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“DAMNIT” Blake cursed for the third time; he just could not get the words to flow right in this song. He knew it was pushing it close to when it needed to be done but something was blocking his creativity right now. In a fit of absolute frustration, he grabbed the glass of water he’d poured himself and flung it against the back wall.
The curse alone, both the screaming part and the third time in less than ten minutes part, was enough to send his wife in to check on him, but the crash made Miranda run for the studio doors. She saw her husband sitting slumped over his guitar, looking like the epitomy of epic failure. Usually she would laugh, anything to help lighten his mood, but today even she couldn’t pretend that something wasn’t wrong, really wrong and that it had been for a while. Finally she came to a decision and strode purposefully to stand in front of her husband. Miranda waited patiently for him to finally give up and look at her before taking a deep breath and just letting it all out.
“You can not keep doing this to yourself. Blake, please, it’s not worth it. Why don’t you just f-“
“NO!” Blake interrupted; if possible, it seemed as though he collapsed even more in on himself, “Miranda, please. I know you don’t like it and I can’t tell you how sorry I am, but please, please, don’t tell me to forget him ‘cause I can’t.”
“Fuck him.” Miranda finished, like her husband’s interruption had never happened. She watched as Blake’s head shot up and he stared at her with a mix of shock and utter loss of what to do next. Figuring that she’d already said the worst of it she might as well continue.
“You can’t write anymore, sweetheart; your mind is always gone somewhere else, even when you’re here with me you’re thinking about him.” Seeing that he was about to try and argue, Miranda pulled out her trump card, “Oh, and honey, I know about the dreams too.”
Blake just sat there; it seemed as though he’d been frozen in place. His wife was right, of course: he wasn’t writing even though he was itching to; he couldn’t spend more than twelve hours without hearing his voice, even if it was just a taped interview; and he was dreaming of him. Sleeping next to his hot wife who he still loved dearly wasn’t enough for him not to think about him. Even now he all he could think about was him, even while he was trying to write a song for his wife for their anniversary.
“You could, you know.” Miranda’s voice cut though her husband’s thoughts, but even now all Blake could think about was his voice, what he’d sound like right now, if he’d look as pretty as she did now. “I wouldn’t like it, per say, but you’d have my permission, if that what it takes to get him out of your system.”
That was all it took and he started laughing, not a happy laugh but a choked, kind of mournful sound. Miranda reached down and pulled his guitar away, placing it safely to the side and moving to sit on the stool next to him, taking his large hands in her’s while she waited for his almost-hysteria to die down. This had not been the reaction that she’d been expecting, so she was at something of a loss for how to deal with it. Finally, after what seemed like forever of just being there for him, her husband calmed down and turned to face her. What he did say next Miranda honestly could say didn’t surprise her, not exactly anyway, but it certainly wasn’t what she was expecting, not that she’d rally had any idea what to expect when she’d rehearsed giving her husband permission to cheat on their marriage with another man in the bathroom this morning.
“Miranda, darlin’, I can’t.” It looked, for s second that he’d had something more to say, but Blake shut down again. Honestly, Miranda thought she preferred Blake’s laughter to this, as creepy as it had been. She also realized that this would be harder than it initially appeared; she knew what she had to say next and knew that she couldn’t get out of doing it since she was the one who’d started this whole mess.
“You love him, don’t you.” They both were a bit surprised by the fact that her voice was so steady. They both also knew she wasn’t asking a question and there was only one right answer.
“Maybe I shoulda said something earlier Mir, but I… couldn’t” Blake finished lamely. He’d known going into his marriage that he was beginning to care too much for him, but he’d hadn’t had the courage to tell her, hadn’t had the courage to try living a different way, and, facing facts, marrying Miranda gave him some stability in the county music industy.
Miranda was quiet as well; she knew there was a chance that she’d just ruined their marriage, that she’d pushed him too far, but it wasn’t fair. Things between them had been wrong for a while now, and they weren’t happy. Blake was pretty miserable which made her feel worse for not being what he needed; maybe now, whatever the outcome, they could move forward and be what they needed to be.
“You think about him all the time.”
“Yup. Can’t help it. If I go to him Miranda, touch him, kiss him, hold him, I don’t know if I can leave.” She nodded. She’d grown to accept that this was a possibility, and, in the past ten minutes, realized that she maybe wasn’t as torn up about this as she should be. “I still love you; hell, I’m still attracted to you and you know it, but I can’t help but need him. You know what? I’m still not even sure if he feels the same.”
Miranda had to laugh at that. They flirted together, on national tele and international broadcast all the damn time. Blake laughed at that too, but it only happened ‘cause he was married, ‘safe’ he muttered darkly. Miranda was still laughing; it was contagious and they both were soon smiling together, going over their favourite moments that the two men had had together on the show, in the interviews.
“He does mean it, Blake. He does love you, and body language does not lie, he’s into you at least. Give in and kiss him, it’s ok to lose control now, you both have my blessing. It won’t be cheating if it’s him. ” She could see he wanted to argue that, badly, but she cut him off with a quick kiss of her own, “we can figure out the rest later; for now, go out and have fun tomorrow night and DON’T WORRY, the rest we’ll figure out as we go along.”