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I was far enough away from the main group to not see them, but I could still hear the commotion. First it was a tree climbing match, then it turned into whoever could get the highest and be the loudest. Such things are not to my taste. I decided I would be better off on my own, even though as Bandit put it, “this was a team exercise” I still decided I would complete it on my own. It was a very scenic park, one of the last remaining untouched forests. The hills in the distance couldn’t be described as mountains, as their slopes were too gradual, they were formidable in their size for sure.
After some time I heard a small crack in the distance, definitely from a branch, and I snapped my head back only to see no one. I panned my surroundings. I thought it was Kapkan at first, but he wouldn't make such a loud noise. I checked under my own steps to double check it wasn’t me who stepped on something until I was ambushed. I felt someone throw themselves on me,
“I found you, fuck yeah!”
I looked and saw it was Maël, “Scheiße! Was that necessary?”
He looked at me, “absolutely”
I laughed, “Why are you here? You’re not part of Rainbow”
“Rude, but true” He pouted, “So you want me to leave?”
“No, no I didn’t-”
“I’m just fuckin with you, of course I came to your team building exercise, who do you think organized it?”
“Not you”
He sucked through his teeth, “you’re right about that”
“I knew it” I laughed and pushed myself off the ground, restarting my walk up the rocky terrain. The Frenchman continued and caught up to me,
“You do know this is a team exercise?”
“Yeah, but I prefer to walk alone”
“C'mon you don’t like any of them?”
“It’s not that I don’t like them, they’re just so much to deal with”
“Even Shuhrat?”
I glared over to Maël, “no, it’s just, he’s different”
“How is he different? Is it all the trauma?”
“No, and that’s not funny”
“Then how is he different?”
“He just is!” This came out louder than I anticipated it to, but it got the point across, “why aren’t you with your boyfriend?”
Maël laughed and looked over at me, “who do you think joined Alexsandr and them”
I thought about it for a second and then I realized it made perfect sense and laughed, “fair enough”
He continued our walk in a comfortable silence, as we could finally no longer hear the other operators from here. I paid most of my attention to the stunning nature, and not falling down the hill as rocks worked to twist my ankles. The last time I’d been to a park was so long ago I almost forgot how beautiful they were. I tried to burn the images of nature into my head but I couldn’t stop thinking about Fuze; if he was here I would tell him about the oldest tree in the world, or about that forest that’s all one tree. He would nod and that little smile would come on his face, his lips twitched ever so slightly when I got excited about something. I doubt he knows I would notice something so small. Then when I finished he would tell me about his day, or more accurately who was annoying him that day.
I was snapped from my daydreaming when I stepped on a particularly large rock making me almost fall before Maël grabbed my arm,
“Hey! come back to reality.” I quickly grabbed back and regained my balance. Once I wasn’t about to fall Maël patted my back, “what do you say I go get Shuhrat?”
My eyes snapped to him, “what? No, why?”
“Well you clearly have something going on and I’m pretty sure he was walking alone.”
“How do you know where he-” I cut myself off and side eyed Maël, “of course”
Maël chuckled and started walking away, “never underestimate what I know, mon ami”
I shacked my head and decided to take a short break. I sat on a nearby rock and took off my pack, pulling out my water bottle and taking a sip of the freezing water. It was a great contrast against the beam sun and unrelenting heat. I distracted myself by watching a couple ants slowly loving in a line before a couple others followed behind. I was tempted to follow and find the ant hill they were clearly going towards, but I didn’t want to get lost. I must have lost myself in the travelers because Fuze was already here,
“Looking at, ants?”
I jumped up slightly and looked up to the towering Russian, “uh, yeah.” I nervously cleared my throat, “th- they made a little path”
He nodded slightly and held his hand out, “well come one, this is supposed to be a hike”
I smiled a little and grabbed his hand, pulling myself from the rock and onto my feet. He started waking in silence and I tried to keep my eyes on the woods ahead of me, but my brain kept trying to look at Shuhrat.
We had only been walking for a few minutes before I stepped and realized I made a mistake. My foot lost its balance and the rest of my body followed suit down the small embankment. I tumbled through small but painful bushes and a couple rocks before I reached a stable lower point.
“Вот дерьмо, Marius! Are you okay!?”
I opened my eyes and winced, “yeah, I don’t anything is broken”
Fuze sighed and started making his way down without falling like me. Once he reached the bottom he set his pack down and started looking through it, “Marius you can’t scare me like that!”
“I didn’t mean to fall!”
I was embarrassed by my clumsiness, but Fuze acted so caring. There wasn’t even a slight amount of judgment in his voice, just concern.
He pulled out a small first aid kit from the bag and removed the small bottle of peroxide and gauze. He looked at me and I gave him my arm, he grabbed it lightly and pulled it close enough so he could dress the scratches. I watched him as he intensely stared at my arm, he broke the silence to my surprise,
“Are you just going to stare at me?”
My face flushed red and I stumbled for a response while I averted my eyes, “wh, what? No.” I cleared my throat and tried to change the topic, “did you know some of these trees are older than modern humans”
Fuze chuckled and muttered to himself, I looked back to him, “what?”
He stopped what he was doing for a second and looked at me, “that's just a very you thing to say”
“well, I’ll take that as a compliment”
“Good, it was”
We looked at each other for a second and I got to see a different Shuhrat then what everyone sees. He was smiling, open, and beautiful. But like all things beautiful, they were fleeting. He shook his head slightly and stoped smiling,
“Can I see your other arm”
My smile faded and I complied, trying to show how much I missed what I saw.
He finished with the arm and scooted close to me, to clean what scratches on my face. I knew this was coming, but I could still feel the blood trying to force itself to my face. Fuze was close enough now that I could feel his breathing on my face. He started applying the peroxide and I winced slightly, but I stopped feeling everything when I looked ahead and saw the most beautiful sight. I looked into the dark murky abyss of Shuhrat’s eyes as they moved ever so slightly over my face. I’ve been all over the world, seen breathtaking vistas, glorious sunrises, and colorful sunsets. But this, I couldn’t tell if this was a beginning or an end. If the universe would give me my wish unlike all the times it ignored me. I mentally screamed at the universe until I realized I had to take the plunge, I had to make the move.
So I plunged into the cold unknown and pushed my face into Shuhrat’s. I kissed him and he was startled, before he reciprocated, then pushed me away like he couldn’t make up his mind,
“What the fuck Marius?”
I snapped back to reality and realized what I had done, and realized this wasn’t an experiment where I could just undo my mistake, “Shuh, I don’t, I didn’t, I wasn’t thinking”
“Yeah that' s fucking right you weren’t!”
I felt like the world was collapsing and I was as vulnerable as could be. I stumbled back and got up to run but Shuhrat grabbed my arm,
“Was it?”
I looked at him, “what do you mean?”
“What’s wrong with me Marius? I want you, but it's wrong”
“Hold on, what?”
“We can’t do this”
“Why not!”
We looked at each other, waiting for the other to respond,
“What if it's a sin?”
I chuckled lightly, “stop listening to Olivier”
He frowned and looked at me, “I’ve never felt like this before”
“Neither have I, but let's feel together”
He smiled a little and grabbed my hand, “want to finish hiking?”
I chuckled, “what about your bag”
“Maël can deal with it, he brought me here to deal with you”
“Please I’m the best thing that's happened today”
He chuckled and we started walking, this time together.