Chapter Text
"Fulfill your deepest desires?"
The taxi driver nodded at the reflection of Hokuto in his rear view mirror.
The elderly man laughed as he brought his attention back to the rural winding roads once seeing Hokuto's doubtful expression.
"That's right! I bet you don't believe me, do you?"
"I'm sorry… but your story is very interesting," Hokuto apologized, holding down his bag in the seat next to them as the car rocked back and forth on the unpaved road.
"I wasn't aware that there were such legends here."
"Not many are," the man grinned. "You don't see too many people coming up here just for this place. I bet there would be a lot more business if word got around."
Hokuto gazed out his window, watching the passing thick of trees as the driver continued to ascend up the mountain to their destination.
"I guess so…"
Hokuto didn't know that there were suspicious tales about where he would be staying… Actually, Hokuto didn't know anything at all about where he was staying. Kochi had just shoved the voucher in his hands and told him to go.
Lately, Kochi had been frequently receiving offers for a free night at campsites and rooms at onsen. With the rising popularity of his articles, owners would reach out in the hopes that he would mention their establishment to encourage more travelers to visit. The carefully decorated voucher in Hokuto's hand was just one of the few he had received last month.
After a night of listening to Hokuto drunkenly complain and rant about his work, Kochi insisted he take it.
"Just take it. Just relax and enjoy it. All I ask is that you tell me how it is after you come back," is all Kochi said before giving him a warm smile and slipping the envelope in Hokuto's briefcase.
Hokuto couldn't really say no. Mostly because he was too drunk at the time to fight back, but also Kochi didn't typically enjoy using coupons or vouchers anyways. He claimed that paying for the location was part of the experience. The vouchers just eventually get lost on his desk before inevitably ending up in the trash. It had much more use in Hokuto's hands.
Also the tension in Hokuto's back told him he could really use the break.
When they reached the top of the hill, a large inn greeted them.
It was quite the spectacle. The building looked aged with its elaborate traditional architecture and the greenery that surrounded and slowly swallowed it, but it appeared sturdy and well loved with newly installed glass front.
Hokuto bowed, thanking the driver after paying and retrieving his luggage from the trunk himself, smiling and laughing lightly, refusing the elderly driver who tried to insist on doing it for him.
When Hokuto went inside, he found himself raising his chin, marveling with his mouth cracked open at the delicate woodwork that respected traditions but with modern resilience.
He blinked and shut his jaw when the woman dressed in a kimono bowed her head to him from behind the front desk as he entered.
"One guest?"
Hokuto bowed back, smiling awkwardly as he made quick steps to approach the desk. "Ah. Yes. It's under Kochi Yugo, but I believe he called ahead to say that it will be transferred to Matsumura," Hokuto said as he pulled the voucher from his bag.
The woman took paper, immediately recognizing it as she gave him a warm smile.
"Yes. Matsumura Hokuto, is that correct?"
Hokuto nodded, watching her turn to fetch his key from the numbered shelves behind her.
"Your room is number 6A. Just down at the end of the hall on the right. Let me take you."
"Thank you."
Hokuto waited for the woman to step out from behind the counter before she held out her hand gracefully, directing him down the correct corridor.
"You have the room with the private spring," she explained as she led him past paper screens and sliding doors. "There is a room connected to yours, so you may be sharing with another guest, but I assure you that otherwise, it's quite private. I will show you the screen that can separate the bath."
The woman unlatched the lock with the sizable iron key before leading Hokuto inside his room.
Before Hokuto could even set down his suitcase, he was amazed.
The room was much larger than it needed to be for one guest. If he had to guess, it was most likely used for couples or small families to share on special occasions based simply on its size. It overlooked a vast view of the forest he was driven through with the sea peeking from behind it.
The front of the room had sets of sliding double doors. Two were placed together, one made of glass for the view and the other for privacy, both leading out to the engawa while another was at the room's center, separating the living area with a table and chairs and the space that would later become the bedroom.
Hokuto knew Kochi had influence for his work, but this was more than he had imagined…
This was definitely worth far more than Hokuto would ever be willing to spend for just a one night get away for himself…
The woman led him outside and onto the engawa where the cool breeze sent a shiver down his back before the warm steam from the hot spring washed over him.
“In the fall weather, it is quite cold so please do be careful when using the bath,” she smiled as she showed Hokuto where everything was to use it. “The steam may become thick, but don’t worry, it’s completely normal.”
The hot spring was placed between his room and a mirrored version of it beside it. As she had mentioned before, there was a screen available for privacy, though its large face disrupted the wide stretch of scenery.
Hokuto really couldn’t complain if he had to share. Even if it turned out that a full family was going to be sharing the same spring as him, it would still be far less people than a public bath.
Especially when he wasn’t paying for it.
“Will there be anything else?” she asked by the door after very thoroughly explaining everything in the room to him.
Hokuto shook his head and waved a hand. “No, thank you. You’ve already been very helpful.”
She gave him another grateful bow as she thanked him. “Dinner will be ready around 7 pm. We will knock before we enter.”
With the quiet click of the door, Hokuto was left alone.
Hokuto let out a deep sigh as he finally let his heavy bag slip from his shoulder to the floor, letting it take him down with it. He sprawled down alongside it, back flat on the smooth tatami flooring.
All he could hear was the soft flowing of water from spring and the beating of his own heart as he stared up at the dark wooden ceiling. In the silence, his body slowly surrendered to his stress as every muscle began to feel the aches and pains it had dulled during his last project to give him a fighting chance of finishing it, but now as he relaxed, all it finally sank in as his neck and back started to tense from the pain.
He needed this more than he thought…
Hokuto threw his hand over his bag, patting around blindly to search for his phone, only finding it once he had managed to knock it over and nearly spill all his things from the top.
He checked the time.
He had about an hour and a half before dinner arrived.
Hokuto dropped his arm, allowing it to flop back onto the mats with his phone knocking out from his hand.
He might as well use the hot spring…
After giving himself another ten minutes on the floor, Hokuto dragged his sore body off the ground to change and wash.
The breeze was indeed cold as Hokuto went to the bath. He shivered from the chill before his skin burned from the stark change in temperature as he entered the water.
He hissed as he slowly sank in, but the heat that seeped into his muscles felt good. All the tension in his body began to melt in the warmth as he slowly adjusted to the heat. The water reached his chin as he set his head back on the smooth rock and watched the sky that just began to change colors with the white wisps from the bath drifting over him.
When he raised his hand from the surface, the water felt smooth between his fingers as steam rose from his skin.
As he watched the droplets fall from his fingertips and his body began to relax, he thought back on what the driver had told him on their way up.
“People who visit this onsen are able to fulfill their deepest desires…”
Hokuto whispered the man’s own words to himself softly.
“... Deepest desire, huh?...”
The man had told him stories, though they were probably better referred to as rumors, of those who had used the hot springs.
A daughter had her mother's knee healed. A man's sickness disappeared. A woman finally carried a child after years. His stories were endless.
While the sound of having your deepest desires answered seemed wonderful, Hokuto wasn't even sure what his could be.
He and his family were healthy and it wasn't like he had a wife or a partner to have trouble conceiving… Not needing to sleep?... Endless cash?… A job where he didn’t have to work? Work that didn’t feel like work? Never having to work again?...
He sighed, his breath swirling with the steam from the water.
They all felt trivial and hardly worth what could be called a 'deepest desire'. Hokuto really couldn’t say what it possibly was.
Even after his mind's eye saw a quarter second of a memory before it was lost, flooded over with his other thoughts.
It was all just rumors anyways… It was a waste of time to ponder so deeply of what may or may not, though most likely not, would come after his stay at the inn.
But it wasn't like it wasn't interesting to at least wonder about.
Hokuto splashed his face with the water, feeling the softness it left behind from the natural minerals on his skin.
It was probably about the right time to get ready for dinner.
As Hokuto stood from the water, quickly covering himself with his towel, the mirrored room beside his caught his eye.
There was a light.
It was softened and dimmed from the screen door, but he could see the amber glow from behind it.
When the woman had shown him around before, the room seemed empty, but there was no mistake that now a light was on inside.
Hokuto would have been lying if he said he wasn't hoping someone wouldn't occupy the room, but he knew better than to be selfish. He quickly went inside before the chill settled on his skin, dressing himself before his dinner arrived using the hotel yukata and hanten over it.
When he answered the knock on his door, a young girl came in with trays to set the table placed in the middle of his room.
He tried to busy himself with something in his bag to not give her the pressure of watching eyes as he waited. The girl couldn't have been any older than 19… She must have been a daughter of the owners and helped on her days off. She looked nervous, but also familiar with the service as she moved quickly to set the dishes in place.
"Um…"
She nearly flinched at the sound of Hokuto's voice.
He was hoping to relieve the tension with small talk, but it only seemed to make her more nervous.
He apologized internally, but it was too late now… If he stopped talking, it would only make the experience for her worse.
"Uh… It's pretty cold, huh?..." he smiled as he took out his book from his bag.
She gave him a blank stare before hesitantly nodding and scurrying to receive the next plate.
Well, some of Hokuto's conversations had certainly been worse…
He returned his attention to his bag after his failed attempt at conversation, figuring it would be better to just let her finish her work than to bother her, but she returned the favor, almost making Hokuto jump when she spoke up.
"I-it gets cold at night… If you need us to turn up the heat or bring another blanket, we're more than happy to do that for you," she said formally, though her eyes were focused only on the dishes she set down and not on him.
"Ah… Yes… Thank you."
"Of course."
Hokuto let her finish in silence before she called him over to explain each dish in detail. He gave her a bow of thank you as she did the same at the door, her tray clutched to her chest.
"Uh. Is it okay if I ask something?" Hokuto said as she went to reach for the door handle.
She blinked, but nodded, waiting patiently for Hokuto's question.
"Um… Would it be possible to ask how many people are staying next door?"
Really, Hokuto didn't mind sharing the springs.
If it was another man, it would be fine. Even if it was a woman, it didn't bother him though it would be more comfortable if they used the screen, but if it was a family with children, he wanted to at least know so he could shut his doors before a crowd used the bath.
He watched as the girl peeked out the door into the hall for a second before turning back with a puzzled look on her face.
"... Um… I believe that room is empty…"
Hokuto felt a chill run down his spine.
There were horror stories like this. Where a person hears a noise or sees a figure, assuming that it was just another person only to learn later than the room was empty the whole time, but Hokuto had to use logic.
It was a light.
Just a light.
Anyone could have entered the room to turn on a light.
"Ah. Is that so." He tried to laugh it off and keep the worst of his imagination at bay. "Thank you, that's all I needed."
The girl left, leaving him to enjoy his dinner. While it was delicious, he wished that he wasn't so on edge so that he could truly enjoy it.
Monsters. Ghosts. Murderers. Stalkers. All and everything.
All the horror stories that he was ever told and every scary movie he had ever watched came to the forefront of his mind, making every bump and every creak tense his hands and the hair on his neck stand on end.
Using common sense, it was nothing. It was an old building with people occupying it. A whining of wood or a thump in the flooring was normal and expected in these conditions.
But every sound felt like it was coming from the room that was empty.
That was supposed to be empty…
Hokuto played videos on his phone while he ate to cover the silence that only amplified the straining of the building. It distracted him, but once his dinner was done, quickly he left to wander somewhere that wasn't his room.
As he roamed somewhere that didn't have solitary silence, he found the inn wasn't empty, but it also wasn't lively like a popular inn close to the city on a holiday. There was the occasional couple or small family as he walked by the common area with comfortable looking seating or the group of friends that used the table tennis set on the side. It was far from full, but not even close to being considered empty. Seeing the other guests was enough to settle Hokuto's heart and for him to have a reason why the noises came from the room around him.
He bought a drink from the vending machine to give his walk a purpose before returning to his room.
Another soak in the hot spring and reading the rest of the night with a drink sounded like a great way to spend the rest of his stay.
When he opened his door, the colors of the sunset were flooding the room. He winced from the sudden burst of light, but it was beautiful as lines and shifting streams played with the burnt colors of the sun from the glass doors and mist. The ceiling was also colored by the sunset as it reflected off the water, projecting slow rippling waves on the dark wood.
It was entrancing as Hokuto stepped in, letting his own shape cut through the light as his shadow stretched over the floor.
It was a quiet tranquility that Hokuto had never felt before.
It felt like his heart was empty, but full at the same time.
He went to the glass door, sliding it open quietly as if the shifting of the wooden frames would be enough to ruin the peace created by nature.
When the fresh breeze flowed over him, he felt cleansed as he closed his eyes, letting the sounds of fluttering leaves and the clear flow of water surround him.
It was peaceful and serene.
Until he heard the sound of footsteps.
Hokuto kept his eyes closed, wanting to believe it was his mind playing tricks on him, but the steps only continued instead of fading into the sounds of nature, making it undeniable that each step was real.
The first thing he saw when he finally cracked open his eyes was steam, thick and billowing from the water, nearly swallowing the base of the hot spring with it.
When Hokuto saw the shadow that was casting through it, his pulse began to rise and pound through his veins.
It couldn't be anything else…
There was a person standing at the other side of the hot spring.
When there wasn't supposed to be.
As the mist began to clear, Hokuto's mind raced.
It had to be a person who lost their way and somehow got into the private springs... Or it was a staff member just checking on the water. Or just anything else that wasn't there to possibly rob or hurt him.
There should be nothing to be afraid of.
But Hokuto's thoughts got the worst of him as he remembered the horror stories.
A ghost that couldn't rest. A demon looking for a sacrifice. A monster looking for flesh.
His brain stayed calm, knowing the supernatural didn't exist, but his heart was racing, ready to flee.
Yet, his feet stayed still, watching as the mist grew thinner and the shadow slowly took form.
He watched until the mist cleared, leaving only the truth behind the shape.
"....... K-Kyomoto?"
Beyond the water was a man looking out over the view from behind the low wooden fence that blocked the steep slope behind it.
The man had a head full of pale blonde hair that Hokuto couldn't forget.
And when he turned, he revealed himself to be exactly who Hokuto had thought.
Even after all these years, somehow Hokuto could still recognize his back so vividly.
"Matsumura?" Taiga blinked as waded through the fading mist, approaching like a vision in the setting sunlight.
The small smile that grew on his lips made Hokuto's heart clench.
"So you're my neighbor? I would have never thought," Taiga chuckled as he pulled his hanten tighter around himself.
"It's been a long time."
Hokuto's eyes wandered over Taiga in front of him, still not really believing this all was real.
"Yeah…"
"Very long."
It had been years since he had seen Kyomoto Taiga face to face.
The last time was college graduation when he and their friends had celebrated, blinding themselves with drinks as they made themselves sick.
He could remember the poor excuse for a goodbye they shared before he didn't see him again.
All it was was a shared glance over Juri's shoulder as he was pushed out the front door to be shoved into a cab.
Taiga barely raised his hand as a goodbye which Hokuto couldn't return. At the time, he didn't even know if it was for him.
Even now, he didn't know.
He and Taiga were an 'almost' that became a 'maybe' before finally finishing at a 'never'.
In high school, Hokuto thought at some point, maybe Taiga had felt the same as they hid together on the school roof before Juri and Shintaro would find them, bursting into the small space they had made for themselves only for brief moments.
When they talked quietly about their dreams and when their hands brushed or shoulders bumped, neither of them moved away. When Hokuto heard a laugh he thought was only saved for him.
Hokuto knew how he felt.
He just wasn't sure how Taiga did.
But he could make his best guess when Taiga stopped meeting him on the roof. No matter how long Hokuto waited.
In college it was no better.
Their majors were different as Hokuto studied literature and Taiga pursued music.
They met every once in a while when Jesse called them all together for drinks or when Kochi invited them for dinner.
They never got close except for once, when Hokuto had woken up beside Taiga in his own bed. The rest of their friends were scattered across the floor of his small apartment after Shintaro and Jesse brought liquor to what was supposed to be just a simple gathering on a weekend.
The early morning was quiet aside from the heavy sleeping from his friends.
But Hokuto could only hear the soft gentle breaths that left Taiga's lips that were so close he could nearly feel them on his own.
Hokuto had spent all of college forgetting him, letting go of those moments they would never have again. Burying the way Taiga made him feel with just a glance.
But after that, he knew that he couldn't.
Then there was the goodbye that could hardly be called a goodbye.
Since then, Hokuto hadn't seen him again.
He saw the large posters and videos that played on the wide screens in the city, announcing Taiga's new international piano performances with a large orchestra playing behind him. His light colored hair was dazzling in comparison to the deep brown Hokuto had seen last.
It was almost like Taiga had haunted him while he felt so small, getting lost in the floods of people that passed him on the street.
It was like he was just a dream.
But Taiga was here.
Now.
In front of him smiling like no time had passed.
"Uh- Um… Have you used the bath yet?" Hokuto stammered.
After years of business formalities and cordial small talk, Hokuto would have thought that he would have better words to say, but Taiga made all the past years disappear.
"I have. It's very nice. Were you thinking about going in again?"
"No," Hokuto lied. "I went in earlier but I think I'm okay for now."
Taiga smiled, making Hokuto's heart skip.
"Then… Do you feel like talking?... Or were you hoping to spend your time alone? I don't want to-"
Taiga had looked over his shoulder at his room on the other side, but Hokuto's panicked mind read it as him leaving.
Taiga turned back when Hokuto grabbed his wrist.
It was as thin as he remembered.
"Talking…" Hokuto swallowed hard as Taiga's eyes met his.
"Talking sounds good."
Taiga sat down on the engawa as Hokuto went to the phone to call for some drinks and hide the vending machine tea he had bought before.
Thank god Taiga said yes to having alcohol because, boy, did Hokuto need it.
All he had to do was pretend like it was back in high school when they talked all the time. That there was no pressure from the feelings he buried deep inside and everything was perfectly normal.
Easier said than done.
"Warm sake? Of course. We'll get that for you," the voice over the phone replied.
"How many cups will you need?"
"Two please…"
Hokuto took the tray from the man who came to the door to bring it over to where Taiga sat, gazing at the sky that began to color deep purples and reds as it fell past the horizon.
Hokuto set the tray next on the other side of himself, leaving the space between him and Taiga free.
"... It feels like some kind of miracle that you're here." Taiga spoke softly as Hokuto filled the small cups with the clear sake. "I've been thinking about the past a lot lately…"
Taiga wasn't alone in that thought.
Hokuto also felt that this was some miracle.
Hokuto held the cup out to him from the rim. Taiga thanked him as he took the cup from the bottom to hold in his lap.
Taiga held it out again when Hokuto took his own cup.
"Cheers?..."
Hokuto hesitated only for a moment before raising his and clinking it softly against Taiga's.
"Cheers."
They both took their cups to their lips and swallowed the contents down.
The sake went down smooth, leaving only a burn at the bottom of Hokuto's throat and stomach. He didn't ask the price of the sake when he ordered it, but he knew that it wouldn't be covered by Kochi's voucher.
It didn't matter. He had bigger worries than the price of the alcohol he was consuming.
"Do you remember when Juri got in a fight with that third year in high school?" Taiga asked as he held out his glass for Hokuto to fill again.
Hokuto spoke as he turned to set down the bottle on the tray after giving them both another round.
"The girl?"
Taiga laughed as he raised his cup to take another sip. "Right. It was because he rejected her friend's love letter, wasn't it? I think she was in our class."
"Juri handed it back to her during lunch with everyone else around saying in that drawl of his 'I don't need this.' She had every reason to be upset. Anyone would have cried if they had gotten embarrassed like that."
"Well we both know Juri isn't really known for his tact. He deserved to get punched by her," Hokuto muttered, watching his drink swirl as he turned his cup.
"I think so too."
Talking about the past was easy.
Reflecting on their old mistakes and the rambunctious youth of them and their friends was fun and simple to talk about.
Hokuto could smile and laugh as Taiga recalled his memories which Hokuto could remember so clearly as if they were his own.
When Kochi pushed Jesse off the dock in the summer.
When Shintaro ate three bowls of ramen after his first girlfriend dumped him.
When Jesse and Shintaro nearly fought over a misunderstanding with tears in their eyes when they were both drunk.
When their cheering was louder than the families when Hokuto won his karate tournament.
When Kochi carried Taiga home on his back.
When Juri nearly sobbed at their graduation party when he drunkenly rambled about their future.
The sake felt like it was endless as they talked until the sun was gone and the stars shined brightly above them. The moon illuminated their laps with only the small lamp giving a warm light from inside Hokuto's room.
A momentary lull settled in their conversation as Hokuto filled Taiga's cup again.
Hokuto's body felt warm from the alcohol running through his blood. He wasn't drunk, it was just a comfortable buzz that made sitting next to Taiga again manageable.
But maybe it was just enough to bring himself to finally look at the man beside him.
Taiga was as pale as he remembered and the moonlight only made his skin seem to glow. His cheeks were tinted pink from the sake as he smiled into his cup.
He almost looked like a painting with warm light coloring his back.
When Taiga's lips parted to speak, Hokuto's fingers tightened around his cup.
"... Is it okay if I call you Hokuto again?"
The sound of his own name from Taiga's lips made his insides turn.
It had been so long since Taiga had said his name.
He only said it when they were alone in high school.
It stopped when they stopped ever being together alone.
"Sure..."
When Taiga's eyes met his, Hokuto felt all the feelings he swallowed down and suppressed come welling back up as it overtook him.
Taiga was beautiful.
He was more beautiful than when he fell in love with him the first time all the way back when and every time after that.
Taiga's eyes wandered as he gave a shy laugh.
"... Will you call me by my name too?..."
Hokuto was falling.
He was falling in love with Taiga all over again as if had ever stopped.
His nails scratched into the porcelain cup as he fought to make his voice work.
He was barely able to croak out the word from his throat.
"... Now?..."
They both stared at the space between them, their hands just inches away from their fingertips brushing.
Taiga chuckled softly as his finger curled, drawing just slightly away.
"It doesn't have to be now… Just when it feels right…"
"But now… Now… would be nice…"
Hokuto felt like he had forgotten how to use his body.
He had said it once before on the roof.
So then why was it so difficult now?
He could only bring himself to barely say it, whispering it on his breath. Just that alone was almost too much for Hokuto to handle.
But Taiga's airy laugh made it all worth it.
He had missed the sound of his laugh so much… He had almost forgotten how much he loved it.
"How nostalgic…" Taiga smiled to himself.
"It really takes me back…"
Hokuto clenched his jaw, trying to steady himself and push it all back down as he emptied his cup.
But when Hokuto felt Taiga's head set onto his shoulder, it all came undone.
He tried to keep his hands from shaking as Taiga's hair fell over the curve of his shoulder and his warmth began to seep into his skin.
"You know… Hokuto…"
Hokuto could hear Taiga's cup set on the wooden floor below them as he spoke softly.
"I've… always loved you."
Hokuto's breathing stopped.
Did he really hear him right?...
After everything and all the years that passed, could he really believe what Taiga said was true?
It was like a dream.
It didn't feel real.
Not even when Taiga nuzzled his cheek against him.
"Ever since high school… I could never bring myself to say it but…" Taiga laughed softly.
"Maybe it's the alcohol… but it's true…"
It went silent for a moment as Hokuto became overwhelmed by the sound of his own heart pounding hard in his chest. His head was spinning as he fought to regain control against his own doubts and the poison in his blood.
Hokuto still felt like he was dreaming.
He never imagined that words like this would leave Taiga's lips.
His lungs only filled with air once Taiga lifted his cheek from his shoulder to look up at him before starting to draw away.
"... I'm sorry… Was that wrong? I just thought that-"
"No-!…" Hokuto shouted before softly repeating himself.
"No…"
His heart was bursting.
Even still as he put his hand over Taiga's between them and their eyes met, Hokuto wondered if at any moment, he would wake up.
"No… I-..."
His brow furrowed as Taiga watched his eyes, worried.
"Me too..."
"I loved you…"
"I still love you…"
When they last saw each other, when their eyes caught each other's one last time after years of avoiding one another, Hokuto vowed he would never speak a word of this. That he would never tell the truth in his heart and simply let it die with age.
Hokuto had locked it up and buried it deep inside. Day by day it sank and slowly faded until it felt like those days on the roof didn't happen and Taiga was just a familiar face somewhere distant.
But Taiga's words dug it all back up.
"I've loved you for so long I just… I didn't think you felt the same…"
When Hokuto reached up to hold Taiga's cheek, Taiga leaned into it, pressing into his palm.
"Hokuto…"
Taiga moved closer.
Hokuto did as well.
Even amongst the breathtaking scenery and the thousands of stars that blanketed over the dark sky, Hokuto didn't find anything as beautiful as the man in front of him.
The water played with the moonlight, reflecting its gentle waves onto Taiga's skin.
Hokuto couldn't bring himself to close the last breath of space between them, even after Taiga looked down at his lips and smoothed his hand onto his knee.
He felt a lump grow in his throat, feeling Taiga's breath against his lips like that morning as he whispered just centimeters away from his.
"... Are you going to kiss me?..."
Hokuto brushed his thumb over his cheek, loving the way his soft skin felt under his touch.
"Do you want me to?..."
Taiga's eyes closed.
"Please..."
Hokuto's heart burst.
Before, during, and after they kissed.
It was better than any of the waking dreams Hokuto had of this moment. There was no veil between dreams and reality when Taiga's lips met his in his fantasies, but it felt like nothing when he woke.
But this was real.
It was all so real from how soft his lips were against his, to how Taiga leaned in and caught his lips again and how Taiga's fingers felt threading through his hair behind his neck.
Hokuto only pulled away to tilt the other way and press their lips together again.
It was slow and soft, treasuring each as it happened, their lips rocking and easing against each other's.
When Hokuto pushed hard, crushing their lips together, Taiga chuckled as he threw his arms around his neck before pulling him down with him, their lips not separating for a second.
Hokuto followed as Taiga's back laid flat on the wood, leaning over him as he kissed him again and again under the moonlight. Taiga gripped his hands at the hanten on Hokuto's back as Hokuto cradled Taiga's neck, placing the other at Taiga's hip.
Hokuto's heart had never been so full.
He never thought it could ever be this full, swelling and overflowing as Taiga smiled against his lips and trailed his fingers Hokuto had watched on large city screens along his jaw.
He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much as he caught Taiga's bottom lip between his with Taiga's fingers dipping under his collar.
Hokuto loved him.
No matter how many times he had tried to convince himself he wasn't.
As the night grew cold, they moved to Hokuto's futon where Taiga didn't wait a second to curl into Hokuto's chest even before Hokuto could pull the cover over both of them. Hokuto smiled as his heart warmed, slowly easing his arm under Taiga's head as his pillow which Taiga gratefully accepted with a lingering kiss on his chin.
Hokuto folded Taiga tight in his arms, tangling his fingers in the blonde hair that was just as soft as he had imagined. When he felt Taiga wrap his arms around his center, Hokuto pressed a kiss to his crown before tucking his head under his chin.
Taiga whispered quietly into his skin.
"I love you, Hokuto."
Hokuto buried his nose into his hair and said words he never thought he would be able to say.
"I love you too, Taiga..."
Hokuto slept the deepest he ever had that night.
Dreamless and heavy.
Maybe simply because all the dreams he had already happened.
Even in the cool fall weather, he stayed warm through the night.
And when he woke up, his arms were empty.
Hokuto shivered as he waited for the train, surrounded by the morning work rush that was bundled up for the cooling weather.
It had been two weeks since he woke up in his futon alone.
He didn't understand.
Had he done something wrong?
Did he say something wrong?...
He didn't know because he had no way of finding out.
Every trace of Taiga from that night was gone. Even the room beside his was already cleaned and ready for who would be staying there next.
All Hokuto had was the empty sake flask and the two cups that sat beside it.
Though one of them seemingly appeared unused.
Hokuto felt like an idiot searching around the small inn at the chance he might find Taiga simply enjoying his morning, smiling and asking him how he slept, only to find nothing.
And when he went by the front desk, the key for room 6B was in its box.
It was like he wasn't even there.
But Hokuto swore he was there.
It was his voice and his heat.
And his kiss.
It didn't make sense.
He thought that they had finally found each other again and they could finally start over, but this time with each other at their side.
Hokuto wasn't sure what hurt most.
Never having it or having it once, and knowing what was lost.
It was haunting him.
Hokuto stared at the yellow line in front of him as the voice over the speakers announced the arrival of the train, pulling his hazed and numbed mind to focus to at least bring him onto the train and on his way to work.
The wind whipped past him as the train sped by, slowing to a stop and letting out its passengers within.
Hokuto winced when he felt a shoulder and a case collide with.
"Ah. I'm sorry. Excuse me."
Hokuto blinked.
The man's feet stumbled when a hand suddenly grabbed his arm, pulling him back in the middle of the stream of rushing people.
He looked back at the person who grabbed him who was wide eyed with shock.
He paused before pulling down the mask from his mouth as he stared back at the person who became more familiar by the second.
"... Matsumura?..."
Hokuto's eyes wandered, still not quite taking everything in.
Taiga was dressed in dark colors with a guitar case on his back, starkly contrasting the light yukata he wore at the inn. His eyes looked tired and desperate for rest even as Hokuto held him tightly by the arm.
His hair was a deep brunette and not the shimmering blonde from before.
Hokuto didn't notice how the platform became empty as the train pulled away, missing his transportation to work.
But getting to work on time was the last thing on his mind.
"... Why?..."
"Why did you leave?"
Taiga's brows knitted as he shifted back, tightening the pull between his arm and Hokuto's hold.
"Wh-... Huh? What are you-?"
Hokuto's eyes and voice showed his desperation as his grip began to hurt, making Taiga wince.
"At the inn in Oita… You were there."
"Huh??"
Hokuto wanted to believe he was lying.
Everything would at least make sense if he was lying.
But Hokuto had seen Taiga lie before. He knew what it looked like. He knew when Taiga was telling the truth. Even after all the years.
The face Taiga had was not one of deception.
Just shock and complete utter confusion.
"M-matsumura, I-..." Taiga stuttered. "I've never been to Oita…"
"I've only been back in Japan since yesterday."