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He was sitting on his own. He was more often on his own these days. Not that she was spying on him or anything, honest! But Ginny couldn’t help it. Even now, she was just so… aware… of Harry.
The library was fast emptying and those students who remained were packing up bags and putting away books. The feast would be starting soon. But Harry made no move to leave. Ginny watched him, pretending not to watch him, as she replaced a book on the shelf. He was sitting at a reading table over by the window, a blustering downpour visible in the darkening patch of sky behind him. The castle had been so chilly, most people were as far from the windows as they could get, and some had even taken to wearing their cloaks and scarves and dragonhide gloves inside. But Harry had chosen what was probably the draftiest table. Ginny wondered if it was just one more barricade erected to keep others away.
But surely, she could go and just say hi. See how he was doing. There was nothing untoward in that. He was her friend, wasn’t he? And there was something… lonely... about him, sitting there by himself.
Their shared summer at Grimmauld Place had been a pleasant surprise. Hermione had been right. Once she had started going out with Michael, she had found herself finally able to be calm and natural around Harry.
Well… calmer, anyway, she thought as she tripped over absolutely nothing on her way across the reading room heading in his direction. Thank Merlin he didn’t notice. He was too busy staring out the window at the rain streaking down the glass. A roll of parchment, a quill, and copies of Magical Herbs and Fungi and Intermediate Potion Making were all lying forgotten on the table before him.
“Hey.” She greeted him softly, but he still jumped and whipped around. “How’s it going?”
“Oh. Hey, Ginny.” His tone was rather disinterested. She tried not to let it crush her. It was nothing. He was just distracted. He had a lot on his plate. “Alright. You?”
“Alright.” Ginny glanced around, feeling suddenly awkward. Maybe she should have taken the time to think of something clever and witty to say before coming over here. “Are Ron and Hermione not with you?”
Harry shrugged. “Left them back in the common room. They were bickering as usual, and I wanted a little time alone.” He had turned back and was looking darkly out the window again.
Heat flooded to Ginny’s ears. What an idiot she was. Of course, he didn’t want her around. Everything in his posture had said he didn’t want to be talk to anybody, and yet she’d come barging over anyway. “Oh…” she stammered. “Sorry. Of course. I’ll leave you in peace.” She hastened to turn away, hoisting her bag higher up her shoulder.
“What?” Harry blinked as he looked back around at her. “Oh! No! I didn’t mean it like that.” He smiled at her. It was a brotherly sort of smile, but it was kind. “You don’t count.”
Ginny felt her face warm even further as she stood there awkwardly trying to decide if not counting was a good thing or a bad thing. She hoped the blush wasn’t too noticeable in the dim light.
“I had a really good time with the DA the other night,” she said after a silence that felt like an eternity but was probably just a few seconds.
Suddenly, Harry’s back looked a little straighter, his chin a little higher. “Me too,” he replied grinning. “It feels really good to be… you know… doing something.” Harry ran one hand across the back of the other and Ginny caught the briefest glance of something there—a scar perhaps. But before she could look properly, he’d removed his hands from the table and they were out of her line of sight.
“Definitely,” Ginny agreed. “I can’t wait for the next meeting.” They’d only managed a couple sessions so far, but they’d been really good. Even if she’d had to watch that Cho Chang girl batting her eyelashes at Harry through them all. And, of course, Harry blushed every time she did it. He tried not to look at Cho too much, but Ginny saw him gazing at her with longing whenever he thought no one was looking. Ginny supposed it was just a matter of time before the pair of them started going out.
But otherwise, the DA meetings were great. Harry truly was incredible at this defence stuff. And it gave her a chance to spend a little more time with Michael—something that was tricky what with them being in separate Houses.
“Same,” Harry was saying. “But I think it’s going to have to wait until after the first Quidditch match next week. Angelina has us out on the pitch almost every night, lately.”
“Well, to hear Fred and George tell it, sounds like Ron needs to get in all the practice time he can.” Ginny rolled her eyes, a small mocking smile on her lips.
A small snort escaped Harry before he wiped the smirk off his face. “Nah, he’ll do fine,” he said loyally. “He’s actually really good when he’s on form. He’s just too much in his own head. Gets nervous.” Ginny’s smile changed from mocking to affectionate. Harry was such a faithful friend. He would never actually admit it if Ron was rubbish. “Mind you…” Harry continued, glancing back out the window. “We none of us are looking forward to playing in this weather.”
“Just think of it as a game of water polo instead of Quidditch,” said Ginny bracingly. And Harry laughed. The sound made her heart flutter. Had he ever laughed at her jokes before? She found herself wondering if Cho Chang made Harry laugh. She hoped so. Harry needed someone who made him laugh.
Ginny licked her lips. “Anyway…” she said. She had to get that thought right out of her head. Harry didn’t think of her that way. She was just his best friend’s little sister. And in any case, she was with Michael. “I was just saying hi. I’m on my way down to the Halloween feast. Want to walk with me?”
“Oh,” Harry glanced around at the nearly empty library, then to the exit. “Actually, thought I might skip it this year.”
“What? Why?” Ginny plopped herself down in the chair opposite him, leaning her elbows on the table as she looked at him. “You’ve got to come. It’ll be fun. Halloween’s one of my favourite holidays!”
Harry shifted in his chair. “I dunno… I’ve got this essay to finish for Snape. And I’m not really in the festive spirit. Seems like nothing good ever comes from Halloween when I’m around. Reckon I’d be doing everyone a favour if I just stayed well shot of it this year.”
It was then that Ginny winced internally. What an insensitive lout she was. It was the anniversary of his parents’ deaths. Of course he would be feeling that more acutely this year with everything that had been going on. How could she not realise the significance of this day to him?
They were quiet for a bit as Ginny tried to think of something to say. Should she acknowledge what he hadn’t said? Try to encourage him to open up about his parents or how he was feeling? No. Harry already looked as though he regretted that comment and she didn’t think he’d really appreciate her prying that wound further open. They didn’t have that kind of relationship, and even Ron and Hermione danced in terror around his temper lately. Ginny didn’t blame him for being moody. Not after everything. But she still didn’t much fancy being on the receiving end.
So instead she decided to try to lighten the mood. “Well, now adays, Halloween is just an excuse to eat obscene amounts of sugar, let’s be honest.” Harry looked at her quietly, but a slow smile spread across his lips. “But when we were kids… Oh, we used to have so much fun. Mum would bake pumpkin pasties and apple cake. And she would help us make costumes. Bill and Charlie always wanted to dress up as something scary like vampires or mummies. Fred and George of course always found something funny. Ron was the least creative—I swear he dressed up as Martin Miggs the Mad Muggle at least five times. Percy was the party-pooper, of course. He was already saying he was too old to dress up by the time he was about six. Should have known right then he’d grow up to be a total prat.”
Harry was smiling as he watched her reminisce. “And you? What sort of costumes did you pick?” It was nice to see him looking relaxed and smiling when just a moment before he’d been sad and broody.
“Me? I think I usually favoured animals. I remember being a crup once… and a fairy… a cat…”
“A ginger cat?” Harry asked reaching across the table to gently tug at a lock of her hair. He teased her like one would a little sister. But she still found she liked how attentive he was to her just then.
“No… a black cat. But now you mention it, a ginger cat would have probably made a lot of sense.” They both laughed together. Then Ginny continued, “Then we’d all bob for apples and carve turnips from the garden. The ghoul in the attic would sing every year at dusk—at least I hope it was singing… might have been crying… hard to tell— And we were allowed to stay up late that night and Dad would build a bonfire in the pasture out back. And we’d leap over the fire to help encourage any lost spirits to find their way into the afterlife.” Ginny stared out the window, lost in happy childhood memories. They had all been so carefree and contented then. Then her smile slipped as she thought of Mum’s strained and worried face as she’d said goodbye to them on Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters when they’d left for school two months ago. She decided she preferred to think of happy childhood memories than dwell on that, so she turned back to Harry and smiled again.
“How about you? How did you celebrate Halloween growing up?”
Harry seemed oddly surprised by this question. His eyebrows rose as he seemed to struggle to remember. “We didn’t really,” he shrugged. “I think maybe Halloween celebrations are more popular in the wizarding world than in the Muggle world. I remember Dudley once trying to go Trick-or-Treating door-to-door like they do on American telly. But none of the neighbours were expecting it or understood what he was doing knocking on their door dressed up in a bedsheet like a ghost. So almost none of them had any sweets for him. So later that night, he went back and threw eggs at the doors of all the people who had turned him away. Does that count as celebrating?”
“You never dressed up or anything?”
Harry shrugged. “The Dursleys weren’t really the type to buy or help me make a costume.”
They stared at each other quietly for a moment. Then Harry looked away. Ginny wondered if Harry too was thinking about how very different their childhoods had been. And wondering if they might have been more similar if a Halloween night fourteen years ago had turned out differently.
“Well, then,” she said at last. “I stand by my previous assessment. Let’s just say that Halloween is an excuse to eat an obscene amount of sugar.” She rose to her feet. “I’ll sneak some pudding up to the common room after the feast for you.” Harry smiled, and she grinned back.
“That’d be great.”
“See you later then,” she said, reshouldering her bag. “And good luck on your essay.”
“See you.”
Ginny turned toward the library door, but she’d only gone two steps before Harry called her name. She turned back.
And he was looking at her—really looking at her. For a moment, it felt as though he’d never quite looked at her before. And gradually, a soft smile turned up the corner of his mouth. She loved that smile. It was always a little lopsided, a little slow in forming. But it was genuine and tender, and it felt like a beam of sunshine piercing through the rainy gloom. And in that moment, it was shining on her. Warming her.
Despite the fact that he had been the one to call her, for a moment, he seemed unsure what to say. But then, tentatively, “It was good talking to you.” And his smile widened.
It wasn’t the sort of smile a boy would give to his best friend’s little sister. It wasn’t even the sort of smile one would give to one’s own sister. Nor the sort of smile to a lover.
It was the sort of smile one would give to a friend.
And as Ginny walked alone down the stairs in the direction of the Great Hall, she found that she was not so envious of the looks Harry sent towards Cho Chang. Because she wouldn’t have traded that smile he’d given her for anything in all the world.