Chapter Text
Things in George's life haven't really been clicking lately-- since Italy, he thinks. He's been making a list in his mind of what's feeling off because his therapist wanted him to report back the next time they talked. Really all it serves to do is make George's mind spin until he's staring at the ceiling, awake at 4 AM, only being able to think about what's going wrong.
The first thing is driving. He knows he hasn't been at his best lately. Winning has finally felt close, closer than it has all season, closer than it has since he's come to F1. Driving with Williams, he'd gotten pretty good at learning how to lose. But coming to Mercedes, things were supposed to change.
He knows there are mountains of pressure on Lewis' shoulders too, more so than George's. He can barely read an article about the season without hearing about how Lewis might go without a win for the first time since he started racing in F1.
Lewis claims he doesn't care. George can see right through it.
Regardless, the weight of their winless season is pressing down on George every second of every day. But finishing last? In one of the fastest cars on the grid? He hasn't been able to sleep without thinking about the race in Singapore, how he should have been able to keep up with the pack, should have brought home points. Mr. Consistantly Awful, his brain supplies him.
Japan hadn't been much better. When he'd finally stopped thinking about what could have happened to Carlos, to Pierre, he'd had time to think about how he'd finished in 8th. And also to think about the fact that Max, though rather anti-climactically, had won the title again. Neither him, not Lewis, had had any shot at the title or the win in Japan.
Speaking of Lewis, he slots right into second place on George's list of anxieties. It's... hard because Lewis is busy. He does 10 times the things in one day that George does in two. He's always got things on the go, more projects than George can count or keep track of. And, it's one of the things that George loves about him. But it also means that he hasn't seen Lewis in days. And George hates to admit it but not being around Lewis is really fucking bad for his mental health.
His therapist tells him he needs to get things figured out without Lewis, but that seems overwhelming and awful and makes him think about the terrifying possibility of Lewis leaving him, and then he has to go on a hard run to stop those thoughts from spiraling.
He knows people can tell he's not doing well though. The bags under his eyes are more designer than Pierre's wardrobe. He didn't shave before Japan, couldn't bring himself to do the little things after Singapore, and the photos were all over the internet.
Toto had given him a concerned look after Japan, George brushing him off with "I'm fine, just the jetlag" and then crying himself to sleep after the race, alone in bed with Lewis having flown to LA that night.
So, yeah. Things are bad. And everyone can tell, except, it seems, for the one person who George needs right now. Who also happens to be on the other side of the world.
George reaches for his phone. It takes everything in him to dial Lewis' number, his brain telling him that Lewis doesn't care and that he's bothering him for no reason. But when Lewis answers, it's all worth it.
"George!" Lewis never says hello, always jumps right into a conversation with whoever is calling him, "Baby, what are you doing awake? Isn't it like 4 in the morning at home?"
"Yeah," George breathes out, quiet and breathy, trying to hold in the wave of emotions drowning his body.
"Oh, hun," George can hear a commotion in the background. There's shuffling and Lewis adds, "just let me go outside, and then I'm all yours."
George is so so tired and he just can't fight it anymore. He starts to cry, ugly, sobbing sounds wracking his body. He hears Lewis take a quick breath and a door slam and then quiet.
"Okay, Georgie. I'm all yours now," Lewis' soothing voice filters through the phone, "What's going on?"
The dam breaks and it all comes out. George starts talking and he can't stop. Every single thing he's been ruminating over for weeks spills from his mouth. Lewis murmurs affirmations, small sounds to let George know he's listening but he doesn't interrupt until George is gasping for breath and there's nothing left in his brain.
"Oh, baby," Lewis says after a beat, and George's empty mind lets the sound of his boyfriend's voice bleed through the post-panic haze. "George, I'm sorry, I should have been there."
"No, you're busy, it's okay." George deflects when all he really wants to say is, yes, please, come home, I need you.
"That's not an excuse," Lewis sighs, "You should be my top priority."
"I don't need to be-"
"Yes, you do. Don't say that."
George can picture Lewis running a hand through his braids. He always does that when he thinks he's done something wrong.
The sound on the other end of the phone changes and George can tell that Lewis has put him on speakerphone. The sounds of the busy LA streets fill George's ears and he closes his eyes, imagining what it would be like to be there right now. To be with Lewis.
"George, you still there?" The sound cuts again and it's just Lewis' soothing voice, the lilting British accent that's different from George's own but still feels like home.
"Yeah, sorry." George opens his eyes.
"Hush baby, no need to be sorry. Look, I just googled and there's a flight leaving Heathrow for LA at 2 PM your time. Should I book it?"
"Wait, Los Angeles?" George's brain is fuzzy with anxiety exhaustion.
"Yeah," Lewis replies, "I can't come back to the UK before the race in Austin, but you could come here early?"
"You want me to come?"
"Of course."
George's brain helpfully supplies all of the reasons he shouldn't go to LA: the time change, sim training, what if the fans find out, what if Toto is angry with him, what if the plane crashes...
"George." Lewis breaks through the voices in his head, "I know you're overthinking this right now."
It brings a small smile to his face, the way that Lewis knows him so well.
"We can deal with whatever happens, together. Just- just please come, I need you."
And that's enough to silence every single thought in George's brain.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
He can feel Lewis' grin through the phone.