Work Text:
CAMHOWE: Good game. New Subscriber?
USER85: Yup, just signed on.
Shit.
Joe stared down at his hand, letting himself process what had just happened. Completely sucked into the game, playing right along until the other tank had won – and just like that, everything fell apart. CAMHOWE. There was no debate on who that was. It was her company, why wouldn’t she use her real name?
CAMHOWE: Another round?
USER85: Sure.
What was he doing? It was like he had no control over his own hands, pressing and shooting and playing. With her. With Cameron, the woman who had taken his heart in his hands and tore it in half in front of him.
He let her win again, taking his hands from the keyboard. He stood up, rubbing the denim on his jeans that felt suddenly too tight. He needed to get up, move around, just be away from the computer.
And closer to Sara.
He walked down the hallway, taking wide strides than necessary to get there, stopping several feet from the open door. Sara lay there in their bed, one of his sweaters dripping off of her shoulder as she slept curled in around herself. He smiled, straightening back up and readjusting his jacket before heading back to the computer.
CAMHOWE: Got you!
CAMHOWE: You there?
USER85: Yeah, sorry. Had to get up for a second.
CAMHOWE: Oh
CAMHOWE: Want to go again?
USER85: You like this, don’t you?
CAMHOWE: What, winning?
USER85: Let’s do it.
The tanks once again engaged. He stared at the screen, trying to make sense of it all and forcing his tank in close before hitting her square on. He let himself smirk.
USER85: Got you.
CAMHOWE: Nice shot
USER85: I like this game.
CAMHOWE: It’s one of our more popular ones
USER85: Do you work here?
CAMHOWE: Uh
CAMHOWE: Yeah
CAMHOWE: I made it
CAMHOWE: Why?
USER85: You did a good job on all of this.
USER85: It’s friendly.
CAMHOWE: Always the goal
USER85: I know.
God, he couldn’t stop, could he? It was like her BIOS for the Giant all over again, typing in his first name and it asking him what he’d liked to do. It had been a stroke of brilliance, and they’d fucked it over for seven ounces, and she destroyed him. Her vengeance for her invention practically carved another scar in his chest. Maybe it would have hurt less, or kept him from where he was right now, with his beautiful fiancé in the next room and all the power he’d ever possessed staring right back at him through a computer screen.
CAMHOWE: You want to go again?
USER85: I kind of like talking.
CAMHOWE: That’s a first
USER85: Really?
CAMHOWE: Well, we’re a gaming company
USER85: Even so. It’s nice.
CAMHOWE: Yeah some people have seen some of our subscribers stay on these things for hours after the games ended
USER85: Would you rather we play more?
CAMHOWE: Another round wouldn’t hurt
And there they were, at it again, tanks circling each other, hiding behind walls to try to get the other first, ducking out to aim at the other while leaving themselves open for attack. He was determined not to be the one to fall first. It was a dance, and his partner was Cameron, and he stomped on her foot, purposely bringing her to her knees.
CAMHOWE: Damn
USER85: That took a while.
USER85: So, how are you?
CAMHOWE: I’m okay
CAMHOWE: You?
USER85: Alright.
USER85: It’s late.
CAMHOWE: Is your mom coming?
USER85: I’m 37.
CAMHOWE: My question stands
USER85: No.
There were seconds of dead air, seconds he suddenly realized he couldn’t deal with being there. He swallowed, all too aware of his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down against the collar of his shirt.
He had to keep her from disconnecting.
USER85: What are you doing up?
CAMHOWE: Uh
CAMHOWE: Nothing?
CAMHOWE: This is the only time I get to myself
USER85: So you spend it on talking to random subscribers?
CAMHOWE: Why wouldn’t I?
USER85: Seems something more for lower employees than a creator of a company.
CAMHOWE: I have to know what people are thinking
CAMHOWE: I’m not some idiot who puts everyone else on the line
USER85: I’m just saying.
CAMHOWE: Whatever
CAMHOWE: Why do you even care?
USER85: I don’t.
USER85: It’s just interesting to see someone like you in here.
CAMHOWE: Wow
He hated jeans. He hated leather jackets. He hated tee shirts. How the hell did anyone wear them? He wanted his slacks, his button ups, or even better, nothing.
No.
No, he had to stop right there. Sara, yards away, sound asleep in their bedroom, and he was sitting out here on the Giant Pro at Midnight, talking to his ex-girlfriend without either of them even knowing, just him.
He couldn’t bring himself to even think that he hated Cameron now, despite the pettiness and the anger they’d exchanged so often and so heavily. He didn’t know if she’d gotten his letter. Knowing her, she’d have torn it up without even reading it.
USER85: Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.
CAMHOWE: It’s okay.
USER85: Had a long day.
CAMHOWE: Me too.
USER85: Oh?
CAMHOWE: Just running errands for the company
CAMHOWE: Being stupid
CAMHOWE: You?
USER85: Just hanging out around home mostly
He couldn’t bring himself to bring up Sara.
CAMHOWE: That doesn’t sound like such a hard day.
Had he been drinking? He couldn’t even remember. He didn’t feel in control of his own body.
USER85: Compared to yours, probably not.
USER85: What do you define as ‘being stupid’ anyway?
CAMHOWE: Uh
CAMHOWE: Taking some stupid risks
CAMHOWE: It’s not a big deal
He knew that lie. If something ‘wasn’t a big deal,’ it was everything. She’d done something she didn’t know how to fix, not yet.
USER85: Okay.
CAMHOWE: Have you tried any of our other games?
USER85: I saw Backgammon and Checkers.
CAMHOWE: We also have Paralax
USER85: Paralax?
CAMHOWE: It’s an RPG adventure
CAMHOWE: It’s pretty good
CAMHOWE: We update it every once in a while with a new chapter
CAMHOWE: Haven’t been getting anything really out right now but
USER85: Are you stuck?
Suddenly everything in his vision was blotted out by her. Her blonde hair, slipping through his fist. Her voice, moaning his name, her body in perfect rhythm with his in the back of the office, or in the basement, or bent over his bed.
CAMHOWE: What?
He was sweating through his tee shirt now, the leather jacket suctioned to his arms and back. He couldn’t get her out, not when she was basically standing in front of him, stressed and frustrated and begging for relief without saying anything but ‘I’m stuck.’ And she always tried to seem stronger than him, like somehow by her coming in she’d be helping him and not the other way around. And he was just some stupid, weak fly she’d led right into her web.
USER85: Nothing.
CAMHOWE: No, tell me
Her eyes, her beautiful light green eyes staring up at him, always shining like she was about to cry. Biting her lip, teasing when they’d get more into the heat of the moment. He’d press her against the wall, or lift her with ease onto his body, or throw her down like a ragdoll, whatever he’d wanted.
USER85: Why?
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to surprise her, to suddenly pull out and tell her it was him. But he knew she’d disconnect. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing he was using Mutiny, didn’t want her to know that she could still string him along. He’d string her along this time, use her for his satisfaction and leave her pleading with him for more.
CAMHOWE: Because
USER85: I have to go. It was nice talking with you.
USER85: Good games. I’ll check it out more later.
CAMHOWE: Good night I guess
And that was it. He shut down the Giant Pro, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d kept in and heading for the bathroom. He ran the water cold, splashing his face to cool down before going back to the bedroom, quietly stripping, watching Sara. He dropped his clothes in the laundry basket and peeled the blankets off of his side of the bed, crawling into it and wrapping his arm around her. Still asleep, she turned over to him, smiling softly.
He could only scowl as reality hit him over the head, and he realized that this was the life he had now.
He may as well make the best of it again.