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Toge can’t sleep.
He’d been helplessly staring up at the dim plane of his ceiling for the last hour or so, wide awake in a way that should feel impossible. It wasn’t like he wasn’t tired, he was—exhausted—but it was hard to give in to the pull of sleep when all his brain wanted to do was replay the events from earlier that evening.
They’d returned from a mission drained, ready to clean up, and sink into their respective beds. Before they could do that, however, an overly large hand attached to an overly long arm attached to their overly tall teacher had reached out, grabbed Yuuta by the shoulder, and stopped them all dead in their tracks.
Gojo smiled with a sort of smile that felt wrong and told them he was so, so sorry, but Yuuta needed to come with him. Relocate for some additional observation. You know, for safety reasons. Because of Rika and all that. Right now.
They’d protested, obviously. Immediately. With conviction.
Even if there had been a split-second moment where Yuuta’s confidence fell and the overwhelming clawing energy that was everything Rika was had scratched against the edges of their consciousnesses, she hadn’t gotten out, they’d done the mission successfully, Yuuta was perfectly fine, absolutely didn’t need stupid observation or whatever. Gojo needed to leave them alone so they could all just go to bed, thanks.
“I’m still having words with the higher-ups about it.” Gojo continued, “You guys will see him again tomorrow, probably. It’s just a precaution.”
“He won’t hurt us,” Panda said, like it should have been obvious.
“It’s just a precaution,” Gojo repeated, the wrong smile still plastered, unwavering, on his face.
“That hardly seems fair,” Maki scoffed. She looked from Gojo to Yuuta as the latter gave a noticeable flinch that made him look a bit like a guilty dog. “Punishing him for no reason.”
“I feel you, of all people, should understand how unfair things can be. For seemingly no reason,” Gojo retorted as he sighed slightly and tightened his grip on Yuuta’s shoulder, “But there’s nothing to be done right now. C’mon. Let’s go.”
“Um...”
At that, there was a pause. A momentary hesitation. A split-second look that crossed Yuuta’s face and clearly expressed: I’d really, really rather not. However, despite that, when Yuuta opened his mouth the only sound that came out was a soft, resigned:
“It’s fine.”
Then he turned as instructed and left, and then they were left without him. In a jarring exchange that had only been a few moments long, the sense of normality they had grown used to—Yuuta—was just… gone.
Not knowing what else to do, they had simply dispersed.
There were no jokes thrown back and forth as they began their night routines and changed into their respective pajamas, no splashes of water or playful squirts of toothpaste as they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, no small waves exchanged with smiles as they bid each other goodnight.
It all felt weird, empty, and, as Maki had said, unfair.
✶
Toge squeezes his eyes closed, hoping to force himself to think about something else, to fill this strange and sudden emptiness in his gut. But, just like before, all his brain can conjure up is Yuuta’s face again, riddled with all the different unspoken anxieties that had flared up in that moment a few hours ago... ones he was probably still dealing with right now.
Toge lets out a deep sigh and reopens his eyes. Restlessness is winning and he could identify when sleep was a lost cause. He sits up and swings his legs over the side of his bed.
The night is brisk; the cool warmth of summer nights had all but faded away as the whispers of autumn took a more prominent foothold. Toge slides the outer door of the dorm building closed with a click and pulls the jacket he’d haphazardly grabbed off his floor around him tighter. He’d left his usual face-covering in his room, not really feeling like there was a need for it.
Toge rarely took night walks, opting instead to distract himself with something on his phone or computer, but there was something unappealing about those particular options at the moment, something too familiar and not quite engaging enough. A walk would be good instead. A walk would help him move around a bit. A walk would help him stop fixating on the dimness in Yuuta’s eyes. On the sad, accepting look like he had been expecting something like this to happen. Like he knew he had almost had something good in his life, but it was too good to be true.
Toge bites at the inside of his cheek and kicks a loose pebble down the cobblestone path.
That line of thinking sucks. A lot.
The pebble bounces down the path, making a few small plinks and Toge follows the movement with his eyes. As he does, he can’t help but notice a single lit-up window in one of the far-off side buildings, further down the path. He squints. There was no real reason why any sort of light should be on anywhere, especially at this hour. His curiosity piques and he takes a few steps closer.
There’s someone in the window on the second floor, a figure, almost leaning back against it, but not quite. Their shoulders are slumped down in a way that, even from this distance, reeks of a very specific posture. Not the type many people here displayed, and one Toge could place almost immediately.
As he draws closer, he realizes that these strange buildings are staff buildings, separate from the dorm and mostly used to house on-campus and visiting teachers and as a secondary storage when needed. It was not really a place students spent time around or in.
It seemed, despite whatever sort of observation protocols were standard in these types of situations (that is, if any existed at all), Gojo had been able to loosen them and put Yuuta up in the above-ground area as opposed to some underground anti-curse bound facility. Toge exhales a relieved breath through his nose. For all their teacher was, Toge supposed he could admit that he did actually care about them… sometimes.
Absent-mindedly, he takes another shuffling step forward, and his toe bumps up against the rock he’d thrown before. As Toge’s eyes fall on it, he gets an idea.
His aim is perfect as he pitches the rock up towards the closed window. It connects with the glass and makes a small clink before falling back down to the ground.
The poor-postured figure inside turns towards the direction of the sound, clearly aware there had been some sort of something to disturb the evening but uncertain as to what.
Unfortunately, there are no additional inquiries beyond that turn of the head.
Toge bends down and grabs another couple of rocks before proceeding to plink them against the window much like the first, but this time in rapid succession.
Before Toge could throw the fifth rock, Yuuta slides the window open, hoping to stop the source of the small barrage. He glances out into the night, face lined with confusion for a few moments before his gaze shifts
downward and he sees Toge standing in the middle of the building’s outer courtyard.
“Inumaki?!” Yuuta exclaims in a surprised half-whisper.
Toge waves. A moment later, Yuuta raises his hand and waves back, then stops and shouts down to him as quietly as he can.
“What are you doing here?”
Toge simply shrugs at that question. There’s no proper way to explain the nuances of ‘well, I couldn’t sleep because the dorms felt hollow without you there and I found it incredibly difficult to stop thinking about your face’ from so far away even without the problem of limited speech.
It only took a moment, but Toge decides that being here when Yuuta was up there is going to be a consistent enough problem and he was going to have to do something about it. Yuuta seems to realize what’s about to happen before Toge even takes the first step.
“H-Hold on—You shouldn’t—You can’t—”
It takes a running start, a small jump, and then a slight kick-off boost from the wall, but Toge’s hands reach up and grab the edge of the small ledge. Yuuta balks as Toge pulls himself over and easily stands before him on the balcony outside his window.
“The teachers are all sleeping right here.”
Toge holds up a finger to his mouth and breaks into a cheshire-like grin.
Then we’ll be quiet.
“That’s not…” Yuuta trails off before repeating, “What are you doing here?”
“Takana.” Toge voices then shrugs.
I was on a walk.
“A walk…?”
“Mentaiko, tsuna.” He holds up two fingers and makes them move like little legs.
Yeah, a walk. That thing you take your two feet in and put one in front of the other.
“I know what a walk is,” Yuuta says, grabbing at Toge’s hand to stop his little pantomime, picking up on the light-hearted teasing at his own expense. His face twitches in a way that could possibly be the start of a smile, if anyone was looking close enough to catch it.
“Tsuna,” Toge says and points over his shoulder in the night. Want to join?
Yuuta stares at him. Toge stares back. The offer hangs between them with another unspoken implication.
“I’d—we’d—have to…”
Toge raises an eyebrow back at him.
“Are you really suggesting we sneak out?”
Yuuta makes the suggestion sounds like it’s the most scandalous thing the two of them could possibly do.
“But, I... I’m supposed to stay here. Under surveillance.”
Toge’s mouth quirks back into a small smile.
Well, I’ll be watching you.
✶
It takes them more than a few minutes to figure out the logistics of it all.
The solution they come up with involves Toge jumping down to the ground from the second story with ease and Yuuta jumping down much less gracefully and landing as best he can into Toge’s arms.
Once Yuuta regains his footing, Toge laces their fingers together and pulls him away from the building in a trot. It’s half to make sure they don’t actually get caught standing there, half to stop Yuuta from changing his mind despite the fact they’ve already technically committed the crime. It’s a small unspoken sentiment of ‘We’re in this together, okay?’ It’s something Toge thinks Yuuta might need right now.
Toge slows the pace down once they’re out of sight of the building, but he keeps their hands together, clasped. Then they do what has been suggested, they start walking.
Toge had hoped just being outside would help, offer some sort of respite from the newness of the room Yuuta’s been moved to, but it’s obvious Yuuta’s nowhere near calm. He’s fidgety, twitchy, looking around like he’s expecting a curse to pop out of the nearest bush.
Or worse, one of their teachers.
Another idea pops into Toge’s head. One, he thinks, he should have thought of before. It was obvious, really. He tightens his grip on Yuuta’s hand and pulls him off the main path with a jerk. Yuuta stammers at the sudden change but doesn’t resist, letting Toge take the lead on this new endeavor.
The Jujutsu Tech campus is its own self-contained entity. It’s large, grandiose, and old. It’s full of large buildings and sprawling courtyards. But it’s also full of small alcoves and uncharted paths, long forgotten and disregarded as the years pass on and generations come and go.
Toge’s been on this campus a long time. A long, long time. He’s found many such places throughout the years and laid claim to a few himself. It’s not like anyone else wanted them. Or cared.
There’s a method to finding this particular one you see: once you pass the main school building, it’s forty-five steps this way, turn and step another twelve, squeeze round the side of these two trees, pull up some of the overgrowth, bend down, and crawl through.
No one will find us here. Toge indicates as he bends down and pulls a few plants away, revealing the small hole in the brush. Yuuta swallows uncertainly, but bends down anyway.
Once they arrive in the small clearing and Toge once again hoists Yuuta up to his feet. Yuuta’s eyes widen.
This clearing is full of plants encroaching from every direction, but without being wild and unkempt. It’s curated, cultivated, obviously tended to with care and time. Wildflowers and clovers and ferns. There’s a tree too, in the middle. Old and twisted, but sturdy, extending branches above them but not so much to completely block out the sky above. A wooden swing hangs from one particularly large branch. Handmade, but still very usable.
“What is this place?” Yuuta asks in awe as he glances over at Toge, who has finally let go of his hand. Toge steps forward and opens his arms, as if welcoming a new guest to a home.
“Shake.” It’s mine. Toge smiles. “Tsunamayo.”
I made it. Sort of.
“Really?”
Toge nods and gestures. Yeah, years ago.
He walks over and tugs at the rope of the swing, testing it. Once he’s satisfied with it, looks back over at Yuuta.
I come here when everything is too much sometimes, you know?
Yuuta’s eyes widen. “You need to do that?”
The question is inquisitive. As if Yuuta had never considered those around him might not have it all together. Might not be passing day to day in ease. Might not be as perfect as they seem.
Toge just nods back. Of course he does. They all do. It’s inherently a thing Jujutsu Sorcerers need to do. It’s something they all know and are aware of about each other. No one is perfectly happy here. They’re just doing their best to make it through. And they’re here to build each other up when the world tries to push them down.
But, Toge figures, it’s easy to feel like you’re alone when you’ve almost always been alone. Even if you’re not anymore.
C’mere.
Toge beckons to Yuuta and Yuuta steps forward. Toge points down to the seat of the swing.
Sit.
There are times when Toge used to come here in a fit, swings back and forth as high as he could, pumping his legs as if he were running a marathon, trying to launch himself away from everything inside his own head. It was a way to blow off steam, allow himself to press the reset button on his own brain through exhaustion. But that’s not why he brought Yuuta here.
Toge’s hands are gentle against Yuuta’s back as he starts the swinging motion for him. Forward and back and forward again. Toge’s hands are solid, reassuring. Even when they push him away, as soon as Yuuta swings backwards, they’ll be there to catch him again.
“I think,” Yuuta says after a few minutes of rocking back and forth. “I’m bad at this.”
Toge says nothing. He just continues the rhythmic pushing, allowing Yuuta to fill the silence with whatever he has to say.
“The… everything.” Yuuta rests his head against the rope. “It’s been really nice getting to know everyone and I’m doing, okay, I guess. But at the same time, I just know I’m going to screw it up.”
Another gentle push.
“I always do. I should have realized it would just inevitably happen again. This is just… it feels like it proves it. It will be something Rika does that I can’t stop, or the fact I’m just too pathetic… You’ll all figure out some reason to hate me, eventually. I’m worth hating, I think.”
There’s something about the way Yuuta says that rubs the wrong way. Toge frowns and when Yuuta comes swinging back this time, he gives a particularly hard push forward.
“Wha—”
Yuuta stumbles out of the swing, ungracefully, a mess of limbs trying to catch itself on something that isn’t there and failing. He lands face first in the nearby patch of clover with a large Oof! Toge sits down next to him and as Yuuta rights himself, and before he can say anything, Toge starts talking. It’s a ramble of different ingredients back to back to back but he has a lot to say to this.
I don’t like when people speak badly of people I care about. Even if the one doing that is that person. We all mess up. But no one is going to hate you for it.
“You can’t guarantee—” Yuuta starts to protest, but Toge cuts him off again.
Or at the very least, I won’t hate you for it. And you don’t get to decide that I do.
Toge pauses, then adds, with as much clarity as he can:
I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me hate you.
A long silence follows. Yuuta looks at Toge and Toge looks at Yuuta. And they look at each other.
“It’s weird...” Yuuta finally says, “But I think I want to believe you.”
“Tsuna. Mentaiko.” Toge says, simply. You should, I’m always right and never wrong.
That declaration makes Yuuta snort. Toge’s eyebrows pinch. What was—
“Oh yeah, wasn’t your last math test atrocious?”
Toge’s confusion shifts into a grimace at that. One because, yes, his score was horrendous and, two, how could Yuuta even think of bringing that up, especially right now in this moment they were having? And—
But before Toge can finish that series of thoughts, Yuuta breaks into such a fit of laughter that he falls backwards into a patch of clovers with a fwump. Toge suddenly forgets to be upset.
When Yuuta’s laughter begins to subside, Toge flops down next to him. Their shoulders touch. It's just a little bit, but Yuuta looks over at him, face still showing slight remnants of amusement, finally, finally smiling himself.
Toge raises an arm up and points at the stars.
“Tsuna.” Look.
Yuuta’s eyes follow Toge’s finger and he looks up into the sky. It’s dark, but with how far they are outside of the central part of the city, it’s easy to see the light of stars against the inky black sky. They twinkle.
“I never realized just how many stars you can see out here,” Yuuta says in a whisper, taken aback in awe at the sight. Toge flicks his nose.
You always look down. Look up more.
“Yeah maybe...” Yuuta trails off with a sigh but he’s still smiling. “Thanks for making me look up for once.”
Toge just hums and snakes his hand down to squeeze Yuuta’s again. He looks over at him before deciding to look up as well.
