Work Text:
Something that only Minghao’s friends knew about him was that the first fifteen years of his life had been pretty shit.
As a kid, Minghao had largely been ignored by his parents. All they would do is make sure he left home at the right time to get to school when he was six and leave some leftovers for him to stick in the microwave when he got back.
It was when he turned ten that things got bad.
It came on slowly at first, just small remarks and little hits when he did something wrong, but it very quickly escalated once he turned eleven.
Soon enough his father was beating him up for small mistakes, threatening him for doing things wrong, and even once throwing him down the stairs.
Eventually, Minghao decided that he’d had enough. He packed his bag one day, and left the house, limping down the streets at God knows what time of night, holding his right elbow in his left hand with tears flowing down his cheeks.
It didn’t take long for the police to pick him up, accusing him of suspicious behaviour.
Once the police saw all the injuries on his body and the way he limped instead of walking normally, an investigation was started on his parents, and Minghao was taken to a nearby hospital for psychiatric and physical examinations. Both of Minghao’s parents were arrested, and Minghao was moved to a foster home, where he met Junhui.
Minghao spent the first few days locked in the small bedroom he had been given, refusing to leave for anything, even food, water, and any sort of painkillers for his dislocated wrist. After a few days, Junhui was sent to help him.
Instead of forcing Minghao to come out, Junhui simply sat and spoke to him, telling Minghao his own story in the hopes that Minghao would bond with him and he could persuade the panicked Chinese boy to come downstairs to eat.
No matter what Junhui said, Minghao still refused, and that night Junhui became the first person to witness one of Minghao’s panic attacks. It had been terrifying for Minghao, and tough for Junhui, not quite sure what the younger would do.
He had been screaming and crying, clawing at his wrists and struggling to breathe. Junhui quickly darted off and grabbed some ice from the freezer, pressing it against Minghao’s wrist until he calmed down.
Minghao felt a lot worse after the attack, curled up against Junhui in his bed, an ice cube pressed to the back of his neck and his leg aching horribly where it had been broken all those years ago. In the end, their foster mom brought up some food for the two of them, her best attempt at some Chinese food in the hopes that it would make Minghao feel better, which it had to some extent.
After two more years of living in the same foster home with Junhui, they had become very good at dealing with Minghao’s attacks.
Junhui knew that he needed a small bowl of ice, a heat pack for Minghao’s leg, preferably some headphones for when things just got too overwhelming, and Minghao’s weighted blanket.
Minghao started learning what the symptoms of one of his attacks felt like before they really got bad, so he could let Junhui know and they could prepare, Minghao curled up in bed whilst Junhui grabbed everything they would need and let Eunhwa know that they would be locked in their room for a big.
For the most part, Minghao had been getting much better, settling down in a small Korean school with Junhui, and joining Junhui’s small group of friends. They were all great at protecting him. A few students from the school knew exactly what had happened to him, and all the others had certainly noticed the way Minghao sometimes dragged his leg around and struggled to walk, or the way Minghao would suddenly dart out of a classroom. People always saw the bandages around his wrists, which was inevitable with their stupid school uniform that required everyone to roll their sleeves to their elbows.
Everybody knew something was up, but only a few had the details.
After two years of suffering through his attacks, Eunhwa finally decided that it would be better to get Minghao a diagnosis and some medication so he wouldn’t struggle to get them when he was an adult.
Their system wasn’t a fan of orphans. It was almost as if it was out to get the underprivileged. Minghao and Junhui were lucky to be in a small foster home with only five or six other children at a time rather than an orphanage of 30+. They were also lucky to be the only two that Eunhwa was the permanent foster mother of. Everyone else would come and go over months, but Minghao and Junhui stayed where they were.
Minghao was crying when he left the psychiatrist's office, having gone over pretty much his entire life story with the psychiatrist to get to the bottom of what the doctor had called his ‘panic disorder’. It was nice to put a name to it instead of just assuming. He preferred knowing something was wrong with him and that it could be treated rather than just thinking he was out of his mind.
The psychiatrist had written him a prescription for clonazepam based on just how severe his anxiety was, and gone over some measures he could take during attacks to help him calm down, most of which Minghao and Junhui were already using.
Minghao had also been given a little book and a set of pens and had been told to simply draw how he felt before attacks when his mind was getting foggy. He was told it would help him understand his attacks better if he could visualise his mind after.
Minghao noticed a quick change in his attacks after his appointment.
After a few weeks on his new medication, he did notice his attacks getting less frequent, from a few times a week to once a week. He also found that scribbling in the notebook really did help. Most of the drawings just ended up as scribbles of colours, but Minghao quite liked them and even put a few up on his wall.
Junhui loved that Minghao was recovering better, making sure Minghao knew he was proud by showering him with praise every time he took his medication and at the end of the few attacks he did have.
Minghao was proud of himself too, he knew how far he had come since being the scared little kid who had first been brought to the foster home with his leg in a brace and his arm in a sling.
Unfortunately, the medication wasn’t a miracle fix and things still happened.
Minghao and Junhui had only just gotten back from school when Minghao felt another panic attack creeping up on him.
Instead of following Junhui to the kitchen to help the other kids set up the table, Minghao dragged Minghao up the stairs and to their bedroom.
Junhui soon caught onto what was going on and got Minghao tucked into bed, grabbing his headphones and notebook before fetching some ice from the kitchen.
Minghao had the headphones pressed over his ears, curled up in his bed with his hands over his eyes. The notebook and pens had been abandoned on the floor and Minghao just looked so pale and scared.
Junhui sat down on his own bed, watching carefully as Minghao tried to take deep and even breaths to keep himself calm. Usually, Minghao only wanted Junhui’s help when the attack really took hold and he didn’t have much control, so Junhui waited.
It didn’t take long, Minghao’s breaths soon sped up and became louder and louder until he was hyperventilating and starting to tremble.
Junhui moved across the room to sit on the edge of Minghao’s bed, pulling his small figure closer until he was half lying in Junhui’s lap.
The worst part for Junhui was that he didn’t know how Minghao was feeling during the attacks, when all he would do was hyperventilate, unable to talk.
Junhui held Minghao close the whole time, listening to Minghao’s breathing as he cried and trembled, struggling to breathe as if he was being choked by some invisible force wrapping its hands around his neck and pressing and pressing. At one point, Minghao started looking on the verge of passing out, something that only happened during the worst of his attacks. Junhui pulled him closer, pressed an ice cube to his wrist and started talking quietly, reminding him that he was there and that he was going to be okay.
It took almost twenty minutes for it to pass, when Minghao finally started to calm down, his breathing returning to a much normal pace and his heart rate slowing. He was sweating despite the fact that he was still shivering, so Junhui gently wrapped him in a blanket and held him closer.
“I’ve got you. I’m right here.” Junhui whispered, pulling Minghao into his lap some more so his head was resting against Junhui’s chest.
Minghao was pressing his hand against his chest, obviously still in some discomfort. Junhui put the ice cube he was holding back into the glass of water he’d brought up, lifting the glass to Minghao’s lips when he saw Minghao swallowing more, obviously trying to rehydrate his throat.
“Are you back, Hao?” Junhui asked, voice loud and clear. “Are you back with me?”
Minghao nodded as Junhui put the glass down, snuggling closer to Junhui. “Hungry,” Minghao said, voice soft and still a little anxious.
Junhui smiled softly. “Okay. I’ll ask Eunhwa to bring something up. It’s takeaway night and I think the kids wanted pizza. Eunhwa got us pepperoni because she knew you like it.”
Minghao nodded again, sitting up a little more to let Junhui grab them their pizza.
Once he could slip out for under Minghao, Junhui headed downstairs and grabbed the pepperoni pizza.
“Sorry, Eunhwa. I know it’s pizza night and we’re meant to eat in the lounge with you but Minghao just had an attack and I don’t think he’s really up to coming down just yet.”
Eunhwa just smiled softly at Junhui, giving his a thumbs up. “That’s fine, just let me know how he’s feeling in the morning. Don’t bother coming down early, it’s Saturday tomorrow.”
Junhui smiled and nodded. “Thank you so much.”
He gave Eunhwa a quick hug and waved goodbye to the three little kids scattered around the lounge.
None of them was older than ten, but they had all been at the house for over two weeks and had settled in well, none of them coming from anywhere near as bad as Junhui or Minghao had. Junhui liked it when kids came in from less traumatic circumstances. It meant that CPS had done its job and saved more kids from some serious trauma, unlike Junhui and Minghao.
Once Junhui had the pizza and had grabbed two plates and cans of coke, he headed upstairs to where Minghao seemed to have fallen fast asleep in bed, cuddled under his little pile of blankets.
Junhui smiled and shook him awake, Minghao perking up when he smelled the pizza. He sat up and took the plate and can of coke, setting the can on his nightstand and grabbing a few slices of the pizza, grateful taking a big bite and chewing slowly, savouring the taste.
They had a special rule in their house that Friday night was international takeout night. Every week, a different person would get to choose what they had.
Junhui and Minghao usually picked Chinese takeout, but sometimes Minghao changed his mind and wanted a pizza and some dough balls. Little Channie liked to have his fish and chips, Seungkwan always changed his mind, sometimes it would be Chinese, sometimes Japanese or even Thai. He liked experimenting and trying new foods. Vernon always chose pizza, as he had lived in America a few years back.
For some odd reason, Minghao found that food settled his stomach after a panic attack after a few bites. It always felt so awful before eating, but once he’d forced himself through a few bites, he normally found he was really hungry.
Minghao and Junhui ate in silence, curled up in Minghao’s bed with Junhui’s laptop playing Frozen at the end of the bed. Minghao was still clearly feeling a little distant, occasionally pausing the movie and quietly asking Junhui to remind him what had just happened. Junhui happily explained the few minutes of the movie Minghao had zoned out during before they pressed play again and continued watching.
Once they’d finished the pizzas and the movie had ended, the two decided that the pizza wasn’t enough, grabbing a tub of ice cream from the freezer and bringing it back upstairs with two spoons, choosing to watch Frozen 2.
They finished the ice cream long before the movie ended, Minghao only ate a little bit because he wasn’t a big fan of cold foods, instead choosing to chew on the ice left over from his water earlier.
By the time the movie was finished, Minghao was fast asleep against Junhui,
Junhui thought he looked adorable, cuddled close and still wrapped in his blanket. Junhui didn’t want to wake him up, instead choosing to stay in bed with him, skillfully throwing the ice cream tub straight into the bin beside Minghao’s desk before pulling the covers over himself and Minghao, holding the younger close as he quickly let himself fall asleep.