Archive of Our Own

Kim Minnie was her first a lot of things.

She was the first neighbor of her own age she could remember. The Songs had moved when Yuqi was six, about to start elementary school for the first time. The city, they agreed, would’ve been too chaotic for their only child, that’s why they settled for a nice, peaceful neighborhood in the outskirts. Two story houses, nicely curated gardens, clean air, parking spots always available. It wasn’t that far from the school either, which was rather convenient.

She didn’t remember much about the moving, except for the house right next to theirs. Yuqi had always been a curious kid, it wasn’t surprising for neither of her parents to hear a request to see their neighbors’ home first.

They naturally said no at first, but Yuqi was more than thrilled to find out just about ten minutes later that her bedroom faced exactly the place she was the most curious about. To be precise, it faced another bedroom. And stood at the window of said room there was a little girl about as old as her. Chestnut hair parted in the middle, dark eyes, shy look on her face.

Yuqi lifted a hand to say hello to her, and the girl did the same.

Just a moment after, two slightly older boys appeared behind her and, just like that, they were all gone.

They spent everyday of the following week at the window, waving at each other. Yuqi’s smile was bright and Minnie’s was still shy.

“Hi.” She was the first one to pick up the courage to open the window. “I’m Yuqi.”

“Minnie.”

“Can I see your house one day?” was the first thing she ever asked her. Yuqi has always been a forward person, even as a child.

xxx

Minnie was her first desk mate too.

The Song’s and the Yontararak’s (or Kim’s, as Minnie would refer to her own family) found out soon enough that their daughters would end up in the same class, so they agreed to take turn to take them to school.

It was only natural, after that, they’d sit together. In the classroom, in the cafeteria, at each other’s houses when they had homework to do.

Minnie discovered Yuqi was quite talented when it came to school, but she always did everything in her power not to show it that much. She always finished her homework first, but she’d pretend she still had something to read until Minnie lifted her head up.

Yuqi, on the other hand, was a bit jealous of how Minnie was learning to play the piano. Her house had one in the living room and during homework breaks the little girl would hover her fingers over the keys. She apologized often for her mistakes, but Yuqi didn’t mind. She thought it was pretty cool she could play even the simplest of melodies.

xxx

It didn’t take long for Minnie to become her first friend as well. Days passing by became months and then years.

Minnie was taller than her now, simply because she hit puberty earlier, or at least that’s what Yuqi always said to make herself feel better. Well, she did hit puberty about a year before her, and even decided to get bangs to cover the pimples she used to get on her forehead, but she couldn’t be sure it had anything to do with her height.

“Oh, please.” Minnie, sitting on the passenger sit of her dad’s car, looked at her from the rearview mirror with a stupid smirk on her face. “It’s okay to admit you’re just short. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

It was so unfair of her. She knew Yuqi was too polite to tell her off in front of her dad, so she had to look away, a grudge forming on her lips. It wasn’t like she did it on purpose, it just happened sometimes that words or actions got to her way more than they should’ve.

She didn’t say a word for the rest of the short trip to their classmate’s house, she just kept looking out of the window to avoid eye contact until the car stopped.

“I’ll pick you up at ten.”

“Eleven?” Minnie tried. She always did.

“Ten.” It never worked.

Yuqi got out of the car first, after mumbling a “Thank you, Mr. Yontararak”, and she sped up towards the front door. She barely had the time to ring the doorbell before Minnie appeared next to her with the same cocky smile she had in the car.

“I was joking.” She announced, even though Yuqi was already aware. “I mean…” She turned around to glance at her. Seven years passed since they first saw each other, and even if people change a lot during childhood and teen years, she was confident she knew her best friend pretty well. She was about to say something dumb. “You’re not short, you’re just short-er. It’s okay.”

Not only she said something dumb, she also patted her head in such a condescending way that Yuqi had to keep herself from hitting her hand. What she did instead was move one step on the side, cross her arms and hope someone would get the door soon enough.

“Oh, come on.” Minnie pinched her arm to get her attention (which she already fully had), but before she could add anything else the front door of the house opened, revealing Soojin, a classmate of theirs and birthday girl.

“Happy birthday.” They said together, and if Yuqi would’ve normally laughed, now she found it rather annoying. “We brought you a gift.” Minnie lifted the bag she had in her left hand and Soojin gladly took it before inviting them in.

They did not have much time to talk about it during the party. Perhaps they could’ve. For sure they could’ve, she noticed Minnie tried to approach her multiple times, but she made sure not to end up alone with her. It was an easy task, Soojin’s house wasn’t that big, and since her parents decided to leave the kids alone for a couple hours (trust exercise since they were approaching high school or something life that), they were only allowed in the ground floor areas.

Everything could’ve gone according to plan if only they didn’t collectively decide to play seven minutes in heaven. Yuqi didn’t like the idea, her parents warned her not to do anything they wouldn’t approve of and they definitely wouldn’t have approved of that.

She still went with it because she didn’t want to ruin the mood for everyone else, but once it got to her turn and she made the bottle spin, her head started spinning with it. She tried to tell herself those were her classmates, they were all together, nothing weird would’ve happened.

It turned out there was nothing to worry about, since a soon as the bottle pointed at her, Minnie stopped it with her hand. She didn’t wait for the objections, she simply stood up from the rug, took Yuqi by her wrist and dragged her to the bathroom.

“Hey, that’s-” she heard Lucas’ voice fade away.

“What the hell.”

“You’re mad at me.” Yuqi rolled her eyes, but as much as she wanted to hold her grudge for much longer, she never could. She had to take the bait every time.

“Water is wet.” She then said, but she finally stopped looking at the wall and faced her best friend instead. She knew the fight was over the moment the bathroom door closed behind them, so bursting out laughing came with no surprise. “I hate you.” She added, just to make it clear.

“You love me.” Minnie corrected her, and Yuqi didn’t care to retort. It was the truth, she loved her more than she could ever express with words, not to mention she didn’t need to, they both knew.

She watched her as she turned on the water of the sink and gave her a confused look, while Minnie got closer to her. “Don’t you think they’re listening?” She whispered, pointing at the door.

She hadn’t thought about it, but since she mentioned, there were good chances they were listening. For some reason she felt her cheeks turning red while she forced herself to look down. She finally remembered the reason they were locked in that bathroom in the first place, and without being able to stop herself, she thought about what they were supposed to be doing. Or what their classmates probably thought they were doing, at least.

“Why do they even care if we’re kissing or not?” Saying it out loud felt weird, but not completely wrong in a way.

Minnie shrugged, but he didn’t look as confused as she was. “It’s fun, I guess.”

A few moments of silence followed, with Yuqi munching on her nails and Minnie in front of the mirror. Both girls’ thoughts were so loud to disturb the other, and when they decided to speak, they did it together.

“Maybe we could-” Yuqi began, but she stopped when she realized Minnie said something like “Would you mind if-”

“You first.” She then suggested, while her heart started beating so fast she wondered if that was what people in cardiac arrest felt.

“Can we say we did it?”

“Oh.” Yuqi didn’t fully understand the reasons behind her request. She guessed it had something to do with Minnie wanting to feel like a popular kid since the start of middle school. She personally didn’t care, but Minnie always said she didn’t care because she was already popular. “I was thinking…” She continued after swallowing her own saliva. “We could actually do it.”

“What?”

“I- if… I mean. If you want. We don’t have to. It’s just it’s something we’ll have to do sooner or later and I thought we could figure it out together? Like… like practice. For the real ones.”

She had to admit it didn’t come out as smoothly as she intended it to be. First of all, in her head she didn’t stutter at all, and second, she didn’t mean to imply Minnie would only be a fake kiss for practice. Truth is she was her favorite person in the whole world, the person she trusted the most, and if a first kiss with anyone else felt scary, the thought of doing it with her was reassuring. She trusted her to be her first one, that’s what she meant.

“Do you really want to?” That was she loved about their friendship. It didn’t matter how wrong their words came out, the other would always understand the real meaning behind them.

“Yes.” She whispered, looking down once again. It would’ve been so embarrassing if Minnie said no. “If you also want to.”

“I want to.” She replied in no time, and Yuqi felt a shot of adrenaline running through her whole body. It was exciting, and maybe a bit scary still, but a good scary, the scary that turns your legs to jelly and makes you feel the need to jump at the same time. That type of scary that puts a smile on your face and, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get it off.

“Okay.” She took a step forward. She had no idea of what she was supposed to do. She liked to pretend she always had everything figured out (since she was three, she’d say), but in all honesty there were a few situations she would’ve been able to perfectly deal with. This wasn’t one of them.

Minnie, on the other hand, had watched so many romcoms she had the perfect vision of how a first kiss should go. From where they stood, Yuqi could see the excitement on her face. Her eyes, half covered by her way too long bangs, shone like they only did when her friend played the piano, and her lips were trembling to a point she found it hard not to smile.

The second they started leaning in, it was sort of awkward. Thinking back at it, they shouldn’t have kept their eyes opened until the last moment. Minnie was the first one to close them, Yuqi followed. However, as soon as their lips touched, all she could feel was a warm, familiar sense of comfort, everything she had been scared of suddenly disappeared, leaving room only for the exciting part.

It only lasted an instant, a quick peck before Minnie pulled back with a wide smile. It was the first time Yuqi felt her heart drop.

“It was nice.” Her best friend said immediately. She could almost touch the relief in her voice.

“Yeah.” She replied, but her voice came weaker than expected, she didn’t understand why at the time.

“Time’s up!” Someone shouted from outside the door, making Minnie giggle. She was right, they were listening.

xxx

Junior year had been going on for just a month but to Yuqi it already felt like hell. That day in particular made her wish she was the type of student who’d skip class when she felt like it. If someone were to ask her, it didn’t have anything to do with the empty chair next to hers. In reality it had everything to do with the empty chair.

Minnie had texted her that morning to ask her if she wanted to go downtown with her, but Yuqi couldn’t bring herself to say yes. It wasn’t surprising for neither of them, she never said yes, but Minnie kept trying. She knew her friend worried about her being too stressed because of school, but she simply couldn’t afford the risk of disappointing her parents, not with everything they’d sacrificed to guarantee her a good education.

She ended up not listening to a single word her first period teacher said though, so she wondered if it wouldn’t have been better if she skipped entirely. She regretted not doing it as soon as her phone’s screen lightened up, revealing a notification from Minnie herself.

It was a picture of her pouting. You couldn’t see much else, but the seat suggested she was on a bus.

[i miss you :(]
[i’m already going home i’m bored]
[see u later? x]
                                              [sure]
                                              [if I survive ms choi talking for 2hrs]
[u’re so whiny omg]
[u’ll be fine]
                                              [fuck off]
[ily]

“Miss Song, no cellphones in class.”

Her head shot up, finding the teacher right next to her desk with her hand lifted. She didn’t protest, she knew it would’ve been pointless, she just put her phone in the woman’s hand, trying to ignore the heat (and, she assumed, redness) she could feel all over her own face.

“You can have it in a few hours.”

She did, in fact, get it back a couple of hours later. One of the perks of being the perfect student, the teachers trusted her to a point they’d bend the rules a little if Yuqi were to slip. So, instead of keeping it the whole school period, Ms. Choi decided to hand the phone to her just after her class was over.

However, having a math test (reason why Minnie chose to skip) right after, she did not have the time to text her friend back. She did at lunch, but she didn’t get a reply, so she put it in her bag and forgot about it until it was time to go home.

It was routine for them to meet every day after school, they spent so much time together their families joked about they’d die if they ever were to be apart for more than a few days. Yuqi wasn’t sure it was a joke after all. She hated holidays for that simple reason, both of them usually went to visit their relatives out of town and it was so boring she could actually die.

“Kim Minnie!” She shouted once in her room, laughing at her when she jumped from her chair.

“Are you insane?” It only took her a handful of seconds before she started giggling with her. “So annoying. How did you even get in?”

“Mac opened the door since you’re too lazy to do it yourself.”

Minnie pointed at the earbuds sitting on her desk, as a silent explanation on why she didn’t receive her guest as manners would want. As usual, her music was so loud she couldn’t even hear the doorbell.

“I copied the test’s questions.” She dropped the notebook on Minnie’s lap, before launching herself on her bed, just as she would do in her own bedroom. She didn’t say it out loud, but she already crossed the right answers as well. “Mr. Young is too lazy to write a new test from scratch just for you.”

“You’re the best.”

“I know.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon in Minnie’s bedroom, doing homework if their parents were to ask, but mostly gossiping. She usually didn’t like it, but she had to admit it was pretty funny to do it with Minnie.

“Did you hear about Lucas’ crush? His friends say he’s dying for this girl, but I can’t find out who she is.” It was pretty funny until she decided to bring that up at least.

Sometimes she had a feeling Minnie enjoyed putting her to the test, but she wasn’t entirely sure why she would do such thing. She knew who Lucas had a crush on. Hell, even Yuqi, who should’ve been oblivious, knew, even before that day.

“He asked me out.” She blurted out, lowering her head as she would do whenever she was embarrassed about something.

“What?” Minnie’s tone, as she anticipated, wasn’t that surprised. “When?”

“At lunch today. We’ll go out tomorrow.”

“You said yes?” About that, she was genuinely shocked. Yuqi didn’t understand why she would think she’d say no. Lucas was one of her closest friends, he was nice to her most of the times, except for when he had to act cool in front of his friends, but that was every boy on the face of the Earth, right?

“Yeah? I shouldn’t have?” She looked up now, and she didn’t know what she expected to see, but it definitely wasn’t Minnie’s smile. Initial surprise aside, she looked happy for her. Somehow, it made her feel worse.

“No, no, of course you should’ve. Where are you guys going?”

She wasn’t sure, he listed more than a place while he was ranting about the date, but that was one of the moments Yuqi spaced out, so she didn’t catch his final decision.

“I don’t know. To the movies I think.” She heard him say that at one point, and it was the first thing that came to her mind now, so…

“Of course.” Minnie didn’t stop smiling. It looked a bit unnatural, but she decided not to put much thought into it. “One popcorn basket in the dark, you’ll hold hands by mistake…”

“Jesus, stop!” For some reason, hearing her say it out loud sent chills over her spinal cord, but it wasn’t a good thrill.

“Come on! You know movies is just an excuse to cuddle a bit, maybe kiss too.”

Yuqi fell silent and had to look away once again.

“What?” Minnie asked, she sounded worried more than anything else. “Did he do something?” Which, to be fair, she should’ve seen coming. She was probably pale, afraid to look at her in the eyes, curled up on herself as if she needed to feel protected from something.

“No! No. It’s just…” She sniffed for a moment, playing with her own fingers. She hated to admit not knowing how to do something, Minnie was the only person she could ever tell stuff like that. “What if I’m not capable? Of… kissing, I mean.”

“Where is this coming from?” Minnie’s voice got sweeter now and her hand was placed on Yuqi’s shoulder. It was warm, applying just the right amount of pressure on her skin.

“Well, I…” It was frustrating sometimes, not knowing how to express her feelings and fears and needs with words. “He probably already kissed someone and…”

“You have too.”

The only reason why her whole face turned red was that she did not expect Minnie to say that at all.

“It doesn’t count.” Minnie’s fingers sunk in her shoulder deeper and deeper, until Yuqi complained about the pain. “Ouch! What? It doesn’t!”

“Yes it does, stop being a prick!” Minnie pouted for a moment. “I still say you were my first kiss if people ask.”

She felt a tiny bit of guilt running through her, but then again Minnie perfectly knew what she meant, so she scrolled it off immediately.

“Okay, it counts, but you know… people expect you to fully make out at sixteen.”

“He shouldn’t expect anything, you’ll do whatever you feel like doing. And who cares what anyone else thinks, right?” It was usually her motto. In any other occasion, Minnie would struggle with how people saw her and Yuqi didn’t, but she was glad her friend didn’t hesitate a second to reassure her.

“Yeah, I know, but…” She could be stubborn, she had to admit that, but more than once her stubbornness brought her things she never even would’ve imagined. Like now, if she hadn’t protested once more, Minnie would’ve never interrupted her.

“Okay, kiss me then.”

Her mouth fell opened, she intended to say something, anything really, but in the end nothing came out.

“So I can tell you if you suck a lot or just a little bit.”

She turned around to glare at her and she would’ve even hit her, she wanted to, but Minnie’s smile was too cute for her to ruin it.

“You’re the worst.”

Her best friend didn’t reply, she simply fixed her position on the bed so that the two were now facing each other. It felt like deja-vu, except Minnie was prettier now, not to mention how her confidence boosted up during the first years of high school.

The idea of kissing her now somehow felt more exciting than it did in middle school. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that back then it was something they both felt the need to get done and that was it. Now Yuqi kind of knew that practice was just a mere excuse, but she still let the lie hover on them, she let its comfort lull her.

This time she was the one that leaned in first, even though Minnie was ready. The first touch was just as soft as the first time, but that was the only resemblance Yuqi could find in the two kisses. The shock she felt running through her body was ten times more intense, her friend’s hands weren’t shaking when she grabbed her face, and neither of them pulled back after a short second.

The moment Minnie’s tongue touched hers, she felt her brain shut down and her body run on autopilot. She brought her hands on her friend’s waist, pulled her closer, she let the kiss grow deeper. She never planned on liking it that much, but oh, did she like it. She could’ve killed anyone who dared to interrupt them at that moment, while she was enjoying biting Minnie’s lower lips, pulling it towards her, going down to kiss her jawline, her neck, then again her lips.

Once she did pull away, Minnie wasn’t ready. She didn’t give her time to open her eyes before pressing their lips together again.

“I think we found another thing you’re good at.” She whispered, still dangerously close, and even though she convened Yuqi didn’t need any practice at all, they kept on kissing until her parents called her on the phone to tell her to come home.

She still went out with Lucas the day after. They did kiss in the dark at the cinema. It turned out the real thing was not at all as exciting as practice was.

xxx

It happened multiple times during the school year. With both Lucas and Minnie. To her defense, none of them ever put a label on whatever they had going on. At least Lucas hadn’t, while her relationship with Minnie stayed pretty much the same. They were friends. Who liked to kiss sometimes. A lot of times. Especially when they were drunk.

A New Year’s Eve party wasn’t exactly the most comfortable environment for Yuqi. Not that she had anything to hide, but she hadn’t exactly told Lucas about Minnie. It was fine, since the two barely met each other except for school. Again, not that she had to keep it secret, but still.

She felt nervous arriving at Miyeon’s (the senior that decided to throw the party) place and she found herself hoping Lucas would drink enough to forget whatever was about to happen that night. Because she knew something would happen. How could it not, when Minnie wore that black dress that covered just half of her thighs and that lipstick that made her want to –

She needed to stop.

It was easy at first, but the more people handed out drinks to her, the sloppier she got. Again, she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but she didn’t want him to notice how she looked at her.

Unlucky for her, high schoolers weren’t mature enough to stop playing seven minutes in heaven. Apparently, Minnie wasn’t mature enough to stop cheating even at sixteen.

“You’re not slick like at all.”

Minnie giggled, she was just about as drunk as Yuqi was. She moved a step towards her, making her back away until she felt the wooden bathroom door touch her shoulders. Yuqi had to look up, she till was a tiny bit shorter than her.

“The pot calling the kettle black.” She pleasantly found out Minnie was rather flirty after the second drink. “You can’t even stop looking at me.”

“Shut up.” She blurted out, even though she didn’t need to. She knew the girl wouldn’t add anything else either way.

Her lips felt as warm as ever, they tasted sour (Minnie never was one for sweet drinks), and even though the kiss wasn’t properly delicate, Yuqi would still describe it as soft. They always were.

With alcohol involved, she couldn’t tell how fast time was passing. All she could focus was the feel of Minnie’s tongue against hers, Minnie’s teeth on her lips, Minnie’s lips kissing her neck. It started off as a slight touch, but then it got more intense, and Yuqi could only think about how good her friend’s tongue felt on her skin, how it sent chills running through her body to a point her breathing got faster and louder.

It was only when someone banged against the door that both of them realized they hadn’t been kissing for a minute. Seven of them already passed, and judging by the surprised, and satisfied, look on her best friend’s face and the way she could feel her neck pulsing…

“Fuck.” She whispered, touching the point Minnie left the hickey. “We’re coming!”

“Yeah, I bet you are!” Someone replied from the hallway and a general laugh followed. At least ten people were waiting for them, but Yuqi reached the sink, hoping for cold water to solve the problem immediately. It didn’t, of course. And Minnie was of no help either. Instead of coming up with a quick solution, she just stood up behind her, leaving small kisses on her jawline she couldn’t say no to.

“It suits you.” She hated her sometimes. “I’m sorry,” she added right after. “I didn’t mean to, I got carried away.”

“It’s okay.”

Minnie sighed, stepping back. “Turn around.”

She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but Yuqi still obeyed, watching her friend open her purse. She first put the makeup on her neck, and even if she couldn’t cover it completely, at least it wasn’t just as messy as before.

She then proceeded to press her thumb all around her lips to clean her from the smudged lipstick, but all Yuqi was able to think was how she wanted to kiss it. Kiss her again.

“Come on.” As much as she liked social-activities Minnie, the girl that tried her best to get everyone to like her, humorous Minnie, loud Minnie, she loved this one so much more. She also loved knowing she was the only person on the planet, her family aside, who was allowed to see Minnie’s tenderness up that close. “I’ll make up a lie for you.”

“Five minutes more than what was due, ladies.” Jisung, a classmate of theirs, received them with a smirk on his face. He was fine most of the times, but he was also way too nosy.

“I had a ladies problem.” Minnie had her answer ready, she even stood ahead of Yuqi to block the other people’s line of sight.

“That’s what it’s called now.” Another general laugh, but with a bit of luck no one noticed the red spot on Yuqi’s neck.

No one except for Lucas, who didn’t take long to leave the house with a weak excuse. Yuqi followed him outside, regretting immediately not bringing her jacket. The air was chilly outside, but even with her whole body shaking, she sped up to reach him.

“Hey!” She grabbed his arm and that was enough to make him stop.

“What?” He was mad. No, he was pissed.

“What happened?” It wasn’t the best question to ask, she was aware, but she couldn’t think of anything better.

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Do you really need to ask?” He got nothing but silence in response. “Fifteen minutes in heaven?” He added a few minutes extra, but the point came across loud and clear.

“She had –”

“Please, spare me. Just tell me what we have means nothing and let’s move on.”

Yuqi frowned, hugging herself. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to keep herself warm or protected from the storm she could feel in the air.

“But that’s not true. Of course it means something.” Lucas was also slightly taller than her, so she had to raise her eyes to meet his.

“Are you sure? It doesn’t feel like it.”

“Why are you acting like this?” It wasn’t a proper reply. Was she sure?

“Why? Well, I thought you liked me”, “I do!” she tried to interrupt his word vomit, but it didn’t work, “but you’re always with her!”, “She’s my best friend!” she tried again.

“Best friends don’t make out in a bathroom at a New Year’s Eve party!” His voice got higher, angrier. He was hurt, so hurt Yuqi felt like throwing up. She usually was the girl everyone liked, the one with the big smile and loud laugh and friendly personality. She didn’t hurt people, she would never.

“Some do.” She wasn’t sure about this either.

“No, they don’t.” He was calm again, but she could read an uncomfortable amount of sadness in his eyes. “Look, if you can’t stay away from her like that, just tell me now and I’ll call it quits. I don’t want to share you, I –” He sniffed. “I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend, today.”

xxx

That was the first time she had to give Minnie up. They still met every day, both in school and outside, but they had to stop kissing.

She couldn’t admit it out loud, but she couldn’t hide it from herself either. She missed kissing her, Lucas’ lips didn’t feel like hers did. It was still nice, she’d say, but not the same at all.

If Minnie missed it as well, she didn’t show it too much. She never tried to do it again, she accepted Yuqi’s decision right away, and she knew she should’ve been relieved their relationship didn’t change after that talk, but there was a hint of annoyance hidden in her that emerged from time to time.

They bickered more frequently now, mostly because of Yuqi. She got offended when Minnie showed indifference. She hated when Minnie seemed jealous even more. Not understanding her, that’s what she hated the most.

They sat in Minnie’s living room in silence after the nth argument. While Yuqi kept on browsing her book’s pages making as much noise as possible, Minnie played some random melody on the piano.

“Why are you mad?” Yuqi asked when, in fact, she sounded like she was the mad one out of the two.

“I’m not mad.” There it was again, the soulless tone that enraged her more than anything. Minnie pressed a key, probably hoping Yuqi would finally drop the topic.

“Yes you are.” She didn’t. “I told you we’ll hang out tomorrow, but I promised him –”

“And I said it’s fine.”

She did say that, but Yuqi knew what every single inflection in her voice meant, she knew when she was lying and when she wasn’t. She knew when she didn’t truly care and when she was annoyed instead.

She still gave up, however, because knowing Minnie meant she also knew nothing could’ve made things better at that moment. She went back to study, or she pretended to read words that made no sense to her at all. She underlined the same sentence three times and still couldn’t remember what it said at all.

Every time a note came out of the piano, Yuqi lost track of what she was focusing on, and when the notes started adding up into a real melody, she could not do anything but admiring Minnie’s back, while her best friend was concentrating on the song.

It had always been her favorite thing to do, getting lost in the sounds Minnie was capable of creating. She would always drop anything she was doing to listen her play, her mind just couldn’t focus on other activities when the sound of the piano filled the room.

She had heard that initial melody before, but Minnie always refused to continue after the first few notes. Yuqi didn’t need to ask, she knew she wrote it from scratch.

She expected her to stop once again, but this time her best friend continued pressing the keys, one after another, and when she sang the first line, Yuqi’s body shivered from head to toe.

Word after word, her voice dug deeper into Yuqi’s head and chest, until the girl herself felt like a whole opened up under her chair and she was sinking. Falling.

Without even realizing, she started crying. Tears run through her cheeks and ended up on her lips, the salt filled her taste buds until it was impossible for her to ignore everything that was happening on the inside.

She was sixteen years and a half the first time she consciously thought she was in love with her best friend.

“It’s called Escape.”

When Minnie turned around, Yuqi immediately noticed her eyes were teary as well. She didn’t need to say she wrote it thinking of her.

They didn’t need to speak about the reason why, that same evening, Yuqi broke up with Lucas.

xxx

Kim Minnie was, outside of her family, the first person that witnessed one of Yuqi’s panic attacks.

They had started not long before, about the following weeks of her breakup with Lucas. She wasn’t heartbroken per se, but she did hate having to hurt him like she never had to hurt anyone else. What happened later made her feel a bit better about herself.

He immediately caught on the reason Yuqi ended their relationship despite not giving him a warning before. He started accusing her of being a cheater, saying she refused to sleep with him because she was probably sleeping with Minnie every day.

He told her and days later he told everyone else. It was hard for Yuqi being the social reject, and Minnie telling their classmates off didn’t help either. Only Soojin, except for her best friend, would talk to her, but for a social being as her it wasn’t nearly enough. Having to eat lunch on an empty table, not being waved at in the hallways… it was hard.

She had to worry about everyone in school hating her, about having to study for her finals, about her grandmother’s deteriorating health, about her and Minnie still not defining what it was that was going on between them.

On top of that, she recently realized she didn’t want to attend Law School as her parents would’ve wanted, but she didn’t know how to crack the news to them, especially now that they had to travel every single week to check on her father’s mom.

They were out of town when it happened and if it wasn’t for Minnie, she was positive she could’ve died, even though her therapist guaranteed her it was just a feeling and she wouldn’t have died of a panic attack, it was a hard thing to believe when you’re out of breath and there’s this weight on your chest and it feels like you’ll never be able to get out of that state.

It happened all at once as usual, right after she talked to Minnie about wanting to take a year after high school to figure stuff out. The idea of disappointing her own parents suddenly popped up in her head and there was nothing she could do to stop the following chain of events.

“Hey.” Minnie was prepared, spending so much time with her it was only right she was informed of what to do if it ever came to it. Yuqi’s parents told her fresh air helped, talking to her helped, keep her in contact with reality helped.

“Hey, hey.” She said again, kneeling in front of her while Yuqi was sitting on her bed grasping for air. “I’m here. Look at me. Do you see me?”

She did, barely. Everything in her eye sight was blurred. She tried to nod, but she couldn’t speak, her chest hurt too much.

“Okay, listen. Let’s breathe together. Breathe in and breathe out. Again. Breathe in, breathe out. I need you to list me five things you see, okay? Just five.”

After trying to focus for a few moments, Yuqi parted her lips. “I see you.” She whispered, her breath still too fast. “My wallpaper with the giraffes. I can see six of them, they’re yellow and black.” Which Minnie used to pretend she hated. “Chemistry notes. I wrote them with a black ink pen.” They were spread across the bed now. “The picture of us as kids. You’re wearing a blue dress, you still don’t have your bangs. I’m wearing the denim suspenders my aunt bought me for my seventh birthday.” She tried to breathe between every item on her mental list. “The clothes on my chair. There’s a brown sweater, two pair of pants, a black jacket.”

She could see Minnie’s encouraging smile now, it made her feel slightly better.

“Four things you can touch?” She suggested then.

“My bedsheets.” She just now realized she was grasping onto them and she finally let them go. She grabbed the notes instead. “I used recycled paper for these. It’s a bit rough.” She went to touch Minnie’s cardigan with the tip of her fingers. “It’s wool.” She brought both her hands up to Minnie’s face, cupped it, caressed her cheekbones with her thumbs. “You’re here with me.”

Despite Yuqi looking a lot calmer than the moment before, Minnie went on, putting her forehead on hers. “Three things you can hear?”

“Birds.” She noticed just now that the window was open, Minnie must’ve done it when she saw she couldn’t breathe. “The Park’s son is screaming.” He was kind of annoying, she had to admit. “I can hear you breathing.”

And if in any other circumstance she would’ve jokes about Minnie having to get her cold checked, this time she didn’t add anything else.

“Two things you can smell.”

“Bakery?”, “My mom is baking a cake for the twins’ birthday” Minnie confirmed. “You’re wearing the perfume I bought you last year.”

Minnie just smiled as a confirm. “One thing you can feel?”

She felt a lot of things at the same time, it was almost overwhelming. That was probably why her therapist suggested to focus on one of them at a time. Out of everything she could’ve said, what came out was “I’m embarrassed.”

“You don’t have to.” Minnie put a hand on her hair, tucked it behind her ear before placing a kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay, we dealt with it.” She sounded more relieved than Yuqi was. She must’ve scared her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop. Don’t feel sorry for something you can’t control. And don’t feel sorry with me.”

When Yuqi gave her a smile, that’s when Minnie completely gave in. She placed her head on top of her thighs, letting Yuqi’s hand distractedly run through her hair.

“Do you mind sleeping here tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

Falling asleep while Minnie’s arms were wrapped around her body turned out to be the easiest thing she’d ever done.

They went to bed after eating their pizza, they placed Yuqi’s laptop next to them to watch a movie, but Minnie was hugging her from behind, she could sense her lips on her skin and her warm breath on her neck. It was the calmest she had felt in months.

When she opened her eyes, several hours later, her room was still dark. The moonlight filtered through just enough to let her see shadows, and a hand on her stomach.

Minnie must’ve been on edge, because as soon as she felt her shivering, her head shot up. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just cold.” She felt her moving behind her, then a breeze on her back, signaling Minnie got up. She watched her as she reached the window, that she’d left open just in case, to close it. She couldn’t see her clearly, but she still would say she was the prettiest like that. The most vulnerable, the realest Minnie she could ever get, with all of her walls crumbled down, was the Minnie she loved the most.

As soon as she could feel her under the bedsheets again, Yuqi turned around to face her, meeting a smile that extended to her eyes. When Minnie smiled like that, her stomach flipped every time.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her, but browsing through her own vocabulary, she soon understood none of the words she knew would’ve been able to express what she felt for her best friend. She wasn’t as good as her in putting sentences together, and she surely couldn’t accompany them with a kind of melody that could touch her heartstrings like Minnie’s music did to her.

She had to resort to the hope that her friend would be capable of understanding without needing to hear a sound. They usually did, understand each other without a single spoken word, and this time it wasn’t any different. If anything, hidden in the dark, they understood each other more than they ever did before.

When their lips first touched, the kiss was as soft as usual. Yuqi wanted more. Not for herself per se, she wanted Minnie to feel more, she wanted her to never forget how tied to her she felt. She leaned further, she bit her lower lip, she gasped when Minnie’s cold touch reached her waist.

Yuqi didn’t hesitate to put her own hands on Minnie’s, dragging them higher, under the fabric of her pajamas’ shirt. She also wanted to feel more, egoistically speaking, since every day she felt like her feelings for her best friend grew and grew and they were now spilling on Minnie’s lips and neck and chest, she was so full of how much she loved her, yet it wasn’t enough.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t have to look at her to answer, but seeing how flustered Minnie was, how her hair fell messily on her shoulders, how her eyes shone in the dark – she had no doubts. “Are you?”

She didn’t answer, she simply pressed their lips together again. For the rest of the night, she touched her everywhere, leaving burning marks on every inch of Yuqi’s skin.

Out of all of her firsts, Kim Minnie was her first time as well.

xxx

They say you never forget your first heartbreak. Yuqi didn’t much believe it until that day.

More than five months had passed since that night in her bedroom. Their first time wasn’t certainly the last. They took every chance that got thrown their way, each time they were alone.

After an afternoon spent in Minnie’s room, they decided to go out in the Yontararak’s backyard while they waited for her family to come back.

“Is everything okay?” She could tell something was wrong for awhile now, probably since that Halloween party where Minnie disappeared for hours just to come back and drag her in her new car, gifted to her for her eighteenth birthday. They had sex, but that wasn’t new.

They did nothing different, not that time nor the following ones, but Yuqi could feel something had changed. She could not place that feeling, and it would’ve been impossible for her to describe it to anyone else. It was the small details, like the light in Minnie’s eyes fading away day by day, it was the fact she barely heard her play the piano lately. The problem was, in their world, details meant more than anything else.

“Yeah.” She didn’t look at her.

“Min.”

“I think we should stop.” It came out of the blue, like a lightning in clear skies. Yuqi sat up, frowning, she wasn’t sure she fully understood.

“What? Why? Did I do anything wrong? I can –”

“You didn’t do anything.” Minnie pulled herself from the ground as well, placing a hand on Yuqi’s cheek. “I just don’t think it’s good for us.”

“I don’t understand.” She hated being this emotional, because even if she wanted to keep herself stone cold, she knew her eyes filled with tears would’ve always given her emotions up. Minnie looked hurt when she noticed.

“We can’t go on like this. We can’t date anyone else if we’re this involved and –”

“Then don’t!” The feelings that always filled her weren’t leaking anymore, they simply exploded all at once. Sadness, anger, fear. She was scared of losing Minnie. She was terrified of losing herself in the process. “Why would we date someone else? We can date each other. It only makes sense. We’re basically already dating, we just need to make it official. No one would be surprised anyway, we –”

“Yuqi.” She grabbed her face with both hands now, she apparently didn’t care about how much Yuqi’s tears got them wet. “I can’t afford to lose you. I don’t want us to breakup when I’ll go in the States next year and you…”

“I’ll come with you.”

“It’s not your dream.” It wasn’t. She wanted to take a year break and try with the entertainment industry in Seoul.

“It can be.”

“Yuqi.” She repeated, but this time her tone was harsher. “I’d rather have you not talking to me for the next months than losing you forever. Please, try to understand.”

“But…” She still didn’t understand. She was confused and hurt and nauseous. “I love you.”

It was the first time she had told her like that. It was also the last.

She watched as Minnie’s shoulders dropped, as if she just put an enormous weight on them, but Minnie didn’t complain. She took the hit, she swallowed and went back to look at her. “I love you too. I love you so much.”

“Lucas was right.”

That, Minnie didn’t expect. She had told her what the boy said to her, the evening of the breakup, so many times they both remembered them by heart. Deep down, Yuqi knew he couldn’t have been further from the truth, but all she wanted now was for Minnie to feel the same amount of pain that was squeezing her heart until she felt like it was about to stop.

“He was right. I broke up with him for you. And you used me for a few months and now you’re just throwing me away like… like I’m your toy.”

“You don’t mean that.” She didn’t know how she was able to catch that, for how breathless Minnie was. She was also pale, just like she was every time she had to throw up.

“I do.” She stood up, hugging herself even though there was nothing to protect anymore. She felt shattered, every bit and pieces of her spread across the grass. “And I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Before she could try and stop her, Yuqi left. Minnie, however, wouldn’t have tried to stop her. She just stayed there, curled up on herself, until her own parents found her an hour later.

xxx

It took her months to start functioning like a human being again. Day by day she got up, showered, dressed up. At first, she had a panic attack almost every day, then they became a couple every week, then once a month. Her grades went down so much she had to close herself in her own bedroom for the entirety of the holidays to salvage what was possible.

She survived.

She lived through Christmas, New Years and Winter.

When Spring came and the sun started heating her surroundings up, making birds sing and flowers bloom, she felt ready.

As much as she wanted to forget the last twelve years of her life, at the same time memories kept her company during the loneliest of days. She still knew Minnie’s old habits just as she knew the new ones. She couldn’t help herself to stop observing her when she though she wouldn’t notice. She transferred desk right away and she was now sitting in the last row next to Jeon Soyeon, while Yuqi found in Soojin a new desk mate.

In the meantime, everyone sort of forgot they hated her for hurting Lucas, so she started sitting with her old friends at lunch. She never saw Minnie in the cafeteria, but it wasn’t hard to guess where she used to hide.

She never went looking for her before that warm day of April. She was sitting on the piano stall, playing that song. Yuqi felt her stomach twist.

“Hi.” She jumped in surprise, turning around as if she wanted to check she wasn’t imagining things.

People usually told her she had deer-like eyes, but this time it was the perfect description for Minnie’s. Wide open, bright, hopeful.

“We had pizza for lunch. I brought you a slice.” She placed the table on the desk on the far side of the music classroom. One step at a time, she still wasn’t sure she wanted physical contact. Still, she worried about Minnie, in a few months she had lost so much weight. It was scary to witness.

“Thank you.” She was as uncertain as Yuqi was, but she at least got up to take a bite. She didn’t know she was holding her breath until she had to let it go, a bit relieved.

“You look terrible.” Minnie gave her a weak smile. “You too.”

She watched her munch for a few moments.

“I miss you.” Just as if nothing had happened, they said it together, letting a giggle out of each other.

“Do you think…” Minnie never stuttered, not that she could remember. She did now. “Do you think we can go back?”

She sighed, carefully pondering her words. She wasn’t sure what go back meant anymore. “I don’t know.” She looked away, she couldn’t watch Minnie’s face drop. “But I’d like to try.”

“Me too.” She knew something was coming as soon as she heard the tone in her voice switch. It sounded guilty, and Yuqi had to breach for impact. “I’m seeing someone. Is it okay with you?”

It wasn’t. She felt, at the time, like it could’ve never been. Her heart sank deeper, lower than she thought it was possible. “Who?”

“Miyeon.”

She liked Miyeon. Miyeon was a kind person, for all she knew. She wanted Miyeon to disappear from the face of the Earth now. “Okay.” She nodded, trying to convince herself more than anything. “Thank you for telling me. See you around?”

She didn’t wait for an answer, she didn’t want Minnie to see her cry.

It got easier with time, they started spending more and more time together. Always at each other’s houses, always with their bedrooms’ doors open.

They reached graduation day together, just like they always planned, but something felt deeply different to Yuqi.

They did promise each other not to disappear, but it didn’t happen. Minnie left to follow her dream on the other side of the planet and Yuqi failed her plan to enter the entertainment industry. She didn’t join Law School either. She settled for Journalism. It was fine. She was happy. As happy as someone missing a part of herself could be.

xxx

Soyeon came in like a soft, chilly breeze in a muggy day of August. They knew each other since the first day of high school, yet she had never looked at her the way she now saw her. It took her several months to give in, but little by little she learned to trust again.

It helped that the girl never left anything to be questioned. She asked her out on a date after a week they started talking. They met at college, and they kept bumping into each other every morning in front of the coffee stand. Yuqi had reasons to think it was planned, since Soyeon made a weird face at every sip of coffee she took.

She never did anything to avoid it.

It was the second Christmas since high school and Yuqi was happy over all. As happy as she could be with a part of herself missing.

She ate and showered and studied and laughed, but a piece of her mind was always absent, looking into the distance.

Metaphorically, of course, since she was the one driving herself and Soyeon home.

“Oh, God.” Soyeon burst out all of the sudden, with her eyes still glued to her phone.

“What?”

“You won’t believe it.” She often did this, knowing Yuqi was extremely impatient. She enjoyed seeing her get mad, so she teased her more than what was humanly possible.

Yuqi heavily sighed, but since she had to keep her eyes on the road, she couldn’t notice the smile on her girlfriend’s face. “What?” She asked again.

“No, seriously, you could get so shocked you’d cause an accident.”

“God, you’re so annoying. Tell me already.” She turned around only when she heard the giggle. She felt the need to hit her on her leg, but Soyeon was quicker to scold her. “Ha! Look ahead, don’t make me regret trusting you with my life.”

She put on a grudge, but she did as told. She didn’t want to actually cause an accident.

“Our classmates want to do a reunion.”

“Already?” She almost turned again, but Soyeon put a hand on her cheek to keep her head straight this time. “Isn’t that for like… ten years after graduation? It hasn’t even been two years.”

She avoided to mention how it felt like the longer year and a half of her life. She didn’t want to weight Soyeon with her past, even though she knew it was heavily affecting her present as well. She just thought, maybe if she would’ve waited a little longer, everything would’ve been put to its place by itself.

“It’s probably just an excuse to invite you.”

It was an odd thing to say, wasn’t it? To her it was. “Uh?” If it wasn’t for Soyeon’s hand still on her face, she definitely would’ve turned around now.

“My oblivious little Woogie.” She pinched her cheek, getting an “ouch!” out of her.

“What are you talking about?”

“Half the class had a crush on you, but of course you wouldn’t notice…”

She was oblivious most of the times, it was true, and she had no idea about anyone except for Lucas having a crush on her, but she did not like the turn the conversation had taken.

“You’re making that up.”

“I’m definitely not. Ask Soojin if you don’t believe me.”

They stayed at the surface for a while, neither of them daring to sink a bit deeper, scared of what was waiting just below the water. Yuqi stayed silent for the next fifteen or twenty minutes, deep in her thoughts. She noted to really ask Soojin, next time she’d see her and Shuhua, even if something told her Soyeon wasn’t lying.

“Did you also have a crush on me?” She asked out of the blue, after taking a turn right. She had a smirk spread across her face. It was the high of being in a relationship with Soyeon, the girl always gave her the courage to dare. Dare to date again, dare to let someone see through the walls she had carefully built around herself lately, dare to open a discourse that could’ve been painful.

“Wouldn’t you like to know!”

“Yes, I would, thank you.”

“Maybe you’d already know, if you weren’t so busy giving Minnie your cutest puppy eyes…”

There it was, the knife to her heart. Soyeon didn’t sound annoyed at all, at the contrary she seemed to be enjoying the teasing just as much as usual. Yuqi, on the other hand, grasped on the steering wheel like her life depended on it.

The silver lining and the negative side of dating an introvert was that she noticed everything.

“You should talk to her one of these days.”

Lying now would’ve been of no use, so Yuqi fought the urge and took a deep breath instead. “Wouldn’t it annoy you?” Hurt you, that was what she wanted to ask, but she couldn’t bring herself to.

“A little bit.” She liked how honest Soyeon always was, she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. “But I’ll manage. Besides, I don’t think you’re here with me fully. You should solve your stuff before it ruins your life, don’t you think?”

She didn’t reply to her, but she agreed. That didn’t mean it would’ve been any easier to face Minnie after all those months.

xxx

The plan was, once she dropped Soyeon off and got to her parents’ house, to rest her eyes a little. A three hours car trip was exhausting after all, and when Yuqi climbed the stairs to get to her bedroom, she felt all her energies leaving her body.

She didn’t sleep much. She never could in that bed. If she closed her eyes and focused hard enough, she could still smell her perfume and feel the touch of her hands. It made her feel so uneasy she had to get up half an hour after.

When she got to the window to let some fresh air into the room, she caught a bit of movement in the window in front and, as it always happened when she could sense she was near, she felt a rush of panic run through her.

She wasn’t the only one that could simply feel her, because Minnie stopped in front of the window and looked over. She didn’t know what to do, she simply stood there, her bangs still so long they covered her eyes, a scared expression painted across her face.

Yuqi raised a hand to wave at her and watched as her whole face lit up. It was like a punch in the guts, but a good one to some extent. It simply felt exciting seeing her again, but it didn’t make her want to die like it did during the last two years.

She signaled her to meet her downstairs and, when Minnie nodded, she flew outside, putting on her shoes while hopping, just not to waste time.

Minnie was waiting for her in front of the Yontararak’s front door. “Hey!” She felt her arms around her body before she could say anything, but it was a pleasant surprise to find them warm and calming as ever.

“Hi.” She was never the shy type around her, but after everything that happened, she didn’t exactly know where to draw the lines. If there were lines to draw.

“Baby, who is it?” Minnie’s mom appeared from behind her daughter, and her face lit up just like the girl’s did a few minutes before. They looked so much alike.

“Yuqi, dear!” She also hugged her, getting a smile out of her. It was funny, how much they looked alike. She loved it. “Look at you, you’re so grown!”

“And blonde.” Minnie added, a bit surprised.

“And blonde!” The woman sounded way more emotional that she should’ve, but she couldn’t blame her. Yuqi was like a second daughter to her, just like Minnie was to her parents, and seeing the two separating so abruptly must’ve been hard for their families as well. “Come inside. Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“Oh…” She ignored the way Minnie looked down on the ground, probably expecting her to just say no. “My girlfriend is meeting my parents tonight, but we could do tomorrow maybe?”

Minnie’s mother’s eyes filled up with tears while the woman kept nodding. “Tomorrow sounds lovely.” She gave her another hug before running back inside.

“Can we talk?”

She didn’t know when it happened precisely, but she wasn’t afraid anymore. Somewhere between the two family homes, she had lost all the anxiety she had felt at the idea of having to speak to her. All she could think about now was how much she wanted to fix the crack between them. It didn’t matter how much they hurt each other, just seeing her there, standing up in front of her, made her realize how much she had missed her.

She hadn’t stepped foot in Minnie’s backyard since that day more than two years before. It made her head spin. She would’ve lied if she said it didn’t hurt anymore, because it did, but the pain wasn’t as strong as it was before, and once she was able to keep her breath steady, it got easier.

She was the first one to sit down, exactly where she had felt her heart go into pieces for the first time. Minnie remembered, because she was a bit more hesitant to do the same.

“It’s okay.”

All she needed was Yuqi’s reassurance before she could join her.

“So you have a girlfriend, uh?” Her only response was a light smile, while she ripped a bit of grass with her bare hands. “I knew, I’ve seen the pictures.”

They never unfollowed each other, but Yuqi archived her chat for a whole year, and every time she saw one of her posts pop up she quickly skipped it. Once she started seeing Soyeon, she felt brave enough to watching Minnie’s pictures and even liking some of them.

She recently found out her and Miyeon were still together. She wasn’t indifferent about it, but it wasn’t the same feeling of the first time she found out. To be fair, she was mostly happy Minnie had found someone she loved. That’s what she assumed anyway, since they hadn’t broken up.

“I’m happy for you.” As if she read her mind, and maybe she still could, Minnie offered her the best sounding peace offering Yuqi had ever heard.

She felt her heart pounding. She thought so many times about what she should’ve told her when it came to it. She imagined herself cursing Minnie forever, hoping she’d never find someone like her. She imagined them saying goodbye forever. She even imagined to thank her for ruining her life forever, like a child. It was never what she actually ended up telling her.

“You were right.”

Because she was. She didn’t understand for a long time, she believed Minnie ruined everything for them, but thinking about it now, the distance between them seemed shorter than ever. If she reached with her hands, she could almost touch her. She wasn’t sure that would’ve been the outcome if they decided to date each other.

Yuqi needed the attention, she craved physical contact, she wouldn’t have survived the long distance. At the same time, if she did blindly follow her, it would’ve been like condemning their relationship to death at the start of it.

While now, in Minnie’s backyard, she felt hopeful for the first time in forever. She sensed everything would end up at the right place.

“You know I wasn’t lying, right?”

Curious, she turned to look at Minnie in the eyes.

“I did love you. I loved you so much.”

She did know. How could she not, she could always feel what Minnie felt, she couldn’t have been that wrong. They did love each other, they probably still did in a way, maybe they always would. But their love never stayed the same, it morphed and shaped as they were doing the same.

“How did you and Miyeon make it work?” Because, logically, if she did love her that much, she couldn’t have forgotten her so quickly.

“We broke up for a little bit. Well, almost a year. I… I couldn’t. But then I started to get better and she was still there, you know? She was so patient with me. I fell in love with her without even noticing.”

Hearing the tenderness in Minnie’s voice put a smile on Yuqi’s face. She had only heard it when it was directed to her, but knowing she had someone to be her sweet, caring self with just lifted every weight Yuqi was still carrying on her shoulders.

“I’m happy for you too.”

She stretched her hand towards Minnie. She took it immediately. “I missed you so much.” She was the first one to break, her voice cracking and her cheeks getting wet with tears, but it only took a moment for Yuqi to follow.

“I missed you too.” She sniffed, trying to clean her own face with the sleeve. “God, we’re such a mess.”

Minnie laughed, placing her head on her shoulder.

They stayed there for some time, just enjoying each other’s company, updating each other’s on everything they did in the last two years. It felt nice. It felt more than nice, it felt as warm as ever, like finally coming home after the longest of journeys.

The more they fell into the comfort of old habits, the more pieces Yuqi collected from the grass. By the end of the afternoon, she felt like she had her entire heart in her hands. She just needed to put the shards back together, little by little, but for the first time it seemed an easy job.

“See you tomorrow then?”

They stood up, lighter than they had felt since that day.

“Hm-mh.” She paused, watching Yuqi go, but then she called her again. “Hey, uh… is it okay if I publish Escape, one day?”

Yuqi turned around to look at her, finding it hard to hide the smirk that was forming on her lips. “If I get a fifty percent.”

“Twenty.”

“Fine, I’ll settle for forty.”

Minnie looked annoyed, but she also looked like she was about to burst laughing at any second. “Thirty-five.”

That’s when Yuqi started walking again, and only when she was far enough, she shouted a final “What? Forty? That’s perfect!” and she couldn’t hear Minnie’s reply anymore.

A few weeks later, she could tell Soyeon she loved her for the first time, and mean it with every fiber of her heart.