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"No. Uh uh. No way are you making me do this," Joker grumbled, turning away from Kara to focus his attention back on the flashing lights and buttons on the flight panel.
"Aww, c'mon, Joker! It'll be fun and something to get everyone's mind off the fact that we'll be heading through the Omega 4 Mass Relay soon. Besides, we've got non humans on board and they don't have a Halloween. Grunt's been peppering me with questions about what to do, what to wear," Kara grinned at her husband.
"Then you can go to the party. Ain't no way I'm parading around in some idiotic costume," he muttered, watching her from the corner of his green eyes.
"What if I let you choose our costumes? Would you be willing to go then?"
"You really want me to go to this thing, don't you? Shit… fine, fine, I'll do it. Just remember you said I get to pick out what we wear. Get married and next thing you know you gotta be sociable when you don't wanna be," Joker griped.
"I love you," she laughed and kissed his cheek. "Party is next week. A bit early for the holiday but better late than never."
He caught the flash of worry in her eyes as she straightened up and his hand went to the baby bulge that had made itself known in the month and a half since they were married. He felt the twins ripple beneath the skin and his lips curved into a soft smile.
"I love you too. Now shoo while I try to find something suitable for us to wear," Joker said, giving her belly a light caress before turning back to the panel and pulling up the extranet on one of the side screens. Rolling her eyes, Kara smirked and slipped out of the cockpit, leaving her husband to his work.
"You surprise me, Mr. Moreau," EDI stated. "I did not believe she would fall for your trick."
"I knew she would. It was the only failsafe way I could think of that would get her into the costume I had picked out."
"You do realize that if Shepard orders me to open an airlock for your subsequent removal, she is the commanding officer and I can do nothing else but to follow her direction?"
"Believe me, EDI, she won't kick my ass out the airlock. She might want to, but she won't," he grinned.
"If you say so, Mr. Moreau," the AI replied.
"I do say so."
*****
"Oh hell no! No no no no no! You're messed, totally messed in the head, Joker! You can't believe I'd actually wear that!" Kara snapped, her eyes going between the costume lying on the bed and her husband who was lounging on the nearby couch.
"Hey, you said that I could pick out the costume if I agreed to come to this thing."
"I take it back. You don't have to go. Hell I don't have to go."
"Nope, you already promised the crew you'd show up. Can't get out of it now, love."
"I'm so gonna break you for this," she growled.
"I hope not. I have plans for the two of us once we're finished at the party since I know I won't be able to keep my eyes off you," he whispered in her ear as he approached her from behind, nipping lightly on the lobe. Kara chuckled and rolled her eyes as she turned in his arms, wrapping her own around his neck.
"I'll find some way to make you pay for this."
"I'd be surprised if you didn't," he laughed.
"Well I'd better get dressed if we want to make the party. I'm so never gonna live this down."
*****
The elevator doors opened up into a crowd of humans and non-humans, all dressed up in varying costumes. A few whistles and catcalls filled the air as Kara left the elevator with Joker. Her cheeks flushed red and she shot Joker a dark look before stepping off the elevator. He grinned at her and followed behind, readjusting the deep red and black satin smoking jacket that perfectly draped his frame.
Kara tugged on the back side of her costume, trying to make sure it wouldn't creep up and give her a wedgie. She cursed as, while she did that, the top half of the outfit threatened to expose her breasts to the rest of the crew. Pulling that up, she then made sure the fluffy tail on the black spandex and satin costume wasn't catching on anything then readjusted the bunny ears on her head.
"Let me guess, you're a 20th Century Playboy Bunny with Joker as Hugh Hefner?" Jacob asked, leaning up against the counter while he looked at his commander.
"Don't remind me," she grumbled.
"Here, your bow tie is crooked," Jacob chuckled, reaching out to straighten the black tie within the white collar around Kara's neck. "How did he manage to get you into this get-up?"
"Trickery, plain and simple. I wouldn't be surprised to find out he'd planned on this long before and, knowing that I know how much he usually hates social gatherings, banked on that and me bribing him to get him to attend."
"You would be correct, Commander Shepard," EDI's globe popped up near Kara's elbow.
"Sonuvabitch," she muttered.
"Damn, flyboy got you good," Jacob laughed.
"Oh shut it, would you? It's just as much my fault as it is his. I should've known better," she sighed, tugging again at the top of her outfit then slinking behind the refreshment table and busying herself with pouring herself a glass of punch.
"Awww, is the Commander hiding behind the punch bowl?" Joker snickered as he slid behind Kara and rested his hands on either side of her belly.
"Damn straight and here is where I will stay. I'm playing hostess."
"And they call me unsociable," he grinned.
"I can't believe I actually walked into this trick of yours. How long after you heard about the party did you start planning this?"
"Oh, the day you came up with the idea."
"Damn. You're good, damned good. At least I have some eye candy to look at while I'm stuck down here," Kara said, turning to face Joker, her fingertip trailing over the bare expanse of his chest beneath the smoking jacket. Her eyes turned smoky as she saw him shiver. Her lips curved on a devilish grin right before she reached up to pinch and twist his nipple.
"Yeouch! What the hell was that for?" he yelped, then pouted at her, rubbing the sore spot.
"I love you too much to toss you out the nearest airlock so I had to find some way to get back at you," Kara grinned. Grabbing up her glass of punch, she sashayed away from the table, putting an extra swing in her hips, knowing that Joker wouldn't be able to do anything other than drool at the sight.
"By the way, it's the couch for you tonight sweetheart!" she called out over the din of the crowd, laughing, before disappearing into its depths.
"Point, set, and match," Jacob snickered as he looked over at Joker. "Looks like the Commander won that round."
"Oh, it's not over by a long shot," Joker smirked at the Cerberus operative, then disappeared into the crowd after his wife.