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The first thing Ryousuke noticed about the heartfelt confession on the little sea green note card was that it was written by his brother. He’d recognize that handwriting anywhere; it was as small and shy as Haruichi was.
Second, whoever talked Haruichi into writing the note put a lot of thought into it. It was very sweet and listed a few things the person liked about him, things only someone who had a five-minute conversation with him would realize or know. There was a little star-shaped hole in the corner of the notecard with a curly white ribbon connecting it to a bag of spicy chips with a similar star-shaped hole carefully placed to not accidentally punch a hole in the bag. The brand of chips, Ryousuke had never seen nor heard of before.
The third thing he noticed (realized), it was in his backpack .
Kominato Ryousuke was no stranger to Valentine’s Day confessions and gifts, usually littering the mat in front of his dorm or desk. Even in high school, gifts and chocolates and confessions would fill his shoe locker to the brim. Being one of Seidou University’s best players helped with the popularity, though if he had to be honest, Valentine’s Day was never really his thing. Chocolates and teddy bears and love letters from people he’d never even spoken to before got a bit irritating and tiring after a while.
But this was different. New . In so many ways.
- Whoever it was from was close to Haruichi. That was the only reason his little brother would agree to write something this sickeningly sweet to his brother.
- Spicy chips aren't a typical Valentine's Day gift, meaning whoever it was did know him to some extent and went out of their way to get him something he'd actually like.
- It was only meant for him to see. Tucked deep into the depths of his backpack, where he only found it because he had to dig around for a pencil. A lot of the girls who confessed to him went out of their way to make sure everybody saw it. Maybe they wanted his teammates to tease him about it, or some kind of bravery award. But this person didn't. They were a bit shyer.
- They really didn’t want Ryousuke to know who they were because it wasn’t properly signed by anyone. Just a simple “Sincerely, someone who loves you” written in his brother’s handwriting.
- Once he entertained the letter and read it, he felt very flattered and had to stop himself from smiling in the middle of class. That had never happened before. This was beyond the typical high school schoolgirl-level confessions
What the hell?
“Psst,” someone hissed. “Ryou-san?”
He looked up at Jun sitting behind him and raised a brow.
“You okay? You’ve been staring into your bag for, like, ten minutes.”
Ryousuke glanced around, noticing the rest of his third-year teammates watching him with concerned and questioning looks. He sighed lightly and lifted the notecard high enough for them to see.
Chris tilted his head. “What is that?”
“A confession,” he whispered, glancing at the professor over his shoulder.
Yuki made a noise. “In your backpack?”
Ryousuke nodded. “Did you see who put it in here? It wasn’t there before break.” He typically didn’t leave his bag unattended during class, but he had to relay a message to Haruichi from their parents, so he left it with his friends. When his teammates shook their heads, looking around to see each other’s answers, he frowned.
He looked back down at the note, reading it over again before something hit him in the head. He looked up to glare at Jun, who had thrown a paper ball, but his wild gesturing made him straighten up and turn around right before their professor could catch him, dropping the note back into the depths of his bag
Well. He could worry about it later.
Later, as it turned out, was right before practice, barging into his brother’s dorm, notecard in hand. Ignoring his brother’s gasped Aniki! and the squawks of fear from everyone else, he thrust the card at Haruichi.
“Who is it?”
Haruichi blinked. “Huh?”
He furrowed his brows. “Don’t play dumb, Haruichi—I can spot your handwriting from a mile away, and I doubt you’d be writing me a love note for Valentine’s Day.”
In the corner, Zono, who Ryousuke honestly hadn’t noticed, cleared his throat. “Okay, I’m leaving now. I’ll tell Coach there’s a family thing happening.” He looked around awkwardly for a moment before scurrying out like he was on fire.
The door shut, leaving the brothers alone, and Ryousuke turned to Haruichi again. “Who is it?”
Haruichi blushed and hunched over, his shoulder’s almost touching his ears. “I…can’t tell you. I promised. They don’t want you to know who they are…”
Ryousuke paused. He’d put that much together, but why confess if you don’t want the person to know who you are? “Why?”
“I dunno, I didn’t ask. It’s not my business.”
Huffing, he turned the card over to read the note again for what felt like the hundredth since he found it. As easily as he could probably get Haruichi to spill if he really wanted to, his brother seemed oddly insistent on not revealing his admirer. Whoever it was, Haurichi cared about them. “All right, fine. At least tell me how much of it you helped them with.”
Haruichi relaxed and finished buttoning his practice uniform. “All I did was write it on the card. They came up with what they wanted it to say by themselves.”
“So you had nothing to do with the chips?”
Haruichi seemed genuinely confused. “Chips?”
Studying his brother, Ryousuke concluded this might be harder than he thought. He had an inkling it might be someone in Haruichi's year, but that wasn't anything to go on. He doubted Haruichi would just give up information about him. His baby brother is very kind, but he does make people do their own work. So, how many first-year girls had he talked to long enough for them to know little things about him? Not very many. That new manager, but she was very skittish and had done most of the talking out of fear.
“Aniki, please,” Haruichi sighed, exasperated. “I’m sure there’s a good reason they don’t want to be found out. Don’t go harassing everyone you know to figure it out.”
Ryousuke shrugged, a tight smile he knew his brother wouldn’t fall for crossing his face. “Don’t worry, little brother, I won’t.”
He didn’t need to. He could figure it out on his own.
Haruichi looked a little annoyed but didn't argue anymore. It would be useless, anyway. Ryousuke would do whatever the hell he wanted, and he wanted to find out who wrote him such a cute note and then chickened out of signing their name. Of course, he now knew why they had Haruichi write it. If they have written, if he paid close enough attention, he might recognize their handwriting. Giving credit for their efforts was annoying, but Ryousuke had to admit they succeeded in making it a little more difficult than he would like.
That was the point of anonymous love letters, anyway.
He stewed in his annoyance and thoughts the whole way to practice and during the entire warm-up laps.
Jun caught up to him and nudged him toward the end. “Any leads on your mystery lover?”
Ryousuke raised a brow. "Why? Jealous? Wanna steal her from me?"
"Probably," Yuki piped up behind them. "It seemed personal. Who wouldn't want someone to make that effort for them?"
“Ryou-san,” Jun answered, yelping and jumping back when Ryousuke tried to swat the back of his head.
As they slowed to a walk, Ryousuke put his hands on his hips. “Haruichi knows who it is. He wrote the letter for them, but he won’t tell me who it is.”
Jun snickered. “Have you tried scaring it out of him?”
Yuki answered before Ryousuke could. “No. They’re both Kominatos. They are immune to each other's scary face."
Ryousuke and Jun stopped, staring at their captain, sharing an incredulous look.
“Where did that logic come from, Testu?!”
He shrugged, looking confused at their confusion. “Have you not seen them try to out-scare each other? No one cracks first.”
That much was true, much to Ryousuke’s dismay. That’s why he gave up on trying to pry an answer out of Haruichi so quickly. Still. Maybe he could snoop around and find some clues.
When the hell did this become a mystery novel?
“I still don’t understand how no one saw someone putting it in my backpack. All of you were still in the classroom when I left. Did you all just leave?”
“Jun took a nap,” Yuki said immediately, earning a disgruntled noise from Jun followed by a so did Tanba! “and Chris took Sawamura his new workout scroll, and I finished tonight’s homework.”
Ryousuke stopped short at the mention of their loudmouth pitcher. Maybe he would know something. If he wasn’t following Chris or Miyuki around like a lost puppy begging for attention, he was talking Haruichi’s ear off. Kanemaru and Toujou, too. And Furuya, if necessary. The first-years, mainly Sawamura, were a gossipy bunch. If anyone knew anything, it'd be them. And if any of them would accidentally spill out somebody's business, it'd be the southpaw.
Ryousuke planned his attack all through practice every chance he got. In between swings, during the split seconds of peace during fielding practice, and while baserunning. He didn't know why he needed a plan until practice was nearly over and he was scanning for Sawamura. He didn't need a plan, per se. He needed an excuse to talk to Sawamura, and he had to do it without making Haruichi suspicious, which was much harder than it should've been because his brother is just as observant as he is. He's sure he only has himself to blame for that.
The best opportunity for him to approach Sawamura arrived after practice when he saw the wild one hauling his trusty tire out of the equipment shed.
“Oi, Sawamura!” He called, the boy skidding to a rather comedic halt.
Sawamura straightened up and grinned. “Onii-san!”
Ryousuke sighed inwardly. Hopefully, that’ll go away one day… “Hey, Sawamura, I have a question for you.”
He saluted. “I will answer to the best of my abilities, Onii-san!”
Yeah, this was definitely going to be easier than he previously thought. “Has Haruichi been hanging out with anyone new lately?”
“Harucchi? New?” Sawamura pursed his lips in thought, and Ryousuke suppressed the urge to call it cute. He shook his head. “No, not that I’ve noticed. I mean—he does talk to classmates sometimes, but I haven’t noticed him actively hanging out with anyone new…”
Ryousuke watched as several emotions crossed his face before he gasped and looked a little too serious.
"Is Harucchi being bullied?! Do I need to assemble the first years and attack?! Who do I need to beat up!"
Waving his hand hoping to calm the wild beast that was Sawamura Eijun, Ryousuke shook his head. “No, no. If that were the case, I would just handle it myself.” He didn’t miss how Sawamura shivered when his voice got a little more sinister than usual. “I’m just curious. Our parents, too, you know? They want to make sure he’s making friends and settling in fine. All that stuff.”
Sawamura nodded viciously. “Yes! My parents are always asking me about friends, too!” Some of the kid’s energy seems to deplete, his shoulders dropping a little as his face fell into a neutral, calm smile Ryousuke had never actually seen before. It was…nice to look at. It made Ryousuke feel—oddly—at ease. “I haven’t seen him with anyone outside of the team, Onii-san. Did…” A childishly bashful and hopeful expression settled on Sawamura’s face. “Did I help at all?”
The poor kid looked so pitiful and desperate to be helpful that Ryousuke couldn’t find it in himself to be sharp-tongued. “Yeah, you did. Thanks, Sawamura.”
“Yosh!” And off he ran, tire in tow. As annoying as the kid was, even someone as strict as Ryousuke couldn’t help but find his antics endearing in a way.
Making his way to the dining hall, Ryousuke hummed to himself as he thought. If it wasn’t someone new, it had to be someone Haruichi was already pretty good friends with. But Haruichi was pretty shy around girls, and it doesn’t seem like a girl would ask for help to hide her identity. Sure, some may be shyer than others, but most girls jumped at the chance to put their name on something in Ryousuke’s passion.
Sighing quietly as he sat down to eat, he found himself even more determined to find out who gave probably the most sincere confession he’d ever received. He didn’t even know how he’d respond or what he’d say. He just wanted to know who it was.
The spicy chips were arguably the best goddamn chips Ryousuke had ever eaten. It took a week of dead ends for him to finally decide to try them before class started, and he kicked himself for not eating them sooner. Some foods had to be spicy to be good, and others tasted horrible when made spicy. There was a very specific scale that Ryousuke judged a food’s spiciness by, and somehow, those stupid, anonymous chips he’d never heard of before checked off every single little box, earning a 100% A+ grade by his standards, which was very hard .
Not wanting to forget the chips (and probably kickstarting an addiction), Ryousuke neatly folded the empty bag and tucked it nicely away in his backpack. He would look up the brand of the chips later. He needed to know where he could get them. As he made sure the bag was safe in a spot it wouldn't get ripped, he spotted another sea green index card. The other one was on his desk in his dorm, so this one was new.
Instead of writing in his brother's handwriting as he expected, it was typed and stuck onto the card with a label maker sticker. They really didn't want him to know. Ryousuke almost felt insulted.
Please stop trying to figure out who I am, Kominato-senpai. You would only be disappointed. I just needed to get it off my chest. So we best just be ships passing in the night! I’d rather you never know who I am than you hate me and never speak to me again. I hope you enjoyed the chips! ^_^
Taped to the back of it was a little coupon for his favorite curry place in Tokyo.
Ryousuke could admit he probably hadn’t been very subtle in trying to figure out who left him the note and chips. The use of ‘ senpai’ only narrowed it down so much. Still, for the past week, he'd wandered by and into every first and second-year classroom in the building he could when he got the chance, finding a reason to slip in during breaks between classes to scan each student. He struck up random conversations with Miyuki and Kuramochi, sat on his brother's desk to talk about random family updates their parents gave them, and gave half-hearted batting tips to a half-listening Sawamura, and asked Kanemaru what the hell Jun's ramblings about his Shoujo mangas meant. All the while scanning for someone who may be trying to steal glances at him and searching for anyone using those specific sea green index cards. Many people stole glances, and nobody had notecards.
And what he got? Nothing. Not a single damn hint, and by Monday of the next week, he was still determined to figure out who it was but was running out of ideas. And by today, Wednesday, he was quite annoyed.
The note did not have the desired effect. If anything, it only made it worse, and Ryousuke wasn’t very fond of the feeling of desperation. This person, who was somehow convinced that he would hate them if he knew who it was, was making him feel desperate, and Kominato Ryousuke did not do desperate.
How irritating.
His irritation came out in a heavy huff.
“You okay, Ryou-san?” Jun asked. “Still haven’t found her?”
In a silent response, Ryousuke handed the new note to Jun, who too eagerly took it and read it. He watched as Jun studied each little word individually as if it had some kind of hidden message. There was a slight shift in his expression that indicated the airhead was actually thinking.
“I mean,” Ryousuke started with a sigh (he hated feeling irritated over something so stupid), "why would she just assume I would hate her if I knew who she was?"
“Maybe…” Jun shut up as soon as he spoke, still studying the note, this time with caution. He turned his still cautious look on Ryousuke. “Maybe it’s not…a ‘she’…”
Frowning and furrowing his brows, Ryousuke asked, “What do you mean?”
His friend shrugged, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. "Think about it, man. They're trying so hard to keep you from finding out who they are, they know you enough, and they seem so sure that you'll hate them. Sure, there are some accepting people, but Japan as a whole isn't exactly known for its acceptance of gay people. When it comes to your friends, you just never know who’d accept you and who would tell you to go die.”
While mildly surprised that Jun was actually saying something smart for once, and didn't look like he was ready to do something illegal, Ryousuke could only think about what he was saying. He had a point, which was rare. He'd be lying if he said he didn't think some of his teammates were gay, like Miyuki. He wasn't sure why, honestly, but the loser smirked too much at everyone who looked at him to be straight, and Sawamura ogled at Chris too much to not raise suspicion, but then again he couldn’t blame him. Chris was, objectively, one of the most attractive guys in the whole school, let alone the team. His brother blushed at the slightest bit of positive attention from one of the guys, but he was also just shy. Even some of his classmates acted a bit more touchy than regular friends would.
If any of them were gay, or bi at the least, no one would ever actually say anything.
Jun looked back down at the note. "'I'd rather you never know who I am than you hate me and never speak to me again.' It's definitely somebody you know and talk to at least a little bit." Handing the note back, Jun looked bothered, as if he'd accidentally found out someone's biggest, darkest secret he knew he had no business knowing. "You should…I think you should listen to them, Ryou-san, and stop looking for them. At least until you know what you’re going to say to them if it is a boy, especially someone who might be your friend.”
Ryousuke personally didn't have much of an opinion on it. He couldn't even say for sure that he was solely attracted to girls because he, unfortunately, was lumped in with the Baseball Idiots. He focused a little too much on baseball to notice if he was attracted to either or both. He did know, however, that he wouldn't hate someone for liking the same gender. He felt insulted that, if a boy did write the confession, he thought he would be some cruel-hearted monster about it.
But Jun was right. There was no telling who’d hate you and who would root for you.
Tucking the note back into his backpack, he sighed a little more heavy-hearted than he would outwardly admit and cleaned up before their next class started.
He wasn't mad that a boy might have confessed to him, but he was a little peeved that the stupid confession and those damn chips stirred up something in his chest.
Maybe he should back off for a little bit.
After a whole day of thinking, Ryousuke made a solid choice to focus on people on the baseball team. If it was a boy and someone Ryousuke interacted with fairly often, it had to be someone on the team. The team didn’t narrow it down very much. There were a lot of people on the team.
But! He rationalized during his after-practice bath. He spoke more with people on the first and second-string teams than anyone else, so maybe, just maybe, he narrowed it down by seventy-five percent.
In his dorm after his late-night swinging session, he dug out the new note and chip bag. He carefully dislodged the coupon from the card and tucked it into a safe drawer. Then he turned to his computer and began searching.
Nagano. The chips were a locally sourced and made product from the Nagano Prefecture, sold mostly in stores in Nagano. Some corner stores outside of the prefecture carried them, but it was rare to actually find them. Considering that Nagano was a more countryside part of the country, it made sense that they wouldn't be known for their potato chips, but Ryousuke figured that should be a crime.
Leave it to farmers and other blue-collar workers to make Heaven Sent spicy potato chips.
But it did beg the question, who did he know that was from Nagano? He doubted anyone not from Nagano would know about the chips, so they had to be from there themselves, right? Or else they were really lucky to just so happen to find a bag in time for Valentine’s Day, but that seemed too convenient.
He knew where most of his teammates were from, but he couldn’t think of anyone from Nagano. Clearly whoever confessed knew him better than he knew them.
Ryousuke, for the fifth night since the confession, didn’t get much sleep that night.
Maybe it was the lack of sleep or tired of feeling irritated every time he thought about it, or maybe it was sheer pettiness that made Ryousuke decide, after yet another week of absolutely nothing, he was going to figure out who it was before White Day.
Maybe nothing was a harsh word, but he really did get nothing in a week. They had so many practice matches back-to-back that he didn’t have the time or energy to ask around to find out who was from where.
He did pay attention to who called him what, though, hoping that would give him some indication of who it could be. But that resulted in next to nothing. The second-years called him 'Ryou-san’ and the managers used ‘Kominato-san’. Of course, there was Sawamura’s ‘Onii-san’, which immediately took him off the list. Even Furuya and Kanemaru called him ‘Ryou-senpai’. The only one who called him ‘Kominato-senpai' was the first-year manager, but she blushed around one of the other managers too much for Ryousuke to think it was her.
The first-year manager did, however, have a single hole-puncher that punched out little stars. The same stars from the original confession note and chip bag.
“Hey, Yoshikawa-san,” he said nonchalantly, stopping as he passed by her to look closer at the little stars she had emptied into a little tin box full of others just like them. It was kind of cute that she kept them.
She squeaked and jumped. “Yes, Kominato-senpai?”
He nodded at the hole-puncher. “Where’d you get that?”
“This?” She held it up and he nodded. “Daiso! They have a punch of little shapes! I have a heart one and a cloud one, too!” She looked between him and the hole puncher. “Do you want to borrow it? Kominato-kun, Sawamura-kun, and a few other first-years borrowed it, too. They really like it!”
He shook his head, but raised his brow and put on his best devious grin he usually wears when teasing Kuramochi. “Which other first-years?”
She shrugged. “Furuya-kun, Kanemaru-kun, Toujou-kun. Some other boys in our year I don’t think you’d know. They like using it on their notes and projects and stuff. The girls prefer the heart one—” By that logic, it was definitely a boy. “—A lot of them used the heart one for Valentine’s Day, and some of the boys asked to borrow this one for White Day!”
Duly noted. “Thanks, Yoshikawa-san…” He paused for a moment. “I think I may borrow it for White Day, as well, if you don’t mind.”
She shook her head, a big grin spreading across her face. “Not at all! Let me know when you need it!”
Promising to do so, Ryousuke walked off. Now he really needed to find out who it was before White Day. Otherwise, he might have to have to face the embarrassment of telling her never mind.
When they finally got a break long enough to let Ryousuke think again, on a Saturday evening, he resorted back to figuring out who on the team was from Nagano. And the best way to do that?
Chris shrugged, looking as confused as he was. “I don’t know, Ryousuke. Is this about the confession?”
He glowered as he answered. “Yeah. The chips he gave me are specifically from Nagano and hardly get distributed outside of the prefecture.”
“And you’re sure it’s someone on the team?” Chris was usually a lot smarter than this and so much more helpful. Why was he being so dumb today?
"Jun seems to think so. Based on the note he left in my backpack last week, it makes sense."
Chris raised an amused brow with a little smirk on his face. “Are you so desperate to find them that you’re listening to Jun ?”
Ryousuke opened his mouth to make a sassy quip back but shut it real quick. Chris, though being useless now, was right. As always. Jun wasn't the best, most logical person to get advice from, but even so, he had a point. "I’m quite literally losing sleep over this,” was his only (albeit pathetic) argument.
Face softening into his typical, friendly smile, Chris shrugged again and leaned back in his desk chair. “I really have no idea. Rei-san or Coach might know, but good luck giving them a reason good enough to tell you. I doubt chips will suffice to be enough in exchange for personal information."
Fighting his irritation, Ryousuke smirked. “It’s not personal if the government knows.”
Chris simply shook his head. “Good luck, Ryousuke, but I don't think you'll find them if they don't want to be found."
Ryousuke huffed, almost childishly. “Thanks, Chris.” He turned to head out when he caught sight of sea green index cards covered in notes sprawled across Kanemaru’s desk as the kid copied the writing onto plane white cards. “Those are a cool color, Kanemaru-kun. Where’d you get those?”
Kanemaru shrugged lazily, focused on his notes. “Bakamura. They’re his notes. He has a whole rainbow collection of them from Daiso or something. I think he and Yoshikawa went on a shopping trip a while back.”
Oh?
A little cough escaped Chris as he stood up. “I’m getting a drink. Do you want anything, Kanemaru? Ryousuke?”
“No, thanks,” they both said.
Chris nodded and put a hand on Kanemaru's shoulder, patting it a couple of times before he left. Kanemaru straightened up and turned in his wheely chair, leaning on the desk behind him.
Okay… Weird.
“The colors distract me,” Kanemaru continued, “but your brother, Toujou, and Furuya love them so he split each of the colors with them.”
Ryousuke felt his eyebrow twitch. Damnit. “You’re…using Sawamura notes?”
Kanemaru looked as surprised and annoyed as Ryousuke felt for an entirely different reason. “Ironic, isn’t it?” He sighed, resigned and dramatic. “Unfortunately, I accidentally washed my notes, but I guess the topic really interested ‘Wamura 'cause he's got the whole damn lesson on these things." He gestured to the scattered note cards. "Plus, for a lefty, he's got nice handwriting."
Ryousuke couldn't help but peek at the notes. Sure enough, Sawamura did have nice handwriting when he wasn't scribbling as fast as he possibly could with as much fervor as he could muster. Not that it helped his search any. Haruichi wrote the confession and the second note had been typed.
But why was Sawamura's name popping up so often? Ryousuke ruled him out a long time ago because there's no way he'd be this careful about anything that didn't involve pitching in some way. But still, his name was coming up a lot . Maybe he did know something? Maybe he just wouldn't give up information as easily as he thought. It was no secret that Sawamura loved and protected and supported his friends at all costs.
As loud and as idiotic as he was, Sawamura was fiercely loyal and it was quite admirable. No way would he out a friend, especially not about this. It wasn’t his secret to tell.
Ryousuke wanted to ram his head through a wall. Even if anyone on the team did know and was somehow in on it, most of the guys on the team are respectful enough to not reveal secrets that aren’t theirs. Haruichi, his damn shy, sweet, personable, considerate little brother would never do such a thing. If anyone else was covering for his little crusher, no one was going to pipe up without permission. Ryousuke would have to figure it out on his own.
“Why’d it take me until now or realize that?” he grumbled to himself as he left the dorm, rubbing the back of his neck. “Jun must be rubbing off on me… I need to spend more time with Miyuki…or Chris.”
That Monday after practice, he caught Sawamura before he could get his tire friend out of the shed.
“Oi, Sawamura. Do you have any index cards I could borrow? There’s a test Jun and I need to study for and Jun works better when you can look at him like he's stupid, so flashcards are the to-go."
Sawamura snickered and nodded, not even questioning why Ryousuke was asking him of all people. He was as dense as Jun, sometimes he wondered if they were somehow related. “Sure, Onii-san! I’ve got plain white ones and rainbow ones! Kanemaru made fun of the rainbow ones, but Harucchi and Toujou like them!”
He hummed. “Jun might focus more with pretty colors, eh? Let me see the rainbow ones.”
“Yosh!" Sawamura bounded happily toward his dorm, throwing the door open and skipping to his desk, and digging around before pulling out various packs of multicolored index cards. Some were pastels, some were neon, and others looked like tropical Skittles. Only one had the sea green ones.
He pointed at the pack. “Can I use that one?”
Sawamura nodded and handed it over, putting the rest of them away. He had the calm, neutral smile from before as he did so, and Ryousuke couldn’t help but let his eyes linger on it. He was (and Ryousuke would absolutely deny it if anyone asked) kind of cute and his laser-like focus during a game was kind of (again, he’d deny it if asked) attractive.
"Say, Sawamura—where are you from?" It was out before Ryousuke could stop himself, and Sawamura's eyes widened in a suspiciously panicked way. "I don't think I've ever asked." It's a terrible explanation for a very sudden question, but it's the best he could come up with at the moment. This whole Confession/Chip thing had his brain frazzled on every possible end.
His mouth opened to answer, but the dorm door opened to reveal Kuramochi giving his roommate the evil eye.
“Bakamura!”
Sawamura shrieks and ducks behind Ryousuke. “Whatever it is I didn’t do it! Protect me, Onii-san!”
Something churned in his chest and for a moment he did want to protect him, despite knowing, logically, he didn't need to. Sawamura would ultimately survive and Kuramochi wouldn't hurt him on purpose, but like the confession said, he cared and he was patient.
He waved a hand flippantly. “Hey, hey, now, Mochi. What’d he do to deserve such wrath?”
Kuramochi growled and dramatically pointed at Sawamura, who let out a tiny eep! and gripped the back of Ryousuke’s shirt and—wow, something electrical zapped his brain for a second as he maybe, kind of, sort of zoned out for a fraction of a second at the feeling.
“He ate my onigiri!”
“I did not! I put them in the fridge!” Sawamura stood up without letting go of Ryousuke’s shirt to argue over his head. “You left them out and they were going bad! My rice-farming family would be disappointed in you for not storing your food correctly!"
Kuramochi let out an undignified squawk. “You little twerp!”
Sawamura ducked again. “Onii-san and I have to go eat! You can stay here and reflect on your poor food-keeping decisions, Cheetah-senpai!”
Letting Sawamura push him forward to get past his fuming roommate, Ryousuke chuckled at their antics. He may have had a rough start, but Sawamura was fitting in just fine. Kuramochi already viewed him as a dear friend, so there was nothing to worry about.
Worried? Why would he be worried about some first-year? He wasn’t even that worried about Haruichi…
Huh.
They just got by Kuramochi when he reached out and grabbed Sawamura’s collar and detached him from Ryousuke. “Nice try!”
“Onii-san!” Sawamura called as he got wrestled to the ground.
“Not even Coach can save you now, Bakamura!”
Ryousuke chuckled as he closed the door. Roommates should only get their asses kicked over food in private.
Monday morning, another note greeted him. This time on his unassigned (but mentally assigned) desk, where anyone could have seen it, on the same sea green card with the same label-maker typing. This time, instead of lovey-dovey and light-hearted, this one felt sad. Like he’d somehow broken his heart.
Why won’t you give up, senpai? Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I think it’s only fair that I ask for you to still be my friend when you find out. You went looking so you don’t get to be disappointed. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. Sorry in advance.
Ryousuke clenched his jaw. Why wouldn’t he give up? Why was he so sure he wouldn’t still be his friend after all of this? What made him think he’d reject him? Didn’t he understand that he did want the answer? It was this guy’s fault for writing the confession he did in the first place! If he didn’t want Ryousuke to try to find him, he should’ve done what the girls do; cheap chocolates he wouldn’t eat, a cheesy Valentine’s Day card you get for your grandmother, and a vague note with “I LOVE YOU!” written in a pink glitter pen with stupid little heart and flower stickers and doodles all over the thing.
But no. He made it personal. He gave solid reasons for why he liked Ryousuke which made Ryousuke risk blushing in the middle of class, and got him a delicious bag of spicy chips from a city two hours away that can only be found in said city. He went out of his way to hide it in his backpack so no one else could see it, and he decided to confess. Getting it off his chest or not, he should've known that Ryousuke would try to find whoever did it in such an honest, heartfelt way.
He knew that despite being terrified to his bones, the guy really did want a date, and goddamnit, Ryousuke felt like he deserved a date after all this mess. White Day was next week. He would not let this week go by without knowing who it was.
Call it what you will; desperate, spite, pettiness, frustration, whatever. Ryousuke was getting a date out of his underclassman, no matter who it was.
He figured it out by complete accident that same night.
He was getting a drink from the vending machines, deep in thought about how he was going to figure it out and then demand a date. He’d never asked someone on a date before, let alone asked them to take him on a date. That's not how dates worked, but it was the guy's punishment for being so infuriating. Okay, so maybe he was being a little cruel-hearted about this like the guy probably feared he would be.
Going on a date out of spite definitely isn’t a good thing and it’ll probably only end up with someone getting hurt, but that wasn’t his intention. He really did feel something when reading the confession… After the initial shock of course. He just didn’t know what that something was. Hope, maybe? Or a want to at least try? If someone liked him so much to write such a confession, he figured he could, at the very least, try.
Despite knowing it was a first-year that he knew to some extent, he had run out of ideas. That's why he was getting a drink. He hoped it would help him recuperate and refresh his brain. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could bully Haruichi into telling. He considered asking his parents to bug the hell out of him, but then they would bug the hell out of Ryousuke and ask who it was and when they were going on a date and when he was bringing him home to meet them.
The thought made him shudder. Scratch that idea.
He’d been standing there, staring at the vending machine and slowly sipping his drink when he heard talking coming down the sidewalk.
“This is stuff that doesn’t leave the prefecture!” Of course, it was Sawamura. “I’ll share some of it with you guys, too!”
The hyena-like laugh was Kuramochi. “Are you gonna share with your precious Onii-san?”
Ryousuke’s attention went on high alert at the nickname, and when he caught sight of them walking with Chris on the other side of Sawamura, he ducked behind the machine. For the first time in his life, he was thankful he was short.
“No…” Sawamura said quietly. He sounded…sad. “I think…it’s too risky.”
“Risky?” Kuramochi repeated. “Why?”
“He’s really determined to figure it out,” Chris said. “He came by asking if anyone on the team lived in a Nagano, then he spotted Kanemaru using his colored note cards. He almost accidentally spilled the beans.”
Kuramochi tsked. "I told you not to use those stupid colored cards! You're the only one who uses them—of course, he'd notice it. It's Ryou-san, for crying out loud!”
“He looked up the brand of the chips,” Sawamura whined, sounding disappointed. In himself or the object of his affections, Ryousuke couldn’t tell. He could barely hear it over the sound of his heart in his ears. “I knew I shouldn’t have used those. They’re specific to Nagano, but they’re really good and he always talks about how the ones he’s found so far are poorly made, even his favorites. I thought he’d like them…” A pair of footsteps stopped, probably Sawamura. He let out a long-suffering sigh. “I should of just…gotten him a bear or something.”
The others stopped, too.
“H-hey, now,” Kuramochi stammered, and if Ryousuke had to guess, Sawamura was close to tears. Kuramochi never did handle other people crying very well. Kuramochi sighed. “Listen, Sawamura. I know Ryou-san, all right? If he doesn’t feel the same or doesn’t think he could even try, I know he won’t be a dick about it. He’s mean, but he’s not a monster.”
Chris hummed. “He doesn’t seem angry about it, other than not knowing who you are. Have you talked to Haruichi at all?”
Sawamura sniffed, and oh if that didn’t make Ryousuke feel some level of guilt. “Harucchi doesn’t know how he’ll react. He said he wouldn’t be evil about it, but he might not be the nicest, either, which is why I told him to not look for me.”
Someone scoffed. Probably Kuramochi. “I thought you liked him? Don’t you know by now that when you tell Ryou-san not to do something, he does it out of spite?”
“Well,” Chris started, a smile hidden in his voice, “if you want to get at least one date out of Ryousuke, just give him those chips again. He nearly inhaled them during lunch, he liked them so much. That’s probably why he looked them up in the first place.”
“Really?”
Ryousuke bit back a scoff. Really, Sawamura. Why are you so surprised?
Sawamura hummed, still unsure, and Ryousuke could imagine him kicking the dirt. “I think a date would be asking for too much from Onii-san. Him not hating me would be good enough… I told him that, too!”
Chris and Kuramochi made noises of confusion.
“I… He won’t give up. He’s getting really close, like uncomfortably close to figuring it out, so I left him one last note. I told him he doesn't get to be upset when he finds out since he went looking when I warned him not to…that he still has to be my friend… Or, treat me any different, I guess since we're not exactly friends?"
Ouch. Granted, Ryousuke had never really considered Sawamura his friend. He didn't know him well enough or talk to him enough to think of him that way, but still. Ouch. Knowing he wasn't getting any more notes kind of hurt, too.
They were silent for a long time before the soft, low chuckle from Chris broke the tension. "Don't ever change, Sawamura. Whether Ryousuke accepts or not, I think you're great and anyone would be lucky to have you."
"Yeah!" Kuramochi said proudly like he couldn't be defied. "You showed me the confession, and I can say if Ryou-san does turn you down, it'll be gentle. He should be flattered you even gave him the time of day!" Their shadows show Kuramochi throwing an arm around Sawamura's shoulders. "If it goes as bad as you think it will, we'll be right here, okay, Ei-chan?”
Ryousuke felt himself frown at the stupidly soft and cute nickname. Since when was Kuramochi capable of being soft? And why’d he have to do it with Sawamura? Who gave him that right?
Sawamura sniffed again with a weak little laugh. "Heh, thanks, senpai… And thanks for not, ya know, being…um…ya know…about it. Harucchi was the only one who knew. Actually, he kind of figured it out. Him threatening to break some kneecaps if you reacted badly to me being gay was really the only thing that helped me go through with telling you guys.”
In true Kominato fashion .
“We’ve got your back, Sawamura.” Chris’s soft spot for Sawamura grew greatly since their little dispute, and he was gentle and sweet with everyone, but it made Ryousuke sneer at his shadow.
Why?
Sawamura sucked in a few deep breaths, probably to collect himself before he laughed boisterously and kept walking. When he walked into sight, he was carrying a box, with Eijun Nagano Care Package on the side with Love Okaa-san, Oto-san, and Oji-san under it.
He waited until they disappeared into their dorms before he slumped against the wall, still wedged between the vending machine and the wall. It was Sawamura? The first person Ryousuke wrote off as impossible because he probably wasn’t careful enough to keep such a secret? Because he called him Onii-san, and not senpai? He supposed that even someone who wears their heart on their sleeve could hide it from danger if he needed to.
Jun was right. He should definitely think about this one before doing anything.
It turned out that “think” was another word for “panic” (which Ryousuke was not used to doing), and the only solution to "panic" was "don't think" but to do that, distractions were incredibly important and unfortunately, distractions only occurred during the day.
During the day, nothing was different. He didn't do anything different besides overloading himself with schoolwork and practice. He could not let Sawamura know that he knew, because he was so sure that Sawamura would act differently, and then everybody would know that something happened between them.
Luckily, Kominato Ryousuke was a master at being cool.
He teased and quipped and laughed like he usually did, he scowled half-heartedly every time "Onii-san!" ripped through the air, and he managed to avoid looking anxious about everything all of the time. He snickered at Jun's stupidity during class and added fuel to the Kuramochi-Sawamura roommate schemes and battles against each other and the other teammates. Practice was smooth sailing, nailing damn near every swing during batting practice, and working just as smoothly during fielding drills. He swung his bat every night, ate every bit of food given to him, and fought back in water wars in the baths.
Nothing was different. Nothing during the day, anyway.
Burying himself in schoolwork, homework, and practice only worked for so long. He could push down his newfound knowledge into a corner in his brain and ignore it while he took notes and completed homework, and he could put all his efforts into practice and busy himself by talking to his teammates all he wanted, but when he laid in bed at night ready to sleep, there was nothing to distract him. Every quiet, clear moment, every night for a week he found himself thinking about the loud-mouth, chocolate-haired first-year pitcher who oh-so-perfectly confessed his feelings through what may have been the best confession letter Ryousuke had ever seen.
Friday night, he let himself really think about it.
He had to hand it to Sawamura, honestly, for taking him by surprise. The kid had very little tact and wore his heart on his sleeve, always spouting his feelings to anyone who would listen but not this time. Nope. Not once had Ryousuke ever suspected that Sawamura felt an ounce of anything romantic for him. Sure, he blushed from time to time, but Sawamura Eijun lived off praise so that probably didn't count. From following Chris and Miyuki around to talking Haruichi's ear off and fighting with Furuya, to calling him 'Onii-san', he sure fooled him. And Ryousuke didn't know how he felt about it.
Shouldn't you show someone you like them if you do? Isn't that how these things work? Well. This was different, he supposed. His talk with Jun reminded him of that. Sawamura may not have been the brightest bulb in the box when it came to academics, but he seemed to have some common sense. Maybe he had been scared, but then that meant Sawamura knew what fear felt like. Not that Ryousuke made it easy for anyone to approach him, not as seriously as Sawamura clearly wanted to, anyway. Still, he found it hard to believe that the lion-hearted pitcher was scared of something.
Perhaps it was unfair to say Sawamura didn't show him that he liked him. He paid close enough attention to him to find little things about his mannerisms and personality that he liked and he obviously listened to him enough to know that even his favorite spicy snacks were mediocre at best. That had to be more than just a silly schoolboy crush, right? And if he paid that much attention to someone he liked, maybe he deserved a chance.
But Sawamura ?!
Ryousuke scowled a glare so sharp into the bed above him his roommate might have felt it.
He couldn’t think of a single redeeming quality the guy had! He was attractive, sure, for a first-year with sloppy talent, and he was so undeniably loyal to his friends, but that should be a requirement in people, anyway. And, yeah, he never gave up easily and chased after what he wanted with every ounce of passion he had, and sure , that passion never seemed to waver, not even when Chris had given him the cold shoulder, or when Furuya got on the first-string immediately. And maybe the brat had some dark magic ability to cheer up even the saddest person in the room and get a fraction of a smile out of the coach, and kind of sort of had a gift for changing the entire mood of a game just by shouting that stupid catchphrase every time he got on the field.
But there wasn’t a single thing about Sawamura Eijun’s loud and obnoxiously bright personality that Ryousuke could appreciate.
Who cared that Sawamura befriended his shy brother almost immediately and has endlessly supported him and rooted for him every chance he got? Why would it matter that Ryousuke didn't have to worry about Haruichi being at the hands of bullies again because Sawamura could run anybody off just by opening his mouth? It definitely didn’t matter that Sawamura likes him so much that Haruichi obviously supported him and wrote his confession for him to help keep it a secret.
Growling through gritted teeth, Ryousuke violently flipped onto his side to face the wall and squeezed his eyes shut.
It didn’t matter. Not at all. Not one tiny little bit.
On White Day, Sawamura Eijun was greeted by a can of coffee sitting in the middle of his desk, a curly pink ribbon looped through the can’s tab and tied to a sea green index card with a star-shaped hole in the corner.
Meet me in the practice field dugout after dinner.
Onii-san
Despite Ryousuke nonchalantly lounging on the bench in the dugout, he was freaking out . He had no idea what he was going to say to Sawamura, which was a bad move on his part, but in his defense, he figured hearing the guy out would be better than ignoring whatever the hell was stirring around his gut. So with that, Sawamura would have to talk first, so that Ryousuke could know what to say.
He finished his dinner a little too fast, getting questioning looks from Jun and Kuramochi, but he ignored them and left. He stole a glance at Sawamura, who looked entirely too scared to eat with his head down and eyes flickering between Ryousuke and his food. Haruichi caught his eye as he walked out, his little brother swallowing and turning to comfort the pitcher.
Either Sawamura was getting his nerves together, or he chickened out because Ryousuke had been sitting in the dugout for nearly forty minutes now. He was determined to wait, though, because Sawamura, despite his best efforts, never could leave well enough alone. He would show. After he stopped shaking in his skin.
Another five minutes passed before he heard a shaky huff from outside the dugout.
“O-Onii-san?” From the corner of his eye, Sawamura poked his head around the corner, looking much too timid to be the actual Sawamura Eijun.
Ryousuke tapped the bench next to him, and at a painfully slow and nervous pace, Sawamura entered the dugout and sat on the bench, a lot farther away than Ryousuke had intended. The poor kid was getting ready to run.
Ryousuke sighed gently and sat up straighter. “You know,” he started, “when most people want to be ignored, they use generic cards with cartoons on them and chocolates and cheap bears.”
“I…erm…” Sawamura twiddled his thumbs. “I told you. I wanted to get it off my chest and never think about it again. I—I didn’t expect you to actually think about it.”
“Think is a rather weak word,” he scoffed. He turned, propped one knee on the bench, and faced Sawamura. “Want to know what I think?”
Sawamura gulped. “W-what?”
“I think there’s more that you wanted to say but couldn’t fit it all on the note card,” he said, “and I’m interested to know what it is. I want to hear the rest of it.”
The poor kid sunk in his spot, mumbling something Ryousuke could just barely hear, “You’ll make fun of me.”
Ryousuke frowned and let the frustration that had been boiling in his chest for the past month seep out. “Is that what you think of me, Sawamura? That’d I’d make fun of someone about something they’re so serious about? You know, I’d hoped that, since you like me and all, you’d know that I’m not so cold that I’d laugh at you.” He turned sharply to face the field again, his arms and legs crossed tight. “I decided to hear you out because I thought you’d have more earnest things to say to make your case, but if not, you can leave and we can never talk about this again.”
Sawamura let out a weak noise of protest, turning to face him, only to pause a second later. “Make my case?” His golden brown eyes burned a hole into Ryousuke’s skull for an agonizingly long minute. “You mean…”
“I mean ," Ryousuke snapped, though with less venom than it might have had had he been in his right mind because obviously, something was off in his brain if he was considering Sawamura, "I didn't lose sleep over this for a month, Sawamura, just to make fun of you or be disappointed or hate you. Frankly, I’m a little insulted that you think so little of me.”
“No!” Sawamura shouted. “That’s not—I don’t—You’re not—” He deflated in his seat yet again, his hands resting nicely in his lap as he picked at his cuticles. After a long moment of listening to crickets, he spoke. “You’re very sincere in everything you do. You don’t half-ass friendships or practice or school or being a big brother. You know what you like, what you don't, and what you could probably like, and you don't shy away from trying things, even if you might not like them. You act tough, but you're actually really soft. With Harucchi, with Mochi-senpai, with Miyuki-senpai. Even with me, sometimes. You've never actually told me to stop calling you Onii-san, and I think you actually started to like it because if you didn't, you wouldn't respond to it. You're snarky, but you're not rude, and you have a lot of respect for your teammates and family and teachers. But you also only give respect when it's earned. People don't get the chance to walk over you because you'd hurt their feelings before they could even try….” He trailed off, though the pinched, hesitant look on his face said there was something else.
“Out with it, Sawamura,” Ryousuke pushed gently.
“You…” Sawamura cleared his throat. “You make people feel safe.”
With some newfound bravery, and looking much more like the bright-eyed pitcher Ryousuke knew (and admittedly found charming in his own stupid way), Sawamura stood and turned to Ryousuke. Then he bowed. “I don’t expect you to accept my feelings, Onii-san, but I truly do like you! It’s not some weak schoolboy crush—I wouldn’t be this scared if it was!”
Ryousuke pursed his lips. He still wanted to know one thing, though. “How did you get it in my backpack?”
Still bent at the waist, Sawamura glanced up then shyly to the side. “Chris-senpai put it in there for me. The second note, too.”
“Chris. Haruichi. Who else knows?” Sawamura didn’t need to know that he overheard him with Kuramochi and Chris.
Sawamura's voice came out a lot shakier when he spoke this time like he was scared Ryousuke would hit him or something. He stared at the ground the whole time. “Furuya, Kanemaru, Kuramochi-senpai, Nori-senpai, and Yoshikawa-san. They…they helped me put stuff together and keep it quiet.”
Despite what outsiders may believe, Sawamura certainly had a village at Seidou ready to rally behind him. That had to be the Sawamura Effect. It was—heh—effective.
Ryousuke sighed and stood up, stepping in front of Sawamura. “Okay.”
Sawamura snapped up, and if it weren’t for his weirdly flexible joints, Ryousuke would have worried that he might’ve broken his back. “Okay?!”
He nodded. "I…I won't lie. I don't know what I feel, but I know your damn confession made me feel something . As you said, I'm not scared of trying something new.” He rocked back on his feet a little, and if Sawamura thought anything about the awkwardness that was so foreign to Ryousuke, he kept his trap shut. “So…Okay. I'm agreeing to one date. One, Sawamura. Then we'll go from there." If the look of pure excitement and relief on Sawamura's face made Ryousuke smile just a little, he'd lie. "I do have one rule, though," he added before he could celebrate too quickly.
Sawamura nodded firmly, ready to blindly follow any instructions given to him if it meant a date.
“For the love of god, do not call me Onii-san on the date. That’s weird.”
Sawamura stared at him for a moment. Then he blinked. Then he laughed. Loud and whole-heartedly enough those in the dorms might have heard, a sound that now shook Ryousuke down to his core. “Deal, Ryou-senpai!”
If anyone outside of Sawamura's selected few saw them walking back together with Sawamura looking much happier than usual and a shy smile on Ryousuke's face as he walked with his shoulders hunched to hide, and questioned it, they didn't get an answer. Sawamura would only grin as bright as the sun, and Ryousuke would put on his best Kominato sneer and ask “Are you sure you want to know?”
They didn’t. Not that bad.