Chapter Text
I can only hope you find this letter tucked into your hat box soon into your journey, so you know the truth of it. I would never want you to worry or second guess.
It is hard to not be sitting next to you right now and I think it is hard for you too, me not being with you. My heart and soul want me in NY. To be able to touch you somewhere where we have all the time and no one to find us, to be walking down the street together looking like friends rushing to the pictures or maybe to lunch, and if you would want it, coming home together. The world doesn’t want us but I want us. I had really only wanted baseball before and when I ran to it I found you.
I need to go out on my own for a little bit. I need to figure myself out, for you and for myself. I am finding myself to find my way back to you. You deserve the best version of me, Greta.
I’ll always choose you, I hope I can figure things out quick enough that you still choose me still too.
I never believed I had a destiny. It was only a romantic notion in a book or movie, that is until I met you. With as much certainty as possible, I know you are my destiny.
I know I don’t deserve you, to wait, but I hope maybe. I understand the world is already at your feet and can be okay if someone else gets to you sooner. I know that’s not really confident Shaw talking. But I hope to find my way back to you as confident Carson.
I need to get lost in the world before I can build a new world together with you.
It saddens me these letters will be one sided I fear, I have no plans to stay anywhere long enough to allow you to write back. I guess at the end of all this, I will find out if you still want the same things too.
Yours in hope and longing,
Carson