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Y/N sits with her arms curled to support her head against the window as she watches Namjoon bicker with Seokjin from the backseat. The three of them had decided to go on a trip together as their last hoorah before graduation. Seokjin had invited his girlfriend, who was currently passed out in the passenger seat, not any wiser to Seokjin and Namjoon arguing over who’s turn it is to choose a song.
“Hyung, it’s mine. You chose a song already.” Namjoon insists and Seokjin scoffs.
“I just took Minah’s turn because she’s being beautiful and sleeping, it is now my official turn and that means we’re gonna listen to IU’s greatest hit one more time.” Seokjin smacks Namjoon’s hand away from the radio and the car swerves with the movement, Y/N can’t stop herself from bumping her head into the window and she groans. Namjoon whips around at the noise and Y/N waves him away before he can even start to worry about her. With Namjoon distracted, Seokjin shouts his victory and then proceeds to rewind the song.
Namjoon frowns, but doesn’t stop looking at her, “Are you okay?”
“M’fine, just tired, but I probably won’t sleep till we get wherever Seokjin’s taking us.” Y/N sits back and watches Namjoon fumble in his bag, likely for his headphones and she laughs, “Don’t be an IU anti.”
“I’m not. He’s just played this song four times now.” Namjoon complains and finally pulls out his earbuds before plugging them into his phone. It’s a bit of a routine watching Namjoon sullenly lick his wounds when he’s lost a fight with Seokjin, over the time of this trip there had been many moments where he had attempted to best him, but Seokjin was sort of undefeatable. She pats Namjoon’s leg and goes back to staring out of the window. It’s a good night, they had made it far enough away from Seoul to see all the lights in the sky and Namjoon had spent the better half of the ride pointing out constellations he could make out from inside of the car.
They had stopped to allow for Minah and Seokjin to switch from the driving seat and Namjoon had stalled them until he got a nice picture of all of them with the universe reflected behind them. Seokjin had thrown a fit the entire time, but he made sure none of them left until Namjoon was satisfied with the picture. She’s tapped out of her thoughts by Namjoon offering her one of his earbuds and she takes it, scooting closer to him so she doesn’t accidentally snatch the ear bud out of his ear.
It’s what she expects out of Namjoon’s music taste, Epik high. The soft rasp of Tablo comes to greet her and the lyrics are something familiar. A song she herself has been replaying lately. Have you ever loved before? Fallen for someone at first sight, like in the movies? When she had first heard the song, she had laughed at it until Namjoon had pushed her cheeks together to silence her. She had told him it was unrealistic. The song goes on to be about losing love, about everything you’ve ever wanted slipping through your fingers. The first night he had let her listen to it, she had asked him why he liked it so much and he had told her: it’s just easy to relate to, loving something so much that you’re afraid to let it go. She told him she didn’t know what he meant and he laughed.
“You’re always listening to this.” She says, shaking her head before she got lost running the path of her own memories.
“Good music.” Is all he says in return, but he brings his arm to pull her closer so that her head can rest on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m more comfortable than the door, aren’t I?” Namjoon laughs and she makes a face at him, but curls up into his side anyway. This isn’t a new thing, Y/N had made great use out of Namjoon as a pillow many times before, mostly during finals when Namjoon was determined to study for another hour and Y/N was left to lay on his leg while she waited for him to hurry up. College always had Namjoon stressed, Seokjin blamed it on his double major, but Y/N believed it probably had more to do with his need to be perfect, even when perfection was impossible. Y/N tucks further into Namjoon and feels her eyes closing, it’s warm. Namjoon’s always warm.
She wakes to the shadowed sunrise of a different morning. Seokjin’s soft snoring let’s her know that it has to be too early, he’s always awake from everyone else. She turns and opens her eyes to find Namjoon’s face right next to her. She has to stop herself from moving suddenly, for fear of waking him up. She’s never been this close to him. Music is still playing in her ear, a different melody, still Epik high though because Namjoon was a fanboy down to his core. Midnight, when cold raindrops hit our shoulders, I'm so used to you being next to me. I can't be without you alone in the rain. Namjoon looks pretty in the sunrise, the way the light slowly drags its way up his face, warms his cheek a rosy red. She brings her hand to brush some of the hair that has fallen to his face back and stops herself, realizes that isn’t something a friend would do. She leans away and goes to untangle herself from him and almost falls into the floor of the car, but suddenly Namjoon’s arm tightens around her and drags her right back next to him and she has to cover her mouth to prevent her from waking up Minah and Seokjin. “Careful.” Namjoon breathes into her ear and Y/N gets flustered, tries to tug away from him, but he laughs and holds her tighter.
“Namjoon, let me go.” She hisses.
“Don’t want to.” He jokes and it’s a common game they play, one of them tugging on the other when they clearly want to go somewhere, but it isn’t funny when they’re in such close proximity, when the only other people with them are a couple and she just spent ten minutes staring at his sleeping face. She frowns and shoves her hands onto his mouth and nose and he just stares at her, holding his breath. Y/N is patient though, waits for him to start struggling and he does, releases her to grab at her hands and she laughs as she opens the car door and stumbles out. Namjoon follows her out, “You’re a menace.” He frowns, voice still clouded with sleep and Y/N shrugs.
“I told you to let me go. I hate sleeping in cars.” She complains, stretching and Namjoon watches her, makes a face when she cracks her back.
“What, don’t like being so close to me?” He teases and she rolls her eyes, stepping back so she can take in the forest clearing that Seokjin had parked in. The sun is slow rising and dyes the sky a pretty pink, the light bounces off the leaves and she can’t help the smile that pulls on her face. The farther away they get from the city, the nicer it seems to be.
“God, I could stay out here forever.” She speaks and looks over to Namjoon, only to find him already looking at her and she pauses at the look on his face. It’s a tad bit unreadable. “Namjoon?”
He shakes his head and smiles, “Sorry, I was thinking about something. I’m glad we decided to go on this trip, aren’t you?” Namjoon gently closes the car door. “Glad I got to spend time with you before things got too busy.”
“I could never be too busy for you.” She says before she can think about it. It’s the truth though, she can’t imagine a moment in the future where she wouldn’t be actively seeking out Namjoon. This trip had been a terrible idea because all it did was show her how nice it was to be at Namjoon’s side.
In response he laughs, “C’mon, you don’t mean that. You’ll get a boyfriend and forget all about me.” He teases, walking over to her to gently pull at her cheeks. It’s something he likes doing because he knows it makes her mad and the way she swats at his hands has his dimples peeking.
“Stop it. I could never forget about you.” She mumbles, pulling away from his hand and walking farther into the tree line to hide her embarrassment. As if anyone could ever forget about Namjoon. He had this way of pulling you in, even when you didn’t want to be and no one could ever dislike him, at least not for long. There was a charm to him that was just too much to not like. When she had first met him, she didn’t realize why she wanted to stick to his side so much and her friends teased her, told her that she had to have a crush on him, but she never really thought that was it, was very content on just being by Namjoon’s side, even had been friends with every girlfriend he picked up along the way. She hoped that her and Namjoon never grew apart, but even if they did, she knew he would always live in her memory, like a secret paradise she could always come back to.
“Let’s go somewhere.” His voice is much closer than she remembers and she looks to the side to see Namjoon almost shadowing her, draping an arm around her shoulder.
“Won’t Seokjin be mad if he wakes up?”
“I have my phone. C’mon, I want to show you something. I’ve been through these woods before.” It would be a brag if it was anyone but Namjoon. Y/N knew that Namjoon had a knack of wandering around all the forests that were still left in Seoul. Due to this, he actually made a pretty good navigator despite his clumsy nature. So she follows him, listens as Namjoon fights against the morning sun to point out the different plants and animals that he sees along the way. He stops to squat down and say hello to a bunny that crosses into their path and the bunny doesn’t spook, in fact, it gets very close to touching Namjoon’s hand before Y/N panics and reminds him about rabies and things like that.
Namjoon’s in his element, with the way the sun shines on him and the trees bend almost as if wanting to be in his presence, Y/N thinks that she’s somehow looking at something a little less human. Namjoon’s some forest sprite that she had the luck of befriending back when she was too lost to find her way around college. He turns to look at her, eyes glowing and she feels the way that her heart is sort of unsettled in her chest, it doesn’t exactly skip a beat, but it feels like it’s bracing itself for something. “Okay. You have to be careful, but it’s just over these rocks!” He calls and stumbles his way across some rocks that slightly just out from the cliff side. They make a weird bridge to the other half of the forest and Namjoon is quick to scuttle across them in his excitement.
Y/N pauses when she makes it to the end, feels a rare anxiety climb its way up her throat. “Are you sure this is safe?” She asks.
He looks over his shoulder and shoots her another dimpled smile. “You don’t trust me? I’d never let something happen to you.”
It’s a little embarrassing that those words are all it takes for her to attempt to cross despite her nervousness. She’s somehow reminded of her childhood, back when she would sneak out of her grandma’s house to play with the neighborhood kids. She’d come back so late that she would almost curl into herself as she approached the front door, but her grandmother always greeted her the same, with a warm hug and a bit of a lecture. It’s good that you made it back safe. She would tell her, arms tightening around her tiny body. That’s all her childhood really was, hushed lectures and so much warmth that if she’d bottled it, it could keep her warm for a million winters to come.
Looking at the way Namjoon’s eyes never leave her, his encouraging chants as he motions with his hands for her to hurry. She can’t help but remember how he asked her not to forget him, like that was an actual concern of his. She’d always known that Namjoon was always going to be a constant for her, a satellite in her efervescente sky. The trip, though, had fully cemented that. With every smile and dimpled teasing, she can’t help but find herself lost in the past, in the familiar warmth that came from her grandmother. He holds out his hands to her to help her cross the small gap between the rocks and when she looks up he laughs, “Watch your step, I got you.”
“I know.” She can’t help but repeat and he doesn’t respond again, but his eyes light up as if she’s told him one of the biggest secrets in the world. People used to tell her that Namjoon was a lot like a remedy to a cold you never knew you had, warm and always there when you’re at your lowest. She now knows they were wrong. Namjoon is a familiar place in a new city, the sense of home when you finally find your way after being lost. Namjoon releases her hands as she makes it across, reaches out to pat her head in a job well done and she knows that this is it for her. That she’s in love with him.
He takes her to where the forest turns into a mountain side and they can see all of the city that sits below it. It’s beautiful, the sun has worked its way high into the sky. “Oh wow.” Is all she can say and then she hears a click and when she turns around she sees Namjoon with his camera.
“I couldn’t help myself. It’s really beautiful.” He says and laughs and Y/N can’t help but wonder if he meant her too, if she took his breath away the way this view on the mountainside had. She finds herself sitting on the edge, motions for Namjoon to join her and he does, settling into her side and he’s as warm as ever, thighs pressed against hers and she can’t help but lean into him.
“Thank you for showing me this.” She whispers after they’ve been sitting for awhile, Namjoon’s phone still quiet from where he tucked it into his pocket.
“Of course, beautiful people deserve to see beautiful things.” He mutters and it almost sounds like he’s far away, but when she turns to look at him, he’s already looking at her with the same expression he had when they had gotten outside of the car, an expression, she realizes, she had seen on his face multiple times throughout the trip. This is different. A couple of minutes she realized that she was in love with Namjoon and now she’s coming to realize that maybe he was always waiting for her.
She lets her fingers find his hands, turns it over so she can trace his palms, feel the callouses that have come from him putting too much of himself in his work. He pushes against her palm until he can lace their fingers together and his hands are warm, just like him, just like he always has been. “Beautiful people deserve to see beautiful things.” She repeats, looking at him and he nods, a soft smile on his face. “Well,” she starts, “I guess that’s why I’m always looking at you no matter what.” It’s cheesy, something that would fit in one of the many songs Namjoon hoards in his phone, but his smile, dimple, honey sweet and warm, make it all worth it.