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In the depths of the Abyss laid a faction leading the corrupted creatures who dwelled in darkness. The Abyss Order (original name), was in turn, led by a being, an entity who came from another world. He was highly respected, intelligent, and the Abyss Order would be nothing without his leadership.
Unfortunately, when it came to love, the Abyss Order leader, Aether, was incompetent.
It was fortunate then, that the target of his incompetent love, Xiao, found Aether’s attempts at making love to him rather amusing. The Abyss Order only wished that Aether was not so quick to blame them all for their bad advice when it was clear that he was terrible at following the advice… All except Enjou, his advice was terrible.
When Aether first met Xiao, he was bewitched by the yaksha. From the way he moved to the way he fought, it was love at first sight. The rest of the Abyss Order had nothing against their leader falling in love. In fact, they were fully supportive of it. However, they would have very much appreciated it if their leader did not decidedly fall in love while said yaksha was brutally vanquishing their mages.
In the end, the Abyss Lector who was accompanying Aether at the time managed to call for a retreat while dragging their lovestruck leader into a portal to return home.
Aether demanded to know the yaksha’s name after returning to the Abyss, ordering the Abyss Lectors, who had the ability to disguise themselves as humans, to find the yaksha’s name promptly. Jane (not her name), the Abyss Lector, managed to discover that the yaksha was named ‘Xiao’ within the first five minutes of entering Liyue by asking a passer-by.
“What do I do? He’s just so divine!” Aether wailed as soon as he learned of Xiao’s name and smashed the stone table, cracking its once pristine surface.
The three Abyss Mages, serving as the prince’s personal attendants, stood a distance away from the carnage and kept silent as their leader continued to cry over the yaksha’s perfection. Fortunately for the Abyss Order, their prince finally stopped destroying his table and seemingly snapped out of his worship. Unfortunately for them, on the contrary, Aether was still hopelessly in love with Xiao and wished to court him… despite having no experience with anything related to romance.
Being the leader of the Abyss Order came with many privileges. One of them was having your own room. When you lead an (evil?) organisation in a world where uncorrupted land was hard to find, having your own personal room to plot and devise plans (and let loose an occasional evil laugh) was a godsend. The other was having personal attendants to attend to your every need. Be it to fetch snacks because you got hungry doing paperwork or provide a massage because you got tired. They would cater to every single one of your whims. Another important thing to note was that the attendants were also there to provide advice should the leader require it and it just so happened that Aether, the current leader of the Abyss Order, was in need of such service.
“What do you think I should do?” Aether asked, looking over at his three personal attendants.
Glorb (not his name) turned to look at Blorb (not his name) who then in turn, turned to look at Bob (not his name), who sighed defeatedly and floated in front of the Abyss Prince to offer his advice. "Perhaps Your Highness should consider asking the yaksha directly."
"You're right! Thanks Bob!"
"Your Highness, that is not my name..."
It was simple advice, just prance up to the yaksha who had his hands on their hands mere days before, confess eternal love to him, and take him out on a date, if he obliges. A simple, seemingly fool-proof plan.
So, pray tell, how did their esteemed leader manage to mess up so badly?
Was it because the advice was too simple that he overcomplicated it? Or did they have to write down the steps in an organised list for their leader to follow? Or perhaps it was because they did not give him a cue card to read out the exact words to say to increase his chances of success.
Alas, it was none of the above for the moment Aether laid eyes on Xiao once more, he proclaimed his love loudly as one would declare war upon the continent.
“Xiao, you will love me now and forever because I love you!”
In hindsight, they should have rehearsed the scenario to ensure that their esteemed leader knew what to do.
The prince’s personal attendants managed to grab Aether and drag him back into the Abyss in front of a very confused yaksha before said prince could continue squandering what little left of his chances, especially after that declaration of love. They (gently) seated him upon his throne and kneeled before him out of respect. Seconds later, they proceeded to admonish his attempt at a confession.
“Your Highness, that is not how you should go about asking your love out on a date!”
“Really? But that’s how Lumine does it.”
Bob (not his name) wondered if he should ask for a pay raise. Rightly so, he felt a sense of impending doom that his job would now include coaching his leader about love.
“Your Highness, perhaps you should not base your actions on your sister’s. Might I suggest that you first inform the yaksha of your name first? I do not believe he even knew who you were.”
“That’s a great idea! Thanks, Bob!”
“Your Highness, that is not my name…”
Of course, even when recent experience dictated that the acclaimed Abyss Prince was beyond hopeless at following love advice, they did expect Aether to do the same thing again.
(Really, they should have expected it.)
The moment Aether laid eyes on Xiao by infiltrating Wangshu Inn using a portal he had connected from the Abyss to the inn, he declared his name, proclaimed his love, and ordered the yaksha to love him like a servant. In that order. All while Xiao was eating Almond Tofu.
“Xiao! My name is Aether! And you will love me now and forever because I love you!”
Having to drag the Abyss Prince back home twice in a week was starting to feel like a pattern.
The Abyss Order held a meeting with their prince and every high ranking officer in order to put a stop to this madness. There was only one acceptable solution to the problem and that was to get their prince a new boyfriend. The prince’s personal attendants formally requested the gathered members for suggestions and advice while Aether (cutely) pouted on his throne.
“Why not cook his favourite food?” Harold (not his name) the Abyss Herald suggested.
And that was how the prince’s personal attendants and Harold (not his name) found themselves helping to teach Aether how to make Almond Tofu.
No one knew how to make Almond Tofu. No one who was currently attempting to teach Aether how to make Almond Tofu was qualified to make the dish. The only chef in the Abyss Order took one look at the group and decided to take the day off.
“Almond Tofu uses tofu right?” Harold (not his name) the Abyss Herald asked.
Bob (not his name) turned to look at Blorb (not his name) who, in turn, turned to look at Glorb (not his name) who shrugged because he too, did not know if Almond Tofu required tofu.
Aether, being the master chef he was, took out a container of tofu from the cooler and dumped the entire container’s worth of tofu into a bowl. He proceeded to open a packet of almonds, and dumped that on top of the bowl of tofu. He then set about mixing the concoction by smashing the ingredients with a spoon while his retainers looked on with horror. As though his concocting knew no end, he poured the contents into a container and dropped a mist flower corolla in the middle of the indistinguishable mess.
“What do you think?” Aether asked, looking proud of his creation.
There was a beat of silence before Blorb (not his name) said, “It looks great, Your Highness!”
Aether took his homemade ‘Almond Tofu’ to Wangshu Inn, striding in using the portal and walked right into Xiao. The yaksha, unsurprisingly, looked surprised at Aether’s sudden reappearance and Aether, with his infinite wisdom, shoved the container of food–if that’s what it can be called–into Xiao’s hands. Following his grand gesture of affection, he disappeared without a single word. His portal closed behind him, sealing the way to the other side and Xiao could only stare dumbfoundedly at the empty space left behind.
The Abyss Order, including their prince, peered through a scrying glass that was set up weeks prior to watch over Wangshu Inn, to watch Xiao’s reaction to Aether’s gift.
Xiao cautiously opened the container and saw questionable mush with uneven broken pieces of almond scattered haphazardly across it. The centre of the white mass was frozen solid, with thanks to the mist flower corolla. It looked unappetising, disgusting, inedible, and possibly even poisoned. Without a second thought, he closed the container and threw the whole thing into the trash.
Aether was inconsolable for days.
Once he had finally gotten over his rejection, Aether was more determined to succeed in proposing to Xiao. His personal attendants had to convince him to succeed in dating the yaksha first before thinking about marriage.
“Perhaps Your Highness should try giving him flowers?” Glorb (not his name) suggested.
Xiao did not know why the strange man, Aether, was back again in Wangshu Inn or how he kept coming back without anyone’s knowledge. He did not know how Aether managed to drag an entire bush of silk flowers up the balcony and quite frankly, he did not want to know how anyway. He, however, would have very much liked to know at what point in his life that a stranger throwing an entire bush of silk flowers at him and shouting “Please date me!” at the top of his voice, became normal to him. Another thing he would very much like to know–just why did this strange man keep running away without waiting for an answer?
“Your Highness,” Bob (not his name) said at the curled up figure on the bed that was the Abyss Prince. “Please forgive my insolence but you had one job!”
“I know!” Aether wailed under his duvets. “I was shy, okay!?”
In the wake of the incident, the Abyss Order held another meeting. This was much to the embarrassment of their leader, in which there was a step-by-step explanation where Aether went wrong in his latest attempt to ask Xiao out on a date.
“Your Highness, why not smother him with birds then stab him to profess your undying love? People enjoy a little melodrama, yes?” Enjou (allegedly his name) suggested. The rest of the officers at the meeting groaned while Aether looked pensive at the suggestion.
(That look was a sign of things to come. Really, what else were they expecting?)
Xiao sat on the balcony railings, relaxing under the warm rays of the sun. He snapped out of his rest when he heard loud chirping coming from within the inn. He turned his head to face the source of the noise, only to do a double-take at the sight of Aether holding a large cage of finches in his arms. When Aether set the large cage down in front of him, he felt his instincts scream at him to flee.
He was confused, why should he flee?
When Aether opened the door to the cage, Xiao was immediately buffeted by a horde of finches fleeing the cage. As if this could not get any worse, this attempt at confession was followed by a knife that came down on him and he knew he should have fled the moment he felt the instinctive urge to do so.
The knife missed by a hair’s width and fortunately, so did the retaliating spear strike from Xiao. Aether was forced to flee as Xiao hissed in anger, wielding his spear against him defensively. Several Abyss Mages worked to hurriedly push their Abyss Prince into the portal while apologising to the understandably angry yaksha.
Enjou (allegedly his name) was banned from the meetings after that.
Aether returned the next day with his entourage and kneeled down to apologise formally to Xiao. The three personal attendants of the Abyss Prince explained that one of Aether’s minions had given him an obviously bad advice in love and no one had realised that their prince was dumb enough to actually take the advice.
“I am really sorry for trying to stab you,” Aether apologised with the sincerest voice he could muster. “I’ll try not to do that next time… So will you date me now?”
The three personal attendants of the Abyss Prince were quick to pull Aether behind them and prostrated themselves before the yaksha to apologise on the prince’s behalf for his stupidity and lack of self-awareness. However, Xiao raised a hand, stopping them in the middle of their apologies.
“I will date you,” he said.
There was a pause before the Abyss Mages let out cheers and congratulated their esteemed leader for successfully obtaining a promise of a date from the yaksha. As they continued to celebrate, Xiao let out a sigh of relief, believing that Aether would stop with the insane date proposals now that they were dating.
(He was wrong of course, very wrong.)
The Abyss Order thought it would be the end of the prince’s shenanigans, no more strange meetings to ask for advice on how to ask a yaksha out on, no more having to stop their esteemed leader from doing something stupid while attempting to ask the yaksha out on a date. It would be the end of that and they could finally go back to their regular Abyss Order activities.
(They were wrong of course, very wrong.)
A few weeks later, Aether still has yet to go on the date he was promised by the yaksha, when he called for a meeting to ask for advice on dating. At that moment, the Abyss Order wondered if they made a mistake helping their esteemed leader get a boyfriend.
“I need advice on dating,” Aether said as the opening address of the meeting and the people of the Abyss Order at the meeting table groaned in despair.
Everyone turned to look at the three personal attendants of the Abyss Prince who turned their heads to look at Harold (not his name), who sighed loudly and stared up at the ceiling as if to contemplate what had become of his life before turning to face his boss.
“Your Highness, perhaps start the date with a gift to make him happy,” Harold (not his name) suggested, to which everyone else in the meeting room nodded their heads.
The next day, Aether walked into Wangshu Inn with a bouquet in hand. He found Xiao at his usual spot, sitting on the balcony railing and looking out at Guili Plains. He hid the bouquet behind him and sauntered over to Xiao who had noticed his boyfriend’s presence. He placed the bouquet into the yaksha’s arms, only for the yaksha to throw the bouquet to the ground and stomp on it when one of the flowers bit him.
“Your Highness,” Blorb (not his name) asked when Aether returned to the Abyss Order. “Why did you give the yaksha a bouquet of carnivorous flowers from the gardens?”
“I thought they looked nice,” Aether explained. “Do you think he’ll like the poisonous ones in the back gardens?”
“Your Highness,” Blorb (not his name) said, his voice exasperated. “Please don’t give him those.”
Thankfully, Xiao was not upset that his boyfriend gave him a carnivorous plant that tried to eat him as a gift, and so Aether was spared from getting dumped because he almost killed his boyfriend, again.
“What should I do?” Aether asked, directing his question to his personal attendants.
“Your Highness, with all due respect, perhaps you should skip the gift giving and go straight to taking your boyfriend out. Maybe bring him out somewhere nice,” Glorb (not his name) suggested while the other two attendants nodded their heads in agreement.
A few days later, when Aether showed up in the Abyss Order with his boyfriend in tow, everyone who had bore witness to their esteemed leader’s previous attempts at romance collectively looked up at the ceiling in despair.
“Your Highness,” Glorb started, his voice exasperated and laced with exhaustion, “when we said ‘bring him out somewhere nice’, this was not what we meant.”
“What do you mean?” Aether asked, confused and irritated. “This place is nice.”
“That is not the point here…”
Thankfully, Xiao found Aether’s secret evil lair nice, even complimenting the choice of decor in the place. He particularly liked the usage of ghostly blue-white flames lining the corridors. The rest of the Abyss Order, on the other hand, wondered how did their leader manage to luck out on a boyfriend who either ignored or approved of Aether’s apparent lack of aptitude on romance.
“Your Highness, please do not bring your boyfriend to our very secret evil lair,” Jane (not her name) said before setting her sight on the Abyss Prince’s personal attendants. “And you three! Stop letting him do dumb things!”
Xiao merely shrugged in a ‘what can you do’ manner as he ate the Almond Tofu (properly made by the chef) offered to him while sitting on a luxurious sofa when Jane (not her name), glared at him.
Several weeks passed quietly and everyone believed that their esteemed leader had finally dedicated a few brain cells in the field of romance or at least his boyfriend had managed to tame all his wild and insane ideas.
(They knew they were in denial but they wanted to believe in their fantasy for just a while longer.)
When Xiao showed up in their (definitely very secret) evil lair of the Abyss Order unaccompanied, Harold (not his name) had A Very Bad FeelingTM.
“Aether has been telling me things for the past few weeks,” Xiao said without any greetings or opening lines.
Harold (not his name) sighed, dreading the next words that the yaksha would say. “What has he been telling you?” he asked, wondering if he should quit being a terrorist and become a mushroom farmer instead.
“‘Are you a broom because you sweep me off my feet.’, ‘Did you just come out of the stove? Because you’re hot.’, ‘Something’s wrong with my eyes, because I can’t take them off you.’, things like that. But every time he says it, he runs away after and I’m not sure why.”
The Abyss Herald, to his credit, did not outwardly display his inner cringe to the yaksha but he did, however, pray to every god he offended to come back for revenge and kill him.
Many years later, Lumine, the Abyss Prince’s lost sister, accidentally walked in on her brother and the yaksha (whom she was supposed to deliver the news of the Geo Archon’s passing to) kissing on the balcony of Wangshu Inn, proceeded to shriek loudly in embarrassment, and faint on the spot.