Chapter Text
I was waiting at the traffic lights standing next to my younger brother, than a random old lady said to me “aren't you going to hold your big brother's hand?” looking down at me, I sighed feeling a clench in my stomach when anyone says such things to me, and I just grabbed my little brother's hand not wanting to correct her, and just wanting to get across the road as fast as I can, with my brother saying to the woman “oh no Miss he is actually my big brother, I just look old for my age” but it never helps with people thinking it is some sort of weird joke.
But having gotten use to just letting strangers think I'm a 8/9 year old when I am actually 15, and how everyone thinks my little brother is 14/15 when he is actually 11, and how he is normally thought of as my big brother when I am with him.
He normally tries to stick up for me like right now with the woman nodding her head up and down to my brother while I know she does not believe us, but my brother normally keeps it up, saying when I asked him why he does? He just said, “i like being your younger brother” and that is all I got from him.
And well I don’t blame her, my brother has had a ridiculously big growth spurts on and off all last two years and even before that we were the same size, but at least people could tell I was his older brother when we were the same size.
This the could not stop me from thinking that One off the most annoying things is, how I have to have his hand me downs, looking down at my body, seeing I am wearing bright green soccer shorts and a bright blue t-shirt what has stars printed on it and velcro skater trainers, what all belonged to my brother two years ago, and my jet black hair is long with it reaching my shoulders and unkept, with all of this just makes me look like a scruffy kid and not a neat clean teenager.
But my brother has short brown hair having it cut every 4 weeks, what keeps him looking smart and is one of the main things what makes him look older, and he is also wearing a buttoned up white shirt, perfect fitting jeans and converse’s on his feet, what was all brought just for him by my parents, but when I ask for new clothes and a haircut saying all off my clothes and my hair make me look like a little kid, they just say they can’t afford it, and they only buy my brother clothes because he needs them and I can just use them once a grow big enough.
Anyway, once we crossed the street, and finely made it to my group of friends who we are going paintballing with, for James one of my best friend's birthday parties, what he is sharing with his little 9 year old brother Timmy who is tuning 10 in a week, who was going to laser tag, what is at the same place.
The place was big and in an abandoned factory what look’s really cool to play paintball in, I walked up to my friends saying hi to them, knowing them since I was 11, and with my brother giving a little wave and staying close to my side always being nervous around them, and he was asked to come as well knowing them as long as I have, having to look after him while I hung around with them in the past, and James being the nice guy he is, inviting him as well.
My brother turned to me and said “Luke, this place looks quite big, are you sure it is all right to lie about my age to play?” he did look a little scared, and I knew he was still an 11 year old even though people see him as a 14 to 15 year old, and I said “trust me Jason, you are going to love this and, all you got to say is that you are 14, ok?” and I carried on talking to my friends while Jason kept looking around looking slightly more scared.
After 10 or so minutes waiting for are time slot to come, so we can go in, Jason tapped me on my shoulder again and said in a shaky voice “ L..Luke, I really don’t want to play paintball, it seems l..like a lot, I would rather go with them and play laser tag?” with him pointing over to the kids around the laser tag area,
I sighed, thinking when I was his age, I would kill to play paintball here and not laser Tag in a black cube building, where laser tag is played inside, why is he always like this, people treat him older than he is all the time, but he can act younger than he actually is sometimes like right now.
But looking up at my little brother's face seeing he looked like he could cry, I knew I needed to at least try and help him and said “fine but I will need to ask whoever is in charge if you can swap, ok?” Jason smiled and looked like he was giving a second chance in life, and nodded.
So, I looked over at where my friends' little brother and all of his friends are, seeing them getting fitted with silly camo overalls what worked like a onesie to make them look more the part as a soldier and as well as having the sensers where you had to shoot on the uniforms with the light guns.
So I sighed and went over there looking around and realized I was the same hight as most of the kids here, seeing a man helping the kids with the overalls and thinking this must be the man in charge, but he was busy helping a kid so I decided to wait for him to finish helping him with his overalls, looking back to make sure my friends have not gone in to the paint ball area to get their guns yet, and saw Sam one of my closest friends talking to my brother, what made me smile knowing that Sam is always nice to Jason and has aways come off as a nice guy, and I turned back to the guy.
After a minute the guy finished dressing the kid so I went up to him and said “excuse me” but the guy cut me off and said “what size are you little man?” I just gawked at him, he must think I'm one of the little kids wanting to get a overall, and I decided to correct him saying “no, I am not here for that, I was wondering if my brother could play laser tag instead of paintball?” and I pointed at him.
The guy looked at him and said “I'm sorry kid but I can’t make your big brother come and play with you, you are going to be fine in there, and have loads of fun,” I could not believe it, does he think I am a scared kid asking for my little brother to come with me? and I am starting to get a bad feeling in my stomach, not liking where this is going and said “no, you got it wrong, I am playing paintball, and my brother, who is actually my younger brother, and I am actually 15, and my brother wants to join laser tag instead, because he is scared that he is not ready for it?” finding myself sounding nerves, knowing how people always get me mixed up as a kid, and I can't afford for it to happen now, with my friends just over there!
The guy just smiled at me now and said “ok little buddy, did your brother tell you to say that, because I do not by it one bit, and if you keep on lying to me and don’t put this overall on, I am going to have to call your parents!”
I looked up at him getting annoyed now, and said “but I'm 15 and playing paintball with my friends! I can prove it, I got identity in my bag what my brother has, so if you let me go and get it I will prove I am not lying?”
The guy just looked at me and said “well you won’t be able to now, your big bro has gone in to get ready for paintball, so here are your choices little man, I call your parents or you get in to this” with him holding a camouflage overall.
I looked back where my brother was and saw nobody there thinking, fuck why me!, and what happened to my brother being too scared to play paintball, but I was now stuck here with this guy, i definitely did not want him to call my parents, it would make a big scene and my friends would tease me for weeks or even months if they found out I got mixed up as an actual 8 year old, where they already do it enough, with me looking like one and even sounding like one, with my stupid high pitch voice.
So, the only thing I could do was say “fine!” with him smiling down at me and then Holden the overall thing open for me to step into, thinking I could not do it myself, but I did not want any more of this guy's lip, talking to me like a little kid.
sure, people normally mistake me for a kid, but it has never gone this far, they normally find out I'm not a little kid, by my friends of family telling them, or the maturity of the time they believe me when I tell them enough stuff to convince them I'm not, but this guy just did not want to listen.
Once he pulled it up, he helped me with the sleeves finding my hands and helping them through the holes, what made me want to punch him but I did not, knowing he would call my parents if I tried anything like that, and then he zipped a zip up at my back, and I knew I would not be able to take this off on my own now, with it being designed for that, so little kids can’t get dirty whatever happens.
It seemed like I was the last one, because once he finished with me he said “ok is everyone's ready for some laser fun?” hearing all the kids yell “YEEEES!” he smiled and I groaned, knowing I am going to be stuck with this lot for the next 1h and a half, and he shouted “then follow me” with him grabbing my shoulder and guided me in the black square building, and I stood there with a kid next to me I did not know as any of my friends little brothers, what would be the only kids I might know here, and listened to the guy tell everyone the rules, and then put us into teams by going around saying “red, yellow, red, yellow” putting his hand on a head when saying one of the colours.
I got yellow team and headed to the yellow gun rack, trying to think of any way out of this and feeling a wave of annoyance pulsing over me, not being able to think of anything! once I got the gun rack, it looked like Timmy was there, my friend's little brother and whose birthday this is today and more importantly new I was actually 15 and not meant to be here but with his older brother playing paintball.
I quickly ran up to him, “Ohh Timmy, thank god, why did I not think of asking you before, can you tell that guy in charge that I am not meant to be here and I'm really part of your brothers party?” Timmy smiled at me seeing what has happened, looking at me inside the same getup and I saw a cheeky smile and he said “Luke, why did you try and sneak into my brother's party? We need you with us!”.
I had no idea why he was saying this but Timmy was always up to something, and seeing he was not looking at me, and at someone behind me, I looked to see who he was staring at, and the fucking guy was right behind me, seeing a smile on his face what made me feel terrible knowing I am never going to get out of this now, and the guy said” well guys your friend here, he is a sneaky one isn't he, I nearly believed he was in your brother's group, you lot better keep an eye on him” and then he ruffled my hair and walked away, Timmy and his friends smiled saying “will do sir” and then laughed at me.
I could not believe they just did that feeling shock go throw me and said “why..why did you do that?” hearing a little bit of anger in my voice, Tim just looked at me and said “well for one, pay back for all the times you and my brother teased me, and two it is really funny seeing you dressed up like us, and three you and James have played here tonnes of times and can help are team win!” hearing the two boys next to him agree with that.
I was not happy at all, and it seemed Tim could see it and said after a second “Fine, if you help us win every game this morning, then I will tell the guy, but you might as well try to have fun with us, it would be cool if you helped us win?”
I did play, and I surprisingly had a little fun, it was quite refreshen playing with people around my size for once with all of my friends being at least a head taller than me and being able to run circles around me in anything physical well nearly anything, plus the two games I played I got “player of the match” what was kind of cool, but still I was desperate to go back to my friends and away from all these stupid little kids.
Once we got out of the black building and I saw my friends where already having lunch on benches outside the paintball arena on the other side of the social area, I looked at Tim and saw he was talking to his friends and most likely forgot to tell anyone about me, and I knew it would be more effort to make him do so, than fix this myself.
So, I needed to get to my brother and get him to tell this stupid guy I am not an 9 year old and waited an till the guy went over to a kid and was not looking, and I quickly sneaked out of the laser tag area and creeped up to where my friends were, trying to find my brother, and not wanting my friends to see me like this, in the same overalls as the kids playing Laser tag are in. So I hid near the toilets, having to avoid all the wet mud around them, and looking from one group to the other sitting and standing around the paintball area, an till I spotted him.
He was with a group of my friends, talking to Sam, James and some others, seeing they were all laughing and listening to what my brother is saying, what was kind of a shock, with my brother normally being amazingly quiet and un-connected from us, when he would have to come with me to meet up with them, but now he was standing in a little group with them listening and talking to them like it was normal? And it seems they did not even seem like they cared I disappeared?
I did not understand, they were my friends and Jason has never had any sort of long conversation with them, what the hell is going on?
Eventually and Luckly after waiting for 10 minutes, Jason my brother decided he needed the toilet and started to walk towards me, with me just poking outside the toilets hiding behind a corner, once Jason was close enough, I called his name in a whisper what I had to do 3 times before he heard me.
He saw me and came over to me seeing I was trying to hide and came around the corner, and said “what are you wearing? and where have you been?” he said in a very relieved and happy voice, I did not feel happy at all now, seeing how happy he is and having watched him be chummy with my friends while I waited near the toilets and how I have been treated like a little kid for half the day, and now hearing how happy he is, feeling this was mostly his fault, and I said “where did you go!, I went to talk to the guy for you remember? and when I tried to point you out, you were gone!”
he just frowned at me now and said “yeah, why did you never come back, if it was not for Sam and James, I would have freaked out, but they managed to talk me out of the panic attack I was having, and I did wait for you inside the paintball tent as long as I could? but Sam said you could handle yourself and told me to go with him,” I took a deep breath trying to calm down, and thinking it is not his fault, he didn't know any better! So I said in a stressed out and annoyed voice “well, I got mistook for one of Tims friends because of my stupid size, kid clothes, my young looks and sounding voice, and had to play stupid laser tag with them! And then I had to wait here for you!”
Jasen looked down, seeing how I was annoyed and said “well that really sucks, but I had an amazing time!” with his voice getting louder and louder and sounding more happier saying “well, you know I was freaking out about playing paintball, and Sam came along and started to talk to me and calmed me down, he stayed with me after that, and once we got into the paintball area and met James we started to play and stayed as a group, where we wrecked the other team and it turns out your friends are really cool and actually like me and are really fun, and they even invited me to the get together at James's tomorrow.”
“What there is no get together tomorrow?” I said shocked, and that must mean they did not invite me! And it seems like it only takes one morning with my brother alone, and he is better friends with them than me?, and I could not believe it and just said “well that is just great Jason, you are better friends with them than I am, and it only took you two hours,” sounding pissed off but not wanting to make a scene so I carried on saying “whatever, just come with me so I can prove I am not meant to be in the stupid Laser tag group, ok!”
I turned around seeing all the loose wet mud around me with the toilet area being busy, plus it had rained for two days straight and Luckly stopped today, and I started to walk back to the laser tag area, hearing Jason say “sorry, I did not mean to..” with him putting his hand on my shoulder what unbalanced me and found my left foot slip from underneath me and found myself falling face first in to the mud.” with my face and body landing straight in to it, feeling the dampness soaking in to everything from these stupid overalls to the shorts and shirt I had on underneath, and then there was my face, feeling mud going in to my mouth, spiting it out straight away not being able to close it in time, and feeling it also go up my nose and into my eyes, bring in my hands up to my face, trying to get all the mud out of everything.
I lied there for a second, and I could not believe this, I had it, I've actually fucking had it, and got up as fast as I could, and looked at my brother in the face, fed up with all of this, with him looking shocked/terrified at me and saying very quietly “s..sorry/”
I have had enough of this today, everything feeling wet, and could not hold myself back anything anymore, and shouted “Fuck you Jason! This is all your fault for being scared and begging me to go and talk to the bloody stupid person in charge of Laser bloody tag, and of course you are not scared anymore, look at you are not even muddy! you have had a whale of a fucking time haven't you, stealing my friends, playing paintball only being invited because you are my brother, and I have been stuck with these stupid little kids playing fucking laser tag for Christ sake, all I wanted was to play paintball with my friends, and I am just fed up with you, I am always treated like your little brother!, always having to have your fucking hand me downs and always treated like a little kid, when you...you get treated like an adult, never having to wear clothes what are meant for kids 6 years younger than you and be treated as such, AAAAAAAAA.”
By the time I was done screaming the bloody laser tag guy has come over looking at me, mostly seeing the tears starting to come out of my eyes, I could not stop them, the build up to this has been months of frustration, and annoyances, of how I am always, always mistook for a kid and how I am always treated differently because of it, and now soaked with mud with the guy looking down at me and said, “are you alright kid?”
I just screamed not being able to handle this anymore and shouted “I am not a fucking kid! for the last time I am meant to be playing fucking paintball!” but the guy just looked at my brother and said “not this again, what happened?, and your little bro, is going to need some new clothes”
I was about to scream again but Jason said “he..he is meant to be playing Paintball... Sir, and he is my older brother, Sir.” with it coming out in a choky whisper, I looked up at him and saw him trying to stop himself from crying, feeling my hart get tight seeing how up set he looked, thinking of what I just said to him, and knowing I have never yelled at him like that in my life, I quickly looked around seeing everyone is now looking at us and most likely herd what I said.
The guy just looked at me and back to my brother then down at me again, and said “sorry, I just don’t believe you; I know you want to stay with your brother but you are too young to play paintball!” but then Sam came from out of nowhere, not looking very happy, not knowing if it was something I said in my fit of rage?, but I was feeling worse and more worse seeing how up set my brother was getting seeing tears now coming down his face, and I felt more shit knowing it is my doing, and not knowing how to fix it right this second, all I wanted was to disappear right now feeling more tears coming out of my eyes, knowing everyone is seeing me crying, covered in mud.
Then Sam said ” yes Luke is meant to be with us!, and he is Jasons older brother!” the guy looked at Sam suspiciously and Sam continued “Christ, he is our class mate, and you can ask anybody” with Sam pointing at all of my friends/classmates who all nodded.
I was in a little shock now, if this guy does not believe I am not a kid, and really a 15 year old teenager now, then I don't know what I am going to do, but looking up at the guys face, seeing Sam as finely convinced him, and I felt a jolt of pressure release from my stomach what I did not know I had there , with him letting out a sigh and said to me “oh god, I am so sorry, it is just you look so young and when you said he is your younger brother I could not believe it,” with him looking at my clothes now and probably seeing all the mud on them and my face, and said in a more friendlier voice for once actually sounding like he is talking to an equal person and not trying to control a group of kids, he sighed again and said “well it looks like you are going to need to clean up and get in to some new clothes, and I will reimburse you for today, now come with me, il show you can get all cleaned up, and I think there might be some clothes in the storage area what might fit you?” with him walking off without looking back.
I looked at my brother seeing that he is now crying openly, and I started to feel bad, I wanted to help him but how? I am soaked and I still feel like I am in shock, and felt like I just wanted to get out of here and for everyone to stop looking at me, so I followed the guy seeing him walking off towards the storage area feeling horrible leaving my brother there crying.
The storage building is near the shop, seeing it while following the guy over to it, he entered a door on the side of the building, I stopped before going through the door after him, I took one last glance back at my brother , knowing if I see him still just standing there on his own crying, I am not going to be able to stop myself from running back and hugging him and saying how sorry I am, but when I looked back, I saw Sam with his arm rapped around my brother comforting him, saying something into his ear, what made me smile knowing even if Sam does not like me anymore, he is still looking out for my brother.
Once I went inside and got this overall off with the help of the guy having to pall the zip down for me, and well it seemed the overall was not much of a help, my shirt was soaked through and my shorts are soaked as well, I looked in to the mirror and saw that my face covered in mud and had dry blood all over my lip what must of come out of my nose feeling like I hit it at the time, and must of felt too shocked and felt too much anger at the time to feel any of it, what I am starting to really regret letting it all out at my brother, knowing none of this was his fault.
Looking back at the mirror and now looking at how my hair is everywhere with clumps of mud stuck inside it, and then I look down at my body and lifted up my mud soaked shirt and saw there was even mud on my chest and stomach, and it was also all over my legs and arms.
The guy led me to a shower at the back, and made me stand inside it with my clothes on and told me to try and get most of the mud off, what I followed without questioning him, just wanting to get home and away from everything.
After 10 minutes I got most of the mud off me and got out and stood there dripping wet an till the guy came back looking embarrassed and said “here you go” giving me a towel and then said “well I know this is going to come off bad but, this is the only things I could find close to your size, and he showed me a private school shirt, shorts and even a dark green blazer all made for an elementary private school boy, I just sighed and thought this is what I deserve for how I treated Jason and said “that’s fine, I don’t mind” he looked at me and said “good, I thought you were going to break down again, and this is the only thing we got anywhere close to your size, allowing this school to store these uniforms here, with them being just up the road and all,” showing the crest on the blazer, and then he just smiled and walked out the room, leaving the clothes on a chair, I just stood there feeling really bad now for what I said to Jason, now remembering what I said to him in my rage and knowing I have never yelled at him like that before, nowhere close to that.
and stayed there feeling sorry for him, for around 10 minutes and I knew I had to get changed, I was getting colder and colder, so I took off my soaked shirt and shorts and shoes and socks, looking in the mirror seeing my small body in white undies with even them having mud on them, and looking at myself, seeing a little hairless young looking body.
Knowing I can't blame people if they think I am just some little kid and not a 15 year old teenager, I sighed and then grabbed the shorts and pulled them on feeling the fin and rough material against my thighs, with them fitting perfectly, and then I put on the shirt realizing that it is very thin, while doing up the buttons with it fitting perfectly as well, and I was not going to put on the blazer, but it was freezing now, realizing just how thin this shirt really is, and could not help myself, having to put it on, what did not help a lot keeping the cold off me, but it was better than nothing.
I looked in to the mirror and saw what I did not want to see, a cute little 9 year old private school boy looking back at me, but I deserve this, and the guy said that this is the only thing what will fit me, so I sighed, and just walked outside seeing there was no one out in the social area assept the guy, and all he said was “you can wait on the bench, your brother has gone back in to finish playing Paintball, even though we know he is too young to really be in there, but well, we will let it slide this time, ok?” all I said was “thanks” quietly, and went over to the bench and sat down putting my head in my hands, thinking what the hell am I going to say to Jason when he comes out?
Of course I am going to apologise straight away, he did nothing wrong, he is my younger brother and is meant to make mistakes, and I am meant to be there to help him when he does as his big brother, and not yell at him and make him cry, and he didn't even really make a mistake, I'm just made him think he has, and just fuck me AAA, and then there were my friends, they must of herd what I yelled at him, how I think he stole them from me, God I screwed up, and I am such an idiot...
Then I saw people who are already coming out of the play area, have I been sitting here for 30 minutes? it does not feel like it, I started to feel really nervous not knowing how people are going to react, the first people just stared at me, and just walked around me talking to each other.
After 10 or so people came out some of them I knew but did not come up to me or say anything to me, and just walked around the bench I was sitting on, what made me feel like a little kid sitting in the way of all the big kids.
And I most likely look like that as well wearing this stupid school uniform, and this just made me feel more nervous, then my brother came out, with Sam on one side of him and James on the other, they talked for like 5 seconds at the exit of the paintball area, and kept on looking over at me what made me feel so self conscious, I just wanted to hide somewhere, knowing they are probably saying bad things about me, and then Sam and James walked off toward the exit, and then I saw Jason my little brother walking up to me and looking more and more miserable the closer he got to me.
I decided to say something, straight away “i am so sorry Jason, I did not mean anything what I said, and I feel so bad, about it all...” he put a hand on my shoulder, what stopped me talking, and he opened his mouth but left it open like he was trying to think of something to say, but nothing came out and he closed it, and opened it quickly again one second later and said “Luke can... can we just go home” in a shaky quiet voice.
I wanted to carry on and try and fix this now, but people were watching us now, and even Sam and James was watching, but when I looked at them, they walked off, out of site and so I just said “sure”, with him starting to walk to the exit, what made me have to quickly jump off the bench and catch up with him.
After 10 minutes of silents and looking up at Jason, seeing him look sadder than before we left, what I thought was impossible, never seeing him this sad in my life, and I needed to try and apologize again, and said “Jason.. I mean it I am truly sorry, it was a shit day for me and I did not have any right talking to you like I did, I hate how I have hurt you and just want to make things better, you know I did not mean anything I said right?”
Jason looked at me and was about to say something hopefully him saying that he knows I did not mean anything I said, but just when he was about to say something, a kid in a school uniform was in front of me and said “hay, are you in the same summer school as me?” what, who is this kid? but looking at him and realizing I am wearing the same uniform as him right now, so I just said “ god no, and go away!” the kid just looked offended and ran off, when I looked back at Jason again, he just looked as upset as before and looking at his shoes while we carried on walking.
Once we got home are mom was there and seeing me in the school uniform, she asked why I was wearing it and how cute I look in it, I was use to this by now, mom and dad treated me like the kid I looked like a lot of the time, But she knew I was really 15, and gave me a lot of the freedoms what most 15 year olds have most of the time, but she just liked cuddling me and making fun of me, and sometime treated me like a kid when we were out, like right now she is hugging me amazingly tightly, and I was trying to break free from it wiggling my body to try and get some space to break out of her grasp, an till she let go.
Anyway when she asked again about the uniform I am wearing, I just said “ I ruined my clothes playing paintball, and they let me have these” not wanting mom or dad to get involved with what happened and not wanting Jason to have to deal with mom and dad telling him he to act more grown up, with mom and dad treating him like the 14/15 year old he looks like, and me, him or someone else normally have to remind them that he is only 11.
Once I told her that, I looked a Jason and he looked like he was going to cry and quickly said “I,,,I need to go and finish my homework” as he ran upstairs.
I thought lying to mom would help, maybe some time on his own might fix this, but I don’t know, I don’t know what to do now? I thought lying to mom would help him not feel so bad, but it seemed to upset him even more, and all I wanted to do right now is to run after him and have him yell at me, if that will fix this please just let it happen!, but I am in moms grip again and she wanted to take some photos of me in this uniform before I disappear upstairs and I did not want any photos of me in this stupid uniform, but I also did not want her to think of what state Jason was in, so to put any suspicion away from him, I just put on a brave face and said “sure mom!
After ten minutes of her making me do stupid poses, what I tried to not complain too much about, and what I know I will regret and I know I would have not done in normal certain stances, but this was for my brother, and this is what I feel I deserve, for what I said to him, it will be a reminder that sure, I am small and look like a young kid, what is really shit, but I can’t blame anyone for it, especially my little brother.
Once she was done and I was allowed to leave, I ran upstairs and straight in to my brother's room, seeing him sitting on the floor, leaning on the side of his bed, facing his TV what is off.
looking so down and sad that it hurt me knowing I did this to him and said” please speak to me.... how can I fix this?” walking up to him, and looking down at him for once, and then just slumped on to the floor beside him knocking the top of my head on his shoulder, to try and get any response from him.
He just looked down at me, seeing tears in his eyes and he said “I'm...I'm sorry, I did not mean for any of this to happen, I did not mean for you to get put into laser tag and..and I do not mean to make people always think you’re a kid, and made your friends not invite you to their gathering, and I really, really, really did not mean to push you in to that dirt and hurt you!”
With him fully crying, saying that last bit, I just stood there not believing this, feeling a lump in my throat I thought he was upset for what I did/shouted at him, but he felt gilt for what he thought he did to me, I just looked sad at him and said “Jason, I don’t blame you for any of that ok! I still love you has my brother, and I am not going to stop just because you accidentally got me muddy ok? and if my friends decided to not invite me to some get together, that is there's and my problem and has nothing to do with you, I have just had a bad day today, ok? ,so no feeling sorry for yourself, and beside I kind of deserve being treated like a kid right now, wearing this stupid outfit?” and giggled a bit, looking at it thinking why am I still wearing it?
It seemed to be working, looking at Jasen seeing him smile and he said “yeah it does kind of looks silly on you... but are you sure you are fine with what I did to you, because you have never ever yelled at me like that before?”
Christ or mighty, how can I show that I am the one who did wrong for yelling at him and saying all of them idiotic things to him, then I thought of something and said “yes Jason, and I want you to tell me that you know I did not mean anything I said to you when I yelled at you, I was talking out of my ass, ok?” Jason just laughed at that and said “ok, I'm glad you do not hate me,” I got up and started to walk towards him knowing something I can do, to make him know I have no bad feelings towards him, saying “I am too,” and walked up to him and started to sit down on his lap, he just said “wh..what are you doing?” and I just smiled, and said “will if you are going to be the tall brother, so I am going to use my big brother powers to make you let me sit on your lap with there being no seats in your room!”
He looked shocked for a second but smiled and giggled, and I am glad this plan worked, knowing how he would feel happy, feeling like he was helping me out and using his big body to do it, and I have not sat on some ones lap for years, with even my mom and dad thinking it is going a little bit too far when they want to try and embarrass me, and I would definitely not let them treat me like such, but this was actually quite comfy, it was warm and I fitted on his lap nicely with the top of my head only reaching his neck, and with my legs spread out on the floor in front of us, I looked up and saw he was smiling and I said “anyway, how was the last paintball match?, “he looked down at me still smiling most likely seeing how comfy I was on his lap, and said “Well.... I did not really do anything, except sat behind a wall and thought about the... accident, and Sam and James stayed with me and kept on talking about you, what just made me feel worse.”
I sighed, knowing I have lost my two best friends and said “well it is not your fault that they don’t want to be friends with me anymore,” Jason looked at me in a confused way, and said “why, they don’t hate you? they could not keep talking about how concerned they were for you, seeing you covered in mud and crying and the blood?”
I did not believe it and said “then why did no one talk to me at the end, and I saw you, Sam and James all talking and looking at me?” he just smiled again and said “ohh, well, seeing you wearing that uniform was kind of weird and, I think a lot of people seem to feel sorry for you, and did not want to give you any pity, and Sam and James wanted to come back with us but, I thought you might feel like they were just pitying you, so I told them it would be best to give you some time and space before talking to you, and surprisingly they listened to me”.
It feels a little annoying that my entire class most likely feels sorry for me now, but at least Sam and James my two best friends, are still friends with me!
and I just said “oh, ok” and realizing I am still wearing this stupid school uniform feeling the blazer rubbing against the skin on my neck, while trying to get in to a more relaxed position, snuggling more into my brother's body, and pulled the blazer off throwing it out the door.
Once I got in to a nice comfy position I felt my phone buzz in these little shorts pocket, I looked to see it was, mine, Sam’s and James's group chat and Sam has sent a message:
Sam: “Hay @Luke, It looked like you had a shit day, and we all heard what you said to your brother, but everyone knows you did not mean any of it, I for one can’t imagine having to go through that and stay sane, especially having to deal with James’s brother! and we are sorry if you thought you weren't invited to James’s house tomorrow, Jason told us that you thought we did not invite you, but we mostly planned it before we went out on the paintball field, and we could not find you, not knowing you were trapped in the laser tag area, and well I just feel bad not being able to help you, but man I hope you are better now, and I know you would have already apologised to your brother, like the good person you are, and I hope to see you both tomorrow at James’s, ok?”
James: yeah, I want to say everything what Sam just said, and I don’t know how you delt with my brother, hearing he made things worse for you, and I want you to know I gave him a reason not to do anything like that again, and I hope to see you and your brother tomorrow 😊
I could not believe how nice and how much my friends know me, and sent:
Luke: thanks guys, I really mean it, like you said it was a shit day for me, and I hope I did not ruin you B Day too badly James, and yeah, I am feeling much better, and I managed to sort things out with Jason, so we will see you both tomorrow.
And I put my phone down happily, looking up at Jason seeing he is now playing on his ps5, seeing his hands are resting around me with the controller in the middle of us both, hoping this is not going to give him any ideas in the future, knowing that me sitting on his lap is a one time thing! even though it is pretty comfy.
I said looking up at him “it seemed like they meant to invite me as well tomorrow, so we both can go now”, he looked down at me and said “I don’t have to come if you don’t want me to?” I looked annoyed at him and said “man, I'm afraid if you like it or not, you are now part of our group and I would be upset if you did not come, and I am pretty shore Sam and James would also be upset if you did not show?” he smiled and said with a excited face, “really! that is great, becoming friends with them was the best thing that happened today! I felt I was not too tall and did not look to old, they just treated me... like well me.”
WHAT! Jason feels like he is too tall and looks to old, God, that is going to have to be another day's discussion, I'm too tired, so I just grabbed the other controller, what was right beside Jasons leg and said “let me join, and I will show you how to beat this level little bro” seeing him getting annoyed with him dyeing in the game, and he just said “sure!” happily, With him letting me join into the game.