Chapter Text
Quiet pops of cracking glass filled the late November night. The Doctor limped through the broken automatic doors of the Five Rivers shopping centre, dragging his left foot through the debris that had built up over years of the building’s abandonment. He winced in pain with every slow step. Getting in between a Slitheen and its prey always came with a variety of risks. However, it had been a while since he’d interacted with them and he’d forgotten how sharp their claws could be. And how long their arms were. He held his abdomen tightly; his waistcoat was now soaked in his own blood.
It was in moments like these, just before a regeneration, when he always pitied humans. Their bodies were so fragile. A cut a few millimetres too deep would leave a scar that would stay with them for a lifetime. Admittedly, it would be a short lifetime, but nevertheless, it would serve as an inescapable reminder of the pain of living. He always struggled to wrap his head around how their bodies healed so slowly. Their injuries were so permanent. Their death was so final.
The Doctor could already feel the changes taking place at a cellular level. Every inch of his body screamed with the familiar burn of rebirth. Soon he would have to say goodbye to this body like he’d had to say goodbye to all the ones that came before him. He wondered at what point he would start forgetting versions of himself. This body had served him well and for so long, but a new one would be a welcome change. A new perspective on the universe was rarely a bad thing. Hopefully, he’d become someone with a little more empathy; that was something Bill had criticised him on.
The TARDIS stood out of place on the ground floor of the atrium. Bathed in moonlight from the glass ceiling above, it filled the Doctor with a sense of hope. Upon reaching it, his legs gave way and he collapsed against the wood. “Always there when I need you the most,” he chuckled as he gently lowered himself to the floor. Slumped against the door, the Doctor looked at his hands to see a faint yellow glow already emanating from under his bloodstained skin. With a sigh, he gently slapped the TARDIS. “Look after the next one, won’t you? This regeneration feels big. Better not end up with a second head; I don’t think I could cope with two of me at once.” He paused for a moment. “Ha. I’m sure I’ve made that joke before.”
A tortured groan escaped the Doctor’s lips as a surge of energy coursed through his veins. The end was close. He had only two, maybe three, minutes before his body was torn apart and put back together like a god was using him as some sort of celestial jigsaw puzzle. “Regenerations alone are always the worst,” he mused. “No frame of reference or consistency from one me to the next. Nobody there to keep me grounded as I try and work out who I was and who I’m meant to become. Instead, there’s just the fear of losing myself completely. What happens if I become someone who’s no longer me? Who puts me back on the right path?” He closed his eyes as the pull of the oncoming regeneration threatened to drag him into unconsciousness.
Memories of past selves and past friends swam in his mind. His heart ached for Bill. She hadn’t been gone for long, but he missed her by his side. And Amy, the girl who waited. If he’d left her alone she’d still be waiting now, safe and happy, living a normal, ordinary, boring life. And Rose! Oh, how could he forget Rose? He would be forever grateful for her friendship. He dreaded to think of the dark paths he would’ve gone down if she hadn’t shown him the light. The universe was an infinitely better place because of her. He hoped she was happy out there in Pete’s world with his Meta-Crisis self.
The sound of a voice and the flash of a torch snapped the Doctor back into focus. Fear washed over him.
“Hello? It’s the police. Is anyone there?” called out a young woman from the broken glass doors the Doctor had recently made his way through. “We’ve had reports of someone messing around in here. It’s not safe, alright?” The woman shone her torch over to the TARDIS and then spotted the Doctor sitting crumpled on the floor. “Shit!” she exclaimed under her breath as she ran over to him.
“My name’s Yaz. Can you tell me yours, Sir?”
“The Doctor,” he said through gritted teeth. The wound in his stomach, and the effort it was now taking to control his regeneration energy, left him in agony.
Yaz looked down and noticed his blood-soaked hands. “We’ll get you to a doctor, don’t worry. You’ll be okay. What’s your name, Sir?”
The Doctor choked back a scream. “You— need to— leave.”
“Not without getting you somewhere safe,” Yaz said with a reassuring smile. “This whole place could collapse at any minute.” She reached for her walky-talky. “I’m going to need some backup. I’m on the ground floor of Five Rivers. In the atrium. There’s a man with a possible stab wound. He’s already lost a lot of blood and is quite confused.”
With a loud groan, the Doctor pushed himself to sit more upright at the same time as backing away from Yaz. “Please! I am begging you… leave- now.” Another surge of regeneration energy pulsed through his body. He had seconds before it would spill out of him. “Please. I’m so— sorry.”
“It’s okay. People are on their way to help you. And I’ll be here until they arrive,” replied Yaz, reaching out a hand to reassure him.
The instant her hand made contact with his shoulder, regeneration energy spilled out of the Doctor like static. He couldn’t hold on any longer. Pain ripped through his body. For a moment, Yaz and the Doctor became one. Looking into her eyes, he felt her overcome with fear. He felt her mind shatter as his regeneration consumed her. He felt her life burn away as her body went limp and she collapsed on the floor.
The Doctor screamed, overcome with pain, grief and guilt. Power radiated from him with greater force than he had ever experienced before. Glass shopfronts shattered around him. Pillars crumbled. Rubble rained down from the floors above, disintegrating as it made contact with the TARDIS’s shields which had activated in response to signs of potential danger.
A few moments later, the regeneration was over. Without hesitation, the Doctor scrambled to her knees and reached for Yaz’s lifeless body. The Doctor’s pained wail filled the collapsing atrium. She had died many times before but had never experienced true death before. The emptiness the Doctor felt in the half-second after Yaz died, when they were still connected, would haunt her forever. Tears streamed from her eyes as she placed her hand on Yaz’s cheek. “I’m so sorry, Yaz. This wasn’t meant to happen. I didn’t want to hurt you.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, now cleared of blood. “I’ll put this right, Yaz. Don’t worry. I’m the Doctor. I always, always, put things right,” she said, more as reassurance to herself than anything else.
The Doctor got to her feet and composed herself. There was no time for tears anymore. Her mind had to be sharp and focused. If she was going to save Yaz she had to break all her rules and rewrite her past. This was unknown territory. The repercussions could be massive, but who would stop her? She swung open the TARDIS doors with purpose and rushed in.
The control room had already changed. The elevated walkway that had previously circled the main control panel no longer existed. The bookshelves that used to be built into the walls were also missing; it would take years for her to relocate all of those books in the ever-changing labyrinth of the TARDIS’s back rooms. Instead, she was greeted with what looked like some upturned crystalline spider. Seven glowing rocks protruded from the TARDIS’ floor and pulsated gently. The room was bathed in a soft yellow light making the space feel small, yet somehow infinite. A small wave of excitement rushed over the Doctor at the thought of many adventures she would have with this new, otherworldly TARDIS.
The control panels had changed as well, but the new ones were intuitive enough. With the twist of a dial, a few pulls of different levers, and the turn of an hourglass, the short hop back in time to intercept Yaz would be a piece of cake. Saving her life would be the hard part. The Doctor took a long breath as the TARDIS whirred into action. It was time to change her history.