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Karma thought that he was okay not being anyone's first choice.
He was not Nagisa's, the blue-haired boy preferred less unhinged people like Sugino and Kayano, though the 'not-unhinged' part was no longer true for her.
He was not Korosensei's who's favourite student was Nagisa, because of how much raw talent he had (so much for working hard).
He was not Nakamura's, not Okuda's, not Kayano's, nobody's. No one in Class-E nor out could say that they would pick him first in a room full of people, and Karma thought that he had accepted it.
That was before Shiro struck.
Every time Karma closed his eyes, he could feel the anti-sensei material around his arms, the phantom shocks of electricity coursing through his veins, the burn of fire against his skin. When he opened them, his eyes strayed to the eerily straight cuts upon his body from when Shiro became impatient and wanted to try something more entertaining, as he called it.
It was hours after when Korosensei came, after the deep cuts had stopped oozing blood, when the fast air had torn his wounds deeper. Now, reclining on a hospital bed, the wounds had finally stopped bleeding through his bandages, yet still stung whenever he moved.
The mental scarring, however, could not be seen, but was no less painful.
The way Shiro had laughed, a cruel thing brimming with sadism, whenever Karma's pain was strong enough to escape his aching throat, and it replayed inside his head like a broken record player. He did not dare sleep comfortable for the chance that this comfort was simply a dream and that when he woke up again he would still be with Shiro. He knew from Korosensei's drooping figure and Karasuma's furrow of the eyebrows whenever they saw his dark circles that his dilemma was not unnoticed, and that only fueled his self-hatred.
Karma felt strangely betrayed, even though Korosensei (that idiotic octopus) had risked death for him. Why was it, that the only time he was ever someone's first choice, it ended in torture and scars that no amount of time would heal?
He could have picked Nagisa, who had muscles in the negatives and tended to crack under pressure, or Isogai who would have the whole class barging through the doors for their favourite ikeman. Shiro had to choose the person who was highest in physical strength, academic knowledge, and ego, meaning that he had so much further to fall, was so much more rewarding to shatter.
Why? Why was he so weak that he could not take a little bit of pain, and make other people pity him? It was condescending and humiliating, knowing that other people know about his silly fears, and pity him for it. This was the reason, he scolded himself, that nobody wanted him, not even his parents who put everything but their son as a priority.
His parents, of course, had not visited the hospital since Karma had arrived, why would they? They sent him heaps of money and paid the bills, but they would only call a maximum twice per year, and even that was rare and their calls were distant, as if they were friends of a friend rather than direct family.
The legal people involved (Karma never bothered learning their names) had tried to contact them, but with Karma's phone being smashed to bits, their contacts were gone. They hadn't updated his emergency contacts in years. They had more important things to do, and in all honesty, Karma was glad.
He did not know what he would say to them; "hey, this is your son, in case you forgot, I'm in hospital, and I know that you won't show up but I was forced to tell you anyways by my octopus teacher" sounds pretty strange, and if anyone else tried calling them, they would find out about their non-existent relationship with Karma. That would be mortifying beyond compare.
So, when Karasuma and Korosensei had arrived, saying that Ritsu had found a way to convert all his information, including his contacts, into a new phone, Karma felt his heart sink to rest somewhere behind his navel. Now, he had run out of excuses to not talk to his parents, and truly did not know what he was going to do.
When they had exited the room, probably thinking that they were giving him room for a tearful meltdown from his parents, Karma pressed the contact called 'Old Man Bastard', the name not sounding so funny now, put it on speaker mode because his arms still ached, and prayed to any spirit listening for him to not pick up.
Of course, even ghosts were against him. So much for karma.
Nagisa hurriedly stumbled towards Karma's room, the rest of Class-E not far behind, when he saw Korosensei and Karasuma exit the room, whispering to each other. They were all eager to finally see Karma after he had been deemed well enough to have visitors, so when Karasuma held up a hand to stop them from entering, they all rose in indignant protests.
"We haven't seen him in days!"
"Oh come on, he must be bored out of his mind without anyone to beat up or something!"
"You offering?"
"Shut up!"
"Please Mr. Karasuma," Nagisa pleaded, "I thought we were allowed to see him?"
Karasuma sighed, "We have just been able to locate Karma's parent's phone numbers, so we are giving him a little bit of space to talk. Then, we can see him."
The class groaned, but sat down next to the wall, and waited to hear Karma's voice at least. The walls in the hospital were paper thin, so nobody had to strain to hear what was going on inside. Many tried to force themselves not to listen for moral purposes, but some like Terasaka wanted any juicy information about Karma's parents - Karma barely talked about them.
"Karma, what is this?"
A gruff voice came through the walls, startling many people. They had expected something more friendly; if a person like Karma could be such a delinquent, surely his parents were doting and failed to see anything wrong with his behavior, right?
"Father, I, uhm..."
Nagisa thought that it was seemed completely unlike Karma to sound so... anxious.
"What is it? I was in the middle of a meeting."
"Father, I'm in the hospital." Karma said it so fast that it sounded like he was scared.
"...is that all?"
Nagisa was shocked, and it was evident that everyone else was too by their expressions.
"Don't you even want to know why I'm in the hospital?"
"I do not care and don't have time for your childishness, Karma, I have more important things to do, and you probably got hurt by that stupid delinquent stuff you do. You know how many calls I have gotten from your school about your behavior? I had to change my phone number because of them!"
"But-"
"Quiet, Karma! You're not five anymore, you can handle a little scratch! You should not bother me with this petty stuff, I do not care if you got a good score or something, you are not a child anymore! Your mother and I are extremely busy with work, we do not have time for you."
There was a pause, the only sound coming from the room being heavy breathing. From which side it came from, nobody knew. Nagisa suspected it was both.
Karma's voice shook, "father, I was-"
"Enough! I knew we should have left you on the streets and picked you back up when you were ready to take over our business, instead of spoiling you with our precious time, you ungrateful brat! We give you money, we let you stay in our house, what more do you want? If you continue being so immature I will come over there and beat it out of you!"
"What do you mean, spoil me with your time?" Karma's voice broke, "you barely even call me, twice a year if I'm lucky! I have not seen your face in years, do you even remember that I exist? Father, please, just listen to what I have to say for once in your life, why is work more important than your own son!?"
"Karma, I am busy. Do not disturb me again, or I will stop sending you money and you can die hungry."
"Fine, but for your information, I was kidnapped."
The sound of a call ending came, loud silence following.
"Oh my god," Kayano whispered, breaking the silence, hand over her mouth.
That, Nagisa thought, pretty much summed up how Nagisa felt about what he had heard. Who would have thought, that Karma Akabane, the notorious 'lone wolf' of Class-3E, was the same person who had a conversation like this with his father.
Nagisa already struggled meeting his mother's expectations, but he could not imagine how Karma must feel to have his shocking achievements like beating the principal's son at exams brushed off like that. His mother would try to get to know her son at least on the good days. Nagisa at least had his father to fall back on when he was around, but seeing as how Karma called his father, not his mother, said that his relationship with both of them was strained. A strange sense of affinity curled in his chest.
Before anyone from E class could rush into Karma's room and start questioning him, Korosensei held up a tentacle.
"Children, let me handle this." he said, then moved so quickly into the room it was a wonder that the hinges had not come off.
The class dissolved into quiet mutterings about Karma once Korosensei left, as Karasuma gazed at nothing, an uncommon pensive expression on his usually stoic face.
Nagisa could only hope that Karma was okay.
"Karma."
The person in question's head shot up at the voice of Korosensei, where he was staring at his phone with unseeing eyes. The tears were at the edge, but did not fall. They never did. That was the only thing in this situation he was in control of; his reaction.
It was as if someone had carved his heart out, replaced it with one that barely sufficed, let it heal, and ripped it back out again. Yet there was no way he would let them win, never. Not in a million years.
All the wounds that Karma had thought healed were torn apart further. He should have buried all this years ago, when his parents had first left him. Yet here he was, getting teary over a few words from his father. They were what he himself was thinking, so why did it hurt so much?
Korosensei moved over to the ever so slightly shaking redhead, concern on his ever-smiling face.
"Karma, are you alright?" Korosensei said, tentatively raising a tentacle to place on Karma's shoulder, but before he could Karma batted it away.
"What do you think?" Karma snapped, "I'm perfectly fine."
Perfect. What Karma strived to be once to see if his parents would love him then.
"I can see that you are not, let me help you," Korosensei consoled.
"I don't need your help, I'm doing perfectly fine."
It was, after all, how Karma fared usually.
"Your classmates would like to help you as well, they have been waiting for you."
Karma's head shot up, eyes wide with horror. Korosensei felt his heart crack seeing how Karma thought that abusive and dangerously neglectful parents was better than his friend's comfort. He knew that he should have done more, seen more, searched more, when he saw him fall off the cliff in a plan that would have been a suicide whether Korosensei died or not. Yet he could not change the past, he knew that better than anyone, he could only change the future.
"Karma... you do know that you can talk to us whenever you need, right? We are a big family!"
Karma tensed at the word 'family', "yeah, the only problem is that you'll be dead in a few months, and we will all be leaving one way or another."
Korosensei winced, that particular factor was one of the many obstacles that stood in the way of them being a proper family. If only there was a way to ensure that the world would not be blown up, it would be much happier then.
"That does not mean that you should stop making memories with us, there is nothing wrong with letting your guard down. We all care for you, Karma."
The look in Karma's eyes told Korosensei that they had a long way to go before he could believe him, but the spark of hope told him that they had made a start.