Chapter Text
CHAPTER ONE : NO BITCHES
ugh another year with no valentine
why do I even get out of bed anymore
*oscar hears a knock out of his cabin*
hedgeh-
Hey oscar, hedgehog told me you get zero bitches so I decided to do something nice for once and spend valentines day with you to cheer you up
wow Susie I don't know what to say that's so thoughtful
JUST KIDDING LOL why would a perfect girl like me DATE a dumb virgin LIKE you I bet your penis size is 1 inch
See you LATER LOOOSSSEEERRR!!!!!
*the door slams*
Oscar is left shell-shocked and horrified at himself for having no bitches