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It was decided that Ashe would take first watch.

Dimitri gave him the right to refuse, as he always did, but Ashe had accepted it without reservation.

“I don’t mind,” Ashe said. “I did very little in the battle anyway so I’m still wide awake.”

Dimitri shifted on his feet. He opened his mouth, closed it again. When he tried to speak once more, Felix shoved his shoulder, breaking Dimitri out of his impressive impression of a fish.

“Go to bed, Boar.” Felix snapped. “The kid said he’s fine.”

Felix made his way to his bedroll by the fire and without another word he settled into it and closed his eyes. Ashe thought that Felix had only done so to spite Dimitri, they all knew full well how much of a night owl Felix was and how long it would take him to settle enough to sleep. But within a few moments Felix was breathing evenly, his entire body relaxing.

Felix Hugo Fraldarious asleep. A miracle all in of itself, made even more surprising by just how quickly it had happened.

Ashe rocked on his heels, unable to hide a proud smile. Felix trusted him enough to keep watch truely and completely. If that wasn’t the case then Felix wouldn’t have even bothered to pretend to go to bed and yet here he was, fully asleep within just a few moments because he knew that Ashe was going to protect him.

Dimitri was watching Felix too, a smile playing on his lips. Dimitri knew the significance just as much as Ashe did because Dimitri too normally struggled to sleep whenever they were away from Garreg Mach. Even at the academy the two of often struggled to calm their minds long enough to rest, always expecting something to go wrong or for their lives to be in danger from hidden threats.

Ashe knew that feeling well. He had grown up on the streets after all, it was importunate to always stay vigilant even when you slept less someone try to hurt you or take what little you had left.

“Very well,” Dimitri at last whispered. “Please ensure that you are replaced by Sylvain when it is time.”

At the mention of his name, Sylvain snored loudly from his own bedroll. Sylvain had been the one spearheading the last few battles but this most recent one had been all the more gruelling as he had faced down a demonic beast so the moment the camp had been fully set up he had crashed onto his bed roll and he had crashed hard. Another charge under Ashe’s protection. He would not let Sylvain down, not after everything Sylvain had accomplished in the battle.

Ashe’s focus roved over their temporary camp. Sylvain was closest by the fire with Ingrid’s bed roll set out beside his. Ingrid herself wasn’t yet asleep, still finishing off the last of her hot chocolate and when she met Ashe’s eyes she smiled warmly. Like Sylvain Ingrid had fought especially hard recently. She had even defeated two major Generals from the Adrestrian Empire all by herself while waiting for back up so how she hadn’t yet fallen asleep he didn’t know.

Passed Ingrid’s bed was Annette and Mercedes’ bed rolls. While there were actually two rolls, they were both already asleep on the singular one with Annette nestled in Mercedes’ arms. The magic they had used in the battle both in healing and attacks had depleted their energy and both girls had retired almost as early as Sylvain had. But it wasn’t just the magical exhaustion that had led Annette to Mercedes’ comfort tonight.

Ashe had heard their earlier conversation, even if he had tried not to eavesdrop. Annette had been unable to save one of their allies that had been struck down by a spear, her magic simply not enough to heal the mortal wound. She was devastated and while Ashe had wanted to assure her that she had done everything she could and that he was proud of her for trying, he knew that Annette was embarrassed enough that she was upset so it would be best to pretend that he hadn’t heard it.

Mercedes did eventually calm her without Ashe’s intervention though on Dimitri’s way to his bed the Prince set his fur coat on the two of them. Ashe would have to check in with Annette in the morning, he knew that she tended to take things like this to heart. For now though he would let the two of them rest.

Dedue was still awake too, positioned next to Dimitri. Dedue always stayed up a little longer than Dimitri, if only to make certain that the Prince slept at all. Dimitri himself was already breathing steadily and evenly, his exhaustion at last hitting him all at once.

With Dimitri asleep, Dedue turned his attention to Ashe.

If it wouldn’t risk waking the others, Ashe might have considered talking with him. Dedue always had the most interesting wisdom to share and Ashe could never tire of hearing Dedue’s calming voice. And it may just help Dedue himself to fall asleep because he deserved it just as much as the others did.

Dedue too had fought hard in this last battle. Everyone but Ashe had given their all out there.

Granted, it had been Dimitri’s orders that kept him from the front lines but he could still acknowledge that he had done very little to actually help during the fighting itself. Unlike Sylvain and Felix and even Ingrid who had fought ferociously against countless formidable enemies, Ashe had hung back from the front lines to watch over the evacuation of villagers.

It was an important duty and Ashe knew that but he was still frustrated that he hadn’t somehow helped more, especially since after it had become clear that the villagers themselves had never been in any danger to begin with. The evacuation had gone off without a hitch and yet Annette had lost a patient and Sylvain had fought a demonic beast and Ingrid had won against not just one General but two all by herself.

Compared to the rest of them, Ashe had been useless.

Dedue was still watching him, head tilted.

Ashe broke the eye contact first, making a show of checking the perimeter. Soon enough Ashe heard Dedue shift, no doubt readying himself for bed. Ingrid had at last gone to sleep too, leaving only Ashe and Dedue and soon enough it would only be Ashe.

Except Dedue wasn’t going to sleep, he was coming towards Ashe.

“Is everything alright?” Dedue asked.

“You should sleep.” Ashe said.

“Ashe.”

Dedue was keeping his voice low but Ashe still expected it to wake the others. Ashe unlaced his archers glove. He related it again, if only so he didn’t have to look at Dedue. Maybe if Ashe didn’t look at him then maybe Dedue would go back to bed and get the sleep he needed.

Not just the sleep he needed, the sleep he deserved.

Dedue sat beside him.

“What is on your mind?” Dedue asked.

“Nothing.” Ashe said.

Apparently unconvinced, Dedue sat down beside him. But whatever lecture or conversation Dedue had planned never came and they simply sat together in silence. Ashe liked the quiet sometimes, it was always good to take a moment to contemplate things in silence every now and then. And yet Ashe wanted nothing more than for Dedue to leave him and just go to bed, there was no point in two people staying up on watch if one would suffice.

Ashe went back to fiddling with his glove.

Dedue must surely be exhausted after such a hard battle. Unlike Ashe, Dedue had served Dimitri well on the front lines and if the whispers of the evacuees were to be believed then Dedue had risked his own life to do so.

Dedue glanced up.

“A storm’s coming. Make sure you keep warm.”

“I will.” Ashe mumbled.

The sky had long since gone dark but there was no signs of clouds with very little wind. That wasn’t to say that Ashe didn’t trust him, Dedue was never wrong about things like these.

At last Dedue left him.

Ingrid was asleep finally and the fire crackled even with no one around it. Mercedes had spelled it to burn bright through the night but from where Ashe was, he felt none of its warmth. Not that he deserved it anyway, all of the ones who had fought so hard had earned the right to its warmth. He was fine to stay in the cold, not that it was that much colder anyway.

It would keep him awake, keep him alert.

Ashe shivered. Checking the perimeter once more, deciding that he would do a walk around in the next ten minute interval, Ashe unslung his quiver and counted the arrows, knowing full well that he hadn’t loosed a single one since he had replenished the supply.

His quiver was still full and yet something inside him was empty and Ashe wondered not for the first time where he had gone wrong. He had trained so hard to be here, to prove that he was worthy to fight alongside them and yet all he had done today was watch over some villagers and now he was complaining about a little cold air.

What would Lord Lonato think of him now? Would the kind man finally realise that Ashe hadn’t been worth saving? All Ashe could hope for was if Lord Lonato truely did cast Ashe out he would at least keep Ashe’s siblings as they had never done anything wrong and deserved to be safe and warm.

Ashe readjusted his glove again, the fabric rubbing against his wrist. He would take it off fully if only he could be certain the there was no risk of attack. But as watch for all of his sleeping companions, Ashe could not afford to assume that there was not some hidden danger.

Of course he could simply use his bow without a glove but it was better if he just sat there patiently with the archers glove on.

Ashe stood, stretching out sore muscles. No, he wasn’t sore. He was perfectly fine because he had done nothing to warrant feeling sore. Making certain not to snap any twigs less he wake the others, Ashe did a sweep of the surrounding areas, his breath forming clouds in the chilled air. It was even colder out here, further away from the fire.

The wind had picked up too and Ashe felt a shiver down his spine. The once clear sky was slowly filling with clouds and another gust of wind forced Ashe to wrap his arms around himself. It truely was cold out here.

The fire looked nice and warm, still going strong. Maybe he should sit by it for a little while, warm up a little.

Who was he kidding, this was nothing compared to a Faerghus Winter, they were practically in the middle of Fodlan at the moment. He didn’t need to warm up, not at the risk of disturbing the others.

Ashe returned to his little spot on the ground just as the rain started falling in lazy drops. He immediately looked towards Felix, expecting the swordsman to snap awake from the disturbance. Felix didn’t so much as mumble, still fast asleep.

In fact none of them woke to the rain, not a single drop of water hitting any of them.

And that was when Ashe realised that Annette hadn’t just spelled the fire to burn brighter and hotter, she had also somehow created a magic shield around the camp to keep out the weather. She truely was incredible and no doubt with more time and training she was going to be one of the greatest Mages of the entire land.

Ashe was sitting just outside the shielded area, a large raindrop falling on his head. He didn’t move to go to the magical shelter, knowing that keeping watch was more important than keeping dry.

By the first thunder crack Ashe was already soaked to the bone. He brought his knees up to his chest, ducking his head. Then he remembered that he needed to make certain that no one was taking advantage of the storm and approaching the camp. He stood, fighting against a shiver, and walked the perimeter.

The wind buffeted against him, sending the chill down to his very bones. Ashe could barely see anything through the rain so he had to be even more careful to ensure that no one was lying in wait. Lighting arced across the sky, making Ashe jump from the sudden bright light.

Not only was he useless but he was a coward too.

Ashe didn’t wake Sylvain to replace him. It wasn’t that Ashe hadn’t been tracking the time, even someone as stupid as he was could tell just when the three hour watch was up. But when he glanced over towards the campfire, easily finding Sylvain splayed out on his bedroll apparently too warm by the fire for the blanket, Ashe decided that Sylvain deserved as much sleep as he could get.

Ashe could keep watch for a little longer. Besides, Sylvain and the others were completely protected by the rain, it would be cruel to make them leave the safety of the magic field when Ashe was already here.

He took the walk around the perimeter again, his legs feeling like lead. By the time he returned to his spot by the tree, Ashe wasn’t even feeling cold anymore.

Sylvain’s watch was supposed to end two hours after it had begun. Annette was to replace him but because of her exhaustion, she did not stir. Ashe considered waking her but he knew how tough the day had been for her, she needed to rebuild her strength.

Ashe could take Annette’s watch too, he didn’t mind. It was the least he could do.

He forgot to take the perimeter. Ashe’s heart fluttered when he realised he had missed a rotation, knowing full well that any number of miscreants could have made their approach in that time. Stupid! He was so stupid! This wasn’t just his friends he was protecting, this was the future King of Faerghus.

Ashe stood up, nearly slamming into the tree in the rush.

Dimitri was going to be furious with him. More than furious, Dimitri was going to be disappointed. Ashe had once again failed him.

He didn’t miss another perimeter check, even as the ground became marsh beneath him and the sky impossibly darkened even more. His boots kept getting stuck in the mud and he found that his chest was hurting, his breath visible even in the rain. The temperature had only dropped further and his clothes were completely saturated.

Ashe returned to his tree. He sat down, or at least he had meant to. In truth it was more like his legs collapsed beneath him and he let them. It was a little hard to keep his eyes open now but surely he wasn’t tired just from walking around every now and then.

Ashe blinked slowly, leaning his head back.

The sky was lightening at last, the worst of the storm passing. He hadn’t even noticed the rain had ended. If he hadn’t messed up the timings, it should be approaching the final shift of watch with Felix to welcome the dawn.

Felix often took the final shift, claiming that he

Ashe hoped that Felix would get a little more rest too but the swordsman had never missed a watch, too well turned to the passing time. Ashe heard shuffling from near the campfire. Felix indeed had woken and was already packing away his bedroll. But Felix glanced up, meeting Ashe’s eye.

In an instant Felix had shot up and was storming towards him, even when Ashe pretended to not have noticed. Felix was furious with him, what for this time Ashe wasn’t quite sure but he did know he probably deserved it.

"You stayed out in the rain all night? What the hell were you thinking!"

"Watch..." Ashe mumbled.

Ashe didn’t know why his voice was so weak, just another pathetic thing about him right now.

"First watch, Sylvain was meant to replace you!"

Ashe ducked his head. He was such a coward that he couldn’t even look Felix in the eye, couldn’t explain that of course he knew that Sylvain was supposed to replace him but Sylvain had been so exhausted that it only made sense for Ashe to take a double shift. And given that Annette too was tired, it made sense to take her turn as well. Dimitri wasn’t often able to sleep through the night yet this time he had been able to so it wasn’t like Ashe could have woken him either.

For all Ashe’s efforts, the others were beginning to stir now anyway, no doubt woken by the yelling. He couldn’t even be yelled at without causing trouble.

Ingrid was the first to reach them, her spear nowhere to be seen. Ashe was meant to take the perimeter again, he needed to protect Ingrid if she didn’t have her weapon handy. But to take the perimeter he had to cross paths with Felix and Felix was still very much angry with him and he was very much armed with his trusty sword.

"Felix, you're scaring him." Ingrid admonished.

Felix threw up his hands but stepped back all the same. If anyone else had said it he probably would have used a few choice words about it but something about Ingrid made even Felix fall in line.

Ingrid knelt before Ashe, meeting his eye before giving him a sweet smile. She still seemed a little tired, the dregs of sleep still on her face.

"Do you think you can stand? It'll be warmer by the fire."

"I'm okay here." Ashe said.

The mention of fire made a deep shudder go through him but for some reason he didn't think that his legs would support him right now. And besides, they were fussing over nothing. It's not like he had been fighting like they all had, sitting in the rain for a little while was nothing.

Felix and Ingrid should go and get a little more rest, they would have to head off soon.

"Sweetheart," Ingrid said. "You're blue."

Ashe glanced down at his fingers. He flexed them. Then again.

"Ingrid," He whispered.

"Yes?"

"I can't feel them."

The admission scared him. What right did he have to complain when she had single handedly defeated two Generals? She was going to laugh at him or maybe even scold him. How pathetic he was, how useless. Yet seeing his own hands move without actually feeling it sent a shock down his spine and Ashe couldn’t ignore the feeling of wrongness that settled over him.

"That's okay," Ingrid said. "Here, let's get you to the fire."

Ashe shivered. He didn't want to stand. He wanted to stay here. Dimitri was hovering behind Ingrid now, biting his lip and no doubt questioning why he had even brought Ashe along with them. The Prince had done well to tolerate Ashe’s presence for this long, surely his patience had finally run out.

Ingrid was still holding her hand out to him but she had the same look that Dimitri had, one of disgust as if she was hoping he wouldn’t accept her help because he was just some filthy kid from the streets complaining that he was a little cold.
There was some small part of him that wanted to hug Ingrid, to sit by the fire with her not just as a comrade but as a friend. He ignored that small part, knowing she wanted nothing to do with him.

His chest was hurting with every breath but he ignored that too.

Ashe dully realised that Ingrid had closed the gap between them and she pulled him up off the ground. Ashe’s head spun and the dawning sky darkened.

No, it wasn't the sky. It was Ashe. He was tilting forward, his eyes barely open. Another set of hands were suddenly on him, keeping him from falling when his legs gave way completely. Ashe hung there for a moment, barely registering why he hadn’t actually slammed to the ground when they had every right to drop him.

When he at last looked up, he saw that the other person holding onto him was Felix who was even angrier than before. Dimitri had surged forward also and Ashe felt like he was surrounded. They must hate him for wasting their time like this. Dedue, Mercedes and Annette were close by too and it was like all the oxygen around Ashe disappeared as their hateful stares bore into him.

They were glaring at him, furious that he was acting so stupidly. He could stand on his own, of course he could but when he tried to pull away Felix only gripped his arm tighter.

"Stay with me Ashe." Felix barked.

Ashe wasn't going anywhere. He didn't need to go by the fire, he was fine keeping watch. He needed to stay on watch, needed to make certain that they were safe. In fact, he needed to walk the perimeter now.

Pulling his arms out of Ingrid and Felix’s holds, Ashe took a step.

———————————————————————————————————————————

Felix had snapped into action the moment that he saw Ashe’s eyes rolled back but Ashe had dropped so quickly that all Felix could do was guide him to the ground, keeping his head from slamming into anything.

Ashe’s silver hair was plastered on his too pale face, his lips tinged blue. His eyes were still closed which made Felix’s chest hurt but at least Ashe seemed like his was breathing, even if he was breathing a little too shallowly.

“We need to get him dry.” Felix snapped. “Now.”

Dedue stepped forwards, crouching down to pick Ashe up. Felix went to refuse, fully intending on carrying Ashe himself but then he realised that his worry was making him stupid. Not that he was worried. Ashe was simply a little cold, he’ll be just fine soon enough.

Ashe didn’t so much as make a sound when Dedue lifted him carefully.

Dedue carried him towards the camp and Felix followed closely, shoving passed Sylvain.

“Felix,” Sylvain called but Felix ignored him.

This was Sylvain’s fault. He should have been the first to replace Ashe, it was his fault that Ashe had felt the need to cover all the shifts. It was a little more reasonable for Annette or Dimitri to miss their shifts if they hadn’t been specifically roused by whoever they were meant to replace as it was harder to wake the longer you are asleep. But Sylvain was only meant to rest lightly before his shift, go on watch, and then sleep deeply until morning.

Because of Sylvain’s stupidity, Ashe had stayed out in the rain not just for his designated watch but for all of the watches and given how much of the land around them had turned to mud, the storm must have been bad. No wonder why Ashe looked so weak, he was not just exhausted but he had been subjected to Goddess knows what for hours.

Then again, Felix himself hadn’t woken to the storm so maybe it was just as much his own fault. He gritted his teeth, not allowing himself to think too hard about it.

Dedue set Ashe down on Felix’s bed roll and almost immediately it became soaked. Felix didn’t care, it would dry soon enough and while Sylvain’s bedroll was closest to the fire, it would be stupid to get Ashe dry only to leave him on a wet bed. Felix cared a lot more when Ashe moaned, his eyes flickering.

“Get me clothes.” Dedue ordered.

In an instant Felix was moving, raiding everyones bags for enough spare clothing to make a full set. Ingrid’s riding pants would be small enough while Sylvain’s shirt was somehow the cleanest of all of them.

Ingrid had began stripping away Ashe’s wet clothes with Dedue helping to hold Ashe upright so that she could get his shirt off. Ashe’s skin wasn’t just pale, it was wrong. Wherever Ingrid touched flushed white briefly before turning blue once more, his body a patchwork of scars both from the streets and from the war.

She worked quickly and professionally and Felix sensed someone behind him. He looked up at Dimitri. This was the Boar’s fault just as much as it was Sylvain’s, he should have enforced discipline better in his soldiers. Dimitri wordlessly held out his fur lined cape. It was still dry, and most importantly it was warm.

Felix accepted it.

Ashe moaned again just as Ingrid began redressing him. His eyes flickered open but he didn’t seem able to focus on anything, blinking slowly.

“Hey Ashe,” Ingrid greeted softly. “Everything’s going to be, no, no, don’t sit up.”

Ashe did so anyway, his hands fumbling for the soaked Archer’s uniform beside him. He mumbled something, his body barely listening to whatever he was telling it to do. A shiver ran through him, his breathing somehow both too shallow and too fast. He was starting to panic.

“Watch…” Ashe mumbled. “Watch…”

“It’s okay Ashe.” Ingrid said.

“No.” Ashe said firmly. “Watch. Useless. Watch.”

How Ashe could ever think he was useless Felix had no idea but right now none of that mattered. What mattered was the fact that the boy was already weak, they couldn’t allow him to fall into a panic also.

Felix crouched beside him, waiting until Ashe met his eye.

“You completed your duty.” Felix snapped. “Now your orders are to rest.”

Ashe considered the words, a dozen emotions crossing over his face. Finally he seemed to accept it but just as quickly he had started listing, Dedue barely keeping him from overbalancing.

Ingrid moved quickly to finish dressing him and if anything the fact that Ashe didn’t struggle against her at all unnerved Felix. Ashe liked being quiet and obedient, sure, but he was never this quiet and obedient. Training with Sylvain over these months had made the boy more confident and yet right now it was like his body was an empty vessel.

Ashe’s eyelids were closing again. He was still awake but barely, mumbling something too quietly even for Felix to catch it. At last in dry clothes, all that they had to do was transfer Ashe to the dry bed roll by the fire and wait until his core temperature rose.

Dedue lifted Ashe and Ashe didn’t fight it. This was wrong. All of this was wrong. Ashe should be fighting this, he should be proving to them that he was okay. But he was simply too weak, too exhausted. 

Safely on Sylvain’s bed roll with Dimitri’s cape laid on top of him, Ashe’s eyes fully closed.

Felix whirled on Sylvain.

“Not now Felix.” Dimitri said lowly, stepping between them.

“Why not now?” Felix snarled. “Look at him! He couldn’t even keep his head up! Because of Sylvain!”

Sylvain didn’t refute. He didn’t argue, didn’t fight. Just like Ashe, Sylvain was unnaturally quiet. Sylvain twisted around and started walking. Good riddance, it’s not like Ashe needed Sylvain anyway it was better for everyone if the idiot that had caused this went away.

Except Felix was still angry and Sylvain was just walking away.

“Hey!” Felix snapped, storming after him. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“I’m going on watch.” Sylvain said.

“It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?”

“Someone needs to protect him.”

“And that someone is you, the idiot that forced him to stay out all night?”

Sylvain froze. His hand flexed beside him. Loosened again. Then he just kept walking, his back towards Felix. Towards Ashe. Towards the boy that was unconscious and sickly because he couldn’t be bothered waking up in time.

“Hey!”

Felix gripped Sylvain’s shoulder, pulling him around. Felix was on the ground before his instincts even had a chance to react and he was up again just as quickly, swinging his fist at Sylvain’s face. Sylvain caught it and twisted. Pain flashed through Felix and he surged forward, throwing his entire body weight against Sylvain.

Sylvain’s boot must have slipped in the mud because suddenly Felix was on the ground again, this time on top of Sylvain. Felix readied another punch.

“Enough!” Dimitri roared.

Hands gripped Felix’s arms and he was dragged up off of Sylvain.

“Dedue, let me go.” Felix growled, struggling against his grasp.

“No.” Dedue said.

Annette and Ingrid helped Sylvain up while Dimitri glared at not just Sylvain but Felix also as if Felix had done something wrong.

Wait a moment, if Sylvain, Dimitri, Ingrid, Dedue and Annette were all here, that meant that only Mercedes was by Ashe’s side. Felix panicked, twisting around in Dedue’s hold to try to see if Ashe was okay. There was a healing field around him but even from here Felix could see that Ashe was fidgeting in his sleep.

Something was wrong.

Felix’s heart thundered against his chest.

Something was wrong and here he was trying to start a fight.

“Relax, Felix.” Dedue rumbled. “I will let you go when I can be sure you can be trusted.”

Felix tried to relax in Dedue’s hold, he really did. But something inside of him was desperate to be free and the rest of him wanted to pummel Sylvain’s perfect face.

“Annette!” Mercedes called.

No. No. No. No. Ashe was cold, sure, and he was probably going to be feeling a little miserable for a few days but his condition hadn’t been that bad. He had only fainted once, maybe twice, Mercedes should be a strong enough healer to stabilise him.

Dedue let him go at last but Felix found that he couldn’t move. He twisted, slowly, watching as Annette rushed to help Mercedes. Annette summoned a healing field over Ashe, combining her magic with Mercedes’ over the still boy.

Except Ashe wasn’t laying still anymore. He was tossing and turning, moaning as if he was in pain. Felix had been right about something was wrong but that didn’t mean he was happy about it.

Shoving passed Dedue, Felix made a beeline towards Ashe. Getting closer still he could now see that Ashe’s pale face was now flushed, his eyes screwed shut as he readjusted beneath Dimitri’s cape.

“What’s happening?” Felix demanded.

His voice wasn’t shaking, nor were his hands, he made certain of it. And yet… Mercedes looked up up him Felix felt his skin crawl as if she could see straight through him.

“He has developed a fever,” Mercedes said. “I don’t think it’s just from staying out in the rain.”

“He was sick before?” Dimitri asked, coming up behind Felix.

“Shut up Boar.”

“Felix,” Dimitri said. “I’m trying to help.”

Even back at the academy Ashe had been prone to illness but he was just as prone to not admit it until it was too late. But Felix had hoped they had passed that, surely Ashe would have said something earlier if he was sick. Surely he trusted them enough with the truth.

Ashe shuddered, giving off another loud moan.

“What can we do?” Dimitri asked.

“Ashe needs fresh water, both to drink and to cool him.”

“But he’s already so cold.” Felix said.

“Yes,” Mercedes allowed. “He is hypothermic but he is also feverish. We need to treat both. Annette and I have stabilised him for now but we will need someone will have to watch him at all times.”

“I will.” Felix said.

Annette stood up. She wobbled a little, what energy she had gained from sleeping already gone, but Felix was there to kept her upright. He would always be there for her, no matter what she needed of him, even if he didn’t know how to tell her as much.

“Thank you.” Annette said. “You can take first watch but Ashe is going to need some time to recover.”

“I said I can do it.”

Dimitri set a hand on Felix’s shoulder but Felix shoved it off again. He didn’t need to be coddled like some child, he could handle watching over Ashe for as long as Ashe needed him to, Felix was strong enough to do that. Just as he was strong enough to protect Annette and Mercedes and all of them because these idiots had his entire heart as much as it infuriated him.

“Okay, if you are taking first watch, and I mean first and only first watch,” Dimitri said. “Sylvain and I will go fetch some water.”

That name made Felix furious all over again. Ashe wouldn’t have gotten so bad if Sylvain had just done his damn job. Truely, Sylvain was ridiculous with his stupid- Felix chewed his lip, forcing the tension in his shoulders to ease. Sylvain hadn’t known that Ashe was ill any more than the rest of them had.

Ashe’s condition wouldn’t have been so dire if Sylvain had replaced him, sure, but if Mercedes was right about the rain having simply exacerbate an illness he had already developed then maybe it had simply been a matter of time for Ashe to outwardly present with symptoms.

But he was still angry with Sylvain. It was easier than admitting that Sylvain couldn’t have prevented this. That Felix himself couldn’t have prevented this. Felix needed to hit something, get this nervous energy out. Maybe he should try hitting Sylvain again.

Ashe moaned.

Felix dropped onto his knees beside him, reaching out to- to what? To hold his hand? To run fingers through his silver hair? Ashe wouldn’t want that, not from Felix. Not after Felix had yelled at him when he had found Ashe staring off into the distance, his finger tips and lips blue.

Ashe hadn’t trusted any of them with the truth, what right did Felix have to give him comfort?

Ashe head tilted to the side and then the other. His breathing had quickened but it was still unnaturally shallow. Felix should call for the girls, surely there was something more they could do for him.

Except both Mercedes and Annette already looked exhausted and he had vowed to watch over Ashe. He could manage the boys condition, at least until they had time to replenish their magic. He stayed with Ashe until Dimitri and Sylvain returned with the water. His blood boiled seeing Sylvain again so soon but Sylvain didn’t say anything so maybe Felix could put up with him for a little while, at least for Ashe’s sake.

Dimitri repositioned his cape on Ashe, chewing his lip the way he did whenever he was worried. Then Dimitri pulled away again, taking Sylvain with him, leaving the fresh water with Felix.

Felix tore a strip of cloth from his own clothes, soaking it in the cool water. He gently wiped the sweat away from Ashe’s face. Ashe moaned, leaning into the touch. While the boy seemed to settle after a moment, he didn’t fully wake.

Leaning back on his heels, Felix wondered how else he could help Ashe. He wasn’t so stupid as to force Ashe to drink when he was unconscious, he was already feverish they didn’t need to add drowning on the list. Felix considered holding Ashe’s hand again but he didn’t. Ashe didn’t want to hold his hand, he probably wanted nothing to do with Felix in the first place after he had treated him like that.

After a few hours Ingrid came to replace him.

“Go rest.” She said.

“It’s the middle of the day.” Felix said.

“Yes,” Ingrid agreed. “But it’s still important to take shifts. Even if you don’t go and sleep, a break will do you well.”

“Ashe is ill.” He said.

“Because he didn’t rely on his friends. Are you going to make that same mistake?”

Felix opened his mouth. He closed it again. He couldn’t fault her reasoning and yet he still wanted to fight it. He couldn’t leave Ashe, not when Ashe might still need him. But while he wasn’t physically exhausted, having recovered from the battle the day before, he still felt drained as if everything that had happened to Ashe was affecting him too.

“Being emotional is tiring.” Ingrid said.

“I’m not emotional.” Felix snapped.

Ingrid’s lip was upturned in a barely concealed smile. He crossed his arms tightly, not letting himself be amused. This wasn’t a time to be amused, it was a time to be angry and maybe even just a little bit worried. But he had had an emotional outburst about not being emotional and if Ingrid kept looking at him like that then maybe it was okay to be a little amused. But only a little, Ashe was still ill after all.

Felix found that doing some training recentered him. By taking a little time away from Ashe, though Felix was definitely glancing over at the boy after every completed set of movement, Felix felt a little more like himself and much more able to take on anything that came from this.

After a time Ingrid was replaced with Dedue. From where Felix was, he couldn’t really hear the lyrics of the lullaby that Dedue sung him but it had sounded beautiful all the same and Ashe had stopped tossing and turning long enough to get some actual rest.

Once Dedue’s shift was complete, the man approached Annette and checked in to see how she was doing before reminding her gently that it was her turn to watch over Ashe. Annette was happy to watch over him, bringing with her some knew concoctions that hopefully would decrease his fever.

Sylvain had a shift too and the entire time Felix’s hands were shaking. Sylvain had caused this, he had no right to sit by Ashe. Except it hadn’t been his fault, not really. Just as Felix had made mistakes in yelling at Ashe when he was sick, Sylvain had made the mistake of not rousing himself in time for his watch shift the night before.

A mistake. A stupid mistake but a mistake all the same.

One that Felix needed to forgive him for.

It took another two days before Felix dared to say anything to Sylvain but that conversation was strictly over now and neither one of them will ever again mention anything about tears or warm hugs.

The forth day of Ashe’s illness seemed a little better. He had been able to tolerate a little bit of water and he was even able to stay awake for a little bit longer. He was still exhausted, there was no denying that, but he was doing better.

If doing better meant being unnaturally quiet.

Ashe would answer questions, though he would conveniently fall asleep whenever they asked too much about how he was feeling or wether he had known he was ill even before staying in the rain all night.

The Blue Lions took equal shifts in tending to him. Dimitri had already sent word to the rest of the army that they were going to stay at this camp for a few more days, issuing orders of what needed to be done in the mean time and Ingrid and Sylvain had just left to go hunt some game, Mercedes promising to make everyone soup.

Felix took Ashe’s hand into his own, his heart aching from how cold it was. Even though Ashe had been next to the fire for days it was like ts warmth still had yet to reach him.

Felix squeezed Ashe’s hand tightly.

His eyes flickered open.

“‘lix?” Ashe croaked.

“It’s me.” Felix said stiffly. “Rest.”

“Felix… Sorry… Useless…”

“I know I’m useless,” Felix said. “I’ll go get Mercedes.”

It had been foolish of him to think he could have comforted Ashe in some way. What magic he did know was all offensive and for some strange reason lighting spells did little in lessening a fever.

“No.” Ashe moaned. “I’m useless.”

“What the hell are you on about?” Felix demanded.

Ashe had done so well these past few battles. He had single handedly made it possible to have victory after victory with minimum casualties, always reliable no matter what mission he had been given. It was fair enough that he was a little run down from that but he was certainly far from useless.

This last battle especially was won by Ashe. If he hadn’t been stationed by those villagers then Dimitri would have no doubt have been distracted when he was facing down impossible enemies and the Boar would have no doubt done something stupid. Felix too could only fight so hard when he knew for certain that the people, the commoners and noble children alike, were safe and he knew that the others felt the same.

These battles, this war, was to protect the people themselves and if anything happened to the people then any victory was not worth it.

Some of the villagers had even seen Ashe’s bravery and had pledged their loyalty in the next fight and Ingrid had expressed to Felix just how proud of Ashe she was when they were making camp last night. He had protected so many vulnerable people and yet no one had protected Ashe.

He was the best of them, truely, and yet here he was, claiming that he was useless.

Because Felix had never made certain he knew the truth.

“You’re not useless.” Felix said firmly. “You’re brilliant. And strong, and smart and kind.”

Ashe’s hand twitched in Felix’s and Felix realised that the boy was looking away from him, not believing Felix’s words. The coldness found its way back into Felix’s heart.

“How long have you felt this way?” Felix asked.

“It’s nothing.” Ashe mumbled. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, enough of that. How long have you called yourself useless?”

Felix knew that he was being too rough with him, he should just let Ashe rest. But if Ashe’s doubts were anything like Felix’s then maybe it was best that he voice them now before they ate him whole.

“I don’t know.”

There were tears brimming in Ashe’s eyes and Felix held his hand ever more tightly.

“Ashe,” Felix said. “You’re not a burden. I know it’s hard to believe it sometimes, trust me I know, but there are people here who care about you. People who love you.”

“But I did nothing to help you guys on the battlefield.”

“What are you talking about? Ashe, the only reason why you allocated to guard the civilians is because we know we can depend on you to protect them. You can calm them, relate to them in a way that none of us nobles ever can. You know what life is like for them but you have strength and the kindness to protect them from danger.”

The tears were falling outright now and Felix reached out with the other hand to brush them away.

“We depend on you, Ashe,” Felix said. “And you have never once let us down.”

Ashe squeezed Felix’s hand weakly. He was building his strength back and that was going to take time but Felix was going to be there for him all the way. And so will all the others because they weren’t just comrades. They were friends. More than that, they were practically family by this point.

“Now get some sleep,” Felix said. “I will watch over you. And so will Dimitri. And Dedue, and Mercedes, Ingrid and Annette. And… Sylvain. We will all watch over you and we will only continue on when you’re ready, okay? So take your time, gain your strength.”

“Felix?”

“What?”

“Thank you. For everything.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something. He closed it and simply smiled instead.

Ashe was going to be okay. And even if he wasn’t, at least he wasn’t alone.