his leg. He was beyond nervous. Jeongin and Felix hadn’t yet returned with the cake and he wasn’t sure if it’d actually be as good as all his friends said because prepping himself alone had hurt and it was no secret that Lee Minho was hung — sometimes when he came into the room naked from the shower, Seungmin couldn’t keep his eyes away — and if two fingers were painful, then…

Still, he managed to swallow half of his necks by the time the strawberry cake arrived with the duo beaming and looking like proud parents (to be fair, everyone did and Seungmin didn’t know how to feel about Yang Jeongin, the twenty one year old, having more sexual experience then him) but that was nothing new.

Three hours came like a breeze.

Hyunjin had managed to make light make up look seductive and he’d dressed Seungmin in a sequin shirt, tight leather pants and a black choker. Chan had said something about them wanting to kill Minho when he returned downstairs and they’d showered him with so many compliments, Seungmin felt like dying first.

But Seungmin had texted Minho to come straight to his after work to eat cake and cuddle and the lights were killed and when Minho had pushed open the door, taking off his shoes and announcing his arrival, they’d all jumped out and shouted surprise.

It was cliche, Seungmin knew, but his hyung loved cliche and when he saw the sheen in the older man’s eyes, he knew they were off to a great start.

Even with all of the laughter into the night and the cake and the congratulations and the gifts, Seungmin noticed that Minho couldn’t keep his eyes off him — and maybe the other did too because they barely spent three hours before Hyunjin declared they all had to go (suspiciously at the same time but no one said anything of it).

The second they said their last goodbye and the door clicked shut, Seungmin was pressed against the nearest wall and his senses were just attacked with Minho. He struggled to breathe.

Minho, it seemed, just wanted to be close. With how his hands roamed, it felt like he just wanted to hold Seungmin, to make sure he was real, he was there.

‘Hyung,’ he whispered. ‘Hyung, I—‘

The businessman’s gaze clicked over to his and there was something intoxicating about the way he looked at Seungmin.

‘Min-ah.’ He groaned, fingers finding the younger man’s hair. ‘This is so unfair. You can’t just…’

Seungmin swallowed thickly as Minho stepped back to rake his eyes over him, another groan ripping from his throat. His hands shook as he struggled with the right words and berated himself.

Just say it!

‘Hyung, you—‘ he started. ‘Did you notice I didn’t…I — my gift wasn’t on the table, hyung. Did you notice?’

Minho looked up at him with furrowed brows.

‘It’s me.’ He continued. ‘Your gift is me.’ Then smaller. ‘Please take care of me.’

The older man stood unmoving for a beat too long. Seungmin began to sweat.

‘Seungmin.’ His hyung’s voice sounded rough. ‘Are you sure? You don’t have to do this because you think you have to. Because it’s my birthday.’

‘I want to.’ The attorney breathed. ‘I want you.’

Even with his stuttering heart, Seungmin knew it was the truth. If there was anyone he wanted to share that special moment with, it was Lee Minho who cared about him and took everything slow just like he wanted and made sure Seungmin knew he was loved.

The businessman seemed almost as nervous as he was when he stepped forward and pressed a deep kiss on Seungmin’s lips. Then he pulled away and stared at his face with such intensity for a moment before he grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.

‘Ah.’ Minho chuckled once he saw the rose petals spread into a heart on the white sheets.

Seungmin turned scarlet and looked away.

Minho was slow and deliberate. First he took off his tie and suit jacket then he unbuttoned the first three on his shirt. Seungmin’s fingers travelled to the itchy sequin.

‘Should I…?’

Calloused hands pressed against his own and stopped them.

‘Hyung will do that for you.’

The attorney felt a shaking in his throat and somewhere else as Minho made sure to hold eye contact when he dropped to his knees and unzipped the leather pants. Seungmin watched with trembling hands as the man pulled the material off his skin slowly, shuddering as the cold AC rushed to attack him.

A soft kiss was pressed to the milky flesh of his thigh.

‘Hyung.’ He breathed.

‘You’re so beautiful, Seungmin-ah.’ Minho muttered against his skin.

He muttered it so sincerely, Seungmin felt his chest squeeze.

Another kiss and then a trail of them traveling upwards.

‘Tell me to stop.’ Minho muttered. ‘Anytime, Min-ah.’

He could feel himself stumbling as Minho pulled the sequin off his skin leaving him in black boxers. Insecurity flooded him like a river; it was his first time being so vulnerable to his boyfriend and Seungmin couldn’t help but worry last minute if Minho would even be attracted to him.

‘God.’ The older man shuddered as he took him in. ‘You can’t be real, Seungmin.’

His face felt hot and it grew even hotter as Minho hoisted him, large hands cupping his ass. Seungmin buried his face in the crook of the older man’s neck and a soft chuckle thrummed through the businessman.

A few seconds later, he felt the soft sinking of the mattress below him and he was hit with a sudden panic of wow this is happening. But the fear was quickly swallowed by Minho hovering over him, taking advantage of Seungmin’s reverie to strip down to his boxers as well.

With hands on either side of the attorney’s head, Minho leaned so close, Seungmin was afraid he’d hear his pounding heart beat. Instead, his lips traveled to the space below his ears where he pressed a soft kiss and then to the crook of his neck and shoulders and to his blades.

Seungmin shivered sensitively.

Minho’s lips kept traveling, slowly, until they pressed a trail of kisses around Seungmin’s perky pink nipples.

‘Hyung.’ He gasped when the older man’s warm mouth finally enveloped it.

Minho groaned and Seungmin felt it in him. ‘So unfair.’ He muttered. ‘You can’t just say my name like that.’

A sound he could not recognize left him when Minho pressed against him all of a sudden, the hardness in his boxers pressed against Seungmin’s.

‘Min-ah.’ He grunted. ‘This is what you do to me.’

Seungmin felt himself twitch and the man above him must’ve felt it too because he immediately captured his lips and rolled his hips slowly. The younger man moaned into the kiss and his hands travelled to grab a fistful of hair and push them impossibly closer.

His hardness pressed into the cotton of his boxers and leaked enough that it was impossibly slick when Minho ground down. Breathy sounds that just seemed to make the older man go impossibly left him.

‘Min-Minho…’ his fingers travelled and tugged at the older man’s boxers.

‘Off?’ Minho whispered. He nodded.

The friction disappeared as the man rose and took off both their boxers but when he returned, hot and wet, skin to skin, Seungmin thought he might go crazy.

‘Ah.’ His breath caught when Minho rotated and went up and down.

They were both so wet already, precum spewing in massive amount and Seungmin could hardly keep his eyes open because it felt so good. Even better when Minho’s hands traveled to the thickness of his girth and thumbed the slit.

‘O-oh.’ He gasped and arched, chest flying up and down painfully slowly.

‘Look at you, angel.’ Minho breathed. ‘You’re beautiful every second but god, you’re breathtaking like this.’ His hands moved up and down gradually and his mouth found every un-kissed corner to attack.

‘Hyungie…’ Seungmin shuddered, eyes closing, teeth worrying his lower lip.

Minho’s hands picked up the pace and his head dipped deeper into the bed. ‘Min-ah, can you spread for me? Spread for hyung to make you feel good.’

Without thinking, he opened his legs wider and Minho leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from the bedside table which he squirted on his palm.

‘Tried to ready myself for you. It hurt.’ He grumbled as a warning.

‘Yeah? You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh? Did you make sure you were nice and wet? Were your fingers slick enough?’

‘Hyung-ah.’ He whined, covering his crimson face.

A soft chuckle elicited from his boyfriend who squirted an added generous amount. ‘It’s okay, jagiya. I won’t hurt you.’

And if the coat of red in his ears were anything to go by, Seungmin believed him.

When Minho stuck the first slender finger in, it’s stung but his hands were silken enough that Seungmin was able to adjust and then he stuck the second began to push in and out slowly. The younger man felt a shortness in breath once the businessman gradually picked up the pace. A warm feeling erupted in his lower stomach and he gasped out his name slowly.

A few seconds more of scissoring and the attorney felt ready for him.

Minho pushed in slowly, stopping at every gasp, every arch. The younger man had been unsure of taking his length and girth at first but once Minho pushed all the way in and waited for him to adjust, only mere minutes passed before he was sure he would explode if the older man didn’t move.

In and out. Seungmin could feel Minho’s love with every thrust and maybe it was the soft kisses, how good it felt or maybe just because it was his first time because tears stung his eyes and were quickly pushed out by the others in succession.

And his hyung kissed every single one of them away with assurances of how beautiful he was and how lucky he was. Kim Seungmin had never felt more beautiful and more loved.

So he said it then, when it was just the two of them, sweaty, needy. When Minho had cried out in a burst of pleasure.

He wrapped his hands around Minho and threw their bodies together and he kissed him deeply and declared:

‘I love you, hyung.’

It didn’t take Minho ten seconds to say it back.

—

Today, I forgot how to say the word cup.

Three letters, Min-ah. You were waving the wine glass and I was scared it’d spill on your white carpet and I wanted to say,

‘Yah! Seungmin-ah, pour that in a cup.’

And I knew that was what I wanted to say. I knew what a cup was. But I couldn’t say it, jagiya. I was pathetic, wasn’t I? Flailing my arms about, wetting my shirt with tears when I kept gesturing but the words never came.

You were so patient with me and I don’t know why I hated it. I should be able to say the word cup, I should be able to wake up and move my limbs, I should be to be conscious more than five hours at a time.

Everything hurts. My hair is gone. There is something growing in my brains. My skull feels like there’s bricks constantly attacking it. My throat is rough from continuous vomiting.

And I had to reread this a couple of times before I could remember what it was for.

I hate myself, Min-ah. I know you say I’m still the most beautiful person but I don’t feel that way. I hate this I hate thisihwatwwthjs

I’m so tired. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. At this point, death has to be better.

Nae sarang. I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t want to tell you this but…I don’t think I can do this anymore. My biggest fear has always been hurting you or letting you down but please, let me be selfish just this once.

I’ve been planning to tell you for weeks but everytime you smile at me, I forget. How? How do I tell you, Min? How did I look you in your hopeful eyes whenever the doctor says it’s getting better even though I know I feel worse. How do I stop you when you’re ranting and making plans about a future I’m not sure I’ll have with you?

How do I look at you, yeobo, and say I want to stop the chemotherapy.

—

The first seizure happened during dinner a few days after New Year.

They’d recently returned from Busan on a trip to spend the first days with Seungmin’s parents and Minho had organized dinner at his house for all their friends.

Bang Chan and Hwang Hyunjin arrived first, both with bottle wine. Then Lee Felix and immediately after Han Jisung. They were about to pour the wine when Yang Jeongin hurdled in, fashionably late, a bright smile, and a bag full of snacks.

To be honest, maybe Seungmin should have expected it — which is not to say he was an expert on seizures but the signs were neon red and they kept blinking but he never noticed.

His hyung had zoned out three times in the span of two hours. Perhaps he was stressed, Seungmin reassured himself. He would soon have to go into work and maybe the thought was tiring him out.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Always speculating. He should’ve asked. They’d been together for more than two years at that point and good boyfriends didn’t speculate when their significant other seemed out of it.

That would explain it, though. Because Seungmin was hardly a decent boyfriend to talk more of a good one.

Hyung, are you okay? Do you want to go inside and talk? Are you tired? Do you want to sleep? How can I help? Hyung, please don’t leave me. I need you. Please don’t be hurt. Don’t be sick. Have I said I love you this week? Hyung, I want to hold you forever. I can’t do this without you!

All the words he wanted to say, all the words he should’ve said. Maybe if he’d said something, everything would’ve turned out differently. But he didn’t.

‘Hyung, can you pass the remote.’ He’d foolishly said instead.

Minho looked out of it. ‘Hm? Oh, sure, Min-ah.’

It was on the glass table in front of him and it shouldn’t have taken that long to just grab it. Still, Seungmin waited patiently, brows knit tightly as he watched Minho stand.

With that same expression, he watched Minho fall.

A chorus of shocked exclamations resounded around him and Seungmin couldn’t even feel his legs when he rushed over to him and slumped on his knees. His hands hurried to capture him but they were quickly pushed away by Bang Chan.

‘Space!’ Chan shouted, eyes fixed on Minho who’d began to spasm.

Seungmin hadn’t registered his words yet, still trying to inch closer and get her the older man in his hands. And other worried faces pushed into him past his, desperate to see that the older man was alright.

‘Give me space!’ The producer shouted, startling them all. ‘Move!’

The attorney felt a hand dragging him back towards the couch. Everything felt wobbly, like there was water in his ear. Why was Minho shaking so violently like that? His eyes travelled to Bang Chan and noticed he’d run a timer on his phone.

‘Yah, Minho, can you hear me? I’m going to move you on to your side now, okay? So you can breathe properly.’ His touch was light on Minho’s waist, Seungmin noticed. ‘Han-ah, pass me those three cushions. Hyunjin, Felix, try to push the glass table away.’

Everyone jumped as if they’d been awaiting instructions their entire life. The attorney was glad he wasn’t assigned any work, he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to pull it off with the way his eyes stayed fixated on the man he loved, trembling heavily on the floor as they hoisted him to his side.

‘It’ll be okay.’ Chan kept saying, eyes shifting from the timer on his phone that read three minutes and two seconds to Minho. ‘Han-ah, help me move him on the cushions.. Yeah, hold him there, not too tight. Okay, one, two, three, perfect. Minho-yah, this is better, yes? If you can hear me, I need you to relax, okay? It’ll pass soon.’

Seungmin’s eyes traveled to the timer that read five minutes and a few seconds then his stare fixated on Chan who reciprocated his worry. There was something in his eyes when he turned to Jeongin.

‘Innie.’ He said. ‘Call 119.’

If Seungmin hadn’t panicked before then, he began to. The youngest had to hold him to stop his flailing and wailing. It didn’t help that Minho had gotten even worse. The ambulance took their sweet time getting there (three minutes) and when they loaded him into the van, Seungmin couldn’t help but he hit with a sinking feeling that he would never see his boyfriend again.

If only he knew how right he’d been.

Leaving the doctor’s office and knowing that seizure was the first of many scared him. Holding Minho’s hand under the table a month later as he told their friends about the stage four tumour that had found a home in his brain completely broke him.

The days were painful. As it progressed, all Seungmin could do was sit back and watch his boyfriend lose more and more of himself. The doctor always assured them it was getting better and with more chemo, his expectancy would probably be stretched by a few minute.

But the look in Minho’s eyes whenever the words were spoken, the wince when chemo was mentioned, it all couldn’t help but feel like a lie.

At first he tried to be supportive. He was there for every therapy. His fingers were woven in the businessman’s when they shaved his hair off. He offered a comforting hand when Minho had thrown up for the what time. He’d whisper words of affirmation because he knew the ones that bounced around Minho’s head when he stared at the mirror were the exact opposite.

He’d made up a colour system for the days when the older man had the mental capacity of a preschooler. And he turned him on his side for every seizure and he made sure they still had movie nights with the rest of the guys even though they could barely keep their worried gazes off him. He made sure they still had dinner dates even if it was in-house and he still came home to rant about something Hwang Yeji did or maybe just rave about the case they’d won.

He’d made sure to keep his crying at a minimum and even then either to Hyunjin or out of earshot.

To be honest, Seungmin had no idea what to do or even if what he was doing was good enough and he was scared. Their parents had come over a couple times and each moment their eyes met his, he knew they said the same thing, he could see the pity. He hated it.

Minho had gotten skinnier. Maybe it was the cells eating at him or maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t stomach any food.

He’d gotten thinner and one day Seungmin had come home to all the reflective glasses shattered with his boyfriend staring into the void in the middle of the room. The attorney had said nothing, cleared the surrounding area, put a timer on his phone and made him comfortable for another seizure.

There were good days, however rare. And those were the only days that gave him hope, that made him think maybe it’d all be okay, maybe the universe would be on their side once again.

And it was on one of those particularly good days that everything had crumbled before him.

The older man was jittery when he declared he had something he wanted to discuss. And Seungmin was suspicious when he sat down. They were at Minho’s, as they’d been half of the almost three years of being together, and Seungmin could hear the zooming of vehicles behind them as they lay on the bed next to the large open window. In the absolute darkness, it felt like just them.

It was quiet for a while. Except for the rapid beating of Minho’s heart. His fingers rubbed butterfly’s on the man’s cold skin.

‘Hyungie,’ he whispered, shifting so his head was craned upwards. ‘Have you ever thought about having children?’

A sharp breath was his response. ‘Min-ah…’

‘I know, not now. I’m not asking immediately, of course. When everything gets better. Have you ever thought about buying one of those real family homes with the curved roof and having garden at the backyard where they can play?’ He sighed in content, returning his head to the pillow placed on Minho’s arm as he threw his hands around him, struggling to get closer.

‘I think about it a lot, hyung.’ He confessed. ‘I don’t know, maybe one from the orphanage. We could give them a real home.’

‘Aegiya…’ Minho sounded pained. ‘I—that sounds wonderful. I’d really…that’s something I’d like.’

‘Hm.’ Seungmin smiled and snuggled closer. ‘You’d make a great father, you know? Though you’ll probably spoil them too much.’

‘Yah, me?’ The older man managed a weak hit. ‘As if you aren’t the one who likes to give unwarranted gifts.’

The attorney shook with laughter in his arms. ‘Unwarranted? Hyung, I only give you gifts when you deserve it.’

‘Ah? And what could I have done to deserve flowers everyday this past week?’

‘Exist.’ The younger man smiled into his shoulder. ‘You exist, Min-hyung.’

A silence almost as heavy as the feeling in Minho’s chest descended upon them. Minho curled his hands so Seungmin’s body was pushed even more on top him and he pressed a long kiss to his wet lips that the younger man melted into.

‘I truly love you, Seungmin-ah.’

Normally there’d be a jab. (You better after three years, hyungie. Or, you didn’t truly love me before?) but this time there was nothing but a reciprocation.

‘I love you, too, hyung.’ He muttered, then teasing. ‘Even if you’ll be an overbearing father.’

The older man laughed. ‘At least it’s better than being an overbearing husband.’

Seungmin stilled, his hands coming to a stop at the curve of the butterfly’s left wing. ‘Husband?’ His voice trembled.

Even in the darkness, he knew that Minho had turned to him, could feel his breath fanning the side of his face.

‘Husband. Before we start a family, we’d have to have gotten married first, right?’

‘Ah,’ his breath stuttered. ‘Right. Right, hyung! And then we’d have our honeymoon in Italy. I saw it on the episode of that kdrama Hannie likes to watch, it’s beautiful.’

Minho’s heart beat picked up rapidly, Seungmin could hear it from being pressed to his chest sighed, happy to know he wasn’t the only one who wanted matrimony badly.

‘Do you think we can trust Chan hyung to take care of Soonie, Doongi and Dori?’

The businessman didn’t even think for more than two seconds. ‘No.’

Seungmin couldn’t control his laughter. ‘I remember that time you were babysitting Berry and he forgot and he was sure she’d escaped and then he printed missing posters.’

‘He’s an idiot.’ Minho agreed as he shifted to feel more comfortable.

They settled into a silence only broken by the occasional honk or rev of a vehicle from the open window. In that moment, Seungmin was the happiest he’d been for a while.

‘Ah.’ The older man sighed. ‘I wish I could give you that, Min-ah.’

‘Hm?’ The younger man questioned. ‘Give me what?’

‘I don’t know: longevity, a future. I wish I could give you more late night talks and a wedding and a honeymoon in Italy. I wish I could give you the joy of adopting our first child together.’

The younger man sat up slowly. ‘Yah, what do you mean, hyung-ah. Of course you can. You will!’

‘Min…’ the attorney hated how heavy his boyfriend’s voice sounded, as if he knew something and had come to terms with it a long time ago. ‘You know I can’t. You know we’re not promise next week or even tomorrow.’

‘No, don’t say that, hyung.’ Seungmin rose quickly. ‘You sound like you’re giving up.’

‘I am giving up!’ Minho’s voice cracked at the end, just like Seungmin’s heart. ‘Min-ah, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep living like this.’

‘Yes, you can!’ The attorney’s voice increased as he jumped down from the bed and hurried to turn on the lights. ‘You can live like this, hyung because it will get better.’

‘Yah! Seungmin-ah, can’t you see it’s progressively getting worse? Can you see I’m getting worse?’

‘There’s always a rain before a rainbow, hyungie! Don’t you remember? You’re the one that told me these words. We just need to keep trying! We need to have hope.’

‘In what!?’ The businessman’s voice finally rose. ‘In the doctors? Min, can’t you see they’ve given up? We should, too!’

The younger man paced heavily, hands shaking before he stopped at the foot of the bed and looked down at the frail form of his lover who’d sat up to look at him. A sinking feeling troubled the pit of his stomach.

‘So what, Minho? What do you want to do? Just wait and wither away?’

‘I want to stop the chemotherapy, jagiya.’

Those were the only words needed to shatter Seungmin’s world. He felt a stuttering breath leave him as he stumbled hit his shin on the leg of the bed. He could barely feel the pain. He could barely feel anything but a harsh thumping in his throat and a ringing in his ear.

His eyes, stung with tears, fixed on Lee Minho’s and past the worry, he could see a resolve with the way his fist was clenched on the sheets.

‘Min…’ the older man started.

He swallowed a sob. ‘Hyung. How can you say that?’

‘Seungmin, please listen to me—‘

‘No! No, you listen to me.’ He gasped for air. ‘How can you sit there and abandon all our hopes and dreams. How can you break every single promise you’ve made to me in a breath.’

‘Nae sarang—‘

‘Don’t call me that! Don’t you dare call me that. You don’t hurt the people you love.’

A convulsive gasped rocked from his chest and he clutched at his shirt. Through his blurry eyes, he could see the wet lines on Minho’s cheeks and he hated that he wanted to reach over and wipe it clean, to kiss him and say everything would be okay.

‘I can’t do this anymore, Min-ah.’

‘And you think I can?’ He finally exploded. ‘Do you think this has been easy for me? Watching you die bit by bit while I can only hold you in my arms and promise everything will be okay. Do you think it doesn’t kill me every single day to sit and watch you suffer!?’

A hole deepened in the space between Minho’s  collarbones as he ran his hands down his face and breathed deeply.

‘Min — jagi, please. I just need your support. I can’t do this without you. I know this is selfish…’

‘You’re right.’ Seungmin deadpanned, standing suddenly and wiping tears from his face. ‘It is selfish. So fuck you for even asking this of me, Minho!’

He rushed around the room to grab his phone and car keys.

‘Min, where are you going?’ He struggled to sit up in a panic. ‘Yah, Seungmin-ah! Don’t leave , please. Kim Seungmin—‘

Overwhelmed, Seungmin stopped at the door.

‘You know, I wish I’d never met you.’ He screamed, ignoring the crestfallen look on the older man’s face as he was enveloped with sad rage. ‘Fuck you, Lee Minho!’

His heart was pounding and his eyes were blurry as he hurried out of the house, into the elevator and his car. He sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, trying to collect himself before he dialed the number.

‘Hello?’ Bang Chan answered sleepily on the third ring.

‘Hyung.’ Seungmin struggled to stabilize his voice. ‘Please come be with Minho. I don’t want him to be alone.’

The drive to Hyunjin’s house was the most excruciating thing he’d done in his life. After he was urs Chan would be available to take care of his boyfriend, he hurried to his best friends. It was almost twelve in the morning when Hyunjin opened the door and as soon as he did, Seungmin fell into his arms with a sob.

The following two days were hell.

Minho hadn’t reached out and neither had he even though he missed the older man with every bone in his body: everytime he thought about him, a flaming pain built and he was left a sobbing mess once again.

Hyunjin had tried to comfort him and tried to make him see reason with Minho at the same time — if Seungmin wasn’t too tired to fight, he knew he would’ve with the older boy.

But he was drained and he was afraid. He could barely function those two days without the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. So when the call came, Seungmin was sure he was going to die.

‘Seungmin!’ Chan’s voice sounded frantic. ‘It’s Minho. He’s in the hospital.’

The ten minutes he spent in Hyunjin’s front seat as they hurried over was one of the worst moments of his and the worried and sympathetic gazes their friends offered him when he arrived with his hair in disarray, heavy bags under his bloodshot eyes, only fueled the anguish.

It took them seven hours to stabilize Minho. All of those seven hours Seungmin spent rooted to the hospital seat like many times before, overused tears pouring and pouring until he felt like he could cry no longer, heart in his throat when the doctor had mentioned something about a fifty fifty chance to Chan.

He can’t go yet. Not like this. Please, God, don’t let him go like this. The words kept bouncing around his head like his feet did on the ground. He couldn’t even feel when Hyunjin had embraced him in a hug.

When the doctor had said he was awake, Seungmin had felt the kind of cartoonish relieve that was accentuated by white lights shining from the heavens and it took more than three of them to restrain him long enough to hear what the doctor had to say.

Lee Minho was hooked to almost a thousand wires and he had a few sticking out of his nose. His eyes were rimmed red, his cheeks were sunken and his jaw jutted out.

Seungmin still thought he was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

‘Hyung—‘ he sobbed as he rushed over to hold the man’s hand.

Even with the evident weariness tearing at his bones, Lee Minho managed to offer a small smile and squeeze his hands.

‘Min-ah.’ He muttered weakly.

‘Hyungie, I’m sorry!’ He cried out anxiously. ‘I didn’t mean it. I swear, I didn’t mean a single word. I could never regret loving you and I—‘

‘It’s…Seungmin-ah, it’s okay.’ His hyung let out a dry wheeze sand his head snapped up in concern.

‘Do you need water?’ His voice shook. ‘Tell me, Minho, tell me what you need.’

‘You.’ The man didn’t waste a second. ‘I only need you, jagiya.’

Seungmin nodded and pressed a chaste kiss to Minho’s cold knuckles. A promise. He wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what.

The other boys took that time to come in and fuss over his hyung. They tried not to make it a big deal. Well, Chan sat quietly with a meaningful look in his eyes has the other cracked jokes and tried to make Minho laugh again. They stayed long enough that a hospital staff had to come get them out not only because elf their noise but because visiting hours were over.

As they each hugged Minho and Seungmin and left, Chan’s arms wrapped around the businessman the longest and there were tears in his eyes when they parted.

He turned to the attorney and nodded solemnly. ‘Thank you, Seungmin-ah.’

A little confused, the younger man nodded back.

Once they’d all filtered out, Seungmin joined his hyung on the bed, this time spooning the older man who only smiled in content.

‘You smell like medicine, hyung.’ Seungmin poked him slightly, tone light, struggling to forego the silence.

‘And you smell like tears, Seungmin-ah. Ugly tears. The ones were your face twists and you go, “hyungie! stop being hurt okay?”’

‘Wow.’ The attorney gasped. ‘Wow. Blame me for caring about you.’

‘Yes, Seungmin, it is all your fault.’

A light shove rewarded him and he laughed softly. Then he hummed gently after that, shuffling closer to the attorney.

‘How do you feel, hyung?’ Seungmin asked after a beat of comfortable silence.

‘Happy.’ Minho said after a few seconds. ‘Hyung is happy, Seungmin-ah.’

‘Here? In this smelly hospital?’

‘Mm. Here in this smelly hospital with you. Hyung will be be happy anywhere with you.’

A lump formed in the younger man’s throat that he struggled to swallow down as his fingers drew butterfly’s on Minho’s shoulder blade.

‘Maybe it’s because hyung loves me.’ He said thickly. ‘And I love hyung, too.’

Minho nodded slowly, his breathing becoming shallow. Seungmin’s eyes travelled to the heart monitor and his chest felt even heavier.

‘Sing for me, jagiya.’ The older man’s words were slurred. ‘I want to go to sleep.’

A sob threatened to spill from his throat but he choked it back, squeezing the man softly.

‘What do you want me to sing, hyung?’

‘Your favourite—‘ Minho muttered, almost unintelligibly. ‘your favourite song.’

The younger boy’s glassy eyes faced the ceiling as he bit down on his lips hard to stop any sounds from coming out.

‘I have loved you for the last time…’ he started, squeezing his eyes shut when Minho physically relaxed.

He could barely hear the shallow breathing by the time he got to the chorus but he could feel a squeeze in his fingers from the boy in his arms and that was really all he needed.

I love you, jagiya. That was what the touch meant.

‘I have touched you for the last time.’ He sobbed, voice cracking.

I love you, too, hyung.

—

Yah, jagiya! How many days has been?

Or weeks. Or months.

I wonder how long it took for Chan to give you this? I wonder how long it took for you to read it.

Ah, it’s okay. No matter when you do, I won’t be mad. Even if you don’t, I’ll still love you all the same.

This is my last letter to you. I’m writing this a few hours after our fight. I finally had the courage to tell you and as expected you didn’t take it well. (This isn’t a jab, I promise. I guess in a way, it just shows how much you truly love).

Bang Chan is here as I’m writing this out — sorry for not typing, I wanted to be more traditional. He’s crying. Aish, why is everyone always crying these days? I’m crying, he’s crying, you were crying.

I’m sorry for hurting you, Min-ah. I want you to know I didn’t mean to. I love you and you’re right, I’m not supposed to hurt the ones I love but I just…

Ah, forget it! This was supposed to be a thank you note. An I love you note. An I hope the rest of your life is filled with nothing but happiness note. An I hope you can forget me note.

I’m sorry I put you through so much, nae sarang. And this is a decision for me as much as it is for you. You don’t deserve to spend half of your life caring for someone who is bound for death anyway.

I don’t want you to be sad for too long, okay? And I don’t want you to be alone either. I’ll make Chan take leave off from work for you whenever it happens. I’ll make him and Hyunjin stay with you. I’ll make all of them stay with you every waking moment. You’ll never be alone, jagi, and you’ll hate every second of it but it’ll be for the best.

Ah, what else is there to say?

Is hard basically writing my goodbye letter. I’m scared there are things I might forget. Things you might hate me for not saying.

I love you. But you already know that.

You’ve given me the best twenty nine years on earth. You’ve  made every single day worth it. I will love you forever, aegiya.

I wish I had done every single thing on earth with you.

But I will return. I will find you. Love you. Marry you. And live without shame.

I know dying is hard. But living for somebody must be even worse so I hate myself for saying this but live for me, Min. Live happily, love fully. There are many more lifetimes in front of us, jagi, so I need you to let me go in this one. 

There are many more, lifetimes in front of us, jagi; and I have not loved you for the last time, Seungmin-ah. I refuse. I know this may be cheesy (but you secretly like that, don’t lie) and I know we’ll have to say goodbye soon but Min, you had me at hello.

P.S,

Look in the guest room drawer.

—

It took two weeks.

To the end, his hyung had been right. When Chan had handed him the stack of papers two days after the funeral, he couldn’t bear the sight of it. Somehow, a gnawing thought, it felt like if he saw the contents, it would solidify the fact that Minho was gone.

So he kept it, far away.

And he struggled to find a semblance of normalcy. He’d gotten too long a time off of work and even though the boys were with him every second, too much idle time felt like agonizing death. So he ransacked the entire house just to arrange it back again.

On one such days, when he’d gone on his spiral again, he found it. The tiny box in the guest room drawer. It was ruby, his favourite gem. More tears rushed to his eyes.

He’d accused Minho of only seeing him as a temporary thing when the older man had been planning permanence for so long. Maybe it was the anger; at himself, at the universe. But he soon clutched the wad of papers tightly in his hand, staring at the clipped pictures attached of numerous memories.

It hurt. Everything. But if he hadn’t done it then, he never would’ve gotten to it. So with a new resolve, he smoothed put the paper and breathed deeply.

Lee Minho’s familiar handwriting greeted him.

‘By the time you read this, I’ll be dead.’