Work Text:
The season was officially over. Naturally, the league and FA cup winner hosted a party; this time it was Chelsea and Arsenal, respectively. The party was hosted at Arsenal’s place, simply because it can accommodate more people compared to Chelsea’s.
Arsenal elbowed an unsuspecting Manchester United, “I won’t finish above you, they said. The odds are too small they said.” Arsenal bragged with a smug grin on his face.
Manchester United rolled his eyes and walked away from the London club, “Shut up.” He muttered.
“Oh! And I have more FA cup titles than you now.” Arsenal chased after Manchester United. He is enjoying every second of it.
In the other side of the room, Stoke City and Everton were having a staring contest, despite getting a few stares themselves. Swansea, who was present at that time acted as the judge.
All the attendants’ attention was brought to Arsenal’s sliding glass door when there was a weak banging on it. It was Liverpool. He was banging on the door like a zombie.
As he was the closest, Tottenham opened the door for him. Liverpool stumbled inside, Stoke City and Everton break off their staring contest and rush to his side.
“Who mugged you?” Chelsea—very casuallyasked.
“Do you even need to ask?” Liverpool asked as he shot Chelsea a look of annoyance.
“That bad?” Stoke City raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, it was that bad, now it would be very helpful if someone were to help me up!” Liverpool snapped. Everton held out his hand to Liverpool, pulling him up.
“Grouchy.” Chelsea commented.
Liverpool sat down, and soon enough, everyone went back to their activities.
“You know… I have 12 FA cup titles, Manchester United has 20 league titles and Liverpool here has 5 Champions League titles.” Arsenal said.
“So…?” Manchester United asked, an eyebrow raised.
“I’m not finished. Chelsea has been relegated 6 times. So, I guess we all have our specialities.” Arsenal answered as he elbowed Chelsea. Liverpool smiled and Manchester United bursts out into laughter.
Chelsea scowled, “W-well, I won this season.”
“Doesn’t matter. You only have 5 titles. No history.” Everton called out from the other side of the room.
“I came out to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now.” Chelsea grumbled.
The nearby clubs erupted into laughter. Poor Chelsea could only roll his eyes and move to another spot. Only to come back later because he always needed to be in the spotlight.
“You know what? This is boring. I say we play truth or dare.” Chelsea said.
“I say we play a more… traditional party game.” Stoke City piped up
“Which is…?” The Manchester brothers said in unison.
“Seven minutes in heaven.” Stoke City answered with a smug smile on his face. Five seconds later, empty cups and paper plates were thrown at his direction.
“These are one of those very rare times that I agree with Chelsea. So, truth or dare it is.” Arsenal admitted.
“Same, same.” Tottenham muttered.
“Thank you, brothers!” Chelsea said as he patted the older clubs’ shoulders.
“Don’t—don’t do that. That’s weird.” Tottenham muttered.
Chelsea ignored Tottenham and sat on the floor and said, “It works well when you sit in a circle.”
The other clubs shrugged and sat in a circle.
Chelsea pointed at Liverpool and said, “Liverpool! I choose you! Truth or dare?”
“Uh… truth?” Liverpool said.
“I hoped that you picked dare so it would have been easier for me.” Chelsea muttered, “Truth… Uh… Oh! I got it! Who in this room would be the worst to be trapped in an elevator with?” Chelsea asked.
“You. I’m almost positive that you’d whine the whole time. You or Manchester United.” Liverpool said.
“I don’t whine.” Manchester United retorted.
“Gee. What a way to start.” Chelsea muttered, “Okay, now Liverpool will pick someone.”
“Let’s see. Tottenham! Truth or dare?” Liverpool asked.
“Dare. I’m not a coward. Go on! Come at me!” Tottenham answered with a smirk on his face.
“Okay… let me think… got it! I dare you to speak in your best Shakespearean English for the next 5 rounds.” As soon as Liverpool finished talking, Chelsea and Arsenal bursts out in laughter.
“What?”
“Yes, that’s your dare.”
Tottenham rolled his eyes and said, “Fine, I wilt do't. It's mine turn now… tis fine, Arsenal! I chooseth thee.”
Arsenal blinked rapidly for a couple of seconds, and then he said, “Before you ask… I pick dare.”
“Very well, brother of mine. I dareth thee to putteth on a blindfold and dance with another player. See if thou can guess who tis by touch alone.” Tottenham said.
“What did he say?”
“Dance with someone blindfolded. And guess who that person is by touch.” Liverpool said, “I think that’s what he said.”
“Oh dear god… fine. Blindfold me.” Arsenal said reluctantly.
Manchester United handed his scarf to Arsenal, who took the initiative to stand in a corner, away from the circle. He puts the blindfold on and said, “I’m ready.”
After a while, Manchester United stood up and walked over to Arsenal. Manchester United grabbed both of Arsenal’s hands and started to dance away. The other clubs were laughing their heads off.
“STOP! STOP! Can I feel the person now? Ok, that sounds very wrong.” Arsenal said.
“You may.” Tottenham said with an amused look on his face.
Manchester United stopped dancing and let go of Arsenal’s hands. Arsenal reached out and tried to feel his dancing partner’s clothes. No luck. Arsenal moved his hands upwards and started to feel Manchester United’s head. It was only when Arsenal touched the other’s horns that he realised who it was. Arsenal shrieked and ripped off the blindfold from his face, then he pushed Manchester United away.
“Surprise!” Manchester United said.
“Very light on your feet, brother of mine.” Tottenham commented.
“Shut up.” Arsenal grumbled a response.
“Just before you choose someone, I forgot to mention this rule, you can’t choose a person that has already been chosen. So… you can’t choose Liverpool and Tottenham. I guess it will be best if the chosen ones stand up and get out of the circle.” Chelsea explained.
“Fair enough,” Liverpool said. He stood up and walked over to the couch, Tottenham followed him.
“Ok… I choose… Southampton! Truth or dare?” Arsenal asked as he walked over to the couch.
“Not in the mood for embarrassment. I pick truth.” Southampton answered.
“I really can’t think of anything else besides this… what is more important than money?”
Southampton thought about it for a while, then she said, “Passion… for me, at least. It’s my turn to choose, right? I choose… Swansea.”
“TRUTH!” Swansea immediately screamed out.
“Alright, Swansea. Who in this room do you most trust?” As she was asking the question, Southampton stood up. She sat on one of Arsenal’s dining chairs.
“I trust you the most. Oh, and Liverpool.” Swansea said.
“You don’t trust me? But I’m trustworthy!” Chelsea protested, somehow feeling offended.
“Nay! Thou art not trustworthy.” Tottenham said.
“Why are you all taking a piss out of me?” Chelsea grumbled.
“You are very bully-able.” Manchester United said.
Chelsea decided to give everyone the silent treatment after that.
Swansea stood up and walked over to where Southampton was. “I choose Manchester City for the next round.”
“Dare.” Manchester City’s answer sounded rather hesitant, and nearly everyone noticed.
“Um… for the rest of the game, begin everything you say with ‘All hail Balotelli’” Swansea said.
Manchester United raised his hand and asked, “Where did you get that dare from?”
Swansea shrugged and said, “I was going to make him give a piggyback to someone, but I thought that will be cruel.”
Manchester City took a deep breath. He then said, “All hail Balotelli. I will do this dare like a man. All hail Balotelli. I choose Everton.”
“Ok, I pick truth.” Everton said.
Manchester City stood up and walked towards the kitchen area to grab a drink. He said, “All hail Balotelli. Assuming everyone has their price, what is yours?”
“About… 156 million Pounds?” Everton answered.
“Tottenham can talk normally now.” Liverpool said, “It’s been five rounds.”
Tottenham shrugged and said, “I didn’t have much to say anyway.”
“Stoke City! You’re up!” Everton said. Unlike the others, he simply scooted away from the circle.
Stoke City smirked and said, “Dare me, Everton.”
“I guess I only have this one. Lick the bathroom floor.” Everton said.
Stoke City’s facial expression changed immediately, “You absolute bastard.” Nevertheless, Stoke City stood up and made his way to Arsenal’s bathroom. Everton followed him. Stoke City reluctantly dropped down to the ground and licked the floor. Once he was done, the club immediately stood up and washed his mouth in the sink.
Everton goes back to the living room and announced, “He’s done, folks!”
Stoke City came back with a scowl on his face, he points at Manchester United and said, “You’re next. Make your choice.”
“Dare! I’m no coward!” Manchester United said proudly.
“Hug a player of your choice and refuse to let go. Even if they hit you.” Said Stoke City.
“Ok. Fairly easy, you know.” Manchester United walked over to Manchester City and hugged him, as tightly as he could.
“All hail Balotelli. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Manchester City screamed.
“I’m doing my dare, brother dear.” Manchester United replied.
“All hail Balotelli. LET ME GO!”
“I can’t. Not until the game is over.”
“All hail Balotelli. Curse you.”
“Anyway… Chelsea is the one that hasn’t been chosen yet. So… what do you chose?” Manchester United asked, still clinging to his brother like a koala.
“Truth. I choose truth.” Chelsea answered.
“If you could trade bodies with anyone in this room, who would it be?”
“I’d want to swap bodies with you. I mean…” Chelsea answered and gestured to Manchester United’s horns.
Manchester United was satisfied with the answer. He let go of Manchester City, “Game’s over, right?” He asked.
“Over or not, I’m done. So done.” Manchester City said.
And that was that. The rest of the party went normally—normal when compared to what usually happens in the neighbourhood.