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Banjex looked at the expired medication in his drawer, he hasn't taken any kind of antidepressants or anxiety medications in years. Weeds always done the work for that. But now, it's getting too strong for anything to suppress that gloomy feeling now.
He could get onto harder substances, he's thought about it, but he'd rather die than to be found drugged up naked in a ditch somewhere.
He really would rather die.
His breath got caught in his throat, he sat back down onto the bed and closed the drawer.
Banjex felt like he was worthless, like he had no place in the universe and he felt like he never will. He feels miserable, like hes a nuisance in everyone he loves lives.
Looking at the empty side of the bed, the thoughts were slowly closing in onto him.
It wouldn't make a difference if he disappeared, erased his identity and start a new life else where. Nothing he could do would matter, nobody could really care.
He didn't notice his hands were shaking until he got up from his bed.
He doesn't understand why he still has it, walking to his closet and digging under clothes finding a box cutter.
He felt cold, like he was already rotting. His heart was numb and ached in his empty chest, every breath was painfully noticable.
He could see the already heeled scars that slowly faded with time, on his upper thighs mostly so no one could notice.
So no one can remind him of his mistakes, even if he can't stop making them.
He pressed the blade against his thighs and teared up, maybe he could try and bleed himself out and during that time of wooziness on the cold bathroom floor, he could text everyone goodbye.
Leaving Yambo a disgusting mess of his boyfriend in his nice and tidy home, his final regret before passing away like he felt like he rightfully deserved.
He sucked in a breath, waiting for impulsivity to hype him up.
He closed his eyes, tears welling up in them as he felt like he was gonna puke.
"Banjex! I'm home!"
Banjex opened his eyes, he hated how much he loved his sweet voice.
He couldn't do this to him, he couldn't leave Yambo by himself. Brandys already done that once before, Banjex had made a promise not to do the same.
Quickly he put the boxer away under his clothes, shutting the closet, and trying to rush to the bathroom so he could clean his tearful face.
Although Yambo was too quick, already up the stairs and running into him. He saw his face and his soft smile disappeared, Banjex desperately wished he kept it on instead.
"Banjex! What happened, honey?" He held onto his face, Banjex adored his soft grasp.
"..nothing, just missed you." It wasn't too far from the truth, he hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.
Yambo melted in his warmth, a warmth Banjex thought he never had until he was in bed next to Yambo late at night.
"Mm, i missed you too. I'm exhausted, what about you?" He yawned.
"Cuddling you is my greatest obsession" Banjex smiled softly at him.
Yambo chuckled, "You're adorable, c'mon" he took his hand and lead him into the room. He took off his work clothes and got snug under the covers with Banjex.
Everyday it seemed to have gotten colder and colder, and Yambo's hugs were all Banjex could survive on. He hugged him tightly, practically wrapping his body around him.
With a Yawn, Yambo snugged under his cheek, "Goodnight, love.."
"Goodnight, Yambo. I'll see you in the morning."
A morning Banjex is glad he won't miss.