Chapter Text
Shen Bai roused when the city was still dark and only the ghostly moonlight ebbed through the paper windows. It was always so quiet in those odd hours. In the warmer months, he’d hear the distant chirping of crickets as they toiled away. But, as the new year approached, the world was deathly silent. It was all too still.
Shen Bai often found himself holding his breath in his moments after waking. It was as though he was afraid that even the slightest motion would shatter the illusion of the world in the time before dawn. As though his reality were as fragile as himself.
The sun rose slowly and its warm morning light crept over the palace walls. It still had a long way to climb before it could illuminate the grounds directly. But the palace stirred to life with just the gentle caress of sunlight. Shen Bai heard a few doors slide open, the pattering of feet, the clicking of hooves, a few hushed voices too far away and muffled to make out. It was only when the world began to stir that he allowed himself to breathe properly. Or as properly as his weak lungs would allow.
His mornings were routine, ritualistic. If he hadn’t woken on his own, he’d be roused then dressed in xuanduan¹. He’d be served a simple breakfast - typically juk² - so as to not impede his health. On good days, he’d be escorted to the Tower of Sacred Flame to greet his parents. Climbing so many stairs was deleterious. There were many times when he’d made his way up only a few stories before fainting. Fortunately, he’d little to worry about if - or rather, when - he collapsed as several servants were on hand to collect him.
Great care was taken to ensure he always had someone nearby. Such a someone was his childhood nanny - Tashi, a she-goat from the Tibetan mountains. She was prized for her knowledge in medicine though she preferred the art of fortune-telling. She had the habit of shaking her chim³ cup while in thought, often announcing her presence before she’d even entered a room.
Shen Bai could hear it now as well as the slow clicking of her heavy hooves on the marble. Her steps were not as light or hurried as the antelope but not quite as meandering as the pigs. Soon, she reached his bedchamber and, without bothering to announce her presence, allowed herself in. This did not offend Shen Bai nor did it surprise him. Their relationship was much more familial than it was feudal.
“Good morning, nana,” He greeted her, seemingly pulling her out of thought. She looked at him almost as though she were surprised to see him.
“Good morning, Shen-gongzi⁴,” She returned as she gave her chim cup one last shake before capping it. “How did you sleep?”
“As well as I usually do,”
“Poorly, then?” Shen Bai gave a small nod and she hummed, thinking. “Perhaps magnolia bark would work better. What do you think?”
“You’re the expert,” Shen Bai rebutted as he began to absentmindedly preen one of his wings.
“Well, my expert opinion is that we can give you as many different herbs as we like. But the true root of the issue lies in how much time you spend in this room of yours. You may keep your mind active with your studies but your body is being neglected.”
“It’s not a body so easily nurtured. You should know this.”
“And you should know not to give up.”
“I haven’t given up, I just-” Shen Bai started to argue but Tashi interrupted him.
“Then how about a stroll?”
“I haven’t greeted mother and father yet.”
“No need. They’re preparing for the ceremony this evening. There isn’t time for court and there won’t be for a while.”
“Ah, right,” Shen Bai looked away and to the paper windows, taking in the intricate lattice work as the light outside grew. “New Year’s already.”
“It’s hard to realize when you’re cooped up all the time. So let’s get out! See the city before it’s flooded with lights and music.” Tashi said enthusiastically as she came to rest a hoof on the bed Shen Bai was perched upon.
“But that’s when it’s most beautiful, is it not?”
“Yes but it’s certainly not when it’s most genuine. You must see it for how it truly is, when it’s not putting on airs.”
“I suppose, but I should study.”
“Your books will not leave you but the daylight surely will. We won’t be but an hour, maybe two. It’ll be good for you.”
“If you insist,” Shen Bai relented with a playfully dramatic sort of a sigh before smiling. Tashi helped him to his feet and guided him gently from his room. They navigated the ornamented halls. Servants stopped in their tracks and bowed their heads as they passed. Oftentimes, Shen Bai forgot his title as heir to the throne, the young lord of Gongmen. It was hard to imagine one as weak and sheltered as himself was privy to such a role. He wondered if he’d ever truly be fit to embody it.
Stepping outside, the cold air hit him hard. He had a good layer of down feathers to keep the heat in and his xuanduan certainly helped. But his face was not so well insulated nor were his feet. He fluffed his feathers and shrunk into himself to keep himself as warm as possible.
He stuck close to Tashi’s side as they made their way to one of the three bridges leading to the gatehouse. He stared down at the canal below as they crossed. He could make out the silhouette of several fish as they swam against the current. He wondered if they knew of the impending celebration, if they even cared to know. From his rather limited perspective, they seemed quite content to continue as they were - uninvolved and unbothered.
The gate to the palace had not yet been opened. A small crowd of servants eager to start their errands had collected. They were all caught off guard upon the realization Shen Bai had joined them in waiting. They bowed their heads, apologized, and stepped aside for him. The guards monitoring the gatehouse also caught onto this rather bizarre development and seemed to rush to get things in order. Soon, the heavy gate was unbarred and opened.
Shen Bai walked slowly, pacing himself so as to avoid agitating his lungs. It was a leisurely pace and perfect for someone with plenty of time. But, for the servants that insisted on following behind him out of a show of respect, it was tormentous.
“Please,” He finally addressed them, only a few meters out of the gate. “Go ahead.” The servants hesitated and looked among themselves for reassurance, reluctant to be rude. Eventually, they seemed to silently conclude that they were being given express permission and that it would be much more rude to argue or refuse. They rushed ahead with various “excuse me’s” and “thank you’s”. Shen Bai breathed a sigh of relief and Tashi placed a hoof on his shoulder as reassurance.
“You’ll have to forgive them,” Tashi started but Shen cut in before she could continue.
“Not at all. They’ve done nothing wrong.”
“What I mean is - they’re unaccustomed to you. They don’t yet know your habits and temperament. They only know the rituals of your parents.” Tashi explained as they continued walking.
“Unaccustomed? It’s been seventeen years.”
“They are not a part of your court, Shen-gongzi. They play no role in keeping your house or you yourself. They work strictly under your parents just as your court works strictly under you.”
“They’re entirely separate?” Shen Bai questioned.
“Yes,”
The word ‘why’ sat heavy on his tongue but he didn’t utter it. For, in truth, he knew. It’d become evident over the years through little things and his environment. His parents lived in a house on the eastside of the palace while he’d been allocated to the westside. They ate separately except on rare, important occasions. And when they did share a table, his parents kept their distance. When he was younger, he assumed that it was just part of being a lord, of keeping up an esteemed appearance. But, with enough time, it became apparent that his parents were afraid of him. Or, rather, his illness.
They could never bear to touch him. Or be within his presence too long. Shen Bai supposed he could understand. He struggled with even the simplest of physical activities, sometimes ending up bedridden for days on end. Such a thing would be devastating for them, especially his father.
But there was something so horrible about knowing they were afraid. So much so that they had to keep even their court from interacting with him. It worried him. It made the idea of a cure unimaginable, unattainable. It made death tangible.
Sometimes, he thought to greet death, to meet it halfway. It was difficult for him to see a point in living, in continuing to suffer. If he never got better, he’d never be able to fulfill his designated role. He’d only bring further disappointment to his parents, upon their name. But dying would produce the same result. And so, Shen Bai felt stuck. All he could do was continue as he always had - hoping and praying to someday get better, even just a little.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Tashi suddenly asked, pulling Shen Bai out of his spiraling thoughts. He’d failed to realize that she had stopped in her tracks to take in their surroundings. The streets were as crowded and bustling as the last time he’d dared to walk them. There were brightly colored lanterns strung above from every place someone might think to attach them to. Unattended, overly stocked pop-up stands only served to bottleneck and pack the crowd in. The air was thick with the aroma of fried food, teas, incense, and a hint of sulfur. There was the buzz that large crowds tend to make as every sound, big and small, amalgamates and becomes undistinguishable.
Shen Bai did not take well to crowds. Breath was hard to find in them. His long train of tail feathers were a prime tripping hazard, and made the agile weaving that was necessary for navigating through masses of animals horribly difficult. He was fortunate then to be granted the status necessary to part them. This one, however, seemed unruly and unyielding.
“How about some tea?” Tashi asked as she rejoined him at his side. She pointed to a small tea house just outside the worst of the crowd.
“Please,” Shen Bai replied, pulling his wings into himself, nervous and cold. Tashi fished around her satchel for her purse as they approached the tea house. She soon found it and presented it dramatically to show him she hadn’t forgotten it. Then, in the blink of an eye, the purse was no longer in her hoof. Shen Bai felt something brush over his train then flit across the corner of his eye.
“Oh! Well, there it goes,” Tashi said as she watched the thief run off, sounding almost amused.
“Nana, what are y- Don’t just let him take it!”
“Please, it’s a paltry sum,”
“That’s not the point! Ugh!” Shen Bai shoved past her, making to follow the thief into the crowd. He called for guards but - what luck - none seemed to be stationed nearby.
“Shen Bai, don’t!” Tashi called after him. Shen Bai ignored her as he pushed through the bustling crowd with some effort. It was near impossible to keep track of the cutpurse and maneuver through the street at the same time. From what he could make out, the culprit was a cat of some kind. The feline was smaller and much more agile than him. It seemed unlikely, if not impossible, he’d catch up. And even if he did, what could he manage to do?
All he really wanted was a good look at the culprit so that an accurate report could be given to the city guard. But even that seemed a monumental task and in desperate need of a miracle.
“Which way?” A gruff voice suddenly asked from behind. Shen Bai thought to glance behind himself but didn’t dare tear his gaze away from what little he could still see of the thief. He pointed a long primary feather forward.
“The cat?”
“Yes but who-” Shen Bai finally made to turn around as someone brushed past him quickly. They were nothing but a dark flash in his periphery, ducking into the crowd before him. Shen Bai could only assume it was a guard who’d heard him from afar. He thought to let them handle it and return to Tashi but he was far too caught up in the crowd now. He was forced forward with the flow of foot traffic and jostled about as others moved around him.
A new sound cut through the ambient buzz, catching his attention. A loud thump, thump, thump as well as a sort of scratching and clinking. He glanced around to try and locate its source. Then he found it. A large, dark-coated wolf was jumping from roof to roof, knocking roof tiles out of place. That was certainly a way to avoid the crowd. He watched as the wolf raced forward, leaping to and fro before suddenly diving down into the street. Shen Bai could hear the startled cries and shouts of passersby. The crowd dispersed and drew back as a loud yowl cut through the air.
Shen Bai moved into the new clearing, taking in a deep breath. Or trying to. He clutched at his stinging throat as he looked upon the scene before him. Gnashing teeth, snapping jaws, sharp claws catching the morning sun, dust and fur kicked up into the air, limbs tangled and everywhere. Two wolves were scrambling to apprehend the cat. Despite their obvious advantage in size, the cat was wily and flexible and gave them a run for their money. The cat managed to escape their grasp and dashed the nearest direction, dazed and desperate.
Unfortunately, that direction was toward Shen Bai. Startled, he flared up and shook his tail feathers out. The cat panicked and froze as he tried to assess the sudden, staring blockade before him. The wolves took the opportunity to seize him. The cat yowled in protest but settled upon realizing that the odds were stacked firmly against him.
Tashi’s purse was wrestled from him then pushed towards Shen Bai, into his chest. The pain of it hitting him was slight compared to what was already there. His chest ached, his lungs burned, his throat stung with each draw of icy breath - short and shallow as they were.
“Should be all accounted for,” One of the wolves said to him as the other searched the cat’s pockets.
“Thank..” Shen Bai struggled, mouth dry from panting. He swallowed thickly before trying again. “Thank you.”
“Whoa, hey, you alright?” The wolf asked, placing a heavy paw on his shoulder to steady him. “You don’t look so good.”
“What’s wrong with him?” The other asked, cocking a head towards them. The cat struggled beneath her while she was distracted but she kept him down with a shove. Shen Bai tried to speak, to voice that they had nothing to worry about but the words caught in his throat. He grasped at his throat, as if trying to soothe it externally.
“I don’t know - I think he might be sick or somethin’.” Tashi’s purse was taken from him before he could drop it. He swayed as he struggled but the wolf kept a steady grip on him. He brought Shen Bai closer so that he might support his growing weight with more ease. Shen Bai thought to turn away, to resist being pulled in so closely by a stranger. But his vision began to speckle and he knew better than to fight. It was far preferable to be held than to collapse in the street.
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Shen Bai woke with a start. Subconsciously, he knew it would be bad if he passed out in the street. But, as he took in his surroundings, he realized he was in his bedchamber. Though he was confused, he allowed himself to relax. He took in a deep breath and tried to still his quickened heartbeat.
“Ah, you’re awake.” Tashi’s familiar voice called, drawing his attention to the far side of the room. She was fiddling with a teapot, loading it with herbs. “And sooner than I thought. That’s good.”
“What time is it?” Shen Bai asked.
“The hour of Dog⁵ - it will be dusk soon.” She explained before pouring the teapot’s contents into a cup. “You’re lucky those pups came along. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had to carry you back myself.”
“They carried me here?” Tashi nodded. Shen Bai groaned and hid his face behind his wings. “How embarrassing.”
“You did it to yourself,” She teased. “They were quite concerned about you. And curious. They asked all sorts of questions. I think it was their first time seeing you! We really should give you more public appearances.” She rambled as she came to stand at his bedside.
“I don’t think collapsing in the street is the best way to start,”
“Not at all,” Tashi agreed as she helped him sit up.
“Tell me you gave them a proper thanks for the trouble.” Shen Bai said as he adjusted himself.
“Not at all,” Tashi repeated with a knowing smile. Shen Bai narrowed his gaze at her. “I told them you’d give it to them yourself.”
“Nana, why would you-”
“They seemed pleased by the idea. You should humor them a bit. They’re aspiring and hopeful - they look up to your father and mother and, by extension, you. Besides, I find them charming.”
“Do it yourself then,”
“Shen Bai,” She glowered down at him, her smile dropping.
“How will I even find them to thank them? And when might I have the time?”
“Questions, questions yet never any answers.” Tashi gave him another smile, this one more exasperated, then offered the cup. “Here, drink.”
“What’s in this one?”
“Cordyceps - good for the lungs.” Tashi watched him drink and took the cup from him once he was finished. Shen Bai clicked his tongue as he ran it along his palate, trying to place the flavor.
“It’s bitter,” He noted finally, face scrunched up.
“That’d be the royal jelly,” Tashi set the cup aside gently. “I stirred it in since we didn’t get the chance to give it to you this morning.” Shen Bai hummed in acknowledgment. Then Tashi gave him a long once over, knitting her thick brow.
“What, nana?” He prodded, growing nervous with her quiet inspection.
“How do you feel?” She asked.
“About as well as you might expect,”
“Shen Bai,” Tashi gave him a serious look - she wanted him to be specific.
“I’m tired but otherwise fine.” Shen Bai said, thought for a moment, then added, “Just fatigue.” Tashi hummed this time as she stroked her beard, hooves clicking over the beads.
“Maybe it’s best you sit out the reunion dinner,” She thought aloud. “As worried as your parents are, we shouldn’t push our luck with your health. We’re fortunate it’s just fatigue.”
“No,” Shen Bai argued. “I should go - since it is just fatigue. No reason to miss something like that.”
“Yishi⁶,” A voice called from outside the paper latticed door, startling the both of them.
“Enter,” Tashi replied as she turned to face whoever it was. The door slid open to reveal an antelope guard.
“How is-” He started before noticing Shen Bai’s gaze on him. He fumbled with his words, obviously caught off guard. He kneeled and bowed his head quickly, horns dipping dangerously low and threatening to scrape the floor. “Shen-gongzi.”
“You had a question?” Tashi prompted. The antelope lifted his head to look up at her.
“About the young lord,” He started, glancing nervously in Shen’s direction. “Shen-jun⁷ and Madam inquired about his condition. I see now he’s awake.”
“Indeed, I am.” Shen Bai said.
“And in need of an escort.” Tashi added. “What good timing.”
“Escort?” The antelope repeated, puzzled.
“To the reunion dinner,” Tashi explained. “At Shen Shirong⁸’s eastern house.” The antelope looked up as he thought.
“That’s just across the way, an escort isn’t necessary.” He said finally. Tashi gave him an awkward, concerned sort of smile. She approached him, pulled him aside, and spoke rather quietly. The antelope leaned in then seemed surprised, every little motion of his head exaggerated greatly by his large crown. As he nodded Shen Bai wondered how exhausting it must be to be weighed down by such things. Yet the antelope still carried himself with an air of grace, clumsy as he was with words.
Their private conversation seemed to conclude as Tashi returned to his bedside. She helped him out of bed. She steadied him when he swayed and gave him a worried look.
“I’m alright,” He reassured. “I’ll be fine. I have an escort.”
“He’s the real one I’m worried about.” Tashi admitted in a whisper.
The antelope excused himself to wait outside while Tashi dressed Shen Bai in new robes. A bixi¹⁰ was wrapped around his waist for formality, and a zhaoshan¹¹ was added for warmth. Shen Bai preened absentmindedly as she finished, smoothing his sleeves out over his shoulders.
“If you start to feel worse-” She started but Shen Bai interrupted.
“Come back here. I know, nana.”
“You’ve pushed yourself enough today. Chasing that cutpurse, what a silly thing to do.”
“I couldn’t just stand and watch it happen.” Shen Bai argued. “There were no guards around - he would have been lost in the crowd. He would have gotten away with it.”
“And he did!”
“What do you mean?”
“He ran off. The pups couldn’t drag him and you back.” Tashi explained, tone sad. “Tried as they might…” Shen Bai opened his beak to say something but no response seemed appropriate. To think the issue could have been solved if he simply hadn’t involved himself - it was hard for him to grasp. So, instead, he decided not to think about it. Not now, perhaps later. If he had to.
“I’ll see you after,” He said softly, pulling away from her.
“Shen Bai,” Tashi called to him.
“Yes?” He looked at her from over his shoulder.
“Don’t blame yourself,” She advised. Shen Bai didn’t reply.
He met the antelope, who’d spent his time fidgeting, in the hall. The guard perked up as he exited his bedchamber and bowed with his arms extended, hooves cupped inward. Shen Bai waited for him to lift his head before motioning for him to lead. The antelope skipped into his step, gait long and springy. It seemed he wanted to be done with this as quickly as possible. And Shen Bai couldn’t blame him. It was the beginning of the New Year’s celebrations - a time to be away from work and affairs, from the stilted duties of court. He was just a guard, there were a dozen others who could take over his post. He probably thought ‘Why me? Why today?’ But that was just the luck of the draw.
The door was opened for him and Shen Bai stepped outside to find the palace grounds dark with evening. The sky was pale yellow and bleeding orange as the sun set in the west. There was a sharper chill in the air than in the morning but the grounds were still warm from basking in sunlight. A few servants were working on lighting the lanterns they’d hung that morning. They talked loudly so that they might hear each other from across the way. Shen Bai listened to them discuss their evening plans as he was guided to his parent’s house.
His parent’s house and his own were mirror images of each other and sat directly across from one another. From what he recalled of his father’s explanation, it was a matter of feng shui. Their house was placed to the east for luck in health and family while his house was placed in the west for luck in children and their creativity. The whole of the palace was modeled to follow the teachings of feng shui and bring luck to all of Gongmen City.
Shen Bai supposed it was nice as he looked up at the Tower of Sacred Flame, aglow in the growing dusk and worthy of its namesake. The palace certainly made for a pretty picture. Full of symmetry and symbolism, the crown jewel of the city. But Shen Bai couldn’t help but wonder if all this posturing for luck was really worth anything. What good was luck for the family if they kept even their courts separate? What good was luck in health and children if their only son was sick from his first breath? And if their luck was poor, what did that mean for the city they sat upon?
Perhaps his family was born with poor luck and all this posturing was the only way they could have a morsel of the good. As ill as he was, Shen Bai was still alive. That was worth something.
He was led into his parent’s home where the antelope was relieved of his duties as escort by a handful of ducks. He recognized them as his mother’s ladies-in-waiting. They greeted Shen Bai with extended bows then continued the conversation they’d been having before his arrival.
“The Fang family are sure to make an appearance tonight!” One of them said excitedly. “It’s the year of the Snake after all.”
“I wonder if they’ll make a speech at the firework ceremony.” Another said. They continued to quack on about the idea as they led Shen Bai through the ornamented halls. There were potted plants around every corner, their leaves seeming to extend uninterrupted into the paintings surrounding them. Landscapes poured out onto the screens separating the rooms. He was led to a mural of Gongmen City from the far shore of the bay. Shen Bai recalled that it was commissioned by a renown artist of their time, one whose name he could never seem to remember. The Tower of Sacred Flame was pulled away from the harbor as the screens parted and he was brought inside.
His parents were already seated around a low table, talking amongst themselves. They fell silent as he entered and watched carefully as he bowed towards both of them in greeting. He seated himself slowly as the ducks he followed here brought him a cup and poured him some tea.
“Ginseng,” His mother, Madam Shen, said from across the table. “I asked for it specifically once I heard you’d be joining us.”
“Thank you, mother.” Shen Bai replied, cupping the drink with his primary feathers. His mother kept her eyes on him as if expecting something. Her eyes drifted to his cup and he realized what it was she wanted. He brought the cup up to his beak and took a quiet, deliberate drink. Madam Shen smiled at this and looked away from him, to his father.
“How are you feeling?” His father, Shen Shirong asked from the head of the table.
“I’m well,” Shen Bai answered.
“Really?” Madam Shen questioned, eyes wide.
“Yes?” Shen Bai said, confidence lacking in his voice.
“Your mother and I became quite concerned after hearing about the events of this morning.” Shen Shirong explained, his mother nodding along with each word. “So it’s surprising - if not entirely unbelievable - to hear that you’re well.”
Right, he should have expected them to question him about that. It wasn’t something so easily swept under the rug. Not when it was him.
“Collapsed in the street!” His mother exclaimed, wide sleeves making the movement of her arms seem much more theatrical. His father reached across the corner of the table to calm her. “After chasing a cutpurse, the work of a guard!” Her ladies-in-waiting, who’d lined up along the wall behind her, shifted awkwardly and averted their gaze.
“What your mother means is that we can’t seem to understand why you would do such a thing. It’s not your place as a lord to go running through the streets. Especially not when your health is so fragile.”
“I know better than anyone just how fragile my health is, father.” Shen Bai spoke up, catching his father off guard.
“Then why? Why do the work of a guard?” Madam Shen questioned.
“Because there were no guards around to do the work.”
“Nonsense. There are guards stationed all around the city.” Shen Shirong argued.
“It’s the New Year’s. I’m sure they’ve become lax with their responsibilities.”
“Well, what of the guards in your entourage? Surely they were present?” Madam Shen proposed, desperate for reasoning.
“Entourage?” Shen Bai repeated, the word foreign on his tongue. “I’ve no such thing.” His mother looked dumbfounded and turned to his father for an explanation.
“It’s true, he has no entourage. It wasn’t believed he needed one.”
“You left the palace unaccompanied?!” Madam Shen nearly shouted. Shen Bai flinched and she caught herself, softening her tone as she continued. “Have you any idea how dangerous that is?”
“Of course I do. I have firsthand experience after today. And I wasn’t unaccompanied - Tashi was with me. It was her idea.”
“That yishi,” His mother spat as if the word were poison on her tongue. “She was entrusted with your care and this is what she does? Bringing you out into the damp and cold of winter, having you run amok with criminals? It’s unacceptable.”
“She didn’t force me. I wanted to go.”
“You said it was her idea,”
“She simply proposed it. I acted on it.”
“She shouldn’t propose such things!”
“I agree.” His father chimed in. “If this is how she intends to care for you, I don’t believe she’ll continue to be of good use to us.”
“What are you saying?”
“We’ll have her replaced. There are plenty of excellent yishi in this province alone. By the end of the celebrations we’ll have a new one attending you.” Shen Shirong explained with a wave of his wing as if dismissing the thought of Tashi entirely. Shen Bai slammed his cup down onto the table hard enough to make the other dishes clatter. This startled his mother and agitated his father.
“How dare you,” Shen Bai started quietly but raised his voice as he continued. “How dare you suggest such a thing.”
“You dare speak back to your father, Shen Bai?” His father questioned, testing the extent of his outburst. To his displeasure, Shen Bai continued.
“I dare to speak up for what I think is right! This talk of replacement is unjust and uncalled for, and I won’t hear it. Because of my actions, because of the failure of your guard to tend to their duties, you’d replace the woman that raised me?”
The room fell deathly quiet save for the shocked gasp of one of the ducks. She covered her bill and hoped she wasn’t heard. The doors slid open and a parade of pigs brought in a new round of dishes. Shen Bai was grateful for the interruption - he didn’t like the look on his father’s face. He’d never spoken back to his parents, not in such a serious way at least. It was an invigorating feeling. It pricked at his skin and made his feathers stand on end but it also left a horrible weight in his gut. That’s the shame, he figured. Shame, anger, and some pride coming together to form a horribly terrific emotional cocktail. One that left him on a high and made him want to move to get it out. But ended with a sinking plunge, making him want to cower until it was over.
The feeling stayed with him through dinner. He pondered over the idea of leaving, of returning to his house and hiding away in his bedchamber. His parents would never bother to follow him there, not to the place of sick and ill omen. But part of him latched onto the idea of staying, of proving his point and keeping his pride. And that part of him won out.
The same antelope guard that had escorted him earlier came in to whisper something to his father. Shen Shirong nodded but said nothing, and shortly thereafter their reunion dinner ended. Shen Shirong excused himself and Shen Bai thought to take his leave as well but his mother stopped him.
“Come pray at the temple with us,” She said. By the tone of her voice, it wasn’t an invitation but rather a command. Shen Bai had done enough arguing with her for the century so he nodded in silent agreement.
“Wait for us outside,” Madam Shen said before turning to her ducks in a row. “Attend to him.” And with that she left.
Shen Bai was guided back through the halls, not bothering to appreciate the art this time. His mind was cluttered with other, more pressing matters. He wondered if perhaps, despite his protest (or rather because of it), his parents would go through with replacing Tashi. By the way his father spoke of the matter, he seemed to have put thought into the process. It seemed as though he’d been thinking about it for a while, and today was the final straw. Or perhaps it was his mother’s idea. She seemed to have a sort of deep seeded disdain for Tashi, as if she’d robbed her of something.
The cold of the evening was a welcomed relief from how stuffy dinner had become. The sky was fully dark now and the stars dazzled brilliantly like pearls cast upon dark silk. It was a clear night, the only clouds in sight were from his breath.
In the courtyard, palanquins were being readied. The servants seemed to be deciding on their positions for the parade. There was shouting but it wasn’t angry, simply loud because they needed to be heard.
“Do you think we’ll be a part of the entourage?” Shen Bai overheard one of the ducks ask.
“Of course,” Another said. “We’ll march behind Madam Shen.”
“You follow her everywhere, don’t you?” Shen Bai chimed in, surprising the ducks.
“Yes, it’s our duty.” One of them answered.
“Forgive me, it may not be my place to ask, Shen-gongzi.” Another, younger looking duck started as she stepped forward. The others stared at her as though she were committing some unspeakable act.
“Go on,” Shen Bai encouraged, curious.
“Why is it you go without an entourage?” She asked before being elbowed by the duck beside her.
“I didn’t know I had the choice to have one.” He answered honestly, surprising the flock. Realizing he wasn’t agitated with the question, the girls spoke a bit more freely with him.
“Do you not leave the palace often?”
“Do you want to?”
“Are you forbidden from doing so?” Shen Bai was taken aback by the sudden barrage of questions but he tried his best to keep up with them.
“I don’t but it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just not in the best condition - walking wears me out quickly. And I don’t believe I’m forbidden but that might change after tonight…”
“Will you curate an entourage?”
“Curate?” Shen Bai repeated.
“Uh, yes, curate. You pick and choose members from your court to accompany you. Madam Shen selected each of us for our individual skills.”
“And devout loyalty.” Another added.
“I suppose I’ll need to, won’t I?”
“Might I recommend my sister? She’s very diligent and thorough!”
“My cousin is quiet and works quickly!” A stream of recommendations poured out from the flock, all claiming nothing but good traits of their relatives and friends. Then some in-fighting began about whose recommendation was better suited for the task. Shen Bai tried to settle them but they were adamant to continue. But, as the doors opened behind them, they fell silent and filed back into a neat row.
His mother and father joined them outside as well as a couple pigs. The pigs took up lanterns to light the path as they were guided to the temple. The temple sat against the northeast wall behind the tower. It was a small building but well attended to. Shen Bai rarely visited it but he knew his mother tended to frequent it. She finds comfort in prayer, Tashi had told him. Rituals were important to her, they kept things orderly. She liked to have a place for everything and to have everything in its place. And that, Shen Bai supposed, was partly why she’d been upset to find he’d ventured out. He’d fallen out of place.
A daoshi¹¹ greeted them and invited them inside. He was an old fox, his whiskers crinkled and his red fur paling. His tail brushed the floor as he walked, and he walked with his back hunched. He’d been tending to the temple for as long as Shen Bai could think to remember. It was a cushy life being a man of the cloth in a palace. He needed only worry over one family, and the offerings were rich and generous. He had plenty to eat and drink, and he could afford any texts he might like to study.
He chanted for them while they made their offerings and prayed. His voice was croaky but steady - an easy distraction for Shen Bai. He didn’t much care for temples or offerings or prayers. And he didn’t much care for the gods they were dedicated to. He didn’t believe they were doing him any favors or granting him any blessings. For years he prayed and gave countless offerings and he was offered nothing in return. So he’d given up on them just as they had him. Still, he went along with acting to keep his mother happy.
He heard her mumbling beside him, begging for continued prosperity and health. Shen Bai hoped, for her sake, the gods would listen.
When they were finished, the daoshi approached him with a kind, worn out smile.
“You’ve grown so tall, Shen-er-gongzi¹².” He praised.
“Maybe but it might just seem that way with how you’ve shrunken.” The fox laughed then held out his paw towards Shen Bai. Shen Bai hesitated but offered his wing. The fox placed something upon his primary feathers, something small but shiny. Shen Bai brought it closer to inspect it. It was a coin of some sort, made of silver and engraved with characters he didn’t recognize.
“What is it?” Shen Bai asked.
“An old talisman,” The daoshi explained. “It’s served me well but I think you might get better use out of it. It’ll keep you safe from misfortune and evil spirits - like the Nian¹³!”
“Oh, uh, thank you.” Shen Bai said, slipping the coin in his sleeve.
“Keep it on you and you’ll be alright,” The fox finished with a wave. Shen Bai nodded and left. He wasn’t sure he believed in the power of talismans or evil spirits. But there was great belief in his family that the Nian was real and prevalent.
When he was younger, he was often told stories about the beast. The Nian was said to hibernate in the sea and crawl forth during the New Year’s. The Nian would be starving and eat anyone and everyone it could find, gorging itself before returning to the sea to slumber. His ancestors devised ways to ward it off and save the villagers. Once the villagers were no longer being annually devoured, they were able to prosper. The village grew and Gongmen City came to be with the peacocks to thank.
Of course, he’d never seen the beast. No one had for nearly seven centuries. At least, no one credible. There were children that claimed to see the Nian in the distant mountains or the odd traveler with a scary yarn to spin. So Shen Bai wondered if the Nian was just as real as the gods in heaven - far away and irrelevant to everyday life.
Outside, he found Tashi waiting for him. His parents gave her sour looks but didn’t stop her from approaching him.
“Nana, what are you doing here?”
“I came to check in on you.” She said before lowering her voice. “Your parents seemed displeased. Did something happen at dinner?”
“Uh, a misunderstanding.” Shen Bai answered vaguely. “I might have spoken out of line.” Tashi pulled a nasty face.
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired, more so than earlier.”
“Perhaps you should sit out the ceremony then. It will be a long one.”
“No, no, I shouldn’t. Things are tense enough already. This is important. I’ll see to it.”
“I’ll accompany you then.” Shen Bai was comforted by the idea. With the threat of having Tashi taken from him, he wanted to keep her as close to him as possible. In reality, there was little he could do to protect her from his parents’ will but he would hold onto her as long as he could.
They made their way to where the servants had lined up the palanquins and practiced their positions. Shen Bai was helped into his palanquin and the sheer silk curtains were drawn. Several pigs began to bang on heavy drums, creating a beat for the parade to march to. It was a resounding pulse that echoed off the palace walls and drowned out Shen Bai’s own racing heartbeat. The palanquins were hoisted up carefully and, slowly, they began to move forward.
The gate was opened wide for them and the guards tending the gatehouse waved down at them as they passed. There were several guards keeping the crowd of citizens that had gathered outside from rushing towards them. The crowd extended well into the street with animals ever eager to see the procession. They cheered as they followed the parade into the city. Confetti and flower petals were rained down onto them from balconies. A lion dancer group joined them at their helm. They made the vibrant puppet jump out at the crowd, earning excited screams.
All kinds of music flooded around them as they went through the streets. It was hard to hear much of anything but Shen Bai could make out a howl as it cut through the noise. He looked around for its place of origin before spotting a couple familiar faces in the dense crowd.
“The pups!” Tashi shouted from below.
“Let them through! I want to thank them!” Shen Bai called down to her. Tashi caught the attention of the guard beside her. The guard bent down to have her speak directly into her ear. Tashi pointed towards the pups. The guard glanced up at Shen Bai who nodded. The guard motioned to the wolves who lunged forward excitedly.
“Young lord! It’s good to see you again!” The she-wolf exclaimed. Shen Bai leaned down so that he might hear them a bit clearer.
“Auntie was real worried about you! We didn’t think we’d see you tonight!” The other wolf shouted, gesturing to Tashi. They tripped over each other as they tried their best to keep up with the palanquin.
“It’s thanks to you two that I’m here! I’m very grateful for what you did!”
“We just did what’s right!”
“We couldn’t just standby,”
“Maybe, but-” Shen Bai was cut short as the palanquin jostled. The wolves were torn away from the palanquin as the parade turned a corner. A bottleneck squeeze had formed in the crowd and they couldn’t push past easily. They waved to him and Shen Bai waved back before he lost sight of them.
The parade flowed down through the city like a vibrant, loud stream. Finally, they reached the harbor where a grand stage had been set up. A large band was already playing as they made their arrival. The parade slowed then stopped and the palanquins were settled. Tashi helped Shen Bai exit, offering a hoof to steady him as he stood. He was guided towards the stage where he joined his parents.
Shen Bai had played through this ceremony a dozen times now. Each time it was the same with little variation. His father would give a speech, his mother would give a blessing, they’d light the first of the fireworks for the display, and Shen Bai would stand still and watch quietly. That was the extent of his part and it was one he was content with. He hadn’t the breath for long-winded speeches or blessings, and anyone could light the fireworks. One day he’d have to. He’d inherit that responsibility along with a long, long list of others. But, for now, he’d simply watch from the sidelines.
His long train was left to spill out over the steps beside him. It wasn’t a natural position for them. Usually, they were folded neatly behind him but this made for a prettier picture. The moment his train grew in, he was taught to display it. Like a decorative, embellished fan, it was more so an accessory than a part of him.
Shen Shirong did the same though his feathers were much longer and a riot of colors. From emerald and chartreuse, to cerulean and cobalt - all iridescent and brilliant. A sharp contrast from Shen Bai’s pale and bloody sheet.
Shen Bai stared out into the growing crowd as more and more animals poured into the square. It was hard not to feel nervous with so many eyes looking up at him, watching his every subtle move. He supposed it was a similar feeling the cat had had that morning, staring into the hundred eyes of his fan. Uncomfortable, uneasy, unsure.
His father spoke loudly, projecting his voice as he addressed the citizens of Gongmen. Shen Bai paid little mind to the words but was rather captivated by the rise and fall of Shen Shirong’s breast. He was able to speak so much in a single breath. His voice never faltered, he never had to stop and allow his lungs to rest. He very well could have talked them through the night if he so pleased. Shen Bai wondered how freeing it must be to live without constantly fighting for your next breath. To not have to plan each action, each word carefully - to make the air count for something.
Shen Shirong ended with a word about continued prosperity and gave thanks to the people for their efforts. The audience cheered and clapped as his father stepped aside for his mother. Madam Shen lacked a train to display but she made up for it with meters and meters of fine silk, dyed and embroidered to catch the light in tantalizing ways. Shen Bai often wondered how she managed to move so elegantly while drowning in fabric. Years of practice, he assumed. She spread out her wings and her long sleeves followed in waves. They were more like curtains than sleeves with the way they draped over her.
His mother’s voice was softer but still easily heard. Shen knew she could be louder, he knew the way she could shout, even shriek. But her image was a graceful one - her voice needed to reflect that.
She said something about the heavenly court, how they were watching over the city and would continue to do so. Shen Bai wondered if it was frustrating for the hard-working people to have their efforts praised as the will of the gods. Shen Bai certainly would. Or maybe it was nice? To do such a good job people think it’s a miracle? But the gods weren’t the ones getting their hands dirty, were they?
Madam Shen clapped when she finished her blessing then threw her sleeves back behind her so as not to trip on them. A goose came forward, presenting his parents with a smoldering pipe. Shen Shirong took it and the goose bowed before leaving the stage. But, instead of getting on with lighting the fireworks, his mother motioned to him.
This wasn’t rehearsed, he thought. He hesitated, something he was never supposed to do when in front of the people. He was supposed to be the image of confidence, to have every step planned. To hesitate meant to be without the qualities of a leader.
When Shen Bai finally moved, he moved too quickly, nervously. He overcorrected as he fell into a slower stride, a change in gear the crowd surely noticed. He reached his parents with a million questions - most of them a simple “why?” - but he held his tongue.
“Why don’t you do us the honor this year, Shen Bai?” His mother said in a whisper, not that anyone could overhear with the boom of the drums. The rhythm was slow, building up the anticipation for the display.
“We didn’t rehearse this,” Shen Bai said.
“There’s nothing to rehearse. Just light the wick, the fireworks will do the rest themselves.” His father explained, offering him the pipe. He heard a murmuring in the audience and there was a great urge in him to glance down to his right. He wanted to know what they thought of this, whether they approved of such a sudden change. Shen Bai thought better of it. Seeking validation was the last thing he needed to do now lest what little reputation he had be squandered.
He bowed his head as he took the pipe from his father, and the sudden cheering had his head reeling. He swallowed thickly before turning to the crowd to present the pipe. A bit of theatrics was necessary to make up for his hesitation. He had to pretend this was all planned out, that he knew what he was doing. He turned away from them, back toward his parents who offered reassuring nods. And finally, as he turned toward the fireworks themselves, he realized he’d never done this.
Not once had he handled a flame. Every light he ever needed was lit for him. Open flames were hidden away behind decorative shades to dim them. He never felt their heat, smelled smoke, nor became mesmerized by their glow. His whole world was dedicated to celebrating the brilliance of fire and its abilities yet it was foreign to him.
He brought the pipe up to meet the wick and realized his wings were shaking. Why that was, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t think he was afraid but perhaps there was some instinctual part of him that told him ‘this is dangerous’. Maybe it was the feeling of ten thousand eyes on his back. Maybe it was the shared anticipation of waiting. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter when the wick caught. The smolder wound up quickly, finding its way to the gunpowder hidden behind colorful paper. A shrill noise escaped it and it shot forth, breaching the dark sky with a trail of smoke. A bang and the water was bright red as the image of a winding serpent illuminated the horizon. The serpent faded as the gunpowder burned itself out and embers fell into the harbor.
It was a dazzling display but it was much more amazing when put on by one’s own hands. Shen Bai felt a great thrill as the boom of the firework faded and the eruption of applause and fast beating of drums replaced it. Shen Bai took in a deep breath as he savored the moment. But sulfur was thick in the air and it caught in his throat. He coughed and clutched at his chest. Someone pulled at him from behind and he relinquished himself. He returned the pipe to his father before being guided quickly off stage and away from the crowd. Only once he was seated did he realize it was Tashi.
“A lungful of smoke will do wonders for you,” She joked as she offered him her bamboo canteen. He drank from it generously, desperately trying to soothe his burning throat.
“Face the harbor,” Tashi advised, gently pushing him to turn. “The air is fresher over the water.” She rubbed circles into the Fenghuang¹⁴ crest over his back, trying to soothe whatever tension he had so that he could just focus on breathing.
Tashi had brought him to the shore where the waves lapped at the edge of the square. Tried as it might, the water always fell short. The fireworks continued overhead with momentary lapses between each. There was never a quiet moment with the music and cheering but, being so close, Shen Bai could hear the waves. Tashi was right - the air was fresher. The breeze was cool and humid, and smelled of salt. Soon, his chest had settled and he drew in breath easily.
“Better?” Tashi asked from behind him.
“Yes, thank you.” He answered, returning her now empty canteen.
“I was surprised they allowed you to light the fireworks,” She admitted.
“As was I. It wasn’t something we discussed.”
“Really?” She peeked at him from over his shoulder. Shen Bai shook his head. “And to be given such an honor after an argument. Curious.” She had a playful lilt in her voice, one that raised questions in Shen Bai.
“There you are!” A voice called from above. Shen Bai looked up to find faces that were becoming increasingly familiar. The wolves were standing on the street overlooking the square, leaning over the stone wall to look at them. Their tongues hung loosely from their maws as they panted.
“Are you stalking us?” Tashi questioned teasingly.
“I wouldn’t put it like that,” The she-wolf argued.
“More like tracking you!” The wolf exclaimed, tongue lolling.
“Does that really make it any better?” Shen Bai asked but he couldn’t help but smile.
“It seemed like you had more to say earlier. Then you ran off so we thought we’d look for you.” The she-wolf explained.
“You’re pretty easy to find,” The wolf added.
“I suppose I’m hard to miss,” Shen Bai agreed, glancing down at his train. “Please, I still don’t know your names.”
“Hu Li,” The she-wolf answered, pressing a paw to her chest. Then she motioned to the wolf beside her. “This is my younger brother, Hu Zhong.”
“Younger? By what, a minute?”
“Three minutes, thank you very much!”
“You’re siblings?”
“Twins,” Hu Li corrected, wrapping a sturdy arm around her brother’s neck.
“Can’t you see the resemblance?” Hu Zhong asked, gesturing between himself and his sister.
“To be frank, I haven’t had the chance to get a good look at either of you until now.” Shen Bai refuted.
“That’s fair, I guess.” Hu Zhong replied.
“Care if we join you?” Hu Li asked.
“Haven’t you already?” Tashi pointed out.
“Another fair point!” Hu Li said, kicking a crooked leg over the railing and sliding over. She let herself hang for a moment before dropping, bushy tail wagging as she landed.
“There has to be a better way to get down there,” Hu Zhong said, assessing the drop before him.
“Sure,” Hu Li called up to him. “If you feel like navigating that crowd, be my guest! But I guarantee you this’ll save you an incense time¹⁵.” Hu Zhong thought for a moment, huffed a sigh, and slid over the railing. He didn’t possess anywhere near the amount of grace his sister did. He struggled to keep his grip and fell hard. Shen Bai winced at the sight and Hu Li let out a low “oooh” before sucking in through her teeth.
“Are you alright?” Shen Bai asked, standing up to offer Hu Zhong his wing.
“Oh yea,” Hu Zhong replied, baring his teeth as he dropped a heavy paw into Shen Bai’s grasp. Shen Bai leaned back but his weight wasn’t nearly enough to do anything useful. Hu Zhong ended up pulling himself up using what little leverage Shen Bai offered.
“Wooow!” Hu Li exclaimed before continuing with a teasing tone directed at her brother. “Who would’ve thought? The scum of the earth getting picked up by a prince. Must be a miracle.”
“Prince?” Shen Bai repeated. “I’m nothing close to a prince.”
“Might as well be in our eyes,” Hu Zhong said, pulling his paw away as though he were ashamed of it.
“Sorry, you’ll have to forgive me. I shouldn’t act so casually.” Hu Li apologized, suddenly rather serious. “In truth, I don’t know the first thing about formalities.”
“You’re like a completely foreign object,” Hu Zhong added, not really thinking through his words. “Washed up on the shore for us to find.”
“That was oddly poetic but also totally offensive, you idiot.” Hu Li whispered to him.
“I could say the same about you,” Shen Bai replied, failing to take offense.
“You don’t get out much, do you?” Hu Li questioned.
“Not at all,” Tashi answered for him with a laugh. “I’ve a favor to ask of you.”
“We’re all ears,” Hu Zhong said, ears perking up. The wolves leaned down to listen as Tashi began speaking quietly to them. It was obvious she was planning something but Shen Bai had no real clue as to what. She retrieved a small box from her sleeve, handing it to Hu Li.
“That’s it?” She asked, sounding surprised.
“You got yourself a deal, auntie!” Hu Zhong extended his paw towards Tashi but Hu Li pushed it back.
“No catch?”
“No catch,” Tashi reassured. “Just keep him safe. I’ll be nearby if you need anything. You obviously know how to find me.”
“Nana, what are you doing?” Shen Bai finally spoke up.
“Arranging you some well-needed fun,” She explained though it did little to quell his questions.
“Come along, little prince!” Hu Li rushed towards him, hooking her arm under one of his wings. “The night’s still young!”
“Nana!” Shen Bai called to Tashi over his shoulder but she simply waved at him with a knowing smile.
Hu Li dragged him into the edge of the crowd, avoiding the worst of the fray. Hu Zhong was behind him, doing his best to not trip over Shen Bai’s train. They went unnoticed for the most part though a few strangers recognized Shen Bai as he passed. They gasped and pointed but nothing more. Shen Bai wondered if he were being kidnapped and, if that were the case, would no one really care to step in?
Tashi put them up to this, Shen Bai reasoned. It can’t be malicious. It’s - what? - “some well-needed fun”?
“Where are we going?” Shen Bai asked as they reached the street proper.
“Haven’t really thought about it yet,” Hu Li admitted, ducking behind a pig.
“We could go anywhere with him,” Hu Zhong said with a big, toothy smile. “Gongmen’s our oyster.”
“Oh, oh! I’ve always wanted to go to that fancy tea house. The one with the tree.”
“Yang’s?”
“Yang’s~!”
“Do you think they’re open?”
“Augh, probably not!”
“What about Jin Jiang? Eh, ginger tofu?”
“Ooh, don’t they have a balcony? We can watch the display while we eat. Do you think they’ll let us sit up there though?”
“They’ll give us any seat we want!”
Shen Bai listened to them list off every restaurant imaginable as they weaved through the bustling street with practiced ease. He pondered what role he could possibly play in all this when he was presented like a prize to the proprietor of Jin Jiang. The vixen was completely lost for words as she mentally scrambled to make sense of how the young lord of Gongmen had managed to find his way into her establishment.
“Table for three!” Hu Zhong shouted.
“On the balcony!” Hu Li added.
The vixen hesitated but, with a gruff cough from Hu Zhong, she geared into motion. She escorted them up a flight of stairs and to the extravagant balcony overlooking the harbor. They had a clear view of the square and its stage as well as the ongoing fireworks. They echoed off the distant mountains and reflected brilliantly off the dark water. There were several ships of varying shapes and sizes drifting by. They were aglow with lanterns and their sails changed colors with each explosion.
Hu Li rushed to the edge of the balcony, nearly throwing herself over the railing as she peered over it.
“There’s so many people,” She said before shouting down into the street. “Happy new year’s, everyone!” There were some resounding cheers from the street’s passersby. Hu Li’s tail started wagging faster, if that was even possible. Shen Bai wondered if it might just fall off with the way it thrashed about.
“What are we doing here?” Shen Bai asked as he noticed the other patrons’ eyes on him.
“Eating, of course!” Hu Zhong replied before guiding him towards the nearest available table and offering him a seat.
“You dragged me away from the ceremony.. To eat?”
“We didn’t drag you away, you ran from it.” Hu Zhong pointed out as he plopped down across the table. He turned to the vixen who was waiting nearby, staring at this spectacle. “Bring us the house special and your finest bottle of baijiu!¹⁶”
“I didn’t run - I was just catching my breath.” Shen Bai argued, offended.
“That’s right,” Hu Zhong relented. “Auntie mentioned you had something wrong with you.”
“I wouldn’t put it like that,” Shen Bai huffed as he hesitantly took his seat.
“Of course you wouldn’t - you’re a prince!” Hu Zhong leaned back in his chair, pushing it onto two legs and balancing.
“A lord,” Shen Bai corrected.
“Same difference,” Hu Zhong argued casually, wobbling.
“They’re not the same at all. I don’t have nearly the amount of responsibility-”
“Is that- Hey! Is that Fang Mei?” Hu Li shouted her question despite only being a few feet away. She pointed excitedly down at the square. There was a lull in the fireworks as a viper took to the stage. Her body moved as though she were dancing as she slithered up the stairs. Shen Bai watched his mother greet the serpent and offer her center stage. It was hard to hear her from their place on the balcony but it was clear she was putting on a speech.
“Is it just her? What about her brother?” Hu Zhong asked, allowing his chair to fall back onto four legs with a thud.
“Fang Guiying moved up north,” Shen Bai explained, catching the wolves' attention. “You didn’t know?”
“Of course we didn’t know! When did that happen?” Hu Li asked, pushing away from the railing to approach the table.
“I’m not sure? Months ago?” It was news he heard offhandedly from Tashi. He couldn’t recall the details and he doubted Tashi knew them all to begin with.
“No one’s heard anything from the Fang for ages.” Hu Zhong added as he continued to watch the square.
“They’re not fond of public appearances,” Shen Bai said matter-of-factly.
“Guess you’re alike in that way, huh?” Hu Zhong glanced at him, a crooked smirk tugging at his jowls.
“Why’d Fang Guiying leave Gongmen? Don’t the Fang have some kind of pact with your family?” Hu Li questioned, finally sitting down.
“It’s not a pact, it’s a treaty. They’ve no obligation to us other than mutual peace-keeping.” Shen Bai recalled the extensive history lessons he’d received over the years. The Shen and Fang were enemies in dynasties long passed. It was a gruesome feud, one that led to nothing but tragedy for both families. Eventually, they realized they’d have to sort their differences or see an end to their lineage.
“Really? I heard you use them for assassinations.” Hu Li said in a hushed voice, leaning over the table so she might be heard. Shen Bai scoffed at the idea.
“Who told you that nonsense?”
“Everyone,” She said. “Well, everyone we know.”
“I’d suggest expanding your social circle.” He advised with a smirk. Hu Li laughed.
“That’s rich coming from a royal shut-in! Oh, sorry! I spoke out of line,” Li threw an exaggerated paw over her snout before continuing into mock pleading. “Pleeease, don’t have me assassinated by your shadowy, serpentine agents!”
“Li, shut up,” Hu Zhong spat.
“Is that any way to talk to your jiejie¹⁷?” Hu Li asked, playfully leaning into her brother. Hu Zhong ignored her and she retaliated by blowing air up at his whiskers. She did this a few times until Hu Zhong drew his lips back into a snarl. Hu Li bared her own mouthful of sharp teeth and Shen Bai worried they would fight. A low, guttural sound came from the both of them. Soon, Shen Bai realized they were growling. When they snapped their jaws at each other, Shen Bai thought to say something.
But, before things could escalate further, the vixen returned with a bottle and a large platter. She laid them out on the table and the wolves sat up, their quarrel completely forgotten. Shen Bai watched as they began to help themselves without an ounce of hesitation. They ate as if they had been starved for a week prior. They had no sense of manners and ate too quickly to properly chew. It was as if they were afraid that the plate of ginger tofu would be snatched away from them at any moment. It was detrimental that they had their fill before that could happen.
And fill they had. The plate wasn’t snatched from them - Shen Bai didn’t even have a bite. He’d had plenty to eat at the reunion dinner. Besides, watching them was nauseating. Eventually, they slowed down and even stopped. Hu Li produced a ceramic jar from the bag she kept at her waist and took a moment to scoop whatever was left of their meal inside.
“What’s that for?” Shen Bai asked.
“Leftovers,” Li answered, closing the lid before tying a length of twine around it. “For mama.”
“Your mother gets your scraps?”
“Yea?” Hu Li raised a brow at him.
“She’ll be happy to eat something as nice as this,” Hu Zhong explained.
“She didn’t eat yesterday so she’ll be really happy.”
“Are you keeping her prisoner?” Shen Bai was half-joking but part of him thought that might just be the case.
“What? No!” Hu Li shouted, clutching at her jar. “She’s just stubborn!”
“She refuses to eat until we do. We have to practically force her to eat.”
“I don’t understand,” Shen Bai admitted.
“Ugh!” Li groaned, frustrated. “Of course you wouldn’t! You eat five course meals three times a day off a silver spoon. You probably gorge yourself on ginger tofu everyday. And you don’t even have to work for it!”
“Li,” Hu Zhong called to her like it was a warning. “Take that home. Make sure mama eats it.” Hu Li hesitated like she wanted to say something more but she bit her tongue. She shoved away from the table as she stood up, making the dishes clatter.
“Goodnight,” She said, tone sour as she left.
“I’m sorry,” Hu Zhong offered as he watched her go. “She’s, uh, she’s usually-” He struggled for the words. He sighed and set his elbows on the table before leaning his head down and rubbing behind his ears.
“I didn’t mean to offend her,” Shen Bai said.
“Offend her?” Hu Zhong lifted his head to look at him. “You’re the one that should be offended.”
“Probably,”
“Absolutely!”
“She’s right though. Well, partially. I don’t eat five course meals and I certainly don’t gorge myself. But I also don’t work for any of my meals.”
“You’re honestly not offended?” Hu Zhong couldn’t seem to believe it.
“No, not really. I obviously struck a chord. Maybe she spoke out of turn, said too much out of anger. I’ve done the same. Who hasn’t? And what would it matter anyway? I’m not a real lord, not yet. I’ve no authority over anything.”
“You won’t tell your father?” Shen Bai chortled.
“Tell him what? That my childhood nanny sent me off to play with a couple wolves? That I got my feelings hurt? No, they’d sooner hang Tashi than do anything to you.”
“Gods, what a relief!” Hu Zhong exclaimed, bowing his head.
“Huh?”
“Sorry, I just- I thought you’d be pissed.”
“Pissed?” Shen Bai repeated, the word foreign on his formal tongue.
“Look, Li is- She’s impulsive but she’s honest. It can get her into trouble but she means well. She’s the reason we’ve met each other. It was her idea to give chase to that cat and help you out. She cares a lot and she has all these big ideas about doing her part to make Gongmen better.”
“Her part?”
“Yea,” Hu Zhong said with a breathy laugh. “She, uh, she wants to become a guard. But it’ll never happen.”
“Why not?”
“Our father was a criminal,”
“Oh,” Shen Bai let out, surprised.
“Yea, oh.” Hu Zhong agreed with a sigh, looking dejected. “Everyone looks down on us, like we committed his crimes for him. It’s hard to find steady work. No one wants to hire a criminal’s kid. We’re not trustworthy ‘cause of our bad upbringing. Nevermind the fact we never really knew our old man. When we do find work, it’s short lived. Sooner or later, they find out through gossip and we’re out of work again.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Shen Bai offered, though he knew the gesture was worth little. His words couldn’t put food on their table.
“Sometimes - well, a lot of times - things are pretty rough. You can get desperate when you’re hungry and hateful when you’re wronged. But we’re dedicated to not crossing the same line as our father. People might treat us like criminals but that doesn’t mean we actually have to be them.”
“With how you helped me today, I would have never thought…” Shen Bai admitted.
“Well, that’s the point. We’re working our tails off trying to rebuild an image we never tarnished ourselves. Hopefully, with enough time, people will think differently of us. Things will get better - they have to get better. If they don’t, we're as good as dead.”
Suddenly, Shen Bai felt seen, understood down to his core. His struggles were not the same as the Hu but the way they felt about them was. Shen Bai clung to hope despite how hopeless his future felt; the Hu clung to hope because it was all they had. If things didn’t get better for Shen Bai, he’d be useless as an heir and he’d die without any accomplishments. If things didn’t get better for the Hu, they’d be spat upon as they starved in the street.
“I think we’re more alike than you think,” Shen Bai said, breaking the silence that had grown between them and catching Hu Zhong off guard.
“Us?” Hu Zhong asked as though he hadn’t heard him correctly. “Alike?”
“Yes,” Shen Bai nodded. Hu Zhong bit back a laugh, trying harder than Hu Li had to keep some manners.
“Why’s that?”
“We’re both relying on things outside of our control to change, and waiting for them to come into our control.” Shen Bai explained, face serious. Hu Zhong looked as though he wasn’t sure whether or not it was an attempt at a joke. He waited for Shen Bai to laugh or crack a smile or give some kind of hint as to such. But it never came. Hu Zhong cocked his head at him.
“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve got anything in common.” Hu Zhong finally said.
“What I mean is, we both seem to lack a tangible future.” Shen Bai explained.
“My ass!” Hu Zhong spat, startling Shen Bai. “Someone like you? Lacking a future? You’ve got your whole life set up for you.”
“I don’t see my life being a long one,” Shen Bai admitted, sounding rather solemn.
“What do you mean by that?”
“As you put it earlier, I have something wrong with me.” Shen Bai started. “I was born sick. It was a miracle I made it to my 100th day, and it’s a miracle I’ve made it to today. Each day feels like it may very well be my last, as though I’m living on borrowed time.”
“You think you’ll die young,” Hu Zhong reiterated bluntly. Shen Bai nodded. “That makes two of us.” Hu Zhong reached for the bottle of baijiu which had thus far gone untouched. He poured out two small cups before thrusting one towards Shen Bai.
“I shouldn’t,” Shen Bai said, waving a wing in protest.
“Oh, come on! If you’re gonna die young, live in the moment! Enjoy the taste of good alcohol before you can’t!” Hu Zhong insisted loudly. Shen Bai couldn’t think of a good argument so he relented, taking the cup.
“Happy new year’s - may it not be our last!” Hu Zhong said, raising his cup ceremoniously.
“Happy new year’s,” Shen Bai lifted his own cup to humor the wolf and his impromptu toast. They drank simultaneously, and Shen Bai found the drink surprisingly pleasant on his palate. It tasted faintly of rice and went down smoothly, warm on his throat.
“Damn, that’s good,” Hu Zhong commented as he inspected the bottle. “Nothing like the piss we’re usually served.”
“You drink often, I take it?” Shen Bai asked, curious. Hu Zhong shook his head.
“Only on special occasions, when folks are feeling generous enough to sell it cheap or give it away.” He explained as he poured out another round for the both of them. “No one would give away something this good. I’ll have to remember to bring some home with me.”
They shared another drink, and another as the night went on around them. The last firework sounded and faded. The crowd in the square slowly dispersed into the street where their celebration continued a while yet. At some point, Shen Bai realized he and his companion were the only patrons left on the balcony. The vixen was standing in the threshold, waiting for them to leave but too polite to ask directly.
“We should probably get out of here,” Hu Zhong’s words slurred together and Shen Bai’s mind was moving too slow to properly process them. But, when Hu Zhong took him by the wing, he didn’t protest and allowed himself to be led out of Jin Jiang’s. Shen Bai glanced behind himself to find the vixen bowing deeply. Shen Bai smiled and waved her goodbye despite the fact she wasn’t looking at him.
Shen Bai felt light despite how clumsily he trudged forward. It was like drifting through a dream. The street was a blur of lights and color, the only thing in focus was Hu Zhong’s back. His fur was a dark gray, almost black in some spots. A wonderful contrast to his striking white feathers.
“Like Taiji¹⁸,” Shen Bai said aloud without realizing it. Hu Zhong’s ears flicked back as he tried to listen. He stopped in his tracks and whirled around to face Shen Bai, catching him off guard and throwing him off balance. Hu Zhong caught and steadied him, not unlike how he had that morning.
“Whoa, don’t pass out again!” Hu Zhong pleaded. Shen Bai laughed and Hu Zhong laughed with him.
“Shen-gongzi!” Someone called to him but from where, Shen Bai didn’t know.
“You said something - what was it?” Hu Zhong asked.
“Huh? Oh, I don’t know. It was something about-”
“Shen-gongzi!” Someone called again, louder this time. Shen Bai turned to look only to find an antelope guard beside him, looking frantic.
“We’ve been searching for you,” The guard gave a quick bow before continuing to speak out of breath. “Shen-jun and Madam Shen are greatly concerned over your whereabouts. We should return to the palace at once.” Shen Bai took a moment to digest this, still holding onto Hu Zhong for support.
“He’s a prince, he can do what he wants!” Hu Zhong argued with the guard. The guard, catching her breath, finally recognized Hu Zhong’s presence. She’d been so focused on locating the young lord that she failed to notice the wolf keeping him upright. She opened her mouth to speak but Shen Bai laughed before she could get anything out.
“How many times must I tell you? I’m a prince, not a lord.”
“So you agree?” Hu Zhong grinned, toothy and wide.
“What?” Shen Bai asked before catching his mix-up. “No, I said it wrong. I’m-” The guard interrupted.
“Shen-gongzi, I implore you to follow me. It’s imperative that I return you to the palace.”
“The night’s still young,” Hu Zhong argued once more.
“It’s nearly dawn,” Shen Bai pointed out, noticing the pale horizon. “And I’m tired.” He admitted, pulling away from Hu Zhong. He stepped away and towards the antelope before stumbling. Hu Zhong reached for him but the antelope beat him. She pulled Shen Bai close to support his weight, glaring at Hu Zhong.
“Shen-jun and Madam Shen will be pleased to know you’re safe, Shen-gongzi.” She told him as she more or less dragged him down the street. Shen Bai tried desperately to match her step but she moved too quickly in her eagerness. Shen Bai gave up and let his body move as it was guided to. He didn’t bother to watch where they were going and instead allowed his eyes to rest. He meant to open them once they reached the palace but they were already so heavy.