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Shane had been unusually quiet, even for himself. He hadn’t chirped anything in the terrible movie they'd watched. Or initiated any make-out sessions with Ilya to try and get him to turn off said terrible movie. He had just laid on the couch, snuggled into Ilya's side and legs tangled together, and not said much at all. When the movie ended and he hadn’t moved still, Ilya thought he might have fallen asleep, but that had proven not to be the case.
Shane had hummed in agreement when Ilya had suggested they go to bed. Had looked lost in his thoughts while they brushed their teeth. He had perked up a tiny bit when Anya had jumped on the bed, but even then, he’d just given her some pets and a hug and then told her to go to her bed, which she did. His smile had looked weary and unsure.
He was tucked in bed and curled away from Ilya’s side of the bed when Ilya joined him in the bedroom, and that sent Ilya’s mind into overdrive. Nothing unusual had happened during the day and they’d had a pleasant evening.
Ilya turned off the light, slipped under the covers and got close enough to drop a kiss on Shane’s shoulder.
“Night,” was all Shane mumbled in answer. He didn’t sound tired, or like he’d sleep anytime soon.
“Excited for tomorrow,” Ilya asked, trying to see if he could get to the bottom of what was going through Shane’s head. Starting with an easy question seemed logical.
“Yeah. Sure.”
That might be the problem right there.
“You did not sound convincing,” Ilya replied hoping his tone showed he was open to talking about it.
“I- it’s weird.” Shane took in a deep breath and Ilya wished he could see him.
He imagined Shane was frowning into the dark, his face scrunched up like it did when he was trying to work something out. He usually just kissed his freckles and Shane’s features would relax a bit, but something told him to wait this one out. So he did.
“We’ve played the whole pre-season and things have been good, right,” Shane finally said. “Technically it isn’t our first game tomorrow really. All I kept thinking of tonight was about all the worse case scenarios. What if I can’t click on my line. What if we suck together on the power play. What if the fans hate me. It isn’t logical. Not even a little. But it still got stuck in my brain and I keep having to talk myself out of these random scenarios.”
Shane shuffled backwards until his back hit Ilya’s chest and he melted against his husband as soon as Ilya’s arm was wrapped around his waist.
“Have you been nervous like this before games? In Montreal.”
“Maybe my very first game, but it wasn’t like this. It feels like there’s just- more now.” Ilya kissed the top of Shane’s head and squeezed him a little harder. “Back then, I just had to prove I was the best hockey player and had earned my place on the team. Now… I don’t know, it just feels like it’s about more than hockey. And that’s not bad. Not even a little.”
“It is different.”
“Yeah,” Shane sighed. He turned in Ilya’s arms and tucked himself in Ilya’s chest. Within seconds, Ilya could feel him fiddling with his chain, where his wedding band had taken up residence once more as soon as the pre-season had started.
“It is normal to be nervous, I think. I was nervous when I left Boston and played my first game here,” Ilya added after a beat. “Everyone was always nice. And you are joining a great team now.” Shane snorted and Ilya knew he was loosening up. “I am the excited kind of nervous. I cannot wait to be on the ice with you. To hear your name announced before the game on my team. For everyone, in your home city, to get to call you their player. For them to see just how amazing you are, and how great we are together.”
Ilya felt the shift in Shane’s facial muscles as he spoke, and he knew he was smiling now. “I’m excited for that too. I can’t wait to score my first goal here. For us to score together.”
“Yes. You assisting on my goals will be nice.”
Shane smacked Ilya’s chest lightly and moved back just enough to look at him in the dark. “I think you’ll get apples on mine too, this isn’t a one-way thing.”
Ilya leaned in and nudged Shane’s nose with his own. “Look at you with fancy hockey talk.”
Shane laughed and Ilya kissed him awkwardly through it. “I am more excited for this every day,” Ilya confessed after they’d traded a few more kisses. “Getting to kiss you whenever I want. Going to bed together. No road trips and counting down to when I see you again.”
“Me too. That’s definitely the best part of all this. Whatever happens, I get to wake up with you every day.” Shane kissed him once more before turning his back to Ilya’s chest, staying close this time and feeling more relaxed in Ilya’s arms.
“Everything will be fine tomorrow. I am not worried.”
Ilya kissed Shane’s temple and kept him close as he fell asleep. He really couldn’t wait until everyone saw just how amazing his husband was.