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Remus had left Ireland and expected nothing but to be on the outskirts of everything university had to offer. His courses were less populated and he certainly did not have any friends in London. This wasn’t to say he had no charm. If he had wanted, he could have everyone wrapped around his finger with a wink. It was distaste for most people that kept him away. He went about his routine like a cog in a machine that refused to stop running. For about a month the only person who knew him by name was the barista at the coffee shop that he visited every morning. It was a bit sad in truth, the grueling repetitive aspects of his existence. He had missed the window to make friends. Remus grew to accept the disconnect from reality. He spectated his own life like a background character in someone else’s movie. He wasn’t truly living his life during that handful of weeks. That was before Remus saw him.
He was a transfer student with a soft french accent. Remus isn’t sure whether it was the fact that he argued with the english professor on his first day or the fact that the very next morning he sat in the corner of the coffee shop with a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray that drew him in. He just knew that he had to talk to him and talk to him he did. It was brief the first time but Remus refused to give up. He learned more about Regulus in fewer words than he thought were even possible to share. It took not even a month of studying together for Regulus to start initiating things. Trips to hole-in-the-wall bookstores and art galleries. They were an inseparable pair of friends. Remus stopped living on autopilot because Regulus taught him how to breathe new air. Remus taught Regulus things too, he just wasn’t aware of this fact. He taught Regulus how to care about someone without any reason to do so. The beauty of their friendship was quiet and personal but neither of them would have it any other way.
Remus had very little dignity when it came to Regulus. His flirting was far from minimal but Regulus never noticed it. Maybe he did, but either way Remus’ puppy crush was smacked down every time. He was fine with that though. Just having Regulus around was enough for him. Just the ability to hear Regulus’ laugh and his little sarcastic comments that came as second nature. Remus lived, slept, and breathed Regulus. Hell, maybe even his death would be about Regulus. He would probably join a cult if Regulus just asked him to. Remus is screwed and oh, he loves every second of it.
It was the same as it always was, Regulus texted Remus and asked him to come over so they could go over the book they were studying that week. Remus, for the first time since they had met, almost refused. It was late and he could already feel the weight of fatigue slumping his shoulders. But he agreed. Because of course he did. Because it was Regulus. Because he would do anything for Regulus. He threw on the first sweater he could, grabbed his cigs, and his book before heading out the door like he was legally obligated to. The walk from Remus’ dorm to Regulus’ flat was maybe ten minutes but his knees still ached dully. The cold made it worse but then again it wasn’t like he cared. Regulus and his cat were worth it. They would continue to be worth it.
It was in fact worth it. Regulus was so heated about the conversation that he went off on tangents entirely in french and Remus adored it all. The way his face conveyed his emotions, the way his hands animated and emphasized his speech. It was beautiful. Beautiful and dangerous. Regulus said things that Remus felt about the book but didn’t even know how to put into words. They understood each other in that way. It was warm. Remus was sure he would never get over the way Regulus made him smile. Regulus wasn’t even a particularly charming person. But Remus didn’t care and quite frankly wasn’t very welcoming himself.
They had very inevitably ended up exhausted, with heavy lids and slower movements as the night inched on. It would be cruel of Regulus to make Remus walk home at this point so he invited him to stay and even reassured him that it was fine. He gave in and ended up borrowing Regulus’ biggest pair of pajama pants for the night. Remus had fallen asleep nearly falling off the bed to give Regulus the least amount of trouble throughout the night. It was awkward to sleep in your best friend’s bed when you were very undoubtedly infatuated with them, but it was just one night. Remus could survive one night. Even though everything around him smelt of Regulus. Even though Regulus was breathing slowly, already fast asleep, just a few feet away from him. He would be fine. It took at least two hours for him to stop overthinking it and fall asleep. Total opposite sides of the bed, Remus was safe.
Remus’ face scrunched up as he woke up, thoroughly out of his senses like he always was in the early morning. The first thing he noticed was the warmth of the sun streaming through the window and spreading across the bed. The second thing he noticed was that it smelt like Regulus. The memories of last night return and his ears go a light shade of red. He can’t fight the morning forever, he decides as he goes to roll over. Remus is suddenly very aware of the weight on his chest and the arms very tightly holding him in place. His eyes shoot open in a frenzied manner, darting to the boy who is sleeping very soundly on top of him. Remus is lucky that he is still asleep because his cheeks tinge red as his pulse quickens rapidly.
This is exactly what Remus had tried to prevent from happening. This would be the worst-case scenario if he was trying to escape just how enamored with Regulus he is. But something in him softens, going fuzzy at the edges as his gaze falls to Regulus’ face. The sun beams just pass over his face gifting his skin a soft glow. His hair is a mess, stray pieces framing his cheekbones and curling in odd places. His lips are a very full shade, just slightly parted for his breaths to escape. His eyelashes rest on his cheeks, truly adding to his natural beauty. Regulus is a serene, innocent beauty. Regulus is the depth of a painting as varnish fleshes out the colors and adds a bold purpose to the lines. Remus closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to contain every urge in him. His arms are resting on Regulus’ lower back and he settles for rubbing his back with one hand very slowly. He can’t very well wake him but if he spends another moment with Regulus in his arms he will be doomed for all of eternity. If he wasn’t sure he liked Regulus before he was very certain now. He is head over heels for Regulus Arcturus Black.
Just as Remus finds the ability to breathe again, Regulus shifts upward and ultimately ends up with Remus’ face buried in his hair. Remus is dead. He has entered the realm of spirits where he is doomed to loop the same dream over and over again. That is what this is. When he finally breathes, you would swear he had just inhaled chloroform. Remus throws his head back on the pillow and groans quietly. Regulus’ shampoo smells of peppermint. Regulus smells like peppermint. Because of course he does. Remus labels himself a creep before burying his nose in Regulus’ hair again. It’s maddening just how lovely he is. Remus’ stomach is doing flips as he shifts one hand off Regulus’ back and up to his face.
Remus very gently brushes a piece of hair out of Regulus’ face, lingering in awe at the scene playing out before him. Regulus is just a friend. A friend Remus might love that is quite literally clinging to him in his sleep. A friend whose essence is so priceless that it belongs inside the walls of the Louvre. Remus lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding as he slips his hand very cautiously into Regulus’ hair. When Regulus doesn't wake at the new pressure, Remus very gently starts to card his fingers through Regulus’ hair. His hair is so soft, flowing through Remus’ calloused fingers like water through rocks. Regulus seems to lean into this touch despite his slumber which causes Remus to pause for a moment in fear of being caught. It’s only for a single beat because as always, Remus has very little dignity when it comes to him.
This pattern of playing with Regulus’ hair and admiring him continues for an amount of time Remus isn’t quite sure of. His inner cheek has been chewed to shreds in deep contemplation. More than anything, Remus wants this moment to last forever. He knows it is incredibly naive to wish for time to freeze at a perfect moment to have for eternity. Life doesn’t work like that, wishing for things one cannot have leads to resentment. Wishing for Regulus when he cannot have him will eventually make Remus bitter. He knows this and still, he holds Regulus like he’s holding the most precious thing that has ever existed on planet earth. Just for now. Just let Remus hold him for now. He’ll never ask for another thing ever again if he can have Regulus right now.
That’s a lie. He might ask for another thing. Just one more thing. He rolls the thought over in his mind, examining every angle he can find. Especially the bad ones. He could ruin everything. He could lose the boy in his arms. The boy who loved classic novels, earl gray tea, and plotting constellations. The only boy that Remus felt knew him and cared despite all of his scars. These were just reasons to love Regulus. This moment set that seed of realization deep inside Remus, planted in him more than it already had been. Remus loves Regulus. Fully and completely. In a dependent way, the relationship between the moon and the tide. He supposes that’s why he so desperately craves to kiss him right now. Despite morning breath and awkward angles and how grumpy Regulus is when he’s woken up. He wants to kiss him gently, to pour his soul through the mold of their lips into Regulus to fill every crack inside of him. To become one, no start nor finish to the creature they would become. He just wants Regulus.
His breath hitches in his throat as he begins to realize that this desire to kiss Regulus might just overcome him. The way Regulus just exists and manages to be this endearing is damn near the eighth wonder of the world. His lips look so soft. Cherubs couldn’t rival the beauty inside Regulus. Remus takes a deep breath and slowly slides his hand from Regulus’ hair down to cradle his chin. Time slows in an almost cliche way as Remus leans in, or maybe he truly is just leaning in that slowly. Either way, as the tips of their noses brush Remus pauses and doesn’t lean in any further, sliding his hand to the back of Regulus’ neck in defeat. It would be wrong. He couldn’t do that to Regulus. He wouldn’t risk ruining everything they have with each other.
“Well if you won’t do it I will.”, Remus doesn’t even have time to process his first shock before he has to handle the shock of Regulus practically pouncing on him.
Regulus’ hands fly to hold Remus’ jaw on either side as he kisses him in a very far from gentle manner. Remus’ eyes are wide open for a few seconds as he groans in surprise. It doesn’t take long for him to plant his hands on Regulus’ waist, pulling him as close as he possibly can. Regulus does not give Remus even a moment's notice as he moves his knees to either side of Remus’ hips, biting his lower lip eagerly. All of the power Remus previously thought he had slipped out of his fingers like sand through an hourglass and he was lightheaded from the force of it all. This is not to say he isn’t elated. Remus is happier than he has been in years. Regulus wants this just as much as he does. Regulus initiated it. For once in his life, he is getting what he wants. He has Regulus.
They’re both painfully unaware of how much time has passed until Remus very regrettably pulls away from the kiss. They’re both panting, breathing desperately due to their deprivation during the heavy kisses. Regulus is still cradling Remus’ jaw, looking down at him with glossy eyes and slick lips. Remus feels his heart flatline entirely. Something about how Regulus appears before him at this moment brings the widest smile to his face. His cheeks hurt but he still smiles. He smiles and smiles until the ghost of a grin crosses Regulus’ face. Remus is sure he looks like a dog right now but he doesn’t care. He pushes himself up and plants a wet kiss on the tip of Regulus’ nose before successfully rolling the two of them over. Remus kisses Regulus very gently and briefly before pulling back up to look down at him.
“You’re so beautiful, Reg.”, he practically coos it. Regulus’ cheeks tint a deep red and he throws his hands to his face, groaning into them.
“Jesus christ Remus it is eight in the morning.”, both of them are aware that he isn’t truly complaining. It gets to Remus’ head that he can fluster Regulus like this.
“Oh yeah you’re right.”, Remus plops down beside Regulus in bed, grabbing his hands and pulling them away from his face. “So where was that attitude when you decided to makeout and straddle me not even two minutes ago?”
“You are not playing fair! You played with my hair for ten minutes while I was supposed to be asleep you hypocritical cunt.”, Regulus grabbed Remus’ hands and shook them, overplaying his exasperation.
“Oh so you were pretending to be asleep?”, Remus’ face sported a shit-eating grin as Regulus scowled at him.
“No shit sherlock, keep up.”, his words were bitter as he scooted closer to Remus.
“Any reason you’re going to give for that or am I going to have to believe you did it just so I would touch you?”, Regulus pulled Remus’ hand closer, pressing a kiss to the palm as he contemplated his answer.
“Either way it’s the same thing, I admit nothing.”, he smiles cockily as Remus gasps.
Remus leans in to pepper kisses all over Regulus’ face, their laughter mixing into one joyful note. When he gave up on tormenting Regulus, he took to staring at him. The two just lay like this, limbs tangled together in the little space between them as they stare longingly. It’s the carelessness of the morning, the giddiness of their freshly bloomed love story. Their eyes are so soft, so fond of each other and every little flaw. They could lay like this forever. It was naive of Remus to wish he could freeze time but at this moment he swore that it was just them and their mingling breaths. Nothing existed outside of them. There was nothing that could ever taint the way Remus so ardently adored Regulus at this moment. The way Regulus felt the same thing in every magnitude. Their souls mixed, their thoughts were one. They were nothing but intertwined fingers and bed head.
Regulus pulls Remus’ hand to his face, burying his lips in it. He plants kiss after delicate kiss in every inch of skin that he can. He’s so caring, so careful with every feathered kiss. He smiles into them, smiles at Remus in a way that Remus is sure he has never seen on anyone before, let alone Regulus. Remus just watches in wonder, his heart growing fainter and fainter with every soul-sucking kiss Regulus places on his skin. He wants to tell Regulus exactly what he feels. Every bone and muscle in his body reaches out to him, screaming with excitement. Regulus truly did care for Remus in the same way. Regulus has known that he loves Remus. He’s known far longer than Remus has. He’s known since he saw him. He just knew.
“Regulus, I—”, Remus is hushed by Regulus’ lips. It’s short and sweet, ending with Regulus burying his face in Remus’ hair before pulling away to speak.
“Remus, I adore you. I adore everything you do. I adore the way you speak. I adore the way you smell. I adore how passionate you are. I adore your hair. I adore your freckles. I adore your dorky smile. I adore that you pet my cat despite being allergic. I adore the way you annotate your books. I adore the way you see me. I adore you more than I have ever adored anything. I want you in my life. I have never been this dependent on another person. I am terrified of the way you make me feel. I am downright scared. Some parts of me cower in the corner of my mind like a child afraid of the dark. But I know now that some things are worth anxiety. I know that I must work to obtain the things that I need. I need you to stay. I needed you last night. I have needed you every night since I met you. You are the single most important person that I have ever met. Thank you for existing. You are just as necessary for survival to me as the moon in the midnight sky.”, his words are somehow simultaneously desperate and solid. He is sure of these things. He speaks them to Remus as truth. His emotions flooded him and he would drown if he could not voice them to Remus. Remus is there to pull Regulus into his arms. He’s fairly certain that his heart just might burst at the confession he’s received.
“I love you too.”, he pulls Regulus back and holds his cheeks in his hands.
He presses gentle slow kisses to his face, muttering those three words with each one. Regulus’ face is hot and Remus doesn’t even stop to comment on it. He just showers Regulus with the praise he knows that he has been starved of. Every kiss is filled with love, every word spoken is soaked in truth. He cradled Regulus’ heart with gentle hands and didn’t plan on breaking it anytime soon. He eventually pulls away and just smiles at the boy he is undeniably in love with.
“Come on Remus, let’s go get a cup of tea.”